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It hurts; it hurts so bad. The heartbreak hurts so bad. There he is crying by the salmon-colored stones in the bathroom. Again, heartbreak—he did try his darned best. Thaddeus is a hopeless romantic. Currently crying, crumpled in a ball, hoping it might alleviate the pain he is feeling right now. In his bathtub no less.
He almost pukes at the thought. Though he is afraid of puking, cleaning that mess sure won’t be fun. Even more so now that he lives on his own.
Man, did he miss his mom . His dad, too, is a bit too protective , though he loves them both a bunch. He wishes they were here right now; they would know what to do, unlike him.
He really can’t stop crying; he thought that this time, it would be lasting. That everything was alright, he even asked them. He always did.
What a fool he was. Why can’t he just fast forward towards that special one? Why does he have to go through so many heartbreaks? And even if he were to find that special someone, would he be worth it? Is he good enough?
The dripping of the sink is slowly driving him insane.
Wanting to slam that darn thing, but knowing his strength it would do more harm than good.
Maybe he’ll never find that special someone? Maybe he isn’t worthy? No, he can’t think like that. He needs to get his act together no matter how hard it will be.
Perhaps going to the convention store might alleviate some of the pain.
He needs to cheer himself up.
And what better way than with food ?
He gets out of the bathtub, glances once in the mirror, before quickly turning as if he saw a scary monster. The door slips out of his hands, closing with a small bang. Not what he wanted. Good thing he doesn’t have downstairs neighbors.
He makes his way down the stairs with more speed than he should use. Almost gliding off them. But the thought of food sure cheers him up. Gosh darn, food makes him happy. In China, they have amazing food, but in Korea it’s also very good.
He sure loves his food; besides, he did promise his mom to eat well. Her cooking was the best. Especially her cookies, man, did he and his dad fight for those.
Sadly, those times are now distant fragments of a fading memory.
Maybe he can indulge himself with those shrimp chips. They were supposed to be on sale this week. If they aren’t sold out. That is.
As he grabs his jacket, he almost trips and falls. Luckily he didn’t hurt himself.
He grabs his scarf, which his mom made for him. It’s still warm. He smiles. The same smile his mom said “shines brighter than the brightest star,” thinking back makes him all giddy and excited.
Temporarily masking the pain deep inside. If you were to ask him, she was the one with the brighter smile.
Thaddeus wipes away his tears.
He opens the door; it’s pretty chilly. Good thing his body runs warm. Still, his mom would worry if he didn’t wear a jacket. So he does for her. For her. His mom.
It's pretty difficult to pass through the snowy streets. The lights illuminating the city—there are all sorts of decorative lights.
His mom would love them. Too bad for him she isn’t here right now. Though his dad would also like them. They’re still fresh on his mind.
Even if his body is warm, his soul is not. He finally understands.
The walk to the convenience store feels longer than usual. It might be a sign.
He misses those times with his mom, walking to the store to buy groceries for the holidays. Or doing stuff with his dad.
It stings seeing everyone having their special someone or having loved ones surrounding them. He’s jealous. Lonely. Sad.
He decided it’s better to just look down. Not tempted by what he could have. “Still, it was his choice,” is something his dad would tell him.
He opens the door; he can hear the bell jingle away. Announcing his presence.
He lets himself go, maybe because of the hunger or maybe the loneliness or maybe a mix of both. It happened in the blink of an eye; he tried not to spend too much. Too bad it didn’t work; he never had self-control. One of his many faults made sense. Made absolute sense.
Explains why he has six different types of chips, seven types of cookies, three different flavors of chocolate, two flavors of soda, and one cake.
So now he has to awkwardly shimmy his way out. The bell jingles again as he tries to close the door. While doing that, one of the chip bags falls out of his hands.
Just his luck.
He barely doesn’t hit the snow on the ground. Because again, he's clumsy. Thaddeus sums it up to his consciousness not being all there right now. He has to have a tighter grip on his food as he doesn’t want to lose anything.
Maybe he shouldn’t have left and stayed. Maybe then he would’ve met someone in China. Then he would be eating his mom’s homemade food and goofing off with his dad. The thought alone warms his cold heart.
Their hearts would break if they saw the state of him now. If only he had a special someone, a person who was truly there for him. Not abandoning him for another, or thinking he’s being too much. Or someone he can share his interests with. Someone who matches him. A person with whom he can share his worries and they can share theirs with him.
Right, well, at the moment all he thinks about is the fact that he: one, can’t drop anything, and two, can’t walk fast, otherwise he might puke.
Must look revolting or something?
He did cry his lungs out a few minutes ago. But he was nice to the cashier, so it can’t be that. He even smiled at her and wished her a nice evening.
So why is everyone staring at him? All gasping with wide-open mouths at him, whispering things to each other. Their blushes are more apparent; are they that cold?
Guess he is lucky that his body runs warm.
Glancing around, Thaddeus decides the best course of action might be to take a different route. He doesn’t want to be reminded of his loneliness.
When he takes the first turn, he can see that the lights that were previously very apparent are now shallow.
When he takes the second turn, he bumps into something, or rather someone. He falls; today is not his day.
The snow adorns their face as they turn.
“Oh, I’m so incredibly sorry about that; let me get that for you,” they say as they hurriedly try to help. Getting a closer look, Thaddeus can see their face.
“Where are my manners, I can’t forget to introduce myself. I’m Kim Sun-Gu,“ he says as he reaches a hand towards Thaddeus, to help get him up.
For a split second, Thaddeus is awestruck. Completely and utterly amazed. The way the moonlight hits the back of his head gives Thaddeus that feeling he can’t describe. He feels funny inside. The way he looks at him, while he breaths, the air as he exhales, damn. He’s hot. He’s hooked.
They lock eyes for a while. Mainly because Thaddeus is too awestruck to get anything out.
“Oh, right, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Thaddeus,” he says as he grabs Sun-Gu’s hand, pulling himself up.
The warmth of his hand is nice. It is the first thing Sun-Gu thinks.
“Care for a chip? I mean, they're probably already broken up right now,” Thaddeus jokes with a toothy smile.
“Sorry about that,” Sun-Gu says as he avoids eye contact. Supporting the same blush as those girls, he must be cold.
“Oh, don’t worry about it; let’s share some otherwise they might get to waste,” though Thaddeus would still eat them even in this state.
“Sure, I’d like that,” he answers with a soft smile.
“So what got cha so runny?” Thaddeus asks, mouth full of chips; the crumbs are all over his mouth.
Something about that accent makes Sun-Gu’s heart speed up a bit. Something unusual for him, as he usually doesn’t like messy eaters. But something about this Chinese guy makes him forgo that fact.
“I was running away from my family; they can be a little….”
“Too much,” Thaddeus finishes, still mouth full of chips. He can see Sun-Gu tense up, so he puts his hands on his. Hoping to calm him down.
“I get it. My dad once got so protective when I went to my first sleepover, he was lurking around when one of the kids slept a little too close, and he was tapping the glass like a madman. Safe to say I never got invited again,” Thaddeus reminisces with a little laugh adorning his face, missing those good old days of the past.
“Man that was scary, I at first thought it was the boogie man or something,” he recalled with a sudder. Still he reenacted the whole thing.
“Or that time a kid gave me a flower and my dad almost beat them up; we were seven,” he adds.
“Seven,” Thaddeus repeats to put emphasis.
His stories are met with big laughter from the other.
“Oh, forgive me,” Sun-Gu yelps out in between laughs. He even wipes away the tears that begin to form in the corner of his eyes. The way the red-haired male explains his stories, even more so with those expressions, making him laugh involuntarily.
Seeing him laugh burns something inside Thaddeus. His eyes grow bigger.
“You are just so funny, forgive me,” and cute, yet also handsome. Somehow you manage to be both, but that’s something Sun-Gu doesn’t dare to utter.
“I’ve got a whole lot more, if you want that is, but do you want to share a story?” Thaddeus asks as he likes hearing the voice of the black-haired male next to him.
“If you want, of course, Xiongdi” as Thaddeus quickly opens a new bag of chips and stuffs his face full so he can’t say anything stupid that will scare him away.
Before Sun-Gu can answer, he shakes.
“Oh, here, take my scarf, xiongdi” Thaddeus haphazardly offers with a smile. Almost tripping again, if it wasn’t for a pair of arms.
“Won’t you be cold?” Sun-Gu asks as he doesn’t want Thaddeus to catch a cold or something. He simultaneously catches Thaddeus in his arms, withholding him from falling.
“Don’t worry, my blood runs hot, xiongdi,” Thaddeus says with a bright smile, brighter than the stars surrounding them.
Just like you is something Sun-Gu almost wanted to say. He barely stopped himself from blurting that out. Surprisingly himself, as he didn’t expect him to have such thoughts. Especially about a stranger he just met. Still, seeing his neck might be equivalent to seeing a Victorian woman’s ankles. It feels as if he is a sinner, seeing something he shouldn’t.
“Here you go,” he says as he puts the scarf around his neck. It smells like him, Sun-Gu notes.
Sun-Gu looks good with his scarf, something Thaddeus notes. It’s just the two of them; it almost makes Thaddeus go crazy. He just now realized that. And with that thought his face starts to warm up. A blush begins to creep up. Did he finally get to that special someone?
Stop.
What if he ruins this? Will he get more heartbreaks? Or is he not the one, and does he need to keep on searching?
Nah, no way this is just a handsome stranger, a very handsome one at that. Right. A Stranger. Nothing else.
“Well, I should get going,” Thaddeus says as he begins to doubt himself. He wants to leave before he embarrasses himself even further. They might not be destined.
“What about your scarf?”
“Leave it up to destiny, xiongdi” Thaddeus mumbles, wanting to sound cool and mysterious.
Sun-Gu is so nice, and thoughtful, while also being attractive. And with those thoughts , he turns around.
“Thank you,” Sun-Gu exclaims. Kissing Thaddeus on the cheek.
“W-well, I… uhm…. So…. Uh… you,”
Critical hit.
“Sorry, but leaving it up to destiny isn’t my forte; I can’t wait that long. I had to fast-forward it a bit.” Sun-Gu says with a cheeky smile, Thaddeus isn’t used to.
“I-I… uhm…. I… uh… I’m,”
Still no response.
“Let’s go!” Sun-Gu exclaims as he grabs some of the food still lying on the ground. He doesn’t want to leave this up to destiny. While doing so, he grabs one of Thaddeus's hands.
“To where, xiongdi?” Thaddeus asks as he finally manages to form sentences. He feels kind of stupid, finally a cool person showing interest. And he doesn’t know what to do. He might just show Sun-Gu how lame he actually is.
“Anywhere, as long as it’s with you,” is all that Sun-Gu answers as he stares off into the distance.
“Besides it’s my turn to tell you a story” he adds to give a reason for Thaddeus to go with him.
You know what? Maybe today isn’t so bad.
As he follows suit.
Maybe he’ll make his parents proud.