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It’s late Friday afternoon and Dean’s last class had ended almost three hours ago—he had stayed behind today to finish grading some papers before he headed home to get ready for the grand date, shaking his head to himself as the realization that this was really happening, to him, today, hit him hard, his stomach getting that hollowed-out feeling that made his chest heavy—it felt like he couldn’t breathe for a moment. Dealing with feelings, taking a step towards change had always been an issue for Dean, and it is getting the better of him today. He is very nervous, to say the least, as he sits before the window at the back of the cafe, where a cool breeze sweeps in from the busy streets, and anyone can see the high tension he is under. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down and steals a glance at his phone. He is early; he just wanted to get there first, make sure he doesn’t freak out about going out on a date with a person where he is supposed to talk. Talk about himself, talk about what he likes doing, answer questions like “Um, so, how was your childhood? Oh tell me about youself, Dean”, make sure he smiles like an idiot and make the other person laugh and touch his arm lightly but not too lightly because, whad’ya know?, according to Sarah’s stupid magazine, which he had definitely not been reading, you are not allowed to touch the person you are on a first date with for more than 5 seconds (Jesus fucking Christ) and do all the crap he never wanted to do, because he is Dean Winchester and he doesn’t do dates. He doesn’t do commitment, and he sure as hell doesn’t do relationships. It’s who he is. That’s not something he’s good at, and he is pretty sure that he is gonna screw the whole thing up and have Sarah glaring at him for the rest of the holidays. He is just a Math teacher who enjoys the simple things in life, like eating apple pie, nerding the hell out of Vonnegut (Westerns and sci-fi movies, he’s a cool guy, ok?), spending time with his little brother, and just being himself. Plus, it has been a long time since his last date, which had been epically tragic; it wasn’t his fault the chick kept asking hilariously creepy too-personal questions Dean had no answers for.
So Dean’s not sure letting his brother’s wife set him up with one of her friends from work was a good idea; not because he doesn’t like Sarah, he absolutely adores her, thank you very much, but as he sits there, waiting for his date to arrive, he finds himself drifting off into his own thoughts of why this Cass-something guy would never dig him. He knows that he is an attractive man, he’s been told more than enough times to believe it, but there is so much more to a person than good looks, right? It isn’t just that he doesn’t want to meet new people or let anyone else into his life; Sarah, who’s a self-proclaimed associate of Cupid, damn well knew that Dean had been thinking of starting going out to “meet people”, because he is hitting 34 and, yes, despite the fact that he isn’t good at the whole dating-exclusively fucking with one person-falling in love-getting married-and settling down with your soulmate thing, he really wants to prove that he can be serious about relationships and that, yes, he does have long-term potential. And maybe he is a little jealous of what Sam has going on with Sarah. Maybe waking up with a warm body pressed against your chest every morning isn’t that bad. And maybe having someone for him, just for him to love and spend the rest of his life with is something he doesn’t find as terrifying as most of his friends think he does. And honestly, he kinda likes this whole “going out on a date with a mysterious stranger” thing; he kept guessing up to the umpteenth hour what kind of hair, colour of eyes, shape of lips the guy Sarah fixed him up with has.
“Hello, Dean”
Dean’s head whips around, a slight frown creasing his brow as he fixes his gaze on the man standing in front of him, being broken out of his trance. He finds himself looking at a ridiculously hot guy.
“Um…And you are…” he begins, a hint of hesitation in his voice.
Cas nods, a soft smile curling at the corners of his lips as he takes a step towards the table and swiftly sits down next to Dean, which is weird, because it’s their first date, isn’t he supposed to sit across from him and keep a respectable distance between the two of them until they get to know each other better?
Huh.
“Yeah. I am Castiel. I believe you are my date?” he asks, staring at Dean unblinkingly for a moment too long, and Dean feels his heart beating violently against his chest, because the guy is creepy as hell but he has the most beautiful eyes Dean has ever seen, a tender winter sky blue with long eyelashes, and the way the syllables of the words he’s saying roll off his mouth make all sort of feelings swirl around in Dean’s stomach.
“Yes…” he breathes, rubs the back of his neck nervously as he watches the guy, Castiel, get comfortable in his seat, reaching out for the menu, his long, slender fingers curling around the pages.
“Yeah…yeah, I am Dean. Dean Winchester. Sarah’s my brother’s wife” he says, and instantly has to fight the urge to roll his eyes because, seriously, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure that he probably knows who Dean is. Taking a mental note to bang his head against the wall for making himself look like an idiot later, he clears his throat and smiles back at Castiel, his throat feeling dry. “Um…”
Castiel’s eyes drop to the menu he is holding, absently playing with the corner of a page in an obvious effort to take attention off of himself, and maybe ease the tension set between his shoulder blades. He’s probably feeling as awkward as I am, Dean thinks, a surge of relief rushing through his body, and then smiles warmly.
He is Dean Winchester, he can definitely do it. It’s just a date. No one can resist your charm, Winchester, come on!
All he can do is put his best foot forward and hope he makes a good impression.
“I apologise if I am being…impolite. I admit I have never found myself in such a situation before….Sarah can be quite…tenaciously unyielding”
Dean has to resist the urge to snort; to say that Sarah is stubborn is an understatement.
“Don’t worry man, I know talking to strangers can be awkward as hell.” he says, patting Castiel on the back reassuringly. “So, what are you gonna eat?”
Cas looks up at Dean, bites his bottom lip as he places the menu down on the table, eyes flicking back over to the waitress who’s walking towards their table, before glancing at Dean again with a small smile playing on his lips, and Dean thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous to get blindsided by those damned blue eyes. There is something about this guy, about how adorably awkward he is that shakes him to the core; it’s surprising. One minute, he is trying to get a grip and make small talk like the decent human being that he is, and the next thing he knows he is caught in this freaky adorable stare that knocks the air right out of him, makes a fire light up under his skin and he can feel his hands shaking as a wave of boundless enthusiasm crashes against his heart. Castiel is not what he was expecting at all; he’s feeling just as awkward as Dean is and he doesn’t even try to hide it, and even though he’s trying to be polite, Dean can see that Cas is pleased with what he’s seeing.
When the waitress comes over to ask what they’d like to eat, Dean is snapped out of his trance, coughing awkwardly as he orders a slice of creamy chocolate pie and a cup of hot black coffee, waits for Castiel, who is currently looking at Dean with a bemused, fond expression on his face, to tell the waitress what he wants to eat. Cas decides on ordering a coffee with almond milk, four sugars and cream with black and white chocolate sprinkles before handing the menu back to the waitress.
“So, Dean…” he says, a soft sigh falling from his lips as he sits back and looks up at Dean—and he is sitting too close, because Dean can practically feel the warmth of the man’s body surrounding him. He sort of doesn’t mind. It’s weird and it’s never happened to him before, but it’s, oddly enough, nice.
“Have you ever been to our gallery?” he asks curiously, crooking an eyebrow at Dean.
“Oh…Yeah, well…I am not really an arts guy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your gallery sucks or anything, it’s just not my kind of thing, you know?” he says, the words coming out of his mouth easily, and he doesn’t feel nearly as bad as he thought he would. He doesn’t feel like he has to pretend.
Cas hums low in his throat, speculative gaze moving up Dean’s chest to his face. Castiel’s tongue briefly flicks out to wet his lips and Dean has to look away, a feeling of extreme emotional intensity burning right through him—passion—like a fire that devours everything around it.
“I’ve been there once.” he swallows thickly “When that Wings of Destiny thing took place? It was kinda cool” he says with a casual shrug. Cas laughs softly, shaking his head as he reaches out to squeeze Dean’s knee. His whole face lights up when he laughs, and makes his eyes crinkle in the most down right beautiful and heart warming way. He’s gorgeous.
“I am glad to know you think my art is cool, Dean, really” he gets out through the bouts of laughter, squeezing Dean’s knee again. Dean’s eyes drop to Castiel’s hand and he sucks in a breath. Damn. “Thank you. I mean it, Dean.” His words have more than a tint of truth to them. Dean opens his mouth to say something, even though he can feel his throat burning and his heart beating faster and faster. Is that what love at first sight feels like? “It’s very beautiful” he rasps out. Just as he is finished talking, the waitress comes back with their coffees and Dean’s pie. Castiel smiles at her as she hands him his coffee, saying a soft thank you, glancing at Dean out of the corner of his eyes, a smile teasing at his lips. She turns to leave, taking a few steps before turning back towards the two men, looking at them shyly. “You know…You two probably get this a lot, but you’re a really cute couple. Merry Christmas” she smiles, holding the tray tightly against her chest. Dean almost chokes on his coffee and Castiel simply looks down at his cup to hide a faint blush creeping up his neck. Dean notices that Castiel is blushing but he just clears his throat and grins up at her. “Thank you” he says and she just bites his lips and turns around to leave. Dean takes another sip of his coffee, trying to shrugg the whole thing off. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as it probably should have been.
Cas clears his throat before he looks at Dean again, cocking his head to the side in a confused manner. “Why didn’t you correct her?”
“Why would I do that? She’d feel bad. And it’s not like we are here to become friends, Cas. It’s a date” he says, amazed at how unfazed he is about the whole thing.
Cas opens and closes his mouth, twice, before nodding. There is something in his eyes that wasn’t there before; they are glowing softly and it makes Dean breathe sharply. Perhaps saying it out loud, that they are actually on a date, that they’ve gone out socially together out of romantic interest, made them both feel just a little more nervous.
Dean stares at the side of Castiel’s head, a desire to know everything about this man sweeps over him like a flame, and his head is bursting with it.
He slowly slides his plate towards Castiel, gesturing for him to pick up the fork and take a bite.
“Come on” he whispers, pressing the fork against Castiel’s fingers that wrap around it absently. Cas is looking at Dean, as he leans closer and slices off a piece of the pie as his mind swims around to try to find the right words to say.
Dean lets loose a sigh, his fingers twitching anxiously as he watches Castiel’s lips close around the fork. Cas closes his eyes for a moment, savouring the taste of the rich chocolate cream, and he can’t help moaning softly. ”Jesus“ he blurts out without thinking and he quickly averts his gaze, hoping that Cas is too busy licking the chocolate off the fork to listen to the words that are coming out of Dean’s mouth. ”You have good taste” Cas comments, the soft rumble of his voice shreding Dean’s insides apart in the most gorgeous way. Being there with this man just makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside and he can’t deny the fact that he is practically falling in love with a man he barely knows.
“Yeah, thanks. Not as good as Sarah’s” he wiggles his eyebrows and Cas looks away, puts the fork down next to the plate. It’s fucking adorable and it’s doing things to Dean’s heart and his body. His whole being seems to be tuned into Castiel’s movements. Fuck.
Dean reaches over to swipe a smear of chocolate cream from his lips, brushing his thumb gently over his bottom lip before pulling away, making Cas gasp in surprise. This isn’t you, Winchester, the words play and replay in his mind and he is trying to understand why he is being like this but he fails.
“This…is awkward…I am sorry.” Castiel says, smiling sheepishly, and he is obviously frustrated at himself. Dean laughs, shaking his head in understanding.
“I am not very good at…dating. I know I’m supposed to ask questions about you, I just…” he lets out a frustrated sigh, rubs the back of his neck. No, he doesn’t have to feel that bad, Dean thinks. He must not feel bad about something as unimportant as not being able to follow the so called dating rules every romantically active human being seems to have memorized.
“Hey…It’s okay. Honestly? I couldn’t care less about being asked to talk about myself, seriously. I am greatly appreciative that you are not trying to pull the “I am your date and you better start spilling all your dirty secrets” card on me. Seriously”
Cas bites the inside of his right cheek to keep from laughing and shakes his head. “Okay” he sighs, then takes a sip of his coffee that could instantly root out a tooth, still looking at Dean.
“Okay…” Dean nods, moving his hand to rest at the back of Castiel’s chair.
“Let’s just talk about things that are important” he says, fingers brushing lightly over Castiel’s shoulder.
“Please tell me you’re a Star Wars fan. ‘Cause if you are not, me and you are gonna have to have a nice long chat about— “
“Dean” Cas says, fondly rolling his eyes at him.
A playful smile teases at corners of Castiel’s lips and Dean just knows that this is just the beginning. The beginning of something beautiful. He’s never bonded with someone so quickly. It’s crazy, and it’s nice.
And maybe, just maybe, he is not afraid to admit that this time he is not afraid of taking a step towards change. Because in that nervous tension that runs through his body, and in the visions that fill his imagination, there is nothing dark or gloomy—on the contrary there is something blissful, warm, glowing, and exhilarating. It’s terrifying but it’s perfect.
He is not gonna leave. Not this time.