Chapter Text
The first time they see each other is at lunch on Elyza’s first day at school. She transferred over in the middle of the third quarter in their junior year, which was a strange time to transition, but she seemed pretty cool (if a little over-the-top sometimes) and was nice enough.
She shared a couple classes with Alicia’s friends, and they waved her over to sit on the picnic bench with them.
“Hey, Elyza! Over here!”
The brunette looked up from her phone to glance up at the mention of the new name. And she was so glad she managed to keep her expression impassive because Fuck??? She was so hot???
Wasn’t it illegal to wear a leather jacket in real life and look good? Wasn’t it only characters on TV shows and movies and celebrities that could pull that shit off? And what was up with her walk? What was up with that sexy sway? How was her lazy grin so effortlessly attractive?
And the black eye. She had never imagined a black eye would be one of the things that got her flustered and hot under the collar, but apparently this new girl was just really good at doing that in general.
“This is Alicia. Her resting bitch face is A+, but don’t let that scare you. She’s just a fucking nerd.”
She didn’t even get a chance to tell her friend to fuck off before Elyza smiled and their eyes met directly. Already she was drowning in her pretty blue eyes.
“Hey, Alicia. Nice to meet you.”
Great. She had a hot accent too.
The first time they talked one-on-one was when they realized they shared Spanish and History class. It was polite, boring-as-fuck small talk at first as they walked in-between and out of classes. They discussed their class schedules and which classmates were annoying and which ones were tolerable; Alicia appreciated Elyza’s goofy and at times crude sense of humor more and more with each conversation.
Look, people united over things they hated and maybe there was one kid in their year that was obnoxious as fuck, and she loved how the blonde talked shit.
Was she a little spiteful? Maybe. But she legitimately laughed when her new friend was venting with increasing exasperation, “I don’t understand how so much bullshit can fall out of someone’s mouth. It’s… listening to him talk is like a verbal car accident. It’s so fucking awful but you can’t not listen. It’s like a trash compactor that’s overflowing and now there’s garbage everywhere. So now you gotta pick it up and stuff it back in. Which is why I don’t really get why I got in trouble when I tossed my scrapped notes at his face.”
“No you didn’t.” She grinned widely at Elyza. No, her heart absolutely did not skip a beat every time she looked at her face. She did not think it was cute when she was bored in class and her eyes wandered around the classroom before eventually settling on doodling in her notebook. That big, cocky and sometimes silly grin did not spark anything in her at all. Nope.
“At first he just stared at me, and then he got so fucking mad, demanding why I did that.”
It was hard not to be energized and drawn in by Elyza’s easy-going confidence that she exuded. She was so open about who she was and it was refreshing. Relaxing. Alicia tried not to think about the anxious yearning that was beginning to take root in her heart. “You were an asshole, weren’t you?”
“Um. Have you met me? Of course I was.”
Fuck. What was with that? The joking, self-assured lilt of her words. The way her she raised her brow exaggeratedly. And even if the bruise was fading, it was still hot? Also it brightened her blue eyes. Well. Eye.
“Mmhmm.” Alicia needed a second to find her words, so that was all she had. She teasingly bumped into Elyza. “So what’d you say, Commander Shit-Stirrer?”
She laughed. “I looked at him, and then I looked at the trash can by the door, then back to him. And I just shrugged and said, ‘I needed to throw my papers away, and you were closer. My bad, do you not do recycling? I guess with all the garbage that comes out of your mouth, I shoulda figured. Garbage in, garbage out, right?’ I think the entire class went dead silent.”
“Oh my God.” Alicia couldn’t help the giggles that Elyza pulled out of her.
“Preeetty sure he was about to throw his table at me. Guess it’s a good thing the teacher stepped in and basically told us to shut the fuck up or we’d get sent to the office,” she emphasized the last bit and scoffed.
“I can’t believe you got out of that.”
“Pretty sure the teach was on my side, just couldn’t show it, y’know?” She grinned.
When their laughter calmed down, Alicia started with her own wide smile, “You seemed like one of those people that tries too hard to be edgy and rebellious and shit, but I’m glad that only seems to be half true.”
“Whaaaat?” Elyza asked in mock-offense. “You can’t judge a book by its cover, dear Alicia.”
Oh. Shit. She definitely wanted to hear the blonde say her name more often.
“I can’t, huh?” She smirked. “So the leather jacket, the black eye, the aviators propped up on your head… You sure you’re not trying to give off a certain image here?”
“Look, you act like I ran my face into a doorknob to get a bruise. I’ll have you know, I earned this fair and square.”
“Not helping your case here, Elyza.” Alicia backpedaled towards her designated locker. Their assignments were in completely different parts of the school, but they shared the same fourth block class, so when the bell rang they followed each other and simply stopped at the one closest, and then the second.
The challenge seemed to have inspired an eagerness in the blonde. Ugh, why was her big grin so fucking cute?
“Okay, okay… If that’s how you wanna play. I bet I could nail you on my first try.”
The brunette couldn’t help the amused smirk and arched brow.
“...Look, you know what I meant--but I mean, yes, I could--” Elyza bust out laughing when Alicia shoved her none-too-gently. “Sorry, sorry… As I was saying… You think you figured me out already, but I bet you’re not any less transparent than you think I am.”
“Be my guest,” Alicia invited as she opened her locker.
The blonde held her chin and hummed mock-thoughtfully as she overplayed the whole intellectual bit, acting as if she was about to engage in some scholarly discourse. The younger couldn’t help but roll her eyes good heartedly.
Seriously. Why was she so fucking adorable?
“I’ve seen your notes. They’re all organized and shit, but you don’t dress like a nerd, so you try to keep that shit on the DL by acting all hip and snarky.”
Alicia laughed. “Did you say ‘hip’?”
Elyza ignored her and continued on. “But! You’re actually a huge fucking nerd. And I bet you listen to indie shit, but you have an undeniable fondness for Carly Rae Jepsen and Selena Gomez.”
“Are you projecting onto me?” she teased.
“Um. No. Because everyone likes both of them on some level.”
“Oh, my bad.”
“Damn right your bad. Anyway, as I was saying… Obviously you’re a real go-getter, you keep up your grades and your appearances, and you got accepted to Berkeley where you are going to major in… Psychology? Minor in… uh… fuck. I dunno. English?”
Alicia closed the locker, her smirk still intact. “Oh, so close, Elyza.”
She waved her hand casually. “Whatever. I know I got almost all of that right.”
“I thought you were going to nail me?”
“Are you coming onto me?” The blonde laughed as she walked away before Alicia could smack her for being an idiot.
A totally charming idiot.
“Okay, so what are you going to major in then? I need to know all the secrets you keep behind your aloof, stylish hipster mask.”
The brunette hummed, prolonging the moment to tease Elyza. “Why’s that?”
She shrugged, and Alicia was prepared for some dorky, sarcastic joke. Instead she got, “‘cause I like you, and I want to know more about who you are and the shit you like.”
When she scanned her expression, there was no mischievous glint in her bright eyes. All she saw was genuine sincerity. No smirk, no big goofy grin. No signs of joking pretense.
...Huh.
So on top of being sexy, adorkable, and funny, Elyza was also sweet as fuck. She had the hard exterior, and the squishy insides. She was the whole package wrapped up in a leather jacket, and jeans that made her lower half look amazing. Also her hair was nice.
I’m so fucked.
“Astrophysics. Not sure if I want a minor. Maybe in Math or CompSci,” Alicia shrugged.
“No shit? Wow. Damn.”
“What?” The strong reaction was amusing, to say the least.
“No… nothing, that’s just so cool. God. I was right. You are a nerd.” Elyza grinned.
“Not what you expected underneath my stylish, hipster facade? Sorry to disappoint,” Alicia smiled wryly.
“I mean, from what little I knew about you, I had set some pretty high expectations, and you managed to blow ‘em all away. You’re pretty fuckin’ amazing.”
How did she say that shit so openly and not get embarrassed? Alicia was doing all she could not to blush right then and her brain stalled, effectively keeping her quiet.
“Though considering how great you are… it was probably written in the stars…”
She could definitely still groan though.
“I mean, I don’t know if I can look at you the same anymore, I’m--”
“No.” She glared at Elyza. “Don’t. Stop.”
Not that it mattered. Her shit-eating grin didn’t even falter. “--gonna have stars in my eyes.”
As much as she acted exasperated and Completely Done, Alicia was endeared by the dork’s lame jokes, bright smiles and exuberant confidence. She held onto every word she spoke and subconsciously tucked away each of her expressions.
Yep. She was fucked.
This was only day three.
The first time they go on a date is a few weeks later yeah, they didn’t last very long, and even then it had still been too long when Elyza asked Alicia out to a party. She had to do it twice, because the first time hadn’t exactly gone according to plan.
It was about as awkward as it sounded.
It was during their Spanish 3 class, where they sat two rows away from each other. While the teacher was giving a lecture on grammar, a handful of students were following along attentively, while the others were spacing out, tuning in and out every few moments. Alicia was only half-listening as she filled out the worksheet they’d been given for homework. If she got this done before class ended, she could worry about her English paper instead…
“If you’re wanting to throw away your paper, the trash can is on the other side of the room, Elyza.” Their teacher had stopped in the middle of her lecture to reprimand the now sheepish blonde, whose arm looked to be in mid-throw and aimed towards Alicia’s side of the room. In her hand was a folded up piece of loose leaf paper, which the teacher plucked away.
The class’s attention was focused on their exchange, and even Alicia looked over with a small grin. The two made brief eye contact and they silently communicated to each other:
Good job, dork.
Oops?
“Sorry. I have bad aim? I did get denied from the basketball team.” There were meek, scattered giggles throughout the classroom.
“That was probably for the best,” the older woman smiled wryly. “Is this something I’ll have to share with the rest of the class?” She unfolded it and quickly scanned the message, her lips growing into a wider smile with amusement in her eyes. “I’ll give you an A for the proper grammar and spelling, but unfortunately I’m not free tonight,” she teased and turned back to head towards the front of the room, ripping up the note along the way.
“Oh, that’s too bad. Maybe another night then?” Even if Elyza was being snarky as always, Alicia could see the relief in her relaxed exhale when her message hadn’t been exposed.
The class was riled up for the next few moments, with the more rambunctious kids eager for the break and distraction and calling out to prolong it.
“Read it!”
“What’d it say?”
“Were you asking someone out?” A girl laughed.
The brunette hid her grin behind her fist. Elyza looked a little antsy as she tried to deflect the attention and shrug off their questions.
Dork.
After the bell rang, the blonde immediately caught up to Alicia as she walked with her to her next class. (One of the boys in their class hollered from down the hallway, “Yeah, get it Lex!” and she immediately responded with a cheery, “Fuck you!”)
“What did you write?” The younger girl looked over with an amused smirk.
“Uhhh… I thought it’d be cute… to ask if you wanted to go to a party with me tonight… in Spanish…” She rubbed the back of her neck, looking the most shy Alicia had ever seen her in the past three weeks. Which was kind of astounding. She’d learn later that it was as difficult as she thought to get Elyza flustered, but the best way to do so was through overly sincere romantic gestures. Shit was adorable.
“Wait, what?” she laughed. She didn’t mean it maliciously, it was just… “Why?”
“Why’d I ask you out?” Elyza asked with wide eyes and panic seeping into her words.
“No--no. I. Sorry. Yes, I’ll go with you.” She smiled. “But why in Spanish?”
“We were in Spanish class. Also if someone else saw the note, chances are they wouldn’t be able to read it, since almost everyone else in the class is scraping by with a C just to get their language credit,” she grinned.
“You were just lucky enough it was the teacher that intercepted your message.”
“Yeah… Look, I never claimed it was a perfect plan.” Elyza bumped her lightly from the side. “But…” She stopped with her at the lockers. “Yes? You’ll come with me tonight?”
Her blue eyes lit up with hope and joy, and Alicia knew hers were doing the same thing, even as she tried to fight back her growing smile.
“Yes. Or do you want me to respond in Spanish?”
She chuckled. “No, I think I got it.”
For a moment, the two girls simply smiled at each other, soaking in the other’s presence.
“...Don’t you have a C in Spanish?”
“Hey, I actually just need the credit, señorita.”
“You’re a dork,” Alicia laughed, reaching over to shove her lightly in the shoulder, but never pulling away.
“But in a good way?” Elyza asked tentatively, reaching over and wrapping her fingers gently around her hand. Shyly, she kissed her fingers, and she bashfully half-smiled at the brunette.
Seeing how soft the lively blonde could be melted Alicia’s heart, and she couldn’t help her own small smile.
“The best way.”
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Hm?” Elyza shifted the car into park and turned her complete attention towards Alicia. Instead of picking her up before the party, they’d simply spent the next few hours after school together at the blonde’s house.
It was difficult to not talk to each other, but the other girl was diligent and consistent in turning her attention back to her homework.
Which was fine, because the older was more than happy to watch her as she worked. She crossed her arms on the table and rested atop them, taking in every nuance and absolutely living because of how unintentionally expressive Alicia’s face was. It was adorable how she scrunched up her nose and screwed up her mouth when she had to pause and think on a particularly difficult problem. When she mulled over her thoughts for a prolonged period of time, she’d tap the pen against her head lightly while she worried her bottom lip. Sometimes she just closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, before continuing to work.
Alicia didn’t seem to mind Elyza gazing at her with adoration. She’d brought it up once, mostly out of curiosity.
“You’re not bored watching me do homework?” Her focused green eyes still moved across the page, but her wry smile was for the blonde.
“My favorite hobby is watching paint dry and grass grow. You are infinitely more interesting than either of those things. I think watching you do math homework is my new favorite pastime.”
Her eyes and her writing stopped for the briefest of moments, but Elyza noticed. She noticed the way she tried to bite back her grin, and even though she was still skimming the page, the focus wasn’t there anymore.
“Do you practice that?” Alicia put down her pencil and looked up.
“Practice what?”
“Just… the way you so effortlessly make flirty jokes. Do you have lines you rehearse?” she teased.
“Maybe the lines just come to me easily because you’re so inspirational.” She grinned cheekily.
The brunette rolled her eyes and continued to work, but there was a smile that never quite left her lips after that.
“I just want to hang out with you. So if this party’s lame… let’s just take the date somewhere else, okay? Instead of cutting it early.”
Elyza hadn’t quite expected the straightforwardness of her statement and was caught off-guard. Especially by the admission that she just wanted to be with her.
Love and adoration had been spinning out of control inside the blonde all day, and she didn’t think it was possible to be any happier, and yet Alicia managed to send her higher with a simple statement.
She’s so amazing.
“Uh. Yeah. Of course,” she smiled confidently. She hoped it was confident, anyway. “Um. Hey...”
The brunette looked over, raising her brow in curiosity.
“I really want to be with you, too.”
Elyza couldn’t believe her words were what pulled that small, but beaming smile out of Alicia.
The party wasn’t lame per se, it was just difficult to talk to each other with a mob of rowdy teenagers dancing to the pounding music that overlapped all the conversations being carried throughout the house.
They tried to dance, and of course Alicia rolled her eyes when Elyza tugged her over towards the designated dance floor with a playful smirk. Even without their natural inclination to be near each other, because let’s face it, there was maybekindofsortof some lusting going on. ...maybe the small space forced them to be as close as possible.
Elyza laughed at the sudden intimacy, especially when the younger smirked and raised a brow at her. As they began to bounce and rock side-to-side to the remixed pop music, Alicia craned her head so her lips were by the blonde’s ear.
“Convenient, huh?”
She could barely hear the words over all the noise, but it didn’t matter. She could pick out her voice anywhere.
“You say that like I have ulterior motives.”
“What, you don’t?”
There was a mischievous shine to her eyes, and even in the dim lighting--or maybe because of them--her deep green irises stood out so clearly. For the briefest of moments, Elyza forgot to breathe. She wasn’t sure how to describe the way Alicia’s teasing smirk affected her, emotionally anyway. Physically, it was easy. Her heart was beating quicker and there was a nervous, yet elated churning in her stomach.
But putting her feelings into verbage seemed impossible, because none of the words she knew really expressed her vast array of emotions. Maybe she needed to consult a thesaurus later.
Whatever, look--simply put, she didn’t know how the brunette managed to be sexy, beautiful and adorable all at the same time with a cocky tilt of her lips.
It made Elyza want to abruptly steer her to the nearest wall and pin her roughly against it as she kissed her, hoping that it even kind of expressed her outpouring affection and desire. It made her want to take her hands and squeeze them, kissing her gently and nervously like a twelve year-old who had no idea what she was doing. It made her want to just press their foreheads together and smile at her, gazing into her eyes with boundless adoration.
She wanted all those things and more.
This was uncharted territory, and that was exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, because she was used to flings. Just flings. At least when they eventually get to the point of doing the fuckity, Elyza would be able to show Alicia a great time.
Right. Ulterior motives. Playful flirting. Please don’t respond with, ‘Is wanting to marry you an ulterior motive?’ Don’t.
Okay. You got this, Elyza.
She wrapped a light arm around Alicia’s waist, her hand maybe-accidentally sliding under the hem of her shirt ever-so-slightly so her fingers could press teasingly against her skin. She pulled her even closer so their bodies weren’t just hovering with barely any space between them, they were fully pressed together.
Elyza was kind of regretting the bold move though, as her heart was in her throat and she was getting shy. At least Alicia couldn’t see her face since she was speaking into her ear. Hopefully she could get the next words out without stuttering.
“Of course not. Unless… Is it a secret I’ve fallen for you and think about you all day? That I want to spend all my time with you, even if it’s just to watch you do homework?”
Mental self-five.
Okay, that wasn’t playful flirting as much as it was a confession. Whatever. Details, details.
Alicia stayed silent, and Elyza didn’t have the courage to pull away and see her expression just yet. Besides, she enjoyed their closeness even as her thumb nervously traced circles into her skin and she eagerly filled the silence with words that spilled out flusteredly.
“I didn’t think it was a secret. I thought I was being embarrassingly obvious... Usually you’re pretty quick on the uptake, Alicia. I expected better,” she teased, daring to press her face into her soft, nice smelling hair and squeezed her hand gently to assure the other girl she was just being a dick, and didn’t mean that! She did not want to sabotage her chances here.
Finally, Alicia spoke up. Her words were soft, and lacked that sarcastic, deadpan tone, “And here I was, thinking you only took me to the party to sleep with me so you could get my Chemistry notes.”
Oh, nevermind. Elyza knew that the other girl was great at a lot of things, but she was always amazed at all the different ways Alicia delivered sarcastic quips.
“Dang. Y’got me. I was just going to ask you for them, but I figured the lay was an added bonus for both of us. By the way, I need History notes, not Chemistry. Shit’s got math in it, and your tabbed and color-coded notes aren’t gonna save me.”
The blonde was surprised when Alicia’s arms wrapped around her waist and she rested her face against her shoulder.
We’re talking shocked into silence surprised. Kind of wondering if this was a dream surprised. No, really was this some kind of lucid dream? surprised.
My day gay dreaming has gotten too next-level. This is too much power. No one should be able to make delusions this real.
At this point they had stopped moving altogether and were just standing there as people danced around them.
As previously stated: tried to dance.
“Anyone can be good at math. You just need to practice it. I could always tutor you?” Elyza wasn’t sure if Alicia was just joking, or if she was being serious--she was still talking in that gentle tone that completely disarmed and confused her.
She swallowed nervously. Her mind ran over possible responses and their consequences, and in her silence, her hands simply gave her a soft squeeze.
Say yes? No, fuck that. She’s nice enough that she’d do it, and that would be boring as shit. Well, it’d be with Alicia--no, wait. That’d make it worse. I wouldn’t pay any fucking attention because I’d be too busy trying to kiss her.
No, don’t get soft!! Say something joking. Teasing. Kind of douche-y, but not too douche-y. Like. ...Shit, I’m drawing a blank. Fuck.
Stop, wait. Don’t do that. That’d ruin the moment. Just. Please say something.
Elyza was growing more anxious by the split second, very aware of the metaphorical quicksand she was in. She knew the longer the silence drew on, the harder it’d be to not look like a jackass who was choking.
Alicia’s deep breaths and sighs tickled and warmed the crook of her neck and shoulder, and she was melting in her comforting embrace. It should’ve felt more awkward that they were standing in the middle of the dance floor doing fuck all, but her poor gay heart was rolling around crying from joy and happiness. Most of her brain was frying, but that one corner of her mind was saying something along the lines of, ‘Wow. This is how bad you get when all she’s doing is hugging you, fully clothed? The sex is gonna be great.’
“...It’s hot,” she finally croaked lamely. Awesome. So quick on your feet. Dumbass. “Can we go outside?”
Alicia murmured a soft and adorable holy shit so fucking cute how why fuck noise of agreement, but didn’t move and simply nuzzled Elyza deeper.
Great. The responsibility was up to her to gather and organize her thoughts enough that she could coordinate them out the door successfully.
This was doomed for failure.
Elyza inhaled shakily. Okay. You got this. Reluctantly, she pulled her hands away, because she was warm and cuddly and maybe she was a big romantic sap and as she did so and stepped back slightly, Alicia followed suit.
Another beat of hesitation.
She pointedly looked away as she slid her hand into her date’s and began to tug her towards the door. It definitely wasn’t because she was nervous…!
...No, yeah that was an absolute lie. Elyza was afraid to meet Alicia’s eyes, because she wasn’t sure what to expect. Would she see the cool, amused glances she was used to? Or something warmer and softer like what she’d just experienced?
Either way, she was fucked. Especially when Alicia squeezed her hand.
As soon as the front door closed behind them, she took a deep breath and eagerly welcomed the crisp air against her skin. It helped that now they were out of the house, the intense, booming music was muffled and no longer distracting her already flustered thinking sponge.
A weight pressed into her side don’t think about her chest pushing against your arm, don’t think--ahhh, fuck and her nose and lips tickled the side of her neck as her chin rested against her shoulder. “You okay?” Worry tinged her soft words.
Elyza tried to contain her shivers.
“Y-yeah. The party was kind of a stupid idea. Sorry.”
“Dork.”
She pouted. “What?”
“Your idea was fine. S’just turns out you’re not in a partying mood.”
“Are you?”
Alicia’s shoulders brushed against her as she shrugged. “I told you. I wanted to hang out.”
“Got a place in mind?”
“You don’t have a backup plan?” Even if Elyza wasn’t looking at her, she heard the amused lilt in her voice and couldn’t help smiling herself.
“I came up with the first place. You suggest one now.”
An unexpected poke in her side caused her to yelp and shrink away just as Alicia started pulling her along, a wide grin on her face.
“Don’t be a dick,” Elyza half-whined, willingly letting herself be dragged along.
“It’s cute that you’re ticklish. To everyone else you’re all charming and confident, but it’s like I can push a secret button and it all drops away. No one knows that under that leather jacket you’re all squishy and soft-hearted.” They walked across the lawn and down the driveway before Alicia tugged her down onto the sidewalk.
Elyza frowned and scrunched up her face.
...She was totally right.
She rubbed the back of her neck. “You figured out my evil machinations; I lure unsuspecting girls like you with my swag and disappoint them with overly gushy gestures and feelings.”
“I’m glad you’re not completely blowing off your vocab quizzes in English,” Alicia teased. “Well, what happens if they aren’t disappointed?”
Elyza blinked. She had wanted to make a joke that, yes she wasn’t blowing off her vocab quizzes and she got full marks for using swag correctly in a sentence, but choked and missed the moment. Goddamn it.
Now that they were simply sitting and enjoying each other’s company, time slowed down; she could finally take a breath and gather the courage to read Alicia’s expression.
Her calming green eyes were gazing upwards and her smile was relaxed. In the silence the pounding in Elyza’s chest reverberated throughout her body and was especially loud in her ears. When she’d realized she’d never seen the younger girl like this, she revelled privately and vowed to immortalize this moment forever in her overly eager and mushy gay heart.
“Um. ...I feel like you know the answer.”
“Smart.”
“Well, you usually know the answer for everything,” she murmured softly, afraid to break the tranquility in this surreal, impossible moment. This was one of those memories that was tucked away forever and years from then she’d still be able to recall the little details like how the soft breeze smelled subtly smoky, or the grainy texture of the concrete pressed into her palms.
But the details Elyza wanted to remember all involved Alicia. The bit of hair that partially covered her face. The way they were sitting so close their arms were pushed up tightly against the other. How she occasionally licked her lips, though she wasn’t sure if it was out of nervousness or what.
“Nah.”
“Oh?” Elyza raised her brow appraisingly.
“Mmhmm.”
“What kind of amazingly, non-existent question could stump the brilliant Alicia Clark?”
She grinned, looking away from the sky and towards her companion; Elyza would swear she saw stars lighting up her eyes.
“How come you asked me out?”
...Oh.
Her face warmed, and she swallowed thickly. Several seconds passed as she gathered her thoughts.
Elyza stared off to the side at the asphalt road when she began to speak, “I. I mean. For starters, you’re pretty. Well--not. That’s not the best word. It. It doesn’t… it’s not a strong enough word,” she rambled, her words fluctuating in volume based on how much confidence she had in them. Her fingers anxiously picked up a small rock underneath her hand and began to fiddle with it. “You’re funny and easy to talk to. You’re smart--n-not that I… I mean it’s not like I’m really smart so it’s not like I base who I go out with on that… But. You know, not like book smart--which, I mean of course you are, but I just mean you don’t say stupid shit…” She trailed off, her stomach dropping at how awful all of that was.
She was such a mess.
“I. I enjoy spending time with you. And I want to spend more time with you and get to know you more. And you know, maybe I kindofsortof want to kiss you one day if that’s okay--”
Slender fingers reached out and pressed into her cheek, guiding her gaze towards Alicia. She knew her own eyes were wide, and maybe a little panicked, but she had no time to properly respond. In the split second she saw her face, Elyza only registered the deep pretty so beautiful like light shining through leaves oh shit that was pretty good that was going into her poem assignment green of her eyes before the distance between them closed.
Considering how outgoing and self-assured Elyza was, it wasn’t surprising she was always the one to initiate the first kiss in previous romantic/sexual exploits.
This was the first time she hadn’t, and she knew this girl would be different than the rest.
Then again, she’d known from the beginning that Alicia was special.
“Hey,” the brunette spoke up softly.
“Hm?”
Right then they were sitting on a grass hill at a nearby park.
...That they may or may not have snuck into after hours.
It’s not like they were doing anything weird. Not yet anyway. One day. Maybe. Oh shit, that’d be totally romantic to fuck at the spot they had their first date, right? Definitely keeping that in mind for later.
Luckily, Elyza kept an Emergency Fuck Kit™ in the back with several fleece blankets they could lay down.
Alicia was resting against her, content with their cozy embrace. “You ever think about how big space is?”
“Mmm. Is it pretty fuckin’ big?” She pressed her face into her soft hair, breathing deeply. Her scent was soft with a bit of sweetness and slightly flowery, though Elyza was pretty sure that whatever she smelled like it’d be nice. Was that a creepy thing to think? It was okay since they were dating, right? Or. On a date. Fuck. How many first date rules had she broken?
“Yeah, you could say that” there was a gentle amusement to her words. “To scale it down in a way that makes it easier to comprehend, imagine if the Sun was a penny.”
“Pretty fuckin’ small,” she murmured absentmindedly. She was mostly responding so that Alicia knew she was listening, and maybe because it helped her keep focused; she could absolutely fall asleep against her warmth right then.
“Yup.” Even in that single syllable, Elyza could pick up the underlying excitement that she was trying to hide. What an adorable nerd. “You know how wide our galaxy would be?”
“Mmm?” Her arm was around Alicia’s shoulder, and one of the brunette’s hands were brushing against her fingers. Their other hands were wrapped together, and the blonde squeezed her. Still paying attention, promise!
“Over seven million miles.”
“Oh, shit. That’s. Kind of a big number?”
“Well, for comparison the actual Earth is about twenty five thousand miles around.”
“‘licia, please. I am barely passing my Algebra 2 class.” Elyza looked up and furrowed her brow, her brain rolling around in pain as it tried to process the huge numbers.
She laughed. “I’m not asking you to solve anything.” Alicia tilted her head towards her.
Out of the two new faces Elyza had seen tonight, she wasn’t sure if she liked the soft, relaxed Alicia, or the subtly bubbling with passion and enthusiasm Alicia.
How could she choose?
Fuck it, she picked both. They were both good.
“Okay, okay. If the Earth was the size of a grape, then the Sun would be a ball about four feet around.”
“I’m followin’ you so far.” Her arm drifted towards her waist, where she could more easily link her hand with Alicia’s.
“And it’d be a little less than five hundred feet away. So like… down by the path.”
“Okay, that’s something that won’t fry my feeble brain.”
Alicia’s grin grew wider, and she affectionately nuzzled Elyza’s cheek, who in turn pecked her nose. “So the nearest star to us is--well, it’s part of a system of three stars, but it’s a little different because of--whatever, nevermind. It’s not important.”
“You’re adorable,” she murmured, her lips pressed against her cheek.
The brunette stopped her rambling briefly to lightly kiss her, softly sucking Elyza’s bottom lip as she pulled away too soon. The blonde yearned for more and chased after her touch, eagerly reconnecting with her. They were still a little shy and moved slowly; their kisses were meek nibbles and the tip of their tongues were just slightly brushing past their lips.
Elyza’s hands moved upwards to cup her face softly. She was breathless, but even then she leaned further into Alicia and deepened the kiss as if the girl was air. Not something she craved, but something she needed.
Just a moment later, the brunette pulled away to breathe and turned her cheek towards Elyza when she moved in for more. Not discouraged by the development, she was happy enough to continue sucking on her skin, trailing a line of affection down her jaw.
“Do you want me to stop?” Alicia’s words were quiet, and a little too soft.
Ah, shit. Don’t be a dick.
“Nonono. Keep going. Sorry. I’m listening, I promise,” she whispered breathily.
She arched a brow at her, unconvinced.
“Really. Please. I’m interested. I just. Your lips are distracting. I’d look at your eyes, but they are also distracting.”
“Mmhmm.”
Elyza turned slightly to wrap both her arms around Alicia. “I care about what you care about. I’m just kind of dumb, so it’ll take me a bit to understand.”
“You’re not dumb, stupid,” she murmured warmly. Her face pressed into older girl’s hair as she returned the hug and nuzzled into her affectionately.
“Okay, so,” she continued, the soft excitement returning to her words. “If the Earth was the size of a grape, the closest star would be around twenty four thousand miles away.”
“Which is almost how long the Earth is around?”
“So you were paying attention,” the words were teasing, but there was a sincere joy to her tone.
“Of course.” Elyza sighed, completely content with their arrangement right then, especially since Alicia was pressing light kisses into her hair. “What I’m getting from this is that space is really fuckhuge. That’s just how far another star would be, right? That’s like… still in our galaxy? So what about another galaxy?”
“Trillion miles.”
“Holy fuck. And this shit is grape sized?”
“If the Earth was the size of a grape, yeah.”
“Goddamn.”
“Mmhmm.”
“And that’s like. Not even the universe, right?”
“Nope. That’s waaaaaay bigger.”
“That’s pretty fuckin’ cool. But I’m not gonna lie, shit’s kind of freaking me out.” Elyza breathed in deeply, her hands unknowingly holding onto Alicia more tightly.
“You know what’s even better though? That’s just our universe. There could be other ones out there.”
“But. ...Fuck. What?” Her brain was probably going to collapse in on itself at this rate, but it was worth it to keep going. Alicia’s voice and hearing her excitement and indulging her was a huge perk, but she would’ve never stumbled on this crazy science shit on her own. It was like watching documentaries on Netflix, which were entertaining and interesting, except she absolutely preferred her date as the narrator.
“Okay, so it’s gonna sound crazy and weird, but there’s this idea there isn’t just one universe. Kind of like in comic books and stuff, but you know, in real life. There’s lots of theories about how that’s possible. But for example, one of them says if the universe is infinite and goes on forever, but the stuff inside isn’t, then there’s only so many different ways things can be arranged, right?”
Elyza figured Alicia was simplifying the explanation as much as possible, but if she could barely understand this, she couldn’t imagine the actual science and math shit that people did to work it all out.
God. And Alicia’s going to college for this.
“So… eventually things will repeat. Eventually things will arrange in the way that made us, or the Earth or all of this,” she gestured vaguely. “And if the universe goes on infinitely, then there’s an infinite amount of versions of us.”
Really, she tried to respond. Unfortunately all she could manage was a blank stare.
“I mean, that’s just one idea though. But considering how big our universe is, and how small we are… does it seem that weird or unlikely?”
“This is kind of heavy for a first date conversation,” Elyza joked when she finally managed to make sounds with her face again. “Do you casually think about alternate universes and the fabric of our existence daily? You know, while brushing your teeth, making the bed, eating Cheerios…”
Alicia grinned, pressing another reassuring kiss into her hair. “Sometimes. But isn’t it cool to think about? There could be different versions of our world, and different versions of us…”
“Hmm. Think we know each other in those other universes?”
“Maybe. No one can say otherwise, though.”
“I hope so. It’s kind of upsetting to think that there’s a version of me missing out on the awesomeness of you. A version of you. Whatever.” Elyza wasn’t going to keep track of all the logistics of parallel realities or alternate existences when she couldn’t even keep other shit in this universe straight. Like herself. She mismatches her socks at least once a week and tried to eat spaghetti with a spoon last night.
The younger girl pulled away, her grin only getting wider. “So you’re saying you want every version of you to date every version of me?”
“Yeah, is there anyone better? Why, is there a version of you that’s too good for me?” Elyza returned the dorky smile. “I’m persistent, you know. I’m sure any version of me is. And any version of you is gonna be totally smitten. I mean, can you blame ‘em?”
“Hmmm…” Alicia pretended to ponder on it. “You are pretty charming, even if you can be annoying… But I guess your good looks make up for it.”
“Damn right they do.” She mock-beamed proudly.
They laughed, their spirits filled with a lightness that uplifted them. It was the kind of laughter that bubbled up uncontrollably and made it hard to breathe. The kind that had them leaning heavily against the other for support, and tears were rolling out the corners of their eyes.
Their hold on each other was tighter than ever, and neither of them wanted to let go.
Alicia was the first to break out of the giggles as she sucked in deep breaths. “What were you saying about heavy first date conversations before you brought up the topic of soulmates?”
Elyza smiled sheepishly, even if she knew from her dancing green eyes she wasn’t upset. Even so, her words were meek and bashful, “Did I freak you out?”
“Surprisingly? No. I think it’s actually really sweet and adorable that you thought of it.” Her smile softened. “If anyone else had said it though, I’d be worried my body would be under the hill by sunrise. So maybe you’re onto something with this soulmate thing.”
She couldn’t tell exactly in the dark, but was she blushing?
Oh my God. She’s so cute.
Not that Elyza was faring any better after her words. “Maybe I should be the one worried about being murdered… Ah--don’t hit me, I’m kidding!” She squeezed Alicia tightly so she couldn’t use her arms. But mostly because she liked hugging her.
The brunette sighed over exaggeratedly, but her chuckles gave her away.
“Hey, ‘licia?”
“Hmm?”
“If you could date another version of me, would you do it?”
Alicia smiled wryly. “Why, are you getting jealous of yourself?”
“No…” A pause. “...Maybe…”
“You’re such a dork,” she laughed. “No, I don’t want to get used to another you. I’ve spent so much time getting to know this one, and I’m getting pretty attached.” She rested her arms atop Elyza’s shoulders, and the blonde couldn’t help but wonder if she was killing her on purpose.
Did she not know what she was doing to her with that adoring expression and dancing mirth in her eyes? How could she say those things so lightly, and yet with complete sincerity?
“O-oh yeah?” she croaked pathetically.
“Mmhmm. Besides, you’re cute and I’m pretty sure there’s no way any other reality could make you any cuter.” Alicia nuzzled her cheek.
“Cute?? No, I am vicious. Like a. A hippo. Or a badger.”
“The fact that those two animals are the ones you picked out first proves my point.”
“Okay, just so you know, hippos and badgers are bloodthirsty assholes.”
“You’re more like… a puppy. Or a hedgehog. Or like, a panda bear.” The brunette continued to shower Elyza with tender affection, pressing kisses to her cheek, or ghosting her lips against her skin.
“Um. Are you trying to imply something about the quality of my sex life?” she joked softly.
The blonde’s heart sped up when she felt her lips curve against her cheek. “I’m sure your sex life is very active and healthy, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, don’t even doubt it for a second.” Even if their words were as teasing as any other conversation they’d had, the edge to the playfulness was dulled in the quiet of the night.
Neither of them kept track of time. Neither of them wanted to think about anything else besides the girl in their arms. Moments like these were few and far between; they completely submersed themselves into the cozy serenity that’d enveloped them.
Elyza was aware of every breath Alicia took. She listened for every soft murmur. Her fingers slowly traced along her body and arms and she held her tightly to keep her warm. They pressed gentle kisses into the other’s skin, and she shivered when the younger girl slipped her hand under the collar of her shirt and her fingers brushed against her back.
For the first time Elyza wasn’t in a rush to explore every inch of a girl, eager to skip all the pretenses of romance that used to bore her.
For the first time, she knew this was something she would hold onto.
She didn’t think she’d ever be stupid enough to let go of Alicia.
She hoped every other version of her wasn’t stupid enough either.