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When Artemis finally kisses Wally, Dick can’t believe it. He’s used to it— Wally flirting with any girl within a ten mile radius and still, he can’t believe it’s finally happened. Of course, after it’s happened, they exchange high-fives and exclamations like “Dude, you finally got a kiss!” and “Dude, I know!” But Wally doesn’t know when to stop talking, he talks about it for the rest of the week and then he talks about it on the mission and suddenly Dick can’t take it. Jealousy makes its way into Dick’s mouth and he tells Wally that “Dude, we get it. Someone finally got tired of your flirting enough to kiss you. We’re on a mission, this whole girl kiss-talk is totally unprofessional.” Wally says nothing after that. In fact, Wally doesn’t say much to Dick in the next few months and then one day Wally says that he has to talk to him about something important.
Dick sits in front of Wally and anxiously waits for whatever’s about to come out of his mouth because Wally always has something important to say but he never looks so serious. “Dick,” He starts off quietly so other Team members won’t hear his real name, “I’m nineteen years old and this superhero life isn’t going to be enough forever. I know that you love it and it’s part of you but I’m done getting hurt, I’m done watching our friends get hurt. I got accepted at Stanford and I’m going, Dude.” Dick just nods in response, he knows Wally’s not done talking and he knows the next thing Wally says is going to hurt more than any stab wound, bruise, scar he’s gotten on a mission. “And Artemis is coming with me.” And there it is, the cherry on top. His best pal is leaving the Team and he’s leaving with Artemis. Dick knows he should be happy for them, Wally’s his guy, his partner, his best friend and he should be allowed to do whatever is going to make him happiest. But the little bit of him that had one day hoped he’d gather enough courage to tell Wally how he really feels was crushed. He knew Wally wasn’t going to disappear forever but he knew he wouldn’t be around.
But Wally does stick around, they meet up plenty of times throughout the next five years. The first time Dick sees Wally after he leaves the Team is at his brand new apartment in California. An apartment that he shares with Artemis. Dick feels a pain in his chest about every aspect of the situation. He thinks about how he’ll never have anything like this. He won’t ever go to college; the superhero life means too much to him and he’s not as smart as Wally. Actually, Dick is smart, incredibly smart. He can hack into basically any system he can get his hands on. Not to mention, he can speak like seven different languages (a party trick that has gotten him laid many, many times) but he doesn’t have a passion like Wally’s. Sure, Dick is educated, but Wally is a science whiz and he actually really cares about it. While everyone on the Team was joking about Wally’s dumb ideas on missions (himself included), Wally was more than capable of calculating scientific equations as fast as he could run and conducting experiments that no one else on the Team had even dreamed of. And while all these thoughts are racing through his head, Dick stops and really thinks about what Wally has with Artemis and how he’s never going to have that. He thinks about how he’s never going to have an apartment with Wally, never going to argue because Wally’s eaten all the cereal yet again, never going to wake up completely and utterly happy because Wally’s the one laying next to him. So needless to say, the visit is awkward, Dick feels like a third wheel the entire time and he just keeps thinking about how he should just tell Wally, “Hey, Dude remember the time I went on a personal mission to Haly’s Circus without you and you called and knew exactly what was going through my mind? Yeah? Well, that’s the exact moment I realized I was in love with you.” But, Dick doesn’t say that because that would be stupid and totally not whelmed at all. And after that, he visits Wally and Artemis in their apartment a couple more times but eventually he stops visiting because it gets harder and harder to breathe around Wally.
He sleeps around plenty over the next five years because Richard Grayson has always been a Lady’s Man (although there are a few guys along the way as well) and it’s a lot easier to forget about Wally if he can convince himself he’s in love with someone else. But it never works out, none of the relationships last for more than a few dates. Everyone’s shocked he can manage to keep a good relationship with his exes when he’s known for his one night stands but the trick is that he’s honest. After a few dates, he tells them he’s got someone else on his mind and for the most part, people can hear the hurt in his voice when he says those words and it’s enough for them to understand.
And yeah, Wally and Dick do see each other a few more times that don’t involve Dick third-wheeling Artemis and Wally. But they’re not moments in which Dick and Wally actually get to enjoy the company of one another, and for the most part nothing seems to go right anymore when they’re together. There’s the time they need to intervene on Roy’s, or rather Roy-2.0-is-a-better-way-of-describing-him’s self-destructive path to find Real Roy. There’s also the time Dick tells Wally about his and Kaldur’s double-agent plan— because even if Wally isn’t on the Team, Dick still feels the need to tell him what’s going on because there’s no one he trusts more. And then, the subsequent argument that arises from said double-agent plan, an argument that very much has to do with the safety of Artemis and nothing to do with Dick or his feelings.
The argument is bad. Dick who is usually about as quick with words as he is with his feet struggles to make any kind of comeback towards Wally and Wally is mad and he’s running his mouth like usual and also, he’s shoving. Dick can barely stand it, he can take it from anyone else, but not from Wally. So, Dick is speechless for most of the argument, and not the kind of speechless he felt when Wally called him his best friend for the first time, or the speechless he felt when he had told Wally all about the night his parents died and Wally made him feel like it was okay to not be okay. No, this is a speechlessness that comes from repressed feelings and jealousy and hurting and wanting to grab Wally and just repeating over and over in his head, “kiss him, Dick, dammit.” And, it’s not like Dick totally can’t speak to Wally, it’s just he’s tripping over his words and the way Wally is looking at him — so angry is not helping. He finds himself wondering if Wally would be this upset if someone had put Dick in this kind of danger. This thought almost makes him laugh because Dick has put everyone in danger and he’s arguing with Wally and even with all of it going on, he’s still making up scenarios in his head where he’s Wally’s spitfire, not Artemis.
If things had gotten weird between them before, the argument just made things worse. Of course they made up eventually, but things were permanently not-quite-right after it. And in the midst of all the awkwardness and friendship that’s only hanging by a thread, it happens.
Wally isn’t around anymore. Dick can’t really wrap his head around it because it happens in a literal blur. They’re on a mission and Wally actually seems comfortable back in his old Kid Flash suit. He’s running alongside Barry and Bart and everything’s going fine, until it’s not. Then, Wally is gone, just like that. It happens and Dick doesn’t feel it, it’s not real until it’s hours later and Artemis hasn’t stopped crying and the rest of the Team just keeps begging, “Dick, say something.” But, Dick doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t say anything for a long while as he’s trying to piece back the bits of his broken heart. He’s trying to understand it, how Wally could be there and then be gone, really gone. Dick plays the scene over and over in his head. He goes through different scenarios, how things could have been different, how he could have stopped it, how he feels like it’s all his fault.
Then comes the funeral and Dick just feels angry because it’s a stupid empty box they’re putting in the ground. It’s not even Wally and Dick doesn’t lose his temper often but his ears are burning and his fists are clenched and he wants to just yell at everyone about how utterly stupid this is. He doesn’t do that, of course, he lets everyone cry around him and eventually, they head back to the Team headquarter. The place is void of any happiness and Dick can’t handle it. When he gets a moment to himself, he cries for the first time after this whole mess has happened and he doesn’t stop until he feels utterly and completely empty. Most of the Team stays in tact after Wally’s death and the funeral. Even Artemis is eager to get back to work but Dick, no, Dick can’t bear it. He talks to Kaldur and tells him that he’s giving up his position as leader because every moment he spends with the Team is a reminder of his failure and that failure gets more and more suffocating without Wally around. When Wally was around, Dick’s failures were at least somewhat bearable. Kaldur completely understands, he’s known Dick for a long time now and if anyone has noticed the way Dick felt about Wally, it’s definitely Kaldur. So, Dick does what he has to do and leaves.
Dick spends plenty of time by himself, just trying to make sense of all that has happened and the death of his best friend. It’s been a few months and Dick wakes up in his apartment in Bludhaven, alone, with the need to see Wally again. He knows the closest thing he’ll get to ever seeing Wally again is to go visit his grave, which isn’t an idea he particularly likes but his heart is yearning for his best friend and he feels like he owes it to him. So he makes his way to Keystone City where an empty box that’s supposed to represent Wally is buried. Dick stares at the grave marker and actually feels completely whelmed for some strange reason. He knows he should feel sad when he thinks of all the things he could have said when his words would have actually mattered but he still feels strangely okay. He takes a deep breath, “So, I guess I’m doing this now.” He starts off. “Now, I know this is dumb and wherever you are, Dude, you’re probably making fun of how sappy this is — me talking to a piece of rock that has your name on it. But, just remember at least my sappiness can get me some girls, while you’re sappy flirting only got you like one girl — Artemis and only because you were really lucky.” And Dick really does feel stupid for doing this, but also he actually feels like he’s talking to Wally. “Look, Wally, I love you, man.” The words feel so right rolling off his tongue and he only wishes he had said them sooner. “I love you and I always will.”
Later, on his way home, Dick grabs a slice of pizza with every topping imaginable. He smiles to himself as he thinks about how much Wally would have liked that.