Work Text:
Rin and Sae weren't on the best terms in regards to friendship. Everyone with two eyes and ears, who spends enough time around the two — just Rin works fine too, he whines about his older brother enough — they would come to realize that.
The cons of sharing the same last name was more than pros of it. Although not under their normal circumstances, because usually, Sae would be in Spain, thousand kilometers and hours of flight away. Rin had been used to the comfort: having his room all to himself, less time making food, more time to spend for himself and most importantly nobody to watch his every move. Now however, Sae returned back home because apparently his passport expired, Rin was always stalked by a pair of teal eyes that he could recognize in the mirror if he stared long enough. Always moving in his direction, darting at him like an owl watching its prey. It would be disrespectful to compare his brother to an owl, which was his favorite. Those two didn't even belong in the same sentence! Unless it was something like “Sae and owls are completely different” and anything akin. Then Rin would allow it, because it's a simple fact. Yes, indeed. But this isn't about how his brother and owls are two different books, it's something much worse.
Ever since Sae returned from Spain Rin's life got ten times harder if he's not being biased (which he isn't!) Sae got lazier over time, it seems, not even lifting a finger to clean up his dishes from the table after dinner, or grab himself a snack, or get water. He doesn't ask Rin to do it, thankfully, but he doesn't do it himself either. It's that cold shoulder and that empty look at Rin's direction, a pathetic way to pass his duties to his own little brother! It's way more than pathetic, having your little brother do all the stuff when you're a whole adult yourself? Ridiculous, immature, stupid. He could continue on putting nametags on his brother for stuff he hasn't done yet but that's also not today's topic.
Rin was aware Sae changed during his absence, and while he didn't care whatever teenage emo phase he went through during his time in Spain that doesn't mean he can ignore it. Because, apparently, Spain was so life changing that Sae came back like a whole different person! Sure he was always cold and mean but never to Rin. His little brother. He has always had the privilege of his last name, of having fat cheeks and “boba eyes” — at least that's what his elementary classmates, and occasionally Sae, used to call them — and a will that's nonexistent when he's next to Sae. It's always been like that, and Rin foolishly thought it would go on like that. But it obviously didn't. Sae had changed, evolved, grown wings. Meanwhile Rin stupidly chased their dream with no end whatsoever, hoping that once Sae returns he could continue his journey, evolving and coming out of his cocoon like he was meant to be. But instead, he met with harsh words, insults, and a shattered dream.
Rin couldn't understand why that was the outcome— he hadn't even managed to say welcome to his own brother and before he could, Sae threw their dream to the ocean and left it drowning! It all happened in a flash, all come and go, Rin could barely react to his brother's movements. That speed, those blocks and dribbles. He could understand in a matter of blink that Sae changed, so why hasn't he? They were away from eachother for the exact same time. Was it the environment, the training difference, or simply his lack of talent? Is that why Sae threw away their dream?
He knew he shouldn't dwell on the past like this, it would only cause the wound to bleed harder. But all he could think about was Sae, Sae, Sae. Stuck in the same house, the same four walls, sitting on the same dining table, watching from the same TV, brushing their teeth in the same bathroom, sleeping in the same room— sharing a room even after they are teenagers must have been the worst decision his parents made. Maybe that's another proof of their ignorance. Rin doesn't remember a moment in his life where his parents actually acted like parents. It was always just food and a house, which is the bare minimum a parent could give. And frequently, punishments. He remembers them all well, still vivid in memory. They weren't the type to go and beat him, but they did shout. They would give Rin a long unnecessary talk about how he shouldn't break his toy, that they cost a lot of money that they spend a lot of time making. He knew that, of course, he'd hear it more than the times his parents said “we love you” but the primal urge to destroy never stopped. He would never learn, repeat the action like he had zero control. It was his kind of fun, why couldn't they understand that? He would hear his father behind the closed door, they were foolish to think that would stop the noise, calling him weird. Was he weird? He always wondered about that. Everyone around him seems to agree that yes, he is weird or some sort of wrong. Sae was one of them, but Sae believed everyone was weird, and that Rin being weird didn't change anything.
He doesn't want to wander around those memories, the ones where Sae gives him an utopia: a world perfect for the both of them. Where nobody could bother them or threaten their brothership. In there, Rin never had to worry about being weird, or drooling when he's too excited, or breaking stuff, or separating his socks by material then color — just because it makes him itchy — or nagging Sae about his homework. There, they were free. Completely. Utterly. Free. He doesn't want to go back to that. He doesn't miss it— he shouldn't, he hates his brother! But the pleasant feeling of having someone to support you despite all was… Kind of nice. Being someone else's support was good, too. He's always returning the favor— listening to Sae whine about their school uniform being itchy or whatnot, or the math homework, or the rain. He liked it when they talked about stuff that made them feel something, some sort of flicker. Excitement, joy, irritation, anger. Whatever.
That's why he doesn't want them back, because if he does he might miss it and hell if he does that… He's sure he will do some stupid move, moving him back to square one. That's why he avoids these topics at all cost, brushing them to the back of his mind in hopes to never hear of them again, and his mind bringing it up just a few seconds in. It was infuriating. It was all easy when a certain red head was away from home.
That's why he couldn't escape from his thoughts even if he wanted to. Especially after the U-20 vs BLLK11 match. The bitterness of loss — not the score, but something more subjective, something more personal. That match was the proof of Sae losing his hopes from Rin, pointing at Isagi Yoichi for Japan's future, when it should have been none other than him. He couldn't fathom how Sae would make a stupid deduction like that — still stuck on his mouth. Even when he didn't have to interact with Sae he managed to get on his nerves and that was a reason to want to escape this house. Only if he was just a bit older could he move out, or get a good offer from foreign country. But he's aiming for Re Al, and he won't stop until he gets what he needs. It's not just a want, it's more important than that, it's something massive. Something life changing. Jumping club to club isn't an approachable path, so Rin waits. He knows that he will get into Re Al, they just need to turn a bit towards Japan, Kanagawa Prefecture Kamakura City. Blue Lock was fine, too. He just needed them to notice Rin Itoshi.
Unfortunately, during this two week break, he got zero offers. It's alright, he'll just keep up his training, beat some more people, shine brighter and he'll do it. Sae did it, so it's only natural for him, too. Nothing impossible, especially if that lukewarm excuse of an older brother managed to do it. And as much as he loves to hate on his brother — for his own comfort and maybe to cover up his love for him he couldn't throw away — he had more important stuff to focus on. And hating Sae makes him lose focus pretty easily.
His footsteps are loud against the wood as he makes his way to his — well right now their — room. He knows Sae is changing but he couldn't care less about him and his nonexistent privacy— he had heard numerous things about what he had been doing in Spain. Wow, really good influence, shitty older brother.
Now, if you were to ask Rin what he would find before the very similar white door he opened every morning and night, with random seagull drawings on side (because it's easier than an owl, but there are a few attempts for it, too) and a few scratches he left when he was young. He would say “nothing out of the ordinary.” and boy wouldn't he be horribly wrong.
The door opened with a loud crack, giving Sae a warning of a new presence inside the room. Rin, blissfully unaware, eyes closed and hand behind his neck like a nervous middle schooler trying to look tough.
“I know you're changing but I have to grab my–”
There he is, standing in front of his own table, the phone camera angled perfectly to highlight all those curves and abs, clothes throw on the ground with zero care in the world, and is that— is that fucking oil standing next to his phone???
Rin stares at Sae, and Sae stares back at him. Both of them were in pure shock— although Rin's disgust was fighting for the win.
He blinks once, then twice, and before he could rub his eyes to check if this is real and not some sick, twisted nightmare Shidou gave him with some kind of witchcraft, a vein popped up on his forehead. Eye twitching with his least tamed behavior.
Sae, on the other hand, looks almost, keyword almost, embarrassment. Well he better be. Anyone in his situation would already die from the embarrassment, but he's managing off well. Unless he isn't.
His mind is overworking to its last curve, trying to figure out what the fuck is he supposed to say to Rin, His baby brother? Sure he had shared some embarrassing secrets when they were in middle school but this is totally different. He just caught him in a situation far worse than catching your parents In the act— hell, next to this that almost seems innocent. Did Sae just caused Rin some sort of trauma? Will this cause him to view him in the worst way possible, God, those rumors from Spain was doing enough damage to Sae already as it is — he knew Rin must have heard of them one way or another, he's always hyperfixicated on football and Sae is the face of football at some point. Filthy slanders, low blow accusations, pathetic tries at sabotaging him. Those were all part of the “Itoshi Sae” title in newspapers — he cannot afford to be caught like this… And it's only been three days since he started it. Truly an amateur at this, huh…
“Rin- please.”
He couldn't find his words, what do you even say in a situation like this? He knew everything about football, but outside of the field? He knew absolutely nothing. And don't even come to him with emotions or that stuff, because he was even worse at that. All he knew was he used to love football when he was younger — now it's more like an obnoxious chore, something you're good at so you must do it kind of downbeat thing — and that he cared, no, adored Rin. Ever since he got to hold him for the first time. He promised himself right there, holding the weight of nothing in his hands, that he would absolutely make Rin's life an utopia he'd never get bored of. A secure place to run from their parents, to spend quality time with, even if they didn't say a word. That kind of sentimental stuff he can't fathom to remember how it felt now. He doesn't know what went wrong, he doesn't even know why Rin is mad at him lately. He thought it would be for a week or two— that teenage phase full of anger and sudden outbursts Sae remembers all too well — but it wasn't just some silly hormonal phase or anything close to that. Sae couldn't figure it out even now. When he's trying, hell he even asked Shidou about it in hopes he could lend a hand. But that demon was no good, he refused to give any important notice.
“It’s not what it looks like. I swear.”
He sounded almost desperate— something pretty out of character for the stoic prince, but he didn't care. He would destroy the earth if it meant to stop this torment.
“No- NO!! Fuck this, fuck YOU– is that fucking oil?!?”
He asked, screaming from the doorframe while he pointed at the obviously oil bottle shaped bottle.
It was like Rin was waiting for the moment Sae begged before he started crashing out— like he wanted to hear him say something pathetic to play in his mind for later, repeating the memory. But his eyes full of disgust and terror guarantees Sae otherwise.
“My~ Am I hearing it right? Is that Rin-chan~?”
Just when Sae didn't need extra company, Shidou decided to join their very lovely no violence involving conversation. He looks back and forth, unsure who to answer. God please just kill him right now.
“Uh ow… Junior lashes is steaming~”
Sae doesn't remember a time he looked away so fast, it was that desperation and shame working together to help Sae get out of this.
Rin stood there, his skin white as a paper, like his soul was sucked out from his body, shoulders relaxed despite his protests and hands unfisted. His eye, despite all odds, continues to twitch, only subtly, like when you think Stone Statues move when in fact they haven't. He's piecing the puzzles together, making out an explanation to the situation. And with every little notice, drawing closer to the answer, he feels a huge headache, like something inside his body wants to kill him. Maybe that's for the better, dying right after figuring out not only your brother is (probably) dating the worst man alive but also, somehow, manages to out freak him??? Wow… Wow he needs a seat.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
He manages, rubbing the bridge of his nose while his other hand is attached to his hip. He just looks like his brother with this pose, but he can't give a damn about looking like his brother when he's first-hand experiencing the worst case scenario.
“You’re fucking disgusting, more than your stupid boyfriend or whatever situationship you got yourself tangled to.”
He exclaimed, pointing at Sae with the same finger as before he turned his heels away and walked over the door. Hand in knob, ready to slam it against Sae's face in satisfaction. But, before he does, his head peeks out giving his older brother a clear image of his face painted in disgust and pent up anger.
“Please refrain from doing… That in a shared room.”
He warns for the last time before successfully slapping the door. His footsteps echoed in the small corridor of the second floor.
“Fuck…”
Sae sighed, kneeling in front of the table — after a few minutes that felt like hours with his knees trembling — with defeat heavy on his shoulders, hands clasped together like a disappointed, or rather defeated, father. He can't believe Rin just witnessed his freak show.
“That’s new, you swear, senior lashes~?”
And, Shidou on the other side was no help. Hell, Sae's sure he was running that mouth to create a bigger mess between them. He wanted to go over there and give it better uses… However he doesn't think he will be doing anything sex related stuff for a while after this embarrassment.
“Shut up, you were stirring things up, Demon, don't think I missed that.”
He rose, half of his face visible on the camera, he only realizes it now that he's frowning his brows so bad, he'd probably have lines soon if he continues this habit. He tries to stop, but he expresses his feelings with his brows more than he notices.
“Just wanted to have fun, you know? Don't blame me senior lashes~”
“Just. Shut. Up.”
He hissed, his hand a painful fist ready to blow something if he's pushed further. Shidou loved seeing him with an anger as strong as his, even if Sae doesn't seem to realize it yet.
“Do what you're supposed to do.”
Sae demanded, efficiently putting Shidou to work. He moves around, searching for what Sae bought him the other day— he said it would be fun. Who knew Japan's genius would be such a freak?
Rin springs out of the room, not turning around to get what he was supposed to, he doesn't want to go back — hell no — in fact he probably will be taking the couch for a few days.
He knew Shidou was a freak, everyone around him knew. But to think that demon would be innocent next to his own brother… That was absurd. His nii-chan didn't hump other people on live television, his nii-chan didn't talk about how he got a boner from a goal, his nii-chan didn't comment on people's ‘erotic shots’ and especially his nii-chan didn't do dirty talk. But it seems Sae just has control under his sleeve. He was always on a leash, always putting on his perfect little facade and walking off with pride, nonchalance if not. With a dirty heart. With sexual desires that made Rin nauseous to the core.
He always hated dirty talk. Never understood why the boys in his class would stare at the girls with lust all over their face (and pants) or why they would make unnecessary comments about whose breasts were bigger and who had a better ass. That was all pointless talk for him, if not outright disrespectful and disgusting. He, himself, never had one of those hormonal blows most guys his age have, he can't remember a time where he woke up with a boner. Those all are unknown territory for Rin. Maybe that's why the idea disgusts him, or vice versa. Maybe that's why he doesn't get any of those urges. He'd search about it, out of worry — his parents made it a full time job to make him worry about being ‘weird’ or ‘odd’ always nagging him to spot chewing his pencils or warning him about not to throw brand new clothes just because they felt itchy on him and so on. And naturally he would worry, was it normal? Would that cause some side effects? Does he have some health issues? It seems like their ideal of ‘perfect’ itches to his skin. More uncomfortable than any sock or grandpa sweater could ever give. — and had met with interesting results.
Asexuality. A term he thought fit him well. He'd done hours on articles about it, wondering if it was odd. Like his parents always had a problem with it. Biologically speaking, the only disadvantage was he wouldn't have any offspring (not like he planned on having any) which didn't bother him much. Either way, he knew science was improving everyday and that IVF was getting better each day. By the time he may think about having a kid he would have multiple hospital labs open to support his decision. And looking at the situation emotionally there doesn't seem to be any disadvantages either. Maybe a few people picking on him for being part of the lgbt community or asexualphobes who cannot grasp the situation well. Not like he cares, he can protect himself well and some strangers words wouldn't affect him much. At best it would mildly annoy him, and he can survive that.
And also not many people prefer an asexual partner even if they might be supportive, which lies in preference and he fully understands. Well Isagi doesn't mind it — in fact Rin was surprised to hear Isagi was demi-sexual, but it made things ten times better in his perspective — so he doesn't have to worry about that stuff.
Once he's downstairs he grabs his backpack and stuffs it with his needs. He's supposed to be outside by this hour but Sae had messed up his routine — and mentality — so bad he had to stop and breathe before he took the stairs.
A water bottle and his wallet, a new pack of wet wipes, his keys, those candies Isagi praised so much when he came for a visit last week and biscuits if he gets a little hungry. He has everything ready if he were to pick up his actual backpack, which is sitting in his room enduring whatever shit Sae is down to, and not this spare backpack he had in. At least he should be grateful for finding anything to bring to his late-night-walk-date kind of thingy going on with Isagi. It's their third night already and he's been dying for the sun to dip down.
Trying to cover up his enthusiasm, and anticipation, he leaves the house. The memory of his brother was forgotten for a long while. And he hopes to keep it like that.