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Sometimes when False looks in the mirror she sees a different face.
Or. Well. It’s her face, but different. Younger.
Cogsmeade is lonely between the rare visits from the other emperors, so she doesn’t take time to care about her appearance often. Who is she supposed to impress? So she doesn’t look in mirrors often. But sometimes she does.
The face is younger, softer. Doesn’t have that scar on her eyebrow, that wrinkle there. The face looks at her with wide innocent eyes.
You believe me, don’t you?
The voice speaks. False starts covering her mirror.
-
Sometimes False swears she sees things out of the corner of her eye.
If you look at the ice too long it starts to play tricks on your vision. That’s her excuse anyway. The loneliness feels like a weight. She never realized…
You believe me, don’t you?
False frowns and shakes her head, places another block. Building is slower when it’s only one person. But as far as the other Hermits now, it’s always been only one person. She did what she had to do.
-
The nightmares are the worst part. False doesn’t remember them when she wakes up, but every time she does she wakes up shaking. All that remains is the feelings. The feeling of being trapped, the feeling of betrayal, the feeling of being so.
So.
Angry.
She presses her hands against her eyes. Breathes in. Breathes out. Waits her heart to stop trying to beat out of her chest.
She looks in the mirror. The face is different. No, it’s hers. Hers, but different. Her brow wrinkles. Didn’t she cover the mirror? She covers the mirror. She starts covering the mirror.
-
The ice is definitely getting to her. False stands and stares at the bit of her base she swore she finished yesterday, hands on her hips. She picks up her blocks and starts again. This would be so much easier if…
It’s no use thinking about it. What’s done is done. It was the best decision for everyone involved.
She lays awake that night for a long time.
You believe me, don’t you? I don’t want to hurt you.
False covers her face with a pillow to try and block out the memory.
-
She wakes up from another nightmare. False drags herself out of bed.
Out of the corner of her eye she sees a reflection in the mirror.
False stops dead in her tracks. She sees a reflection in the mirror. She sees a reflection in the mirror.
She has to remind herself to breathe as she grabs one of her bed posts for balance. Didn’t… didn’t she…
False grabs a sheet and throws it over the mirror. Takes some rope and ties it around the mirror to make sure the sheet isn’t… what? Falling off during the night? That’s the only explanation. She shakes her head and tries to forget it. She has stuff to do today that isn’t worrying about a mirror.
-
Okay, one of the other hermits has got to be playing a prank on her.
False stares at the missing piece of her base. How does a section of bridge just disappear? This seems too simple to be a prank, though. They didn’t even leave a sign. False huffs and grabs her blocks. She’ll just rebuild it again. This would be so much faster if-
-
False wakes up.
She doesn’t want to open her eyes. She does anyway.
She sees her reflection in the mirror.
Younger False stares at her with wide innocent eyes. I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t you believe me? I would never lie to you.
False throws a pillow at the mirror.
-
okay who is pranking me. part of my bridge keeps disappearing
False glances at the missing section of bridge as she sends the message on her communicator. She blows a strand of hair out of her face with an annoyed huff. She picks up her blocks and gets to work fixing it while waiting for anyone to reply.
-
“Hi False! You called me over for something?”
False watches Gem land, her hands twitching to hold her sword for comfort but resisting in the presence of company. She doesn’t consider why that is something that concerns her. “Yeah, I got something I need help with.” False leads Gem inside to her bedroom. She points at the uncovered mirror with an accusatory finger. “What do you notice about this mirror?”
Gem blinks, looks between False and the mirror, squints slightly. “Well. It looks like a mirror.”
“Is there anything weird with the mirror?”
Gem squints harder and moves closer to the mirror. “I don’t see anything wrong with it?” she answers hesitantly, like it's a quiz she’s failing.
“It keeps uncovering itself at night. I keep covering it with a sheet but when I wake up it’s not anymore.” False sees the look in Gem’s eyes and she scowls. “I’m not crazy,” she says, as if that line has ever worked in any situation. “I literally tied the sheet down one night.”
“That’s not helping your case.”
False pinches her nose instead of fidgeting with her sword like she wants to. The fact that the reflection was completely normal currently wasn’t helping her feel less crazy. “Look. I had an idea. Can you like… take it and hide it somewhere for me?”
“You want me to hide your mirror…?”
“Yes.” False crosses her arms and looks away, cheeks burning. “Look, I can pay you if you want.”
Gem holds up her hands. “No, it’s fine, I’ll take it.”
-
“I don’t know what to tell ya Falsie. There’s not a bridge section here.”
“I can see that Ren,” False huffs, her hands on her hips. “All of you claim you didn’t do it, and now you’re saying you didn’t even see my message in chat yesterday.”
“I don’t remember any convo about us all pranking you yesterday. Are you alright my dude? You look a bit stressed.”
False runs a hand through her hair. “It just doesn’t make sense. Is this chunk glitched or something?”
“We could get Xisuma to come check it if you want.”
She shakes her head. “Not yet. That’s probably overkill. I wish I just knew what was going on.”
She sighs and picks up her blocks as Ren flies away. Only thing is to try again.
-
False stares into the mirror.
Her hands shake. The face smiles at her. It’s missing the scar on her eyebrow, missing a wrinkle there.
She feels like she’s going to be sick.
False sinks to sit on the floor. The face just smiles. It is her, younger her, right? She never considered any other option. There is no other option, isn’t there? What would the other option even be? A second…
Her brain feels like it's burning. There’s something missing, something broken. Some half-forgotten memory floats at the back.
Why are you doing this? Don’t you believe me?
She remembers the pain, the being trapped, the betrayal. Betrayed by who?
“Who… what are you?” she asks the mirror. The smallness of her own voice has her wanting to reach for her sword. She doesn’t know why. The reflection doesn’t answer.
-
It’s gone again. False rebuilds-
-
She tries to ignore the mirror when she walks past. She can’t have another breakdown like yesterday-
-
False sits in front of the mirror and stares at the reflection. She doesn’t remember how many days it’s been.
“Something has to change. What do you want me to do?”
The mirror doesn’t answer. She resists the urge to press her hands against her eyes, resists the urge to grab her sword. She’s tried both already in previous loops. She tried having every other emperor take the mirror, even Oli as flighty as he is. She tried smashing it, burning it, breaking the frame into little splinters. Every morning the reflection greets her like always.
False pulls her knees up and rests her chin on her legs.
“Is this just my life now?”
The mirror doesn’t answer.
-
The crunch of her footsteps on broken glass and stone echoes loudly in the empty ruins of the lab. False doesn’t like coming in here. She tried cleaning it once, but the blood stained the stone too firmly.
Her eye catches on her reflection on one of the larger pieces of glass. She picks it up carefully, angles it to better catch the light.
There’s the scar on her eyebrow from when she had a bad landing from a fall and False had to stitch it closed, the wrinkle from when she would furrow her brow in thought as the two of them planned a build. Part of False almost wants to turn and look to see if she’s there and that’s where the reflection in the glass is coming from. She doesn’t.
Her mouth feels dry. “Hey sis.”
The reflection doesn’t answer as False clears a spot of the floor clean and sits down. She rests her chin on her free hand and looks around the empty ruins. Her heart aches. It had to happen. It was the only option.
Every time she repeats it it feels a little bit more like a lie.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
The reflection doesn’t reply. She drops the shard of glass and it shatters into pieces on the ground.
-
When she leaves she changes the door to a bookshelf. It feels a bit like a burial, like a finale.
The next time she builds the section of bridge it stays.