Chapter Text
The music being strummed filled the apartment, the strings clashing against each other making a screeching noise. It sounded horrible. Two hours ago the melody was perfect, Ukraine knew that. She knew that just as well as she knew the pain that she felt against her fingertips. She wasn't looking at the music sheet in front of her anymore. Her annoyance and frustration flowed against the string of her violin. The music irritated her ears, yet, she didn't stop. She played the music faster than she needed to, the metronome useless beside her.
She stopped when she felt a cold liquid fall to her foot. Looking down, she saw blood. Her left palm pooled of blood. Yet, Ukraine didn't shout in pain, whine from the harsh friction she felt. She simply took a deep breath, until she could hear the constant beat from the metronome. Her red blood covered the neck of her violin, staining the strings that used to be almost pure white to red. She set her bow down into the case on the floor, grabbing an old cloth to wipe away the blood. All from the neck of her violin to her bloody hand, making the rag even dirtier.
With the music gone, the apartment was quiet. Her neighbors surely be pleased that the noise was gone, it was almost 11 p.m. already. Ukraine went to the bathroom, taping the wounded fingers. Her stress levels had ran high tonight. She needed a drink. It would wind her down and make her handle her pain tolerance better. A glass of whiskey was good enough. Of course, if she could, she would've drowned a whole bottle of vodka, but she needed to study tonight to prepare for tomorrow's class. Ukraine sat down at her desk, the glass of whiskey beside her, her math work on her tablet opened before her. The only language she knew by heart, that she could communicate freely. She happily studied math until she passed out on her desk.
~
The next morning, Ukraine woke up from her alarm with a sore neck and back. She rubbed her neck and took off the glasses she was wearing, letting her head rest in her hands. The sunlight beamed gently through the shut curtains. Taking a breather, she felt her heart slow down to how she preferred it. Another day... Ukraine got up from her seat, going to the bathroom to avoid having breakfast, she brushed her teeth and combed her shoulder length hair. Looking at the mirror, she had long lost herself, she knew it. She spat out the toothpaste in her mouth, washing her mouth to clean it properly. It was repetitive in her life, just like how she liked it. She dressed herself up, jeans and a shirt underneath her hoodie. With it being winter, it gave her all the possibility to hide her body.
Getting everything ready, Ukraine grabbed her University card. Anastasiya Yevtukh. Her other name. She grabbed her violin case, making sure that there weren't any blood of her last night problem on the beautiful wooden case. She closed the door behind her, locking it before making her usual route, having her headphones over her ears to silence her thoughts. It was a habit, all she ever walked to was to the train station, then her classes, then her music class, to her work and finally back home to study. To all just start again. Some people found it sad, she said it was independence. She sat quietly in the train, looking out of the window, not expecting anyone to pay attention to her.
And she had been correct.
At the front of the building, last year's notes were plastered in the front of the information board. She knew her notes, but she wanted to see if she had been the top like usual. Ukraine didn't need to go right to the front to check it out, the people talking beside her loudly already filled her with the information that she needed.
"It's that girl again who got the highest... At this point she'll be the valedictorian!" One of the guys speaking out beside Ukraine exclaimed, clearly talking about her without knowing it.
Ukraine wanted to wear her card over her neck, show everyone that it was her! But the girl beside him added.
"Isn't it weird that the speech would be given by someone we don't even know?"
Ukraine froze, her ID card in hand. She stared down at it so intensely it might burn a hole. She snapped out of it when someone bumped into her shoulder, hearing the apology quickly before the girl rushed away, busy to try and get a good seat at class. Speaking of which, she started to speed walked over to her class, needing to find the best seat with her small intimate friends. Hopefully they saved her a seat. Being crowded, her heart started to race, being so close and even sometimes being pushed to the side by other people rushing to class. It was like a competition. But of course, she was backed up by hockey players, seemingly taking their time to chat in the hallway and casually stroll. Ukraine felt like she was trapped, like a mouse caught in a mousetrap. Her worry rose when she saw an arm raise to beside her, grabbing onto the shoulder of one of the hockey player.
"S'cuse me." The guy behind her apologized, making her needing to look up from his height. "Just joining my friend." He explained quickly, with a warm smile on his face, looking down at her.
Unlike Ukraine, that man was known by everyone. Lyndon Beaulieu. His real name being Canada. Expecting some words of acknowledgement from the shorter woman, he was surprised to see her take the small window of Canada's help from grabbing his friend's shoulder to pass beside them and rush to her class. He was astonished, not expecting that. Actually, he never knew who she was. But he went back to focus on his hockey friends, brushing the encounter off to the side.
That was something new from her usual routine. However, her silence was nothing new. She scattered from the conversation, though she wouldn't really count it but simply as an apology. Ukraine didn't want to think about something new had happened, it disturbed her peace. But when she saw her closest friend, Poland, also known as Kristina Nowak. She seek her comfort and someone who she knew well. Instantly, she went down towards her, claiming the spot beside Poland who had saved the spot for her. As soon as Ukraine set her stuff down, making sure to put her violin case hidden underneath her seat, her and Poland's arm linked together.
"What happened to your fingers, Anastasiya?" Poland instantly remarked, gently holding her friend's hand in hers to observe it.
"I played the violin, cut myself." Ukraine explained, brushing her worry off with a shrug. "Are you coming to practice tonight?" She asked, leaning her head against Poland's shoulder, missing her during the weekend.
"Sigh, I don't know... Should I leave my poor introverted friend all alone during practice for one of her most important performance?" Poland mocked her thinking, receiving a gentle slap on her arm. "Of course I'll stay over tonight and practice. I'm about to get a scolding from the director, better do it now than later." She shrugged.
"You didn't practice?" Ukraine whispered as the teacher came inside the class.
"Is the sky blue?" Poland whispered back, the two girls having a smile and giggle on their faces. With this happiness, Ukraine didn't mention about the small embarrassing encounter with the popular boy.
Quickly, the class fell silent when the teacher started speaking. Quite a lot of students were annoyed to start the Monday morning with algebra, Poland being one of them, but Ukraine was taking down notes after notes. Her glasses over her eyes, her free hand playing with the hem of her hoodie sleeve, her hair strands out of her way. Everything screamed being a nerd. Not to mention her silence. The classes were always silent, and while Poland would usually annoy and play with her friend's patience, Ukraine had very little patience during algebra class. Poland was too scared her best friend would bite her head off if she annoyed her the slightest bit.
~
Just like how Ukraine remembered it, the class went just like it always did. Repetition was her friend. Until it wasn't anymore. Group projects... Very rarely did Poland and Ukraine got into the same group, despite them begging their teacher to give them a chance to work together. Most of the time, Ukraine got lucky and had girls for group projects, but this was different. This time, the partner was for the whole year, and with their luck combined, they wouldn't be together. It was a duo partner, for the most important subject too! Biology. Not Ukraine's favorite, but still a subject she loved. With winter time, the sun was almost setting, yet it was only 5 p.m.! Ukraine had to bare music studies, then work, then studies... Why must God strike her at her final years?!
"Oh of course!" Poland exclaimed, being so annoyed at the board. Ukraine held her hand in comfort. "I don't even know who this girl is!" She said as she snapped a photo with her phone of her partner, to make sure she didn't forget to send a mail.
But Ukraine was silent. Her face almost turning white as she stared at the stuck paper. It wasn't so crowded, so her heart wasn't getting worse, but even simply by holding her hand, Poland felt the stress.
"... I'm partnered up with a guy." Ukraine mumbled, almost in terror. Poland looked over to the list.
"Not just any guy..." Poland added with a gasp, starting to feel bad for Ukraine.
"Lyndon." Both of the girls said together under their breath, turning to look at each other.
As if it had been the magic word, that exact guy appeared closer and closer to the board, getting closer beside Ukraine who quickly pushed Poland more to the other side, not wanting to get close to make sure the guy didn't notice her. All the while Poland was completely stunned. That should've been Ukraine's reaction, but she had a much better poker face than Poland. Canada scanned the papers on the board, his gym bag over his shoulder, his hockey stick held up on the side of the bag. His hands hidden in the pockets of his hockey jacket, his last name and number imprinted on the back of it.
"I can't find my name anywhere." Canada told one of his friends who was helping him search his name.
"Here, found it. You're partnered up with Anastasiya Yevtukh." Finland, known also as Aleksi Lehtinen, pointed out. His tone neutral.
"Oh sweet! Thanks man." Canada said happily, grabbing his phone out to do the same as Poland. All the while Ukraine and her scooted further away, not wanting to get caught in their eavesdropping. But at the same time, the two girls were wondering what Canada's opinion was on Ukraine's name. Their collective patience was being tested hard right now.
"Do you know her?" Finland asked Canada when his friend straightened his back. Canada was taller than Finland, But Ukraine was used to tall people. His height only added to his charm as a lot of women and men would say.
"No... Not really. I mean, I know she's the upcoming valedictorian for this masters... But I've never seen her." Canada shook his head. "Now that I think about it, the same girl was supposed to give a speech for the bachelor, but no one ended up getting on stage. In the end, it was the salutatorian who spoke for her." Canada recalled. Ukraine cringed at the story. In reality, she had been so terrified to make the speech that she cowered in her seat beside Poland at the time.
"Lucky you then, she'll do all the work." Finland shrugged and Poland couldn't help but glare at that man. But Ukraine spotted Canada giving a questioning look back to Finland.
"I'm sure she's friendly enough! I'm not going to slack off, that's for sure. I need to keep up my D1 status." Canada corrected and started walking towards the two girls.
Instantly, Ukraine shoved Poland into the girl's bathroom that was in the corner of the wall. The last thing they saw was the two hockey players walking past the bathroom before the door closed. Ukraine's heart raced faster than a racecar, she had to place her hand on her chest to try and calm down. This was the pro of being a nobody. Poland stood in front of her, looking over to the stalls to make sure it was just them. After being sure that this area would be a good area for Ukraine to have a small panic attack, Poland went and held her shoulder and her hand, a sign that Ukraine wouldn't be alone during this stressful moment.
"it's fine, Ukraine." Poland said softly, using her real name to bring her back down to earth. With them being alone, they could do so. "Canada's a great guy!"
"He remembers me by such an embarrassing moment!" Ukraine exclaimed, squeezing her hand tightly. "I don't want to work with a guy, he's going to make fun of me when he finally see who the valedictorian is!" She added as well, her knees shaking.
"You're exaggerating!" Poland argued back, but in return Ukraine groaned and whined.
"No I'm not! He will!"
"You don't know that."
"He's a hockey player! A popular one! He's just going to make fun of me!"
"Calm down-"
"Don't tell me what to do!" Ukraine snapped, pulling away from her help of comfort, instead, wrapping her arms around herself and pressed her back against the cold marble wall of the bathroom to hold herself up.
Poland fell quiet after the snap, stopping the back and forth. She knew about Ukraine's deep insecurities. But she also knew how to handle it. However, Ukraine would have to face it sooner or later, maybe Canada would be a good step forward. For now, Poland respected her boundaries, and simply nodded, staying by her side until she collected herself for music practice. With a deep shaky breath, her heart thumping slower and calmer, Ukraine grabbed her violin case that had been dropped on the bathroom floor. With their arm intertwined together, they went out of the bathroom and towards practice.