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Anya Forger was a mess of a teacher. 25 years old and still falling apart. Not like that was going to stop her.
But her students, on the other hand…
“MISS FORGER!” One 7-year-old screamed, shooting her hand high into the air. “Jason SNEEZED on me again!” The girl said it with such pure rage you would have thought Jason’s sneeze had given her cancer.
“Katie…” Anya sighed. “It’s okay to be upset, but please raise your hand BEFORE talking. And Jason.” Anya turned to face the young freckled boy. “Why does this keep happening?”
“Um…” Jason turned a bit red. “I keep looking at Katie…’s drawings and then sneezes sneak up on me.”
Right. “Well…” Anya bit her lip. “Let’s, uh, try to focus on our own work from now on, okay Jason?”
The little boy gave a small nod. “Okay.”
“Okay class, back to subtraction…” Anya turned back to the board, hoping to make some progress, any progress with her class before the lunch bell rang.
It was at that very moment the lunch bell rang, resulting in an eruption of cheers from her class of 2nd graders. Wonderful.
Damian Desmond was not entirely sure how he had ended up at Eden Elementary’s reception desk. He just knew he had education certifications and needed a job, and now he was here.
He stood in a suit and tie (Which made him look quite out of place in the run down school) drumming his fingers on the reception desk. No one in sight. Did no one work here? Was he this school’s first employee?
Glancing around, he made momentary eye contact with a white-haired woman who wore a turtleneck and a terrifyingly cold expression, hurrying past him as she carried something that was shaped suspiciously similar to a body bag.
He didn’t know what to make of that. Either she had somehow broken in (Not good) or she actually worked here (even worse.) Neither spoke well for Eden’s quality. Maybe he could turn around, walk out, pretend he had never applied. Yeah… it wasn’t too late for that.
“You there!” A voice boomed from the other end of the hall. Damn it, he’d been spotted. “What are YOU doing in my school?” The brunette approached him with alarming speed. Short hair, phone in hand, he could only assume this was Principal Blackbell.
“I’m the, uh, replacement teacher for Ms. Skye? I’m really looking forward to working here, I’ve heard a lot of good things about this school.” Lies. He’d only heard warnings about this damn school. And right now, he was really wishing he had listened.
“Look” Becky tore herself away from her phone long enough to look him in the eye. “I don’t care. I just need your name.”
“Right, uh, Damian Desmond, It’s a-”
Damian’s introduction was cut off by a loud gasp coming from down the hall, followed by a loud shout of “My dude!”
The owner of the voice was a redheaded man in his early 20s, with freckles and a large grin, arms spread out as though preparing for a hug. Damian rapidly stuck out his hand for a handshake instead, careful to maintain eye contact.
“Right, okay, that works to.” Freddy gripped the hand and began to shake. “I’m Mr. Foster, it’s so nice to see another man working here at Eden. You know, there’s so many women here, we’re kind of rare… now I have someone to talk sports with!” He leaned in a bit closer, still shaking the hand with aggressive determination. “How closely do you follow women’s tennis?”
“Uh-”
“Freddy, we’ve talked about this.” Becky scolded, shoving him out of the way. “Anyways, David, here’s the keys to your room, best of luck!”
“It’s Damian…” He retorted, but Becky shook her head.
“Let’s see if you last, THEN I’ll remember your name, m‘kay Dougless?”
“Fine.” He muttered as Becky sashayed away. He began to turn the keys over in his hands.
“Do you want help?” Freddy piped up, a bit too eager to be involved. “I can show you where your classroom is.”
“I-” He didn’t have time to say no. Freddy was already tugging him down a concerningly dusty hall, talking about the history of the school as though it held any sort of relevance to their jobs.
“And here’s you!” Freddy exclaimed, opening the door to reveal a room that looked like it had been bombed by a rainbow. Colours everywhere, posters saying things like “You can do it!” And “Believe in yourself!”
“How does anyone WORK in here?” Damian complained.
Freddy stared at him, looking a little hurt. “You get used to it… if you stay.”
Right. Okay. This was Damian’s life now. He’d taken this job… now he had to stick with it. Surely Principal Blackbell wouldn’t mind if he did a bit of… redecorating. This would be fine. Everything would be just… fine.
Anya hated lunch duty. She barely got a break from her 30-odd 2nd graders, and now she was stuck cleaning up their messes, wiping their faces, and attempting to prevent them from popping open bags of chips.
“What is UP Babygirl?” Oh no. Anya turned to face her living nightmare: Principal Becky Blackbell, who had apparently decided a hot pink suit and a feather boa was a good thing to wear to the school. “Good afternoon, Ms. Blackbell.” Anya muttered, doing her best to smile, a task she normally excelled at.
“Becky. My name is Becky.” The principal stated in a completely unserious tone. “You’re my honorary baby sister! You should know that!”
“I’m the same age as you. And besides, that’s unprofessional, Becky.” Anya sighed, picking up several abandoned lunch trays.
“Girl, so is my TikTok, but that doesn’t stop me!” Becky exclaimed.
“Yeah, no, you should probably stop doing that before your get in trouble with the school board.” As much as the principal annoyed Anya, she still didn’t want to see the woman get fired. Unprofessional as she was, she still TRIED to do a good job, unlike their last principal.
“School board can’t touch me.” Becky declared with an unsettlingly extreme amount of confidence. “I’ve got blackmail on all of them.”
“Of course you do.” Anya muttered. Becky knew everything about everyone. On Becky’s 1st day at the school, she had burst into Anya’s classroom to ask about Anya’s dog, if he was recovering from his latest cold okay, if he needed any of his favorite brand of treats. That had been Anya’s first time speaking to Principal Blackbell.
“By the way girl, have you heard? I finally found a replacement for Tina! His name is Mr. Desmond, he’s just arrived at the school!”
“Good.” Anya muttered. Tina had been fired MONTHS ago, and since then, her class had been tended to by a questionable variety of substitute teachers, including the janitor, Mr. Franklin, whom Anya had once caught teaching the class about “Lettuce Supremacy,” whatever the hell that was. Hopefully the permanent teacher, Mr. Desmond, would be just a bit more stable.
“We talking about Ms. Skye’s replacement?” Fiona sauntered over rather confidently. “I told you, I have a guy for that.”
“We’ve been over this, Fiona.” Becky said quickly. “We can’t hire anyone who’s served jail time.”
“George was falsely accused anyways.” Fiona muttered just loud enough for only Anya to hear.
“And besides.” Becky continued. “We actually managed to get someone to fill the role.”
“If you’re talking about the Mormon looking guy that was at reception earlier, he’s not lasting more than a WEEK before he quits.” Fiona retorted. “No one in clothes that nice ever lasts.”
“Give him a chance, Frost.” Anya sighed. “Maybe this one’s different.”
“I’ll bet 100 dalc he quits.” Fiona leaned forward with a determined expression that Anya was growing MUCH too used to.
“Frost, you KNOW I’ve sworn off betting with you.” Anya muttered, shaking her head.
“Only because I’m always right.” She retorted, before spinning on her heel and walking away with more confidence than anyone on planet earth should ever have.
“Girl, she scares me.” Becky muttered before returning to her game of Pixel Crush, which was flashing some text about a new high score.
Of course she was scared of Frost. Everyone was. Half the school thought she was in a mob, the other half thought she’d killed several members of one. The woman was a living terror who’d somehow managed to get a job as a 2nd grade teacher.
“Becky… what was the new teacher like?” Anya figured she might as well know, since the class he’d be teaching was right next to her own.
“Girl, how am I supposed to know? I just handed him the keys and he was on his way.”
Great. So helpful. “I guess I’ll just have to meet him myself then.” Anya decided.
“You do you.” Becky waved her hand dismissively, before patting several (now very confused) students on the head and model-walking away. Anya went back to picking up empty trays and wiping messy faces. She really hoped she could get along with her new colluege.
Damian’s first hour of teaching had gone well. Ish. Two fights, one “Haircut” and a pencil-throwing war, but otherwise, it was going well. He had even taught them…
Absolutely nothing.
A whole hour, and he had somehow managed to teach these kids nothing at all. Why exactly had he thought he would be good at a teaching job? He let his head drop onto his desk with a small thunk.
“Teacher, are you okay?” A small girl with red pigtails questioned.
“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” He muttered, lifting his head back up. Couldn’t he even get a break in this job? Slowly, he stepped around his desk and hovered over the students’ work. In an effort to get the class to calm down, he had given them crayons and paper and had told them to draw whatever they wanted.
“Very good!” He praised, pointing at one little blonde’s art. “Is that supposed to be an apple?”
“No, it’s a chainsaw.”
“Then why’s it red?”
She looked at him, wide eyes blinking, seemingly completely confused by his comment. “Why can’t it be?”
“Um…” Never mind. He refused to argue with a girl who had just drawn a… red chainsaw. A 1st grader who had just drawn a red chainsaw. Good grief, this school was insane.
“Mr. Deadman!” A little boy screamed, his tiny hand waving franticly through the air.
“Desmond.” Damian corrected, as he hurried over. “What’s wrong Todd?”
“I need to pee!” Todd exclaimed, shifting franticly in his seat. Damian squinted, trying to figure out if this was a lie, but the boy really looked like he was about to explode.
“Fine, um…” Damian realized he had no idea what to do. He couldn’t just send the kid alone… right?
“Can all of you behave while I’m gone?” He looked around at the room of 6 year olds, who responded with the most innocent looking nods known to man.
“Okay, fine. Let’s go, Todd.” He reached for the little boy’s hand, but the kid absolutely BOLTED out the door and towards the restroom, leaving Damian to run after him.
“This is not how I wanted my first day to go.” Damian muttered to himself as he sped down the halls of Eden Elementary.
“Anya?”
“Ms. Forger.” Anya corrected, not looking up from the papers she was grading. Her students had learned her first name about a month ago and gotten into the unfortunate habit of using it.
“Ms. Forger, I feel-” The little girl’s words were cut off by her body releasing an impressive amount of vomit. Anya shrieked and jumped up as her once-clean desk was covered in the stuff.
“I feel sick.” The little girl finished her sentence.
“Oh, good hell.” Anya muttered to herself, apparently not out of the hearing range of several of her front-row students, who immediately began repeating the phrase. But she simply turned to the sick little girl standing in front of her. “Great communication skills, Julie… let’s go get you cleaned up.”
“Mr. Franklin!” Anya stuck her head out into the hall. “Mr. Franklin!”
The curly-haired janitor, who had just been mopping the halls, turned to face her with a rather displeased expression.
“What now, Ms. Forger?”
Over the past year of working with Anya, he’d grown to expect strange problems arising in her classroom. Last week it had been a lizard a kid had snuck into class from the playground… before someone stepped on its tail… the lizard was fine, but the children were NOT. Before that it had been someone who had lit their desk on fire with hand sanitizer and a pair of glasses. Somehow Ms. Forger’s classroom was always a magnet for disaster.
“A girl threw up on my desk, can you clean it?” Anya asked, earning her a hard glare from Mr. Franklin.
“You just want me to watch them.” He complained.
“Yes, exactly, thank you.” She muttered, as she hurried Julie out the door before the janitor could stop her. Someone had to watch the little hellraisers, and even though she didn’t trust Mr. Franklin, there was no one else who could help.
“Anya!” Julie exclaimed, tugging on her hand frantically as they turned the hallway corner
“I need to throw up again!”
Anya didn’t even bother correcting her this time. “Okay, so…” She quickly pushed Julie into the closest bathroom. “Run.”
Julie nodded, then dashed into the nearest stall, leaving Anya to wait outside.
Suddenly, there was a loud FSHH sound, followed a man burst out of another stall, yelling something about his worst nightmare, a little boy following closely behind, exclaiming something like “I told you!”
“Who are you?” Anya demanded, rushing towards the stranger. “How did you get into the school? What are you doing?” Her fists were up now, ready to fight this intruder off.
“No! No!” Damian waved his hands frantically through the air, as though that would somehow protect him. “I’m a new teacher here! I just started today!”
“Uh-huh.” Anya said, fists unmoving as Julie miserably exited the stall and returned to her side. “And why exactly are you and this student soaking wet?”
“I was trying to help him flush the toilet and the water shot back up, and-” He motioned at his now soaking wet suit and tie, which he had worn in HOPES of making a good impression on his first day.
“Oh, did no one tell you about reversy toilet?” Anya asked, eyes full of concern and understanding, arms finally going back to her sides.
“No!” He exclaimed, voice shaking with the trauma of the experience. “Why is that a thing?”
Anya shrugged. “Budgets and whatnot. We’re not a very well-funded school… look, do you want help?” She motioned towards the boy, Todd, who was still standing there in his also very wet clothes, seemingly entirely unsure of what to do.
He blinked for a moment. “Um, yeah, actually. That would be great.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “I’ll, uh, take him to get some clean clothes, could you, watch her?” Anya nodded towards Julie, who still looked absolutely sick and miserable.
“Oh, sure.” Damian stepped a bit closer.
“I’m Ms. Forger by the way.” Anya stuck out her hand before remembering it was still covered in vomit and quickly withdrawing it.
“I’m Mr. Desmond.” He said with a quick nod, as she led the boy out the door, saying something about how he didn’t need to be embarrassed, or something along those lines. Was Damian supposed to do the same? He turned to the little girl who stood next to him, looking extremely unhappy.
“So, uh… are you feeling any better?” He asked, unsure of what else to say.
Julie responded by vomiting on his shoes.
This was going to be a long day.
It had taken 4 hours and 2 fire extinguishers, but Damain had survived his first day as a teacher. First and LAST.
He’d decided the moment he’d been hit in the chest with a blast of freaking toilet water. He wasn’t going to keep working at Eden. The 20-something years old printer clicked and buzzed as it angrily spat out his resignation letter.
Dear Ms. Blackbell,
I’m sorry, but this school (If you can even call it that, I’m pretty sure I entered hell or some sort of deranged nightmare, because who in their right mind would willingly send their children here) is not the right place for me to work. (Or anyone really, I’m pretty sure you hired a murderer, please look into that if the children they are working around are real and not actors send here for the sole purpose of terrifying me.)
I thank you for the opportunity I’ve had to be employeed here, but I quit, effective immediately. (Because if I stay here any longer, I’m pretty sure the school will collapse on top of me, please, please renovate it.)
Best wishes,
-Damian Desmond
Was it petty? Yes. But this school was a mess, and some serious changes were in order. And if he was quitting anyways, he might as well bring a few issues to light.
Still… some part of him was saying this was a bad idea. Something in him was begging for a chance to stay, to try the job out, get to know his coworkers a bit better… they had seemed nice, hadn’t they?
Tap tap tap. He looked up to see Ms. Anya Forger leaning comfortably against the frame of his door. “Hey there, Mr. Desmond.” She said with a small grin. “How’s your first day been?”
“Something out of a horror movie.” He replied, returning her smile. “How do you do this every day?”
“I do it for my students.” She said, moving into the classroom and taking a seat on one of the now empty desks. “If I can make their lives even just… a little bit better… then this job is worth it.”
“That’s pretty noble.” He sighed. He had just taken this job because he needed the money.
Anya blushed a bit at the comment, but continued to look him in the eye. “Hey, you’ll find your reason too. You’re doing this as a permanent role, right?”
“Uh… yeah.” Damian’s eyes briefly shifted to the resignation letter on his desk, still warm from printing. He reached for it and quietly slid it into the trash can. He could at least give this job a week before he quit. “Yeah I am.”
“Wonderful!” Anya’s smile lit up the entire room. “We’ll be working together then!”
“Yes, it’ll be a pleasure to work with you, Ms. Forger.” He replied, just a bit too quickly.
“Oh, call me Anya.” She laughed.
“Well, then, you can call me Damian.” He replied.
She rolled her eyes. “Damian sounds uptight. How about ‘Dami?’”
“Uh-”
“Dami it is!”
“Fine.” Somehow he knew this woman could call him whatever dumb nickname she wanted, and he would go along with it. And she could have picked something much worse than ‘Dami.’
“Ms. Forger!” A yell came from down the hall. “Anya!”
“I’m in here Ms. Frost!” Anya called, rushing back towards the doorframe.
“Anya, I got the goods.” Fiona held out the body bag Damian had seen earlier.
“Oh my gosh, thank you so much Ms. Frost!” Anya leapt out of the chair and ran to hug her co-worker, who quickly pushed her away.
“It’s no big deal, Forger. I know a guy.”
Damian stared at the two women in absolute horror. Were they mob bosses or something? Well, with everything the school had thrown at him so far, he shouldn’t be surprised, but Ms. Forger hadn’t seemed like…
“They’re perfect!” Anya’s voice cut into his train of thought, and he looked up to see her heaving a rather large rug from the bag.
“Oh thank goodness.” He muttered. “It wasn’t a dead body.”
“What, did you really think I was carrying a corpse in a rug bag?” Fiona demanded with an angry glare. “A corpse in a rug bag!” She said the words as though she could not think of anything more horrible than using a rug bag to carry something other than rugs. “We’re not savages!” She shrieked, as she stormed out the door.
Anya stood in the door frame, trying hard not to giggle.
“You can laugh.” Damian muttered, his cheeks beginning to turn a bit redder than before.
“I-” Anya’s entire body shook with laughter. “Did you… think… she was… carrying a… body around all… day?”
“YES!”
“No wonder you’ve seemed so nervous! You thought we were all murderers!”
“Exactly!” Damian threw his hands up in the air. “I thought I was going to die!”
“Well, sorry to disappoint.” She laughed, bending to haul one of several rugs out of the bag, and walk it over to Damian. “Here.”
“What’s this for?” He questioned, cautiously taking the rug. After all, there was still a chance there was a body rolled inside.
“Oh, there was a flu outbreak last month… half the rugs in the school got ruined when all the kids got… sick. Ms. Frost actually helped me order new ones.”
“Well… thanks.” He muttered, still holding the rug. Why did holding rugs have to look so awkward?
“Any time, Dami.” She smiled with a dismissive wave of her hand, as she turned to walk out the door. “That’s what friends are for.”
He blinked for a moment. Friends?
“And by the way…” She poked her head back in the classroom. “Loose the tie.”
He smirked. “Yes ma’am.”
He listened as her heels slowly clicked back into her own classroom next door.
Maybe… maybe working at Eden wouldn’t be so bad after all.