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Spring was, in theory, a calm season. It made people think of pink petals decorating rivers and pavements, of cool breezes and days spent watching the clouds drift by through classroom windows as the teachers talked about working hard over the next few months. Be it birdsong, budding flowers or the laughter of new first years echoing around the grounds, there were many carefree associations with this time of year and the easy atmosphere it brought.
Kuramochi was familiar with all of this. He was also familiar with the rhythmic thudding of shoes on dirt, the tired complaints of new voices (one of which had been his own last year), the shouting of the coach and the mass of the upcoming summer tournament looming on the horizon. All those things ran through his mind as he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, unaware of the exact time but supposing it was around midnight or past that. Nights without much sleep weren’t uncommon for him in spring – he'd had a spell of them last year, too.
On the bed below him, Sawamura muttered incoherent things in his sleep. Masuko snored in the bunk across from the two of them. Neither sound was keeping Kuramochi awake; his mind simply refused to rest. He kept running through all the things he needed to do this year: focus on batting, coordination, think faster, move faster, spend more free time hours swinging in the warehouse…
As time passed it became obvious that he wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon and that lying here thinking was just agitating his brain more – he needed to move around.
Kuramochi got up from his bed carefully, making sure not to disturb Sawamura by shaking the frame, and climbed down the ladder. It wasn’t too cold out, but he pulled on a hoodie as well as slip-ons just in case and escaped to the outdoors.
As expected, he was the only one outside. The only sound was the cool breeze blowing through the grounds, ghosting across his face and neck, and he stood there for a few moments, just enjoying the night air.
He then started walking, nowhere specific in mind, just going wherever his feet decided to take him. Kuramochi stepped along the path and away from the dorms, down towards the two baseball grounds – he wondered if he should swing a bit while he was here, but reminded himself that would only get his adrenaline flowing and make it even harder to sleep when he got back.
A shape out of the corner of his eye grabbed his attention, and he stopped.
He was only about halfway to the baseball fields, surrounded by grass on either side of the path. On the grass to his left sat a figure, and even in the dark Kuramochi immediately recognised that it was Ryousuke, leaning back on his palms with his head tilted up to the star-filled sky.
Kuramochi hesitated for a moment before approaching him. Ryousuke must’ve been lost in thought, or he just didn’t think much of the approaching footsteps, because he only looked up when Kuramochi was a few feet away. “Hey.”
“Hey, Ryou-san.” They were a long way away from anyone else, but Kuramochi still kept his voice quiet as he sat next to him.
Ryousuke regarded him for a moment. “Sleeping problems?”
“Kinda.”
“Need me to sing you a lullaby?”
He snorted, swatting him on the shoulder. “As if.” Ryousuke swiftly flicked him on the forehead in response, despite Kuramochi’s attempts at ducking. The former watched in amusement as he almost lost his balance trying to lurch out of reach of Ryousuke’s hand.
A quick look at Ryousuke affirmed that one, he was in his pyjamas (a t-shirt and shorts), and two, this meant he wasn’t binding. This wasn’t really a new sight for Kuramochi; Ryousuke could only wear a regular sports bra during practice, but he did swap it out for a binder during free time hours. It wasn’t often at all that he’d just ditched the two altogether.
Of course it made sense at this hour; binding while sleeping was a recipe for disaster, he’d learnt that much. Kuramochi wondered if Ryousuke hadn’t wanted anyone to come by tonight, but if his presence was bothering him, he didn’t show it. He also wasn’t making any effort to cover his chest, unlike the first couple of times Kuramochi had seen him like this, so he figured it was alright.
He averted his gaze and sat more comfortably on the grass, one leg stretched out in front of him. “How come you’re out here?”
A pointed look. “I figured some unruly underclassmen might try sneaking around the grounds at night, so I sat here to scare them back to their dorms.”
“Yeah? You’re doing a great job, Ryou-san.”
Ryousuke’s eyes glinted from under his eyelashes. “Talking back, are we? Do you want to be bullied? You’ll be running back up that path in seconds.”
Kuramochi grinned. “You sure about that? Make me.”
Ryousuke moved in a flash, a hand on the side of Kuramochi’s face and the other on his chest to force him onto the ground – Kuramochi pushed at his shoulders, laughter bubbling up in his chest as he tried to pry him off, but Ryousuke’s strength was nothing to sneeze at and he quickly felt the brush of grass against his neck as he was wrestled onto the dirt.
He struggled, pushing himself up in an attempt to yank Ryousuke down on top of him, but Ryousuke twisted and shoved his knee into Kuramochi’s stomach, pressing both hands down on his shoulders like clamps and preventing him from moving. Breath coming in audible huffs, he smiled down at him. “You’ll have to try harder than that.”
Kuramochi only hesitated for a couple of moments before surging up and wrapping his arms around Ryousuke’s torso, eliciting a sound of surprise, rolling over and tugging him down so they both hit the ground. Ryousuke struggled in his arms, shaking with laughter, feet battering at his legs, and Kuramochi tried to retaliate but just ended up kicking his leg into thin air and throwing his slipper across the grass. He descended into a fit of stifled snickers, muffled against Ryousuke’s shoulder. “Fuck.”
“Kuramochi, fetch,” Ryousuke told him, trying to shove him off. Kuramochi just hugged him tighter, feeling the mirthful vibrations in his chest. “Don’t wanna.”
“Bad dog.”
“Stop it.”
He nuzzled closer, but the cheery atmosphere was broken when Ryousuke suddenly stiffened, his hands pushing frantically at Kuramochi’s shoulders. “Ow, ow, get off.”
It only took a moment for Kuramochi to realise he was putting pressure on a soft part of Ryousuke’s chest that was definitely a no-go and quickly jerked back, releasing him. “Fuck, sorry, I didn’t realise.”
“It’s fine.” Ryousuke sat up a bit, rubbing the sore spot. After a short moment he lay down again, and Kuramochi followed his lead once he was sure everything was alright.
He lay closer so their shoulders almost brushed, gazing up at the stars. There weren’t as many as there would be in the country; this was Tokyo, after all, but the nearby lights were off and there were enough stars visible to be something worth looking at. Kuramochi couldn’t recognise any constellations apart from maybe the Big Dipper, but he found himself looking for shapes in the sky either way.
As he watched, a tiny flash of white streaked across the dark expanse for a moment before vanishing, and he grabbed Ryousuke’s hand automatically in excitement. “Ryou-san, did you see that?”
“The shooting star? I did.” Ryousuke looked down at their joined hands and squeezed his palm. “Someone’s affectionate tonight.”
Kuramochi grinned, linking their fingers and feeling his heart skip a little. It was sometimes embarrassing how just simple contact like this could make him giddy, but he had plenty of reason to be cheerful. Lying on the grass under a clear, starry night and holding hands with someone you loved was one of those sappy romantic situations that didn’t happen in real life, and yet here they were. He was happy, and much more relaxed than he’d felt when trying to fall asleep before.
He glanced over at Ryousuke. “No, but really, how come you’re out here?”
Ryousuke just shrugged. “Same as you. I couldn’t sleep.”
Kuramochi studied his face carefully. “Any reason?”
“Nothing different to usual.” Ryousuke yawned, his eyebrows furrowing. “It's not so bad now, though.”
A warm glow settled in Kuramochi’s chest. “Same here.”
He reached over to brush a stray lock of hair out of Ryousuke’s eyes, and the latter leaned into his touch slightly, letting his fingers graze his cheek. Kuramochi fitted his palm more securely around the side of Ryousuke’s face and leaned forward, kissing the top of his head. Ryousuke sighed quietly, a sound that would’ve been impossible to hear had they not been so close.
Kuramochi leaned back, watching him. “The usual” for Ryousuke in terms of keeping him awake wasn’t that different to Kuramochi’s predicament; they both occasionally locked themselves into their thoughts during the night, but Ryousuke was definitely worse. He wasn’t the type to confide in people often, not even Kuramochi, yet he couldn’t hide everything. Kuramochi had first confronted him about it in March before the arrival of the new first years, after noticing the stark shadows under his eyes and the way his shoulders sagged with tiredness during practice more so than the others – what was keeping him awake? The answer could’ve been a number of things – an injury? Dysphoria? Or just general anxiety – but over what? Ryousuke had been just as stubborn as usual during the process, and it had taken a lot of coaxing to get him to talk openly.
As it turned out, Ryousuke had also been having nightmares. Nothing too harrowing, but enough to eat into his sleeping hours. Kuramochi hadn’t pried into the details; it wasn’t necessary, but from Ryousuke’s words and the general team atmosphere he could guess. With the new first years on the horizon, all the third years were on their toes; it wasn’t unheard of for a first year prodigy to stride into the spotlight and push an unsuspecting upperclassman into the shadows.
Kuramochi could see from an outsider’s perspective that no one could ever show up and claim Ryousuke’s spot on the team just like that, but he knew it felt different when you were the one in the position. That night, he’d carefully suggested Ryousuke stay over in Room 5, and the latter had grudgingly agreed. That was the first time Kuramochi had seen him without any form of binding.
Propping himself up on his elbow, he half-wished they could just spend the night out here. Ryousuke looked so peaceful, his lips and eyelids relaxed and his shoulders resting evenly against the freshly cut grass. His hair fanned out in a rosy halo around his head, fringe resting over his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, outlined in silver by the starlight. Kuramochi remembered the time Ryousuke had told him how grumpy he looked when he slept and stifled a snort, imagining how different their sleeping faces probably looked.
Ryousuke turned to look at him. “What are you laughing at?”
“Nothing. Myself.”
“Understandable.”
“Never miss a chance to insult me, do you?”
“Well, you make it incredibly easy.”
“Shut up.” Kuramochi threw an arm over Ryousuke, taking care not to elbow him in the chest, and Ryousuke responded by huffing in amusement and rolling over so his head was tucked under Kuramochi’s chin. Kuramochi kissed his hair and found it was littered with pieces of grass – he brushed them out, grinning fondly.
Their hands were still touching, although in a different position to before, elbows bent and fingers linked in between their chests. Ryousuke was soft in some places – his hair, his waist, his lips – but his hands were not one of them, hardened by callouses from working himself down to the bone to get to where he currently was. The muscles were there to prove it; Kuramochi could feel them as Ryousuke snaked an arm around his waist.
He wasn’t the regular second baseman for nothing, after all. If anyone even dared to think otherwise they’d be eating their words as well as suffering from Ryousuke’s relentless jabs for weeks (I’m weaker than you? We’ll see who’s saying that after you’ve run forty laps around the grounds and finished seven hundred swings. I could do all that and more in my sleep). Whenever a newcomer laid their eyes on him, Ryousuke stared right back, a face of sharp steel wordlessly daring them to say anything against his presence.
It was such a contrast to how he looked now. Kuramochi closed his eyes, pressing his nose into his hair and breathing in. He smelled like the fresh night breeze and sweat and blossoms – or maybe the last one was just a result of the spring air, he couldn’t tell. Hugging him securely, he felt himself start to doze off, comforted by the warm weight of Ryousuke in his arms.
Ryousuke stirred before he could actually start napping. “We have to actually go back to bed sometime, you know.”
Kuramochi groaned a complaint, tried to pull Ryousuke closer, but he was too sleepy to keep him there and Ryousuke sat up, placing a hand on his face and squeezing his cheeks. “Come on. Get up.”
After another small scuffle which involved Kuramochi trying to roll away from a persistent Ryousuke pinching at his nose, he allowed himself to be dragged up, rubbing his eyes and knowing he would regret staying up this late, though it wasn’t like he could’ve helped it. Ryousuke ruffled his hair, and Kuramochi leaned wearily into his hand. “’Kay. Let’s go.”
“Go and get your slipper first.”
Kuramochi jolted; he’d almost forgotten.
They didn’t talk much on their way back, partly because they were nearing the dorms and had to be quiet, but mostly because they just enjoyed the comfortable silence. When they were about halfway there, a stronger gust of wind blew through the grounds, and Ryousuke shivered.
Almost automatically, Kuramochi took off his hoodie. “Here.”
Ryousuke looked at him in mild surprise as Kuramochi tucked the hoodie around his small form, and raised an eyebrow. “We’re almost at the dorms, you know.”
“Then take it with you,” Kuramochi said, and then flushed red at his own boldness. Ryousuke regarded him, amused, before slipping his arms through the sleeves and shrugging it more securely onto his shoulders. “I might take you up on that.”
“You can give it back in the morning,” Kuramochi mumbled as they carried on walking, still embarrassed. Ryousuke hummed thoughtfully. “I could.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re gonna keep it forever?”
“Like you’ll object.”
“That’s not the point!”
“I think that’s exactly the point.”
He was smiling wryly, and Kuramochi awkwardly looked away, scratching at the back of his neck. “Whatever. Do what you want.”
Ryousuke fiddled with the strings on the hood, looking pleased with himself.
They eventually approached the spot in front of the dorms where they would have to part ways and go to their separate rooms. The two of them stopped, Kuramochi watching Ryousuke and wanting to say something, but struggling to think of how to word it.
“Uh… so…” He swallowed. “Is there like… maybe a chance you could… kinda… come and sleep in my bed tonight?” The last part was said in a rush, but Ryousuke heard it nonetheless and raised his eyebrows.
“Last time was only a few days ago, and hiding myself was a pain. Do you want people to start asking questions?”
Kuramochi decided not to point out that people had asked questions – Kijima had asked why Ryousuke hadn’t been in his room when he woke up, though Ryousuke had managed to play it off by saying he’d just woken up before his alarm. Half an hour before that, Kuramochi had hidden Ryousuke under his bedcovers so Masuko and Sawamura wouldn’t see him – and it had worked, just about, although the process had been nerve-racking. Nothing bad would happen if they were seen, but their relationship was still a fairly new development and they wanted to keep it under wraps for now. All this just to sleep next to each other for a night (who was he kidding, it was worth it).
He tried again. “Just this once-”
“Not today.” Ryousuke folded his arms and fixed him with a stare, which probably would’ve been more intimidating if he wasn’t wearing a hoodie that was visibly too big for him. “Another time. And keep your voice down.”
“No lullaby, then?”
“Go to bed, Kuramochi.”
“Okay.”
They kissed before leaving, Kuramochi holding Ryousuke’s face in his hands – he was disappointed when Ryousuke pulled away and said that that sleep was more important than kisses. Kuramochi managed to steal another clumsy one as he was leaving despite this, earning him a chop on the forehead (which smoothly switched to a hair ruffle afterwards). After that, Ryousuke silently slipped into his room and closed the door.
Kuramochi returned to his bed a few moments later, grinning. Sure, he’d be dead tired in the morning, but after his head hit the pillow he fell asleep easier than he had since the start of the school year.
He hoped Ryousuke did, too.