Chapter Text
Hope Valley, Alberta, Canada
Wednesday, October 27, 1920
But, maybe...maybe these paths were meant to be. I wish I could give you all of my heart, but I just can't. And you deserve to be with someone who—
“Governor Bouchard, we’re about 10 minutes out.”
The all-too-familiar voice in his head quickly disappears and is replaced with a sinking feeling in his stomach as Lucas tears his gaze away from the autumn landscape that is racing by the taxi’s rear window and offers his stoic Mountie escort a curt nod.
Yes. I’m aware of where we are.
In response, the older constable simply turns back around in his seat and leans over to whisper something to his partner driving the vehicle, causing Lucas’s already deep sense of dread to mix with a growing level of pure exasperation.
Damn death threats. Who knew Balfour had so many crazy fanatics on his side? As if being elected governor wasn’t overwhelming enough, now I have to deal with a very noticeable security detail everywhere I go, and I haven’t even been sworn in yet. It’s exhausting.
Leaning his head against the backseat of the car, Lucas closes his eyes and fiddles with his cufflinks while he tries to mentally prepare himself for the emotional chaos that he is about to encounter in the next few minutes.
It’s going to be fine. I’m going to be cordial, and I’m sure she will be, too. And I’m certain everyone in the town will be supportive of me as well because I did everything they asked me to, and they are safe now. So, just relax, Lucas. Breathe.
He inhales quietly through his nose in an effort to calm the rising anxiety in his body, but he finds that his nerves are so frayed that he cannot slow the rapid beating of his heart.
For heaven's sake, man. Pull yourself together. You are stronger than this.
It’s been almost a month since Elizabeth Thornton broke his heart after abruptly ending their engagement on that godforsaken train platform in Union City, just minutes before they were supposed to leave for Capital City—together—to begin his bid for Governor of Alberta—
—an endeavor I only agreed to pursue because she wanted me to.
And although Lucas has tried countless times to convince himself that it’s all for the best, that this life really is the one he has wanted all along, that—in the end—he was never truly worthy of her and she deserved better, he still can’t seem to silence Elizabeth’s voice in his head.
“I wish I could give you all of my heart, but I just can't.”
Sighing loudly, he drags his fingers down his face in utter frustration and stares up at the ceiling of the car.
But, why? I need to know why.
“I heard that.”
Cracking his left eye open, Lucas tilts his head toward the low voice of his political manager, Edwin Mitchell, and offers him a not-so-subtle glare, a look that the older man conveniently ignores as he keeps his attention on the stack of papers in his lap.
“And?”
“And,” Edwin continues, nonchalantly flipping to the next page, “I know what that sound means. But, you have to keep your focus on what's important—governing this great province well. And in order to do that, you need to accomplish certain tasks, starting with handling your business in Hope Valley.” The manager then glances up from what he is reading and side-eyes Lucas intently. “You can do this. Just play nice, and don’t let your personal emotions distract you.”
Easy for you to say.
An uneasy tension fills the car while the two men regard each silently, and Edwin stares at the young governor a moment or two longer before gazing back down at his work and leaving Lucas alone to yet again battle his spiraling thoughts as the familiar outline of Hope Valley finally comes into view.
Yes, you can do this, Lucas. Just play nice.
The weather is unseasonably warm for an October afternoon, and Lucas is already sweating by the time he steps onto the wooden stairs leading up to the RCMP’s branch office in Hope Valley. Looking around the town, he immediately notices that instead of receiving welcoming expressions, he is faced with wary glances, almost as if the townspeople are perturbed that he is there.
That’s strange. I figured they would be happy to see me. I saved our town.
Shrugging off his discomfort, Lucas chalks up their reactions to them simply being nervous about the public threats of violence against him—
—and for that, I can’t really blame them. It has to be unnerving to see me here with all that drama swirling around me—
—and he inhales sharply and follows his two Mountie escorts into the building with Edwin in tow, his vision struggling to adjust to the darker room as his eyes dart about the room in apprehension.
Nathan.
In truth, aside from reuniting with Elizabeth, seeing Nathan Grant again was what Lucas dreaded the most. The two men have always had a rather uncomfortable relationship, especially where Elizabeth is concerned, and although they were starting to move toward a friendship before he left for the campaign trail, Lucas can now only assume that a palpable awkwardness will exist between them once more.
After all, he and Elizabeth have always been close, so I can’t imagine he will be incredibly happy to see me—or be thrilled that he has been put in charge of my security during my stay here.
“Chief Constable Grant?”
Oh, that’s right. Nathan recently received a promotion.
There is no answer, and Lucas notices the confusion on the Mounties’ faces as they check the clock on the wall—
—5:00 p.m. on the dot, as planned—
—and then whisper to each other about whether or not Nathan actually received the message that they were arriving today. Meanwhile, an annoyed Edwin throws his hands up into the air and mutters something about “gross incompetence” before marching out of the office in an apparent attempt to hunt down the elusive constable by himself.
Great.
Exhaling forcefully, Lucas sits down in one of the chairs in front of Nathan’s desk and wipes his slick palms on his pants, hoping that he can at least appear to be calm.
Goodness. You have to relax. I’m sure Nathan will be professional. It’s not like he is going to—
His mind goes blank when hears a deep laugh followed by a light giggle coming from the back room of the building, and it’s in that moment that Lucas senses his entire world shift in the worst way possible.
OH.
“Chief Constable?”
The younger of the two Mounties steps forward slowly and tentatively knocks on the closed door, backing up quickly when Nathan emerges hand-in-hand with a glowing Elizabeth, their expressions changing from embarrassed surprise to downright horror when they see Lucas waiting in the middle of the office.
I guess this answers my question about the “why.”
The pressure in the room soars to an unprecedented level, and Lucas finds that he can hardly breathe as Nathan drops Elizabeth’s hand and quickly whispers something in her ear, causing her to lower her gaze and exit the building without even another glance at Lucas.
“I wish I could give you all of my heart, but I just can't.”
A conversation regarding his safety swirls around him, only to be made more chaotic by the reappearance of Edwin, who begins chastising the Mounties for how long everything is taking. However, Lucas barely hears any of it and stares ahead in shock while his mind attempts to grapple with what he just witnessed.
What is going on? It’s only been a month since our relationship ended. Does this mean that they’ve been together this whole time? Even while we were courting and engaged?!
At this point, Nathan is putting on his red serge over his thin white shirt, and he quickly signs some papers before making some muffled comment about how he will take Lucas’s safety very seriously and ensure that nothing will happen to him during his time in Hope Valley.
How can I possibly trust you?!
Nodding stiffly, Lucas stands to his feet and blatantly ignores the outstretched hand of his shameless betrayer, mumbling that he needs to visit his office in the Queen of Hearts directly in order to start packing up his things.
I can’t be here right now.
Without waiting for a response, he rushes out of the building and charges into the street, ignoring the fervent whispers and harsh stares of the townspeople while he rearranges the events of the last two years into a completely different picture, one in which he played the role of a damn fool who was in love with a woman whose heart belonged to another.
Our entire relationship was a facade.
And as the full weight of this realization hits him, Lucas discovers that the only thing he can do is come to a standstill in the middle of the road and stare helplessly over his shoulder as Nathan leaves his office and walks in the direction of the library—their library—to where a flash of short brown hair and a pink skirt is waiting for him, just inside the doorway.
How could I have been so blind?
The dining room is moderately filled when Lucas manages to stumble into the saloon, his stress skyrocketing uncontrollably and leaving him almost unable to breathe.
I just need to be alone.
“Lucas! You’re here!”
The edge to Mike Hickam’s voice is unmistakable, and within seconds, the entire establishment goes quiet, causing Lee and Rosemary Coulter to emerge from the back hallway, a certain hopeful expression covering their faces.
Oh, great. They are already here and eager to begin. Opportunistic, are we?
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Lucas draws in a ragged breath and plasters a smile onto his face as the trio of friends approach him, noting how their eyes seem to peer through the open doorway behind him and nervously dart about the town.
So, they are wondering if I know already. How wonderful.
“I’m already aware,” Lucas mutters under his breath, and Lee and Mike at least have the decency to appear apologetic while Rosemary simply shrugs her shoulders and energetically announces that everything happens for a reason and true love always wins out in the end.
Excuse me?
A smoldering fire of loathing begins to burn in Lucas’s gut, and he sets his jaw and shoots Rosemary an ice-cold stare.
“Did you know?”
Her answering silence is deafening.
So, help me, Rosemary….
“Lucas,” Lee quickly chimes in, trying to prevent an escalation in emotions, “clearly a lot of things have changed since you left, so let’s just focus on the task at hand. We know you owning the Queen of Hearts is a conflict of interest now that you’ve been elected governor—congratulations, by the way—”
Thanks…I did it for all of you.
“—so we should probably take care of the sale today.” Lee then squeezes Lucas’s shoulder and flashes a small smile. “When do you think you will be available to sign the paperwork?”
“When I’m good and ready.”
Lucas’s tone is tense, and he shakes Lee off and side-steps the now-speechless group, his temper bristling at the sound of Rosemary’s grating voice saying that she hopes he signs the sale contract soon because she wants to have the office area completely redecorated by the end of the week.
Are you kidding me?
Picking up speed, Lucas weaves his way through the restaurant and toward his office, screeching to a halt and staring wide-eyed about the room while his initial shock quickly fades into pure rage.
“Where. Are. My. Things.”
Tens of cardboard boxes litter the floor, and from what he can tell, all of his belongings—his souvenirs from abroad, his precious photographs, his beautiful chess set—have been thrown haphazardly into them without any rhyme or reason. His desk has been entirely cleared off, and both his loveseat and his bookcases are simply…gone.
It’s like I was never here.
An intense wave of despair and hatred washes over him, and Lucas clenches his fists so tightly that his nails begin to dig into the palms of his hands while the violent urge to punch the glass portion of the door beside him threatens to overtake him.
I need some air.
The balcony of the Queen of Hearts has long been a place of comfort for Lucas throughout his years in Hope Valley, a place of peaceful escape where he can be alone with his thoughts and just…be.
But, that was then, and this is now.
And as he rests his elbows on the railing and overlooks the town that he ultimately considers his home, he can’t help but feel an incredible sense of betrayal coursing through his veins.
She lied to me…and used me. And he was complicit in it. And they all know about it but don’t care. And now—
“How long is Mr. Bouchard going to be here?”
A voice belonging to who he knows to be Emily Montgomery, one of Elizabeth’s students, shatters his train of thought, and he instantly forgets his inner rant and shamelessly eavesdrops on the conversation that is happening below him.
“I’m not exactly sure. Why do you ask?”
Oh, that’s Molly.
“Because I just saw Mrs. Thornton in the library, and she seemed upset. And I heard Constable Grant mention Mr. Bouchard’s name, so I assumed he was at fault.”
Of course. And here I was hoping to “play nice,” as Edwin put it, and remain friends with everyone, and I still get blamed. This is why we can’t have nice things.
“I, for one, am not surprised in the least that she is distressed to see him,” Molly replies in a bossy, matter-of-fact tone, prompting Lucas to purse his lips in frustration. “Did you just hear from Rosemary how he just treated her and Lee in the saloon? He was probably even worse with Elizabeth! That man always did seem a bit—”
“Shady!” another female voice suddenly hisses. “But, now he can at least put that part of him to good use by protecting the town as governor. And like I was telling Ned—”
Florence!
“—I’m sure it is going to be awkward for the two of them to see each other this week in particular. After all, their wedding was supposed to take place three days ago.”
Don’t remind me.
“Well, I hope he leaves soon,” Emily retorts, her biting inflection revealing her obvious disdain for Lucas. “My classmates and I were discussing this a few minutes ago at the Soda Fountain, and we hate seeing Mrs. Thornton sad. And from what she told us, Mr. Bouchard is the one who broke off the engagement and left her to go be governor—”
She said WHAT?! No wonder the whole town seems to hate me! That lying—
“—so he should just stay in Capital City and do his job. And I know even Little Jack feels the same.”
Buddy.
Unable to bring himself to listen to anymore, Lucas retreats from the balcony and hides just inside the open doorway, his breathing becoming more shallow and labored by the second.
Everything I ever believed was a lie. I’ve never been wanted…I’ve never belonged…I’ve never been loved.
He presses the palms of his hands into his eyes in unbridled hurt and anger, and he inhales steadily through his nose in an attempt to calm his racing heartbeat.
Love is a myth. It is not rooted in trust…or patience…or hope. It’s just a tool used by people to manipulate and control you.
Then, ever-so-slowly, Lucas senses his pulse start to decrease, and he lowers his arms and stares straight ahead, his hardened gaze boring mercilessly into the horizon line that lies far beyond the town.
It’s clear that my worth stems from what I can give people, nothing more. And after I am no longer of use to them, they are free to stab me in the back or abandon me…or both…with little-to-no consequences. And I’ve naively let it happen—in the name of love—for years. But, never again.
And without warning, something snaps deep inside of him, and the warm light of his once hopeful desire for love and acceptance is utterly extinguished and replaced by a cold, dark resolve to protect himself by any means necessary—no matter the personal cost.
Never again.