Archive of Our Own

For the first time in HiMERU’s life, he had a boyfriend, well, two boyfriends, to be precise. 

At first, he doesn’t really know what to do. Well, all of them are. They don’t have any experience in a relationship, never mind a polyamorous relationship. For the first few months of them being officially together, no buts, no ifs, it was just a period of transitioning, learning how to love two people at once. 

It was hard, as society doesn’t really come with an innate guide to a polyamorous relationship, where monogamy was the default option for couples. HiMERU wouldn’t lie; it was hard since he had another thing to adjust to while also learning how polyamory works.

Himself, or more specifically, how he will receive or even give actions or words to convey his love. 

He never really had to outwardly express any emotions, or at least felt the need to. Well, Mayoi and Tatsumi was quite a little bit lucky, as HiMERU was already starting to come out of the cocoon he was in for his entire life, thanks to Crazy:B, who were the first ones that gave him some security to be himself , much to his utter frustrations that they have known something they shouldn’t. But when you are unitmates with a guy that plays 5D Chess most of the time, a child that came from a lineage of assassins, and the man that the other guy has trusted the most to tell his secrets to his chess game, he knew such a time would come. 

While his system was telling him everything just went wrong the first time, he expressed an ounce of connection to Crazy:B back in the SS in Kansai, and he knew it would be a slippery slope. A step in, you came tumbling. 

Well, he would argue that being slightly open to your unitmates is utterly different from expressing romantic love. After all, maintaining a connection with people that you will spend years with until your mission is done is essential, although he wouldn’t really lie to himself that he doesn’t even see it as a necessity anymore. But he digresses; Platonic is much, much different from romantic, especially something as intimate as this.

HiMERU doesn’t really know how to initiate his own affection, nor even how to react to receiving it. Somehow, Mayoi, who was more isolated than they all, with his whole spiel of not deserving anything that was given to him, receives love from them oh so adorably and sweetly. 

He felt sorry for Tatsumi and Mayoi. He felt so stiff, rigid when it came to opening up to them, opening his arms for them, like he was pushed to do this, not to hurt Mayoi and comfort Tatsumi, to not raise any conflicts. But he hopes that they know that his feelings come from something genuine, something that he didn’t even know was coming for him. 

Well, he was proven very wrong on his doubts.

♢ʚɞ♧

He doesn’t know when to let them in.

HiMERU woke up in a cold sweat, bolting up and sitting on his bed. He pants as he recovers from his dream, well, nightmare it was. He looks around, his two roommates still peacefully sleeping. He wipes off the sweat on his face, and his eyes fall on the window just across him. It was still late in the night. 

He could still feel his body trembling from the bad dream he had had. Kaname, his friends, his… boyfriends, all of them, leaving him. He would understand being upset with his brother leaving him, somehow, even if he was incapable of it right now, but there’s a possible future of it. However, just the sight of Rinne, Kohaku, and Niki slowly walking away, even if he ran after them, was disturbing to him, despite outwardly showing he only tolerates their presence. It shook him to the core, especially when Tatsumi and Mayoi looked at him with disappointment in their faces. 

He needed a walk.

He got out of bed and put on his sandals. Still in his sleepwear, he walked to the door and silently left his dorm room. He walked in the barely lit dorm hallway, mostly lit by the big windows on its walls. He could hear the hollow sounds of his slippers stepping on the floor and some other small sounds coming from somewhere. However, he was too preoccupied with the dream that he mindlessly walked and walked until he reached the back door of the dorm that led to the small courtyard they had. It was already autumn, so it was a cold night, but HiMERU couldn’t be bothered. He feels as if the coldness would wake him from the nightmare that was still lingering in his mind. 

He stepped outside, feeling the breeze caress his face, which made him shiver. It was fine, this walk would let him get his mind off things. He walked up to a bench, sitting on it, and his teeth slightly clenching from the coldness of the metal bars.

Is he punishing himself?

He sighs, he doesn’t know.

But what he does know is he isn’t alone right now.

“Ayase, it must be uncomfortable sitting between the leaves this late in the night.”

A small ‘hii…’ was heard among the bushes before some shuffling. He heard a few steps before he felt someone standing near him.

He looked at him, a small smile gracing his lips immediately as he looked at Mayoi, who was in his pajamas, but still in his braids; however, his fit was wrinkly, and his hair was a little bit of a mess. “Sit down, you have some leaves and twigs between your hair.”

Mayoi almost screeched as he searched for the leaves that HiMERU was talking about. Once he got it off, he hesitantly sat beside him, looking down as if he had been caught red-handed. 

“Why were you in the bushes, Ayase?” HiMERU gently asked, as if he were not also guilty of still being awake this late at night.

“I… I was worried for you.” Mayoi answered in a small voice. He started fidgeting with his hands. “I…I–...It might seem weird t-that I-I’m doing this… b-but I was c-checking on you and Tatsumi-san before I went to sleep. T-then I-i caught you shifting in the bed c-concerningly… S-so I watch you for a while b-before you suddenly wake up, sweating and panting… I said to myself, you must be having nightmares…. s-so I just… I just watched you more because I was so worried… S-sorry if I trespassed on you…! I… You can do anything to punish meee…!”

HiMERU was already familiar with Mayoi’s strange behavior. He did find it creepy at first when he heard of it; however, hearing of his overall strange attitude justifies some of his mysterious aura. If he were anyone else, he might have reported him already. However, he knows Mayoi never means ill with his actions, despite it being unusual and peculiar, and he was just looking out for him and Tatsumi. However, he was still concerned about why he had hidden himself in the bushes. 

“Did you follow him through the vents again, Ayase?” Mayoi gulped and nodded rapidly, “I… I don't want to disturb you… I only wish to watch you from afar and see if you're okay… I… I don't want to get in the way… A-although… you caught me…”

HiMERU smiled slightly at that, “Why would you get in ‘my’ way, Ayase?”

Mayoi blushed slightly at that as he trembled, “Well… I… I just… I know you're not… used to these things… I am either… So maybe my fiddling around your business will… not be good for you… I just want to make sure you are fine, HiMERU-san…”

The blue one’s heart melted at that. Well, Mayoi is right. He never really sees himself spending his nightmare with someone he is in love with. Most probably, he will just go to the bathroom and splash his face with cold water to get him of the lingering nightmare. 

Mayoi was already starting to tremble from the cold. HiMERU took it as a signal to finally get inside. “Shall we go in now? You seem to be getting uncomfortable, Ayase.”

“Well… are you okay now, HiMERU-san…?” 

HiMERU paused at that. Honestly, he was not yet moving on from that dream. Even part of his mind still isolates itself from the affection and adoration he was receiving from his new boyfriends; some part of it was already afraid of letting them go, of them leaving him. His mind was still in a whirlwind, even if Mayoi’s presence alleviated some of that.

However, Mayoi was now getting uncomfortable with the temperature, and his roommates must have noticed he was gone already.

“He is. He doesn't think that talking in the cold is the most brilliant idea ever in our clothes right now.”

He stood up and waited for Mayoi to follow suit. He walked side by side with him, unfortunately, too rigid to initiate any skin contact. They arrived back inside the dorm. Before he set off to the hallway where his room was, Mayoi held his wrist, stopping him from going away.

HiMERU turned at him, looking at Mayoi, who had his hands curled near his mouth, his eternal furrowed eyebrows gracing his features.

“HiMERU-san… I…” Mayoi started almost breathlessly. He stopped for a moment, as if he were rethinking his words. He breathes and looks at him, as if determined. “I know you're not okay yet… Whatever that dream was… I can feel you’re still affected by it… I… I can't stand leaving you to just sleep again… and I know you're already freaked out by my vile habits… so… uhm… if you will let me… I… would like to invite you to my room… my roommate is out tonight…”

Mayoi's face immediately flushed red as he quickly cleared up his words, “I–I–I don't mean anything inappropriateeee…! I…I was just thinking if you would like to sleep in my bed tonight, i-if a company could let you sleep more peacefully! My bed is big enough for both of us. I’ll take up as small of a space as possibleeee…! You can take every pillow I have…!”

HiMERU’s eyes widened at that. He almost short-circuited at the offer that was presented to him. One question popped up in his mind, “Why?”

“W-was it too much? I-i’m sorry I’m too invasive as a boyfriend…! You don’t need to say ‘yes’, I… I thought I could help, but clearly I can’t…” Mayoi was on the verge of tears, looking at HiMERU as if he were scared of him. 

He immediately cleared himself up, not liking looking at Mayoi’s teary face. “He—’I’ don’t mean to…. Ayase—” He held one of his shoulders with his hand, stopping Mayoi from spiraling, “‘I’....” He sighs, “‘I’ was just surprised, that’s all. After all, we have not been together for a year… only for a few months. ‘I’ know you’re not fond of people taking up your space, so would you even be comfortable of ‘me’ taking up your bed?”

Mayoi held his hand on his shoulder and looked at him, “It’s perfectly fine, HiMERU-san. I want to do this for you.”

HiMERU went speechless again. It was almost hilarious how he was still new to that word, even if Tatsumi and Mayoi had been doing their best to give their all to each other and him. It’s been months, yet he was still… unfamiliar with this.

Maybe sensing still his hesitation, Mayoi firmly held his hand and gently tugged him towards his room, not waiting for HiMERU to even answer his offer. His timid yet now stern boyfriend opened the door of his dorm room. It revealed an empty room, and both beds were clean and seemingly undisturbed. It was 

Mayoi pulled him onto the bed as he set it up to be extremely comfortable on what would be HiMERU’s side of the bed, leaving Mayoi a little bit short of comfort. Just one of his pillows and his black and white teddy bear, he always cuddles up at night. HiMERU felt guilty of his side being way comfier than Mayoi’s, but he had no time to question as Mayoi gently tugged him to lie on it. He tucked him in and smiled, “Is this okay, HiMERU-san?”

HiMERU looked at the left side of the bed and back at him, “Ayase, your side is extremely uncomfortable.” Mayoi only shakes his head, “I am used to this state. My… other room only has a mattress, a pillow, and a makeshift blanket… And… you need it the most, so you won't have any nightmares anymore.” 

Mayoi hesitantly runs his fingers through his hair and looks at him like a mother watching her child sleep. HiMERU was a little bit surprised by the sudden touch, but he felt warm being tucked into bed like this. There was a distant memory of his mother doing the same for him that faded quickly when Mayoi spoke, “Are you comfortable, HiMERU-san?” 

HiMERU was quite speechless for a while, not really processing what Mayoi was doing to him. He stammered, uncharacteristically of him, “Y-yes, Ayase. T-thank you. But you needn’t do this much.”

The timid phantom only smiled, “I wanted to, HiMERU-san. Besides, you look adorable in this position, fufu~”

HiMERU shivered at his giggle, eerie yet beautiful, especially this late in the night. He felt in danger, yet in the clouds at the same time. Mayoi smiled at him as he gave him a small forehead kiss and patted his hair, “Sleep now, HiMERU-san. I’ll watch over you and keep the nightmares away~” 

He lay down beside him, some inches away from him, facing him and keeping his promise. HiMERU was quite surprised that Mayoi would extend this kindness to him, giving him space big enough not to make him uncomfortable sleeping with him, but close enough to make him feel he has someone beside him. 

It felt so foreign and a bit extra, but Mayoi was his boyfriend, right? It was much weirder that Mayoi had to not get too close for their comfort, but there was nothing wrong with this. Yet, somewhere in HiMERU’s mind, he was trying to push it and go back to his room, where he would inevitably get uncomfortable and have his nightmares again. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his beating heart.

“You still can’t sleep, HiMERU-san…?” He almost forgot he was in Mayoi’s room, as he looks at him and sighs. “He’s sorry, Ayase. He’s not used to… sleeping with someone.”

“S-should we just… stop this, right now…?” Mayoi was starting to fidget and bite his lips. HiMERU sighs, “No… He—’I’ want to try… ‘I’ want to try and not… not be carried away by ‘my’... fears.”

“Fears…?” He shook his head, “Never mind that… Just getting used to it. ‘I’m’ sorry.”

Mayoi only gave him a patient smile, “Do you want me to sing a lullaby to you?”

HiMERU stopped at that, quite perplexed at himself needing a lullaby to get to sleep. But… what will be lost if he said yes?

He nodded with Mayoi, who immediately pulled an excited smile. “Please, relax, HiMERU-san~” He started humming a melodic and calming tune, with HiMERU setting himself in a comfortable position. 

As he started singing, HiMERU slowly felt his eyes were heavy. He felt Mayoi in every one of his senses, the soft melodic tone of his voice calming his mind and heart. Minutes later, he didn’t realize he had already fallen asleep, his eyes were already shut, and his breathing was much calmer.

Mayoi smiled at the sight as he gave him another forehead kiss, “Good night, HiMERU-san…”

♢ʚɞ♧

But he knows how much they could do.

HiMERU was in a rush early in the morning. Arashi was still in her morning skin care routine, Tetora was still deep asleep, but he was already going through his morning as if someone was chasing him. Arashi watched him as he suddenly stopped in his tracks, looking at his phone.

Tatsumi: Good morning, HiMERU-san. How are you? Are you still in your dorm room? If you could, I would like you to join me here in the dormitory kitchen. I have prepared breakfast for us. Unfortunately, Mayoi-san couldn’t join us today; he had an earlier appointment. I love you.

HiMERU read the message, lowering his bag before typing away. Tatsumi must have cooked for a few people since he had never seen him cooking for himself. His type of cooking was quite communal, which is probably what he learnt from church. He was already going to refuse for now, as he was running late. However, Tatsumi followed up with another message, surprisingly fast, or that he was already typing it after he sent his previous one, for a long while now.

Tatsumi: Even if you won’t be able to, can you still please come by the kitchen? Thank you.

HiMERU sighs, he knows Tatsumi wouldn’t relent one way or another. He deleted his previous message and promptly sent a response.

HiMERU: He will be there soon. 

He pocketed his phone before getting his bag, waving goodbye to Arashi, who was still in the middle of her routine. He went to the dormitory kitchen, where he saw Tatsumi was busy filling up a bento box with small pieces of meat, as if he was placing it carefully like art.

Picking up on his footsteps from far away, he looked up from the bento, and his eyes seemingly lit up as he saw HiMERU, his smile turning upwards to his eyes. “Good morning, HiMERU-san!” He said, wiping his hands on the apron he was wearing before giving him a short, tight hug, lingering for a few seconds and releasing quite hesitantly.

HiMERU looked at the kitchen island with a plate of breakfast, and the other was already empty.  The plate was filled with a portion of rice with an egg over it and pickled vegetables, and sausage on the side. He was also able to see the bento box that he was preparing, and was surprised to see two of them. Tatsumi followed his eyes as he chuckled, “Well, I already knew you won’t be able to join me for breakfast today, but I had to seize my chance.” He seemed sad about that, but immediately perked up when he presented the two bento boxes he prepared. “I decided to just pack up your breakfast and already had your lunch as well.” 

The blue one in front of him was utterly speechless, not knowing what to really say or do. He hadn’t foreseen that Tatsumi would make him a go-to food. Tatsumi chuckled, “Yes, these are yours, HiMERU-san. I have known you are not eating that well when you are busy, so I decided to pack you something today, since I am free enough to do so.” He started packing up the bentos, closing them with their lids and stacking them atop each other. “What drinks do you want? There’s still some instant coffee in the fridge, but I would advise against drinking coffee for lunch. Perhaps some pineapple juice?”

Tatsumi moved to get some bottled coffee and a can of pineapple juice, with HiMERU still not processing the kindness in front of him. “No need, HiMERU could manage on his own.” He mindlessly responded, not even for Tatsumi’s question.

This stopped the mint-haired man, looking at him as he shut the fridge’s door. He only smiled at him as he set down the two beverages and looked at him, “I know, HiMERU-san. I just wanted to give you something for today.”

Tatsumi walked to him, inches closer than before, but not so intimately that people would be suspicious if they walked in the kitchen. This was a public space after all for idols. “I am not calculating things, but if you are still quite surprised, I deliberately went and bought groceries to prepare the bentos.” He smiled patiently, “I will not let you refuse it either, HiMERU-san.”

HiMERU looks at him and sighs, “He’s sorry, he was just… shocked, that’s all.” Tatsumi’s smile became sadder, if that could be a thing, “I’m sorry to hear that, HiMERU-san. But, I suppose you need to be a little bit used to these kinds of things. Unless you really don’t like it? That’s fine too.”

“No.. no… It’s not ‘I’ don’t like it.” He gulped, “It’s just surprising.” 

Well, he really shouldn’t be. Tatsumi was now his boyfriend, whether his past self would like it or not. However, it was somehow surprising that he would go beyond just simple interactions and put effort into their relationship. That sounded cold in HiMERU’s mind, but he doesn’t even know what to expect. He knows that he’s just with them, he loves them, and they love him back.

Somehow, that feeling is still foreign, yet familiar.

“But, he stands by that, you didn’t need to do this. He still has time today to stop by and eat, as much as he is busy.” Tatsumi held his hand and squeezed it, taking HiMERU up for a surprise, “And as I said, HiMERU-san, I wanted to do it. I had an idea yesterday after seeing a cute bento box that Aira-san posted, and I wanted to recreate it. It’s been a while since I cooked for someone, so please, don’t worry about possibly bothering me.”

Tatsumi gave him a small peck on the cheek, looking at HiMERU’s reaction to see if he was fine with that. HiMERU only blushed slightly, a little lighter from everything. He murmured, “Thank you.” 

His boyfriend’s purple eyes lit up by that, hugging HiMERU further, almost as if their secretive actions earlier were just for show. “You’re welcome the most, HiMERU-san!” Said person grunted, pushing him slightly away in panic, “Tatsumi, we’re still in the kitchen!” He said in a quiet, shouty voice.

Tatsumi chuckled before releasing him, giving him another kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry, HiMERU-san. I got a bit carried away.” He smiled at him, a smile that said he was not sorry at all.

HiMERU could only sigh as Tatsumi gave him a small bag where he packed the bento boxes and his drinks. “Here you go, HiMERU-san!” His smile was so big that his eyes were closed, a sight that melts HiMERU’s heart a little bit. “Thank you again, he will be going now.”

“Shall I accompany you on your way out?” HiMERU raised his eyebrows at that, “You don’t need to—”

“I insist, HiMERU-san.” Tatsumi smiled as they started walking out of the dormitory, with him secretly holding his hand. HiMERU was getting quite miffed at Tatstumi’s assertive attitude, looking around to see if other idols had noticed them. In his insistence to see if they were noticed, he didn’t realize that Tatsumi opened the door for him. He was speechless and quite annoyed at the princely smile that Tatsumi gave him as he walked out. 

As they arrived at the gates, Tatsumi smiled at HiMERU and gave him another kiss, but now on the lips, a small peck. “Good luck with your work, HiMERU-san!”

HiMERU sighed. He was shocked by Tatsumi’s behavior and still quite… unusual about it, but in a way, he was thankful for it. “Thank you again, Tatsumi. He’ll be off.”

As he walked away, Tatsumi shouted, “I love you!” in the middle of the street, which made HiMERU flinch as he sighed and walked away.

When he was finally able to sit down and eat, he took his lunch bento and opened it. A ball of rice greeted him with a smile made of sesame seeds tucked in a bed of lettuce. On the side, there was a rose made of what seemed to be ham, decorated with cherry tomatoes and some leafy vegetables as leaves. To make it a bit colorful, there were scrambled eggs on the side to which HiMERU assumed what supposed to be dandelions. There was stir-fry on the side as well to make the bento healthier, which was cut and shaped into flowers and hearts, and for dessert, there was a small cheesecake on the side that HiMERU knew was bought in one of the sweets shops in ES commercial streets. 

HiMERU felt so overwhelmed with the amount of love that was put into a simple bento box. It was almost a pity that he needed to eat this. He couldn’t move for a moment, his mind battling with such an unapologetic act of love shown by Tatsumi.

It was almost as if being hated was easier to deal with than being loved. His mind couldn’t process such a thing even if he took a bite. In a way, he asked himself, why did he deserve such a thing?

Maybe he should just enjoy his lunch.

♢ʚɞ♧

Or what lengths they would go to for him.

“Have a great night, everyone!” 

HiMERU ended the Crazy:B’s live as their emcee of the day. The lights turned off as they made their way off the stage, being bid farewell with the uproar of the fans waving their yellow lightsticks and merch at them. 

As they went backstage and to their holding room, Rinne immediately slumped on the couch, his legs wide open, manspreading like no tomorrow as he takes up approximately a fourth of the couch. Niki sat next to him, slumped as well, but taking much less space than their leader. Kohaku decided to sit on the one-person couch instead, not opting to deal with any of the redhead’s harassment in the aftermath of an exhausting 2-hour solo live from them. HiMERU wisely sat on one of the chairs of the makeup booth, his posture still composed, but his limbs slackened as he swivels the chair towards them. 

Rinne chugged a whole bottle of water beside him, setting it aside while wiping the water that inevitably spilled out of his mouth with his careless drinking. “Woooo!” He shouted to release more of his energy while his other unitmates decided on their own cooldown. “That was fun as hell!”

“Probably one of the most coordinated lives we've ever had.” HiMERU commented in which Kohaku snickered, “Tha’s not sayin’ alot, HiMERU-han.” 

“What he means is that somehow we had a lot more coordination. Minimal bumping, apart from the intentional one from Amagis just to provoke me.” HiMERU glared at Rinne, whose hyena laugh echoed in the room.  “What’s a live without the excitement? It’s a part of us now!”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t improve, Rinne.” Niki crossed his arms as he sneered at him playfully. Rinne pulled him into his arms, which earned a protest from the chef, laughing at him. “Niki-kyun is improvin’ though~! The fans roared at your little playboy spiel earlier in SUMMER NIGHT BEEat! Although next time, say to me that you will say such things, won’t you~? You’re goin’ to give me a heart attack in the middle of the stage!”

Kohaku only shook his head, but a fond smile that stifled his laughter at their banter was decorating his face. HiMERU also stifled his laughter, catching up on what Rinne meant with those words. They should get a room, though.

A series of knocks pulled them away from the conversation they were having before the door opened, revealing the lady Producer. She was smiling with that twinkle in her green eyes with satisfaction. “I hope I’m not disturbing you, Crazy:B. Congratulations on your marathon live! Everyone loved it.”

“Onee-san~! A goddess has appeared!” Anzu only chuckled at Rinne’s antics, “How are you guys? I’m just checking on you. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything now.”

 “Just exhausted, nee-san! Thank you for hooking us up with this opportunity!” Anzu waved her hand in front of her, “Please don’t mention it. It’s my job.”

“Of course, producer-san, we still need to thank you for lending some time tending to making this live possible.” HiMERU smiled at him, “You’re one busy producer, after all.”

They all nodded in agreement, in which Anzu smiled and thanked them. “Say, nee-san! Do you want to join us at our after-party? Just a dinner in Cinnamon Cafe! All in the house!” Niki was excitable around Anzu, seemingly, which the producer only shook her head with a thankful smile. “I appreciate the gesture, Niki-kun. However, I still have some things to accomplish by tonight. Have fun though!”

She then turned to HiMERU before shutting the door, “Oh, before I leave, HiMERU-san, Tatsumi-san, and Mayoi-kun are finding you, they are in Holding Room number… 3! I think they want to congratulate you as well.”

HiMERU was quite surprised by that, which only made Rinne laugh almost mockingly, with a teasing smile from both Niki and Kohaku. “Anyways, I’ll be going now. Good luck with you three!” Anzu smiled at them; however, her smile was more of a knowing one when he smiled at HiMERU. She left and shut the door promptly as they bid farewell to her.

“Aww~! Being visited by your boyfriends~? How cute!” HiMERU glared at him before rolling his eyes. “I bet they have some food and treats in tow for you~! Kyahahaha~! How thoughtful! Hey, Niki! Where’s mine!?”

“I’m your unitmate, idiot! An’ hey! Why am I the one burdened by that!? I also need some of it from you!” 

“But you’re the one who cooks!”

“Whatever.”

Kohaku smiled at HiMERU, albeit more teasingly than normally. “Well, go on, HiMERU-han, they might be waitin’ fer ya. Ya don’ want ‘em waitin’, do ya?”

HiMERU rolls his eyes, “And he thought you would be his ally, Oukawa.”

“Well, wha’s a post-live without ta’ fun?”

“He probably also wants his boyfriends to get him some after-live treats~! You two swept away ALKALOID, aren’t ya, loverboys~?” Kohaku glared at him, but Rinne only laughed again. He was having too much fun teasing the two. “As I said! Love-han and Hiiro-han, they’re not ma’ boyfriends! They’re together!”

“Yeah, sure, say that to me when Merumeru here has two. You’re already callin’ Aira-chan ‘love’~! You just need to mean that genuinely~ Stop bein’ a coward, little Sakura~ And you also have my blessing for my lil’ bro~! Kyahahaha~!”

Kohaku’s eyes looked dark as he glared at him, “I’m goin’ ta strangle ya if ya say tha’ one more time!”

Niki only sighed, finally getting off the sofa, not giving Rinne the chance to make him a human shield. “Let’s change now. HiMERU-kun here still has a date with his boyfriends.” HiMERU groaned, thinking he had the chance to finally refrain from talking about that. “Although, are ya still goin’ to the dinner later?”

“He thinks they could understand going to it. Although, just prepare that he will not be able to… due to their insistence.” Niki only smirked at that, “Ya should learn to say ‘no’ sometimes, HiMERU-kun!”

HiMERU sighed and got up to take a shower and bathe. He wouldn’t want to see his boyfriends in his sweaty post-live state, of course. He grabbed his bag and headed towards the shower with the others to finally change from their sweaty uniforms. 

After changing into his casual clothes. He bid farewell to them as he left, wandering around the hallways before finding Mayoi and Tatsumi chatting away in one of the holding rooms that Anzu left for them.

Tatsumi first turned to him, which is understandable due to his impeccable hearing. Mayoi followed him, which prompted them to greet him as he walked up to them. 

“Good afternoon, HiMERU-san!” Tatsumi greeted him quite energetically. Mayoi smiled as he waved his hand quite shyly, “Good afternoon, HiMERU-san…!”

HiMERU stopped in front of them, looking around. “Did you two attend the live?”

Tatsumi chuckled as Mayoi got something in his tote bag, and now in his hands were two Crazy:B lightsticks and a HiMERU fan in his other hand. “We enjoyed it, HiMERU-san. We’re glad that we don’t have anything to do today. Although I have a hunch there’s a reason why Aira-san requested not to do anything today…” 

Mayoi and Tatsumi chuckled at that, realizing why HiMERU smiled and hoped his junior in Crazy:B was also up for a surprise. 

“You’re so amazing up the stage, HiMERU-saa~n! Your movements and your voice, it’s so captivatinggg~!” Mayoi excitedly gushed to HiMERU, squeezing the fan merch on his hands. The blue idol smiled at the adorable sight, one that he often just sees when Mayoi gushes about cute things. He went into a tangent about how HiMERU’s moves were flowing yet precise and snappy, with a few improvements regarding stiffness on some points. 

As Mayoi went on his long talks, Tatsumi secretly got something from their bags and smiled while waiting for his boyfriend to finish. As Mayoi trails off, Tatsumi turned to HiMERU with a smile, “Well, with those, we figured out that you might have been exhausted singing and dancing for 2 hours straight.”

HiMERU looked at the paper bag with a cute ribbon adorning it. He accepted it from Tatsumi’s arms, slightly confused. Tatsumi chuckles, “Just some treats for you after the live.” 

He opened it, and there were a lot of boxes of treats inside and a drink to boot. All of them have the same logo and name, in the sweets shop that HiMERU liked when the Sweets Fan Club visited it. He grabbed some of it and looked at the sweets inside. There were truffles, slices of cake, and some donut holes among them. The drink was also from the same shop, a mint chocolate coffee. It is not ideal for his vocal cords, but none of this is actually ideal for a worker whose capital is in their voice, aside from their body and face.

“And.. this also, HiMERU-san…” Mayoi’s small voice got his attention as his eyes widened at what he was holding. A bouquet of flowers in his hand, adorned with so many colors and wrapped in his own color. It was tied with two ribbons, one purple and one green. 

HiMERU froze in his place, unable to absorb that there was a bouquet of flowers in front of him. Tatsumi and Mayoi were patiently waiting for his reactions, a smile adorning Tatsumi’s face, while the ever-increasing worried eyes were in Mayoi’s.

He gulped as he set aside the sweets bag and accepted it from Mayoi’s hands. His golden eyes stared at it, even in his arms, it felt unreal. He understood the bag of sweets, after all, it was a treat for him after an arduous preparation and performing the live show. But… flowers? Isn’t this just dedicated to Valentine’s Day? Or even birthdays, he certainly has received flowers before on his birthday.

“I tried my hand at flower arrangement. I’m certainly not a professional, but the people in Gardenia taught me a thing or two.” Tatsumi nervously chuckled. HiMERU could feel his eyes widen, it was also made by them?

He couldn’t really grasp such a gift for himself. In a way, he could feel that pesky ‘butterflies in your stomach’ feeling, as he gulps down the heat that he could feel in his cheeks. He must have been looking funny, as both Tatsumi and Mayoi giggled at his sight. 

HiMERU decided to take a deep breath and look at them, “‘I’... Thank you… ‘I’ certainly did not expect all of this. However…” He bites his lips, “It might be too much, for a post-live gift, don’t you agree?”

“Not at all, HiMERU-san.” Tatsumi chuckled and patted his shoulder, “We have seen staff gifted their other co-workers such things. What more when the relationship is much more intimate?” 

“And we wanted to give it to you. HiMERU-san, you have been fretting about the live for a week now, and we want to celebrate it with you.” Mayoi gave him a (sharp) toothy smile, his hands clasped together.

HiMERU sighs internally, he never really gets used to such treatment from Mayoi and Tatsumi. Although he was already starting to positively look at it, just… not how to react to it. He just smiled at them, “Thank you again. ‘I’ wish ‘I’ could do more than just thank you. ‘I’ was just… honestly swept away by this.”

Both of his boyfriends chuckled, which made HiMERU a little bit embarrassed about his predicament. “Don’t worry, HiMERU-san~ That’s enough and your smile. Fufu~” Mayoi giggles as he gets his phone in his pocket. “Would it be okay to capture it right now?”

HiMERU was quite shocked before chuckling, smiling as he held the bouquet close to him, as Mayoi took a picture. After a few clicks, Mayoi was satisfied with them and clapped silently again. Tatsumi gently grabbed his phone and clicked the front camera, held it up high, and pointed it at them. Mayoi barely reacted before they took a picture, although it went well, as all three had beautiful smiles.

HiMERU would know, as it would be his wallpaper later on.

Needless to say, HiMERU went to the dinner later on with the sweets and flowers in tow, of course, welcomed by the teasing of the rest of his unitmates.

♢ʚɞ♧

He feels as if things were too much.

“And HiMERU here, the secret hidden in your heart. Good night, everyone!”

HiMERU finally concluded his radio interview job and the final work of the day. He shook hands with the radio host and the staff, who were thanking him for such an opportunity to have him as their guest. Ah, he was making a name with HiMERU, after all, or better worded, he was getting the persona HiMERU out there, shining as a former idol with a new bloom.

After some debriefing, he waved goodbye to the staff and made his way to finally go home. As he walked to the entrance, he realized the sky was dimming and a lot of people were under their umbrellas. He checked his belongings, swearing under his breath as he realized he had forgotten to take his umbrella today or check the weather forecast. 

He waited under the shade of a roof at the entrance of the company building, thinking of a way to get home without an umbrella. He could just run to the nearest taxi stop, which is not too far away, but the rain is turning into almost a storm every passing minute. He will be drenched when he gets to one. He knew that all of the transportation would be full today, as it is rush hour and raining. 

Well, he just needs to believe.

He started running in the streets like a madman, his bag over his head as he headed over to the taxi stop. He could feel his clothes getting heavy from being soaked with rain. He might get sick tomorrow, but he’ll just pop a pill for it. 

A distant voice called out for him; however, he was too busy running to the taxi stop to get home. Suddenly, a hand pulled him backwards firmly, and a shade was promptly given to him. As he turned around, he saw Mayoi with a worried face.

“HiMERU-san, are you running in the rain? You will get cold!” His eyebrows are furrowed with concern as they share his umbrella. HiMERU is now indeed soaked from head to toe, as the rain was also windy, so the raindrops are just slapping on his face. 

“He has forgotten his umbrella; he was just going to run to the taxi stop to get home. He’s near anyway—” He was immediately cut short by a pout from Mayoi, who rummaged from his bag and got his practice jacket to wrap it around him. “You’ll get sick tomorrow.”

HiMERU gulped. He had thought of that, but as he said, he would just pop a pill for it. 

“He will not let that happen, or worse, for that matter.” Mayoi seems not convinced by that as he sighs. “Please don’t do this again.” He said in a small, almost trembling voice that pierced HiMERU’s heart.

He sighs, “He will not anymore, he’s sorry, Ayase.”

Mayoi sighs as he looks at his phone before looking at HiMERU, “Tatsumi-san should be near now, are you getting wet? Sorry, this umbrella doesn’t really cover us both…”

HiMERU looked at Mayoi, as if surprised. “Tatsumi?”

“He decided to pick me up today. He wanted to drive after a while… Although, I… don’t really approve of that. He was practically begging, so… maybe I could stomach it this time.  Haven’t you seen his messages?” 

This prompted HiMERU to pull out his phone after some long hours. Indeed, their group chat has been Mayoi and Tatsumi going back and forth about Tatsumi’s driving and the possibilities of Mayoi’s fate with Tatsumi behind the wheel. The purple one managed to make Tatsumi promise to drive more carefully due to the rain, which at least made him feel a little relieved. It was quite a funny conversation, making him slightly giggle. However, he understood Mayoi’s plight, as he had already experienced being Tatsumi’s passenger. It was not the most pleasant experience; however, he could see Tatsumi was actually good at driving, he just needed to control his excitement when he touched the steering wheel.

“He supposed that he should have checked his messages. He was caught up in the job.” Mayoi only smiled at him, “You did well, HiMERU-san.”

HiMERU automatically smiled at that, appreciating every time Mayoi and Tatsumi say he is doing a good job whenever he does something, especially in his work. He doesn’t know why, but it felt warm, almost domestic, even. 

Minutes later, the rain still pouring heavily, a car that HiMERU knows is one of the cars that ES lets the idols borrow. He doesn’t know how Tatsumi justifies it to the admin, but now he is in a car, on a slippery road.

He is glad that Tatsumi is in a relationship with Mayoi.

They walked up to the car with Mayoi opening the door for HiMERU. As soon as he got in, Tatsumi got the sight of a drenched HiMERU, his hair was dripping with how soaked it was, which made him slightly chuckle, but also concerned why he was drenched.

“HiMERU-san, why are you soaked?” Tatsumi’s eyebrows furrowed in concern as he turned to him.

“He ran in the rain…” Mayoi decided to speak for him, following HiMERU to take a seat in the backseat with him. 

As if Tatsumi’s concern was a lie, he just shook his head and chuckled, shifting the gears and stepping on the gas as he started driving. “HiMERU-san, you are more rational than that.”

“It sounded rational in HiMERU’s head.” HiMERU rolled his eyes as he took off his violet top, leaving him with his black t-shirt that clung to his body. Mayoi only sighed as he took out his practice towel, motioning for HiMERU to turn his back to him as he rubbed the towel on his hair, drying it. HiMERU silently just let Mayoi do it, as his boyfriend looked like he was tired of the two’s antics, which was a big thing for two men commonly known for their intelligence.

“You can take off your shirt, I can lend you my sweater.” Tatsumi promptly stopped at the traffic light before taking off the white jacket over his blue polo and handing it to HiMERU, who was being dried by Mayoi like a wet puppy.

“Why do you even wear those layers in summer, Tatsumi?” HiMERU commented as he accepts it, which earned a laugh from Tatsumi, “You’re the one to say, HiMERU-san?”

“We’re all wearing long sleeves here.” Mayoi only sighed as he moved away to let HiMERU remove his t-shirt. A pink tint bloomed as he looked at HiMERU’s figure, but he shook it away as he gave the towel to HiMERU to at least dry his torso a little bit before wearing Tatsumi’s jacket. He could see HiMERU smirk at him, but Mayoi is too seriously concerned with his stupidity earlier to even stutter in front of him. “Getting soaked in the rain like a homeless puppy is not hot, HiMERU-san.”

Tatsumi, bless Tatsumi, tried to stifle his laughter but immediately failed and harked a laugh that was almost unbefitting of someone known for their princely aura as an idol. His hand flew to his mouth, and he chuckled for quite a while, his hands trembling on the wheel. HiMERU’s face went red with embarrassment, leading him to turn his back again on Mayoi and let him continue drying his hair. 

This sight made Mayoi smile at least, as he rubbed and ruffled his hair with gentleness that almost made HiMERU sleep.

Maybe he did, as he just woke up with Mayoi shaking him, and they have arrived in the dorm. Tatsumi opened the door for him, an umbrella in his hand, while Mayoi followed them with their stuff in tow. HiMERU wished for any gods above that he would not pass by anyone capable of making fun of his pathetic situation. He was glad, as seemingly all the idols were out or in their room, as there were almost no idols about in the hallways. 

They arrived in HiMERU’s dorm, where Arashi and Tetora are seemingly out for their work, which HiMERU is also thankful for. Mayoi and Arashi were the best of friends, and he knew that the lady he lived with in the dorm would not back down in teasing him, along with Mayoi. He doesn’t know what to regret, that he was dormmates with her or she was one of Mayoi’s closest friends outside ALKALOID. That backfired on him multiple times, like Mayoi had a vigilant camera in his room. 

Mayoi settled their stuff first on the couch, barring HiMERU’s stuff that he had already given to them. “Take a bath, HiMERU-san, so you won’t get sick.” He spoke with such gentleness that it made him regret worrying Mayoi. He always worries for the two and somehow, he feels guilty in sometime being this immature or at least, dumb. 

So, he does what he advised him, going to the bathroom to take a bath to get off the rainwater with tap water, he guesses. Midway through the bath, he realized he had forgotten to get some clothes to get into after the bath. Oh well, Mayoi and Tatsumi have seen things already. He doesn’t feel bothered by it now. Although it was quite… a realization that he was comfortable being this vulnerable, physically, with other people. Well, Crazy:B had already changed with each other sometimes, but of course, in a way, this had some intimacy laced with it.

He could feel his face heating up, but it might be the warm shower he was having.

After quite a while, which is not long, he was used to taking fast showers, he wrapped a towel around his lower body and exited the bath. He returned to the room, finding some folded new clothes on the bed and Mayoi hanging the wet article of clothing he had with him that wasn’t in HiMERU’s body before the bath. 

Mayoi turned to him as he heard the door of the bathroom opening, greeting him with a smile as he gestured at the clothes. “I prepared some clothes for you to wear. Tatsumi-san just went to the kitchen to make us some hot chocolate.” 

HiMERU’s cheeks went slightly red as he realized Mayoi had prepared clothes for him. He thinks this was too much, as if he were already relying on them too much, like they were his parents.

 “You didn’t have to, Ayase.” He walked up to the bed and looked at the clothes before looking back at him. Mayoi only smiled as he hung the clothes in the window, where the curtain rod is the only thing resembling a clothes line in this room. “Don’t worry, I just wanted to.” 

HiMERU sighed as he decided not to debate with him anymore, and he changed to a new set of clothes. Although he still feels that it was a bit too much. Or he was just not used to being taken care of like this.

He decided to race Mayoi to hang his other clothes, barring his underwear that somehow survived in the rain, tossing it already in his laundry basket. He doesn’t want to exploit Mayoi’s helpful spirit anymore.

As he came back into the room, Mayoi was setting up a hairdryer, which was Arashi’s property, as he discerned it. His boyfriend motioned for him to come closer to take a seat on the couch. HiMERU was quite perplexed, as he shook his head, “He can dry his hair, Ayase.”

Mayoi only smiled at him, “I know, HiMERU-san. However, take a seat, please?” His voice is laced with the tone that he uses to get his way with the two. The oldest of them relented, sitting on the spot where Mayoi is standing behind.

His boyfriend hummed approvingly as he turned on the hair dryer to further dry his hair, especially the part near the scalp that he wasn’t able to dry properly. The buzz of the hair dryer and Mayoi’s calloused yet gentle hands are relaxing him, especially against the sound of rain outside. 

“Isn’t that Narukami’s hair dryer?” HiMERU asked in the silence between them. Mayoi just chuckled, “Don’t worry, I asked permission, HiMERU-san.”

Silence fell between them again as Mayoi diligently dried HiMERU’s hair. After a while, the sound of the doorknob clicking pulled them into the shared silence, almost like in a trance, as they looked at the door.

Tatsumi arrived with the hot chocolate, along with three bowls of warm noodles. He closed the door with his feet, which made HiMERU wonder how he even opened the door in the first place. 

The mint-haired idol smiled at them as he walked up to the small living room and put down their small treat. “I managed to cook something, it seems Niki’s kitchen took a hand in making different broths, and gave them to the communal fridge. So I made soba noodles with the dashi stock they made.” 

The bowls indeed have soba noodles swimming in warm broth, with some nori sprinkled and a runny soft-boiled egg on top. It was the most appetizing thing in such cold weather. 

Mayoi turned off the hairdryer after running the last few laps in HiMERU’s hair, giving it its last run through with a brush. He ruffled it slightly to give the style HiMERU has with his hair before moving to putting the hairdryer back on Arashi’s desk and HiMERU’s brush in his. 

He joined them promptly, with on the coffee table a bowl of warm soup and noodles, and hot chocolate along with it. They started eating after waiting for Tatsumi’s small prayer, digging in with the small meal. 

HiMERU nodded approvingly, noting how he tastes Niki’s cooking with the broth. It warmed his stomach, and the soba noodles were springy and quite chewy. The egg also made it more complete. He doesn’t drink much hot chocolate, but the sweetness cuts back the savory taste that permeates his mouth. It was rich and decadent, making him feel comfy.

“How was it?” Tatsumi took a sip of his own drink. Mayoi wiped his mouth. “That was such a good meal on this rainy day.” His eyes sparkled at the hot chocolate, enjoying it clearly.

“How about you, HiMERU-san?” His other boyfriend turned to him, with expectation in his eyes. HiMERU smiled and sighed in relief, “It was great. Just the right meal after… being soaked in the rain.”

Tatsumi chuckles, “If you are stranded in the rain, please don’t hesitate to tell us. You will come home much more drenched if Mayoi-san didn’t find you.” He giggled again before taking another sip of his warm drink.

“You don’t have to be bothered with ‘my’ own stupidity. After all, ‘I’ could handle ‘myself’.” HiMERU, in an almost knee-jerk reaction, responded to him.

“We know, HiMERU-san.” Tatsumi was still in his gentle demeanor, with that calm, patient smile. The same with Mayoi earlier, “We just wanted to, and of course, we will be worried when you get sick from this. We would be heartbroken if we didn’t do anything.”

He doesn’t know how to answer that, but he knows inside him, something was clawing out to finally get out of his mouth.

♢ʚɞ♧

Or even he’s with them, out of the blue.

HiMERU sighs and settles his laptop on the bed, his mouth heaving a yawn that he kept stifling. He needed some coffee right now. He was doing so much these past few days that the 5-hour sleep that he gets every night was not enough. His body was screaming for him to take a break, but he persisted. He still needs to accomplish some paperwork that Rinne just refused to address right now. If no one will do it, he will. 

He rubs his eyes as he goes out of his dorm to brew some coffee in the kitchen. As he steps out of his room, so does one of his boyfriends, Tatsumi, just a few doors away from him. 

As he turned to him, Tatsumi’s face lit up, but immediately contorted with concern when he saw HiMERU’s posture almost drooping, like something heavy was weighing him down. It was unlike him, as he was carrying himself with such confidence every time.

He walked towards him, with HiMERU slightly cursing inwardly that he had to encounter one of his boyfriends at times like this. He knows the question that will be asked next—

“What happened to you, HiMERU-san…? You look… tired.” Tatsumi’s eyebrows were furrowed with concern. HiMERU sighs, he knew this was coming. What explanation will he throw at him?

“Don’t worry, he just needs some coffee.” Was all he answered, which obviously didn’t impress Tatsumi.

“You don’t need coffee, you need a break,” Tatsumi said with such finality that he feels like he couldn’t get away from his grasp. He held his hand and entered HiMERU’s room, pulling him inside, stopping him from getting his caffeine in the middle of the afternoon. 

They settled on the couch, with Tatsumi pulling him beside him. There, he had the chance to take a good look at HiMERU up close. He looks more concerned this time. “Are you sleeping right, HiMERU-san?”

Another question. In a way, he sees them as traps to get him talking. He knows his boyfriends were persistent when questioning him, especially regarding his well-being. Mayoi was more persistent, but Tatsumi was much more assertive in his words.

“He is not, he doesn’t have a choice,” HiMERU said plainly, hoping that he could just get back to his work. 

“That’s not a good reason.” Tatsumi’s lips frowned, looking around the dorm room. “Just… sit here, take a break? You look like you’re going to fall anytime.” He said before pulling out his phone.

“He doesn’t have time for such things. He is doing the paperwork that Amagi is not working on.” HiMERU was almost annoyed, being pulled out of his work mode to take a break. It was tempting, but he had to. The producer needed it tonight.

Tatsumi turned to him, stopping from typing on his phone. “Rinne-san is burdening you with his workload?” He was annoyed, which was not surprising. One thing he agreed with Tatsumi is their shared annoyance with Rinne’s attitude. However, Tatsumi’s furrowed eyebrows of concern being upset was more than enough to make him say something.

“He doesn’t mind this time, it’s for the unit.” Tatsumi sighs, buying himself some time to finish typing and sending the message he was writing earlier. “That’s more worrying. No one could burden themselves this time?”

HiMERU couldn’t tell him that this was just a self-made suffering, taking up responsibilities that the unit could share. Silence fell between the two of them before there was an almost quiet knock on the door, and it opened.

“HiMERU-san…?” A shy voice came out as he turned, finding Mayoi on his doorstep. That’s why Tatsumi was texting someone, of course, it will be Mayoi.

“Come in.” He then turned to Tatsumi, “You had to call reinforcements, don’t you?”

“You can be stubborn when it comes to it.” Tatsumi just said plainly, before turning to Mayoi, who had no clue what was happening, since all Tatsumi said to him was to “Come in HiMERU-san’s room.”

“He is refusing to take a break from work.” He turned again to HiMERU to emphasize his next words, “When he clearly needs it.”

“He also needs to finish the work he is doing. It’s due tonight.” HiMERU sighs, now with Mayoi in tow, he knows it will not be long until he falls from their insistence.

“What work is that, HiMERU-san?” Mayoi almost politely asked, concern written in his face as well as he sits beside him, opposite Tatsumi.

“Paperworks concerning Crazy:B…” The blue idol sighs.

“Can’t anyone else do that? It concerns the whole unit, after all.” The same suggestion fell from Mayoi’s lips. In a way, it was logical. Others could do it instead of him. He was just fighting them just to preserve some of his dignity, taking up work that he couldn’t even handle.

“He is assigned to—” His reasoning was immediately shot down when Mayoi suddenly rang up Niki. Mayoi looked at him, obviously putting the call on loudspeaker for his stubborn boyfriend to hear.

“Hiiii Mayo-chan~!” An energetic voice can be heard on the phone after a few rings. “Strange to getcha to call me! What’s up?”

Before Mayoi could even answer the idol-chef, they could hear Niki’s teasing smirk on the other end of the line. “Somethin’ ‘bout HiMERU-kun~?” 

Mayoi looked at HiMERU as if saying, even he knows, before turning to answer Niki on the phone. “Unfortunately… yes.”

A laugh was heard on the phone, almost making HiMERU embarrassed. He hid his face with one hand and gritted his teeth. “‘m kinda sorry ya got that guy, but what’s the problem this time?”

HiMERU glared at the phone as he feigned offense with Niki’s words and some questioning glances at the phantom after the implications of the phrase “this time.” Is he talking about HiMERU with Niki?

“He is rejecting our suggestion of a break because he needs to accomplish paperwork of your unit… Is it his responsibility?” Mayoi politely chose his words, sensing HiMERU was getting affected by this greatly.

“Well, in a way, it is! But that’s Rinne’s work right now!” Niki was almost shocked at the revelation, as they heard footsteps in the background. “Get some rest, HiMERU-kun. ‘m gonna get Rinne to get some work done. That freeloader!” He lets out an exasperated sigh, seemingly on his way to get Rinne to work.

“And don’cha say ‘no’ HiMERU-kun! I have records of ya bein’ a headache to Mayo-chan! I might give you some talkin’ too.” Niki warned, almost playfully, but there was a serious undertone that Niki knew that Mayoi was almost being a parent to his boyfriends due to their personalities and attitudes: aka being too selfless for their own good.

Mayoi only smiled as he bid farewell to Niki, “Thank you, Shiina-san. Good luck.” 

“Thanks for the luck, Mayo-chan. I will really need that!” Seconds later, they could hear a door opening and a shout, “Rinne!”

The purple idol only chuckled as he put down the call himself for Niki to deal with Rinne. Then he turned to HiMERU, who looked defeated, even if it was for his own sake. Mayoi smiled at him, “You can rest easy now, HiMERU-san. Rinne-san will take care of your work now.”

HiMERU sighs, “He can’t really take breaks that immediately. He can still feel the adrenaline of work coursing through his body.”

Tatsumi smiled, “Don’t worry, let’s get that out of your system.” He held his hand as he gently guided him onto the bed, with Mayoi getting his laptop to set it aside for now. HiMERU looked at him with a questioning glance before being pulled onto the bed.

“He could take a nap on his own.” HiMERU sighs as he watches Tatsumi fluff up the pillows and Mayoi closes the curtains. They didn’t answer him, just preparing him for a nap he is persistently refusing. He doesn’t even know why, a part of his head is desperately begging for him to just flop on the bed and sleep until tomorrow morning. However, in a way, he still feels like he shouldn’t accept this, but what for?

He feels like the automatic response in his brain is slowly losing its former logic and reason, acting up just because he’s used to pushing other people away. 

He inwardly sighs. He couldn’t escape it, can he?

He doesn’t realize Mayoi and Tatsumi are already sitting on his bed, waiting for him patiently. He was almost embarrassed, resisting still, something that he deeply criticized himself for. 

“He’s not tired.” He just simply says, without any real weight in his words. Mayoi tilts his head with a small frown. “That’s not what your shoulders say.”

“It’s still the afternoon, he could still sleep later.” Tatsumi didn’t buy that as he shook his head, “How much work have you done these past few days?”

HiMERU didn’t answer wisely, which only proved Tatsumi’s point. “You know the argument that ‘rest is productivity’ now, but can you rest… just for yourself, for now?”

The blue idol couldn’t retort from that. He has heard that a lot of times, even to Tatsumi and Mayoi. But it’s an argument that still holds up for him. 

For himself. It seems odd at the tip of his tongue.

HiMERU sighs, having a staring contest with Mayoi and Tatsumi before slowly relenting. He moved towards them. Mayoi gently pushes him to the bed, the softness of the bed attacking HiMERU’s senses already. 

The two lay beside him in a silent consent and agreement. Tatsumi runs his hand between the strands of HiMERU’s hair, which sends some comforting chills down HiMERU’s spine. Mayoi smiled at him, cuddling up to him while HiMERU still fights to sleep, at least some part of his waking mind. 

Tatsumi mindlessly hums, still running his fingers through his hair. Mayoi holds his hand, rubbing a circle on the back of his hand, sending more chilling yet comforting waves through his body, slowly dismantling the ‘defenses’ that his mind has put up.

The warmth seeped into his bones slowly. His eyes slipped shut, not out of sleepiness at first, but because the moment was too much. Too quiet. Too soft.

He didn't remember when exactly he fell asleep.

When he woke, the light had shifted. It was golden-orange now, the kind that made everything feel like a memory.

Mayoi's head rested lightly against his, rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Tatsumi's arm had draped itself across HiMERU's legs at some point, his fingers loosely curled in sleep. The book was open beside him, pages fluttering gently with the breeze from a cracked window.

HiMERU stayed still. He could feel the tension in his chest again. Not the choking kind that came from panic or guilt. Something else. Something thick and slow and unfamiliar.

No one needed him to be anything in this moment. No perfect partner . No poised performer. Just here. Just held.

His throat tightened. He wanted to say something— thank you , maybe. Or I'm sorry.

But the words stayed where they were, curled in the quiet space between heartbeats.

Mayoi shifted, his hand brushing HiMERU's. Tatsumi murmured something in his sleep and tucked the blanket tighter around all of them.

HiMERU exhaled, slow and shaky.

This was new. This was strange.

But it wasn't wrong.

He stayed.

♢ʚɞ♧

But he knows one day, he could bask in them.

HiMERU sprained his leg during rehearsal. It wasn't anything serious, just a bad landing from a jump—but it had been enough to send a sharp pain through his ankle and make him wince in front of everyone.

“HiMERU-han, ya good—woah!” Kohaku tried to pull HiMERU to save him from falling on the ground, but the blue idol was heavier than the pink one, causing him to face the floor unplanned. He groaned in pain, propping himself up as he tried to move his right foot, but immediately wincing in pain.

“HiMERU-kun! What happened?” Niki immediately ran up to him, seeing how his usual stoic face contorted in pain as he tried to tilt his right foot even an inch. Rinne stopped the music before looking at his unitmate, “Is it bad?”

The blue idol glared at Rinne and spared Niki, who was checking him, “Does it look like it, Amagi—ugh!”

“Hey, that was a genuine question. We gonna get ya to the infirmary if it's a big injury. But ya can get rested if it’s not that bad.” Rinne crouched near Niki, who was gently moving his right foot, which made HiMERU groan in pain.

“Yep, that’s a lot. Come on, let’s get ya patched up.” Rinne wordlessly pulled him from the ground and put him on his back. HiMERU shrieked at Rinne, accidentally moving his injured feet. Kohaku promptly carried HiMERU’s luggage to carry it with them. The queen bee looked at his partner as they went to the door to get their unitmate to get the care for his injury that he needed. “Stay here, honeybee, we’ll just deliver this guy to get our enthusiastic member treated for his enthusiasm!”

Niki could only chuckle seeing HiMERU glaring and wanting to choke Rinne now he has better access with his neck, “Take care, HiMERU-kun! Please don’t push yourself next time.”

Rinne and Kohaku delivered HiMERU to the company’s infirmary, with Jin greeting him with concern about why the usual perfect idol is now visiting him. He checked his situation, he was fine, nothing was gravely misplaced, no joint dislocated, nor bones broken. Although the strain was great enough to warrant him a house arrest for 3 days, at most.

As HiMERU pathetically lay on the infirmary bed, he could hear the door opening, revealing two familiar people entering the room. They talked to Jin for a few seconds before approaching the bed he was unfortunately lying on.

“We’re glad ya got ‘ere fast, Mayoi-han, Tatsumi-han.” Kohaku looked at them with his arms crossed, and back at HiMERU. “Sorry fer gettin’ ya involved, we can’t look out fer HiMERU-han all day.”

Rinne cackled as he put his arms around Kohaku, “Don’t be sorry calling the right people to take care of a stubborn person!” HiMERU was almost growling at how Rinne is taking advantage of his misfortune. 

Mayoi only smiled before looking at HiMERU, who immediately turned into a frown, looking at him in such a sad state. Tatsumi smiled at Kohaku as well, “It’s perfectly fine, Kohaku-san. Thank you for notifying us immediately.”

“I’ll entrust you with the safety of my worker bee~ A hive couldn’t function with one of the bees not working hard for our honey!” Rinne dramatically said, making Tatsumi shake his head and Mayoi slightly giggle, lightening the mood even slightly.

Kohaku rolls his eyes as he looks at HiMERU, “Get rest, if yer concerned about our upcomin’ work, then ya better rest well if ya want to be in it. If Niki-han reported that Mayoi-han said yer bein’ a hardhead again, I will also sprain yer other foot as well.”

HiMERU sighs, “Don’t worry, he will, Oukawa. He doesn’t want to leave you all be in that work.”

The two left the three be, with a last teasing remark from Rinne that made Mayoi blush a little bit. Tatsumi returned to HiMERU and looked at him, “How are you feeling?” 

He tried to brush it off. “He could still manage. As Mr. Sagami said, he will be in his best shape in not even a day.”

Even with his clinging to logic, the two weren’t impressed by that. Tatsumi had an almost stern face, yet worry was beneath his serious face. “HiMERU-san, I myself know how injuries to your legs or foot could be painful and prevent you from doing anything meaningful if you are just going to push through it.”

Mayoi supplied with his own concerned message, “Injuries in practices must be taken seriously, HiMERU-san… Please don’t just say you can manage it. Untreated injuries, especially those that came from rehearsals, will not solve anything… ” He was quite trembling, looking at the injured foot and back to him, “Please, tell us what happened and how hurt you are. We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what you need… And we want to help you. Please don’t push us away for this…”

Tatsumi had fixed him with that priest-like stare that brokered no negotiation, and Mayoi had fluttered with worry so intensely that even HiMERU's carefully polished resistance cracked.

HiMERU sighs, slowly reaching for the hands that is held up for him, letting them to take care of him.

And take care of him, they did.

He was promptly escorted to the dorms like royalty under supervision, with no room to protest. Now, HiMERU sat in a chair with his injured leg resting on a cushion, a plush robe draped over his shoulders. His foot was soaking in warm water that smelled like eucalyptus.

He felt ridiculous. But also—warm. Flushed. Like he’d stepped into someone else’s life. Mayoi was kneeling beside him, delicately massaging his calf with practiced fingers. “Does that hurt?”

“No.”

“Too soft?”

“No.”

“...Is this okay?”

HiMERU glanced down. Mayoi looked up at him with wide, unsure eyes. Despite his careful touch, the tension in his shoulders gave him away.

“Yes,” HiMERU said, after a pause. “It’s okay.”

Mayoi smiled, small and bright, like a flower leaning toward the sun.

Tatsumi entered with a bowl of warm towels, his sleeves rolled and his expression serene. He knelt at HiMERU’s other side and began carefully dabbing his shin. “Healing begins in the soul,” he murmured.

HiMERU raised an eyebrow. “Does it?”

“It does when you live with us,” Tatsumi said, deadpan. Then he smiled.

They continued in gentle silence. The footbath was warm, and Mayoi's touch was delicate. Tatsumi dabbed a towel over his shin with a gentleness that made something ache. The room was scented with herbs and low candlelight. A soft playlist played in the background—one of Mayoi’s, full of dreamy ambient sounds and occasional humming.

HiMERU stared at the ceiling. He didn’t understand how they could do all this so easily. Like it came naturally. He felt clumsy just receiving it. HiMERU didn't know what to do with his hands. Or face. Or any of himself, really.

"Why… do you do all of this..?" he mumbled. It was not like he said before, the ‘no’s and “don’t worry” that he had put up.

Mayoi looked up, startled. "We want to," he said, as if it were obvious. The answer that has been said every time. The knee-jerk reaction to his knee-jerk reaction. "You... let us do this, okay? You're always trying to be strong."

Tatsumi set down a towel and knelt beside him. "It is a sacred act to tend to what has been strained." He just put it out there, as if it were nothing. However, there was something more to those words of Tatsumi.

To tend to what has been strained.

To face what has been feared.

HiMERU stared down at them both. There was no obligation in their eyes. Just care. Just worry. Just love.

He let out a long breath.

Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t know how polyamorous relationships work. Mayoi and Tatsumi were either. Tatsumi was raised in a monogamous environment, almost a conservative one. Mayoi never had any experiences with relationships, deep-rooted ones in love and compassion, until he rose to become an idol.

Yet both of them are here, always with him whenever he needed something, or even, if they just wanted to show their love to him, to each other. Despite the three of them with insecurities of being served, whether out of deprivation of it before or being used to being the one who serves, not to being served, they were open about it.

Maybe it’s just that he hasn’t really looked into himself, why he always tries to push away their kindness and love, stating he could handle it himself.

They know he can handle it; they always know. 

The difference is that they want him to share the burden with them.

Healing from what seems to be his lifelong scar will not be easy. It’s still been a few months since they got together. It will be a long battle of himself and himself only, trying to untangle the defenses that his self put up. There were progress, the way he finally lets himself indulge in things that 

All he knows is that he loves them, he cherishes every moment with them, and he appreciates everything he has done for them. 

He wishes he could convey it more than his ‘I love you’s or even the gifts he showers them with.

They finished the makeshift spa treatment with warm compresses, a brace wrap, and a fluffy blanket. They helped him onto the bed afterward, when they fluffed pillows around him and wrapped his legs in soft towels. Mayoi placed a mint candy on his lap. Tatsumi brought him tea in a cup, not his usual drink, but it was appropriate for the occasion. Then, they sat with him, letting the melodic background noise flood their senses.

HiMERU didn’t speak, but he leaned into Mayoi’s side. He let his leg rest across Tatsumi’s lap. He let himself be held, fussed over, and cared for. When the pain in his ankle began to dull, it was hard to tell if it was from the treatment or the softness cocooning him.

“Thank you,” he said, quietly.

Thank you for loving me… and never getting tired of it.

It wasn’t enough to make up for everything they did for him. But he hopes he got his message across, even in two words.

Tatsumi and Mayoi smiled at each other, giving him some warm touches on his hair and a kiss on his face.

HiMERU closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure if his leg still hurt. But the ache in his chest—the one that had lingered for years—felt a little lighter.

Maybe being loved wasn’t something he had to earn. Maybe he just had to let it in.

Until he could tell their love is true.