Archive of Our Own

“When God made you my father, He knew who I'd need

When He picked you from the others, He could already see

That you would be my hero and everything I want to be

When God made you my father, He was being good to me”

- “When God Made You My Father” Riley Roth

One - June 18, 2017

-Really, you don't know the secrets of organic farming, son?-

David Heughan gave him a sad look and then coughed violently. The man's face was marked with deep wrinkles, despite the fact that he was only sixty. His gaze was almost haunted, as if he didn't really realize he was here at that moment, with the children he had never fathered his but had only generated.

Sam felt his stomach twist.

For better or worse, it was a schizophrenic feeling to find himself in the presence of the man who had been like a ghost to him, an invisible and inescapable presence.

He certainly wasn't his son and it bothered him to be called that.

-Plants grow thanks to manure, I am an expert on this-.

Sam stared at him without saying a word. David didn't bat an eyelid and continued undaunted with his speech.

-For example rosemary…-.

Sam Heughan's eyes widened suddenly.

He was sweating and, for a moment, between the fog of half-sleep and the agitation that the dream had left him, he had to remember that he was in his bed and not in the company of his father.

He felt David's unreadable gaze still fixed on him.

He was just a dream. Dreaming about his father almost never happened to him. But under the circumstances, Sam thought his own mind had played a nasty trick on him.

Dad. David. Peabble.

His father had had many names and nicknames. He had never been there for him, except for that trip to Canada in 2013.

Fragments of conversational recordings that had since been lost reappeared like flashes without warning in the Scotsman's memory.

He had dreamed David during a special day.

That day that, by now, undeservedly was no longer just David's, but also his.

Sam tilted his head to the side and smiled.

She was next to him. He was safe then.

They were in her king-sized bed, which become now officially his, too. And judging by the light coming from the windows, it was just past dawn. The pink light enveloped the entire bedroom.

Sam sighed and felt at peace.

Caitriona was still asleep on his chest.

The night before they had made love and fallen asleep in each other's arms.

And now he didn’t have the good heart to wake her. She certainly needed rest. They had just finished filming the third season of “Outlander” and, for once, he wouldn’t have to drag her out of bed at five-thirty in the morning.

Cait's face was relaxed, her eyes still closed, but once opened they would be a crystal blue. Her skin was white as mother of pearl.

She was intoxicating to his senses.

Sam had used the same mechanism all his adult life: he jumped from relationship to relationship, to afraid of putting down roots and passing on to others women the same mistakes his estranged father had made on him, and on his mother and brother. When things were going too good, Sam was simply terrified of what would come next and whether he could handle it. So he cut important people and relationships out. He spent his youthful loves being busy floating only on the surface.

But then Caitrìona Balfe had arrived.

And everything had changed. She was the best thing that ever was his.

For the first time in his life, now, Sam Roland Heughan was simply enjoying the moment.

The Scotsman's gaze lingered on the woman he loved: first on her breasts, full and rounded, firm. Ready to welcome what would come in a few months. Then he moved lower, where the real center of the man's attention was.

He leaned forward and gently kissed the woman's belly. Now, at twelve weeks, it was starting to show. Caitriona's belly had rounded out slightly, her hips were wider.

-I love you M'annsachd. And I love your mommy so much too. You are the best gift we could wish for-.

A moment later Sam felt Cait's hand on top of his. She guided him to the right ledge.

-Here- she said instructing him, just like Claire would have done with Jamie.

-Aye- Sam's gaze was filled with tenderness. His eyes were perpetually shining, as if he were always on the verge of emotional tears.

-I feel it, mo chridhe... it's... it's..-.

Their lips met.

How could he find the right words?

That baby was everything to him.

A new beginning, without reservations.

Warm and enveloping. Full of promises and hopes.

Cait's hands in his hair, movements soft and delicate. She was driving him in a state of drowsiness.

-Have you been awake for a long time?-

Sam shook his head, looking worriedly at the dark circles that adorned his Cat’s face.

He laid her down again, their faces close together. He always wanted to look at her beautiful face. He could do it for hours. She was never made to leave his gaze.

To fix in their memory every single detail of the special moment they were experiencing.

He placed both hands on her stomach again.

In the eyes of the world they were the same people as before.

Sam and Cait.

The sun rose and set. The days passed by in a blink of an eye. Work commitments were always one after the other and made their days frenetic.

But they weren't the same people as before. They never would be again, simply because they weren't just the two of them anymore.

No one knew about the pregnancy yet, not even their parents.

Just the two of them and Lorraine, who had patiently kept the news a secret. The critical period was over, Caitrìona was now at the end of her first trimester. She would have to tell everyone soon.

And, frankly, Sam was terrified of this.

He loved them so much already. He didn't want the whole world to have a piece of them: his Cat and their baby.

Their little miracle.

-You should rest more- he recommended, covering both of them with the sheet.

The man's hands were always on her. It was a privilege for the Scotsman to be able to watch his child grow up. The rest of the world knew nothing yet. They were two cautious people by nature. Sam, in particular, was always on the alert, afraid that he might have missed something from Cait and the baby.

Cait rolled her eyes, but smiled.

God, she couldn't stop.

The news of her pregnancy had made them both so happy, but Sam was definitely too protective of her, as if she couldn't do anything on her own anymore.

-We're fine Sam, really. You worry too much Daddy. Today we should be thinking about you. It's your first Father's Day-.

The woman's voice was hoarse and still thick from sleep, her hair was unkempt, her eyes were shiny and tired, but full of love.

In those first weeks she had suffered terribly from nausea. Tired, nauseated and exhausted she spent more time in bed than on her feet.

Sam had been there for her. Every moment. Just like he promised.

The man smirked, a grin filled with pride for the family he had created.

It was someone's Da'.

The thought alone terrified him and, at the same time, made him proud. His heart full of love.

-Hey wee one- Sam whispered. His face a few inches from the woman's belly – I'm your father-. A quick caress, full of tenderness -I can't wait to meet you-.

He rested a cheek on her belly and closed his eyes, trying to catch his bairn's movements.

Cait's hands stroked his hair.

Both of their minds wandered to “Outlander”: to Jamie and Claire during their stay in Paris, naked in a room with blue wallpaper.

-Is tusa an rud as fheàrr a dh' fhaodadh a bhith air tachairt dhomh *- he whispered. Then he looked up at Caitrìona.

He took her hand. The Claddagh ring had always been on Cait’s finger, never taken off since the day of the proposal. But in those first weeks of bliss they had been so damn busy worrying about their baby’s health that they had never discussed the wedding again.

Yet, there was time. It seemed to Sam that he had eternity just for the three of them.

- Mo Nighean Donn, you are breathtakingly beautiful-.

Cait's heart swelled beyond measure. Or was it just the hormones. Her eyes immediately filled with tears and she felt obligated to kiss her man.

How could she not love him?

-Your son will soon start moving in there- the woman huffed.

-My daughter will support the Scottish national team, Balfe-.

-Stop it!- Cait pecked him on the cheek and Sam laughed, getting lost in her sky-colored eyes.

They were already metaphorically married. Physically, no. They had decided to wait for the birth of the bairn. They were in no hurry. For both of them, marriage was just a piece of paper of little importance, compared to their love. To their personal history.

They loved each other. What more could they want from life?

-Are you cold?- Sam asked, always thoughtful. Always present.

-Not so much. Your body keeps me warm-.

The woman's comment made him smile.

-That's because we Scots have thicker skin, love-.

A deep kiss on the belly. The hand warm and open, ready to protect their bairn.

-Aye, Skye you should leave your mother in peace and stop making her nauseous. She's exhausted already-.

-Good God Samwise, we don't even know if it's a boy or a girl! And we're not calling her Skye anyway!-

-But it's a Scottish island!-

-Exactly! How do you think she feels? As a child, you were embarrassed when your mother used your full name!-

-Does this mean you won't even want to give your approval for Isla?-

-Definitely not-.

Sam grunted.

They certainly bickering like Jamie and Claire Fraser, at least when it came to choosing the baby's name.

Caitriona lightly tugged at his hair and pulled him close, kissing him slowly.

He tasted like wisky, pine and black coffee.

-You taste good- she whispered, bumping their noses.

-Mmm… - Sam kissed her on the forehead and held her close.

* You are the best thing that could have happened to me

Two – June 18, 2018

Sam fossilized that image in his memory.

He was almost fearful, in awe. He didn't want to disturb the sacred serenity of that moment.

He was in reverend ecstasy.

There certainly couldn't be anything more beautiful. So, that was the love everyone was talking about.

Sam thought he had found it in his future wife.

But now he was aware of his bad faith.

He was wrong. Definitely.

Because he had found that strong and permanent love in the face of his son.

How could his father have wanted to give up all that?

This love would never go away.

He and Caitriona Balfe were inextricably bound.

And the reason was fast asleep in the strong, sturdy arms of the man.

Allister James.

Their precious baby boy had been born six months before, during a cold December’s night, but Sam was certain he had known him forever.

He had chosen them. 

It was just after midnight, which meant it was officially his second Father's Day. And there was no better way to spend it than holding his son in his arms.

He was giving him a nighttime bottle, allowing Cait to get a little more rest.

He couldn't stop staring at him.

-Oh Allister James, you are wonderful-

Allister had looked more like his mother when he was born, but now he was more like his father. His reddish hair was the same as Sam's, as were the strong, square features of his face and his hands with long, thin fingers. His eyes, however, were the same sky blue as Caitriona. Clear and pure. As were the expressions on his face.

-Hey Lister- the man touched his chubby cheeks and the baby gurgled.

The little one had just finished and was, undoubtedly, drunk on milk and satisfied. Sam had burped him and was now holding him in his arms, wearing only his undershirt for skin-to-skin contact.

He paced back and forth, listening to the baby's steady breathing.

In the background the night sounds of the Scottish countryside.

It took only a few minutes for Allister to wake up and the baby's high-pitched screams alerted him that a diaper change was needed.

The man walked toward the nursery, cradling his son in his arms.

-Shhh, calm down wee laddie. Daddy's got everything under control here-.

He hugged the little one close and placed him, very delicately, on the changing table.

The Scotsman sniffed and smiled. He rested the baby against his chest, Allister’s head on Sam’s shoulder, and he watched Allister stretch in his half-sleep.

Now that he had been fed and changed, his son’s  body was relaxed. His big, crystalline eyes, like Cait’s, were half-closed, his heart-shaped lips slightly parted. His light hair was tousled. His very pale skin. His chest rising and falling with every breath.

How was it possible to already be so deeply in love with him?

How was it possible to find ourselves falling even more in love with each other than the day before?

All for that precious child.

Their son.

They were, finally, mom and dad.

-Hey, my boys are still awake- Caitriona watched them, leaning against the doorframe.

Sam smiled at her and was moved as his wife reached out to hold their little one close to her chest.

They belonged to each other.

Lister seemed perfectly comfortable next to his mother's breasts.

The Scotsman touched the little boy's strawberry blond hair.

-I can't thank you enough for giving him to me -.

-You’ve only mentioned it a hundred times since I got pregnant- the woman sneered, blushing slightly.

-I know. But I can't believe that he is really our son and that he is here with us, now-.

He kissed Lister's little head, he didn't have a lot of hair because it was very light.

-Well, I can’t believe that either- Cait admitted. -Don’t you ever wonder what he’ll do with his life? All the endless possibilities he’ll have to choose from, just because he’s our son?-.

-I'm fine with whatever he chooses to become- Sam replied, his fingers gently caressing the boy's chubby cheeks, -as long as he's happy-.

Cat kissed him.

-And do you ever wonder why Lister chose us?-.

Sam stared into her eyes, incredibly serious.

-Why did he choose us?-.

He looked down at them. At his future wife and their precious six-month-old baby, asleep between Caitrìona’s breasts.

They were fucking perfect together.

Nothing could have even come close to the extreme happiness she had given him.

Which Allister had brought him.

The body of the woman he loved was his: safe, familiar, still damn attractive.

Maybe even more than before.

He would not accept any compromise. Nothing and no one would come between the three of them.

Between him, Cat and Lister.

-Because you belong to me and he belongs to us. That's just the way it is, the only way it will ever be- Sam took her hand and squeezed it, kissing her knuckles and Cait smiled.

Allister's crying brought them both back to reality.

-Aye, you're such a wee thing and you're already protesting so much- the man joked, making Cait laugh. -Give him to me Cat. This wee laddie needs some man talk. He needs to let us rest for at least a couple of hours-.

He picked up the infant and began pacing, trying to calm him down.

It worked, and Sam had yet to understand why.

-You’re an amazing father- Cait continued to open the door to him, looking at him with an infinitely proud expression on her face.

Would David have been proud of him?

Sam had never had the courage to ask him. Not in his twenties, not the last time he saw him when David was terminally ill and his days were counted.

What does it matter now? What does it matter when I have a wonderful partner and a beautiful child?

David had never taught him how to be a father, he had never been a dad to him and Cirdan.

He knew nothing about him. Short dialogues, more for politeness than real interest. Almost as if David wanted to atone for his sins, clear his conscience.

David had told him about his life in Germany and British Columbia. His hobbies, his achievements. He had not said a word about how their mother, Chrissie, was doing or what it had actually been like for him and Cirdan growing up alone.

Sam would never, ever risk being in the same situation as David.

Sam was a father now and he wanted only the best for Allister. He wanted to teach him to be a good person, a man.

He was a father. A word he had never wanted associated with himself. Yet, with his son in his arms, he finally felt complete, he felt whole.

Three – June 21, 2020

-Do you really want another child?-.

Sam had laughed when she'd suggested it, only to regret it soon afterward when he saw the extremely irritated look on his wife's face.

One eyebrow raised, eyes narrowed.

Sometimes he thought he had really married that headstrong woman that was Claire Fraser.

Sam stood still with his fork suspended in mid-air. His plate of meat pie was already half devoured.

Caitriona was looking at him with a look of disapproval painted on her face.

Oh, so she was really serious.

They were so used to laughing and joking, bickering like an old married couple, that sometimes Sam had trouble understanding when his wife was talking to him about something really important.

-I’ll be forty-one in October- she said, taking a sip from her glass of wine.

-There’s still a couple of months to go- he pointed out, trying to stall for time.

-Ma' water!- the high-pitched voice of Lister, sitting in the high chair, distracted them both.

-Here Baba- the woman smiled when she saw her son's face covered in mashed potatoes.

They had spent a quiet lovely Father day, in line with the lockdown. Sam had wanted to go for a hike around the moor near their house, of course he was with Lister and Caitrìona. And then they had come back home for tea time. Cait had insisted on cooking Sam’s favorite dish: mince pies with mashed potatoes. They had chatted about this and that while enjoying the food… until his wife had surprised him with that request.

Out of nowhere.

However, he tried hard to understand.

-Cat, I'm serious for once. We've never spoken openly about this-.

Sam sighed. He would do anything for his wife.

God, he would have given her ten children if that was Cait's wish.

But a small part of him wondered if bringing another human into the world amid the chaos of a global pandemic, with another child to support and two demanding careers, was too much.

Cait was one of a kind. But Sam really wanted to make sure his family was good and stable.

Fatherhood was not something to be taken lightly for him.

The Scotsman reached across the table and shook his wife's hand. One finger touched the wedding ring.

-I don’t want Lister to grow up alone- she admitted.

-I don't think that's a good enough reason. Ans he has like fourteen cousins-

-You adore your brother Cirdan. And I love being the fourth daughter of seven-.

-Cirdan, do I have a father?-.

He was seven years old when he asked his twelve-year-old brother that question.

His brother had looked up from his beloved bicycle, but had intentionally not looked him in the eyes.

-Why are you asking me this question?-

-Because Anne asked me at school where my father was. And I told her I don't have one. She laughed and said it's impossible-.

Cirdan rolled his eyes, marveling once again at his little brother's naivety.

-Of course you have a father, Sammy- he muttered. -Everyone has one-.

-So where is he?- Little Sam had looked at him with her head held high. His big blue eyes were half-closed against the sun, on that summer day that smelled of freedom and innocence.

Cirdan finished turning the chain on his bike and sighed, kneeling down so that he and his brother could look each other directly in the eye.

-Our father's name is David-.

-Oh- the astonishment painted itself on the child's face. -And where is he now?-

Cirdan's face twisted for a moment. He clicked his tongue.

-I don't know- he admitted -he chose to leave-.

Sam remained silent. What could the phrase “He chose to leave” mean in the minds of two children?

-But you and I are fine- Cirdan was quick to reiterate, putting a hand around his shoulders.

Yep, you and me. Two brothers against the world.

Sam ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. He was puzzled.

-God, Cat. You want to have six kids? I don't think we'll have time…-

A joke to lighten the mood.

-Sam- his wife's light touch sent shivers through his body.

He imagined her with her breasts swollen and her belly round, with another child inside her. A child who belonged to him, to their love. 

What he and Cirdan had, growing up together, side by side, had been unique. His wife's family, full of chaos and joy, was magical. Seven siblings.

It was only logical that Cat would want to give Lister the chance to interact with hypothetical siblings. She had loved growing up in that big, close-knit family. 

-Are you absolutely sure Cat? Do you want to do it all over again? Do you want to endure the nausea and hormones? And go through the pain of labor all over again? Do you want the sleepless nights? Have you thought about the lack of sleep?-.

The Scotsman wanted to be sure he was taking that big step. And honestly, his wife had caught him off guard.

-Potwoes!-

A sudden noise interrupted their conversation again.

Lister had dropped his plate of mashed potatoes and was now laughing heartily, his blue eyes shining.

-You wee devil!-  Sam scolded him, picking him up and placing him on his lap.

He glanced at his wife as if to said, “I told you so! Do you really want to try that again? To have another little wee terror around the house?”.

Sam kissed the child on the cheek and cleaned his face, under the caring gaze of his wife.

-Lister, how old are you?- Caitrìona asked.

Allister made the number two with his fingers.

-Two!-

-Two!- echoed Sam, making Lister jump on his knees and enjoying the laughter the child produced.

-I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks- the woman admitted, bringing Sam’s attention back to their previous conversation.

-Weeks?-.

Now he was really surprised.

-I don't want to deny our son the joy of being a big brother, and I don't want the regret of not having tried.-

Sam looked at their son again. Lister was growing so fast. He tried to imagine him as a big boy, like a big brother. Lister was so thoughtful and attentive, a truly sensitive child, and the man felt he would be a perfect big brother.

He reached across the table and looked his wife straight in the eyes.

She understood immediately and her face lit up like the dawn.

-Ok, aye. If that's what you want mo ghràidh, I'll try to give you another bairn. In fact, I hope I can give you a daughter. It's been too many generations since a little Heughan girl was born-.

Their hands clasped together and Cait could clearly see her husband's gaze change. It was the same loving gaze he reserved for Lister and his niblings.

-It will be fun-  she smiled.

-For me definitely, I have the easy part-.

Sam kissed her knuckles and smile seeing his Cat so happy.

Being a dad wasn't what he imagined.

It was chaotic, difficult and exhausting to fit caring for Lister into their myriad work commitments.

But the joy that those three years of his child's life had brought him repaid him for all the sacrifices he had made.

-List? What do you said? Would you like to become a big brother?-.

Allister clapped his hands and nodded forcefully.

-Yes!-

-Yes? Sam asked, his mouth dropping.

The little lad probably didn't know the trouble he was getting them into.

Four – June 20, 2021

Allister was immersed in the jacuzzi, full of soap bubbles. A huge smile painted on the child's face. The light blue eyes shone with their own light, the mouth wide open and the screams of joy filled the room. The shampoo foam in his reddish blond hair and on his chin made him look adorable.

Sam was sitting on the toilet, with the lid closed. He was next to his son. The man's hands were wet and full of soap. His face was one of pure joy and wonder.

-What else did you do?- Sam’s voice was calm and relaxed, despite the hard day at work.

Allister was clearly so excited to have his dad home with him and was telling him, in his own way, about his day.

Sam was genuinely interested, even though little of their little lad's babble could be understood.

At Sam's feet, reclining with utmost devotion in her rocking chair, was five-week-old Astrid, casually observing the conversation between the two men of the house.

Of course.

Motorcycles.

A typical conversation between Sam and Allister, at that time, had only two directions: motorcycles and nature, great passions of both.

-And then daddy rides my motorbike around… around… the neighbourhood…-.

-I'll definitely take you List- Sam pinched his nose and the boy squealed even louder. -A little ride tomorrow with you on our motorbike is all I need to be happy-.

Sam was so fucking good.

He was solid and steady.

Calm and thoughtful.

He knows the kind of father he wanted to be and was also proud of where he's from.

Being a father meant, above all, a change of perspective. Taking on responsibilities that years before would have scared him to death.

Accepting small daily changes, marked by the slow rhythm of children.

He wanted in every way possible to make Lister and Astrid feel safe with him, protected, welcomed.

His father had never made him feel this way.

-Christ, woman! You're driving me crazy!-.

Sam remembered his father's irritated voice perfectly.

He was small, the same age as Lister, and he was sitting on the wooden steps of his house. In the kitchen, a few feet away, his parents were arguing.

The sound of several plates breaking followed.

Little Sam closed his eyes, but the tears still came out.

Distant.

A tear inside him, something unfamiliar. Something that made him feel like he was wrong.

His mother's voice was almost a plea.

-Dave, please. The children are outside! Keep your voice down!-

-I don't care about the kids!-.

Lately it was always like this between the two of them. They argued so much that the wooden walls of the small house shook. They were cold towards each other, distant, far away.

And then his father walked out, slamming the door and nearly tripping over him, who was just sitting outside.

-Holy shit, Samwise!- his father howled, red-faced and heated . -You were tripping me, damn it!-.

Sam gave Lister a few more minutes of play in the tub and picked up his baby girl.

Astrid was so small and delicate that the man almost worried when he held her close.

In his eyes his daughter was the most perfect human being in the entire universe.

And she looked so much like Caitriona that Sam's heart skipped a beat every time his eyes met hers. It was so strange to think that having Astrid had only taken three months of trying. Last Father's Day, after their conversation about having more children, he and Cat had gotten serious about giving Lister a little sister. And Astrid had been born last month, May 12th exactly. Like Faith Fraser, and both Sam and Caitriona thought that was just another coincidence in their love story.

-Dad…daddy…da’!- Allister called for his attention.

-What's up wee laddie?-.

The lad’s skin was starting to wrinkle from all the time Lister had spent in the bathtub.

Lister showed him three fingers of his hand.

-Five more minutes?- he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Sam laughed heartily.

-Closed enought buddy. Nice try, but I think your sister had a little accident here. So I really need you to get out of the bathtub and give me a hand with her. Let's give mommy a rest-.

Half an hour later Sam and Caitrìona were huddled together in the king-sized bed, her wife curled up against him. Her hair tousled, her legs entwined, her head nestled perfectly in the crook of his neck. She was pressed so tightly against him that her thin robe was almost invisible. As if she wanted to melt into him.

Sam was bare-chested. His head rested gently in Caitriona's dark hair. The man's slow, even breathing was a sure sign that he would soon be overcome by tiredness.

Bless him.

Cait sighed against him. The extraordinary man had gotten up at five in the morning to let her get a few hours of sleep and had fed Astrid her early morning bottle. Then he had gone out to a run, and left for Edinburgh for work related to My Peak Challenge. And when Sam had returned he had also found time to free her from the commitment of dinner and from the usual bath-and-sleep ritual of children, and to give her a few hours of relax in bed.

A sense of guilt suddenly took over her. A weight on her chest. The woman looked up and met the Scotsman's gaze, who returned it, smiling and kissing her hair.

-Are you tired? The kids drove you crazy today. Those dark circles won't go away unless you get a few more hours of rest, my love-.

-You know you were supposed to rest today, right? It's Father's Day. We should have gotten you a present-

It was unbelievable!

-Cat-.

The man shook his head.

-No, I'm serious. You keep saying it doesn't matter, but it does matter. Sam, really-.

-Caitrìona-.

Sam rarely called her by her full name. And when he did, it was because he wanted her undivided attention. Then, she looked up.

Sam cupped her face with both hands.

-It doesn't matter. Really. As a bairn I thought I didn't even have a father. And when I found out who he was I would have preferred not to know. So, it's not like I grew up with this romantic idea of ​​Father's Day-

-But you are a father. A real father, I mean. Lister adores you. All he did today was ask me when you were coming home. And Astrid will love you madly. We just have to wait for her to grow up- she leaned forward to kiss him. -I love you madly-.

The warm, enveloping taste of his wife invaded Sam, and a moment later his hands were under her robe. On her breasts, swollen and hard from the recent birth.

Cait moaned.

-Sorry, babe-

The man blushed, guilty of not having remembered his wife's need.

-Do they still hurt a lot?- he asked.

His hands were now stiff and out of Caitriona's robe. He didn't know where to put them.

Astrid's cesarean birth had allowed her wife to recover more quickly than Lister's natural birth. But the scar from the surgery and the strain of breastfeeding and sleepless nights had taken their toll on her.

Cait shook her head.

-Not really, but your daughter just finished slaughtering them during her last evening meal. So they're still a little sensitive-.

-Oh, I'll leave them alone then-.

His wife didn't even give him time to finish his sentence and joined their lips again.

-Mmm… Cat- Sam tried to resist slightly. He didn't want to force her to do anything.

But God… Cait could be so convincing. One of her hands was already on Sam’s cock, stimulating it.

-Cat-.

They separated. Breaths heavy.

-God, we don't have to do anything. We can't do anything. It's okay-.

His erection screamed otherwise, but Sam really wanted to enjoy every single minute with his wife. Even without having sex.

-But, I want to. I like pleasuring you just as much as I like being pleasured- she smiled. -It gives me a nice sense of satisfaction-.

Sam smirked.

-I'm a very lucky man, then-.

-It’s your day- Caitriona reminded him, throwing back the covers and settling onto her knees on the bed. She smiled, biting her bottom lip as she trailed her finger down his bare chest slowly. -You know we can do it another way…-.

She pulled Sam’s boxers off and smiled as she saw her husband's cock hard and erect. She reached out and squeezed it, making Sam groan as he adjusted himself and brushed her hair out of her face.

Everything to make his wife more comfortable, as she was giving him a blowjob just five weeks after giving birth.

His goddess.

-Holy shit Cat. Damn, I love you so so much babe-.

The Irish woman smiled devilishly.

-Oh I love it when you talk dirty to me Sammy-.

She licked her lips and moved her mouth down Sam’s hardened shaft, using her hand to gently rub his balls. The Scot moaned louder, gripping her hair a little more.

-Fuck, baby- he cried as his wife moved her mouth faster.

She was driving him crazy and she knew exactly what to do. Which buttons to push to make him reach the peak of pleasure.

After nearly ten years together, she was his first confidant, the only woman he wanted.

Every so often Caitriona allowed herself to look up, every time their eyes met Sam thought he was in heaven. The mother of his children was giving him a fucking blowjob.

That was the best Father's Day gift ever.

-Babe, I'm so close-.

His wife's mouth was warm and enveloping and Sam soon felt the abyss of pleasure growing ever stronger.

-Cat- he moaned, her eyes half closed in pleasure. -Cat, I'm gonna…-.

The woman pulled away just in time and a moment later, Sam's cum was on her hand.

A guttural moan escaped the Scotsman's mouth.

-Come here- he said, pulling her close, completely undone. And he kissed her, casually letting Cat wipe herself on his chest and the sheets.

The Scotsman smiled, pulling her towards him.

-I would like to thank your mouth for that, mo ghràidh -.

She laughed.

-You're welcome darling-.

Sam pulled her close, leaning her back on top of him, and covered them both with the sheet.

Five – June 15, 2025

Sam sighed as he sat down on the couch.

He was exhausted, and not for physical reasons.

He was on the verge of mental exhaustion.

He missed them so damn much. Too much.

More than the air itself.

It was as if half of his heart was hanging, empty.

Sam had asked his partner Alex over and over again if the business trip was necessary. He already knew the answer, but when his friend confirmed it, the Scotsman's breathing stopped.

It would be the first Father Day he would spend away from his children.

And the nostalgia was killing him.

-Hey, this is a big day after all! Right Samwise?-

Sam remained silent on the other end of the line. His mother had handed him the phone and said that the man was “David from Germany” and that he wanted to speak to him and Cirdan. His fifteen-year-old brother, however, had shrugged his shoulders, feigning indifference. Sam, however, had answered.

-It's a great day to turn ten, you're a full-grown man now!-

He remained silent. How did that man know his full name?

A click in his brain. He knew that voice, even if no… it couldn’t be.

His father. It was his father, that David who was babbling something about the fall of the Berlin Wall.

-Do you understand Samwise?! I actually saw it fall, in fact your father contributed to the fall of the wall! I took a picket and a hammer and gave it some good blows!-.

What the hell was he talking about? Had he knocked down a wall and couldn't stop to say hello to him and Cirdan in person? Had he picked up the phone after years just because it was his younger son’s tenth birthday?

-How far is it to Germany?- asked Sam.

Why had David never come to visit him? Or at least bring him a gift?

He wondered if his friends' fathers also just called during their birthday parties.

Sam watched anxiously as his laptop turned on.

The shadow of his absent father was always beside him.

He didn't want his children to experience that feeling.

But there he was, thousands of miles away. Far away.

He felt terribly guilty.

-Sam, you are an adoring father. Believe me-

Alex glared at him. They had visited a vineyard and then talked to the suppliers. The Sassenach Spirit was fine, more than fine. Then they had retired for the evening. They were eating chips and guacamole in their hotel room. The thousand lights of Los Angeles outside the window sparkled in the darkness.

It was midnight, but in Glasgow it was eight in the morning.

It was Sunday though. A special day.

Maybe there was a change that the children were already awake.

-I have to call them to see if everything is okay- he said, compulsively staring at the laptop’s screensaver: a family photo. The four of them were sitting on the couch, Sam holding Astrid, Caitriona sitting next to them, and Allister holding her. It was one of Sam’s favorite photos. It reminded him that this was his life now, now and forever. That Cat and their children would always be home waiting for him, and that every difficult day would end in their arms.

It was comforting to think that, even though Sam wanted to cry from nervousness now. He pressed the call button and waited.

Caitriona answered him immediately.

She was sitting on their bed and she wearing one of his old t-shirts. Her hair was messy and she had glasses on her face.

Of course, she was reading.

-Hey-

-Hey-.

A slight smile, the slight wrinkles visible under the eyes.

There was no need for many words between them.

-Happy Father day darling-.

Sam smiled slightly.

There was a lump in his throat. His stomach was tight. He shouldn't have eaten all that guacamole.

-I miss you-

-We miss you too.-

-No, Cat. I feel terribly guilty-.

That was a recurring conversation between them. Sam, he sought reassurance and Caitriona always gave it to him. But sometimes it wasn't enough.

-Sam…-

-I know. I'm doing this for you and the bairns, but I really miss you. Last night when we landed I spent half an hour sobbing in the bathroom. I told Alex the red eyes were allergies-.

Cait laughed, and suddenly the Scotsman's heart felt lighter.

-Allister and Astrid made some drawings for you-.

Sam's heart skipped a beat.

-Are they awake?-

-Not entirely-

-Cat-

The woman shrugged, feigning indifference to hide the fact that she had been discovered.

-They slept with me these nights-

-Cat. Then you say that I'm the one who spoils them-

-It's not spoiling them! I sleep badly without you. Having them next to me gives me a sense of security!-.

Voices in the background made the Scotsman's heart beat faster. He knew who they belonged to.

-Daddeeee!- Astrid appeared next to her mother, still in her pajamas and with her curly blonde hair in a mess – happy father day daddy!- she chirped in her delightful little voice and Sam resisted the temptation to throw himself into the screen and hug his women.

He was unable to let them go, even for a few days.

-Star, hey princess. Did you sleep well?-.

The little girl nodded, her thumb in her mouth.

-I bought you a present daddee!-.

Sam was physically unable to stop smiling.

-You did?- he asked, amused.

The little girl nodded.

-We bought you a present- Cat confirmed. -It’s here waiting for you when you get home-.

Goodness, at least she remembered to buy Sam a gift that year. The kids had pooled their savings, and she was happy to add the extra money needed to buy her husband a new fishing rod. Sam would surely appreciate it. Although she suspected her husband would have preferred if she would give him a more physical gift.

-Hi Da'!- Allister appeared next to his mother and sister. He was also in his pajamas, his strawberry blond hair almost aglow in the early morning light. -What time is it in New York?-.

-It’s late- the Scotsman looked up from the screen, but only for a moment. Despite Alex’s confident demeanor, he was also busy on the phone, probably with his two daughters. Sam could see him gesticulating as he spoke into his iPhone on the hotel terrace.

-I miss you so much, Dad- his son added, and Sam could clearly feel his heart breaking.

-Oh buddy. I miss you too. Very, very much List boy. I miss you all -he admitted in a watery voice and sniffling.

Christ, he would never have cried in front of them because it would have given rise to a collective cry and he would never have forgiven himself for that.

He quickly wiped away a tear, hoping no one had noticed.

-So what are you going to do today?-

-Oh- Cat smiled, resting her chin on her daughter's curly head -I think we'll go have brunch with my mom and your mom. And then we'll go hang out at the library-

-Dad?- Lister interjected. -Did you get my report card? I got straight A’s in almost every subject. Well, except drawing, but Grandma says you must be a natural at that-.

Sam smiled. His chest swelled with pride.

Allister was seven years old, no longer a small child. He was a little man, his little man. He was growing up and seeing how gracefully, cheerfully and composedly his son was fitting in the world filled him with pride.

Alex was right. He and Cat were doing a good job.

-Of course little man. Mom sent it to me right away. I'm so proud of you-.

-We both are- Caitriona added, hugging the child close.

-So when are you coming back?- asked the woman.

Not having Sam's strong, reassuring presence at her side was really difficult, even though her mother Anne had moved in with her for a few days to help with the children.

-Soon. Yes. Just count the days on the calendar. Are you doing it?-

The children nodded.

-Only two!- Astrid squealed enthusiastically.

-And when I get back we'll go fishing together. I promise you-.

Sam smiled back. The weight in his chest felt decidedly lighter now.

How the hell had he gotten so lucky? To have those two amazing children? Allister James and Astrid Chrissie were his and always would be.

He wasn't a religious person, at all, but he was counting his blessing.

They said goodbye and the screen went black again.

Sam sighed.

-Are you okay?- Alex asked. He had also finished the call and was staring at him in silence.

-Yeah, I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay. And tell the bairns that I love them and miss them-.

Being a father wasn't what he thought it would be. It was a thousand times better.