Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You're playing tea party with Emma and Elizabeth this afternoon to give Liam a little time for himself. Things have been going well at the bakery lately, which is great but it's also run him a bit ragged. He said he was going to take care of some things he's been putting off, but judging by the light snores you hear from that side of the house, he's probably taking a nap.

Poor thing. You smile slightly to yourself, imagining looking at his face and gently brushing the hair out of his eyes. He probably loses a lot of the cares from his face when he sleeps.

That'll be a thing to find out later, though. Right now, you should be present with the girls. After all, that's what you said you'd do in the first place. And besides, Elizabeth and Emma are a hoot. Right now they're having a play conversation with “Weedil” (with the role currently being played by their stuffed octopus).

“You should move to Sun Haven! Like we did! Then we can play and be friends forever!”

The girls continue playing but a terrible thought crosses your mind.

Having to move. The reason they had to move.

The fire.

How did the fire start?

Your mind flashes back to something Donnie said when you first started dating.

Do you remember when I told you that I wear my dogtags as a joke, because it's funny? Well, it is funny... but that's not the whole story.
When I was a lot younger, barely more than a kid, I lived in a Human town in the north. And I sort of... accidentally set the town on fire.
It was an accident! And it wasn't even really my fault... All I did was scare a horse. Then it kicked over a lantern, starting a huge fire. I was blamed for it and run out of town. That stupid horse...

The girls are still engrossed in their game, they don't notice you getting quiet as your mind starts racing.

Liam and his sisters are from the North. That'd be quite the coincidence.

When did the fire happen? How fast do Wolf Amari age?

Was it the same fire?

Liam never sounded like he blamed anyone for the fire. You had assumed it was just their house when he said he'd managed to get his sisters out. These things can just happen. But.

But Liam's also a really sweet guy. He's spent all his energy caring for his sisters, and they feel pretty well adjusted to their life here, even if it's not how he would have wanted their life to go. You wouldn't put it past him to not hold a dumb kid responsible for it if it was their fault. After all, you're a fire elemental and he's never even remotely been worried you'd accidentally burn the bakery down while you're playing with the girls. And Lucia's a fire mage, but Sun Haven was where he felt comfortable settling. He knows the difference between intentionality and accident, between risk and bigotry.

But that doesn't mean he'd be okay with you also dating the guy who started it. Forgive and forget can have limits. And you're supposed to be someone who cares about him. If it's something that could be true, you probably at least owe it to him to find out.

Donnie's a good guy. He helped you get into Withergate when he didn't even know you. He could have just told you he was in the army and that's how he got the dogtags, and left it at that. But he didn't. It mattered to him that you knew. And he didn't want any secrets between you. If you find out, you have to tell him. Even if it hurts him. Even though you don't want to hurt him. Especially because you also don't want to hurt Liam.

What am I going to do?

Chapter Text

After the initial panic, you start to think a little more rationally. After all, it could just be a coincidence. Dear Elios, please let it just be a coincidence. But the thought is still there, nagging in the back of your mind. You have to at least try and find out one way or the other. You owe it to both of them. They haven't met since you started dating them both. But it feels like only a matter of time. Even though Donnie mostly sticks to Withergate, he still sneaks into the Sun Haven festivals. All it takes is running into each other at just the wrong moment and one of them might recognize the other. If Liam recognizes Donovan . . . you mentally give him a hug just thinking about it. Or it could be fine. Maybe they don't know each other?

At first, you think about asking Liam for more details. But even something as innocent as the town name feels like it could bring up a worrying amount of trauma. He doesn't talk much about his life before the fire, about his parents. It's mostly the bakery, what the girls are up to, his time since moving to Sun Haven. The past is understandably painful.

Plus, you have a terrible pokerface. He'd know there was a reason you were asking, and then you'd have to lie, or tell him. And if you don't even know whether it's Donnie's fault, that'd just be causing unnecessary drama.

You can't ask the girls. For one thing, they were probably too young to remember anything. More importantly, Liam specifically asked you not to when he told you about the fire in the first place. He's worked hard to help them adjust to their life here, there's no scenario where you should risk undermining that for your own peace of mind.

No, there's no need to ask them unless you run out of other avenues to investigate. Bernard probably has some records about where all the transplants moved from, and the library probably has angel observation books. And if not, The Great City's library definitely does. You'll have to be cautious when digging, though. Aside from you, Liam has only told Jun and Lucia about the fire and it's his secret to share, not yours.

Okay, that settles it . Resolved, you purposefully stride into town. But as you near Town Hall, you start to think about the conversation ahead of you. Bernard's not just going to reveal personal information about another townsperson. Not without asking questions. Questions you can't answer.

Okay, the library then. Amanda looks up as you enter and rolls her eyes. “Let me guess, you're looking for an ancient text on underwater civilizations? Trying to translate a weird emblem you happened across while fishing?”

“Nope!” you reply cheerfully. “Believe it or not, I'm just looking for normal books this time.” Amanda's eyes narrow suspiciously. “No, really! Which section should I look in for books on the Northern Region?”

She points you at one of the shelves in the back of the library. You get the sense that you've piqued her interest just by virtue of never looking at the books when you're not on a quest. Oops. If you do find something about Liam in there, you may need to pretend it wasn't the book you're looking for or she might leaf through it to figure out what you were after. Though given that you know she listens in on Jun's therapy sessions when it's quiet enough, she might already know . . .

You thumb past a surprisingly large number of books on plants commonly found in the Northern Region – wild flowers, trees, sweetheart plants. You wouldn't have expected that, given how cold it is, but it just goes to show that life finds a way. You pull out an in-depth region map in case it helps you stay organized when figuring out where Liam's from.

You don't find any Angel observation books in that section, though. The Sun Haven library is good, but it's still just a library for a small town. If you were in the Great City, you'd have a better chance finding observation books for the whole Four Regions. The library there is large and able to be so due to the sheer number of people from all regions that pass through the Great City every day. But here, there's only so many people to ask questions, only so much that could be stored, and only one librarian to handle it. You could ask Amanda to order ones that could be relevant. If it wasn't so private and personal, you'd do so in a heartbeat. Instead, you close the map book and bring it to the front desk. When she asks if you found everything you needed, you shake your head and try not to look too disappointed about it.

Distracted by your worry, you accidentally bump into Miyeon on her way to the library.

“Oh no! I'm so sorry, [player], I didn't see you over my books! And now I've made a mess of them ...”.

You quickly cut her off before she starts spirally, well aware of how stressed she seems to be all the time. “No, Miyeon, it's my fault,” you say as gently as possible. “I wasn't looking where I was going and I wasn't even carrying anything!” You help her pick up the books despite her protests about “inconveniencing you when you were clearly very busy!”

As you pick up the last book, a thought occurs to you. “Actually, Miyeon, you might just be the right person for me to have run into. I have a question your father might be able to answer, do you think he'd be able to help me?” You have a vague memory of Doyun being more interested in philosophy, nature, and magic than current events, but it seems likely he'd at least known someone who could find the right records quickly. It's also entirely possible he did some research on the local townsfolk before arriving, Angels don't have the same views on privacy that many of the other races do. Either way, it'd be safer than asking Amanda, and faster than taking the train to the Great City to look yourself.

---------------

“So Miyeon tells me you need my help”. You try desperately not to roll your eyes at how puffed up and benevolently generous Doyun sounds as he says this.

“Yes, sir,” you say as respectfully as possible. “I'm trying to learn a bit of recent history about the Northern Region. I understand that you're very knowledgeable about a great many things, and was wondering if that sort of thing had interested you or one of your academic connections.” Definitely sucking up a bit, but you didn't want to offend him. “Specifically, I'm trying to find out about people-related disasters, such as fires, that would have occurred a few years ago.”

A brief flash of disappointment crosses his face, followed quickly by thoughtfulness and excitement. “Ah yes, my colleague Cleyon is particularly enamored with that topic. I believe they also owe me a favor ...” Thankfully Doyun had already begun to rush to his writing desk, so he missed the face you made as you realized this would mean you now owe him a favor.

-------------------

Doyun's colleague is quick to respond with a rather sensationally titled observation book, “Disasters in the North: The Continuing Struggle in the Harshest Climate”. The tome is well organized by year, and you're quickly able to find a likely set of chapters based on the girls' ages.

You flip through through the disasters in a stuttering pace, simultaneously wanting to find the answer and dreading that you will. Crop failures and avalanches; it sounds like even before the fire it was a hard existence. You have a couple of near misses (fires are surprisingly more common than you would have expected), but none are clearly Donovan's fire and you start to wonder if maybe one of the earlier ones was Liam's. After all, the Angel observer wouldn't necessarily have focused as much on the details of random impacted villagers.

But no. Near the second to last year, you find a fire started by a young wolf Amari that destroys the majority of a town. The observer is clearly enamored with the pathos of it all, to a degree you find uncomfortable, and so goes into great detail on the impact and the reaction of the villagers. And there, right in the middle of the description of the carnage: an older boy and his two young sisters, made orphans by the fire.

Chapter Text

You realize you have to break up with Donovan. You briefly consider discussing it with Liam first, that maybe you wouldn't have to, but you're worried Liam would be too inclined to self-sacrifice if you gave him the choice. He's never had trouble standing up for himself, but things get fuzzier when he feels like it's something that would hurt you.

When you started dating Liam, you'd explained that you were polyamorous – that you might develop feelings for other people as well but that you wanted to know how he'd like you to handle that. The first thing he said was that he didn't want you to hold yourself back for him. That worried you, but in talking about it you made it clear that it wouldn't be a sign there was anything lacking about him. He seemed to understand that, at least in the abstract, but you weren't sure he still believed it when you talked to him about dating Donnie. That'd been a tricky conversation, and you weren't sure if he was really fine with it or just saying he was fine because he didn't want to lose you (which, of course he wouldn't have). He'll still occasionally ask if you think he's boring. Maybe he'd do that anyways, but you still worry sometimes that also dating Donnie made it worse.

You don't want to hurt Donovan like this. But Liam has gone through enough. He shouldn't have to feel like his hurt is less important or should be suppressed for your happiness. Thus resolved, you head over to Withergate.

You catch up to Donovan as he's heading home from the arcade. As always happens when he sees you, a grin splits his face and his tail starts to wag. This is going to be hard.

“Hey, [player]! I was hoping to see you today. There's a new episode of the demon detective show tonight! Want to watch it with me?”

You wince internally. Normally you'd love to. That show is so ridiculous, and Donovan's really good at cuddling. It'd feel dishonest to go along with it and have the conversation afterwards, though. Keeping some physical distance and starting the conversation sooner feels like it might be the right call.

Donovan looks at you curiously. Stupid wolf senses, he already knows something's up. It does make it easier to just be honest how you feel when the other person reads you so easily, even if you had been inclined to put the conversation off. You sigh.

“Hey, Donovan,” you respond affectionately, if a bit subdued.

His ears perk up, but a little warily. It's been a while since you used his full name.

“Normally, that'd be great. But something's come up that we probably should talk about first, if that's okay?”

“Sure, we can do that,” he responds and you try not to notice that his ears droop a little. To keep the walk back to his apartment from being completely awkward, the two of you make idle conversation, catching each other up on the ins and outs of the day. Neither of you are completely invested in it with A Conversation hanging over your heads, but you love each other and that means trying to listen, even when a little distracted. It's thankfully not a long walk.

You make it inside the apartment and the idle talk peters out naturally. After eyeing a mug and deciding it's too dirty, he finds a cleaner one and offers you something to drink, but you're not thirsty.

“So, what's up?” he asks. “You've got a really serious look on your face.”

“I realized something, and it's … it's bad. I went and did some digging, because I wanted to be certain before I talked to you about it. But I think it's true.” You both sit on the couch facing each other while you figure out exactly how to phrase it.

“The fire you accidentally started … I think it was the one that killed Liam's parents.”

Donovan looks like he's been slapped. Whatever he'd been expecting, this was obviously much worse. Almost instinctively you take his hands, thoughts about maybe keeping some distance driven away by worry for him. He lets you, but you would've understood if he didn't.

“I'm so sorry, Donnie. I know you didn't do it on purpose, I know you wouldn't do that.”

You reach up and stroke his cheek with one hand. He leans into your hand, but his face is pained. You don't know if this is helping at all or making things worse.

“But I think I have to choose. He lost his parents, his home. How could I force him to be okay with this, just because ...”

You almost say “of you”, but that feels wrong. It's not his fault you're in this position, either.

“Because I don't want to let go of you?” You're both crying now as you lean your head against his. Slow, frustrated tears. You both want to argue, to find a way this can work.

But you both know it's right.

After you both calm down a little, you see him crack that wolfish smile of his, though there's a sadness behind it you never recognized before. “Well, at least I don't have to give up these sweet digs.” You laugh at that, despite yourself. A future that could have been flashes before you both – Donovan at your farm in Sun Haven, his traffic lights and signs scattered amongst your own things.

It would be so easy, you think, to take Donovan and vanish into the wilderness, start a new life somewhere. Never have to tell Liam and see it hurt him. Maybe it'd even be easier on him.

But you know it wouldn't be easier on him. That he'd never know what happened to you and would worry. You know his face would haunt you. It would eat away at you, eventually destroying your relationship with Donovan, too. Any happiness would be short-lived, tainted. And Donovan knows it, too.

You wipe your eyes. “I should go.”

“Yeah.”

And then he kisses you, one last long, fierce kiss that you match in intensity, fingers curling through hair.

“Sorry,” he says when it's over, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head with one hand. “I didn't want to let you leave without saying goodbye.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too. But I really should let you go this time.”

-------------------------

You leave Donovan's and head back to Sun Haven. Your feet slow as you walk towards your farm from Charon's ferry. But you don't want to be alone tonight.

You knock quietly on Liam's door. The girls are in bed, but you figured he'd still be up. In your mind, you figured it'd be fine, you won't have to tell him. He knows something's up immediately, though.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, concerned. “I'm fine,” you lie, but you know how hollow it sounds.

Was it selfish to come here?

His concern deepens. “It's pretty late,” he says leadingly, but that just makes you second guess yourself more.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you, I know you need your rest …” You turn to go, but Liam catches your shoulder, then lets it go just as quickly, worried about overstepping. “Ack, that's not what I meant! It's just … did something happen? Are you hurt? You don't look hurt.” He checks your arms and hands for cuts, but it's also maybe an excuse to be comforting and it's certainly not unwelcome. His hands are gentle, and years of baking has expanded both his finesse and the amount of information he can learn through them. A thought clouds his face. “You didn't … come from Withergate, did you?”

Busted.

He notices the look, a heady mixture of sadness and two-fold guilt, but it confuses him. “From Donovan?” Liam's treading more cautiously now. The two of you mostly don't talk about your relationship with Donnie – you'd been open about being polyamorous when you and he first started dating, so it wasn't a complete shock when Donovan entered the picture. But Liam hadn't dated much to begin with, let alone someone polyamorous. With Donnie in Withergate, it'd been pretty easy to keep the two lives separate, and Liam's never really been one to pry. You must seem really shook for him to still be asking questions.

“Did he …,” you see his anxiety churn over how to phrase the question, “... do something to upset you?”

“No,” you sigh, failing to meet his eyes, “it's the other way around.”

“I … can't tell you right now.” Ember eyes finally meet brown as you remember why you made this choice. “But I promise, I will. Just … you know that I love you, right?”

His eyes soften. “Yeah,” he says, his hand moving behind his head. “Yeah, I do,” he smiles, shyly. “Would you like to come inside?”

He fusses over you a bit, but really, you're just tired and you're feeling a bit guilty that he's doing so much for you, given what you know. You convince him to stop offering you baked goods and just sit with you on the couch.

You lean gently against his shoulder and his arm wraps around you. The smell of croissants and yeast washes over you. You've always loved the way he smells. “Tell me about your day?”

Listening to the orders fulfilled and games with the girls, the tension melts away and you realize you're even more tired than you thought. It's been a long, hard day, and there's a harder one ahead of you. But for now, it feels right just to be with him. Safe and warm, before you know it you've drifted off to sleep.

You wake up the next morning to the sound of Liam's alarm going off in the other room. He quickly disentangles himself and turns it off as you stretch.

“Sorry, that can't have been very comfortable for you,” you say as he re-enters the living room.

“No, that was nice,” he says, blushing. “Really nice.”

“Although,” he says, stretching his neck, “maybe next time we try the bed?” Now it's your turn to blush shyly as he realizes what he said.

“I'd like that,” you respond before he starts to stammer nervously. The tension that was building in his shoulders drops immediately. “Yeah, me too.”

Aware of the time and how the girls do not know you stayed over last night, you get to your feet and take your leave to water your crops. “But if it's okay, I'll be back this afternoon?”

“Sounds good to me!” He hesitates a moment, then gently kisses your cheek. “I'll see you then,” he smiles.

Chapter Text

Donovan was mad. It was all so unfair.

He lost his parents.

He hadn't wanted there to be secrets. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

He's raising his sisters on his own.

Stupid horse.

Why did it have to be scared of me?

You're not a kid anymore, another voice said. You can't just run away from this. You hurt people, and that has consequences, even if you didn't mean to do it.

Donovan chuckled morosely. It'd been a whole lot easier to justify himself when he didn't have a concrete example of the damage he'd caused. Sure, the villagers had been mad, chased him out of town. That was a mob, though, an entity all its own. It's easy to not see real people when they're yelling at you. And running away from a threat really drives away the other details around it. He hadn't thought about the charred buildings in years, the livelihoods destroyed. The lives lost.

Maybe a walk would clear his head. Withergate is pretty loud, a constant late night party with the cloud of darkness Dynus had hung over it. Maybe that'd drown out these thoughts.

Unfortunately he had forgotten [the player's] apartment was between his place and literally every other part of the city. It'd always seemed so convenient before, but now it loomed over him imposingly. Donovan figured [the player] probably hadn't stayed in town after their conversation, but even still, he didn't want to be hanging around it like a lost puppy, staring up at the windows, hoping they'd change their mind. He had too much pride for that, and he did respect their choice, even though it hurt like hell.

So after a brief moment of hesitation, he tore his eyes away and hurried past it, heading towards the carnival. The discord and music had never failed to entertain him before, but somehow it all felt empty and hollow tonight. Like the golden armor sets they'd had to wear for parades when he was in the army – too shiny, not enough substance. Instead of distracting him, it only made things worse, and the view of the castle – annoying at the best of times – also didn't help.

He steeled himself and passed the apartment again, heading towards the south of town. He'd always enjoyed staring across the lower parts of the city from the overhang outside Arianella's shop. It felt peaceful, despite the din of the city around him or perhaps because of it. The wave of Monsterfolk going about their lives had made him feel simultaneously alone and like he could connect with someone else at any time. But even here, he was too restless to enjoy it for long. And if he was being honest with himself, he wanted deeper companionship at the moment.

Past the pet shop, past Christine's Seed Stall and the General Store, the benches and street lamps. His feet took him to the Withergate Outskirts and into the forest. An experienced adventurer, the phantomes and shadeclaws barely registered as he passed them. Clearing the ones that insisted on being acknowledged took barely an instant. He wasn't quite sure where he was going yet, but continuing to move felt better than standing still for too long.

He barely registered when the unnatural night turned into a natural one, and then the start of day. But he did notice and start to slow down when the buildings of Sun Haven came into view. He'd done this route so many times by now it was easy to do on autopilot, but the thought of being around people again brought him out of his trance. He didn't want to run into [the player] accidentally right now, or draw too much attention to himself.

But, he realized, he did want to talk to Liam.

Donovan had no idea what he was going to say. But this seemed as good a time as any. Who knows if he'd have the will for it again later, when he'd tried to put the guilt away again?

He stopped just outside town and fussed with his fur a little bit, trying to be slightly more presentable and less … potentially unnerving for a human. Sun Haven had other Amari in it, unlike the towns in the North, but he knew they tended to be more domesticated animals and less wild. After a moment of hesitation, he took his spiked collar off and put it in his pocket. Better safe than sorry.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way into town, oriented himself a bit, and headed towards where he thought the bakery was.

Crossing the bridge past what was probably the Archmage's house given the awesome amounts of fire around it, Donovan slowed and slinked slightly out of sight as he noticed someone working at the oven at the far end of the farthest building. That's probably the bakery, he thought, the smell of breads and pies reaching his keen nose even at this distance. And that could be him.

Aware that he was being slightly creepy, Donovan watched the brown-haired young man mix and knead for a little while. However the conversation went, he didn't want to have it around Liam's sisters, but they thankfully didn't seem to be awake yet. And [the player] didn't seem to be around either, that made things a little easier. But he knew he couldn't wait forever, the town was starting to wake up behind him and this path looked like it got relatively good use.

Well. Nothing for it.

Donovan tried to walk up casually, but he could tell it wasn't working. Thankfully he had started walking far enough away that the young man only noticed him as he was passing the children's play table instead of as he slid out behind the bushes and trees near the river. That certainly would have put a tone on the conversation.

“Hi, can I help you?” the young man asked. Ah, he thinks I'm a customer. Makes sense, he probably gets a lot of those.

“You're Liam, right?” Donovan stopped on the town side of the bakery door, fully prepared to and partially hoping he needed to go inside, but also a little bit aware that it was probably best to leave some space in between them if it was Liam. Those were the sorts of things you picked up when people viewed you as a threat just by being who you are. Well, eventually, he thought bitterly. He was grateful [the player] had never seemed scared of him, even when he'd told them about the fire.

“Yeah,” Liam answered, now slightly wary. This did not feel like it was going well.

“I'm Donovan.” He could hear Liam's heart rate quicken at that, but [the player] had told him Liam was a bit of a worrier. Still, Donovan never liked having that effect on people, and his ears drooped. To his credit, though, Liam otherwise didn't indicate he was nervous and started maybe a little too casually working on the dough in front of him again.

“Oh. If you're looking for [the player], I think they're down at their farm right now.”

Donovan winced, knowing exactly how this was going to go. “Actually, I was looking for you.” Yup, there went the heart rate again.

“Oh? What about?”

It wasn't a great apology. It rambled a lot, and he couldn't meet Liam's eyes during the whole thing, instead choosing to focus on the jump rope left lying just out of tripping range of the oven. At one point he got slightly sidetracked complaining about the horse but thankfully realized quickly that dwelling on the horse's blame didn't really count as apologizing. It ultimately just sort of trailed off when he felt like he ran out of things to say, instead of ending.

There was an awkward silence, and Donovan finally looked back at Liam's face.

“I'm sorry … That's a lot to take in right now. Thank you for apologizing.”

Donovan swallowed and nodded. He wasn't sure what he had expected. Yelling, maybe crying. Liam looked a little spell-shocked, which was maybe worse. At least with yelling he could have left quickly and never had to think about it again. He mentally scrambled for some response, any response.

“Look, I'm … going to get out of your hair. And not just for right now. This is your home, I'm not attached to the area. You won't have to worry about seeing me again, about thinking about it again, I'll be out of Withergate and the area as soon as I take care of a few things.” Still spell-shocked, fuck.

“And I won't bother [the player] or anything, either.” Liam blinked at that. “They love you.” I know I screwed this up, but it'll be okay, they'll be there for you. “They broke things off with me and they don't know I'm leaving. Look after them for me, okay? I … know you don't owe me anything, but please. Look after them for me.”

“I will,” Liam said, thoughtfully, seeming a little more present.

Okay, I can go now.

The way back to Withergate was quicker than leaving it had been. He already knew without checking, but walking through the streets home only confirmed that it was time to move on. Still, there was plenty to take care of, it'd be at least a couple of days before he was able to leave.

Having a purpose made it easier to pass [the player's] apartment as he dropped off borrowed bits and bobs. Favors he'd been meaning to repay but never gotten around to before. Withergate had been good to him, but he knew in his heart it wouldn't be the same without them around. Besides, there were plenty of places he hadn't visited yet. An adventurer should never settle too long in one place, he told himself. He knew he'd believed it more before, but the thought still held some truth in it for him. That's probably a good sign. I can do this. I can avoid making things harder for the two of them.

I hope they have a good life together.

Chapter Text

Liam was still a bit worried about [the player]. They'd never had a fight with Donovan before and he wasn't sure how to handle it. Or even if he should say anything?

Poly relationships are so complicated, he thought. On the one hand, it'd be nice to go back to having [player] to himself for a bit. But on the other hand, if he'd done something wrong or gotten into a fight with [the player], he'd want Donovan to give him a fair shot instead of just taking advantage of the situation.

Things were too busy that morning to talk about it anyways. Liam had to get started on the orders for the day and [the player] took the opportunity to head back to their farm, water their crops and feed their animals.

He'd just started getting lost in the baking process when he noticed a wolf Amari awkwardly walking up. He seemed vaguely familiar.

“Hi, can I help you?” Liam asked.

“You're Liam, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm Donovan.” Of course, that's why he looked familiar. [The player] had mentioned Donovan had snuck into some of Sun Haven's festivals, he must have seen him at one of those.

“Oh.” Liam's heart rate, predictably in any awkward social situation, skyrocketed, but he tried to play it cool. “If you're looking for [the player], I think they're down at their farm right now.”

“Actually, I was looking for you.”

Oh good, I can be more nervous. Liam filed that away for the next time he felt overwhelmed. In case it helped. He knew it probably wouldn't, though.

“Oh? What about?”

It occurred to him briefly that Donovan looked, if anything, even more nervous than he felt. But then he was listening. Really listening. And also possibly having an out-of-body experience at the same time? It was hard to say.

He realized that he did recognize Donovan from more than just festivals. Donovan had grown into his face more, but he was still that scrawny kid who'd been run out of town after the fire. They'd never talked much before the fire, but you don't just forget a moment like that. The townsfolk in the North had never felt friendly before, but that was an additional level.

People were so angry but then, as now, all he could see was the scared kid in front of him. Filled with guilt but also a little bit defiant.

Liam realized Donovan had finished speaking. He knew there'd been a good apology in there.

He seemed to want Liam to say something.

“I'm sorry … That's a lot to take in right now. Thank you for apologizing,” was about what he managed.

Liam hadn't thought about immediately after the fire in a while. When he'd thought about the fire, it had been more in the abstract, distant. A thing that had happened. Listening to Donovan, he was back in that moment when everyone first really knew the extent of the damage, what was lost. It was so chaotic and loud and angry and Emma and Elizabeth were crying because they didn't know what was going on but they could feel the crowd's rage, and Mom and Dad weren't there, and he'd never had trouble helping his sisters calm down before but he was also scared, and . . .

Donovan said something about [the player]. Liam hadn't noticed time had slowed but it seemed to get back to normal at that. That must have been why they were so upset yesterday, he realized. They'd broken up with Donovan because he'd started the fire.

For me.

Liam's eyes focused back on the Donovan of the present. The specter of someone more interesting to [the player] than he felt had started to dissipate last night but some more wisps of it blew away as he met the eyes of the actual person in front of him. In time, he'd have trouble picturing that phantom Donovan at all.

“They broke things off with me and they don't know I'm leaving. Look after them for me, okay? I … know you don't owe me anything, but please. Look after them for me.”

“I will,” Liam promised.

Donovan nodded awkwardly. “Okay, well, I should probably get going, I guess. Um, sorry, again. Truly. I, uh, hope things go well for you.”

“Thanks.”

And then he was gone.

Chapter Text

You decide to neglect your Nel'Vari and Withergate farms, at least for today. The automatic feeders are set up with enough food to last a few weeks and there wasn't anything urgent growing anyways. After tending to the Sun Haven crops and farm animals, you come back that afternoon to find Liam a little pensive. As soon as he notices you, though, it vanishes behind a smile. You figure he's probably thinking about your entrance last night – you'll have to talk to him about it soon, though the farmwork had not helped you know any better what to say.

With the bakery open and the girls still awake there wouldn't be time for it yet anyways, so you set about making yourself useful. Since dating Liam, you've picked up on a few things to do at the bakery that are helpful: loading trays, converting wheat into flour, restocking displays that are starting to look empty. Each activity that takes you two close together today seems to result in a slight hand or shoulder brush from one or the other of you, the thrill of it just as fun each time. The morning's conversation about sleeping over hangs enticingly above you both, making you even more aware of each other than you had been before last night. Before you know it, afternoon has turned into evening, and evening into night.

“Girls, how would you feel about [the player] helping tuck you in tonight?” Liam asks.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!” It's gratifying to see how excited they are, though it does mean it takes them an extra half hour to calm down, according to Liam.

“I think that went quite well,” he says when you've finally managed to get them to stop giggling and at least pretend to close their eyes, migrating to his room at the opposite side of the house. “Seems like you could probably stay over whenever you'd like,” he says hopefully.

“Whenever we like, you mean,” you tease, playing a little with his hair. His breath catches, but he smirks. You both hesitate a little, but then go in for a gentle kiss.

It's longer than previous kisses. There's a passion to it, but it's very much restrained. You're both too aware that the girls just went to bed and that doesn't always stick. But it's still a pretty good kiss.

The kiss ends, but you both continue to lean together, forehead against forehead. “Have I told you that you're really good at this?” you whisper. “You're not so bad yourself,” he whispers back, and you kiss again as you hear him ensure the latch is set on the door for privacy.

It's a good thing, too, because five minutes later you hear “Liaaaaaammm?”

Liam looks slightly annoyed but his voice doesn't indicate it. “Yes, Elizabeth?”

“Can I have a glass of waaaaterrrrr?”

He sighs quietly and gives you an apologetic look as he goes to open the door. “Yes, sweetie, be right there.”

You smile to yourself. He's so good to his sisters.

In the distance, you hear sounds of Emma wanting one, too. This is probably going to be a while, so you look into getting comfortable while you wait for him to come back. You ultimately decide sitting up with the covers over your legs is the best move and are reading a magazine when he enters the room again fifteen minutes later.

“Sorry about that,” he says as he quietly closes and latches the door again. “Nothing to be sorry about,” you respond, setting the magazine aside as he joins you under the covers. You settle in to lying with your head gently on his shoulder blade, his arm wrapped around you. “It's probably going to be at least a decade before I'd want you to start prioritizing something with me over them.”

“You're very good to me,” he says gratefully, and a thought occurs to him.

“I didn't mention it earlier, but Donovan came by this morning while you were at your farm,” Liam starts.

“Shit,” you swear, sitting up slightly so you can look at his face better. “I'm so sorry, Liam, I should've told you, I was going to tell you, I just … didn't know how. Are you okay?”

“I don't think I've fully processed it, yet,” he says thoughtfully. “It was definitely a surprise.”

“Did you really break up with him because you found out he started the fire?” Liam asks.

“Yeah,” you shrug nonchalantly. “It seemed like the right thing to do.” You're a little worried about where he's heading with this line of questioning.

“Like, what was I supposed to do? Make you tell me how to handle it? 'Gee, Liam, I know he accidentally killed your parents, but should I break up with him?' Nah, man. That'd feel really selfish.”

“But I wouldn't have asked you to.”

“Are you really feeling guilty that I chose you?” you ask, shifting so you're sitting up and fully facing him.

“Look, I'm not saying it wasn't a hard thing to do,” you continue as he sits up, leaning his back against the headboard. “Donovan's a real sweetheart, I care deeply about him and want him to be happy. I know he would never do something like that on purpose. But I also care about you.”

“He already got chased out of town for it, and that felt excessive.” Liam shudders. “Extremely excessive. He doesn't need to be punished on my behalf, and neither do you,” Liam argues.

“It's not about making things even. It's about prioritizing you. You come first. You were the one that was hurt. Regardless of how forgiving you're feeling, the fact that it was an accident, the fact that he's sorry or has suffered for it, too. There's still an imbalance there and it would be wrong of me not to acknowledge that. It would be wrong of me to make you deal with that when you are already having to relive any portion of what happened.”

You reach out and gently nudge his chin so he's looking you in the eye. “You come first, Liam.”

The look in his eyes is complex, and he doesn't hold your gaze long. “No one's ever broken up with someone for me before. Certainly not while they were also dating me. It feels … selfish to just accept it. And it feels like in any other situation, I'd be making a mistake to do so. At least, I can't think of another scenario when it wouldn't be. I get why it makes sense to you, and I do appreciate being looked after, but that doesn't make me more okay with it.”

“Maybe I should have talked to you about it beforehand,” you concede. “I was worried you'd focus more on me and Donovan than yourself.”

“Which, you are kinda doing anyways,” you tease gently. He gives a quiet snort laugh at that.

“It's easier than thinking about it,” Liam admits, looking off into the middle distance. “This is something here, now, that I could maybe do something about. The fire, the aftermath of the fire … I did what I thought was best in the moment, but I can't do anything more about it. It was overwhelming then but I got through it by acting, because I had to. But right now I can't even do that, there's nothing I can do that will change what happened. But thinking about it, it's still overwhelming.”

“I wish I knew how to help with this,” you say, and you move to lean against the headboard next to him. “But you're not alone. If there's anything I can do, I'll be right here.”

“I know,” he says, and leans his head on your shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” you respond, wrapping your arm around him.

You sit in silence for little bit, just holding him. His hair is soft against your cheek. Your breathing starts to slow but there's still something else he wants to say.

“He said he's going to leave Withergate,” Liam says carefully.

You try not to react to that, but the sadness does come through. “That's … probably for the best. It'd be hard to run into him again, even accidentally.” Liam gives you a supportive squeeze, and you both lie back down, settling in with your head on his shoulder. “Are you sure you're okay?” he asks.

You sigh. “Liam, I'm fine. It's important to me to be here for you. I have zero regrets about making that choice. I'm concerned that you're thinking more about what would make me happy than about how you are processing this.”

“You've spent all the time since the fire caring for your sisters. You're generous and self-sacrificing. I don't want you to self-sacrifice for me on this. I want you to, I dunno, sit with your feelings. Think about what you need.”

Liam bristles a little at that and you sigh, exasperated. “I know you can look after yourself. You wouldn't be here if you couldn't. But,” you pause, searching for the right way to phrase it.

“But you aren't in immediate danger any more. You're safe. Your sisters are safe. It's okay to let a little bit of that control go. To think of yourself. I'll be fine, more than fine as long as I have you. It's okay to just think about what you need.”

Liam sighs and his free hand runs through his hair a little as he stares at the ceiling. “The trouble is, I don't really know what I need right now.”

“That's okay, too. These things take time.” You both lie there a span in thoughtful silence, your hand resting comfortably on his chest.

“You know, I don't think I've asked you very much about him before,” Liam says thoughtfully. “I know he helped you get into Withergate, but I think that's about it.”

You talk about how you met Donovan, the cardboard box disguise and finding you the apartment. You talk about him convincing Lucia and Darius to wear boxes as well. You tell Liam about how excited Donnie would get every time he found an old boot or tire. The stories come easily, and he seems to enjoy hearing them. Eventually the hour catches up to you both, and he drifts off to sleep, with you close behind.

Over the next few days, you continue to stick around Sun Haven. You want to make sure you aren't far away if Liam wants to talk more, but also want him to take it at his own pace. It's surprisingly easy to putter around and find things to do just in town, and the girls are really enjoying having you around a little bit more. You catch Liam looking at you thoughtfully a couple of times, but you smile each time. It's really okay, you try to convey, This isn't a burden for me. And it's not.

Chapter Text

The smell of smoke. Where were his sisters? He was looking everywhere, he had to find them. The smoke was getting worse. They were probably scared. But where were they?

“Liam? LIAM”

[The player's] concerned face broke through the haze of the past. It was a dream, just a dream.

“Are you okay?”

Absolutely not. But why was his first impulse to say he was?

“I . . . sorry.”

He wanted to run away, find a dark corner and sit in it for a while, hugging his knees until the feeling passed. This felt like it needed to be something he dealt with by himself. After all, that's how he'd dealt with such dreams in the past. Stifling any tears, trying to stay quiet so he wouldn't wake the girls. He couldn't bring them back to that moment.

[The player's] face betrayed a brief moment of something. Self-reproach, maybe?

“No, I'm sorry. That was a dumb question. It's okay.” Their voice was soothing and they cautiously started stroking his hair. Liam's breathing began to slow back to normal. He hadn't noticed how hard he'd been panting.

“Was it the fire?”

He nodded, quickly, closing his eyes. They continued stroking his hair, gently, and he leaned into their embrace, letting their care wash over him.

“Do you dream about it often?” they asked after a little while, when he seemed to be calmer.

“I used to, for the first year or so. It's part of what forced me to talk to Jun about it.” The exhaustion from getting the bakery up and running combined with the exhaustion of not sleeping well had been running him into the ground. Jun had given him things to try but also helped him process some of the feelings that were leading to the dreams. The lack of control, the obligation, the fear. Slowly, things had gotten easier. He hadn't even noticed how long it had been since he'd last dreamed of the fire.

“I'm surprised this didn't happen last night, to be honest,” he mused.

[The player] shrugged. “Trauma has its own schedule, I guess.”

“I guess so,” he yawned.

“You ready to try to sleep again? Or would talking more help?” they asked softly, still stroking his hair.

A gentle snore was his only response and they had to stifle a laugh to avoid waking him up again. [The player] watched him sleep for a little while longer, just to make sure the dream didn't come back. But eventually sleep caught up with them, too, and the rest of the night passed uneventfully.

----------------

Liam was starting to suspect [the player] was right. His memory of Donovan getting driven out of town centered around Donovan. His memory of right after the fire centered around his sisters crying, them asking for Mom and Dad, their favorite toys.

He didn't regret feeling that way. He'd needed to. Without being able to push his feelings down and look after his sisters, they wouldn't have survived. He wouldn't have survived. Emma and Elizabeth certainly wouldn't be as happy and well-adjusted without it.

But what he was going through right now didn't need to affect anyone else. His sisters, for good or ill, don't have much memory of the fire. They aren't as tied to it, and aren't old enough to wrestle with anything about Donovan's existence. [The player] had been very firm about their decision and he had made an attempt to push back on it – further attempts would probably come off as condescending. And if he were in their shoes, he'd probably not appreciate it, either.

That just left Donovan and himself. Liam knew Donovan was planning on leaving the area, may already have left. But he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more he could do, should do for Donovan. Maybe figuring that out would help him figure out what he needed.

It was probably a good idea to talk to Jun.

---------------

He found Jun spending his mid-morning time at the Elios fountain in the center of town. Jun thankfully didn't have anyone else scheduled for a session that day, so they found their usual spot and Liam caught him up on the past few days. Jun listened attentively, in that easy way of his that avoided interrupting or giving any judgment. With the context out of the way, Liam got to the crux of what had been bothering him since he'd recognized Donovan.

“I keep thinking about the morning after the fire, when the townsfolk drove Donovan out of town. It was horrible and unnerving and I was looking after Emma and Elizabeth, and maybe this is going to sound stupid, but it feels like I could have done something about it. Should've spoken up or something. I knew it was wrong, what they were doing. So maybe I should have done something about it. I mean, he was just a kid and it was an accident.”

Jun looked thoughtful for a moment. “But so were you. A kid who had just lost your home and your parents and suddenly had more responsibility than you'd ever had before.”

“Even if there was a theoretical better action to do then, is it fair to beat yourself up for not finding it when you were already doing so much?”

“But let's turn this back to you. The townspeople were angry about the fire and that's why they did what they did. Even if you hadn't had Emma and Elizabeth to look after, it doesn't sound like you would have joined them. But that doesn't prevent you from being angry about it, too. Do you think you're also angry with him?”

Liam thought for a little while. “I don't think so. I'm mad at the situation, but it was an accident. He wouldn't have done it on purpose, it could have just as easily been me when I was learning to bake, or Emma and Elizabeth messing with something they shouldn't have. But I miss my parents.” Tears started to form in his eyes. “I miss them so much.”

Liam swallowed, then took a deep breath. “It's complicated, though. For all the fear and the exhaustion, I feel like we have a better life here than we would have had in the North. Emma and Elizabeth have real friends in Topi and Pod, they'd had trouble making friends back there. I know I can depend on you, and [the player], and Kara, and Lucia, and Kitty, and honestly everyone in town. But saying that feels like being okay that they're gone, and I'm not. I'd trade everything away in a heartbeat if I could have them back, but there'd still be things I'd miss about my life here.”

“Maybe that's why I'm not mad at him. My life was changed, but it wasn't ruined.”

“I never got to meet your parents,” Jun said, “but given what you've told me about them, I think they'd be proud of you. All the choices you've made, everything you've done for your sisters. You've had to be really brave and smart and capable in a situation no one should have to go through. It's impressive that you're still able to be kind, too.”

Chapter Text

After a day or two, Liam asks you to guide him to Donovan's place. You decide to head out after dropping the girls off with Jun for school, letting Jun know that he might have to entertain them for a bit afterwards. Jun's happy to do so.

The ride on Charon's ferry is uneventful. The noise of Withergate is maybe a little overwhelming for Liam, but the monsterfolk on the street don't give you any trouble as you make your way to Donovan's grate.

He gives you a slightly puzzled look when you enter the sewers, but you shrug. You let him know where to knock, but figure it's probably best to give the two of them space, so you wait at the top of the ladder, out of sight but not out of earshot.

--------------

Earlier that day

Tony had been watching Donovan for the last few days. He'd learned early on that when someone was trying to find you, it was best to know where they were at all times. Tony was very glad Slobert had tipped him off – Donovan was getting increasingly frustrated, and it was increasingly clear he was also trying to leave town. Clearly Donovan was mad at him, and bad. For the life of him, though, Tony couldn't remember why. Until he'd heard Donovan was looking for him, he'd thought it was Donovan who'd owed him money, not the other way around. It doesn't matter now. Eventually he'd have to give up, right? Tony just had to wait him out.

----------------

Donovan answers the door, but he's obviously surprised at who it is. “Did [player] bring you here?” he looks around briefly, but knows he really should be focusing on Liam. “Come on in, sorry for the mess”.

The usual jumble of neon lights, stolen street signs and dying plants in Donovan's apartment had been greatly reduced, and the remaining furniture was mostly pushed into the center of the room. The chair, TV and slot machine were gone, though the couch and crate of fetch balls were still there.

Donovan gestures at the couch, but Liam shakes his head. He paces a bit as Donovan sits down, intently focused. Donovan's ears are aimed forward and curious. He's maybe never been more still.

“The stuff with the other villagers … that was wrong, you didn't deserve that,” Liam starts, after a beat.

“I'm not angry with you, about the fire. It changed my life forever, obviously, but it also changed yours.  We both lost our homes that day.  I do wish it hadn't happened, but there isn't anything either of us can do to change that.

“But there is still something we can do.

“I could do with some help, honestly. I've built a life and it's working, but I'm exhausted, all the time. I fall asleep when I want to be reading. I'll drop tasks, occasionally, things that I could have handled if I'd had less to juggle. If you're up for it, if you felt like it would be something you could do … I could use a hand. Doing odd jobs, running errands, entertaining my sisters when I need some time to myself. Nothing extensive, nothing horrible or punitive, not even full time, just … things that give me more space to breathe.”

Donovan looks perplexed but curious. “You'd really trust me with that?”

“Well, you do come well recommended.” They both smile.

Donovan stands, awkwardly. “I … Thanks. For the chance to make up for things.” He extends his hand and Liam shakes it. “I won't let you down,” Donovan promises.

--------------

“He's not a puppy, he's a person. But if you're very good and don't pull his tail, he'll play with you like one.”

The girls know Kitty, so it's not a hard concept to get across. It helps that Donovan's a natural with kids.

“What are you going to tell them when they're old enough to understand?” you ask Liam while the two of you watch Donovan and the girls roll around in the grass.

“I don't know. But I think I have some time to think about that.”

----Epilogue----

It's a typical late morning in the bakery. Jordan's manning the counter, and Donovan's helping organize the display. You'd helped out a little this morning, but you have an afternoon meeting in Nel'Vari, so it's time to head out. Liam walks you out, having just brought in the latest fresh batch of cookies.

“Are you sure you're not going to get bored of me?” Liam asks as you reach the door.

You hear a soft thwack as a croissant hits him on the back of the head.

Liam grins sheepishly. “I suppose I deserved that.”

“Yeah you did!” you hear Donovan call from across the room. Jordan looks appalled.

You laugh. As you leave, you hear Liam retort “Croissants are expensive!”

“Look, 'talk shit, get hit', I don't make the rules. I can throw something harder next time,” Donovan offers.