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When Benji wakes up to an ominous shadow looming over him in his sleep his first instinct is to reach for the gun on the nightstand because that's what you do when you've spent as much time in this particular field of work as he has. However, the mysterious shadow grabs his wrist before he can reach the gun and speaks before he can start screaming.
"It's me!" Paris says in French. It takes his tired brain a second to comprehend the words but a second later she turns on the bedside lamp and he can actually see her now.
He breathes a sigh of relief, "Jesus, Paris.." he murmurs, falling back onto his pillow, "Don't do that."
"Sorry," she murmurs but she doesn't say anything else. Benji can tell that she hasn't slept.
They've been moving for the better part of two days, tracking an arms deal to its final destination and intercepting the whole thing earlier this afternoon. It had, for the most part, gone about as well as one could expect, save for one skirmish where Benji's old would seized on him and he struggled to overpower someone in hand to hand combat. He had no one to blame but himself. Still, he had won that fight, and he'd been left with a particularly terrible ache in his fresh scar tissue for his troubles. But ultimately it had been fine, though the rest of the team had been undeniably doting on him since then, much to his chagrin. Ethan never quite stopped deferring to him as team leader after everything, sometimes to his annoyance. But tonight, it came in handy. He shrugged them off and ordered them to bed like one might herd children and they had listened. Even Ethan had backed off, though Benji knew getting him to sleep was a lost cause. He's certain Ethan is still camped out in the living room of the safe house, triple checking exits and peeking into rooms. He's sure the moment he realizes Paris is missing he'll panic. Which is all the more reason he should send Paris away, if the circles under eyes weren't already enough of a reason to do so. But something about the way she looks gives him pause. It's deeper than the tiredness in her eyes and the worry in her brow. It's in the way she stands there awkwardly. Had been standing there, assumedly just watching him. He thinks back to when he got tackled this afternoon. He remembers the sound of her voice in his ear, frantic and terrified. He's half asleep but he's beginning to piece it all together
"Are you okay?" He asks.
She nods curtly, eyeing him over like he'll drop dead any moment.
"Then why are you here?" He asks softly.
She averts her eyes.
He sits up, pats the bed beside him, motioning for her to sit and says, "Talk to me, Paris."
"Today," she starts, "You scared me. I was afraid that you..." she trails off.
"I'm okay," he says, "Nothing happened. I'm completely fine, you have nothing to worry about."
She nods but it's clear she doesn't believe it. "It's more than that." She admits.
He nods, imploring her to continue.
"Since... the entity. Since the bunker. You... you bled out in my arms. You were dying. And I couldn't do anything."
"You saved my life," he reminds her.
She shakes her head, "Only for a moment. I couldn't do anything to help you, not really, not while a bomb counted down. I.. sometimes when I look down at my hands it's your blood I see on them. Sometimes when I wake up I'm scared I've misremembered and you're actually gone. And today... I saw you go down and I was so... so scared. You.. you mean a great deal to me. I don't want to lose you."
It's a jarring confession. Something that shakes him in a way he can't explain. Maybe it's the fact that he was unaware he meant so much to her, maybe it's the fact that he had unknowingly caused her so much suffering. Maybe it's the fact that he knows he’s gotten careless. Maybe it's the fact that she's giving him a reason to get his act together.
He sets himself aside and, mustering as much sincerity as there is in his body, says "I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. For as long as I am physically able, I will be here."
He thinks maybe she understands. The way her eyes go big makes him think that maybe she knows more about him than she's let on.
"You swear?" She asks, deadly serious.
"I swear," he nods. Then, carefully as he can so as not to startle her like a scared animal, he reaches for her hand and places it on his chest, "Here's your proof," he says.
Her eyes close for a moment, like she's really trying to feel for it. His heart beats in his chest, protected by ribs that she's counted and flesh she's cut through all to save his life. It's because of her it still beats. And maybe that's a part of it. Maybe that's why she's so uncertain of his survival. Maybe it herself she's uncertain of.
When Paris opens her eyes again she seems much calmer but more importantly she seems downright exhausted. "How long were you watching me sleep?" He asks.
She shrugs, her hand still firmly on his chest.
It was a while, is the unspoken answer.
"You should get some sleep," he whispers.
She hums noncommittally. It's clear to Benji that she has no plans on going anywhere anytime soon.
"Paris," he says, getting her attention, "Lie down. Try to get some rest. I'll be right here."
He knows she's truly exhausted by how little coaxing it takes. Even as they situate themselves her hand never leaves its spot over his heart. She lays on her side, eyelids already heavy, hand heavier on his chest, and before she can truly drift off he says, "And in the morning we'll talk about getting you into therapy."
For the first time, her hand leaves its spot on his and moves up to flick him in the nose.
"Bastard!" He complains, chuckling.
"I'll see you in the morning," she murmurs, already back in her original position.
"Yes, you will," he says. He plans on making good on his promises. And silently he makes another promise, to himself this time, that he will show Paris the kindness he knows she thinks she's not capable of.
And maybe he'll show himself some of that kindness too.
…
When Ethan peeks into the room Paris has claimed and sees her bed empty the well familiar feeling of panic worms its way into his chest once more. He scours the safehouse, hoping that she’d just had trouble sleeping like he does more often than not, but has no luck in locating her.
Finally, he goes to wake up Benji because he can’t go forward alone. A thousand thoughts run through his head about where she could be, what could have happened to her, and when it comes to the people he cares about he needs a voice of reason- even if, realistically, he knows Benji would be just as worried as him. Still, two heads are better than one.
He opens the door, Benji’s name on his tongue, when he sees them. Benji on his back, Paris all but curled into his side. He is flooded with relief at the sight of her. He’s about to close the door when he catches Benji waving at him, apparently not yet asleep.
“Hey,” he whispers, approaching Benji’s side of the bed, “She okay?”
“More or less,” Benji whispers back, “She’s worried I’ll drop dead.”
The casualness of it makes Ethan’s heart clench painfully. Benji had almost dropped dead. He’d almost died and Ethan could have done nothing to stop it. He will never, for as long as he lives, forget the sight of a pale Benji Dunn unconscious in a hospital bed. He can not stomach the idea of losing him. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore than he already has.
“I’m not going to, you know,” Benji says, reading Ethan’s mind. “I don’t need half the team thinking I’m fragile. I’m fine.”
“We don’t think you’re fragile, we just love you,” Ethan says easily. Benji smiles at that. “Doesn’t make the thought any less terrifying, though,” he adds.
Benji huffs, “I’d say you can come listen to my heartbeat but we’re about out of room,” he says nodding towards Paris’ sleeping form taking up half the bed.
Ethan smiles fondly at them. “That’s okay, I’m not sleeping tonight anyway.”
“You should.”
“I know,” Ethan comments, “But you know how it is.”
Benji sighs, “Yeah.”
Paris stirs somewhat and they freeze but she doesn’t wake up. Ethan bends down and kisses Benji on the forehead, “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“You will,” Benji says it like a reminder, “Always.”
Ethan smiles at him as he goes to close the door, “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”