Chapter Text
The room surrounding Jean was completely quiet and dark. There were no loud cars sounding up to the apartment, no shuffling from a bed next to him, no snoring, nothing that should keep him awake.
And yet, he couldn’t sleep.
He always had a problem with falling and staying asleep. Whether it was because of his parents fighting back in France, the fear of someone coming into his room at Evermore, or the nightmares and pain keeping him awake in Millport. He never managed a full night’s sleep. His mind was too much on high alert, trying to keep him safe by keeping him awake.
Having Zane at his back used to help. Back when they had a deal. Before Neil came to Evermore and Zane saw the number on his cheek as a betrayal from Jean. Before he decided to betray Jean the way everyone in his life did.
When he moved in with Laila and Cat, he asked Jeremy to move into his room as well. It took his mind some time to realize that Jeremy was safe. From then on out, the nights with Jeremy in the bed next to him were the best nights of his life. He was finally able to sleep through the night and wake up rested. While the nights without Jeremy were still full of turning from side to side, gasping awake, and rings under his eyes, he started to treasure his new nights.
Then the fire happened, and the FBI gave them a new home. And that’s where his problem began.
The loft was too perfect. It was big, clean, and had enough space for the four of them plus Jabberwocky. But it wasn’t a home the way their old apartment was. There was no DVD collection, no pictures and favorite mugs, no postcards pinned to his wall. Even that damn dog didn’t spend the night in Jean’s room. Instead, he decided to sleep in Jeremy’s room because he is as much of a traitor as everyone Jean has ever known.
Maybe Jean was somewhat bitter from all the sleepless nights. Jeremy used to help, and even though he was staying over for the weekend, they were now separated by this stupid wall.
He wondered if Jeremy was still awake. Was he also lying in his new bed, eyes wide open, and thinking of Jean? He probably allowed Jab to lie in his bed, had a hand in the dog’s fur, and was slowly petting him.
Jean couldn’t really understand why that thought made his stomach flutter while also giving him the feeling that he was about to suffocate.
Trying to get a deep breath in, he stood up and opened the window. This was another thing that took him ages to get used to. Whenever he felt like it, he could get a fresh breath of air. He didn’t have to wait until he had to go to class, but could just open a window and go outside whenever he wanted to.
A look up at the sky showed him that it was a full moon tonight. Jeremy once told him that full moons were supposed to affect people’s behavior. Apparently it made people go do strange things. Crime rates went up, and more people ended up in the hospital for the craziest reasons. No one at the Nest ever needed a reason to hurt him. The full moon was just another night of lying in silence and hoping for the pain to be gone the next day.
Then he moved to California, and the pain was gone, but that also didn’t depend on the moon. The Trojans wouldn’t let him get hurt if they could prevent it. Jeremy wouldn’t let him get hurt.
Thinking about the moon only made him think of Jeremy again. He seemed to be able to sleep better when staying over, so maybe he actually was awake right now. Maybe he also wasn’t able to sleep well alone. If that were true, then it would be cruel of Jean to not get over there and offer some help, wouldn’t it? After all, Jean’s bedroom was big enough for the two of them. And Jeremy was probably feeling like he was suffocating in the small, windowless room.
With his mind made up, Jean leaned away from the open window and walked to his door. He put his hand on the doorknob and twisted it. The door opened with too little resistance, and Jean almost jumped when he saw another person on the other side of the door.
The silence and fresh air helped to remind him that he was not in the Nest and made it possible for him to focus on Jeremy’s face in the darkness.
The other boy had an almost shy smile on his face and was fidgeting with his hands. Jabberwocky was sitting patiently next to him.
“Hey, you’re awake,” Jeremy whispered into the silent space between them.
“What did you expect? Walking into a room while I was asleep?”
It was supposed to be a joke, but an alarmed look appeared on Jeremy’s face, and he took a step backwards. Now, that wouldn’t do.
Jean grasped Jeremy’s arm and pulled him back. The alarmed look disappeared to make place for a curious glance at the place where Jean is holding on to him. Jab ignored the interaction and trotted into the bedroom as if it were his own.
“Everything okay?” Jean asked. After all, there was a reason for Jeremy coming into his room in the middle of the night.
The question got Jeremy’s attention. Thanks to the moonlight streaming into his room, Jean could see Jeremy’s cheeks getting slightly darker. That’s weird. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen Jeremy blush. Curiosity spread through him at what could have possibly made Jeremy Knox blush.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Well, that much was obvious.
“You don’t say,” Jean responded with a slightly mocking tone. The hand that wasn’t currently in Jean’s grip went up to scratch at his neck while Jeremy averted his gaze for a second before finding Jean’s eyes again.
“I just wanted to see if you were awake as well.”
Something was obviously weighing on Jeremy’s mind and he didn’t seem to be comfortable sharing it while standing in the hallway. Jean made a decision and pulled at the arm he was holding until Jeremy understood and came into the bedroom. He closed the door behind him, and Jean could see his shoulders relaxing.
Jeremy looked around Jean’s room as if he hadn’t seen it yet. A small frown worked itself onto his face. Then he saw the open window and immediately went over there to take a deep breath of the fresh air. Just as Jean had done a few moments ago.
Jean joined him by the window. Now that Jeremy was standing in the moonlight, Jean could really look at him.
His eyes were closed, and his face was tilted towards the moon with a light smile. For a moment it was just this. The two of them at the window, relishing in the moonlight with a calmness they hadn’t had a few minutes ago. Then Jeremy opened his eyes, the moonlight reflecting in his brown eyes, and Jean was gone.
“I missed you.” He didn’t mean to say it. It slipped out at the way Jeremy was looking at him. With so much trust and admiration. He never stood a chance at nonchalance.
It was a stupid thing to say, considering they saw each other a few hours ago. But it was true. Them not sleeping in the same room destroyed the bit of normality Jean got used to.
A year ago he would not have believed that he was able to trust anyone to protect him while he slept ever again. But Jeremy proved to him that he was trustworthy over and over again. By not pushing, by keeping him from harm, by honoring his boundaries, and by making sure he kept the partner system even though it must have been a bother to make sure Jean had a Trojan with him in every class.
So yes, weirdly enough, he did not only trust Jeremy, for some stupid reason, his heart also sped up every time he looked at him or thought of him. And now he blurted out some stupid thought that was supposed to be kept in his head.
Jeremy did not laugh at him, though. He did not smirk, look away in amusement, or tell him how dumb this was. Instead, his eyes lit up, and he looked at Jean as if he just found out that Jean got him another dog.
“I did too! Miss you, I mean. It’s so weird. I’m used to sleeping on my own back at—,” ‘home,’ he didn’t say, because it’s not really a home to him, “but I got used to having you by my side whenever I was staying over.”
It almost knocked Jean right off his feet. He didn’t understand why he was feeling like someone was ripping the floor from underneath him. After all, he was feeling the same way. It shouldn’t be that shocking that Jeremy had similar thoughts about this situation, right? But then, no one had ever willingly spent time with Jean aside from the French lessons with Kevin.
Jeremy agreeing gave him the boost of confidence he needed to suggest something truly outlandish.
“Do you want to stay the night here?” There was only one bed. He didn’t even have a chair. Of course Jeremy could carry his own mattress over, but that’s not what Jean meant, and he was sure Jeremy knew that. Because Jeremy nodded eagerly, as if he was only waiting for Jean to offer this.
Or maybe not, because Jeremy immediately turned around to walk out of the room. Jean went to grip his arm, but Jeremy had already turned back around as if he was feeling Jean’s intention.
“Yeah?” His voice was laced with complete innocence.
“Where are you going?” Jean asked him, confused.
“To get my stuff? I’m sure your room will be homey soon enough, but the floor won’t lose its hardness.”
And wasn’t that something that made his heart contract in itself? Nobody ever gave a damn what Jean thought about them joining him in bed. Having another person lying next to him hasn’t been a good experience since he left France. And here Jeremy was, making sure that he wasn’t pushing any boundaries Jean had.
That was the reason why it was so easy to say the next sentences.
“Don’t be an idiot. You are not sleeping on the floor,” he said while nodding towards the bed.
Jeremy froze, his eyebrows raised as if he wasn’t sure he heard him correctly. His gaze switched from Jean to the bed and back to Jean. Whatever he saw in Jean’s face seemed to convince him because he was back to nodding enthusiastically.
“Okay, yeah. Sure, that’s cool.”
Jean had to control his face to make sure his mouth didn’t form a smile at Jeremy’s attempt to remain nonchalant. The yawn that was trying to escape him made it easier to contain his smile.
He turned towards the bed and immediately stopped in his tracks. Jab was lying at the foot of the bed.
“This is your fault. You are not teaching him manners.” Jean went to get him off the bed when Jabberwocky looked up at him with wide eyes.
To be fair, he was expecting a night in the bed. Forcing him to sleep on the floor would be cruel after he just invited Jeremy in it. Maybe the dog will help this to seem more friendly.
So instead of getting Jab off the bed, he just went to the other side of the bed and got under the blanket. Then he held the other side of the blanket up and looked at Jeremy.
Brown eyes were staring widely at him. Jeremy walked over slowly and stopped for a moment in front of the bed. His eyes found Jean’s, and only after Jean nodded at him did he lie down next to him and let Jean put the blanket over him.
They were lying on their sides, looking each other in the eyes, and keeping quiet. Jab started softly snoring at their feet. A sense of security fell over Jean like a blanket.
Jean’s eyes were starting to droop, but before he could fall asleep, he pulled a hand out from underneath the blanket and put it in the space between them. Jeremy looked at the hand and back at Jean. With their eyes interlocked, he slowly put his hand up, giving Jean every chance to pull away before gently putting it on top of Jean’s. He gave Jean’s hand a slight squeeze, and Jean allowed a soft smile to escape him as he fell asleep.
The night was spent without startling awake once. When he did wake up the next morning, their hands were still holding onto each other. They were closer than when they fell asleep, basically trading the air they were breathing. He could feel the weight of Jabberwocky’s head on his ankle.
Jeremy was still fast asleep. His face was completely relaxed, not a single reminder of his home life anywhere to see. A small smile adorned his face. Feeling brave by the security of not being seen, Jean leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on Jeremy’s hand.
Then, he placed his head right next to their hands, even closer to Jeremy’s face that way, and closed his eyes again. When his body tried to pull him under to sleep again, he welcomed it without any struggles.
After all, it was the weekend, and Jeremy’s breath was brushing against him. There was no place he would rather be right now.