Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Cycle 0

Of course, Magnus is picking a fight.

Taako hears the ruckus, sees it out of the corner of his eye as he stands by the pool table. It's distracting him from the two guys he and Lup are currently hustling, but he can't help but be drawn to the noise.

It's the night before their mission officially begins, and the Starblaster takes off. The crew had somehow decided it would be a good idea to spend their final hours on this planet at some bar. The first thing Magnus had done was split off to find a fight to intervene in, while Lucretia sat herself down in a booth, buried in her journals. Taako had quickly lost track of Merle, Barry, and Davenport, but the whereabouts of his soon-to-be crew were of little concern.

"He's so annoying," he complains idly, arms crossed. "Like, we really can't have even one peaceful night?"

"Shh," Lup hisses back. She's hunched over the pool table, tongue stuck out in concentration as she lines up her shot. "I need to think."

Taako lets his sister do her thing as he continues watching the bar fight unfold. Now, Merle has dragged Lucretia to safety behind the bar, and he's standing atop it, shouting at the guy Magnus is fighting. Taako pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers as a bottle goes flying at Merle, nicking the dwarf in the forehead.

There's a sharp thwack as Lup's stick hits the ball she'd been aiming for. It clinks against another ball, sending off a chain reaction that successfully wins her the game in one fell swoop. Their opponents' jaws drop, and they start to protest as Lup takes a step backward, a sly grin on her face.

"Well, that's game," she announces. "As for our prize... Taako, what do you think these gentlemen owe us?"

Taako is barely paying attention. He's fixated on the fight scene as Magnus gets punched right in the eye. Taako can't help but wince. Yikes, that's going to leave a mark. Magnus is undeterred, though. He goes back in swinging.

"Taako," Lup says again.

"Hm?" Taako finally turns back to the game of nine ball, surveying the two unlucky shmucks they'd hustled. "Ah, I dunno. I mean, we have no need for money, since we're leaving the damn planet tomorrow. I say... takes their shoes."

"Their shoes?" Lup snorts.

"Our shoes?" one of the guys gapes.

So Lup and Taako end up with a pair of fancy shoes. A job well done, they high-five as they exit the bar, the rest of their group in tow. Magnus is sporting a black eye from the bar fight, which he'd somehow managed to win anyway. Merle's forehead has a small cut, but it's not bleeding anymore. Davenport and Barry had materialized from seemingly nowhere, Barry grumbling about the fight. Lucretia doesn't even look up from her journal as she trails behind them.

Taako sighs, casting a small glare at Magnus out of the corner of his eye. This was going to be a long, long science expedition.

-*-

Cycle 1

Magnus is dead. He's fucking dead .

Taako watches him get smaller and smaller as the Starblaster shoots for the skies. Of course, the idiot goes out protecting bear cubs instead of acting like a sane person and running to the ship to escape with everyone else.

"Fuck," he whispers, running a hand down his face as he slides back against the railing of the ship. " Fuck ."

Lup is pacing, a hand over her mouth. Lucretia clutches her journal against her chest, shaking like a leaf. Barry is swearing under his breath, while Merle is mumbling a prayer.

Fuck.

And then things somehow get weirder.

-*-

Cycle 2

Okay, Magnus is alive. They're all alive, and Magnus has his black eye and Merle has his forehead nick and everyone's standing where they were when they originally left their homeworld.

"What," Taako starts.

"The fuck!" Lup finishes gracefully.

"Shit," Magnus says, blinking stupidly at the rest of the crew. "I just died."

"Yes, you did, you idiot!" Taako exclaims. "Seriously, when an evil storm of darkness shows up and starts killing things, don't you think you should probably run ?!"

"Umm..." Magnus scratches his head. "...no?"

"Okay, well, he's alive now, isn't he?" Merle says, a small frown on his face. "...how?"

"Oh, geez," Barry frets, scanning Magnus up and down. "Okay, okay, we were just there, and now we're here, and-"

"No, you know what?" Taako declares. "I can't handle any sciencey-magic bullshit right now! This is getting way too weird! Taako's out."

"Where are you going?" Magnus calls after him as he stalks off. "We're all stuck on this ship."

Taako flips him off.

-*-

Cycle 7

Taako thinks he's starting to understand the rules of this whole thing. He is a master of the arcana, after all. Well, maybe he has some help from Barry. But Barry is a scientist, so 'understanding things' is kind of his whole thing, so honestly, Taako had just been doing the guy a favor by letting him collaborate on a theory.

They land on a world. The light of creation falls from the sky. The Hunger's scouts arrive for a second. A year passes. After a year, the Hunger arrives, tears up the world unless the crew gets the light of creation first, then they fly away and the cycle resets.

And yes, dying still sucks even when it gets reversed. Almost everyone on the crew can confirm that by now.

The planet they're on now seems peaceful, at least. Lup thinks the light of creation will be easy to recover. All they have to do is settle on who's doing it.

"I volunteer!" Magnus declares, raising a hand.

"No, you always volunteer," Taako says blankly, leaning against the wall. "That's basically drafting at this point."

"So? If Magnus wants to go, Magnus should go!" Merle argues.

"Yeah! Magnus wants to go," Magnus agrees.

"I don't see you volunteering, Taako," Barry says.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't wanna!" Taako snorts. "Why the hell would I put my neck out like that? No thanks, Taako's good right here."

"Why don't we send those two together?" Davenport suggests.

Taako whips his head around to look at the captain. "What?!"

"It seems like a simple expedition this cycle," Davenport shrugs. "We shouldn't need more than two. With your magic and Magnus' brawn, you have your bases covered between the two of you."

"Okay, yeah, how about hell no ?" Taako says, incredulous. "Lup can go!"

"Oh, sure, sacrifice your sister," Lup deadpans.

"It's not a sacrifice!" Taako defends. "The cap' just said it's an easy trip, right? So you'll be fine."

"If it's so easy, then why not do it yourself?"

"It's fine, I can go alone," Magnus interrupts. "Taako clearly doesn't want to go, so I won't make him. I'll be fine on my own."

"We can at least send someone else," Davenport says. "Maybe, uh... Lucretia?"

Lucretia glances up briefly from her journal. "What?"

"...maybe not," Davenport amends. "Barry?"

"I mean, I can go," Barry shrugs. "I don't mind. I just think it might be better if I stay with the ship. I'm still conducting some research on this planet, and it might be wise to get that squared away..."

"No, no, it's alright." Magnus raises his hands. "I can do it alone. We shouldn't risk more than we have to. I'll leave you scientists to do your thing. Let me do mine!"

"Your thing is security," Taako points out. "Not wilderness exploration."

"Basically the same thing!"

"Okay, I think it might be fine for this cycle at least," Davenport reluctantly agrees. "If you're sure you're fine going alone-"

"I am!" Magnus cheers. "One hundred percent."

"Then you can go."

Magnus gears up and packs his bags. Lup and Barry set him up with directions. It's only about a two day's trek north. He should be there and back before they know it.

Magnus departs from the ship, waving goodbye. Taako stands on the deck and watches him go.

He never comes back. Turns out, this planet wasn't as safe as they had initially thought. Weirdly, Taako can't help but feel a pit of guilt in his stomach, as if it were somehow all his fault.

-*-

Cycle 15

Taako is getting really, really sick of this.

It's been fifteen years. Not a long time for an elf, sure, but he feels the time drag on. He's sure it's worse for their human crewmates.

Magnus dies a lot. It's like he makes a habit of it. The others kick the bucket a few times, but not in the way Magnus does. It's like he thinks that since they'll all just reset in the end, he can throw his life away as he pleases. It's kind of getting on Taako's nerves.

What is he supposed to say, though? "Like, 'hey, Mags, I'm really mad you keep dying'?" Taako groans into his pillow. "'Can you please stop? Also, I have no emotional stake in this. It's just pissing me off.'"

"Well, I think we can workshop it a bit," Lup encourages.

"Who am I kidding? I'm not actually going to talk to him about it!" Taako huffs, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling of his quarters. "I don't care that much."

"You care a little bit, though."

"I don't care at all," Taako sniffs. "Care implies that it means something. It doesn't. It's just annoying. Like, why is our ship's security officer basically suicide bombing for the light of creation or random NPC 35? It's ridiculous."

"Random NPC 35 had a wife and three kids waiting back at home," Lup gasps, putting a hand to her heart. "It was very brave of Magnus to stand up for her."

"Oh, I'm sure!"

"Look, it's less about you caring, and more about the fact that you have some unresolved beef with Magnus," Lup sighs. "Okay, maybe 'beef' makes it sound too serious. It's just... I feel like you don't click with the guy the way you do with the others."

"What am I supposed to click with?" Taako says defensively. "He's always killing himself before we can have any meaningful group bonding. Or he's off on some weird side quest. I don't dislike him! I just don't have a reason to like him. You know how it is. Even with the other guys. You're the only one I really trust."

Lup exhales, idly twirling a strand of hair around one finger. "I know," she says. "It's hard for me too, you know? But these guys aren't so bad. I mean, we've already spent fifteen years with them, and we're going to spend countless more. You might at least try to get along with them."

"And when you say 'them', you mean Magnus."

"Yes, I mean Magnus."

"Sure, yeah, sure." Taako returns. "I'll fit it into my busy schedule, right between 'survive the Hunger' and 'save this planet from total annihilation '. No biggie."

"Look, the next cycle you can, why don't you go with him to find the light?" Lup suggests. "Just you two. Then you can have that 'meaningful group bonding'."

"Seriously?" Taako scowls. "That sounds like the worst way to spend a cycle."

"Just think about it, okay?" Lup says. "Think on it for the next five cycles for all I care. We've got a lot of time."

"That," Taako agrees in disappointment, "We do."

-*-

Cycle 16

Taako thinks.

-*-

Cycle 19

Taako thinks some more.

-*-

Cycle 20

Taako is very sick of thinking.

"I'll go!" his hand shoots up before he can stop himself.

"...oookay," Davenport says slowly, "So... Taako's going?"

"Yes. Taako is going."

"Taako's going to look for the light of creation."

"Damn right he is!"

"And he's totally in a sound state of mind and knows what he's agreeing to?"

"Yes, yes!" Taako exclaims. "I'm going with Mags. That's it."

"Magnus never said he was going," Merle says.

"Magnus always goes," Taako returns. "It's just to be expected."

"Oh. Well, honestly, I was going to sit this one out," Magnus scratches at his ear.

"Are you serious?!" Taako practically shrieks. He'd stuck his neck out- and for what?

"No, I'm kidding," Magnus gives a hearty laugh. "Of course I'm going! Especially if you're going."

"Wh- and what's that supposed to mean?"

"I feel like we never really get a chance to hang out," Magnus shrugs. "And it's been like, twenty years! I feel like we're always on such different paths... so I gotta take this chance!"

"Sure," Taako says dully.

Lup flashes him a thumbs up from where she's sitting.

The two of them pack up. Lup and Barry prep them for where they're heading. It's another supposed easy one with about a three day's trek. The crew stands on the deck to see them off, waving as they go.

It takes Taako about two minutes of walking to seriously regret his decision, and that's before Magnus opens his mouth.

"Sooo," the other guy says. "How's it going?"

"How's it going?" Taako deadpans.

"Well, yeah!" Magnus chirps. "I mean, how are things in the world of Taako?"

"Things fucking suck in the world of Taako."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"What, do things not suck in the world of Magnus?" Taako huffs. "In case you forgot, we're stuck in a never-ending loop on the run from an evil, all-consuming entity. I think it sucks in the world of everyone."

"Honestly, I'm not doing too bad," Magnus says. "I mean, all things considered."

"Great, good to know someone's having a good day."

"Yeah! It sure is," Magnus agrees. "I'll be having a better day when we find the light of creation and save this plane."

"Well, I'll be having the best day when we go longer than a year on whatever stupid planet we end up on," Taako grumbles.

To his surprise, Magnus laughs. "Yeah, like, when we hit a year and the apocalypse doesn't happen. And we're like, okay, we can mark that off the calendar. Apocalypse is cancelled."

"Set it again for next year," Taako quips. "Like a birthday."

"Or can we do, like, a leap year deal? I think that would be much easier to manage."

Taako laughs too.

As it turns out, as per usual, Lup is right. It's very easy to get along with Magnus when Taako isn't trying to think of reasons to be annoyed by him.

-*-

Cycle 21

Taako invents surfing. They have the light, and the entire damn world is a beach, so he may as well. Not like there's much else to do here to pass the time, except teach Barry Bluejeans how to swim.

Oh, and Barry is in love with Lup. Has a crush on her, anyway. It's a little cute, the way the guy gets flustered talking about her. Ah, young love , Taako thinks forlornly. If love could bloom at a time like this, maybe there was some hope for them after all.

Taako sits on the sand, watching the sunset. It bathes the vast ocean in a dazzling display of colors. The waves lap against the shore with a gentle crash, spraying sea salt in the air. Moments like these are nice and rare, the peace between the storm- quite literally. Before he knows it, a year will be up, and the Hunger will return. Goodbye beach planet, hello new planet full of who-knows-what.

He barely registers footsteps crunching in the sand behind him until a voice says, "Hey."

Taako glances back to find Magnus peering curiously at him. Right, Magnus. Magnus, whom he's found he now tolerates. They're not friends- Taako doesn't do friends. Lup is the only person he knows will have his back when no one else will. Still, Taako definitely doesn't mind the guy anymore like he used to.

"I was going to scare you," Magnus admits. "For training. But you looked really serene, and I would've felt bad."

Taako snorts. "Your 'training' isn't doing anything but making Merle piss his pants."

"Well, he wouldn't piss his pants if he was on alert," Magnus defends. "Can I sit?"

Taako pats the patch of sand next to him, and Magnus plops down beside him. He leans back on his hands, staring out into the ocean just like Taako had been doing moments before.

"It's nice," he says.

"Wow, really?" Taako rolls his eyes. "And here I was thinking it's the most hideous sunset I've ever seen."

"I mean, this whole cycle," Magnus continues. "It's nice not to have to worry about anything for a year, y'know? Merle's making his gifts, you're out on the ocean-"

"Barry's making googly eyes at my sister," Taako puts in.

"Barry's- yeah. Wait, is that a thing?" Magnus sounds surprised, and Taako can't help but laugh.

"Who knows," he sighs. "I guess only time will tell."

"Good thing we have a lot of that," Magnus quips.

"You know, people keep saying that to me," Taako muses. "I mean, do we have a lot of time? We don't know when this whole cycle thing ends. We could fuck up, and then the Hunger eats our ship, and then it's bye-bye for us birdies."

"Are you worried about that?" Magnus frowns.

"No. Maybe. I don't know." Idly, Taako traces a shape in the sand. "Food for thought. But like, I don't want to die out here, like this. I don't think any of us do."

"You won't die," Magnus promises fiercely, and Taako blinks, taken aback. "Not permanently, anyway. No matter what, I won't let that happen to us."

"Mags-"

"It's my job as ship security to get you all out in one piece," Magnus says. "I'll die every cycle if it means you all get to open your eyes again in the next one."

"Well, that sucks," Taako says flatly, and it's Magnus' turn to look surprised. "I hate that mindset. You know, the biggest thing that always annoyed me about you is how willing you are to rush in and die. You die for us, you die for the light, you die for the people we meet in these planes. I really, really hate it. You know we can look after ourselves, right? Like, I'm a very skilled wizard. Lup is too. And the others know what they're doing. The point is, you're not the end-all-be-all of if we survive or not. Your life means the same as anyone else's on this ship, so can you start acting like it?"

Magnus is silent, and Taako feels like he probably shouldn't have said anything at all, but he doesn't regret it. It's bothered him for years, and he's finally said it.

"...so what you're saying," Magnus finally says, meeting his eyes, "Is you care if I live or die?"

"What? No. I never said that ," Taako scoffs, but Magnus is grinning ear to ear.

"Well, I hear you," he says, tone a bit more serious now. "It's not that I underestimate you guys. I think you're all really great. It's just... that's how I'm wired. I need to protect my friends."

"Friends?"

"Are we not?"

Taako opens his mouth to say 'no'. The word doesn't come out.

"It's been twenty-one years," Magnus jokes. "If we're not friends by now, I'd be a little disappointed."

"You know, I only started tolerating you like, a cycle ago," Taako groans, dropping his chin onto his knees.

"Progress!"

"I think you're fine," Taako mumbles, like the words hurt to admit. " Friends just aren't really my style. I'm not into this whole 'found family' schtick like the others are."

"Well, I want us to be friends," Magnus says. "If twenty-one years is enough for you to tolerate me, maybe another twenty-one will get us to 'friends'."

Taako snorts at that. "Sure. Get back to me in twenty-one years."

"It's a deal," Magnus solemnly swears. "...and I still meant what I said. I'm not going to let you guys die."

"But you'll let yourself?"

"...we can workshop it," Magnus offers.

"Sure," Taako sighs. "Let's workshop it."

-*-

Cycle 30.... and so onward

Merle makes contact with the Hunger. Merle . It's like sending in a mildly eloquent piñata. The dwarf starts off every cycle going to converse with the evil entity trying to kill them, and promptly dies. Then it's a whole Merle-less year until the cycle resets, and Merle reports back to his findings. With every turn, the results are a bit more appalling.

"Hey, hey, Merle? Uh, just as like a tactician, I guess. Maybe stop giving him so much tactical information about, you know, our ship, and how we escape him every time?" Magnus says, exasperated. "Just a suggestion. We're learning a lot about him esoterically, but not weakness, strengths, fighting."

"Okay, I'll just say, 'how do I kill you, John?'" Merle throws his hands in the air. "I'll just ask that next time, smart guy."

"That's what he's asking you !"

"No, he's not," Merle defends. "He's asking me how I come back to life."

"His first question was how do you come back to life! That's ‘how do I kill you for good’, Merle!" Magnus cries.

Still, at the crew's urging, Merle continues these talks until it seems he's hit a dead end. Nothing more comes from that, but Taako senses Merle carries a bit more baggage than he did before.

-*-

Cycle 42

Lup dies early this cycle. Really early. Taako's never lost her like this before. Sure, they've both taken their turns dying, but it's usually toward the end, when the Hunger arrives or on the perilous mission to recover the light. Now, he has to spend a whole year without his sister.

It's a weird feeling, not having her around. It's like there's a part of him that's missing, like someone's gone and hollowed out his heart. Taako spends most of his days on the ship while the others explore the nearby civilizations and track the light. He drifts between his quarters and the deck, where he sits for hours, aimlessly staring into the distance and counting down the seconds.

Everyone takes it hard at first, but soon it's only him left grieving. Maybe they're used to it after Merle's countless early deaths. They all know she'll be back in a year. That's not the problem for Taako. The problem is she's not here right this second, and he's never felt so alone.

One day, he's sitting at the railing, legs dangling off the side of the ship as he leans against it. There's a cool breeze, and he closes his eyes at the feeling of it on his skin. Like a sixth sense, he registers a presence at his side, though he makes no move to acknowledge it. Not until there's a rustling sound, and someone sits down next to him.

"Hey," Magnus says, and it's like deja vu.

Still, Taako says nothing, but opens his eyes.

"You know, I've been planning my whole 'It's been another twenty-one years, are we friends yet?' speech for the entire final week of the last cycle, and then we get here and your sister dies," Magnus continues, "So, uh, awkward timing."

"You don't say," Taako returns dryly. It's the most he's said all month since Lup died.

"Our lives aren't cheap," Magnus begins. "Even if we reset in a year, she's still dead . You still have to go through all that time without her. I know it seems like the others have just moved on, but we're all just making sure she can return in a year. No one blames you for how you're feeling."

"No offense, but I don't really care how the others feel," Taako can't help but say. "She's my sister. Compared to that, she's basically a stranger to you all."

"I'm sorry, Taako," Magnus exhales, and he really does sound sorry. It's pity, and usually, Taako hates pity, but right now, he misses Lup more.

"I don't know what to do without her," he breathes, and the words come out trembling. "She's all I have."

And finally, he cries. For whatever indiscernible reason, he lets down the walls and allows himself to grieve his sister after a month without her. Lup's ever-steady presence at his side, always constant and reliable, had been snuffed out. Taako's always found solace in the fact that no matter how alone he was, he'd still have Lup. Now he didn't even have that, and he doesn't know what to do.

"Hey, it's okay," Magnus reassures, awkwardly reaching out a handle, but it hangs hesitantly in the air. "I mean, it's okay to cry."

"I feel so stuck ," Taako chokes out. "Like I haven't moved on from the moment she died yet. Time is so fucked up for us, and usually a year seems too short , but now it feels like an eternity."

"I know," Magnus exhales, and he leans forward against the railing. "Hey, if it makes you feel better, we can just jump and skip right to it," he says.

"You're fucking joking."

"Yeah, of course I am," Magnus snorts. "Come on, that would be crazy. Going on about how our lives matter and then saying we should just kill ourselves."

"You asshole," Taako mumbles, but he feels like a strange weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Like in mourning Lup, he could finally breathe again. "I should push you off just for that."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would."

"You couldn't ."

"Oh, really? One of us has magic powers, and one of us doesn't. Just try and guess where that would go."

"I could tank it," Magnus says.

"What are you tanking ? My magic nukes?" Taako chortles. "Okay, sure, yeah. We'll see how that plays out."

Magnus laughs, and he turns his head to look at Taako. "...it's good to see you smile again," he says at last, and Taako does a double-take.

"Were you counting?" he scoffs.

"A little, yeah," Magnus admits. "I know it's going to be hard without her. But I'm here for you, and so is the rest of the crew. Whenever you're ready to let us in, we're waiting."

Magnus sounds so earnest that Taako can't help but instinctively deflect. "Is this part of the 'are we friends' speech?" he asks, clearing his throat.

"Well, it has been forty-two years," Magnus quips. "But no. I just wanted you to know that, that's all."

And maybe it's because it has been forty-two years, or because Magnus seems so genuine, or because Taako really doesn't want to be alone. But he finds himself saying, "Well, it's not much of a pitch, but I guess you've sold me."

Magnus' grin grows even wider. "Well, I'm no Lup, but I'll do my best to fill in," he promises.

"I don't want another Lup," Taako scrunches up his nose. "Just... be Magnus for me. 'kay?"

"Sure can do," Magnus readily agrees. "I mean it. I've got your back this cycle. And the next one, and the next, if that's cool with you."

Things are different after that. Taako spends most of that cycle with Magnus. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud, but he's grateful for the company. With Magnus, the year almost flies by. Every day is a day closer to Lup's return. But the time isn't spent filled with dread anymore; rather, Magnus keeps him occupied with his typical Magnus shenanigans.

When the Hunger finally comes and the cycle ends, Taako is more than ready to see his sister again, but it's not lost on him that he's gained someone new, too.

-*-

Cycle 43

Lup is almost beside herself with glee. "So you and Magnus are-"

"You better not say shit, Lup," Taako warns.

Lup gives an innocent shrug.

-*-

Cycle 47

Magnus picks up woodcarving.

Well, everyone picks up something. They're sort of forced to, in order to gain access to the light of creation. Lup is doing violin or something- or was it piano? Or maybe Barry was doing the piano. Those two are almost inseparable these days. And Merle was getting into interpretive jazz, and Lucretia is painting, and Davenport is studying opera... but Magnus picks up woodcarving.

"I really thought you'd go for cooking," Magnus comments. He's hacking away at a log, brows furrowed in concentration. His professor had urged him to channel his fury, to attack the wood. That's how he'd find the beauty. From Taako's perspective, it seems like a load of crap, and he's starting to get the feeling Magnus agrees.

Perched on a workshop table from where he's scribbling in his notebook, Taako glances up at him. "Well, I wanted something easy-street," he returns dryly. "So I'm writing a book."

"And that's easier than cooking?"

"The subtle art of aphorisms." Taako spreads out his hands in a wide gesture. "A Taako original."

"The fuck is an aphorism ?"

"You know, like- like little sayings," Taako sniffs. "They contain a lot of truth, and sound very wise."

"Okay, hit me," Magnus snorts.

Taako clears his throat, pausing for effect. "How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, but to be someone."

Magnus stops for a second, lowering his axe at his side before furrowing his brows, staring at Taako incredulously. "That's Fantasy Coco Chanel," he says.

"I know!" Taako exclaims with a grin. "That's the brilliance of it! I'm just recycling quotes from our reality and pretending I came up with them. These fools will never know!"

"Oh my god. So you're just stealing aphorisms from our plane?"

"Duh. Easy A+ for Taako over here."

"Wow," Magnus snorts. "So I'm over here working my ass off with this stupid woodcarving, and you're reinventing Fantasy Coco Chanel."

"Will you buy my book?" Taako asks, fluttering his lashes. "I could use the support."

"Really? I don't get a free copy? You know, friends and family discount?"

"No. I'm making Lup pay market price too, if it makes you feel better. Buuuut," he adds enticingly, "I'll sign it for free."

Magnus groans, dropping his axe and squatting down next to his misshapen log. "I feel like I'm not getting it at all," he sighs forlornly. "I thought this would be right up my alley. You know, hacking and chopping."

"Maybe you need to try a different approach," Taako suggests. "You know, instead of whacking at it like it's pissed you off."

"So you're telling me I need to quit and try interpretive jazz?" Magnus jokes.

"While I'd pay money to see that," Taako muses, "No. I just think there's a better path you could be taking here."

"Great advice from someone writing the Book of Plagiarism."

"Is it really plagiarism if they're all dead?"

"Yes!"

In the end, Magnus finds a new professor and switches tactics. He approaches woodcarving with tenderness, and that seems to work out well for him, because his little sculptures finally turn out to be something he seems proud of.

"I made you something," he tells Taako one day. " Real tender. Crafted with lots of love."

"Wow, really hyping this one up," Taako scoffs. "I'd return the favor and pen an aphorism in your honor, but I don't think it really works that way."

"Just take it," Magnus replies, and suddenly he seems a bit nervous, offering out a small bundle.

Taako accepts it, doing his best to hide his amusement. Unwrapping it, he finds himself holding a short, knobby stick.

"Ah..." he trails off, unsure. "It's..."

"It's a wand," Magnus puts in, shifting from one foot to the other.

It's definitely rough around the edges, nothing like the wand he uses, but Taako can see the vision. It's sanded down, with a small spot of red where Magnus must have nicked his finger carving it. Taako runs his thumb along it, feeling the glide of his skin against the wood.

Tender was the word Magnus had been using to describe his woodcarving. Taako is inclined to agree. It's far from perfect, but there was clear attention and care put into it.

"I was going to make you a duck," Magnus says. "But, uh, I don't know what you'd do with a duck. So... maybe this is more practical? I don't know. You don't have to use it. It's-"

"It's nice," Taako says softly. "Thanks, Mags."

"You really like it?" Still, Magnus seems uncertain. It's an unfitting emotion on him, one Taako has the urge to wipe away.

"Yeah, of course," Taako agrees. "I can't remember the last time I got a gift from someone who wasn't Lup. My aunt, maybe. Now I really feel bad I don't have anything for you."

"Yeesh, really?" Magnus' eyes go wide. "Well, we've got to change that!"

"Huh?"

"I'll carve you some more things," Magnus declares. "What do you like? I mostly do ducks, but I can probably branch out to other animals."

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"No, forget it. It'll be a surprise! Don't even think about it, okay?"

"I- sure." Taako blinks, taken aback at the sudden shift in gear.

He honestly expects Magnus to forget about the entire conversation, but sure enough, more little hand-carved trinkets and knick-knacks start showing up in his quarters. And yes, it's incredibly cute and endearing. But Taako won't admit that, not ever.

-*-

Cycle 48

Except he kind of does want to admit it. He wants to talk about these weird feelings to someone who might understand, but the only person (Lup) that would is busy with her own shit (Barry Bluejeans), and Taako doesn't want to intrude on whatever they have going on. Those two had finally gotten together at the end of the last cycle, and they seem to be in a perpetually good mood despite the dire circumstances.

Magnus has a new friend too- the jellyfish creature they'd rescued from the last cycle. Magnus seems incredibly preoccupied with caring for it, and he and Lucretia are in the process of setting up a tank for it.

That left out most of the crew, and Taako wasn't about to go spilling his innermost turmoiled thoughts to their captain (or God forbid, Merle ), so he decides another cycle of denial won't hurt him. He just has to let it settle, that's all.

-*-

Cycle 50

Well, it's officially been fifty years. The milestone doesn't come with much fanfare- just another year to mark off the calendar.

With Fischer's tank all set up, Magnus has somewhat returned to normal rather than hovering around the jellyfish like an overprotective parent. In fact, this cycle, he even leaves the ship; he and Taako head out on a trek for the light of creation.

This is the first time he's really gotten to properly spend quality time with Magnus since Cycle 47. The last few cycles have been pretty busy, especially with the addition of Fischer. Magnus' attention had mostly been on the jellyfish, with Lucretia a close second. But now that Taako finally has Magnus all to himself, he doesn't know what to say. Geez, he really should've asked Lup for advice.

Going from trusting no one but his sister to being trapped on a ship with six people for half a century is a big jump. Getting close with the others is weird enough, but Magnus is, as he tends to be, a special case. Taako doesn't just like being around him, he wants to be around him. That's a different feeling in itself. Taako wishes he could just accept it the way Lup had. She seems happy with Barry; really happy. Taako just can't imagine that same happiness for himself.

They settle down for the night. Taako starts a magic fire while Magnus pitches camp. Then they're sitting around it, eating a late dinner, the stars twinkling overhead. Taako stares into the crackling fire and finally can't take his own indecision anymore.

"So you're what, a single father now?" he questions lightheartedly. "Or does Lucretia count as a mom?"

Magnus snorts. "Lucretia is more like the underpaid babysitter. Fischer's all me."

"Ah, right, I see. So you birthed it yourself?"

A sharp laugh. "Oh, yeah. Pushed it right out all alone. I would've wanted you to be there, but you were busy with your aphorisms."

"Well, I'm sorry to have missed it." Taako places a hand to his heart. "If I had known of such a monumental occasion, I would have dropped everything to be there."

"You can always make it to the baby shower," Magnus jokes.

"Yeah, a baby shower three years late."

"I guess your invitation got lost in the mail."

"Ah, tragic. Must have."

Magnus laughs again, then oddly sombers up. He pokes at the fire with a stick and says, "You know, I think I finally get it."

"Get what?"

"What you said to me, all those years ago," he continues. "About how I shouldn't be running around throwing myself at death. Having Fischer... that responsibility is new, you know? We don't know if Fischer gets reset like the rest of us. So I have to be around to protect it. If I die early on by being stupid, I won't be there if it needs me."

"Huh," Taako says. "I guess the single father thing wasn't too far off the mark."

"I'm serious!"

"I mean, hey, if it took adopting a glowing jellyfish for you to realize that, then good for you." Taako shrugs. "Also, it means I was right."

"Well, I never said that ."

"You said you get it. That means I was right."

"Okay, well- okay," Magnus laughs. "I just thought you'd want to know. You know, that I'm taking it seriously now."

"Well, good," Taako murmurs. "I hate it when you die."

Maybe they're both surprised by the sincerity of the words, because Magnus doesn't initially respond, and Taako can't even bring himself to say something else.

Finally, Magnus clears his throat and says, "I, uh, didn't realize you felt that strongly about it."

"Really? The whole speech I gave you on the beach didn't clue you in?" Taako huffs, crossing his arms.

"Well, I knew you cared, but..." Magnus trails off. "I mean, it's hard to read you sometimes. Honestly, some days I'm not really sure how you feel about me."

"How I feel about you?" Taako can't help but frown.

"Like... we're friends, right?" Magnus implores. "But there are some moments when I think... maybe I'm reading things wrong. Or reading too into things."

"I don't..." Taako falters.

"Like just now," Magnus continues. "When you said you don't like it when I die. I mean, I knew you felt that way, but I didn't know you... felt that way."

"That makes literally no sense," Taako deadpans. "Did I feel that way or did I not?"

"When you said it on the beach, it sounded different," Magnus says. "Than... when you said it just now."

"Oh, and you remember exactly how it sounded twenty years ago?" Taako scoffs.

"It did sound different," Magnus returns, and he sounds earnest. "I know it did."

"So what does that mean?"

"...I don't know." Magnus drops his gaze into the fire. It's weird, seeing the usually bold and brash man now almost cower before him. "Maybe it means... at some point, you started feeling differently too."

Taako's heart skips a beat in his chest. Taking a moment to recover, he manages out, "Well, I don't... I mean, a lot of things have changed, haven't they?"

Magnus glances up, an odd look in his eyes that Taako can't place. "Yeah," he agrees at last. "A lot of things have."

Taako thinks about leaving the topic behind. He really does. But before he can, he just can't help but say, "And for the record... I don't think I'm very hard to read. You shouldn't have too much trouble."

Magnus blinks, maybe in surprise. Taako doesn't give him a chance to respond, though, and instead carries on to another conversation.

-*-

Cycle 51

It's been a year, and Taako is no closer to guessing what any of that had been about.

Magnus hadn't brought it up again, and Taako certainly wasn't about to. Still, he can't get it out of his head. He can't shake the feeling that something oddly vulnerable had been exchanged there, beyond anything he understood. He feels like somehow he'd admitted something, confessed to something he doesn't even know.

A lot of things have changed . They certainly had. Magnus was someone he felt completely comfortable around. Someone he felt safe with. Someone he enjoyed the company of. Someone he didn't want to let go. Magnus was funny, kind, and brave. He carved Taako little wooden sculptures. He tended to a magic jellyfish. He looked after their crew. What was there to misread?

Maybe Taako was the problem. Taako, who struggled opening up even after fifty years. Taako, who had stopped bothering to learn math on every new plane they came to. Taako, who couldn't bring himself to care about anything in these new worlds anymore, because he knew they would all be dust in a year. Taako, who still couldn't put words to his feelings. Just... Taako.

For the most part, things seem normal between them, despite all his internal turmoil. Maybe he really was just making things up in his head. And yet he can't seem to help but replay that conversation again and again in his head.

It finally comes out one night. Taako is washing the dishes after a late dinner. Mostly everyone is in bed by now, resting up for the next day. Everyone except Magnus, of course, who insisted on keeping him company in the kitchen, drying the plates he rinses.

"Do you think I don't like you?" Taako doesn't exactly blurt the words out- it's more even and relaxed than that. Still, they almost spill out from him before he knows what he's saying.

Magnus blinks, the towel in his hand pausing over the plate he was drying. "...sorry?" he says after a moment.

"Do think I-" Taako cuts himself off. This was so ridiculous. "You said you don't know how I feel about you."

"...a year ago?"

"Last cycle, whatever!" Taako exclaims. He's already feeling stupid for rehashing it. He should've just let it rest. Dammit .

"I- no, I don't think that at all," Magnus replies, turning his head to the side to look at him.

"Okay. Good." Taako clears his throat. "Because I know I can be, like, aloof and stuff. So I thought... I don't know. I don't want you to think I don't like you. I do like you. I mean, you're one of my best friends."

" One of?" Magnus jokes. "Who's my competition?"

"Barry Bluejeans, obviously," Taako rolls his eyes. "Seriously. I'm just... like that. I'm not... I mean, I would hate if you thought you meant anything less to me than you do."

"No take backs?"

"I'm trying to have a serious moment here!" Taako cries, splashing a bit of soapy dishwater in Magnus' general direction. The fighter laughs, but shakes his head in surrender.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," he says earnestly. "Taako, I know you like me. You don't need to be someone you're not for me to know that. I like you too, 'aloofness' and all. Taako is the reason I like Taako."

"Real eloquent."

"Says the guy who 'wrote' a book full of stolen aphorisms!"

"I fail to see the problem," Taako sniffs.

"Taako, we've been together for about fifty years now," Magnus says. "All of us. I love everyone on the Starblaster like they're my family. They are my family at this point. And you... I love you too. You're my closest friend. I rely on you a lot, y'know. You've always steered me in the right direction when I feel lost. You're like... a constellation in the sky I can look to."

I love you. The words sound so natural coming from Magnus. It makes Taako's heart clench. He clutches the plate he's holding in his hands, feeling the warm water from the sink flow against his skin. Things really had changed between them, quickly and drastically. The moment Taako had finally opened his heart to let Magnus in, they'd accelerated toward something new and different. Ten years ago, Taako could have never imagined saying I love you to anyone but his sister. Now, Magnus was saying it so casually, standing over a kitchen sink.

"Maggie..." he starts.

"You don't have to say anything," Magnus returns. "I already know."

"Thanks," Taako says instead. "For drying the dishes." And for everything else.

Magnus just smiles, as if he knows that too. "I'm happy to do it."

The Hunger comes early that cycle. It's been coming early, but they still don't anticipate it. They're all out in town together, stocking up supplies for when the Hunger inevitably arrives and they have to take off, with only Davenport staying behind with the ship.

It spreads over the sky, a thick cloud of black. Barry's immediately yelling for everyone to get back to the ship, but they're all uncoordinated and panicked. It wasn't supposed to be here yet. Lup is with Barry, and Merle is hurrying Lucretia away, and the civilians are starting to freak out, and-

A thick column of darkness slams down, as if seeking a target. Magnus goes down.

"Mags!" Taako screams. Lup is shouting something at him, and Lucretia looks wide-eyed with terror. Merle starts toward them, but Barry yanks him back.

"Taako!" Lup yells. "Let's go !"

"Go! You go!" Taako shrieks back. Then he's running for Magnus' side, dodging more columns and strands as they touch down. This is the stupidest decision he's ever made, but he knows he can't just leave him there to die alone.

He drops by Magnus' side on his knees, blasting away a few dark figures with his wand. "Mags," he says urgently, grabbing onto his hand.

" Fuck ," Magnus mumbles, bleary-eyed. "Taako?"

"They got you, big guy," Taako huffs, squeezing harder.

"Taako, you need to go," Magnus starts, eyes widening. "What are you-"

"I told you, I really hate it when you die," Taako shakes his head. "I'm not leaving."

"The others-"

"They're on the Starblaster. They'll make it."

"Taako," Magnus says again, more frantic.

"How's this for hard to read?" Taako sniffs, then leans down and kisses him.

He thinks he must die immediately after that, because everything goes dark.

-*-

Cycle 52

"You're an idiot!" Lup exclaims, throwing her arms around Taako. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I would respawn in five minutes tops," Taako jokes, but returns the hug anyway.

Over her shoulder, he makes brief eye contact with Magnus. That ends pretty quickly, though, because Lup steps back and begins to chew him out for being stupid (as if she hasn't done worse!)

Later that night, there's a knock on his door.

Taako opens it to find Magnus standing in the doorway. There's a short moment of silence where they just look at each other, then Magnus says, "I think I hate it when you die too."

"Oh, really?" Taako scoffs, crossing his arms.

"I made you something," Magnus continues, and Taako blinks at the change of subject. "Actually, I made it last cycle. I just... wasn't sure if I should give it to you or not."

"Is it a duck? Fischer might get jealous."

Magnus reaches into his pocket and pulls something out. He extends it toward Taako, and he finds himself staring at a small wooden ring.

"I carved it. Obviously. Umm, Lup helped me with the measurements. I don't think it should give you splinters?" Magnus says uncertainly. "I mean, I really sanded it down. Not that you have to wear it. It's kind of lame. If you don't want it, it's fine. You have a lot of nice jewelry. I mean-"

"Mags," Taako interjects.

"When I said I love you, I meant it," Magnus exhales. "I love you as a friend. And... I'd like to love you as something more. Only if you'd like me to, I mean. And I guess I finally know you maybe feel the same way, so... do you want to try this whole thing out?"

Taako stares at him for a moment, then can't help but laugh. "I did all that, and you still can't tell how I feel?"

"I-" Magnus protests, but he's cut off by more laughter. "I don't want to presume, that's all! I'm trying to be a gentleman!"

"It's not working," Taako snickers.

"Fine," Magnus says. "Taako, how do you feel?"

Taako steps forward and pulls him down for a kiss. Now that he's not immediately dying afterward, he can really savor how it all feels. Gruff and chapped and warm- all very Magnus. Oddly, it feels like home. Maybe that's the rustic hospitality talking.

"And I do like the ring," he adds in Magnus' ear. "But goddammit, Lup! I cannot believe she kept that from me!"

"I totally bribed her. I know you two aren't above a little material gain."

"What did you give her ?!"

"A duck."

" Goddammit , Lup!"

Magnus laughs and kisses him again.