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“yours is the light by which my spirit's born
yours is the darkness of my soul's return
— you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
— 73 Poems, e e cummings
All Grisha believe in the Making at the heart of the world to some extent.
A few like to learn all they can and become devoted to the study of it in a way that is similar to religious devotion.
Most don’t think about it much outside of the lessons where they learn the basic premises and beliefs.
To Aleksander, the Making is of the utmost importance.
It is the key to the amplifiers his grandfather made, and to his studies of merzost.
And it is the source of balance in the universe, the reason Aleksander has known his whole life that the Sun Summoner would eventually come to him.
After all, he controls the shadows, the darkness. Surely, there will be someone who controls the light of the sun. The Making wants balance.
Even if it takes centuries more, he is sure one day there will be a sun summoner to match the shadow summoner, an eternal partner he will never have to lose.
Aleksander clings to that belief in his darkest, most harrowing moments. It gives him the hope that sustains him over centuries of watching Grisha be killed, enslaved, experimented on or used.
One day, the Sun Summoner will come and then he won’t have to be alone.
Aleksander has learned not to get attached, since Luda.
He still cares deeply for his Grisha, in spite of his mother’s pessimistic grumbles, and he would bleed for them a thousand times and more, and he mourns his loyal favourites, but …
They don’t have his heart, not the way Luda did.
And that’s for the best, really. A little bit of distance protects his heart.
Then, centuries after the creation of the Fold, Alina Starkova – his long-awaited Sun Summoner – is brought to his tent.
Belligerent and suspicious and clearly wishing herself far away.
And the moment he sees her, his heart goes oh, there you are, I’ve been waiting for you.
It doesn’t matter that she denies what she is right until he proves it.
It doesn’t matter that it would be so much easier for all his plans if she was biddable and starry-eyed.
It doesn’t matter that looks ready to run if given half a chance.
He knows who she is, knows what she is. Feels his soul, his very being, yearning to reach out to her.
She is his and he is hers, irrevocably, no matter what happens.
Aleksander is born anew under the warmth of her light and his world will never be the same.
The colours around him are more vibrant, his emotions closer to the surface. The world seems like more now that he has seen her face.
He thinks of the devout and their worship of the saints, and how their religious experiences must pale in comparison to what he feels right now, having finally found the Sun Summoner.
He’ll never forget that moment in his tent, no matter how many years stretch out ahead of him.
It will remain fixed in his mind, the moment that everything changed, the moment that the most important piece in his life’s puzzle fell into place.
Truthfully, he knows he ought to send her to the Little Palace with Ivan and Fedyor while he finishes his work in Kribirsk, but he cannot bear to be parted from her, not when he has only just found her.
Instead, he charges Ivan to carry out his duties in his stead, promising his second a holiday in a Balakirev dacha with Fedyor as thanks for dealing with the tiresome politicking that takes up so much of Aleksander’s time.
Alina is skittish in the carriage, constantly asking about her tracker friend, still denying what she is.
That hurts, although he knows she does not say it to be cruel. He has waited eagerly for so long and it pains him to hear her deny a core component of who she is.
She’s young, though. Barely eighteen, from what her records say, and an orphan whose closest friend is the tracker she keeps speaking of. It’s not surprising that she is overwhelmed by the events of the last few hours.
Aleksander wants to show her all the wonders of their Small Science, to tell her the history of the Grisha and teach her their traditions, to make the Little Palace a home for her. Maybe then she’ll see that all he wants is to help her reach her full potential, and to stand by her side throughout their long, long lives.
Alina doesn’t know what it is to spend centuries waiting. Aleksander wants to make sure she never has to be alone.
He’s half expecting their convoy to be attacked and so it is.
Alina is too tempting a target for the Drüskelle to ignore, even though they must know the risks they run attacking the Darkling’s carriage.
Perhaps they expect him to be back in Kribirsk. It’s likely that most people do not even realise he’s chosen to travel with his Sun Summoner.
But if the Drüskelle wish to court death then Aleksander is not about to stop them.
No one will be allowed to endanger Alina and live.
Perhaps it would be wise to leave one of the enemy alive for interrogation, but he is too furious to be gentle, his shadows smothering and slicing and strangling the Drüskelle in mere minutes, the other Grisha and oprichniki in their convoy scarcely needed.
Aleksander has faced armies before. A dozen Fjerdans are of little consequence.
Alina remains safely in the carriage the whole time. She seems somewhat discomposed when he takes a seat opposite her, wiping the blood off his face, but it seems Fedyor has told her enough about the monstrous crimes of the Drüskelle that she does not protest his decision to kill rather than capture.
Still, he takes note of alarm and reminds himself that he’ll need to be gentle with her. For all her bravado, he senses Alina would benefit most from comfort and care and proof that the Little Palace and the Grisha can offer her the home she hasn’t truly had since her parents’ untimely deaths.
It isn’t a ploy or a trick or a manipulation.
Aleksander just wants desperately to protect her and nurture her potential and give her the stability she’s lacked all her life and make sure she never suffers from the crushing weight of loneliness that has plagued him for so long.
Alina deserves the world. Aleksander wishes to give it to her. It is as simple as that, as simple as knowing that everything shifted the moment he saw her.
Like calls to like and the pull he feels towards Alina is stronger than any siren call or yearning described in the old fairytales and myths.
She is everything.
His mother would tell him he’s a fool to feel this way when he doesn’t even really know Alina yet.
But he will. He’ll learn every part of her.
Besides, they are connected through the Making at the heart of the world. He knows he saw her face there at the beginning of everything, long before his birth.
Theirs is a story that began when the universe did and it will continue for eternity, long after this world is gone and the stars have burned out.
Fedyor leaves the carriage to speak with some of the others about setting up camp for the night.
Aleksander watches Alina as she sleeps uneasily, her eyelids fluttering as she tosses and turns.
He brushes a hand over her forehead, letting his amplification lull her into sweeter dreams.
“You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars,” he whispers to her, “I have seen your face in the Making at the heart of the world and there is no one more beloved, Alina Starkova, brave and unbreakable.”
One day he will say those words to her when she is awake to hear them
For now, though, he watches her rest and clings to the hope of what joys their future will bring.