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“Hey Akaashi, are you reflecting on the game, or regretting things?”
Bokuto noticed how his teammate flinched a little at those words. He was already well aware of the answer as he took a seat beside him on the bench. Akaashi’s first weakness. He always blames himself.
“I allowed myself to get distracted by unnecessary thoughts.”
“Well, at least you know how to fix it next time!” He saw the tell-tale signs; clenched fists, slight turn of the head, the glisten of tears flooding his eyes. His second weakness. He tries to manage everyone’s emotions, including his own.
Bokuto sat through the setter’s ranty lecture as if it was second nature to him - after all it was a near daily occurrence at this point. Akaashi knew him well. He knew his weaknesses, his strengths, his mood, his condition and just about everything else. Bokuto believed he knew Akaashi too, though. It was impossible to spend two years by someone’s side without coming to understand them at least a little bit.
And yet there was always a piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit. Sure, Bokuto wore his emotions on his sleeve whereas Akaashi hid them a bit more. But it was something more than that. He tried to hide his insecurities, doubts, and perfectionist tendencies - the third weakness by the way - but even those still showed through. So what was it? The fourth one?
“Nothing is impossible,” he continued, “just really improbable!” He waited for the small smile to return to Akaashi’s face before offering him a tissue. He took it gently.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Bokuto gave his teammate a slap to the shoulder before leaving to give him some space. Or at least he planned to, but froze momentarily upon nearly walking directly into the rest of the team, who were standing directly beside the doorway.
“Guys, it’s not nice to eavesdrop.” He grumbled. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the next match?”
Komi’s grin grew wider. “Sorry, sorry. We couldn’t help it.”
Konoha joined in. “Yeah. We don’t get to see this side of Akaashi very often.”
Bokuto hummed. “That’s true. He doesn’t get upset very often.” The others exchanged knowing glances.
“Sure.” Konoha smirked. “Anyway, let’s go get ready!”
Bokuto cocked his head a bit at Konoha’s tone, but didn’t bother chasing it up. After all, they had a big match to prepare for.
He glanced back to see Akaashi fanning his face, giving a light slap to both his cheeks. He shrugged it off and headed to the shower.
.
.
.
“Bokuto-san, how about you take a break and calm down.”
“I AM calm!”
“...at least go get some water while I do some serving practice.”
Everyone else threw slight, unimpressed glances as Bokuto stomped towards the corner of the gym, grumbling something stupid about how he only kept spiking the ball out of bounds because he was the strongest spiker in the country or…something like that. He unceremoniously collapsed onto the bench and took a long swig of water. It kind of helped, taking some time to sit and breathe. Once again, he felt like Akaashi knew him better than he knew himself. Sarukui flopped down beside him and stretched his legs.
“Are you good now, ace?”
“I’m always good.”
Sarukui blinked. “Right.”
Bokuto observed Akaashi’s serve for a moment, as consistent and clean as ever. “Hey, Saru. You guys know all my weaknesses pretty well, right?” Saru looked up from his drink.
“Well, yeah I suppose so. Not as well as Akaashi does though.”
“And how about him? Do you know his weaknesses?”
For a moment Sarukui’s face was serious with thought. “Yeah, I think so.”
“4.”
“Hmm?”
“Akaashi has 4 weaknesses.” Bokuto asserted. “I know the first 3, but I can’t put my finger on the last one.” It was the hesitance, the nerve. It didn’t fit into the perfectionism, or the sense of responsibility. Sometimes he felt Akaashi had some secret knowledge that he didn’t; like they were being spied on, or like he knew that if they lost this match the coach would execute them or something. Well, probably nothing like that. But just recently the jumpiness had begun to play on his thoughts. “Do you know it?”
Sarukui fought a smile. “Everyone does Bokuto. Except maybe you.”
“What? What is it, tell me!”
“It’s none of my business.”
Bokuto grumbled and glanced around. “Washio!” The middle blocker turned his way with furrowed brows. “You know Akaashi’s weaknesses right? Tell me what they are.”
His furrowed brows grew tighter. “Why? Do you wanna blackmail him or something?”
“No!” He was growing increasingly frustrated at the lack of cooperation. “I just want to know. Akaashi knows everything about me. I want to be able to help him out too, for the sake of our team! I swear, there’s something I’m missing and I don’t know what to do about it.” The other two exchanged eye contact.
“Bokuto, have you ever thought about how Akaashi acts around you? Have you ever watched?”
“Of course I have. We see each other every day.”
Sarukui let out a small sigh and clapped him on the shoulder. “Maybe you should pay a little closer attention.” And with that the two went back to practice.
.
.
.
The earlier conversation kept repeating in his mind, as did the deeply unsatisfying answers from his teammates. He watched Akaashi all day. He paid close attention, to the point that the setter had to turn to avoid meeting his gaze a few times. He watched how Akaashi interacted with the rest of the team, honest and straightforward as ever. He didn’t catch any glimpses of that other thing, though. Nothing was out of character.
He was getting nowhere. This called for more direct measures.
“AKAAASHIII!” The setter flinched. “Let’s go for dinner!”
“Oh, okay sure. What do you wanna eat?”
Bokuto hummed in thought. “Sushi?”
“Sure.”
And just like that the two made their way to the nearest sushi restaurant as proclaimed by Akaashi’s google maps. Bokuto naturally headed towards an empty booth in the back. Whenever they were close to the door, window or even the fan in the gym, Akaashi tended to shiver like crazy. Bokuto was the opposite, but he didn’t mind. They were still in their kits and jackets so it’s not like it would be particularly warm.
“What can I get you?” The waiter approached.
Bokuto felt compelled to guess Akaashi’s order. He wanted to prove to himself that he knew Akaashi as well as Akaashi knew him.
“I’ll have some rice and gyoza.”
Bokuto blinked.
“And for you sir?”
“Uh, sashimi and nigiri please.”
The waiter took their menus as Bokuto lowered his head, brows furrowed. Akaashi glanced up at him from his phone.
“Bokuto-san, what’s up?”
“You ordered gyoza at a sushi restaurant.” Akaashi stared back with a blank look. “Why would you come to a sushi restaurant and not order sushi?”
Akaashi looked back down. “I don’t really like sushi all that much.”
“Huh? But…” Bokuto sat back and folded his arms. But we always go to sushi restaurants. Do I…do I not know Akaashi at all?
“Food’s here.” Bokuto quickly straightened his posture and thanked the waiter. He picked up his own chopsticks and watched as Akaashi broke his into two slightly uneven halves, giving them a rub to remove any splinters. Wordlessly he offered his own, more cleanly split pair across the table and took Akaashi’s in return. The setter thanked him, a slight smile on his face. Bokuto watched, tapping his nails on the table, as he picked up a gyoza.
“Ah!” He exclaimed, causing Akaashi to nearly drop his food into the soy sauce with a start. “You don’t like sushi! I’ve never once seen you eat sushi. You told me last year, you don’t like the texture.”
“Um…yeah, that’s right.”
“Then why is it that you agree to come to sushi places with me all the time? You even had a folder of the best sushi places on Maps.”
Akaashi looked up at him, a hint of unease. “Because you like sushi.”
With that, he went back to eating. He had said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe it was, because why else would he go to a sushi restaurant if he didn’t like sushi? But Bokuto couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole way through dinner. He didn’t know why, or what it was, but something about it made his heart sting a little.
After they finished, Akaashi went to pay the bill whilst Bokuto took his jacket and stood near the door. The rare silence that hung between them had felt louder than usual today. Maybe it was him. He began to think back on all their other dinner outings, and all he could remember was himself talking about something stupid and Akaashi listening. He stared at his reflection in the window and smoothed out his shirt a little.
No. 4. Number 4.
Holy hell. It's me. I’m his weakness number 4.
“Bokuto-san, are you ready to go?”
He whipped his head up. “Uh? Oh, yeah.”
The walk back to the inn was again noticeably quiet. He wanted Akaashi to say something this time. He knew that Akaashi was a somewhat reserved person, but he never had trouble telling Fukurodani what he thought was best and what he wanted to do. So why with him was it different?
“Akaashi, let’s go to a gyoza place tomorrow.”
His teammate looked up, slightly bewildered. “Sure, okay.”
Back to silence.
…
“So…how did the serving practice go?”
Akaashi tried to fight back an expression that said you should know, you were staring at me the whole time, and replied with a simple “it was fine. I need to work on my power though, I can’t hit a service ace like you can.”
“Your serves are perfect!” Bokuto blurted out.
“Huh?”
“I told you earlier, didn’t I? You should stop comparing yourself to other players. You’re good. You’re great.”
Akaashi’s eyes widened a little before he averted his gaze, reaching the back of his hand up to press against his cheek. “I know. But I still need to improve.”
Bokuto felt bad for a split second about his outburst. Did he scare him? Akaashi looked nervous again. Was he too loud?
“I’m sorry.”
“What? What are you sorry for?”
Bokuto’s footsteps slowed to a halt, and Akaashi quickly noticed and stopped a little ahead of him. “It’s me. I’m causing you problems. You come to sushi restaurants when you don’t like sushi, you’re quiet around me, you never tell me to shut up. Hell, this morning I made you cry when all you wanted was to be alone after the game.”
Akaashi’s brows furrowed. “Bokuto-san, I–”
“I’m your weakness. You’re always accommodating me and I never even stopped to think about how you felt. You’re the kindest person I know. I don’t know why you-”
Bokuto’s breath was taken away when he saw the expression on Akaashi’s face. His eyes were wide, cheeks flushed, lip quivering ever so slightly. I’ve done it again, he thought. What’s wrong with me? “I’m sorry…I’m sorry!”
And with that he sprinted off towards the dorm, ignoring Akaashi’s voice calling after him. He ignored the inn manager and the coach and the managers and his teammates’ questions and crawled beneath a table, dragging a futon over his head. By the time Akaashi took off his shoes and walked into the dorm, Konoha was already stood outside the bedroom with a questioning expression.
“Hey Akaashi, what’s up with him this time?”
“I…I’m not sure.”
Konoha’s eyes widened a little. “You…don’t know? It’s a new one on your list?” Akaashi nodded solemnly before following the others into the bedroom. What the hell is going on, Konoha thought.
By the time Bokuto had woken up, a few of his teammates, including Akaashi, were missing, presumably going for a jog or at morning practice. He crawled out from beneath the table and headed downstairs for a quick breakfast.
“Oh, Bokuto,” Konoha greeted, “I’m surprised you’re still here.”
He slumped down into a dining chair with a sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me how much of a jerk I am?”
Konoha blinked. “Huh?”
“Weakness number 4. Why didn’t you guys tell me it was me?”
“Ah!” Konoha cleared his throat. “So you figured it out. Sorry, man. It wouldn’t be right for us to tell you. You know how Akaashi is. He’s a private person, he’d never forgive us.”
“But if you had just told me I could’ve stopped bothering him. All this time I didn’t realise how much of a selfish jerk I was.”
“Well yeah I mean…huh? Bokuto…what do you think weakness number 4 is?”
Bokuto looked him dead in the eye. “Me, I’m weakness number 4. I’m loud, I’m overdramatic and he puts up with me because he doesn’t want to mess up the team dynamic. I’ve been taking advantage of his kindness this whole time.”
Konoha suppressed a smile. “Bokuto, I think you’re misunderstanding weakness number 4.”
“Hm? What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying, I think you should confront your weakness number 5.”
.
.
.
Bokuto headed over to the gym for some solo practice around midday. For the most part he avoided Akaashi, who had been practising his sets with the other spikers when he arrived anyway. Everyone noticed it, but the vibe was weird. Bokuto went into emo mode pretty often, and Akaashi had always had contingency plans for that. But this time he didn’t know what to do, and neither did the others. Not just Bokuto, but Akaashi himself seemed off.
Spiking always helped get his frustrations out, so as usual that was what Bokuto did. He timed his jump to the set and whacked the ball with every ounce of power he had. It resounded tremendously as it hit the floor, and then the wall, and went flying off somewhere behind him. He chased after its path before it was scooped up by a pair of slender hands.
“Here.” Akaashi offered it to him.
“...Thanks.” He took the ball and stood there for a second. Before Akaashi could open his mouth, Bokuto turned and threw the ball back into its place before announcing he was going to grab a drink from the vending machine.
Washio walked up behind Akaashi and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Go talk to him. As usual, you’re the only one of us who can.” Akaashi closed his eyes and let out a sigh before walking towards the gym door.
Bokuto punched his order into the vending machine forcefully, before leaning down to grab his drinks and change. He cursed himself for making things as awkward as he did.
“Bokuto-san?” He froze momentarily, before continuing his procedure and standing up. He threw a yoghurt drink towards Akaashi, who caught it with ease. “Thanks.”
Bokuto took a long swig of water before wiping his mouth. “I did it again today. Sorry for making things weird.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I made you uncomfortable.”
“Bokuto-san-”
“I’ll stop from now on, I swear I won’t-”
“Shut up.”
…
“Huh?”
Akaashi scratched the back of his neck. “You said I don’t tell you to shut up enough, so I’m telling you to shut up. Let me speak.” Bokuto nodded, somewhat taken aback. Akaashi took a deep breath. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you the past few days but you’re overthinking things. I don’t know why, or what caused this, but it’s starting to worry me. And not just me, everyone else too.”
“Yeah, I've realised that I’m the problem.” Bokuto declared. “I stress you out. I pressure you. Why else would you practice for hours every day with me when everyone else has finished?”
“Because I’m your setter, and you’re in your third year, and I don’t want to regret losing a single match in your final tournament.”
“Okay, but why do you never tell me to stop talking and talk about stuff you wanna talk about?”
“Because I like listening to the things you talk about.”
“...Okay, but why would you go to a sushi restaurant with me when you don’t like sushi?”
“Because you like sushi.”
He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and maybe it was.
“Everything you do is because of me. Don’t you resent me at least a little bit for that?”
“Resent you? Bokuto-san, I…I-” He once again brought a hand up to his cheek. Bokuto reached forward and grasped it in his own, pulling it away. Akaashi avoided his eyes, and once again Bokuto noticed how flushed his face looked. But this time he wasn’t going to back down, because if Akaashi was telling the truth then he didn’t have to worry anymore. He needed to hear the truth.
“You what?”
“Are you really going to make me say it?”
“Say what?”
“That I…” his voice dropped a few levels. “I like you. Not in a teammate way. Not in a friend way. I love, like, uh-” he started stammering, and Bokuto dropped his bottle of water.
Oh. Oh.
As Akaashi continued to fumble for words, a weird sensation bubbled in Bokuto’s throat, eventually erupting into laughter. Akaashi flinched and went to step backwards, but Bokuto had a firm grip on his hand. “I’m sorry! I am.” He eventually contained himself. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m not. I’m laughing at me.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because I thought I made you hate me, but instead you…” The smile dropped from his face. “You like me?!”
“Please don’t shout that so loudly!”
“Sorry! I just…what?”
It was Akaashi’s turn to chuckle at Bokuto’s expression. “You know, Bokuto-san, you’re really bad at reading people. You know me so well, you always look out for me and yet you found it more logical to assume that I hated you than liked you.”
“Well yeah! I just...oh my god, everyone knew except me?”
Akaashi nodded solemnly. “Literally everyone.”
Bokuto hung his head against Akaashi’s chest. “I’m sorry. Man, I really have a thick skull.”
“I know, it’s okay.”
Bokuto looked up at Akaashi’s face and was hit by a sudden realisation of how close they were. He took a few frantic steps backwards. Akaashi cleared his throat. “I never expected you to like me back anyway. That’s why I never told you, I told the others-”
Akaashi paused when he noticed how red Bokuto’s cheeks were. His heart skipped a momentary beat. He frantically turned away and took a sip of the yoghurt drink he was given. “I, um…”
He felt a strong pair of arms wrap around him, as Bokuto’s chin rested on his shoulder.
“Akaashi, you know all my weaknesses right?”
He cleared his throat again. “I uh…yep.”
“But you never figured out that you were one of them?”
“What?”
He took Akaashi’s hands into his own, and noticed how they were a little shaky. So were his. “Mm. So…don’t let me take you for sushi anymore. Because you like gyoza. And I like you.”
“Bokuto-san, maybe you should think a little more-”
He froze when Bokuto lifted his hand up and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles.
“Shut up. Gyoza.”
Akaashi smiled. “Okay. Gyoza.”