Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“jojo! are you ready? our reservation is in like 10 minutes!!” caesar yelled as he tugged on his boots.
“yeah! yeah, give me a second! putting on my jacket!” joseph called back. he shoved open the door to their room and rushed down the stairs. somehow, though, he stumbled, and yelped as he fell downwards. lucky for him, his lovely partner had quick instincts and caught him moments before he made contact with the floor. caesar sighed as he propped joseph back up onto his feet. joseph smiled sheepishly.
“the stair snakes must have gotten me.”
caesar had to laugh at that.
“yeah, sure, idiota.” he rolled his eyes and kissed joseph’s cheek. “put on your shoes and let’s go.”
~
the late summer sunsets in rome were truly lovely. a cool breeze gently brushed the shoulders of the pair, walking down the road, fingers interlaced. they had eaten a classic italian dinner, accompanied by fine wine and beautiful tiramisu for dessert. now, their stomachs and hearts were full as they made their way towards their favorite park built into a street corner.
“you know, i think it was around this time of year that we met.” caesar remarked as the pair sat on a well-loved bench in the back of the park, underneath a large tree. joseph turned to look at caesar, admiring how the light from the setting sun trickled through the leaves and cast tiny shadows and spotlights on his face.
“it was, wasn’t it?” joseph said dreamily, entranced by the beautiful man in front of him. he rested his head on caesar’s shoulder, and let out a content sigh. this… was his life now. and he couldn’t quite believe it. joseph smiled and wrapped his arms around his partner. caesar smiled and placed an arm around joseph, kissing the top of his head.
“you’re so cute.”
joseph giggled. the man of his dreams thought he was cute. unreal.
“i’m so lucky to have you.”
caesar rested his head on top of joseph’s.
“hey, jojo.”
“mmm?” joseph mumbled, still kind of in a dreamy mood.
“i’ve got something for you.”
joseph raised his head. his eyes sparkled. caesar reached down for his bag and dug around, pulling out a square box wrapped in brown paper and tied with a golden ribbon. he placed it in joseph’s hands. joseph looked at him, his face glowing.
“y-you didn’t have to-“
caesar shushed him playfully.
“open it.”
“okay, okay.” joseph giggled. he untied the ribbon and ripped away the paper. inside there was a cardboard box with a star print all over it.
“aww, a box! you know me so well!” joseph laughed and softly punched caesar’s arm.
“idiota. open the box!” caesar punched joseph back. joseph lifted the lid of the box. he pulled out a small gray cat plushie, with a green scarf around his neck and a purple and orange headband on his head.
joseph’s scarf, and caesar’s headband. tears pricked at the corners of joseph’s eyes. he grinned and threw his arms around caesar.
“i love it.”
“i knew you would.”

Chapter Text

with an evil grin, caesar dipped the final tomato into the molten chocolate. he placed it on the wax paper, along with the many other chocolate tomatoes disguised as chocolate truffles. as the chocolate hardened, he thought about how easy it would be to prank joseph and suzie. they absolutely loved chocolate, and suzie’s favorite kind was chocolate truffles. caesar snickered to himself. this would be absolutely perfect payback for joseph and suzie putting fake spiders all over him in his sleep. caesar plucked each chocolate tomato from the wax paper, placing them one by one into a bowl of actual truffles, and carefully mixing them together to expertly disguise the tomatoes. as he threw away the tomato container, the door opened. 

“caesar, we’re home!” suzie called as she and joseph stepped inside. 

“welcome home, miei cari!” he called back. “i made some truffles!”

suzie squealed delightfully. she ran into the kitchen, kissed caesar on the cheek, and grabbed a truffle. caesar watched in what felt like gleeful slow motion as she bit into the candy, but to his dismay, it was a regular truffle and her face lit up. 

“oh, these are delicious!! jojo, come try!!”

caesar silently begged to the universe that joseph got a tomato. he reached into the bowl, and popped a truffle into his mouth. his face turned sour. caesar doubled over laughing as joseph spit the tomato into the trash. 

“what the bloody hell was that?” joseph said, grabbing a glass of water to rinse his mouth from the horrible combination of chocolate and tomatoes. caesar wiped a tear from his eye. 

“oh, oh jojo, that was a tomato!” he wheezed. suzie stifled a laugh. joseph groaned exasperatedly. 

“really?”

caesar steadied himself on the counter, still giggling. 

“your reaction was impeccable.”

joseph huffed and crossed his arms, but a slight smile cracked through. 

“you’re evil.”

“you know you love me.” caesar sidled up to him and nudged his shoulder. 

“maybe i do, but that doesn’t make you less evil.”

caesar smiled smugly and kissed the top of joseph’s hand. 

~

“shhh!! be quiet, suzie! he’ll wake up!” joseph shushed her as the two giggled quietly. they tiptoed to the couch, where caesar was fast asleep. suzie slowly unzipped her makeup bag, and rooted around for her eyeliner. she pulled it out and handed it to joseph with a huge smug grin. joseph took the eyeliner and drew a huge mustache on caesar’s upper lip. suzie took her lipstick and messily slathered it on his lips. she covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. joseph loudly shushed her, trying to stop laughing himself. he took suzie’s eyeshadow and started brushing bright purple eyeshadow all over caesar’s eyes. 

“this is for the tomato chocolate…” he whispered. caesar twitched in his sleep, making joseph jump. suzie almost laughed out loud, but joseph clapped a hand over her mouth to shush her. 

“suzie!! you’re gonna wake him up!” he laughed quietly. the two kept doodling on caesar’s face, until they thought their work was satisfactory. they quietly high-fived and tiptoed away to let caesar finish sleeping. soon, they heard sounds of stirring. caesar groaned as he sat up. he peeked over the edge of the couch at joseph and suzie, who were making dinner and trying their absolute hardest to ignore him. 

“what are you making? smells good…” caesar mumbled as he walked to the kitchen and plopped his head on top of joseph’s shoulder. joseph almost imploded from trying not to laugh. 

“m-pffftt-making some- hhhnnngg- some tomato soup.”

caesar was too tired to notice that joseph was barely holding it together. he yawned and walked over to suzie and gave her a quick hug before going back to sit on the couch. as he walked to the couch, the mirror on the wall next to the couch caught his eye. he did a double take. 

“…joseph joestar.”

joseph’s entire body stiffened. 

“suzie q.”

a shudder ran up suzie’s spine. 

“what. the hell. did you do to my face.” 

“whaaaat? what are you talking about?” joseph laughed nervously. 

“yeah… there’s nothing on your face, darling!” suzie nodded quickly. caesar looked back in the mirror, and looked back at them. he cracked his knuckles and started running. joseph and suzie screamed playfully and ran away from him. 

“JOJO!!!!! SUZIE!!!!! WHERE ARE THE MAKEUP WIPES??!??” caesar screamed as he chased the two through their house. suzie and joseph were almost falling over laughing. they finally all ran into their shared bedroom, and caesar tackled suzie and joseph onto the bed. 

“evil. you’re both so evil.” he finally laughed.