Chapter Text
Naruto’s phone buzzed.
Sexsuke:
— Hey, Naruto.
— Tomorrow. 8PM. Ichiraku.
— Got urgent news.
Naruto squinted at the screen, thumb already flying across the keyboard as he weaved through the foot traffic on campus.
o Sas, I have three exams today, don’t bother, thanks.
o Love u, don’t resent me.
o Talk to your goth ass at 9PM.
A second later:
Sexsuke:
— Got it. Better get the highest GPA or be prepared to be my slave for the entire semester.
Choji leaned over, shamelessly reading the screen. “Yeah, Sas, I love youuuuu,” he teased in a mocking whisper.
Naruto side-eyed him. “Choji, invading my personal space to check my messages is gayer, so stfu.”
Across the library table, Tenten rolled her eyes. “Children,” she sighed. “Stop talking about gayness like it’s the cock you want to keep gagging on and start studying. I don’t want to hear either of you crying about getting violated by the McExam in ten minutes.”
Like a chanting, the professor’s voice pierced the air with grim finality.
“Students, put away your notes. The exam starts now. The more you delay, the less time you’ll have.”
“Fuuuuck,” Naruto groaned, shoving his papers into a chaotic stack as panic sank in.
________________________________________
[Two agonizing hours later]
“How was it?” Choji asked, laughing through the pain as they stumbled out into the cool night air.
Naruto looked like he was already ascending to the skies. “Suicide is not a crime. It’s an option.”
Choji chuckled, then squinted at the time. “What would your boo say if you suddenly died? Anyways wasn’t tonight your ramen date night? You’re, like, an hour late.”
Naruto froze mid-step. “Fuuuuck. See you later, Choji!”
As Naruto bolted down the sidewalk, Choji stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and shook his head. “What a love life, huh?”
________________________________________
Ichiraku Ramen – 10:12 PM
Naruto skid to a breathless halt outside the ramen shop
“Darliiiing, I’m finally here! Don’t kill me!”
Sasuke stood with his arms crossed, his mood set on ‘judging you silently,’ and the kind of bombastic side-eye only a true Uchiha could deliver. A tall girl stood beside him, hair pinned flawlessly, posture sharp, cheekbones criminally sculpted, and her coat was nicer than anything Naruto had ever owned.
Naruto blinked. “Wait, who’s this beauty?”
Sasuke’s tone was flat, neutral. Too formal?. “Naruto, this is Lara. My girlfriend.”
Badum. Badum.
He kept going like he hadn’t just thrown a bomb.
“Lara, my idiotic best friend.”
Naruto extended a hand, going into automatic pilot. Lara gripped it with the confidence “Sorry to steal him from you,” a teasing glint in her eye. “Never saw myself as a mistress.”
Badum. Badum.
Naruto let out a laugh. Too high-pitched. Too loud. Too something. “Believe me… I’m the most surprised right now.”
________________________________________
Later That Night
Naruto lay on his bed, the ceiling an unmoving canvas of what-the-hell-just-happened.
Did Sasuke really just drop a girlfriend on him like that?
Okay, sure. Not surprising that Sasuke got a girlfriend. The guy had looks, trauma that came with an air of mystery that made people want to fix him. That combo? Catnip.
But when did this even happen? Naruto lived with him. Ate with him. Hell, did laundry for him (that little bitch). How do you hide a whole-ass relationship in a two-bedroom apartment?
And maybe in all this pondering—just maybe—Naruto wasn’t letting himself ask: why do I feel like shit? like I ate nothing for 2 days?
He groaned, pulling a pillow over his face.
No. Nope. Not tonight. No identity crises before ramen. We could do this tomorrow or maybe day after tomorrow. Later. Or not?. Naruto would rather focus on what he could control: boiling the perfect eggs, slicing that tomato salad just the way Sasuke liked it, and kicking his ass in Call of Duty on Sunday.
“Naruto! Open the fucking door!”
He jumped.
The pounding hadn’t even registered until it became impossible to ignore. Naruto scrambled out of bed and yanked the door open.
“Jesus—chill, dude. I thought you were staying over at your girlfriend’s.”
Sasuke stood there, shoulders tense, eyes sharp with something Naruto couldn’t read.
“I just called a taxi for her,” he said, clipped. “I’m not a fuckboy like a certain someone.”
Naruto blinked. “Hey, what the hell?”
Sasuke exhaled through his nose. “Sorry. That was out of line.”
Naruto stared at him for a beat before pulling back, just enough to give space.
“Yeah, well... I’ve had one girlfriend. And I broke up with her because someone wouldn’t shut up about how much they disliked her.” His voice pitched upward, mocking: “‘That’s why I never got the chance, asshole. So fuckboy?’”
Sasuke didn’t respond right away. This wasn’t the direction he expected things to go.
“I thought…”
“You thought wrong, idiot.”
Naruto huffed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Anyway. Let’s not spiral. It’s not something I’m exactly proud to announce, y’know? Being twenty-three, hot as hell, and still a virgin.”
He wiggled his eyebrows for emphasis, the smirk blooming on his lips exaggerated for cover.
Sasuke smiled—actually smiled. “If it comforts you... I’m also a virgin.”
“No way. I see you waited for your bro.”
Cue the second bombastic side-eye of the night. Sasuke didn’t even dignify it with words.
Naruto’s grin faltered, softening at the edges. “But hey… what was that with Lara?”
“What that?”
“I don’t know. It just… felt uncomfortable, I guess.” Naruto paused, chewing his words. Can I say it? He’s my best friend, right? “I was surprised. Like, out of nowhere you had a girlfriend. Not even a heads-up like, ‘Yo, I’m dating someone. She might steal your half of the bed.’”
Sasuke tilted his head, leaning against the doorframe. “I get it. You feel like you might lose me?”
“Huh?”
“I mean… it’s normal. I felt like shit when you were dating too.”
“Normal?” Naruto laughed, but it wasn’t mean. “I think we’re just weird.”
The grin on his face this time was real. Brighter. More vivid. “But hey, I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s felt like shit.”
Sasuke shrugged. “Ah, no. You’re the only one. I’m thriving.”
Naruto snorted.
“But yeah… it sucked for me, back then,” Sasuke continued, quieter now. “The difference is, I was honest with Lara. I told her my friendships weren’t optional. That they were everything. Especially you.”
Naruto blinked. The air between them shifted—dense, humming.
“...Naruto,” Sasuke said, voice steady, gaze firm, “I would literally die for you.”
And just like that, one sentence killed him and revived him all at once.