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“So, this was…” John starts once the two of them are well and truly sated, Lucy curled up in his arms, feeling once again like he was well, home.
“A mistake…” Lucy smiles at him “A very fun, but not going to happen again, mistake.”
“Right…yeah…” John says as she get’s up and heads to the shower, and then he replays the last six months in his head, and that at the cusp of it all, his happiest moments had been with her, with Lucy.
He had been forced to grow up far too quickly, to be the grown up, the guardian, the one who shouldered everything, always, never anyone stepping in…never anyone looking truly at him, well until her.
Sure Lucy was fun, playful, and christ was she a firecracker in bed, but she was also fiercely protective, even with them not actually being together anymore today, she made sure he was looked after, that he, not the case, not the job, no, she made sure that he was going to be okay, that he understood, even in the darkest moment of his life, she still saw him and his light, and in doing so, made him see that again.
And then he realised that letting her go would be the single biggest mistake of his life.
“I was an idiot Lu” John walks into the bathroom, needing to make sure that she could hear him.
“Well, no arguments here” Lucy laughs at him as she continues to wash herself. “But in a broad sense or anything in particular?”
“No, I mean for not fighting for us, for you, because you deserved so much more than that.”
“Okay?”
“I don’t think tonight was a mistake, I think it was a correction.”
“Not sure I’m following you here John.” Lucy frowns slightly, because yes, tonight was fun, and well, the levels of comfort that she felt when she was in his arms…there wasn’t, well she hadn’t felt that, in a long time.
“I want us again, I want you, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt about someone the way I feel about you, and I know that you feel the same Lucy, and I know this isn’t just a rebound, or a…well whatever, It’s real…the way we connect, the way we understand each other, the way we view the world, how we love…how I love you.”
“John…” Lucy sighs turning off the water “I was the rebound girl…we were never…as much as I wanted us to…”
“In order for you to have been a rebound, well then I would have had to be in love with Sarah, and I never was, not really, not in an honest sense.”
“You were married though, for almost two decades.”
“We were, because in the town we lived in, well, that’s what you did, if you got a girl pregnant, you married her, and I love my son, god of course I do, so I will never ever regret that, but I was never in love with Sarah, I am however, very much in love with you.”
“But…our careers…my career?”
“Will be safe, I will give up, I’ll wash out, I’ll go back to construction – it’s LA, do you know how much I could charge here, I’ll do what I need to, you just say the word Lucy, you just tell me that you’re ready to fight with me, for us?”
“Yeah…” Lucy nods, before yanking him into the shower “I’m ready, let’s do it!”
“I love you” John kisses Lucy as she tugs down his sweatpants “God, I love you so much Luce.”
“Love you too, with all my heart”
“We need to behave at work, no longing looks, or jealous moments, or heck even touching, unless needed” Lucy says the next morning when they are getting ready to head in “I know a lot of it is her own projection, but Bishop made some good points, we don’t need, or want anymore drama, if we can avoid it.”
“I know Luce, and as long as I get to bring you home with me, or at least meet you here, after shift, I’ll do whatever it takes”
“We’re going to be okay right?” Lucy looks at him “Promise me?”
“I will do everything in my power to make sure that we are, we just need to get through the rest of this year, and then we’re set, next power couple of the LAPD.”
“I suppose secret sex is always hotter…” Lucy moves to hug him. “And knowing that we are more than just sex…that is insanely attractive...”
“You really are perfect Lu.” Nolan smiles, wondering again, what on earth he did to deserve her. “Now, games faces on, and let’s go and fight crime.”
“And try to not kill our TO’s”
“Well, if you insist…”
“I do, I do insist!” Lucy laughs “Now work!”
And so for the next three months the kept at their secret, grabbing sweet stolen moments when they could, and then most nights spending their nights wrapped up in each other’s love. Studying for their exams, ‘sparring’, planning for a future, for their future. Sure they had disagreements, but nothing monumental, nothing real.
Until…
“She’s a serial killer John!” Lucy snaps “She doesn’t deserve outings, she doesn’t deserve anything, do you know how she killed people, the pain that they went though?”
“She’s still a human being Lucy.”
“Debatable!”
“Luce…come now be reasonable.”
“Reasonable!?” Lucy glares at him “There was nothing reasonable about today! What those women went through! The world isn’t just sunshine and rainbows John, there are pure evil people out there”
“Lucy…”
“No, do you know what, I can’t do this with you tonight, I thought I could come home and settle in the arms of my loving fiancé, get some fucking comfort, not a fight.”
“I’m not tyring to fight…come now, I’ll run us a bath?”
“No, I’m going for a walk, just…I’m going, I’ll see you later.”
John decided to give her an hour to just cool off, before going after her, as it turned out, that would be one of the worst decisions of his life.
“John?”
“Jackson, is Lu with you?” John asks four hours later, not able to reach her.
“Um no? Why would she be?”
“Um…”
“I know okay, you two are together, so I assume you’ve had a fight?”
“Yeah, and she went for a walk…”
“Fuck, and now you can’t reach her?”
“No, and I’ve driven around, I’m freaking out a bit.”
“I’ll call my dad.”
“He can’t know about us.”
“He already does! But right now Lucy is more important than anything else okay.”
“Of course, of course she is.”
“Get to the station, we’ll meet you there.”
And then it was his worst nightmare, the woman he loved more than life itself was missing. Street surveillance found her going into a grocery store…his favourite one, the one she hated because it never had stock of her favourite ice-cream, but it always had stock of his.
She was there to get him ice-cream…it was their go to “I’m sorry, let’s work, or fuck this one out”
And then there was a man injecting her with something and shoving her into the trunk of his car…a man they all now knew was Rosalind’s protégé…the fucking woman he had defended earlier, and now all he knew was rage, because if he ever saw her again, he would kill her himself, because she went too far, she took the love of his love from him.
“She’s not dead yet Nolan.” Nyla grabs his arm, the rest of the station in a flat panic, Bradford even more so than anyone could have seen coming “This is Chen, she’s going to fight to come home to you okay.”
“How?”
“It’s clear you two love each other, it’s clear that you are professional on the job, and who the hell am I to argue with that, but right now, you need to focus up, because we need to bring her home okay.”
Lead after lead, each on as useless as the last, and he was starting to lose hope, and then Wesley came in with a lead, a good one, a real one, and well as it turned out, for Lucy, there wasn’t a damn thing that anyone who knew her wouldn’t do, so they had helicopters and medics and now…now he was desperately trying to breath life back into her, because the truth was he would give his own, he would give anything, just for her to start breathing again, to open her eyes, for him to see her look at him again.
“John?” Lucy gasps, her throat sore, her body broken, but she was in his arms. “Am I dead?”
“No, oh god no you’re not Luce, you’re okay, fuck, you’re okay.” He held her tightly against him, rocking and crying, as she clung desperately to him, sobbing hard “I’m so sorry, I love you, I love you…you’re okay, I love you.”
It feels like years since Tim was told Lucy was alight, it feels even longer since they all realised that she was missing. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that he had been falling in love with her bit by bit, day by day. How could he not, she had helped him feel again. Standing up to him, fighting for him, protecting him.
Seeing her lifeless today shook him like nothing he could ever imagine. He never thought that he would be thankful to Nolan for anything but seeing him pull her out of that barrel over the monitor, and breath life back into her. He was going to have his and Lucy’s first child named after him, because he would never be able to thank him enough.
Heading to her hospital room, her favourite veggie burgers in hand he mentally prepared his speech, to make sure that she knew that there was no question of his love, of his feelings for her, and how there is nothing he wouldn’t do, if she would just give him a chance.
Steading himself for a moment outside her room, he couldn’t help but overhear the voices inside.
“Why are you changing her medication?” Tim hears John ask the Doctor.
“John, it’s okay, they know what they’re doing.” Lucy says softly.
“Sorry Officer Chen, I promise it’s important, she’ll change that, and then we need to talk.”
Tim feels his heart stop, what the fuck else had Caleb done to her.
“Okay?”
“Is it okay for me to speak in front of Officer Nolan, I know he’s your…”
“Yes, anything you need to say, can be said to him as well, he’s, my partner.”
Tim held his breath, not even registering the word partner – she had used that to describe them as well, partners, it was sweet how she saw connection in everything, everyone.
“Ms Chen…are you aware that you’re pregnant?”
Tim saw red he was going to resurrect Caleb and kill him again, he had raped Lucy before trying to kill her!
“Oh Luce…” Nolan says softly, and Tim can’t understand why he wasn’t outraged, and then finally reality hit him…it took weeks before you would know that someone was pregnant.
“I didn’t…John, I didn’t know, I promise you.”
“Hey, that’s okay baby, that’s okay.” John says “Um, how…how far along?”
“I’d say around eight weeks, but we’ve arranged for an ultrasound technician to come in and confirm it, there was a heartbeat though, when Lucy arrived.”
“A baby?”
“Yes Lucy, and clearly a little fighter like you.”
“John…we’re having a baby.”
“Good thing I proposed to you weeks ago then.” John says softly “I love you Luce, and our little miracle, so much.”
“I love you too, my perfect man, my perfect partner for life itself.”
And then Tim walked away, not able to hear more, his heart already shattered. He’d see out the rest of her training, as much as it hurt him, because well she hadn’t done anything wrong, and didn’t deserve a new TO. But then, then he would transfer, because there was no chance he could watch the woman of his dreams, live out her life with John Nolan.