Work Text:
Sometimes, Moonbyul is gripped with a sudden, crippling fear. Sometimes she has to pause and just let herself breathe and talk herself down from a panic attack. These moments are brought on with one thought.
What if I’m in this alone?
- - -
Nothing feels as right as their fingers intertwined. Yongsun’s hand is in Moonbyul’s and they’ve taken their final bow in front of their adoring fans on the music show for the day.
The lights dim and Yongsun pulls her hand away quickly, to take off her audio equipment to hand to the staff, and Moonbyul tells herself it’s because they’re being rushed. The music show ran a little late and they have a meet and greet to get to in less than an hour and there’s also hair and make-up to get to. Nobody wants to disappoint their fans.
Moonbyul tells herself all of these things even as she’s staring after Yongsun rushing down the stage’s stairs, her hand still tingling. But still the thought comes and it takes the whole ride to the next location for her to shake it away.
- - -
The thought comes again during a broadcast, when a fan asks Moonbyul to show off her best pick-up line and Moonbyul being Moonbyul, she throws her arm around Yongsun and says something about the alphabet and putting two letters together.
Hwasa and Wheein gag loudly and Yongsun shoves her away, loudly complaining about her greasiness and it’s stupid. It’s for a broadcast and they can’t really take anything they do on one seriously but Moonbyul thinks it anyway.
It doesn’t go away until the next morning when she wakes up to Wheein trying to draw on her face.
- - -
It’s stupid and high school levels of insecure and sometimes these moments linger a little too long for Moonbyul’s liking. She tells herself often it isn’t true.
Yongsun cares, that much she knows. Whatever it is they have - they never give it a name nor do they say anything out loud because they live in South Korea and because of their careers - but she thinks it shows in the way Yongsun always makes sure that their manager gets the right juice for her. It shows in the way she always offers Moonbyul the first bite of her sandwich - “You’re my official poison-tester, Byul.” - and the way she gives Moonbyul her other earphone during a long car ride. Moonbyul doesn’t really understand her choice in music but she loves when Yongsun just goes all out in trying to copy her favorite rapper.
Yongsun shows her in so many ways that whenever those doubting moments come and go, Moonbyul is always left feeling guilty and eager to make it up to an unknowing leader.
And yet.
The thought still pops up too much for Moonbyul’s liking and no matter how much she tries to squash it, it just comes back again.
“Byul,” the groggy voice breaks her out of her thoughts and Moonbyul finds herself blinking up at her ceiling. “I can hear your thinking from all the way over here.” Right, she’s supposed to be getting some sleep. They have a schedule tomorrow.
“Sorry, you must be tired,” Moonbyul says, genuinely apologetic. And then, “I mean, you have been running through my mind all day.”
There’s a groan and then a pillow comes sailing across the room to hit her square in the stomach and she lets out an emphatic “oomph.” Yongsun’s aim has definitely gotten better ever since they became roommates.
“That was awful.” Moonbyul thinks that might be a note of affection in Yongsun’s voice and it’s enough to keep that awful thought at bay. She might actually get to sleep now.
The sound of sheets rustling reaches her ears and next thing she knows, Yongsun is standing over her bed, holding her other pillow, and for a moment, Moonbyul thinks this might be the night when she finally gets smothered to death but then Yongsun is crawling in between her and the wall and Moonbyul can do nothing but let out a small sound of protest and confusion.
“I sleep better near the wall,” is Yongsun’s only explanation. She pulls Moonbyul’s arm around her and within seconds, is fast asleep.
Moonbyul stares and stares and stares until she feels like her heart is about to swell out of her chest. Her lips curl up into a smile and that’s how she falls asleep. She knows for certain now.