Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Every season was perfect in its own way. The Autumn had gentle breezes, ones that left you slightly chilly but cradled you nonetheless. The leaves changed from green to hues of orange, red, and yellow. They fell off the trees by the day adding to the mystique. There was the unforgettable buzzing of a new school year, the children wearing their new clothes, comparing summer trips, hugging their friends gone far too long.

Winter had snow that blanketed every surface, the pale whiteness of it changed the way the small town of Wiskayok looked, even if only for a day. It had mornings spent listening to the radio waiting for the weather woman to announce the schools free from learning that day. Nights spent curled up clutching hot chocolate in hand.

Spring had lovely birds that chirped at just the right volume and melody to be the perfect wake up. It had blooming flowers that brought a color to the world that was completely white and bare not a few months before. There was a warmth known only in the sunlight that was meant to be basked in.

Then there was Summer, it only officially started when Jackie glanced over at her alarm, blissfully silent for the first time in one hundred and eighty days. She hadn’t even realized how freeing it would be for the damn machine to be quiet on a weekday. It blinked the time back at her like it hadn’t heard her groan and trudge out of bed for the past four years, angrily slapping her palm on it to make it quiet.

Summer break had finally arrived, and while Jackie could pretend like the hot sun that gave her a great tan, and the excuse to eat ice cream more than was likely healthy, and the control over her sleep schedule was the reason she loved it so, the true reason was always she was free from school.

High school, over and done with it. In a few months time she would be decorating her dorm with Shauna at Rutgers, they had to be on the same page this summer and hopefully their year going forward, since they would be sharing. Jackie had scoped every magazine she could find in the town, even some with questionable tastes purely for Shauna’s sake. Pink and green was the color palette she had decided on finally. It was going to be blue and white two weeks ago but the sophisticated look the magazines claimed it was just didn’t feel right.

Pink was light, feminine, while green was rustic, symbolized nature, the two would blend together but left room for authenticity from each other. She was going to let that decision sit with her for another week before telling Shauna. She didn't want to upset her by changing it again. She could just picture it, soft pink bed sheets on her side, green on Shauna’s, the posters scattered on their walls, the books piled at the ends of their beds. A small sleepy smile breaks out on her face at the thought. They would get to do everything together, go to parties, meet new people, attend new classes (though she was sure Shauna would be in more advanced ones so maybe not). The point was that high school ending marked new beginnings, this was its own in a way. A beginning of a new stage of her and Shauna’s friendship.

“Jackie?” A knock came from her door, removing her from her dreamy haze. Her door opened and her father stood in the doorway, “Have you packed yet?”

“Almost.” She replied, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, her voice slightly hoarse.

“I’d like to leave by this afternoon, be ready by.” He checked his watch.“3 PM.”

She nodded and with that he closed the door.

Another thing to look forward to, summer at the Taylor’s Summer Camp. Jackie had been going since she was young, which was to be expected considering her parents ran the camp. She had grown up in those woods, knew the cabins like the back of her hand, the smell of sunscreen and pine so familiar. Though the camp didn’t start until Sunday and today was Thursday she had to be there with her parent’s to get everything ready. The other counselors arrived on Friday mid afternoon, that’s when she would see Shauna again. Maybe it was a bit pathetic the way she looked forward to it after seeing her at graduation the previous day, whatever.

She pulled herself from her bed, removing herself from the soft mattress she would miss dearly for the next few months. She knew her parent’s had a real house on the campground but she needed to prove to the other counselors she was just as capable as they were. If that meant spending every night in a cabin that lacked any real heating, cooling, or reliable lighting then she would do it with a glittering smile.

She prologued packing to savor her last shower before being stuck in those bathrooms that were not cleaned as frequently as she liked and that could reach something close to warm water but never quite there. She said goodbye to the water pressure and heat before twisting the shower handle off.

Of course even if she was changing her lifestyle to prove herself she could slightly better the quality of her stay. she told herself this as she was stuffing her comforter and pillows into a bag. She had rolled down some of her favorite posters and placed them carefully away with all the other valuables she was bringing, praying they didn’t get crushed on the drive. Her clothing suitcase overfilled with her belongings, she huffed as she refolded them twice before successfully zipping it shut.

By the time her mother called up to her announcing it was time for them to leave, she had a suitcase packed, a trash bag of blankets and sheets, and two smaller bags slung over her shoulders with everything she could ever need or want out in the woods.

The drive to the camp was pleasant, the heat of summer felt even through the windows of the car. Music from the radio drifted and Jackie swayed her head delicately in time with it. The town of Wiskayok bled away into open roads. The trees slowly began to envelope the three as they drove, almost as a hug.

An hour or so later the streets grew smaller, the road more rocky, and the car slowed as it approached the sign marking the entrance of the camp. “Taylor’s Summer Camp” carved into the wood overtop of them. Not a very original name but all the good ones had been taken. The car came to a stop and she stretched her limbs, she walked to the trunk opening it and tried pulling out her suitcase, after some trial and error it came loose. Once it had solid footing she got her other belongings.

“Darling, are you sure you can carry all those?” Her mother had lowered her sunglasses and was staring skeptically at Jackie, trying and failing to hold her bags all at once with a tight smile plastered to her face, hoping it carried all the false confidence she could muster.

“Yes.” Her voice trailed off towards the end as her suitcase lost balance and toppled forward, in an attempt to get it she grabbed it, making one of her smaller bags fall off her shoulder and slide down her arm. She huffed as she repositioned everything.

Twenty minutes later she stood in one of the cabins. They weren’t overtly large, they had high ceilings, a rustic look (though that was to be expected because it was a cabin). There were two main rooms filled with bunk beds, a room on the left near the entrance with storage cubbies for the camper’s things. She would have to remember to walk to the Arts & Crafts Cabin soon to get tape and a sharpie so campers could label them.

In the second communal bedroom there was a small sitting area with two bean bags and three doors. One was an emergency exit for the campers, or an anytime exit for her, Another led to a tiny bathroom with a toilet and a sink, she dreaded she would be the one cleaning it for the next two months, the last room was her bedroom.

She pushed the door open and heard it creak in response. Instead of two beds she was accustomed to there was a third, leaving the room with a sort of cramped feeling. That meant her and Shauna would have another counselor with them. It didn’t upset her per se, it’s just that this was her and Shauna’s summer, not her, Shauna, and some other girl. She was probably kind and would be a great edition.

She settled her bags on the bed closest to the door, probably best to be readily available to the campers, she did after all have the most experience. She mentally assigned Shauna the bed next to her, it’s not like she had to stay there, it would just be nice.

She collapsed back on the mattress, stiffer than what she was used to and the addition of her bags already on it didn’t help. Jackie wasn’t sure how long she laid there, the bags digging into her back and the quiet chirps of birds audible from the window.

Eventually she got up and began the process of unpacking. There was always something so relaxing about making an empty space her own. The walls of the cabin were plain wood and the pillows and sheets a soft cream, not ugly, just lacking personality.

The first to go was the sheets, replaced by baby blue and a flower comforter. She unpacked her clothes in the dresser next to her bed, making sure to carefully fold them and organize them based on what article of clothing they were, color, and style. She set out a mirror on top of the dresser, magazines, sunscreen, a hairbrush, along with other nick-nacks. The posters she unwrapped slowly, trying her best to leave them in perfect condition. It took some time but she found the right way to arrange them. The last were the pictures, most of them were her and Shauna, some were of her family, some were other friends. They showed a scattering of her memories, the perfect moments captured forever. She stuck some on the mirror, others on the wall.

By the time she had emptied her bags, stuck them in her suitcase, and pushed it under the bed the sun hung lower in the sky. She glanced at her watch. About half an hour until 6. Her parent’s lived almost two miles away from the camp. They had insisted while owning the camp they wouldn’t live in something like a cabin. So they had bought a house separate from the camp, she had tried to persuade them to stay, that had a spare cabin after all there was no reason to be so solitary, they were polite but steadfast in their disagreement. For tonight and tomorrow she would have to make the walk up to the house to get meals. It was a good idea to get used to walking more, those kids had more energy than any sane person should have, child or not.

Around forty minutes later she knocked on the front door, she felt a bit foolish knocking on the door of her own house. One of them, though she never spent much time here, she liked it quite a bit more than the others they owned.

“We were almost worried you wouldn’t make it. Come on in, your mother is setting dinner on the table as we speak.”

The house was smaller than their main one, the rooms less lavish, it felt refreshing sometimes. She could see her mother had dusted, the most care the house had gotten in almost a year, she picked up a picture frame and swiped at the forgotten remains. Her father led her into the dining room, which had a simple wooden table with six chairs. Each place sat with porcelain plates, carved cups, the silverware straight. It didn’t match the rusticity of the forest. She took a seat diagonally from her mother where her food was placed.

“Are you sure you want to stay in the cabin?” Her mother asked once everyone was situated.

“Yes, it will be nice to get used to it.”

“It’s just,” She sat down her fork and wiped her mouth, “you have a perfectly good bedroom here.”

“I know. It’s just everyone always thinks I get what I have because of you both. I’m grateful, I really am, but I want to prove I deserve it. I need to show them that I care about the job, and the kids.” Her voice grew more determined as she spoke.

“Oh honey, of course you do,” She smiled lovingly at Jackie before returning to eating, “How did we ever get such a daughter?”

Her mother smiled towards her father who made a sound of agreement before returning to his food. The rest of dinner was a relatively quiet affair. She hugged her parents goodbye afterwards before setting out to the cabin.

The sun cast a glow over everything which she lounged in as she walked back. She felt stupid grinning like a child and running her hand against random plants, maybe she was. Jackie would gladly be if it meant life felt this good all the time.

***

The next morning she eats breakfast with her family, showers in the too cold water, and gets the materials she needed from the Arts & Crafts Cabin. Having no tasks left she waits by the Mess Hall that is close to the parking lot (if it could even be called that, it was grass but the people who had been there before understood it was unspoken). She is practically buzzing by the time she sees other cars start to filter in.

The first to appear is Shauna. Jackie smiles brightly and runs over to her, crushing her into a hug. She laughs before reciprocating. Something about holding Shauna in her arms and her doing the same makes her feel grounded yet also entirely erratic. She lets go, the feeling in her chest quiets a little.

“Come on, I picked out your bed already and can help you with your stuff.”

Shauna’s father helped take her things out of the trunk and made her promise to write to them.

“What did you put in here?” Jackie questions as she carries a single bag with both hands.

“Just some books.”

She peeks inside. “This is at least ten!”

“Just want to make sure I have something to do.”

“You’ll be spending time with me, that’s something to do.”

“Well yeah. This is just in case." She gives her a reassuring smile.

When they arrive at the cabin Shauna notices the other empty bed.

“Am I the first one here?”

“Yes, but also the others haven’t gotten their groups yet.”

“Wait, I don't know where to be then.”

“Don’t worry, I asked my parent’s to put you with me.” Okay, Jackie reasoned she might use her nepotism for certain things, but it's a good cause.

Shauna takes significantly less time to unpack and with Jackie assisting they finish soon. Shauna refuses to let Shauna handle her books because apparently “they’re delicate” and she lacks the knowledge of book etiquette, whatever that means.

When they get to the Mess Hall a group of people have gathered around it’s entrance with their bags flanking them.

She sees a red head and a girl in a striped shirt engaged in rapid conversation with a girl with bleached hair, dark clothes, and smudged eyeliner even visible from how far away she is. A boy with a similar style is arguing with a plump boy with brown hair who is being backed up by a blonde boy trying his best and seemingly failing at it. A girl with long brown curly hair and darker skin has her arms folded and is rolling her eyes at them, she wears her hair in a low ponytail and looks like she would rather be anywhere else. Another girl with blonde curly hair, glasses, and clothes far too warm for summer is messing with some bug that had made its way into the Mess Hall. There's countless others occupied in conversation or solitude. She does a rough count of fifteen people.

Bill Martinez, who had been standing on the sidelines, clears his throat, “Since everyone is here,” He pointedly looks to Jackie who had held up this introduction, “We will get started. Put your things down for now and once we’re done with the tour you can put them away in your cabins.”

While Jackie’s family technically ran the camp, Bill was the one who did the work. He made the rules, decided what needed changed, and what didn’t. The Taylor’s had no problem nodding and handing him off a paycheck for whatever he suggested. The Taylor’s poked their head in every once in while, to check the place hadn’t burned down. It was a system that worked so no one had any plan to adjust it.

“Next to the Mess Hall we have the field, and that down there is the Sports Cabin. We just keep supplies in there. Coach Scott will be in charge of that, he will be a little late but he should be here by tonight.”

“That’s the Arts & Crafts Cabin. Let’s see here,” He pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper with presumably their names and roles on it, “Crystal, you’ll be running it.”

A girl with brown wavy hair nodded in response.

“These are the playgrounds. The younger groups can’t be here without at least one counselor. Up here are the boy’s cabins. There are only two of them, we have a spare but there aren’t enough people so it’s not in use. Don’t bother trying to go into it, it’s locked. Even if you're not with a certain group you’ll be staying in these cabins.”

“That leads down to a bunch of trails and some other things. There are some swings and a zipline, dangerous but the kids love it so just don’t tell them it’s a health hazard. Akilah and Gen will man that. There is also archery back there, Melissa I will show you the ropes later. The other girls cabin is there, along with the old boys cabin.” He doesn’t bother to look up, not knowing anyone’s names, likely not caring either.

“This is my cabin and Coach Scott’s Cabin. Please don’t come here if you need help, just ask another one of your peers. I make all the meals for the camp, I don’t want to deal with kids, that’s your job.”

“Down there is the lake. You're free to explore all this later. Travis, you'll be the lifeguard.” He addressed a boy with a striking resemblance to Chef Martinez.

“This is the locker room. Left is girls, right is boys. It has showers-”

He stops when he hears a yelp. They all turned, the blonde girl with curly hair and glasses from before was holding a dragonfly in her fingers by the wings.

“Sorry.” She looked sheepish and released it, it flew away shakily.

He furrowed his brow then came to the conclusion he didn’t care enough, “-changing rooms, cubbies, nothing special.”

“These are the girls' cabins, the group names are carved over the door so you’ll know which is yours. Most of you will be staying here. Now the camp is pretty split up, figure out where things are as soon as possible, we don’t have maps but Jackie can make you one if you need it.”

She didn’t recall volunteering but raised her hand high anyway so people could ask if needed. With the finished tour they made their way back to the Mess Hall.

“Alright I’ll read off everyone’s groups now. The Butterflies are the youngest group, they are 7 and 8 year olds. Their counselors are Jackie Taylor, Shauna Shipman, and Laura Lee Widdop. The Crickets are the next group, 9 and 10 year olds. Their counselors are Taissa Turner, Vanessa Palmer, and Randy Walsh. Then there are the Fireflies, 11 and 12 year olds. Their counselors are Charlotte Matthews, Mari Ibarra, and Kevyn Tan. Lastly, the Grasshoppers, 13 and 14 year olds. Their counselors are Natalie Scatorccio, Misty Quigley, and Jeffery Sadeki."

"The cabin arrangements should be with your group but for the boys it's slightly different. The Butterflies and Crickets are together, Randy and Travis will be in there. The Fireflies and Grasshoppers have Jeff and Kevyn. The rest of the girls will be bunking together near the nature area."

"I’ll give you all the group schedules tomorrow. Next we have some basic rules to go over. No swearing, at least in front of the kids, the curfew is just as much yours as there is, which by the way is 8:30 for the younger groups and 9:00 for older groups, during the night at least one counselor must be in the cabin at all times. There aren’t that many official rules, if you think something is a stupid idea then it is. Don’t lead a bad example for the kids or do stupid things, really it just makes it easier for everyone. I’m the chef, if that wasn’t obvious by now, I’ll start on dinner in about an hour. Welcome to camp,” With that he walks away and into the Mess Hall.

The group stays quiet for a second before chatter picks up, people start pairing off and carrying their things towards their cabins.

Shauna and Jackie find Laura Lee, their fellow Butterfly Counselor and offer to help take her things back to the cabin.

She had blonde straight hair that fell halfway down her back, her clothes were simple, she wore a pale blue shirt and a cream skirt stopped under her knees, she had pink converse that had worn out with time, and she had a gold cross dangling from her neck. Overall her outfit was terrible for her new job, Jackie smiled at her sympathetically which Laura Lee took as a welcome smile.

“I am so glad I get to work with the younger kids.” She says, as she folds her clothing in her dresser once inside the cabin. “I was worried about going to a camp like this, but I really think this could be a good experience for me.” She nods in a way that makes Jackie unsure if she’s convincing her or herself.

Jackie doesn’t know what she means by 'like this' and chooses to not find out.

“Do you have a hot glue gun?”

Jackie is thrown by the sudden topic shift, “Yeah sure, why?”

She digs into her bag and pulls a wooden cross in her hand, cradling it, “I would really feel more at home if I could put this up.”

“I’m not sure if we’re allowed to-”

“Please?”

The girl stares at her so earnestly, and she is kind of afraid that if she says no she will burst into tears, “Crystal is running the Arts & Crafts Cabin, if she agrees then it’s alright.”

Laura Lee smiles brightly at her before continuing unpacking.

Dinner feels strange with the Mess Hall so empty, they take up four tables in total, leaving the rest of the room uneasy. Jackie opts to sit with Shauna, they are followed by Laura Lee and a girl who introduces herself as Mari. She has long straight black hair, a yellow t-shirt paired with jean shorts.

Jackie tries to make conversation with all of them equally, it’s her job in this situation, she helps keep this place up. She listens to Laura Lee talk about the Christian College she’ll attend next year and Mari talk about some weird thing her cousin did. Shauna listens dutifully, Jackie wishes she would interject but the brunette sits quietly next to her giving her attention to them, she is forced to follow suit. The only thing occupying her mind is the things she and Shauna will do this summer.

Chapter Text

Taissa didn’t really know why she was hired here. She wasn’t good with kids. She never had been and she didn’t think she ever would be. She was just too bossy of a person, (others words not hers) she believed she was just being honest, if they couldn’t handle it was their fault. She had applied just to prove to her parents that she could still flourish in a social climate and to pass the remaining months in New Jersey before leaving. She could be amazing at her job in the forest, which she had pointedly never been keen on, and taking care of kids. She is now sitting at a table with a bunch of people she doesn’t know.

The Mess Hall had a cozy feeling. The building was entirely made of wood. Tall windows lined almost all of the walls letting the light flow in. The ceilings were high and the light bulbs were a bit dim but had an inexplicable warmth. There were wooden tables with benches and a window where one could see into the kitchen easily. Chef Martinez was currently wiping down the countertops. Thankfully the place was air conditioned so she could trust during the summer heat she would be able to spend about three hours coolly tucked away.

At a quick glance around the Mess Hall she may be sitting with the most normal kids. She can see a boy painting his nails with a sharpie, pointy doing a terrible job, only some covers his actual nails and a fair amount is on the skin around it. He raises the marker to his nose, sniffing it. Tai takes that as her que to look away. Two other boys are trying to throw napkins into a trashcan and missing each time. She thinks the pile of crumpled napkins pilling up would deter them. It doesn’t. The trashcan isn’t a small target either. Though her judgements of them may be biased.

Taissa would never describe herself as socially awkward. She had chosen to cast herself out of groups, to spend her lunches in the library, to practice soccer while others partied. She couldn’t be blamed for something she didn’t attempt.

The idea of high school didn’t make sense outside of academics to her. It was the four years of your life that determined the college you got into. Why waste that time? She didn’t understand her classmates who hung out with friends every day after school, they had to get sick of each other. Or the people wanted to date some shitty jock just because? Don’t even get her started on high school dances. She could go on a whole monologue about the pointlessness of them. How it reinforces gender stereotypes and how it was not in the slightest bit a fun experience. She went to one in an attempt to conform to an average supposedly enjoyable high school memory. She never went again.

She realized early on she didn’t subscribe to these wants and it had paid off in the end when she got the letter on her doorstep from Howard.

Not to say she didn’t have friends in high school. They were just friends in school, she didn’t talk to them outside of it besides clubs and soccer.

Now she is surrounded by three others. A red haired girl is across the table from her to the left and a girl with a bleached mullet sits directly across from her. A tall girl with dark brown wavy hair wearing a pink sweater that is a bit overkill in the heat sits in front of her.

She picks apart at the food, not the best. What was she expecting from a summer camp?

“You would be dead, 100%.” The blonde argues.

The red head frowns, scrunching her face slightly. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re too funny and you have to like, be boring at first.”

“But why does that make you more likely?”

“Because I would be breaking the stereotypes.”

“Why? Because you wear eyeliner and listen to Nirvana?”

She looks affronted, “Hey, don’t insult them.”

Taissa continues to move her fork around her paper plate, not at all listening.

“If we are speaking realistically, that popular girl is always the final girl.”

“But why?”

The red head shrugs. “To give depth to her character? I don’t know.”

“No but it’s stupid. Little miss perfect already has a friend group, a boyfriend, beauty, and money. Why does she need to be the only one who lives? Just solidifies her perfection.”

“I mean if you watched all your friends die around you wouldn’t you be pretty fucked up?”

“Okay sure, but still between me and you.”

They stare at each other with some kind of unspoken context, the blonde lightly jabs her elbow into Taissa, she is startled by the sudden contact. Luckily it makes it appear like this is the first she’s hearing of this conversation.

“Who do you think would make it to the end of a horror movie? Me or her?”

Taissa looked between the two of them. She had no fucking clue. Honestly neither of them, the other girl at the table looked like the best one. Why did she apply for some stupid summer camp counselor position? The red head was giving her a pleading look and she wanted this to be over.

“Her.”

“Ha!” She exclaimed.

“Oh come on.” She sighed before redirecting her attention to the others at the table. She lowers her head in defeat making the other girls grin only widened.

“I’m Van.” The red head said, still smiling with the triumph of winning.

“Natalie.” The girl with the bleached mullet and eyeliner said. She directed her gaze away from Tai and towards the other girl at the table with them.

“Lottie.” Said the girl across from her.

“Taissa.” She replied with Van’s almost steely gaze on her.

“I guess we’ll be with the same group.” She said.

She felt the need to look away but couldn’t tear her eyes off.“Guess so.”

Van gave her a perfectly friendly smile, one she reciprocated. The rest of the meal seemed to pass faster with the addition of people making active conversation. Eventually Chef Martinez told them all to get out, so he could clean up, no one wanted to get on his bad side so they all grabbed their bags and made their way towards their cabins.

The sun was a deep orange now, the harsh sun of summer weaker in this hour. The intense heat was now just more than warm and the shadows were all the more prevalent around them. After leaving the Mess Hall and entering the faint trails that led them to their cabins the whole place appeared to cave in on itself, the trees were taller than before and Chef Martinez’s warning about the set up of the camp was suddenly making sense.

The boys had split up from them a while before due to the opposite directions of their cabins, making it mercifully quieter. The next to leave were the specialty counselors who needed to go significantly deeper into the woods to get their cabin. She didn’t envy their sleeping arrangement. Though that might change with the kids.

So now Taissa walked with Van, Lottie, Natalie, two other blonde girls, and two brunettes, she was pretty sure the last girl was Jackie, who Chef Martinez had introduced. She was supposed to be leading them but was walking much further ahead arm in arm with one of the brunettes whispering to her, she threw her head back in laughter every so often. Clearly she was not interested in leading the rest of them.

Over time they lost sight of them and some blonde girl clutching a cross that dangled from her neck trailed them. Lottie, Mari, Natalie, and another girl went the opposite way at the next fork in the trail. That just left her and the redhead.

She had never found silence uncomfortable, she didn’t see why people always sought out noise. It wasn’t a bad thing but there wasn’t a need to talk all the time. This was no different but at the same time compared to nothing she had ever experienced. Which was stupid to say considering she met this girl not even a few hours ago and had said less then a hundred words to her.

The cabin she had visited earlier came into view. It looked stable, plain but like the kids wouldn’t tear it down. Hopefully not? God, she has a younger brother and she used to babysit for money, she really should know more about kids.

They enter and she almost tries to lock the cabin door behind her. It takes a few seconds of reaching for the lock with her fingers to find there is none. She doesn’t know if that’s weird or not.

On one hand they are in the middle of the woods so what should they need to hide from? The only thing that could open locks is other people. But also won’t certain kids maybe try to sneak out, or some serial killer might like to murder kids? She is surprised by her train of thought, normally used to be the most realistic person she knew. Van had wiped off on her already with her horror movie talk.

She let her hand fall from the door and followed Van into the room they would be sharing. Thankfully it wasn’t small, there were two beds across from each other, both against the wall parallel from the door. Taissa had already unpacked most of her things. Van wasn’t there when she had, she assumed she had helped Nat with her things and unpacked after Tais had already left.

The redhead had busied herself on the other side of the room, digging through her bag. She didn’t know if she was supposed to say something, or even if she really wanted to. Instead she grabbed her toiletry bag and made her way to the small bathroom.

This was the one door in the cabin that did lock thankfully.

It was cramped. The toilet and the sink were less than a step away. She could see a cobweb in the corner that was two large for her to think about ignoring the entire summer. She sighed knowing she’d have to get rid of it before the campers were scared by it. There was a mirror over the sink, it looked like it wasn’t made of glass, some material that couldn’t harm so the kids wouldn’t get hurt if it broke.

She changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, and wrapped a headband tightly around her hair. She looked around the walls of the dank bathroom. She let out a sigh of defeat at her new home. When she reentered the room Van was already in her bed laying down, still awake, the covers rustled as she tried to find comfort underneath them.

“I think I’m going to stay up a little while and read. Is that okay? I have a flashlight but it might be kind of bright.” She asked quietly.

“Sure, knock yourself out.” Came a voice now facing the wall.

She grabbed a book that lay on her dresser. The cover was a deep red, the font a goldish tint. There were hundreds of pages, all in the smallest print she had ever seen. She knew college didn’t start for two months, and no this book technically wasn’t on her reading list. But Taissa knew she had to get used to reading law books, she needed to be able to understand them through and through. Recite what was important, make connections between different books on the same branches.

Just because she was spending her summer in the middle of the woods did not mean a free for all to let her education plummet. She opened the book to the first page. The pages were thin, so thin. She ran the pages through her fingers, careful not to accidentally rip them. She checked the last page to see the page count. 832. She glanced at her stack of books, all in similar size that she had vowed to read before the end of summer.

She cleared her mind of doubt, or at least attempted too and flipped back to the first page. It was a bit difficult to get into, the first few pages droned on about nonsense but by page ten she was following almost everything written.

She sheets on the other side of the room shifted. Tai fought her head's urge to glance over. Instead she moved her flashlight lower trying to dim it and shift to the side so as to not wake Van.

Her plan didn’t appear to work because the other girl rolled over to face Taissa. Her eyes landed on the book at first, perhaps trying to make out the title and then they trailed upward to Taissa. Her gaze felt strong even though her eyes were lazy and blinked deeply, sure signs of sleepiness.

“What are you reading about?” She whispered.

“Land ownership.” Tai whispered back.

Her brow furrowed and she let out a small laugh, “Why?”

“Interesting I suppose, and helpful for school.”

“You’re gonna work in land ownership?” She looked skeptical at the idea of someone enjoying that.

“Probably not but I should know different kinds of law.”

“You’re gonna be a lawyer?”

“I hope so.” Hope felt like the wrong word to use, while it was correct it made the goal further away, more unachievable. Like she hadn’t been accepted into one of the top universities in the country.

“You will.” She replied softly.

“How do you know?”

She shrugged and shifted so she was facing the ceiling. Her hair spilling across the pillow and the moonlight making it shine just right. “I just think you will.”

She stared at her profile longer than the average person would find strictly ordinary. The girl blinked and sometimes her eyes drifted shut for a little longer but they always opened again. The almost thousand page book in her arms was forgotten.

“Can’t sleep?” Taissa whispered. She felt foolish whispering like middle schoolers at some sleepover. They were the only ones in the cabin and she knew for certain no other cabins could hear them.

“No, it’s too quiet.”

She listened to the noises from outside. She could hear an owl occasionally, the trees stirring, a snap of twigs. It was louder than she was used to. She lived in a suburban house and was one of the last to fall asleep, normally due to late night studying, meaning most nights she curled into bed in complete silence.

“What do things normally sound like?”

“You know, a mix of everything. The TV, the people outside, animals, anything really. It’s just so strange.”

She didn’t know but hummed in agreement anyway, “You might get used to it.” She frowned as she reassessed her words, “Actually no, when the campers come you’re going to wish you knew what silence was.”

She laughed and it made Taissa break out in a grin at pulling a laugh from the other girl. It sounded nice.

“You’re right. They’ll never shut up will they?” She pushed the palms of her hands into her eyes with a groan.

“From what I know of kids, no.”

“Fuck. We have one of the younger groups, we put them to bed at like 8:00 PM.” She groaned.

“8:30 if I remember correctly.”

“Practically the same thing.” She mumbled.

The sounds from outside take the stage again, they both listen to the trees swish in the wind. The book in Taissa hands is remembered and she gently lays it on the floor near her bed. She clicks the flashlight off and moves down her pillow so her head can rest on it. She mirrors Van’s position and stares at the ceiling.

The pattern of the wood is still visible in only the moonlight. She could recall nights spent at her grandmother’s house tracing the shapes on the ceiling with her eyes until sleep overtook her. She would try to make out figures, numbers, anything really. Make sense of the unknown.

A twig snaps outside drawing her attention to the window. There’s nothing there, obviously. Too dark to really tell even if there was.

“Was the dinner talk of horror movies really necessary?”

“All talk of movies is necessary.” She defends quickly.

“But this place is a bit creepy.”

“Think somethings going to get us?” She lowers her voice even more for dramatic effect.

Tai rolls her eyes even though Van can’t see.

“You’d be the real final girl.”

“Huh?”

“When you voted me at dinner, the most likely one would be you.”

She scoffs, “You can’t keep making these statements about me based on nothing.”

“Can’t I?” She countered.

Taissa doesn’t give her a response. She turns to her after a few minutes to find the girl already turned in her direction curled in on herself. She has her legs splayed carelessly at the lower end of the bed and her arms cradled under her head. Her breathing comes in heavier and she can see the rise and fall of her body underneath the thin covers.

She doesn’t move her gaze. Sleep has always evaded her and tonight is no different. Soon enough there are soft snores coming from the bed next to hers. She’s always hated snoring. The sound makes her want to bash her head into a wall, repeatedly. Tai wished that was an exaggeration. She had always refused to share a hotel room with her brother when they traveled for that reason.

She sighed but didn’t move to cover her ears with her pillow or find a tissue box and rip them up so she could mute the sound, she doubted there were any in the cabin anyway. Taissa stayed trained in her position. Laying there for what could have been minutes or hours before sleep finally took her.

Chapter Text

Waking up in the summer was supposed to be relaxing. It was supposed to mean waking up whenever the hell you wanted and spending your day as you please. Not with some blonde girl in your face mumbling nonsense you can’t make out in still a sleepy haze.

She blinked her eyes, willing them to focus despite how much she wanted nothing more than to drop her head back down onto the pillow and pass out for the next few hours.

The girl before her came into view. Her blonde hair was curly and she had bangs. She was short and wore glasses, her shirt was pale pink and had a puppy on it. She now stood in front of Natalie speaking, it took a few beats before her words stopped jumbling in her mind and became somewhat coherent.

“You should get up if you want a chance at showering.”

“What?” Her voice was thick with sleep and her brain was still catching up.

“There are only nine showers in the girls locker room. It really doesn’t make sense when you take into consideration the number of changing rooms and toilets, really there should be an even number of all of them.”

The girl she thinks name starts with M holds her gaze, pushing her glasses further up her nose. She had told her the night before but she was too tired to pay attention or even pretend she was. Mi-? Ma-? Mas-? Masie? Close enough. Maybe right. She'll find out eventually anyway.

“Okay?”

“Are you ready to go?”

“Why? What time is it?”

“It is,” She lifts her arm up and looks at her watch, “7:43 AM.”

“What? It’s so early.” She groans. Nat flops back down onto the pillow, successfully muffling the later half of her words.

“Well we don’t actually know the schedule, we get those today. For all we know this is how early we are getting up every day at camp.” She turns her head to see Maisie looking at her entirely seriously.

Natalie doesn’t give her a response, she groans into the pillow again in retaliation.

Maisie sighs and sits on the edge of her bed, partially on her legs. She raises her head at the intrusion of personal space. That was a mistake because Maisie is staring back at her with sad, hopeful eyes.

“Fine.” She says reluctantly.

Her expression changes immediately and a radiant smile emerges. She hops off her bed. Natalie leaves the comfort of her new bed behind, she grabs her things and exits the cabin with Maisie.

She has absolutely no clue where the locker rooms are, or even the remote location of where she is. The sun hasn’t even started rising and the blonde next to her is babbling a thousand words a minute.

“...What do you think?”

“Um, yeah.” She has no fucking clue what she was going on about.

She stops walking abruptly. She looks somewhat hurt and mostly scandalized by whatever Natalie had just agreed to.

“You think birds should be used for cruelty testing?”

“Uh no. No, definitely not.” It was too fucking early for this.

“But you just said-”

“I got confused, I meant the other option.”

She pauses for a second and then sighs in relief and continues talking, this time Nat tries to roughly follow the conversation. Who talks about animal cruelty before 8 AM? Or better yet in any casual conversation with someone you met about twelve hours ago?

Once in the locker room she is not in the least bit surprised to find they are the only two inhabitants.

Luckily Maisie doesn’t talk to her when they both go their respective ways to shower and get ready for the day. By the time Natalie is finished with her shower and changed into her clothes another person is there.

Jackie is in front of the mirror by the sink, checking her reflection and fixing her already perfect hair. Nat takes a place on the other end of the sinks. She sets her makeup bag down and unzips it. She shuffles through it before finding the eyeliner and uncapping it. She starts to apply it but stops when Jackie removes herself from the other end of the sinks and comes to a stop next to her.

Jackie smiles sweetly at her. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“What?”

“The eyeliner. It’s just- I don’t want to be rude or anything but it might scare the kids. I mean the hair dye and the outfits are already maybe scary for kids. But the eyeliner is an easy fix.”

“Are you-”

“Of course if you’d like to change those too I could help you. In freshman year I gave this one girl a really good makeover a few weeks before a dance. Six boys asked her out, six. No one had ever asked her out before then. Just so you know how good I am at makeovers.”

Nat can’t even say anything, she just stares at the girl before her dumbstruck. The sheer audacity of her.

“I think we’re around the same height. I could offer you some of my clothes. I don’t have any hair dye but it really isn’t that bad, just needs a good brushing. Maybe a trim.”

The smile is still stubbornly on Jackie’s face. Nat still doesn’t say anything.

Her smile falters slightly, "Why aren’t you, uh, speaking?”

Nat just stares at her, wondering if she is going to wake up or she will backtrack. When it becomes apparent she is dead serious Nat scoffs, “Okay, okay. Fuck this.” She doesn’t know if she’s talking to Jackie, Maisie, the camp, life. She takes her makeup bag and clothes storming out of the locker room.

Thankfully she was able to roughly remember where she came from. Once she’s back at her cabin she pulls out an old somewhat dirty pocket mirror with more force than needed. She uncaps her eyeliner with less force so as to not smush it. She grits her jaw and applies her eyeliner thicker than usual, the light dawn helping her do so.

***

Breakfast is cheerier than dinner was for most of the counselors. They have had time to make friends, or at least acquaintances. Natalie doesn’t know if she’s supposed to consider Maisie as an acquaintance. Throughout the meal Jackie looks over at her a few times, her gaze is laced with partial apology, genuine confusion, and anger. She doesn’t make any move to talk to her. Bitch.

Chwf Martinez gives them all a shirt with the camp name and logo. There is a color for every group. He gives her a blue tee, not even batting an eye at her makeup. Clearly not everyone thinks it’s “scary”. The next is name tags passed out by Jackie. She gives Nat the sticker and won’t even look in her general direction. She scoffs before taking the sharpie and writing her name on it.

“Does anyone want to make a welcome sign for the campers?” Chef Martinez asks.

Jackie’s hand shoots up along with Maisie’s. The brown haired girl next to Jackie is having her hand be pulled up by Jackie, she looks like she wants to argue but when Jackie moves the hand wrapped around her wrist holding it up doesn’t drop. She tries to read her name tag from across the Mess Hall, something that starts with S.

“Alright you three, Crystal will show you where the banner and paint is. When you’re done find Travis, he’ll help you put it up.”

A boy with short dark brown hair and a black tee shirt with the camp logo given to people working in specialty groups is presumably Travis. He rolls his eyes just barely, clearly upset with his existence at this camp.

An hour later she is standing near the end of a dirt road with the other Grasshopper counselors, all dressed in blue shirts. The blonde girl who woke her up now wears a name tag with Misty written in scribbled letters. She was close enough. A boy with light brown hair wears a name tag that reads Jeff, he sways his arms and looks in Jackie’s general direction too often to be accidental.

These are the people she has to spend her summer surrounded by. Great.

Cars trickle in slowly. The first to arrive was the Taylors. They were dressed too formally for the woods, Mrs. Taylor, dressed in a white blouse and white high waisted pants, a pair of sunglasses rested on her forehead. Mr. Taylor wears a tan pair of pants and a white short sleeve button up.

The counselors stood in little circles based on their groups waiting for the kids to check in with Mr. and Mrs. Taylor before moving to their groups. The parents walked their kids up to the owners, they made polite conversations. Some held their kids' hands, they spoke kindly to them, they hugged them.

A young girl wearing a purple shirt and who held a tiny ladybug backpack looked like she might cry. She had thick black hair that she pushed out her face. She was no older than seven. Her mother held her hand and shared the same hair, from the side she could see they shared the same nose, and dark brown eyes as well.

Her lip started to tremble. In a quick motion she hugged her mother tight to her, due to the height difference she was clutching her mothers waist. She didn’t hesitate to hug her back. The girl cried into her shirt, surely staining it with her tears and spit but her mother never pushed her away.

Nat could just barely make out her words.

“I don’t want you to go.” Came muffled from the daughter.

“Honey, you were the one who wanted to come here.” She replies softly, no trace of anger in her voice, just confusion and care as she rubs soothing circles into her shoulders.

“Not anymore.” She whined.

The mother crouched down next to her and clutches her hands, “Tell you what. I have already paid for the whole summer so you stay a week. If you don’t like it, write to me and I’ll pick you up as soon as I get it. How does that sound?”

She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and nodded. The mother smiles and pulls her in for one last quick hug. After she brings her hand to her face brushing away the tears and offering her a tissue.

They exchange goodbyes and she can hear them speaking soft words of love. She walks back to the car eventually waving the whole way before opening the door and stepping inside.

Nat’s jaw is clenched tight, her teeth almost grind together. The same mantra that has been burned into her head from a very young age. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair.

She knows she’s too old to be speaking, or rather thinking like this. She shouldn’t be jealous of some random seven year old. But the only thing her brain can think of is the nights her mother lay passed out on the couch, the nights she wasn’t there at all, empty soccer games, her own fucking graduation.

Her fucking graduation that was last week. There was a seat with her name written on it and taped with all the other parents' seats. She didn’t turn her head to look when she walked across the stage, if she didn’t then she could really be there. She made the mistake of looking back after already getting her diploma and sitting in her chair. The spot stared back, empty. She should have known by Van’s too loud cheering.

When she left this weekend. Her mother didn’t even know she had a job for the summer, didn’t try to stop her from leaving, not even a quick goodbye. She never wants to step foot in that trailer again. Her clothes, posters, music, and every little thing she owns that isn’t in the bag she brought here are gone. She had always treasured the things she had, small things she acquired over her life. They didn’t mean anything now. It wasn’t worth it to get them if it meant looking into a dead woman’s eyes.

A child brushes her arm in passing and she remembers she isn’t in that trailer. She’s so many miles away.

Misty holds a clipboard in her hand, checking off names as the kids give them. Jeff tries to count them but restarts after twenty due to the constant movement. She feels stupid standing there with no task.

The cars stop arriving eventually and they take that as their sign to give introductions.

“Already everyone are you ready to have fun?” Jeff says a bit too enthusiastically. Their group is early teenagers and she is unsurprised when he is met with mostly eye rolls.

Jeff sucks in a breath through his teeth, “Tough crowd okay. My name is Jeff, says it on my name tag.”

“My name is Misty, also on my name ta.,” She smiles politely and waves.

“I’m Natalie, or Nat. Whichever you prefer.”

“Okay folks you do have a schedule and there are rules. The schedules should be printed on your cabin wall near the door. I think Chef Martinez will go over the rules and important stuff so I’m going to stop now. Any questions?” Jeff looks around expectantly.

One hand raises. “Where are the bathrooms?”

“I’ll show you.” Misty says and gestures for the camper to follow as she starts walking in the direction of the closest bathroom. How Misty has the layout of the camp memorized so quickly is beyond her.

“Right so grab your stuff, the boys come with me. Girls follow Natalie.”

Natalie is not prepared to see thirty to forty girls staring back at her, “Right yeah this way.” She leads them back to the cabin, praying she knows where the fuck she is going. She almost takes two wrong turns but talks herself out of it and gets them back to the cabin.

“Choose whichever bunk you like. There are cubbies in the side room to put your suitcases, clothes, and stuff. Please don’t argue over who gets what. If you do neither get it.”

She drops down onto a beanbag with a sigh as she watches the girls talk loudly and organize their things. Nat remembers herself at that age, she never got to go to a real summer camp. They were always too expensive, the closest thing she got was the nights with Van when they were younger.

During the summer it was easy to grow bored when you didn’t have the money for activities or trips. The sweltering heat wasn’t a bonus either. One night during summer her mother got really drunk, her father had left for some reason he said Nat was too young to know. She drank away her sorrow and then drank some more.

For a straight week she was in and out of consciousness, she had a permanent residency puking in the bathroom and didn’t utter a single comprehensible word. Nat tried to drown her out with music but the volume could only turn so high. Before she knew what she was doing there was a backpack in her hand and she was shoving belongings into it.

She didn’t know where she was going but ended up on Van’s steps. She knocked but was met with no response. When she pushed open the door Ms. Palmer was asleep, a bottle slipping from her hand and the TV on too loud. When Van saw her she took one look at her face and packed her own bag. She grabbed her firmly by the hand and walked out of the trailer.

They walked until the sounds of the trailer park were drowned out. They walked until the lights of human civilization were mute. They walked until all they could see were trees.

At a clearing they laid down blankets and used a few sticks to hang one over them as well.

They slept through the night there, more pleasantly than they ever did at their homes, though neither would admit. The night was chilly and their blankets thin. They woke up with dew in their hair and limbs in wet grass. Their breakfast was limited to bags of chips and apples but it tasted heavenly for some unknown reason.

Nat didn’t ask Van how her mother was, she knew it was just as bad if not worse. It normally was worse but Van would never admit it. Van didn’t ask her either. For those two nights they spent there they pretended to be different people with different lives. They used the trees as their backgrounds and creatures as their friends. As far as they were concerned that was their lives.

Their food storage emptied and their blankets grew too dirty. They headed back and Nat hugged her before going into her trailer. She held her tight and whispered a quick, “Thank you.” Her mother didn’t ask where she had gone, nor even notice.

These kids before her were giggling. She could hear the meaningless arguments that were so important to them but so miniscule in the long run.

“Bring back memories?”

Misty had taken a seat next to her in her own bean bag. She was a bit too short and it looked comedic the way it encircled her.

“Yeah,” She knew her voice wasn’t steady enough to slide off the tongue as a truth but Misty didn’t make any note.

“I remember how I was at their age. I always loved going to summer camps, that’s the reason I wanted to work here. I get to relive the joys of childhood before finally saying goodbye next year.”

She didn’t know what the response was supposed to be but Misty left to help the girls get settled before she could form one. Nat knew she wasn’t being that helpful so she sighed before leaving her own bean bag. She helped them put their belongings in their cubbies and move their suitcases.

One girl in particular walked up to her. Her things were already carefully stored away. She wore a pink shirt and jean shorts. Her hair was in a brown bob and she looked around Misty's height.

“Need help with something?” She asked.

“How’d you do that?” She pointed towards her face.

“What, this?” Nat point’s more directly at her eyeliner.

The girl nods moving closer in a way that would be strange if she wasn’t a kid.

“It’s eyeliner.”

“Cool,” There is awe in her voice and her mouth twists into a smile, “Can you do it on me sometime?”

“Yeah sure.”

The girl gave her a bright smile before skipping away to talk with her friends. She wished she could see the look on Jackie’s face at the exchange.

Chapter Text

Shauna had not had the best summer so far. Some would say she shouldn’t make judgments so early into the summer. It was after all less than a week since she had tossed her cap into the air and said goodbye to high school. She would say it’s her fucking life so she can make whatever judgements she sees fit.

The plan was to tell Jackie about Brown. There wasn’t a definite time or even period of time she was planning to tell her. She knew the longer she waited the more angry Jackie would be when she told her. Which is probably fair.

There were two options in Shauna’s mind. Tell her as soon as possible and try to explain and apologize for the rest of the summer, it’s not really possible for them to avoid each other working at the same camp and in the same group, they even slept a few feet away from each other. Though knowing Jackie if she tried hard enough she could find a way to avoid her despite everything standing in her way.

The other option was to enjoy the last summer she had with her best friend and tell her right before they leave, effectively destroying the most important friendship she has ever had and likely will ever have for the rest of her life.

Neither option is preferable.

Jackie has absolutely no clue what is circling through Shauna’s brain at every hour of the day. She had spread out magazines on Shauna’s bed. She had stared the color palettes and furniture she wanted for their room with multicolor gel pens. She would appreciate her enthusiasm and commitment if it wasn’t a constant sign of her lies.

She tried her best to give commentary, she somewhat successfully struggled her way through it. She had never been more grateful when Laura Lee politely told them to be quiet and go to sleep in the late hours of night when Jackie was perched on her bed rambling about sheets.

Shauna tries to reason with herself; she couldn’t have even told her in that moment if she wanted to, for Laura Lee’s sake. So really it’s not her fault she hasn’t told her yet, except for the over sixth months she has known and hasn't told her.

She is sitting at a bench at breakfast with Jackie next to her. She’s her usual bubbly self. It’s unfair how put together she looks after having to wrangle up a bunch of little girls at the ass crack of dawn. Seriously, her hair was perfect. Shauna should really be used to it by now.

She can barely hear Jackie over the kids yelling. Chef Martinez walks out of the kitchen with a pan and a wooden spoon. He bangs the two together repeatedly until the voices stop and he has everyone's attention.

“Now that you all have shut up, I would like to introduce Coach Scott.”

Chef Martinez doesn’t waste any more time in the presence of the kids, making his way quickly back into the kitchen.

“Hello everyone. I am Coach Scott, I work with Chef Martinez. We do most of the work around the camp. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here to greet you last night, I had a delayed flight back from Seattle. I am sure last night you were all getting adjusted and tired from the drive so let's get into the rules.”

There is a collective groan from the kids. One camper's hand goes up.

He gestures to the camper. “Yes?"

“Why were you in Seattle?” The girl who asks is in her group. So far she hasn’t learned what it means to be quiet or keep her nose out of others business. Shauna guesses this means her streak isn’t stopping anytime soon.

“Doesn’t matter.” Is all he offers and Shauna swears his face is a bit red.

He clears his throat. “Anyways back to the rules, I know you don’t want to hear it but this is important guys. Don’t leave your group, especially wandering in the woods. Obey the curfew set for your group. Don’t swim in the deeper area of the lake if you don’t pass the swim test. Don’t throw rocks. Don’t curse. Don’t use any violence. Don’t capture any animals. I think that is all the main rules. If you want to join a sports team we do have soccer teams. Two girls and two boys, you can practice all summer and I will be coaching you. There are many activities here so let's just do a quick run down. Archery is led by Melissa, raise your hand please.”

A blonde girl's hand a few tables away goes up.

“Thank you. Art’s & Crafts is led by Crystal. Nature is Akilah and Gen. The lifeguard is Travis," Each of them raise their hand when their name is called, "There are designated times for these depending on your group. Each Saturday night we do a cabin check to see which is the cleanest, whoever’s is gets a late night swim at the lake on Sunday. There also are bonfires, maybe movie nights depending on if the TV works, and an end of summer dance. But those will be explained in more detail later. Most importantly, of course have fun. Enjoy your first week of camp!” He claps.

He is applauded by the campers and soon the Butterfly counselors are ushering the kids out of the Mess Hall. Their first activity of the day is Arts & Crafts.

When they arrive at the cabin it is small. There are wind chimes hanging and pictures on the walls made by campers. Some of them are pencil drawings, some paintings, and some sculptures. A fair amount of them are decent for a child, some of them are well, something. There are tables outside so campers can enjoy working in either place.

Crystal informs them they will be working on a watercolor picture to mail to their families next Monday, or to keep if they like it too much. When she is gone giving directions the children swarm the table with supplies. Shauna can hear the sound of them arguing over who gets the nicest palette and who gets to sit with who. The questions of the century.

When everyone is sitting down a little girl tugs Jackie’s arm asking if she will sit at her table. She agrees and Shauna follows after. Laura Lee takes her spot with a girl alone at a table, trying to cheer her up and beginning her own painting.

With nothing to do Jackie and Shauna start their own as well. It feels strange doing the same tasks as a bunch of little kids but there is only so much helping you can do for others to pass the time.

Jackie paints a butterfly, she uses small amounts of water to get pastel colors. She opts for light pinks, blues, and yellows. Shauna paints trees. She uses more water, getting a deeper color and capturing the reality of the woods they're surrounded by.

Jackie’s butterfly isn’t the best, she’s always been good at many things. Art wasn’t one of them. Not to say she was bad but she didn’t have the patience required for it, wherever she did something wrong even if it was easily reversible she would quit and sulk.

Shauna could recall their days spent years in the past at this very cabin. Wrong pencil strokes, a dip into the wrong color, a stitch on a sewing project that upset the pattern. Whatever the problem was it would be forgotten as soon as the cabin was out of view.

“Yours looks better.” It doesn’t hold the bite Jackie’s comments sometimes do.

“No it doesn’t, it’s just different.”

“If you say so.” She gives her a grateful smile and continues on.

Shauna dips her small plastic paint brush into the brown paint on her old palette, the colors are mixed around a bit from years of use, they should probably be replaced. She paints the strokes of the trunks, slowly and with purpose.

Brown. She reminds herself brown the color and Brown the school are two entirely different things. Though technically they do have the same spelling but Brown the school is capitalized so they look different and therefore are different. Brown. brown. Brown.

The word and letters blur together in her mind until it’s a jumble of indiscernible shapes that vaguely mean something. She is drawn back to reality by the growing dark stain on her paper from holding the paintbrush in the same spot for far too long. She sighs before trying to fix the mess on her painting.

When their time is up they put back supplies. Jackie’s butterfly turned out better than Shauna’s trees with too large trunks. When the campers compliment Jackie’s picture she only responds with compliments of how theirs are better. They don’t believe her but she then points out a detail she likes and kids burst into a smile that someone noticed the thing that had worked hardest on.

Her butterfly isn’t perfect but that’s what makes it so. It lacks any definite techniques and it has the hint of juvenility but it gives it personality. It doesn’t look like a real butterfly, it wouldn’t be displayed anywhere meaningful but it doesn't have the cartoonish qualities that some paintings could. It’s the physical embodiment of a butterfly, the strokes gone over that veer slightly off, the use of too much water at times and too little at others. Instead of ruining it it makes it better.

Shauna has never been that good at art. Jackie has never been that good at art. She could think back on moments spent in art class when Jackie would think of the class as a free period to talk about anything, mostly boys. God, she would never shut up about Mike before they started dating. She would ramble on about him entirely unprompted. She had effectively ruined Shauna’s sophomore art class.

The worst was when they had a project due, the most important one of the year. Their teacher didn’t believe in finals and an art final was a bit difficult to create so she had them work on recreating a famous pencil drawing. Shauna’s was going pretty well until the last day. She had counted Jackie saying his name ninety nine times in that school week alone. The day was Tuesday. At 10 AM. Her pencil broke at one hundred and left a deep dark mark across the whole drawing.

She still thinks she would have got a perfect grade if it wasn’t for that, it was the best thing she had ever drawn. Jackie got a better score in the end.

In the present day there is no Mike and she is not in that school anymore, campers continue to swarm Jackie’s painting and she blushes and preens at the compliments. She looks down at her own paper. It’s fine. It looks like trees.

No kids approach Shauna, she dutifully organizes the supplies and wipes down the tables from the kids who won’t do it themselves. Jackie tries to help but by the time the kids have left her be Shauna has sorted everything back.

She steals a glance at what Crystal was painting for the last hour. Both of theirs paled in comparison to her watercolor of a stream.

They left the cabin in pursuit of their next activity, Archery.

Shauna was somewhat okay at it. Jackie was horrendously bad. Laura Lee was staring at the arrow like it had known her grandmother personally and been the reason for her death.

“Hello.”

The same blonde haired girl Coach Scott pointed out in the morning exited the Archery Cabin that held the supplies. This cabin was much more simplistic than the Arts & Crafts due to the rules saying no campers could enter for safety reasons.

The girl’s hair was wavy and long. She wore a red tank top and dark wash jean shorts. She has a name tag on that establishes her as Melissa. The most prominent thing about her was a pink cap that rested backwards on her head.

“I’m Melissa. I will help you all learn the basics of archery today." She flexes her hands awkwardly at her sides and looks like she would rather be doing anything besides speaking to fifty kids.

“Any questions?”

A little boy raises his hand. She looks surprised and disappointed at having to continue speaking.

“Yes?”

“Isn’t this really dangerous.”

“Well yes technically it could hurt you but that’s why we are going to learn the rules, so you can do this safely.”

“But couldn’t you still, like, hurt someone?”

“Yes but-”

“You could kill someone.” A girl chimed in.

“No-”

“My uncle was shot with an arrow.” A new voice.

“Did he die?” The first boy asked with wide eyes.

“No but he doesn’t speak anymore. My grandma said it’s because he-”

Jackie moves to the front of the group standing beside Melissa, “Alright guys settle down. She didn’t even get the chance to explain to you how to do it safely. If you don’t want to participate you don’t have to but you will be sitting here for an hour with nothing to do.”

The kids look down at their feet, the only noise they let out are whispers.

“Are you ready to listen to Melissa?”

They nod. Jackie gives her shoulder a tight reassuring squeeze and an understanding smile. Melissa reciprocates and mouths a thank you.

Jackie, Shauna, and Laura Lee sit down at the only table they can find in the shade after Melissa finishes giving instructions. Most children line up for different targets and she tries to help as many as possible. A few sit at the tables, either lacking the energy to stand in line or disinterested in archery.

The kids who try to fire arrows don’t have the best success. Most of them don’t make it to the target. Many of them are holding it wrong and Melissa has to run over to them adjusting their positioning until correct. No one looks anywhere close to getting a bullseye.

“That was nice of you.” Shauna says softly.

“I just remember how it feels starting off here, not knowing how to act around kids and no one having my back. Wish someone did it for me.”

Shauna cracks a smile at that, Jackie has always had the ability to change her emotions towards her in a matter of seconds.

“She should sit with us at meals sometimes, we could introduce her to some people. I think it would be nice.”

Shauna didn’t want to point out Jackie would be the one doing the introducing because Shauna didn’t know anyone here besides Jackie and didn’t want to go out of her way to make new friends and make new friends for a different girl. Jackie’s beauty and positivity had allotted her the ability to talk to people with ease, Shauna did not have such ability.

“Sure.” She said anyway.

“Great. I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Shauna nodded in acknowledgement. About a minute later she felt a presence hovering over her. She looked up to see Melissa standing above where Jackie had sat.

“Mind if I sit here?” She looked nervous. Shauna had never seen herself as an intimidating person.

“No, it’s fine.”

The bathrooms were located pretty far off so Jackie wouldn’t be back for a little while. This camp really needed to fix some things.

“I don’t mean to steal your friends spot, it’s just the kids are sick of me helping and have told me politely to fuck off. I mean not those words obviously. Oh wait I’m not allowed to curse right? Fuck.”

She makes a distressed sound and gives a sympathetic look to Shauna to try and express her apology. She can’t do anything besides snicker.

“It’s okay, it only matters if the campers can hear you. I don’t think Laura Lee even heard.”

She was still staring at the children shooting arrows with noticeable discomfort.

“Thank god. But seriously I don’t want to take her spot. It’s really hot out and standing in the sun only becomes so bearable.”

“She won’t mind, she thinks you're nice and the only reason we’re not standing watching the kids closer is because of the sun.”

She finds Melissa easier to talk to then she expected her to be. Her speech is a bit awkward but it adds candidness to it. There is a casualness that she lacks with Jackie and a simple enjoyable flow.

Jackie returns staring and smiling at the two of them, it looks a bit forced. Melissa excuses herself to help the kids, saying a quick goodbye to Shauna.

“You two got along well I see.”

“She just wanted a little break from standing.”

Jackie is silent for a bit. She pretends to be interested in staring at a beetle crawling a tree. Her expression is unreadable but before Shauna can make sense of it it is gone and she is making conversation again.

In between Jackie’s words she meets Melissa’s eye. She gives her a slight smile and Shauna returns it. She must have imagined the brief stutter in Jackie's voice and the way her jaw clenched.

***

It is only hours later after lunch, their activities, and dinner, when Shauna gets the chance to slip away from the group. Jackie is entertaining them and Laura Lee is comforting the homesick ones. She waited before grabbing a bag, throwing it over her shoulder, and making her way towards a trail.

This trail wasn’t technically in use due to it posing a safety risk, which just meant there were some rocks one could slip on and skid their knee. She had walked the trail enough times to know how not to do so.

She crouched under the rope between the two trees on either side of the patch and the sign reading Keep Out . The sounds of the camp became fainter as the trail grew thinner. She watched her step and listened for the sounds of water. After what was maybe a mile she hears the trickle of a stream.

It’s not that wide, nor deep, the current isn’t strong either. There is a tree that fell during a thunderstorm years ago that spans the length of the entire stream. She unties her shoes and takes off her socks. She leaves them on the shore as she ventures into the water. It’s cold enough so that she tries to tear her feet away at first after making contact. She forces it back into the water and walks to the middle of the stream taking a seat on the log.

She gives herself a moment to take in the sight around her. There is a canopy of trees that cover her, sunlight glints off the water, the air feels fresher than it did this morning, and it is so delightfully quiet save for the sounds of nature.

She unzips her bag and takes out her journal along with a pencil. She knows she can do this from the comfort of the cabin, Jackie respected her privacy enough to not pry of what it contains and it would likely go against Laura Lee’s morals to snoop. She didn’t know why when at the camp she was always drawn to this stream and writing at it.

She opens to a fresh page, cradling the book in her left arm so she can write with her right hand. The thoughts flow onto paper for pages. She writes of her arrival at camp, her first night, this morning's breakfast, Jackie’s paintings, meeting Melissa, anything that so much as graces her racing mind. Her hand grows tired and her thoughts start to lose their blaring nature.

When finished she shuts the journal and twists her hand a few times to shake the cramps. Shauna places it back into her bag, dutifully zipping it shut. She gets up from the log, the water feels cooler than before with the sun lower in the sky and heat departing. When her feet are almost completely dry she pulls her socks and shoes on.

Shauna follows the path back to her cabin where Jackie will be waiting patiently for her. She doesn’t want to know if she has a new magazine to show her or an idea for them next school year. She doesn’t want to think about the acceptance letter from Brown she has tucked into her journal. Or how she will fall asleep tonight with that letter less than five feet away from her, Jackie at the same distance as well. The two things that will haunt her the entire summer.

Chapter Text

She thinks she’s getting better with children. Well not getting worse may be more accurate. She likes children. They’re nice, a little annoying, but nice. She wouldn’t mind having one one day. She hasn’t yelled at any yet, and no Taissa is not going to count a stern talking to as yelling because technically she didn’t raise her voice to the level yelling required. At least in her opinion.

Sure the kid did look more than a little terrified afterward but that was her fault. She deserved it. A girl, who she now knew was named Amber (she successfully knew the names of ten of her campers now) had tried to put fish inside their drinking water. Each group was given a sort of tub of water for them to keep by their cabin as their drinking water for the day. The one actually good thing Randy had done was be the one to refill it.  

She had been acting weird all of yesterday morning and after free time was clutching a plastic cup tightly like it held an animal, turns out it did. Three minnows were swimming in it with lake water. She tried to defend herself, claiming she needed to get back at some other girl for ‘taking her boyfriend’. Tai didn’t feel like pointing out that she's nine years old and had known this boy for two days, this would be the smallest problem she will have in her entire life. Tai had lectured her and then returned the fish to the nearest fresh water she could find. 

In trying to find that she had stumbled upon a little stream, it was quite pleasant but she didn’t have time to dwell on it. She released the fish and prayed that was the worst thing that would occur that day.

Van is decidedly better with kids. She knows what jokes to make, what jokes not to make, what to say to make the kids pay attention, what to say to get them to do their chores. She claims it’s just by chance, Taissa thinks that’s bullshit. But she doesn’t mind, it keeps the campers in check.

Randy is by far the worst and it makes Tai feel better about her experience at the camp so far.

Taissa was unfortunately right about the lack of sleep at the camp when recalling the late night conversation she had with Van about the kids. The campers talk late into the night about the most random topics one could ever think of. She had heard two of the girls whispering (or trying to) about the connection between starfish and birds, specifically crows. She doesn’t know if they think they’re being quiet or not, either way they aren’t.

She will look over at Van in the night and she’ll give her the same pleading look at their door for them to shut up. It’s the only part of it she doesn’t mind.

This morning after handing out the campers breakfast she takes a seat at one of the counselor tables. The campers have all awoken by now, the loud talking from them can be heard fully. Van takes a seat next to her and slides a plate of food in front of her.

“Thank you. Sorry I must have forgotten.” 

She didn’t know how she had. She didn’t eat much for dinner last night because the food here was worse than she would have assumed, though she would never say that in close proximity to Chef Martinez. She also had to walk past the table with food to get to her table.

“Sleep been bad?” Van asks.

“You have no idea.”

Van gives her a look that suggests she does know. They sleep in the same room and she knows her restlessness wakes her up sometimes. Tai doesn’t have the heart to tell her part of the reason she can’t sleep is her snoring, it leaves her awake too long but it reminds her she isn’t alone.

Tai finds it a bit strange she has never minded being alone before. She still likes it but she doesn’t mind Van’s company.

“It’ll get better.”

Tai only gives her grateful smile. 

Natalie plops down in the seat across Van with her own plate. She sighs loudly. Her clothes are a little rumpled, she isn’t wearing as much jewelry as she did the first day. Her hair is still damp from showering, it reminds Taissa of a wet cat. The expression she wears on her face only adds to it.

“I cannot keep doing this. Misty wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn everyday to shower. It's still dark out when we leave!” 

“Why is your hair still wet if you showered hours ago?” Tai asks.

“Misty spilled the fucking water container on me when putting it on one of our tables.”

Van is the first to laugh before Tai can’t help but join in.

“It is not funny.” Nat says with an entirely serious expression.

“Speak of the Devil.” says Van.

Natalie gives Van a desperate look, one she doesn’t return with a sympathetic one, if anything she looks amused. She redirects her gaze to Tai, she doesn’t do anything either. Natalie turns when she feels a tap on her shoulder.

“May I sit?” Misty is looking expectantly at the seat next to her and clearly has not an inkling of their previous conversation.

“Um, Lottie usually sits here.” It’s funny to hear that considering this is their third day here. Nat looks around the room quickly for a glimpse of wavy brown hair. She finds none.

“Never mind. I guess so.” The displeasure is obvious in her voice.

She smiles brightly and takes a seat. 

“Good morning campers!” Coach Scott calls. 

“Good morning Coach Scott!” The campers and counselors reply. Taissa hates the fact she has to join in to make the campers participate. It’s not even like she’s sat with them so they can hear her and follow example.

“I know we went over rules yesterday but I didn’t mention that most days have certain events. There was no use going over it yesterday because Monday is mail day and you had seen your parents yesterday. Tuesday is Nature walks, so that means Akilah and Gen will take each group on a walk through the forest. On Wednesdays we have a bonfire. Friday we are supposed to have movie nights, however our projector is currently broken, if someone thinks they can fix it they are more than welcome to try.”

She notices the way Van’s gaze shoots up to him and a smile breaks out on her face. A warm foreign feeling spreads in her stomach at the grin.

“And of course I mentioned yesterday, the Cabin Clean Up Challenge for Sunday Swimming. One last note is that there was a time capsule buried here twenty five years ago, well more like twenty six now. We were supposed to dig it up at the end of last summer but forgot. If campers would like to participate in looking through it you are welcome to, you have to have at least one counselor per group there with you. We’ll do that before lunch. Have a good day at camp!” 

Breakfast resumes and so does the noise. When the clock strikes 10 AM Tai and Van wrangle their group together and lead them to their activity. 

Taissa thought it was funny, labeling one of the activities as Nature, like they weren’t out in the woods every single day at this camp. 

What qualified that as nature and not the normal camp as such was presumably the fact it was more in the middle of nowhere. It took almost fifteen minutes to make it to the Nature Cabin, which like the Archery Cabin contained mostly supplies used for the Ropes Course and things long forgotten.

“Hello everyone.” A girl she had met the previous day named Akilah greeted them. 

“We are going to walk on a trail today, it’s harder than the trails to other cabins around the camp. Our destination is Everet, which is the name of a rock. He’s pretty big and we are going to walk to him. If you wouldn’t like to go, a counselor from your group can stay with you.” 

Randy’s hand shot up, he looked sheepish when everyone turned to him, “Not to say I don’t want to go, seeing trees and uh plants is great, also I’m sure Evan the rock is wonderful. But you know if it comes to it I can keep some kids company.” He swings his hands together, “You know, take one for the team.”

“That’s very nice of you.” Akilah deadpans.

“Alright, how many of you wouldn’t like to go?” Gen asks.

A few kids raise their hands. One of them is a girl who was crying earlier this morning about missing her parents. Another boy is limping from falling yesterday, she hasn’t decided if he’s faking or not, there's no wound or bruise. Three others she doesn’t know walk over to Randy.

“The rest of you should have bug spray on, the worst of them are deeper in the forest. Sunscreen is something you should have everyday but just as a reminder apply it now because we won’t stop for it. Also if you have long hair it’s a good idea to tie it up, we are going to be tightly packed and the heat is cruel.” 

The children prepare themselves for travel, hair up in ponytails and spraying themselves with insect repellent. 

“Fuck.” She hears Van whisper. Her wrist is held somewhat upward, showing it bare of a hair tie.

“Do you need one?” Tai takes one off her own wrist and offers it to her.

“Thank you. My savior.”

Tai chuckles and Van’s fingers brush hers as she takes it. She wraps it around her own wrist and starts braiding her hair. Her bottom lip is tucked beneath her teeth in concentration. It’s almost endearing, cute. When finished the braid is loose and somewhat lopsided, it is threatening to come undone at the bottom. Partially due to fact Tai’s hair tie is larger because her hair is thicker so it doesn’t wrap right around Van’s. Also partially because the braid isn’t well made.

Taissa tries to hide her thoughts of the jumble of hair but Van’s face falls just so when she meets her eyes.

“It’s not that bad.”

Tai doesn’t give a response. She just nods and purses her lips.

“It’s not.”

“It’s just- If I- How?” She tries.

“Oh come on. Like you could do better.” Her shoulders fall slightly.

“I can.” Tai says with certainty.

Taissa gestures for her to sit down in the grass, already sitting on her knees.

“Oh no its-”

“Come on.”

She pats the grass in front of her, giving her a look as if to say ‘don’t leave me waiting’.

Van’s momentary shock wears off as she sits down in front of her without another word. She easily pulls out the hair tie and runs her fingers through her hair, undoing the braid in the process. It’s softer than she expected. She loses herself in the sensation for a little bit, her fingers toy with the orange locks. When the hair is all down before her she runs her hands through the front until her part is gone and takes three small strands. She begins the braiding process, adding more hair each time she moves it over the other sections, always remembering to pull it tight.

“Are you doing the fancy one?” Van asks.

“A French braid?”

“Yeah.”

“Well someone had no faith in my abilities, had to prove her wrong somehow.” She teases

“It wasn’t you I didn’t have faith in. My hair is difficult.” Her voice is softer now and there is annoyance in her words.

She thinks Van has had some of the most manageable hair she has ever braided. It’s straight but with a hint of waves. Not thick or thin. She wonders how she ever came to such a conclusion.

Taissa feels a loss when she has to tie it off. She wants to make some excuse about it being ruined and needing to redo it. Nevertheless she lets it go, the warm feeling of the hair gone from her touch too soon. Van turns around, her expression has more emotion than a quick braiding session should. She averts her gaze quickly.

“Thank you.”

“Any time.” She means it more than Van knows. 

They push themselves to their feet, the rest of the campers look ready to set out.

“Everyone good?” Akilah asks.

She is met with no resistance and with that the group sets out on the trail.

***

The rock wasn’t anticlimactic exactly, maybe Taissa had just set her hopes to high.

“I thought it would be…” Van trails off.

“Nicer Looking?” Tai offers.

“Yeah.”

“Bigger?”

Van nods.

They blink at the rock they had hiked for an hour to see. It was a rock. It was bigger than most rocks. If she saw it in passing she would say ‘wow that’s a big rock’ and move on.

The campers have a similar reaction. They stare at it, blinking, twisting their head to the side.

“Why is it named Everet?” A camper asks.

“I don’t really know. But I’m sure there is an interesting story behind it.” Akilah says.

“Are all Nature Walks like this?” Another camper questions.

“Well no this is a beginner walk.” Gen responds calmly.

“Oh good.” 

Akilah and Gen either pretend not to hear or don’t have a response. They turn so they can lead them back down the path. 

***

An hour before lunch most of the camp is gathered around in the grass near a hole in the ground near the soccer field. According to Nat, Jeff and Travis had dug the hole to the time capsule. 

Coach Scott removes it and with some struggle opens it up. He asks the campers and counselors to sit in a circle. There are too many people so in the end each group is in their own smaller circles. Randy had found some way to opt out again, and was doing god knows what with the rest of the Crickets.

Coach Scott had informed them to be careful with the items. Seemed a bit overkill for things that were twenty five years old. There were eight in total and each group would get one at a time. The first he passed to the Cricket circle was a bracelet. Its colors were somewhat muted and the string had begun to fray but if it wasn’t told it was a quarter of a century old no one would have batted an eye.

“Twenty-five years!” A girl says passing it to her friend.

“That’s so old!” Her friend replies, inspecting it closely.

She tries not to feel offended at that, she has less than a decade till then.

In total there is one bracelet passed out, one pocket knife (Tai isn’t an expert but she is pretty sure that isn’t a good thing to offer to kids), two drawings, and six photos. In two of the photos they could pick out a young Coach Scott smiling at the camera.

When each item had been returned to him he placed them all carefully back in the capsule. 

“I will leave these on a spare table in the Mess Hall so if anyone wants to see it some more they can. After today we will either put them on display or in storage, might be a mix of both.”

The children filter into the Mess Hall for lunch, eagerly making up stories about the kids in the photos and items.

Once each camper has their lunch the counselors are free to sit down themselves. Van walks over to the table with the time capsule. Tai doesn’t know why she follows. She gently runs her fingers over the ends of the photos. 

Jackie walks over as well to see the items. 

“Can I? My group passed them around really quickly and I didn’t get much of a chance to look.”

Van hands her a photo and steps to the side so she can stand in front of it as well. Jackie’s face sours a bit, she furrows her brow and moves the photo closer to her face. 

“Who is that?” She has a finger pointed at a boy.

The picture is of what looks like a boys soccer team. They aren’t dressed in uniforms, rather in colored pennies. They are all lined up smiling. The boy Jackie is pointing to looks no noticeably different from the others.

“How would we know?” Tai counters.

“He looks familiar.”

“It could be Coach Scott. He went to the camp around the same time.”

“No, that’s him. Here.” She points to another boy on the opposite end of the photo who does have an uncanny resemblance.

“I’ve seen him before.” She mutters.

Tai and Van exchanged a confused look.

Her face returned to her usual expression of happiness and content, she placed the photo back on the table and skipped away to where the rest of the Butterfly Counselors were sitting.

“Was what that about?”

“No clue.” Van sighs.

They walk back to their table, time capsule forgotten. It lost its effect as soon as its mystery was uncovered.

Chapter Text

She gets used to Misty’s rude awakenings after a few days. Used to doesn’t mean enjoys, she still hates pulling herself from those warm sheets and the cover of night not yet gone. Luckily the tiredness in the morning wares off with the addition of a curfew. A curfew of 9 PM. She had never had a curfew before. Her mother had never paid enough attention to know or care when she was in the trailer. Her father wasn’t around enough and was truly gone by the time he would have.

  She didn’t think of something to do during the nights at camp when packing so she didn’t pack anything to keep her occupied. She had brought a cassette player but that wasn’t particularly helpful. The kids nor Misty would appreciate rock music filtering through nearly broken headphones past midnight.

She reluctantly admits she feels better rested than she has in a while. Nat knows the most descriptive phrase to use would be ‘a newfound pep in her step’ but she would rather die before saying such a thing in complete seriousness. That ‘pep’ might also come from her hatred for Jackie and their unspoken rivalry to prove who could be the best counselor. 

It’s not a real competition. But if it was, Natalie would win. And she will. Unofficially. But officially. 

She was fine having an unaddressed disliking for each other, she understood the importance of professionalism and didn’t hate people for no reason. 

But yesterday. Yesterday, a boy in her group fell on a rock, a sharp part had cut up his skin pretty badly. His name was Andy, he hadn’t caused any problems and as early teenagers go he was a good kid. Natalie was the only counselor around so she had helped him up and started to walk him to the office connected to the Mess Hall so it could be cleaned and bandaged. From what she knew this camp didn’t have a nurse, blood had never made her squeamish so she didn’t have any issues doing it herself if need be.  

Halfway through their walk she saw wavy dirty blonde hair through the corner of her eye. She had prayed it was someone else, a camper, another counselor. The shrill voice confirmed it.

“What happened?” Okay, her voice wasn’t really shrill but it had the same effect of a such voice.

“He fell, I’ll help him get fixed up. Nothing for you to worry about.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She is walking forward again, Andy clearly not appreciating the exchange.

“I can help.” Jackie tries.

She can’t help scoffing which earns her a glare from Jackie. Could she never take a fucking hint?

“That’s really not needed.”

“But I want to.”

“Don’t you have your own group?”

“Yes but-” She looks actually lost for a second. Her eyes are frantic whatever exterior she holds cracks a bit. It’s just for a second. “I think I should take him.” Her voice is back to demanding.

“It’s really okay.”

“I think I heard Misty asking for you.”

“Jackie-”

Her eyes are widened, she thinks this is the most threatening Jackie Taylor could look. Still a bit like a bunny, an angry bunny. Nat reminds herself that this girl’s parents run the camp and all Jackie has to do is cry and she’s out of the job.

“Fine.” 

She gives a sympathetic look to Andy who by now has blood trailing down his leg to his ankle. He doesn’t give a fuck who takes him there at this point. 

Jackie takes him the rest of the way to the office and Nat walks back to where Misty is. Unsurprisingly Misty didn’t ask for her at all.

Jackie started it. She’ll finish it, even if it takes the whole summer. If anyone asks, it is not childish in the slightest. 

The day so far has been uneventful, she supposes that’s preferable to a kid splitting their knee open every day. Watching the oldest group has its benefits as well as its downsides.

She can trust them more and not watch them every second, by that she means they don’t like her watching them at all, or even being very close to them during their free time. Which means she spends a lot of her time doing nothing.

She wished she could blame them but she wouldn’t have liked it if some adult was watching her as a moody thirteen year old girl. Adult? God, when did that change.

She ends up circling the trails around the main part of camp, never straying too far from where her campers are. After each circle she extends it a bit further until she is blatantly toying with the entrance into the deeper woods. She is debating if it is worth it to just go in. Her group has free time for another hour. They wouldn’t care if she slipped away, they’d likely prefer it.

This thought was broken by the sound of leaves crunching. It was further out than any camper should be. She turned her head, but it was too late by the time she did. No one was there. 

“Hello?”

She heard the leaves that had grown fainter as they passed her come to a halt.

“Hello? Is someone there?”

She walks over to where she heard the leaves crunch. There is no sign of a person but when she turns around prepared to have finished her little adventure for the day she sees long blonde hair on a short little girl who is running in the opposite direction.

“Fuck!” She yells.

She turns around running to the girl. Despite how short she is, she is fast. They run for a long time, Nat is grateful when they finally come to a halt in some clearing. It would be quite beautiful if she wasn’t winded and chasing some kid. 

The only thing in the clearing is a tree, almost exactly in the middle. She looks around at where she came from, completely void of a trail and the sounds of the camp.

The blonde girl blinks back at her cowering in front of the tree. 

“Why are you out here?”

She doesn’t respond and she trembles slightly.

She breathes in deeply, slowly approaching the girl. “Look I won’t rat you out to your counselor, just tell me why you're here. Are you hiding from someone?”

The girl shakes her head.

“Did you get lost?”

She shakes her head again.

“Did you do something?”

She shakes her head a third time.

Natalie sighs. “I can’t keep this up. Just tell me what you did.”

“You promise you won’t tell Jackie?”

It made sense the girl was a Butterfly, she was short and her features lacked major development.

“I promise I won’t tell Jackie.”

“I lost my doll.”

“Here?”

She nods, “Yesterday we went on our Nature Walk and I got lost with some friends. One of them got angry at me for it. She-she thought it was my fault. So she threw my doll in the tree.”

Nat can see tears beginning to well in her eyes and the finger she has pointed at the tree starts to shake. Fuck, she can’t see this girl cry. Watching kids cry has to be in the top ten worst experiences.

“Okay, it’s okay. I won’t tell Jackie. I’ll get your doll back.” She tries to sympathize.

She smiles brightly and wipes the wetness that had formed around her eye, “Really?”

Nat nods. 

She takes another look at the tree. It’s tall, very tall. It doesn’t have any very low branches. She walks around the trunk to try and make out where the doll is. Once she identifies it she sets out trying to climb the tree.

There is no time for doubts on her ability to actually span this thing. There is a slope in the tree, she could run up it and grab a branch. She backs away from the tree, takes a few steading breaths before attempting to run up the trunk. She makes it some of the way but not close enough to grasp a branch. She tries two more times and has the same conclusion.

On the fourth try she resolves to run faster, it will either amount to her holding the branch or getting badly hurt. Possibly both. She makes a run for it, mustering all of her energy from high school soccer, her hand brushes a branch and before thinking too hard she closes her fist around it. 

The branch is now the only thing keeping her in place, her legs dangle uselessly against the trunk. She lifts her other arm and grasps the same branch, moving her body in the direction of it so she can pull herself to a standing position against the sloped trunk. 

Nat gives herself a few seconds before grabbing a new branch and putting her feet down on the old one. Slowly she makes her way towards the doll. When she reaches it she carefully removes all of the twigs caught in its hair. She throws it down to the ground and can make out the figure of the girl retrieving it. 

“Thank you!” She calls up gratefully.

She smiles at the task complete, it dro ps when the girl skips away from the tree and out of the clearing. 

“Hey wait!” She’s too far away to hear her anymore. She can’t even see her. All kids are assholes in the end. 

She will never have one.

She tries to move her leg down to the branch she used to climb up but it feels more unsteady then before. She presses one foot to test it, she hears a crack. Somehow it's worse that she can’t see any sign of distress from the tree. She waits there for a few minutes, no other branch is close enough she won’t fall to her death (or at least terrible injury). After those minutes pass she tests it again. The first foot goes on fine, when she applies her full weight it snaps. She moves her body back so she’s sitting on the other branch just in time. The branch falls to the ground with a loud sound.

“Fuck! Are you fucking kidding me?” She lets out a distressed noise.

The next twenty or so minutes are spent trying to work out a way down. All of them are likely to end up with her on the ground and a broken leg. Then she would have to leave the camp and go back to her mother. 

She could just imagine the look on her face. Returning home after less than a week. Leg in a cast, or arm in a sling. She can’t go back to that trailer, she’s lived in it far too long and she has finally left it behind. That can’t happen. She can’t go back there with her head bowed like some animal. She can’t prove to her mother she was right to never have any faith in her.

She has to find a way down and out of this tree.

After thirty minutes she let her mind wander to other topics besides getting down. At an hour her optimism started to waver. After two hours she stopped screaming for help. She counted leaves to keep herself occupied, she lost count often after fifty. She tried humming as well. Muttering the lyrics of her favorite songs from start to finish. None of it was quite interesting nor made her forget the fact she was stuck in a fucking tree with not a single foreseeable way down.

It dug into her uncomfortably, she could feel the twigs and leaves intertwined with her hair. She stopped staring expectantly towards the clearing entrance, instead redirecting her eyes upwards to the roof of greenery and such. It would be a truly wonderful spot if she was here on her own accord and not here against her will.

Nat can hear the rustling of the grass beneath her but also something that sounds a lot like footsteps. She tries to see if someone is there but her body can’t twist in that direction.

“Hey!” Her voice is hoarse with use.

“Is someone there?” She shouts after having no response.

She can only hear a cricket chirping.

“Fuck!” She bangs her head back against the branch she is laying on and clinging to. She regrets the pang it sends through her skull.

“Natalie?” A soft voice below calls.

The figure backs up so Nat can see the person and she can see her. She has long wavy brown hair and bangs, it’s tied in a loose ponytail at the back of her head. She is wearing a green shirt and jean shorts. Her expression is torn between concern, confusion, and laughter.

“Natalie is that you?”

“Hi, Lottie.” She attempts to sound casual.

There is a beat of silence. 

“Why are you in a tree?”

“Uh you know. Why not? But if you could help me-”

“Why are you inside of the tree?”

She sighs, “A girl lost her doll so I got it back for her.”

“Clearly she didn’t stick around.”

She scoffs, “No, she ran off as soon as she had it back.”

Lottie laughs, full force laughs at the scene before her, “I’m sorry.” She breathes heavily to control herself but breaks out into smaller spurts of giggles. This could not be any more humiliating. 

It dies down eventually and her breathing levels, “I mean it. I’m sorry. I’ll help you get out.”

“You think I haven’t tried?”

Lottie moves to the side and leaves Nat’s field of view.

“Hey. No, no. Where are you going?” She’s practically whining. 

She is never going to live this down.

She sounds amused. “Relax, I’m just trying to find out how to get you out of it. I’m looking for a good branch.”

After a few minutes Lottie speaks again, “I think I found a way to get you down. You see that branch to your right? It’s near your foot.”

“Yeah.”

“I think you could jump down to it and then down to me.”

“No way that’s too far over and down. I’ll fall.”

“No, just jump to it and like, koala hug it. After that you can jump down and I can catch you.”

“Koala hug?”

“You know what I mean .”

Nat groans, “Fine but if I die it’s your fault.”

“Deal.” She agrees.

Natalie turns her body to the right side, when she falls she reaches for anything she can find with her arms and legs. Luckily they find purchase on the branch. She’s halfway down now. She turns her head to see Lottie holding her arms out underneath her expectantly. 

“Ready?” Lottie calls.

“Ready.”

She lets go and it is only a matter of seconds before Nat is in Lottie’s arms. The force of the fall brought them both to the ground, Natalie and Lottie landed with a thud against the grass. There are a few awkward moments as Natalie realizes she is on the ground and fine. Lottie takes away her arms that were encircling her and Nar untangles their legs. 

She quickly checks her body for injuries. Her hands are dirty. Her arms and legs ache somewhat but there is no blood. Just some minor scrapes that didn’t even bleed.

“You okay?” Nat asks.

She nods. She can’t see any noticeable cuts or bruises on Lottie, when they push their way up onto their feet she expresses no signs of pain.

“Sorry for that.”

“Don’t be.”

The two stare somewhat awkwardly at each other with the previous situation now over.

“Why are you here?” Nat asks, she wants nothing more than to forget that situation.

“It’s quiet here. Peaceful.” She answers softly.

Natalie takes a quick look around, she is inclined to agree. It really is gorgeous, it’s almost an entirely circular clearing with one large tall tree in the center. Though her opinion of that tree is not as pleasant as the average passerby would have nor hers if she had stumbled upon this and not had the experience she just did.

“I have to go back.”

Lottie just nodded, standing in place. Nat turned away to leave the clearing. She wanted to turn back, to look at her one last time. She couldn’t understand exactly why her head felt the need to. She’d done enough stupid things for one day she reasoned.

She wills her head to look at the now g rowing forest and her feet to take long strides. She doesn’t know where the fuck she is. Maybe it would have been more humiliating to ask Lottie for directions back into the camp as well. Though getting lost and needing the girl to come to her rescue again was arguably worse. 

Doesn’t matter now, she can’t see the clearing anymore. 

She stumbles through the woods until the trees start to look familiar and she can hear sounds of children. A trail is found soon enough and she can see signs of civilization. The cabins come into view and the first building the trail she walks on leads to is the locker rooms. On the side there is a clothing line that Misty and Jackie hang towels on. Both are busy in their task but Jackie glances at her and Misty notices not long after.

They stare at her blankly for a few moments. She knows her appearance must be wild. Clothes covered in dirt, twigs in tangled hair, skin that’s been skid. 

“Where were you?” Misty asks concern laced in her voice.

“Just out.” She doesn’t feel the need to explain to them.

“You can’t just disappear for so long. Don’t do that again.” Jackie scolds.

Of course that’s what Jackie cares about. She looks like absolute shit and Jackie needs to lecture her about it. All because she couldn’t help her own camper. 

She wants to tell her to fuck herself, to flip her off and turn on her heels.

Instead Nat just smiles at her. She doesn’t know the reason why, likely a multitude of them. The day has been a fucking rollercoaster and she can’t do anything but smile at the pair as they stare at her like she’s utterly insane.

They could be very possibly right.

Chapter Text

The second time she noticed Shauna and Melissa talking she was happy about their growing friendship. She knew Shauna wasn’t the best at making friends. Throughout all of high school she had only had a few of them and almost all she had met through Jackie. Not to say she was bad at socializing, she had many acquaintances and never struggled to converse with a stranger but there were only a few people she would talk to by choice. Jackie could never explain how honored she felt that Shauna had chosen her to be her best friend.

The third time she notices Shauna and Melissa talking she is the slightest bit confused, not hurt. It would be weird to be hurt by your best friend having another friend. And Jackie would never want to harm her friendships. Especially her own friendship with Shauna.

The fourth time she can admit she is a little annoyed. But whatever. Shauna has free will. And yes, this is supposed to be their summer. It was supposed to be their last months of childhood before accepting adulthood together. She knew it was stupid sulking (which was not at all what she was doing) over the girl she would spend the next four years at college with. It didn’t matter if Shauna spent a few months talking to a girl she would likely never see again.

It wasn’t like Shauna was ignoring her, she was still making conversation. She still sat with Jackie at meals and most of the time Melissa was the one who approached her. Maybe Shauna was just being nice to her, she was a good friend after all.

She wanted to find out what drew the two of them to each other. They didn’t have anything in  common as far as Jackie could tell. Shauna liked reading, writing, poetry, and history. Melissa, well, she liked archery and hats. But who knows, she could be really into Emily Dickinson. 

It’s not like Jackie had memorized her favorite poem by her for Shauna. That would be a little strange.

The next time her group has Archery she isn’t looking forward to it as much as the first time. To put that into perspective she wasn’t looking forward to it at all the first time.

They were only about ten minutes or so into Archery when Coach Scott walked over.

“I don’t mean to interrupt but could I borrow a counselor to help with some stuff? It’ll be quick.” 

Jackie is on her feet before he can finish. Laura Lee stands as well.

“I’ll go.” Jackie says.

“Jackie, it’s okay Laura Lee will go.” Shauna says softly.

Laura Lee looks thrilled with the idea of leaving the archery area. She needs to ask her sometime why the fuck she’s so afraid of arrows. 

“No, I want to go.” 

Laura Lee takes a seat slowly, not wanting an argument. She can see the way her face falls when she realizes she’s staying here for the full duration.

Shauna looks confused at Jackie’s decision but doesn’t move to stop her. She just needed to get away from Shauna. She doesn’t know why, she wants to be with Shauna. She wants to be with her all the time. She’ll still think about her even if she is across the camp but her thoughts could be less deafening with an extra mile between them.

“Great. Let’s go.” Coach Scott says, making no notice of the scene playing out before him.

He guides her towards the Sports Cabin next to the field. The walk there doesn’t help her mind as much as she hoped it would.

“So the cabin needs to be cleaned. Basically throw out everything that isn’t sports related. If you're confused just ask me and I’ll tell you what to do with it.”

The job doesn’t look as quick as he had promised. She’s just about to ask how long she has for it when there is a knock on the door frame. Jeff is standing there leaning against it.

“Jeff has volunteered to help you out. Come get me when you’re done and I will take the trash bags.” 

He hands them both a trash bag and leaves the cabin. It’s darker and smaller than the others. The windows haven’t been cleaned in a long time, Jackie is grateful for the dimness no doubt hiding the insects crawling about.

She starts at her task, picking up random papers and meaningless junk, placing them one at a time in her bag.

“I’m Jeff.”

“I know.” She responds quickly with only barely veiled disinterest.

“Really?” He tries to hide a smile.

“Yeah, you told me already.” She looks at him in confusion.

His cheeks turn red. “Oh, I must have forgotten.”

She gives him a tight smile.

“Your parents run this place.”

“Yep.”

“So you’ve been going here a long time.”

“Since I was seven.”

“I’ve been going to summer camps for a while too. Ever since I was nine I would go to a sleepaway camp. It was always more fun than staying at home doing nothing. Randy would come too. I was a counselor first at this camp across Jersey, it was shut down for food poisoning. Shame really.”

“Food poisoning?”

“Yeah, major rat problem. Someone put rat poison in all of our food. No one died but it was on the news and everything.”

“Nothing like that has ever happened here.”

He backtracks. “No, of course not. I didn’t mean to compare the two. This camp is great.” 

Jackie notes he says this while picking up trash in an old cabin.

“I just wanted to tell you about it. Cheer you up. You look like you haven’t had that good of a day.”

Her first thought is how the fuck is this story supposed to cheer her up. She pauses her work and looks up at his face for the first time since starting.

“I didn’t say that.” She defends.

“Sorry, didn’t mean anything by it.” He apologizes.

“I’ve had a great day. I’m at my favorite place with my best friend.” She doesn’t know who she’s convincing.

“That’s nice. I misunderstood that’s all.”

She doesn’t respond. Jackie tries to put more distance between them and crouches down to pick up more trash.

She is at her favorite place she reminds herself. At the camp where so many childhood memories reside. She is here with her best friend of over a decade. Why doesn’t she feel the way she normally does when she steps foot on this grass? 

“I’m sorry. It was a long night. The campers didn’t want to go to sleep. Must have made my brain a little loopy.”

“It’s alright.” She says with real guilt. As much as she didn’t enjoy his company she did have to admit she was being kind of a dick. She didn’t need the list of coworkers who hate her to go up to two already.

“Shauna’s your best friend right?”

“Yeah. We were supposed to spend the whole summer together. Sort of like a last hoorah before college starts.”

“That’s sort of what me and Randy are doing before we go our separate ways. You guys are going to different places too then?”

“Well no.” She frowns. "But a metaphorical goodbye.”

Jeff gives her a strange look.

“Like how you are with Randy. Wouldn’t you want to do the same? Even if you were going to the same college?”

“I don’t think so. I mean I like being with him but I wouldn’t want to be around him all the time.”

Jackie scoffs internally. Isn’t that the whole point of a best friend? Someone you want to spend all your time with. Someone you couldn’t imagine living without. 

She would never tell Shauna but she was so relieved when she told Jackie she was going to Rutgers. A part of her had always known Shauna was above Wiskayok, above shitty suburban New Jersey. She was so unbelievably smart, she had passion and drive that stood out in such a bland place. Rutgers was a good college but Shauna had the grades, extracurriculars, and essay writing skill to go somewhere better. Hell she could have got into a fucking Ivy League if she applied.

She knew this was selfish, she shouldn’t want to keep Shauna away from going further with her life. But she couldn’t bring herself to suggest better college’s to her when they were looking. She had seen the way Shauna’s eyes scanned the higher up college booklets. She was hungry for knowledge and would have been able to see the beautiful life she could have, one without Jackie.

She should have encouraged it, she really probably should have. It would have made her happier in the end. She would be with people like her, people of equal talent and creativity. It was too late now and a part of her liked that.

Her thoughts make the time cleaning the cabin go fast. The room becomes walkable and soon her trash bag is filled to the brim. They go to Coach Scott after with their bags and he thanks them for their help.

“Thank you.” Jackie says when they are both walking back to their separate areas. 

“For what?” Jeff asks.

She shrugs. “Helping, being nice.”

Jackie wishes she didn’t see his cheeks flush at the compliment. 

“No problem. See you around Taylor.” He gives her a salute and runs off in the direction of Nat and their campers. When she sees her she glares at Jackie.

Honestly Jackie had to clue what her problem was. Her suggestion had come off a little harsher than she intended earlier this week. She understood that but the girl was avoiding her like the black plague. She just wanted what was best for the campers, if they didn’t have a problem with it then neither did Jackie. There was no way of predicting they wouldn’t care. 

It’s not like she could apologize now. 

By the time she makes it to archery the Crickets are sitting at the tables and launching arrows. Meaning her group had moved on to Nature. Jackie starts off for the trail; it isn't long before she recognizes the voices coming from some of the campers in her groups.

She can see them next. Akilah is helping put on children’s harnesses and Gen is supervising them as they go through the Ropes Course. It is definitely a safety hazard, something Chef Martinez had brought up to her many times in hopes her parents would change it. She had but they had always been too busy with other work, vacations, or just something else. That was their general attitude towards most things.

She sees Shauna on the outskirts of the course. Her arms are crossed as she watches these kids. Laura Lee is a few steps away. She rests against a tree and looks so much more cheerful then she had been at Archery. 

Really what is her problem with arrows?

She wants to walk into the area, to join Shauna’s side but something pulls at her. Something in her stomach or head or something pulls tight at her when she looks at her best friend. Sure, it always had but this is grasping her, almost suffocating. She doesn’t like it. 

Jackie turns away from the Nature Area and walks in long quick strides away from it. Her eyes fall onto the Nature Cabin and she finds herself grasping at the knob.

It doesn’t open. Shocking truly. She checks her pockets and pulls out a keychain. She didn’t like using her parent’s station for her own benefit, but she wouldn’t say this really classifies as such. She is just opening a door. 

She digs through the keys until she finds the one for the Nature Cabin. She slides it in and twists. The door opens with a loud creek and she promptly shuts it.

This place doesn’t look much different from the Sports Cabin before she and Jeff had cleared it a little while ago. She takes a seat on the floor next to the door. Her body slumps against the wooden wall. She doesn’t pay any mind to the hard rugged surface digging uncomfortably into her back.

She’s so fucking tired and she doesn’t know why. She has been sleeping fine, eating normally, and has been in a great mood up until the last few days where it has slowly been deteriorating.

She tilts her head upwards and closes her eyes. Not to sleep. She’s not sure of the reason. She’s not used to life feeling so uncontrollable and she has absolutely no fucking clue where these feelings are coming from. She doesn’t even know what the feeling she’s trying to label is. 

She reaches her hands out to the floor and lays her palms flat on top of the wood. Her left hand meets paper. She lifts the hand and opens her eyes gazing curiously at the thing before her. It looks like an old newspaper. She picks it up and sets it dutifully on her lap. She can smell the paper, a smell she had grown to associate with Shauna.

What catches her attention is the words printed in bold across the top. “ Boy Found Dead at Taylor Summer Camp .” She wants to laugh because it has to be wrong, no one has ever died here. Her parents had owned the camp for almost twenty years and her grandparents had before that. Never had they mentioned a death and they wouldn’t have kept the camp open if it did, it would tarnish the Taylor image.

She read off the first few paragraphs.

“This Friday a boy named James Conley was found dead at the Taylor’s Summer Camp. He was reportedly found by best friend David and fellow camper Maria. An autopsy has not yet been done on the body but there were multiple visible stab wounds. 

The counselor said he was behaving perfectly normally the day of and days before, making jokes and smiling. Not long after dinner James went missing, the counselors looked for him but found nothing. They decided to continue the search at dawn, his friends were upset by this choice and went looking for their friend . They snuck out after curfew and surveyed the woods. When they found his body in the forest, not far from the lake they alerted their counselors immediately.

The shock of seeing their best friend's mutilated body affected David and Maria greatly, they offer no statement about it at the moment. The counselors and camp owners were horrified by the scene. Other campers say they fear for their safety and some counselors have started to quit. The owners have refused to give a statement at the current time.

This murder is supposedly connected to a series of murders that have taken place around the east coast, mainly in New Jersey. They are almost always in the night, in the wild, and done with violence. There are no clues as to who this killer is but the death of a child will likely increase the search.”

There are images in the article as well. The first displayed on the cover is a boy laying down in a pool of blood, no doubt when they found his body. The image is blurry and the darkness of night makes it hard to identify what the subject is. But it’s him. Scattered throughout the rest of the article are pictures of him and the camp. It’s the same boy she recognized in the picture only two days before. It made her sick to think that she had seen this article or seen him before and didn’t know of his fate.

Has she read this before? Did her parents tell her? Did they hide it intentionally? Has this been the Taylor family secret for years? Is this why her parents rarely step foot on this camp? The reason they observed it with such unspoken disgust she had never understood? 

She just stares at the front image. A boy only ten whose life was ended by some fucking serial killer. She stares until she feels sick and can’t bare it anymore. 

She quickly hurries out of the cabin, slamming the door behind her and retches in the bushes behind it. Her eyes swim with tears and the image from that newspaper just stares back at her when she closes her eyes sharply.

“Jackie?” A voice calls.

She lifts her head still trained on the bushes hoping more of her breakfast doesn’t follow. When she turns Taissa is standing at a fair distance away from her holding a pile of sticks. Not too far enough away she can’t comprehend the look Jackie wears on her face.

“Are you alright?” She spoke gently and there was worry laced in her words.

She tries to nod in agreement but she feels herself gag and turns to avoid throwing up in front of her. She hears the sound of the sticks forgotten on the ground. 

Oh god this is mortifying.

 She heaves again and almost flinches when she feels Taissa's hands in her hair pulling it back and out of her face. 

She doesn’t say anything and waits for Jackie to stop, after a while her breathing becomes better but still not even. 

“You sit here. Don’t move.” She guides her to the steps of the cabin, “I will get you some water.” She wants to laugh at Taissa’s ability to act like a counselor in any situation. 

Her legs tremble as she takes a seat, her arms shake and she holds the wood of the small deck so firmly she worries it will splinter.

Not even a few minutes later Taissa is next to her holding out a cup of water, “Sip it slowly.” She instructs.

Jackie nods and does as she says.

“Are you okay now?”

Her voice is unsteady, “I think so. I guess breakfast just didn’t sit right with my stomach.”

“Did something happen? You look shaken. Really shaken.”

“No. Yes. Sort of. “She doesn’t trust her voice to be strong enough to say anymore. Her tongue feels not her own. Eventually she points to the open door of the cabin.

“In there, on the floor.” She croaks.

Tai gives her a strange look and walks to the door, she twists the doorknob with uncertainty. Taissa then grips it firmly and walks inside, Jackie turns away from her but she can hear the sound of the door creak. There are a few minutes until she exits the cabin, it feels like far longer. She has the newspaper in both of her hands. An understanding forms on her face as her eyes skim over the words.

“Shit.”

Chapter Text

Lottie had always felt overwhelmed by and lonely with the people that surrounded her. She knew those were two contradictory statements. 

In her early life she can remember some semblance of a normal family. Her parents were happily married, they had met under perfectly average circumstances and fell in love the suitable amount. She had friends from the playground and in the classroom. Her parents would take her on trips to the zoo on the weekend. They had never shielded away from the topic of their love for her. Even with her childhood memories holding a sort of haze over them that came with getting older she could picture them well enough. 

Her parents had always wanted a child. The doctors had told them it wasn’t possible but her mother and father had hope. The first time her mother got pregnant it only lasted four months before she miscarried. It had devastated her mother, she couldn’t leave her bedroom, she wouldn’t speak. They never talked about it openly with Lottie but from other family members and photos she had learned. 

Her parents had it all planned out. They had one of those little baby books with fill in the blanks and places for images. Lottie had stumbled upon it once when moving. Her mother had logged everything, symptoms, pregnancy cravings, emotions, appointment dates. There were photos of the bump and her parents smiling together, a hand resting on her stomach. 

The doctor had advised her to never try for a child again for their emotional wellbeing and her mother’s overall health. Her mother had agreed reluctantly, a part of her knew it was for the better. She couldn’t lose a child in her bathroom on a random Saturday twice.

When her mother got pregnant again it came as a surprise to everyone. Her mother hadn’t told anyone besides her father until she was five months pregnant for fear of losing the child. Her pregnancy was healthy all the way through and the birth went smoothly. When the little girl was delivered she was named Charlotte.

It felt wonderful being spoiled with love through her childhood. She had appreciated the money they had, sure. They would buy her whatever she wished for with little to no hassle. That was quite nice, but the love and joy directly only at her felt incredible.

Being tucked into bed every night with a kiss on her forehead, her father bringing her into work occasionally and always reminding associates of his lovely daughter who perhaps could follow in his footsteps. Just for those certain days he made an exact replica of his briefcase made of her, the only noticeable difference was the initials stitched into the leather. 

She hadn’t realized how normal the treatment was until it had stopped.

She knew later on that she grew to be an odd child. To quiet at times, to loud at others. She saw things that weren’t there and made nonsense of things that were. She had thought she could convince her parents, make them understand the way things really were. 

Eyes couldn’t trick you could they?

 They had tried to be polite at first, faking understanding. She knew it was time to stop making them try and believe after the late night fights became a daily occurrence. 

They were desperate to help Lottie return to her normal self. They scheduled appointments with every well known psychiatrist and therapist they could find. They attended all her appointments at first, they spoke in detail of her behavior and were adamant in their involvement in helping her.

There came a time where they registered that Lottie would not get better, this was something she would have forever. It was woven into her.

That was the breaking point for her parents. Before they had thought of Lottie as the victim of some terrible illness. One that money and love could erase and build her anew, but when it became apparent that it was a part of her, something shifted.

The fights between her parents then became not limited to nighttime, soon they were constant. On a sunny afternoon in middle school her mother proclaimed they were leaving. Lottie couldn’t argue, there was no difference it could make, a maid had already packed up her belongings and most of the furniture. 

She didn’t know where she was heading until she had arrived at a big house in the suburbs of New Jersey. She did what she was asked of to make her mother happy. It didn’t take much, it’s not like she paid attention. She attended her private school, she took her medication, she behaved as a normal teenager should. Or she tried to.

Her mother had lost interest in parenting her. She knew she still loved her but her eyes were too much like her fathers, the one that had left them both.

Her form of parenting shifted to less and less time spent together, until it only meant she paid for weekly therapy appointments.

Lottie had gotten used to them. She had been going ever since the car accident when her parents declared something was wrong with her. The harsh white light in the waiting room filled with other children and teens, some of them looked troubled, others normal. She wasn’t sure which she appeared to be. The woman always sat with her legs crossed and a pad of paper. The smell was clinical but wished to be comforting, it had all become second nature to her a long time ago.

Her therapist had agreed to tell her parents she believed her mentally fit to spend the full nine weeks of camp without a meeting, on the condition that Lottie took up a hobby to spend her time, something material she could show for at the end of the summer. 

When she first said that she had assumed she had a variety of options. In reality there were only two. She could write in a dairy or have a sketchbook. 

She had never liked writing much. She did it for school and she wasn’t bad at it. In fact if it was about a history topic she could write over ten pages easily ignoring the cramps in her hand. The one topic in school she had excelled at. But writing about her life? What a boring topic. 

Drawing was fine. She could appreciate a good piece of art. She got by on her art classes in school (there was almost no way to fail, private school parents tended to be pissed if their child failed a creative course). But that didn’t mean she wanted to do it everyday, nor was she that good at it.

The sketchbook was what she chose in the end, it didn’t matter. Her drawings could look like shit and she could declare it was abstract and centered on emotion. Her therapist would believe it. Maybe actually be proud of her for ‘letting it overtake her’.

The only reason her parents decided she had to see a therapist was to keep her medicated. Which she still was. Her final send off was a few bottles of pills with her name on the label and making her promise to take them.

The deal was she played the perfect little counselor at camp for two months. The picture of normalcy and having a bright future ahead of her. If she did a good enough job she could take a gap year traveling without supervision. 

To her it was a gap year. Her father didn’t expect her to attend college. He had hinted over the last few years that afterwards he would buy her a place and supply her money so she could live out her life as she pleases.

To her it wasn’t the kind gesture he thought it was. He didn’t think she could do it. It infuriated her. This man hadn’t been in her life for years now and he believed he had the jurisdiction to say such a thing?

She had decent grades and a fair amount of extracurriculars, she knew she could get into a good college. She didn’t care for Ivy’s or prestigious colleges. She just wanted a place she could study something she cares about.

The point of the gap year was to see the world she had never gotten to see, to get to make the choices in her life for once.

One would think given her parent’s money and resources that they would have taken her anywhere and everywhere she pleased (at least before the incident) though now that she thinks about it she's surprised she wasn’t shipped off to boarding school. 

She had been to a few American cities, but none more recently than when she moved from New York City.

She had lacked freedom her whole life, this was the closest thing she had gotten for as long as she could remember and she needed to keep it. If this was just a taste of it she needed to swallow it whole.

She tapped her pencil against the top of her almost empty sketchbook. She had tried to do a few drawings in the first few pages but they had all been too unrealistic, they warped themselves until Lottie could no longer tell what they were supposed to be. 

She sits against a tree near the soccer field as the Fireflies play. Kevyn had headphones in and could care less about the game. Mari is watching them more closely but her gaze drifts ever so often. Who would be thoroughly entertained by tweens playing soccer?

The kids take the game seriously, some of them are decent. Most of them suck. She wasn’t great at soccer, her school hadn’t offered it as an option for the girls. Instead she played volleyball, it wasn’t as fun but it gave her an excuse to prolong the inevitable return home.

She had enjoyed playing it. It gave her something to do, something to get better at, people to talk to. 

The pencil she rested on her sketchbook still hadn’t made any marks on the paper. She looked around for inspiration. Her options were limited to trees, grass, and the Mess Hall. She feels the dread of this horrid homework she was assigned. What snaps her from her thoughts is the sound of more campers approaching.

The Grasshoppers are walking towards them, some of them have taken seats already on the benches not too far off. 

“Schedule change. There was a bear sighting on our way to the lake. We told Chef Martinez and he said to just go to the activity after and wait.” Jeff says when Lottie and Mari offer him confused looks.

Kevyn still hasn’t realized they have company. Mari gives him a nod of understanding and he returns a grateful smile. 

The campers spread out, a few she was pretty sure wandered off into the woods. Probably not what one should do when there is a bear in somewhat close proximity. 

Jeff takes a seat at a table, the campers sitting are quick to add him into their conversation. Misty is doing something in the dirt. She doesn’t care to know what Natalie leans against a tree near the game so she can watch the campers. She can see her face scrunch up in scrutiny as she watches.

Lottie is looking at her face from a purely opinionless standpoint. She is beautiful, that sounds too wrong of a word for her. Too overused, too cliche. She doesn’t know how to describe it, or why she is drawn to it. 

Her features are conventionally attractive, not like something you see in a magazine with an artificialness only lightly veiled. No, she is entirely raw.

 Her skin is pale, her jawline is sharp, her nose is something like upturned, her eyes look blue but the color is hard to deem with the eyeliner that is lined around them, her lips are expressive, Lottie can see every time she is pleased with a move a camper makes in the game or if it upsets her. There is always a small grin or a frown, a look of annoyance, a quirk of confusion.

The hair shouldn’t work so well with her face but it does. The bleached messy mullet with dark brown roots starting to show is nothing like she has ever seen before on someone and she finds she likes it. At least on Natalie.

She hadn’t noticed this the days at camp that had passed even sitting at the same table during meals. She hadn’t noticed when she saw her in the tree. Though that really would have been a strange thing to notice. (‘Hey, do you need help getting down? Wow you’re really hot.’ That’s not fucking weird at all). 

The eyes she was studying feel harder now, more focused. It takes Lottie a second to understand it’s because they are already trained on her. Maybe flat out staring at someone is a bit obvious. 

She doesn’t know what she can do to try and justify it without making it weird but there is no time to think of that because Nat is walking towards her. 

She takes a seat in the grass in front of Lottie, still at a safe distance but it feels close. 

“Writing anything interesting?” She gestures to the sketchbook in her hand.

“No, I don’t write. Not the dairy type.”

“I just assumed with Shauna and her little journal she keeps everywhere. I didn’t know if the writer thing was contagious.”

“Nope, the only thing I was ever good at was writing history papers.” Great Lottie, that’s not a weird indeed detail at all.

“What is it then?”

“A sketchbook.”

“You like drawing?”

“No, I just need something to do.” She lies. “ It’s so boring sitting here.”

“Oh yeah, your group sucks at soccer.”

“I know.”

“No.” She emphasizes. “They really suck. I was on my soccer team in high school and middle school, we sucked but I could have beat these kids when I was their age easily.”

“If you’re looking for me to defend their honor it’s not going to happen.”

“Do you not like kids?” Natalie questions.

“Not really.” There is no point in lying.

“Why are you here?” 

“Why not?” She shrugs.

“Fair enough.”

“Why are you here?”

“Why not?” She mirrors with a shrug of her own.

Silence between them and noise from the campers takes over a little bit. It’s not long after Lottie and Nat can’t bear to watch the kids humiliate themselves further.

“Can I see your sketchbook?”

Lottie hands it over. Natalie holds it with delicacy in her lap. She flips the pages carefully with black polished nails. She can’t quite make out her expression as she observes them. Finally she lifts her head.

“What are they supposed to be?”

“Normal things.”

“They don’t look normal.”

She sighs. “I know.”

“Is there anything you’re really good at drawing?”

“Are you calling my drawings shit?”

“No, but they’re.” She struggles for words. “Abstract.”

“I’ve been told I’m not terrible with portraits.”

“So draw one.”

She’s taken aback by the sudden request. “You make it sound so simple.”

“It is.” To prove her point Nat flips to the end of the sketchbook. She takes the pencil that has fallen to the grass and picks it up in her right hand. She scribbles for a few minutes before turning the sketchbook to show a smiley face.

“It took you a few minutes to do that?” She questions.

“Fuck off! It’s art.” To prove her point she does a signature at the bottom of the page. 

“Now you try.”

Lottie stares at the girl quizzically before her. She doesn’t know why she is trying so hard to be nice to her or show an interest in something she thinks Lottie enjoys doing but absolutely does not. That’s when it hits her. She is trying to express her gratitude for helping her out of the tree situation.

“I don’t know who to draw.”  

“Yourself?”

“No.” That drawing would be more confusing and warped than any she had ever done before.

“Me?”

“Sure.” Lottie says softly. 

She had never felt like she needed to make something so perfect. No drawing she made could compare to her and now Nat was sitting in front of her expectantly. 

She lowers the pencil to the paper and removes it a few times before finally setting it down and starting the first line.

“Should I sit a certain way?”

“No, where you are is fine.” She cannot describe how foolish she feels right now having Nat sit perfectly still waiting to see some great drawing that will inevitably look like shit.

The minutes pass and the drawing starts to form into a person, more details are added and it becomes something like Natalie. She adds thin and thick lines, she moves her pencil in different strokes, she shades, and uses her fingers to blend. She can only pray it looks alright.

“It’s not good.” She warns when she’s finished.

“Whatever.”

“I’m just warning you.”

Nat gives her a look and she can only hand over the sketchbook in response.

“It's…” 

Lottie internally cringes.

“Not bad.”

“I tried.”

“I know. Thank you.” Her voice is quieter. 

“Lottie we have to go.” Mari is standing behind Nat. She didn’t realize the game had finished. Even Kevyn had got up and was guiding the group towards the trail to Nature. 

“Okay.” She responds.

Lottie gets up quickly and mutters a goodbye to Natalie still sitting in the grass. Only later does she recall she doesn’t have her sketchbook in hand.

Chapter Text

Van Palmer had known she was a lesbian for a long time. Not longer than the people around her. Even if most of them never outright said she could feel their judgments and opinions almost radiating off of their skin for as long as she can remember.

They first critiqued the way she dressed. Her mother had been upset that she wore boy’s clothes and the kids at school found the habit weird as well. It didn’t matter to her, it’s not like many of them treated her badly for it, they just found it strange. Boy’s clothes were cheaper anyway.

As time passed and the children learned more from the media and their parents,  they started distancing themselves from her. It took her a long time to notice the change and she didn’t understand why until sixth grade. 

Every school she had gone to didn’t have much money to spare, that included her middle school. They went on a field trip at the end of sixth grade. While most of the other schools in the area went to arcades or trampoline parks or even museums her school chose the only field trip that was free, which was the public park. The kids were buzzing with energy and excitement even though they were just going to the park only one mile away from their school and most of them had been to it countless times. It still served a purpose, the purpose to skip class. 

She had just been walking around the park not long after their arrival, deciding if she should bolt for the swings now that would soon be occupied or walk through the woods that would be much less cluttered with fellow children. She was going to be here for a few hours so it was important to make this decision quickly and with care. Before she could make a decision a boy shoved past her, rather violently.

“Dyke.” 

Van didn’t know what the word meant, she had never heard the word before. It didn’t matter, she knew she wasn’t the best when it came to school, especially English class. There were plenty of words she didn’t know. Sure the way he spit the word almost venomously was odd but what did it matter if she didn’t even know what it meant?  She willed herself to forget about the exchange, she didn’t even talk to him anyway.

She had told Natalie about it in passing when she had successfully secured herself a spot on the swing and Nat who had the same idea had done so herself. Nat had asked his name very calmly, Van told her, albeit with some confusion. She sat up from the swing and walked calmly away.. She didn’t think the day could get much weirder but she came back a few minutes later with some blood on her right hand.

“What the fuck did you do?” Van asked incredulously.

She didn’t need Nat to answer because a teacher grabbed her by the arm.

“You’ve really done it this time haven’t you. Punching another child? In front of everyone while we are all enjoying our reward?” She hissed.

The boy slowly came into view from behind the teacher, he was clenching his nose which was dripping blood onto the ground. His hand and shirt were already stained red. He glared murderously at the two girls.

“Natalie.” She sighed. “I really don’t want to do this today. The school year is almost over and this is supposed to be a fun day. Just apologize to the boy and we’ll work out a simple punishment for you when we get back.”

“No.” She said quickly and steadily.

“No?” 

“No. I will not apologize to him.” She replied like it was the only possible option.

“You do understand that if you apologize I can give you detention today after school and just be done with the whole thing. If you refuse I’ll have to up it to at least a week.”

“Okay.” She nodded.

Nat was the only one who got punished. The boy had tried to blame it on Van too but there was no way he could convince the teacher. She was given detention after school for a week and to write a paper about the harm of physical assault each day. 

Van had hung around the school during that week out of gratitude and shame. As soon as detention was over she would walk up to Nat, acting like she had a different late assignment everyday she needed to stay after to work on. Nat knew and tried to tell her to just leave at dismal but every day she repeated the cycle.

That was how Van learned what a dyke was and that apparently she was one. Except she didn’t feel like one. After that she had paid attention to the way people said the word. They spat it, they enunciated every letter, they made their hatred visible through it. 

She learned that people thought it was a bad thing to be and that the people who were one looked and acted different. Van had a different sense of style then most and didn’t like boys but she didn’t like girls either. 

She only let it get to her at times. The girls in her class spoke about their crushes in such a peculiar way. In some ways she found it stupid, the way they let their entire world limit to a boy. In other ways she found it sweet, the way being around them filled them with so much joy, it had to be wonderful. She wanted that but no boy caught her eye or heart.

During seventh grade she realized they were right all along, she did like girls. There was no point in lying to herself after the proof, everyone else already believed it. It’s not like she would openly speak about it, or even hint at it. But she couldn’t try to fit herself into a box she had been forced out of before she knew what it was.

It got easier with passing years when she learned more things about the world. She loved movies and she had never had a day as memorable as when she found out lesbian movies existed. Because that proved there were people like her. Enough people they made tens of movies that required so many actors and hundreds of crew members. 

It gave her hope that maybe this town was just shitty and she could leave to a place where she could just be herself and no one would bat an eye.

Nat told her she was bisexual only a year after she had found out she herself was gay. She didn’t know why she was so shocked. People whispered the same things about Nat, not as much as her own but the rumors were still there. In ninth grade some students had briefly thought they were dating much to their dismay.

Van’s sexuality became a fact of life. She was gay, the world sucked when it came to accepting it. It was just true. Maybe the world would change, hopefully it did. 

Her liking girls was just something she couldn’t change. Her starting to like Taissa was something she would like to change.

Tai is great, wonderful even. Taissa was incredibly intelligent, kind (though she tried to hide it for reasons Van wasn’t sure of), determined, stunning, and she was also straight. 

Van didn’t need confirmation from her. Taissa looked normal, she was the perfect girl. There was no way she could be gay. 

In the short time she had spent at the Taylor’s Summer Camp she had become friends with Tai, and she valued that friendship. When the summer ended they would part ways. Tai would go off to a fancy college, become a great lawyer, find some nice man to marry, and have children. Jesus, why is she thinking this far ahead? 

The point is she can deal with a little school girl crush for two months. 

“Van?” Nat asks.

The two of them are sitting in the empty girls locker room. While she can admit this is a terrible place to hang out, it is free from the heat and no one has yet randomly walked in. Nat is laying on a bench smoking a cigarette, Van sits on the next bench over leaning against the wall.

“Yeah?” 

“Are you even listening?”  

The answer is no, Van has been completely spaced out for at least the last five minutes thinking of a particular coworker.

“Yeah.”

Natalie gives her a skeptical look and then continues speaking. “She was so fucking rude after I was trapped in a tree! A tree! I saved her little campers toy from a tree and she lectures me-”

“Did she know you were in a tree?”

“That’s not the point.” She says, taking a drag. “I saved the kids toy and she still treats me like shit.”

“Have you even spoken to her since then?”

“Whose side are you on?”

“Yours obviously! She was being a bitch first but now you’re both being immature assholes.”

Nat tilts her head to the side and makes an expression that only proves her point about her being childish.

“Look, I'm not defending her at all. Almost every interaction I’ve had with her she’s been rude, but you have to notice she’s been off recently.” 

“Maybe Shauna’s angry at her or something.”

“Maybe.”

“What’s that?” Van motions to the black notebook on the floor that Nat’s free hand brushes across every so often.

“Lottie’s sketchbook.” She hums.

“Why do you have it?”

“She left it yesterday, I’ll try and give it back.”

“Fuck we’re going to be late.” Van sighs.

“For what? There’s nothing right now.”

“That Cabin Clean Up thing.”

Nat groans, “Are you serious? I have to convince a bunch of teen girls to clean their room?”

“Good luck.” Van smirks.

“Fuck you.” Nat mumbles.

Nat stubs out her cigarette and they leave the locker room with a parting wave and start their respective walks towards their cabins. When she gets a few meters away from the Crickets Cabin she can already hear Tai shouting at the girls.

“Holly, why is your blanket on the floor almost ten feet away from your bunk? We are supposed to be cleaning up, not making things worse. Pick it up.”

Van opens the door to find Tai standing in the middle of the first room with her arms crossed. Her eyes land on Van. “Where were you?”

“I was talking with Nat. Sorry, I lost track of time.”

“You should have been here at least ten minutes ago, they’ll come check the cabin in less than twenty minutes and we’re nowhere near ready.”

“I’m sorry.” She says truthfully.

Tai looks like she wants to stay more but stops herself. “Whatever. Just help them out.”

Taissa goes into the other room. She had known Tai was competitive but this seemed different. She was snappy and been cold. She had seen her act like this to some of the campers before but now it was directed towards Van. Tai’s jaw was tight, her eyes looked a little lost. 

Van complies and assists the children in putting away their things. She sweeps the floor and by the time Coach Scott and Chef Martinez come the whole place is spotless. They compliment the campers along with Taissa and Van on their work.

After they leave Tai lets the girls wander for free time and slumps against her bed. Van watches carefully from the other room. She knocks softly on the doorframe.

“Are you okay?”

She nods.

Van doesn’t know what to do from here. She doesn’t want to leave her, she doesn’t look okay but she doubts anything she says will match her stubborn nature. She is about to step into the room when she hears a voice.

“Taissa? Van?” 

She turns to see Coach Scott.

“Hey sorry to be back so soon. Is one of you good with tech? We have a TV and we like to let the campers watch movies on Fridays. It’s broken possibly, I’m not really sure. You don’t have to have it finished today or even this week. Any help would be great.”

“I can try. I’ve worked on some stuff before.” Van says.

“Thank you, it’s in the Mess Hall in the corner right now near the office. I would take you down there and tell you about it but I have to speak to Chef Martinez.”

Van steals one last glance at Tai who is avoiding her gaze, she turns on her heel and exits the cabin.

***

She was good with technology, she couldn’t code or anything but she was better at using it then most of her friends and previous classmates. It had a certain pleasantness it allowed her. She could access the problem and then find a solution. There was always an answer, it was either fixable or not. Like math except actually useful. 

The TV Coach Scott showed her was practically shot. It was an older model then even the one at her home and that was saying something. Personally Van didn’t see how the entire camp was going to watch this TV, but whatever. It gave her something to do.

She worked intently on it for a while, she had identified the problem with it but she wasn’t yet sure how to fix it.

“Hey.”

She looks up to see Coach Scott standing in the entrance to the Mess Hall. 

“We’re going to have dinner in not too long. Do you think you can get it up and running?”

“I’m not sure yet but I’d like to keep working.” She said earnestly.

She liked being at the camp but the introduction of movies, even if only once a week would make the whole experience better. 

“It’s okay that it’s not finished, or even if you don’t fix it. It’s pretty old.”

“Still I’d like to try.”

“Sure, but you have to finish up for the day soon.”

“Okay.” 

Van carefully pieces things back together and places the TV away. 

***

Tai had still been off when she returned to her group, at dinner, and now sitting in their respective beds after the campers had been put to sleep. The whispers of the children had drowned to silence, it was almost worse.

It could be that nothing was wrong. It could be Van is making something out of nothing, that her little crush is just jumping to conclusions and it probably is.

Tai is wearing an old high school soccer t-shirt and pajama shorts, her hair is wrapped in a silk scarf. She is reading a giant book that Van thinks cannot be interesting in the slightest.

She is pretending to be fascinated with her fingernails, she doesn’t think she’s doing a good job.

Don’t talk , she tells herself because there is no reason to. Tai is busy, she doesn’t even notice Van is across from her. It’s not like she feels her presence like a comfortable and terrifying weight on her the way Van does.

“Hey.” Great Van .

Tai looks up and blinks, broken from her reading trance.

“Yes?” She asks.

“Are you okay?”

She laughs lightly. “Yeah. Why?”

“You looked a little upset today.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Yeah. Sorry I asked.”

“Jackie’s been weird.” Van is thrown by the sudden change in topic.

“Hasn’t she always been?”

“No.” She looks to be fighting for words before reaching under her bed and pulling out what looks to be a newspaper. She holds it out to Van. 

She reads through the first page, then reads through it again. It leaves a sick feeling in her stomach. 

“Is it real?”

“Maybe. I don’t think so. Jackie does.”

“Why don’t you?”

“It would have been somewhere. Really? A serial killer who killed people in the middle of fucking Jersey and it’s never been spoken of? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Van doesn’t say anything.

“Really fucked her up when she found it. I guess it makes sense if her parents were hiding it. But even if it is real, it was over twenty years ago.”

“Still a horrible thing, someone’s kid died.”

“Possibly.” 

Van looks at her skeptically. “You think someone faked the newspaper?”

“I don’t know.” She sighs, exasperated. “I don’t know.” She says more quietly.

“Hey, it doesn’t matter. You’re right it was so long ago even if it’s true. There’s no point in getting caught up about something back then.”

“I’m not.” She  snaps. “Taylor’s the one who needs to pull herself together.”

She doesn’t have anything to say to that. 

With the silence Van can’t help but think if tonight was similar to the night that boy died. The same trees, same cabins, same paths. All so unchanged but foreign.

“Please don’t tell the campers.” Tai says. “Whether it's real or not they’ll twist it.”

“Of course, I can only imagine the stories they would come up with.”

Tai nods gratefully.

“Thank you.” 

“What for?” Van asks.

“You know.” She doesn’t but she doesn’t want to ask. She doesn’t want to hear that she’s a good friend because it feels so fucking fake. She does care about Tai and she wants to be her friend but god this summer will be far too long with her around constantly.

“Are you going to bed soon?” Tai questions.

“Yeah, probably.” 

“Can I do your hair?”

Van is surprised by the question.

“It’s just…You said you didn’t like it pulling in your sleep and it got in your face.” She looks down with embarrassment, Van has no clue why.

“Sure.” She replies softly.

Van takes a seat on Tai’s bed, crossing her legs and facing their window. Tai moves so she is sitting directly behind Van. Her fingers card through Van’s hair gently. She can’t help closing her eyes.

She gets up and for a second Van wonders if she's leaving, she hates the way her heart lurches. 

“Where are you going?”

“Relax.” She laughs. “I’m just getting a brush.” 

“Oh.” Her cheeks tinge red.

She picks up Van’s hairbrush on her dresser, still wearing a lingering smile when she sits back down. 

Tai combs through the hair, she doesn’t do it with haste, she isn’t rushing. She separated sections of hair. Her fingers brush against her neck as they move pieces around so she can untangle more. 

 Van is so glad she isn’t facing her because she has no doubt her entire face and neck is red as a tomato. One of the perks of being super pale.

Every person who has ever done her hair has treated it like a chore. As a young child her mother would say it was too difficult, she would pull the hair until tears well in her eyes and always do it up too tight, she never had proof but she always thought the intention was to hurt. Not much, but just to have the hair tie pulling her scalp enough for her to have the reminder of her inconvenience.

The girls at school had braiding circles often, they would giggle and whisper. They would try out fancy hairstyles, sometimes they would work, sometimes they wouldn’t. She was never invited to such circles. It took her a while to realize it was because they were afraid of her. Her falling in love with them or some bullshit, just by touching their fucking hair.

Maybe it wasn’t bullshit if the girl currently doing her hair is making her stomach flip. Much to Van’s disappointment it’s not the fancy braid from before, just a normal one. It makes the whole affair take much less time.

“You didn’t do the other kind of braid.” She whispers, and okay she really has to stop letting her thoughts flow right out.

“I didn’t think it would be as comfortable to sleep in.”

“Oh.” The small act of kindness feels like too much.

“I can do other kinds if you like. Dutch braid, Fishtail, there’s a lot.” 

“That’s okay, thank you.”

“It’s fine. I like it.”

There is no more to be said after that. They turn out the light in the room and Van lays down to rest. She can still see the dim light of Tai’s flashlight from behind her as she continues reading her book even when turned towards the wall in front of her. 

She can almost picture the girl on the other side of the room. Her flashlight as close to the book as possible to keep it dark in the room, her body stiff so the motions won’t accidentally wake Van.

She hears the soft click of the flashlight and then the pair are engulfed by darkness. She can hear the soft rustling of the sheets as Tai settles into bed. Minutes pass, maybe half an hour, maybe an hour Tai’s breathing becomes heavier as she falls into sleep.

Van lays awake longer still. Her body is spent with hours in the sun and working crouched over a TV but her mind is bustling with thoughts of Tai. They aren’t even concrete. It’s just replaying's of the feeling of her fingers in her hair, the sound of her voice, the way her eyes look in the sunlight.

The braid in her hair feels tighter than any had ever before despite being loose enough it’s comfortable but not enough to fall undone.

Chapter Text

“Jackie?” 

Shauna is met with no response.

“Jackie?” She tries again.

She hears a groan from the girl still laying in bed. Her limbs are spread carelessly underneath the thin sheets, the only part of her truly visible is her disheveled dirty blonde hair.

“Seriously you have to get up. I let you skip breakfast because you wanted to sleep in but we have to go to swimming now.”

“I can’t.” Her voice is a borderline whine.

“Yes you can.” Shauna knows she sounds annoyed, she doesn’t try to hide it.

“I don’t feel well.” She moans.

She sighs. “I know. You’ve been acting like this for a few days now.”

“No, that was different. I have cramps.” She draws out the last sentence.

Shauna mutters. “Whatever.” 

There’s nothing she can do. Jackie has always gotten the final fucking say in everything. Every school project, every conversation, everything. She had her way her whole life and there was no way it was stopping now just because Shauna Shipman asked her to do her job.

She walks out of the room, closing the door a bit harsher than needed. She meets Laura Lee at the front of the cabin with the campers.

“She won’t come out. She doesn’t feel well.” 

“I suppose we can watch this many kids with only two people.” She looks entirely unconvinced and holds her necklace tightly.

Shauna doesn’t point out they had done it before when Jackie left to help Coach Scott a few days ago. 

“We’ll just be at the lake, Travis is the lifeguard anyway so he’ll help.”

“I really think we should have another counselor-” 

“Do you guys need help?”

And of course Jeff has appeared out of thin air and is standing with a bright smile on his face.

Shauna is just about to say no when Laura Lee responds. “Yes, we need a spare counselor to take the kids to the lake.”

“I would be happy to.”

“Actually-” She tries but Jeff cuts her off.

“It’s okay. My group has free time right now and you know how teenagers are.”

Shauna is ninety percent sure she walked past him less than ten minutes ago being begged by a group of boys to play volleyball with him.

“Where’s Jackie?” She hates how she can see his smile widen with the thought of her.

“She isn’t feeling well today.”

Jeff’s smile slightly falters, Shauna can tell he’s rethinking this whole offering help situation. She silently prays he changes his mind and says something.

“Great, let’s go.” Laura Lee says with her usual chipper tone, not noticing the scene happening before her.

All three counselors lead the way to the lake. Out of all the activities here, swimming is easily one of the least enjoyable ones in Shauna’s opinion. The lake itself is beautiful, there is an amazing view of mountains and the water isn’t unrelenting. 

Lots of places are better when you’re not watching fifty kids. The water is also fucking freezing which definitely makes it more dislikable.

The children hurry into the water, she knows she should yell at them not to run for risk of falling. It’s what Jackie would do in a way that would somehow end up being polite. But Shauna isn’t Jackie and honestly she doesn’t care enough, they’ll probably be fine.

She can hear the squeals from the children in the water. The laughs as kids splash each other. The gasps of children being betrayed by their friends by being dunked into the cold too soon. She remembers being that, she wasn’t sure exactly when it had forever changed.

Laura Lee takes off her shoes and wades a few inches into the water. She watches the kids for their own safety, it’s for the best, Travis is a pretty shitty Lifeguard.

From her interactions with him he seems nice enough, just bad at his job. She has no doubt his father forced him into taking a job here.

Shauna takes a seat on a log of wood, it’s a little ways off from the water but close enough no one would think she isn’t watching them. She wished she brought one of her books, she had expected to talk with Jackie at the lake and didn’t want to risk reading a book from the Brown summer reading list in front of her. She knew Jackie wouldn’t be aware of it, she could always brush it off and say she picked out the book just because. Jackie would believe her, she barely read when it wasn’t assigned by school. But it felt safer, keeping the two things separate. 

Now she is sitting near a lake with nothing to keep herself occupied. She can feel something behind her, she hopes it’s just a tree or something that she has never noticed is in this spot and that can grow through a pebbled beach.

Sadly it’s not a tree, it’s Jeff.

“Can I sit here?” 

“Sure.” Shauna scoots over so he can have room to sit.

“It must be fun working with the little kids.”

“It’s nice.”

“The older kids are too. In a different way I suppose.”

“I would assume so.”

“What made you decide you wanted to work with the younger kids?”

She gave him a confused look. “We all get randomly assigned.” 

Well, in her case she technically didn’t but that was the principle of it, and besides he didn’t have it know that.

“Right yeah.” He mutters dumbly.

The conversation dies, much to her liking. Or so she thinks before he speaks again.

“Do you know when Jackie will be better?”

Jesus Christ, could this boy be any more obvious?

“Soon, probably later today.”

“It’d be nice to talk to her.”

Shauna hums in agreement.

“Jackie is really nice, she’s so kind.” He reminds her of a lovesick puppy.

Okay, so he’s not even attempting to hide it anymore. 

“She is.” She acknowledges because as much as she hates this boy that’s the one thing he’s right about.

“Do you?” He pauses. “Do you know if she has a boyfriend?”

If it was socially acceptable she would get up from where she is sitting and just walk away without another word. Unfortunately she is a mostly normal member of society so she stays rooted in her spot despite how badly she wants to leave. It’s because the answer is no. Jackie is not dating anyone and that means Jeff will take the opportunity. 

Jeff is nice enough, he could be funny in someone’s eyes, his looks are above average. So it's no surprise he liked Jackie. She can just picture the two of them together, with their dirty blonde hair and matching radiant smiles. It makes her nauseous.

“No.”

He tries to look unaffected, he’s doing an awful job.

“Oh ok. Do you know if she likes anyone?” He attempts to look casual by making random shapes in the rocks with a stick.

“Not that’s she’s told me of.” And that was true. Jackie was always quite open about her love life, every aspect of it. The boys who asked her out, the ones that were hot, the ones she could picture herself dating. As the years passed she had spoken less and less about boys, she guessed it was just her growing out of middle school habits. Shauna didn’t care much for the reason she was just glad to be freed from it.

“Do you think she’d like me?” He asks softly.

Shauna wanted to shrug, she wanted to give some nonsense answer that would push Jackie and Jeff away. She was already being transparent about her disliking for him (something he was either blatantly ignoring or not bright enough to pick up on). Why should she try and hide it?

“Yeah, sure. Maybe.”

She wants to tell him no, but it would be wrong. Jeff is exactly the kind of person Jackie would like and Shauna is in no position to play the upset best friend and take away things that could be a source of happiness to her.

She still hasn’t told Jackie about Brown and a week has already passed. Yes, she still has eight more weeks to go but each day she wakes with dread for telling the girl and it is only growing each sunrise.

Jackie might not even talk to her after she tells her. So what did it matter if she dated Jeff? At least she could have someone to talk and complain about Shauna to when she does tell her.

Jeff breathes a sigh of relief and chuckles. 

He doesn’t speak to her after, his purpose for her is over. He’s polite enough to not walk away, staying on the log. He’ll give an occasional tight smile if he looks in her direction. 

She wishes he had just walked off when he received the answer he wanted.

For Shauna was hard to pin the moment she had fallen in love with Jackie Taylor. She had always seen her differently than most friends saw each other, she only believed it normal because it was to her. Having a best friend meant wanting everything with that person. So she would let her young mind imagine the two of them living together, no husbands, perhaps a child. They would have their own house and be the most important people to each other, always.

There were other thoughts like this, ones that with time she came to learn were wrong to have about your best friend. The moments added up but she didn’t have solid proof so there was nothing to label it as. That was until she did have solid proof. 

All it took was looking at Jackie while she was laughing. She looked so happy, carefree, and absolutely beautiful. She knew she wanted nothing more in that moment than to pull her in and capture her lips with her own.

It wasn’t something like the others she could brush off, she couldn’t claim it was just a trick of the mind. She felt that thought so deeply it terrified her, there was truth in it that had always been present but wasn’t nameable until now. 

She wished she could say she was surprised when the feeling never wore off. In fact much to her disliking it only grew.

She hated it. Not the feeling really, she liked feelings. She liked letting them be felt whole, she liked writing stories about them and poems. Feelings were what connected humanity through thousands of years. It’s why people read old books and feel akin to the characters because they can recall a similar feeling. No, Shauna loved feelings. She just hated this one.

She hated that it proved a point. Everyone had always seen her identity tied to Jackie. Half the time in school people addressed her it was as “Jackie’s friend”. Their classmates didn’t understand why the two girls were friends and thought Jackie was just being kind to her. They all had different ideas about why the two of them were so close but they always arrived at the same conclusion that Jackie was too good for Shauna. 

If only they knew. She thought.

If only they all knew how much she cared for her. How she loved her in a way friends were not supposed to. She wasn’t against it because they were both girls, or the fact that society would hate them both, she was against it because Jackie already had every part of her. She had wrangled her way into her very bones, to a point that Shauna was unsure who she was without her, and then, even despite that Jackie had gotten another part of her. The most intimate part of her, that Shauna didn’t know how badly she didn’t want Jackie to have. The worst part is she doesn’t know she holds it. She doesn’t know all of Shauna will unravel without her and it will happen in a measly few months.

Her thoughts are interrupted by Travis blowing the whistle calling an end to swimming. The children slowly trudge out of the water and walk to their towels. They shiver as they blanket themselves and wring out their hair.

The group starts the walk back to camp towards the locker rooms once all of the campers are safely bundled and wearing shoes. 

Shauna stopped quickly by the Cricket’s Girls Cabin to check on Jackie and see if she’s finally awake.

“Hello?” She knocks on the door. Maybe a little harder than needed if she was still sleeping. Whatever, she’s had a shitty morning.

“Jackie?” 

There is no response or sound from inside of the room. She gently pushes open the door to find Jackie’s bed unmade and her gone. She turns in confusion and she almost runs headfirst into the girl.

Jackie is standing before her fully awake and dressed. Her hair has to returned to its normal effortless waves and her eyes don’t hold a trace of tiredness.

“Where were you?” She knows her voice sounds paranoid. 

She pushes past Shauna and goes into their bedroom.

“Just the bathroom. Jesus, Shipman.” She breathes a light laugh.

“Right.” She sighs. “Are you ready to get going with the rest of the group? I had to leave them to check on you, they might have already moved on by now.”

Jackie gives her an apologetic look. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?” 

She thinks sometimes Jackie forgets she does in fact have a job. Even though her parents own the camp she is supposed to actually behave like a counselor and be an example to the other ones. Her parents might not care but Shauna and Laura Lee would be watching that many kids on their own and if a child goes missing they’re all in trouble. The last thing she needs is Jeff coming in to help again.

“What do you mean?” Shauna asks.

Jackie is putting on her shoes and socks, her mind is clearly made up and Shauna can’t change it.

“I just have to do something. I won’t be long.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing important.” She brushes off.

This is weird. Jackie has always loved talking about her life, and now she is offering little bits of information and a half hearted promise to be back soon. 

She almost goes further into her judgement before reminding herself whatever Jackie is hiding is very unlikely bigger than an acceptance to Brown.

“Fine.” She huffs.

Jackie forces a smile and exits the room without so much as a goodbye. 

When did they become this? In this single week? Had their entire dynamic and friendship managed to crack in a matter of a little over seven days? She doesn’t want to linger on it. Things have been a little off but they’ve been normal, it's probably nothing, Jackie will probably tell her after and everything will return to the way it should be.

Jackie will meet her back at lunch and explain how she just wanted to look at old photos or fix something. Nothing to get worked up over. 

Shauna walks back out of the cabin and towards where Laura Lee is anxiously surveying their campers. It was over an hour later by the time Jackie came back to the group.

“What took so long?” 

“Didn’t find what I wanted.”

“Which was?”

Jackie pauses before answering. “The pink jump rope we used to play with.”

Shauna raises her eyebrow. 

When Jackie was younger she had a pink jump rope she loved deeply. For months she would insist the two of them had to play with it because no one else in their town had a pink jump rope like this one. The only weird thing about her story is as far as she knows that jump rope never touched the grounds of this camp. In fact she can remember Jackie begging her parents to bring it here and them being very adamant that she couldn’t for fear of losing it.

“I just remembered the days we would spend out in my yard, just jumping rope.”

“Yeah.”

“I wish we could go back.” Jackie says in a small voice.

Shauna wants to ask why but she’s afraid of the answer. She’s afraid she might be part of it and Jackie didn’t even know the half of it. 

“Me too.”

“Well we’re here together now. Let’s enjoy it.”

“How do you purpose we do that?”

Jackie bites her lip in thought. Her nose scrunches just so in a way that Shauna shouldn’t find quite so endearing.

“There are popsicles in the freezer.”

“You want to leave Laura Lee with all of them?” She says skeptically.

“She can take care of herself just fine.”

“I don’t know.”

“They have one raspberry left.”

Jackie smiles at her hopefully. Shauna doesn’t even like the flavor that much. The first time they had gotten the camp popsicles she had picked it out randomly, Jackie had come to the conclusion it was her favorite and every time after went to great lengths to ensure that Shauna got it.

When they were very young she even bit a kid for the last one and ran over to Shauna triumphantly with it held high in her hand explaining the tale of bravery. 

So Shauna would never admit she didn’t care for the taste, she had grown to love it in her own way.

“Okay.” She resigns. This was always going to be the outcome anyway.

“Yes.” Jackie squeals.

Jackie starts slowly taking small steps backwards away from the group and gesturing for Shauna to follow.

“Jackie?” She whispers.

She hums in acknowledgement.

“This isn’t being very secretive.”

“Well I’m trying.” She huffs.

“This looks weirder than if we were just walking away.”

They are both whispering only a few inches apart from each other while slowly backing away. They are still facing towards the campers and if anyone looked in their direction they would think they were up to something.

“Look what if-” Jackie starts.

Shauna doesn’t let her finish, she grabs her hand in hers and runs dragging Jackie after her. She yelps at first before catching on and running with Jackie. The two make it away from the campers, they don’t look back to see if they successfully made their escape unnoticed. 

The two find an open patch of grass near the Mess Hall and stop sprinting. Shauna lets go of her hand and breathes heavily. Jackie is doing the same but bursting out laughing not long after. Shauna can’t help cackling as well. 

They pant and giggle in the grass until it hurts their chests, but it feels undeniably nice. When they have regained their composure they make their way towards the entrance of the Mess Hall. 

Shauna doesn’t think too deeply when Jackie slots their hands back together as they walk inside. Her hands feel hot and clammy from their running and heat outside, her heart is beating too fast for having stopped sprinting almost minutes ago.

She knows the cause of it, the cause is standing right next to her. She knows if she had any sense she would let go of her hand and brush it off as nothing. She doesn’t have that sense though, she grasps her hand tighter and Jackie gives her a stunning smile.

She has a light sheen of sweat on her skin, her hair is tousled just so, her shirt a little rumpled, her eyes full of mirth. Yes, if she had any sense she would have stopped giving into this long ago. But she doesn’t.

She’s never had sense when it comes to Jackie Taylor.

Chapter Text

“Mail!” Chef Martinez calls from the entrance to the Mess Hall. He walks in carrying a large box filled with countless small packages and letters. “You guys have finished passing out food? Yes? Okay good.” He hadn’t even looked up at them. “You can give the letters to the campers they’re assigned to, might be a few for you all as well.” 

He drops it down onto a table with a thud and is gone as quick as he came. The counselors collectively groan and sigh at the new task. They already had to dish out breakfast to all the campers and now they practically have to do the same thing all over again. Taissa wonders if they’ll even get the chance to eat their own food this morning, at best it will be cold.

“Why can’t they do this themselves?” Mari asks to no one in particular as she shifts through the letters for names she recognizes as her campers.

“Because this is a good exercise for us to learn our campers names.” Jackie says in her usual positive tone. Tai can see Nat glare at her.

Taissa has really no idea what is going on with Jackie, she was puking in bushes and practically sobbing at seeing that newspaper and now she’s acting like nothing has happened. It’s not Taissa’s place to intervene, and if she needs someone to talk to she has Shauna. She would be surprised if she hadn’t told her already.

“I’m pretty sure Martinez just didn’t want to do it.” Van adds, now sifting through the letters as well.

“Whatever, I think it’s nice.” Laura Lee says. “We can see the letters we got too.”

She doesn’t miss the way Van scoffs almost silently.

They are about five minutes into sorting when they start to realize their approach isn’t as effective as the thought. The box still sits in the middle of the table but letters are scattered everywhere and it’s indiscernible what letters go to which group.

“This isn’t working.” Travis declares.

“What’s your idea then?” Lottie questions, turning to him.

Travis doesn’t offer her an answer.

There is a moment of silence before Shauna speaks. “We have the tables we normally sit at to eat, we can do a group per table and put the letters there then pass them out.” 

The others nod and mumble in agreement at the plan and restart the sorting process. Taissa hates reading the handwriting, some of it is almost illegible (no doubt from the siblings of campers) which they make a new pile for along with a pile for the counselors mail. The campers can parse through the first pile and decide if they have the bad handwriting letters.

Tai looks around to find the other groups with a larger pile than her and Van’s.

“Where’s Randy?”

Van shrugs. “I don’t know. Haven’t seen him at all today.”

“Jeff!” she calls, he picks his head up from the letters. “Where’s Randy?”

“Not sure.” He responds and then returns back to his task.

Taissa rolls her eyes at the thought of him off doing whatever the hell he feels like. Then she remembers how little help he had always been and the grating voice he naturally had. Perhaps his absence should be savored.

Once the box is empty the counselors start handing out letters to the campers. Tai takes half of it and Van takes the other. They make their rounds through the campers passing out each. When finally finished she plops down in her seat with a sigh. 

Van sits across from her, Lottie and Nat make their way over looking just as tired at the time of only 9:30.

“Hey?” Her head is in her hands and her eyes aren’t open but she can tell it’s Jackie’s voice. “We aren’t done.” 

“If you haven’t noticed we gave out all the letters, the packages, everything.” Nat replies. 

“We still have the ones for us.”

Tai lets her mind wander to whatever news her parents might have for her. They were discussing going on a trip to Maine with her brother. She hoped they did and send her photos. She was always good at relying on just herself, she didn’t need another person to look after her but she found she liked the idea of knowing how the people she cared for were and writing back to them.

She loses herself in her thoughts but the looks from the rest of the table pull her out. None of the other girls look even the slightest bit excited to hear from their family. Van is looking forward to nothing, Nat’s jaw is clenched tight, and Lottie is staring downwards. It all lasts a matter of seconds.

“Whatever, I like helping anyway.” Jackie says.

She gives out letters to them, greeting each person with a somewhat forced smile. Mari and Jackie are the only ones who get packages.

“What’s that?” Akilah asks Mari.

“My brother went on this trip to Germany, he promised to bring me back some candy.”

She rips open the package and sure enough inside are little boxes full of sweets. She holds them up to read and passes them round to others to look and try. 

Jackie takes a brief break from passing things out to open her own. She tries to unwrap it carefully, but it doesn't seem to be going very well for her considering it is made of cardboard and taped shut. Eventually she slices the tape successfully and opens the box, she holds up magazines to show Shauna.

“See? This can help us decide on our dorm furniture for next year.” 

“Didn’t you already bring a bunch of those?” Shauna asks.

“Yes but they could have gone out of fashion by then.”

Shauna nods but doesn’t meet her eye. Jackie slides the magazines in front of her so she can look and picks back up the remaining letters.

Taissa was still at some odds with Jackie since the newspaper incident. She had cornered her the day after to ask if she was alright but she had brushed it off entirely saying. “I was just emotional that day. I’m sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for the newspaper.”

“Jackie…” She had trailed off, hoping whatever exterior she had up could break for a second.

“I have to go to Nature, but have a good day.”

Since then the two hadn’t spoken, that wasn’t strange. They weren’t friends but Jackie had looked subtly different since.

She should really be grateful Jackie has come to her senses and realized the newspaper was nothing to be worried about. For some reason she’s not.

Jackie slowly makes her way over to their table and by the time she’s there she has two envelopes in her hand. She brings them close to her face and reads off the names.

“Lottie and Taissa.” 

She offers them their respective letters and walks back to her table, it’s only a few seconds before she’s engaged in a conversation with Shauna.

Lottie opens her letter first. She sighs as she opens it and looks inside. She makes no move to extricate the contents.

“Are you not going to read it?” Nat asks in confusion.

“There’s no letter.”

“What is it?” 

Lottie flips it so Nat and gently pinches the sides so she can see.

“Holy shit.” 

The others glance inside to see at least ten hundred dollar bills.

“Your parents are loaded.” Nat breathes out in awe.

Lottie doesn’t give a response.

“What are you supposed to do with like a thousand bucks in the woods?” Tai asks in confusion.

Lottie shrugs. “Give it to the animals, take it as a sign of daddy’s love. Who knows?”

She sets it back down on the table with a barely disguised look of disappointment on her face.

“I’m going to get food.” Van says, pulling herself up from the table and trying to shift the conversation. The rest of the girls are quick to get to their feet as well, the meal almost forgotten in morning chaos.

Tai tries to distract her mind from thoughts of Van and what her not receiving a letter means. The short answer she comes to is nothing. Maybe her parents had a busy week. Maybe nothing interesting happened. Maybe the letter got lost. All possible answers circled back to the fact it wasn’t any of Tai’s business.

Taissa had known Van not even two weeks, it didn’t matter. 

The only problem was it felt like it did. Which was weird, people were hard to deal with, Tai enjoyed the company of people but she rarely sought it out or wondered about their lives after meeting them eight days ago. Nothing like that had ever happened to her.

Van was her coworker. They were a good team when it came to taking care of the campers and keeping them safe. Some might say they were friends, they talked to one another. Tai liked speaking to her and being just around her if there was nothing to say. The word coworker felt odd even in her mind, the word friend less so but it was off still.

Whatever that meant didn’t matter. She was tired, this morning was too long already and her mind had a tendency to wander. Nothing out of the ordinary.

They sat down at their table after getting their food, Tai stared at her plate and its strange contents. Clearly her thoughts had impacted her capability of simple decision making. She doesn’t worry over it too long, breakfast will be over shortly so she busies herself with eating quickly. The others have the same idea. By the time they are finishing their meal they can hear complaints of the campers not being able to throw their plates away.
“Why can’t they just do it themselves?” Nat mumbles through a forkful of eggs.

No one gives an answer but they all arise to throw away their plates and silverware. Each taking up a trash bin and making their rounds to the campers.

When breakfast is over they gather the kids to their groups. Van and Tai take the Crickets first to get changed into their swimsuits and then lead them towards the lake.

“Do we have to?” a girl asks, the whine is prevalent in her tone.

“Yes.” Tai sighs.

Their group had won the cabin clean up meaning they had gone swimming just last night. Tai wouldn’t like to admit what won them it was her competitiveness and overall annoyance and anger on Saturday. The prize wasn’t even good, the lake was practically icy in the night air.

Some of the kids were excited to go back so soon, others were not. 

After about twenty minutes of walking they arrived at the lake. It shown glittering in the sunlight, the trees around moved gently in the slight wind. 

Taissa quickly counted up the campers to make sure they hadn’t lost any. There was still no sign of Randy.

Travis went over water safety with the kids, some of them pretended to listen, some didn’t. She got the feeling Travis was just saying the rules for the sake of it and didn’t mind.

When he stopped speaking the kids were allowed into the water. Some of them raced inwards with no care for getting hurt, some slowly waded in, a fair amount took a seat on the shore.

“You coming?” Van asks her.

“Are you?”

Van shrugs. “Why not?”

“I’m going to sit this out.” She will not let her hair get ruined by this lake.

Van nods and proceeds to remove her shirt, Tai looks away out of politeness. She doesn’t know why. She’s wearing a perfectly normal one piece underneath, but her eyes are trained on the rocks in front of her and her face feels hot.

When she hears Van’s footsteps towards the water she finally lifts her head. She doesn’t know what to think about the feeling in her stomach. A feeling she has experienced remarkably often at this camp.

Van walks into the lake slowly and when it's deep enough she dives in. It’s only a few seconds before she resurfaces and pushes the hair out of her face with a carefree smile.

“Taissa?” 

She turns to see a girl in front of her that she hadn’t noticed.

“Huh?”

“I called your name like five times.” She huffs.

She knows that’s an exaggeration. Probably. 

“Sorry.”

“She stole my shoe.” The girl points to another girl a few meters away talking to some other kids. She looks down at the girl before her to see she has both her shoes on.

“Why are you wearing both then?”

“Well she took it and I got it back.”

“Okay…” Tai can’t think of anything more to say.

The girl is still blinking at her and shows no sign of leaving anytime soon.

“Do you think she’s going to take it again?” She tries.

“Yes.” She responds almost immediately. “But not now. Or maybe this morning. Or today.”

“Okay…” Taissa repeats. She is really trying but she has never been the best at speaking with children and this is only proving it.

“Did she mean to take it?”

“Yes, she grabbed it right off my foot. I was just walking and it was untied a little and she grabbed it. It really hurt when I started walking again because I didn’t notice my shoe was gone and I banged my foot against a rock. It really hurt.” She wiggles her foot as if to prove the point.

Tai bites her lip and takes a few breaths. “Do you need to go to the nurse?”

“No, it's all better now.”

Taissa nods.

“Do you want to hear the story of how I got them?” She asks.

“Sure.” She doesn’t particularly but she thinks it’s normally for the better if you don’t deny kids when it’s not about something harmful.

“So. My mom- I went to the mall in…April. I went to the mall in April and I saw these really pretty shoes. They had, like, sparkles and they were pink and I thought they were so pretty. But my mom said they were expensive and I went to ask the store person anyway, but they told me they were sold out. So then we looked around the entire mall to find another pair like it and I found these. Now these are purple but-but purple is my favorite color and these are sparkly too so I like these more.”

“Wow, that's a great story.” Tai attempts to sound enthusiastic and like her interest isn't trying to pull her eyes elsewhere.

“I know. I have tons of other stories like that.”

“Oh you do?”

She nods solemnly. “Yeah. A lot happens in my life. Like a lot a lot.” She widens her eyes at the end of the statement. “Do you want to hear more?”

“Sure.” 

“I had this rabbit named Julie but her name before was, um, Strawberry. My mom told me that we should change it because it wasn’t a proper name. I thought it was a great name because Julie loved to eat strawberries. She could eat like five in five seconds and they would be all gone.” 

The girl keeps rambling but Tai loses focus. She reminds herself to nod or hum in understanding every so often. Instead of the girl’s face her gaze moves to Van in the water.

She is trying to run in the water, the other kids around her are as well. It looks like most of them have gathered around to play tag. There is a boy who is trying to catch the campers but they always swim away in time. Van throws her head back in laughter when another is tagged while trying to swim away and has an exaggerated look of fear when the new boy starts in her general direction.

She looks beautiful. Tai had known this, she had never said as much out loud or even in her head but it was the only concrete thought her brain was capable of right now. 

Van’s attention to the game dies when her eyes meet Tai. She takes a sharp inhale at the eye contact. Van smiles brightly at her and Taissa cannot help but mirror it. 

She doesn’t know how long the two stay rooted where they are smiling dumbly at each other before something obstructs her view of Van. A kid tags her and her smile falls as she remembers where she is and her goal. She sets out to catch a camper, moving purposefully slower so they have a chance and so they can giggle at her failing.

“Are you listening?” The girl asks.

Tai whips her head round to see her staring quizzically at her.

“Yeah. I just got lost for a second.” She replies easily.

“It’s okay. I think she’s nice.”

“Who?”

“Van. That’s who you were looking at right?”

“Oh, yeah.” She doesn’t know why it feels shameful to admit it.

“I like her. She’s funny and nice.”

“I like her too.” Her voice is soft and the words feel truer than anything she’s ever said.

Chapter Text

Nat is looking forward to sleeping tonight. It has been a long day and she feels truly spent. She was daydreaming about her soft mattress and warm sheets that lie in her cabin, the thought of Misty rambling in the bed next to her didn’t even annoy her.

In her time at the camp she had realized she had never felt safe in her home. Not unsafe exactly considering it was all she knew, it was normal, her normal. She would worry about her mother not waking up the next morning or her father shaking her awake angrily when he was still alive. Even after he was dead she worried he would return in the darkness of night with half his head blown off and one eye forever trained on her. She knew that wasn’t everyone’s normal but it was hers.

Somehow over the weeks here she hasn’t worried about these as much. She goes to bed each night and can hear the campers whispering for a little while, there is an occasional owl hooting, crickets. No sound of the TV or an angry voice, no smell of beer and mold. She can close her eyes and every sense will remind her she is not there and it feels nothing but incredible.

Sleep isn’t the thing she likes more at this place than at the trailer, it's the moments before. She can settle into her bed with no real worry of how the next day will play out or if something horrible will happen. She can just enjoy the haze before unconsciousness.

“Nat?” Misty called.

Nat raised her head, she was sitting against a tree vaguely watching the children as they engaged in conversations and ran around. By vaguely she means her eyes were starting to drift shut and her hand had started to loll.

“Chef Martinez and Coach Scott want our group to go to the Mess Hall.”

She sighs as she gets up from her spot and blinks away her tiredness. Misty and her walk over to Jeff who has already started moving the kids in a huddle and towards the Mess Hall.

They get there a little later, the Fireflies already in a swarm inside the building. Their group joins them and the counselors along with campers exchange looks of confusion.

Chef Martinez and Coach Scott stand on a table.

“It has come to our attention that most of you don’t like how you spend your time with your extended curfew.”

Nat was surprised when there were sounds of agreement from the campers, sure she had heard some complaints from them about spending the extra time in their cabins before getting ready for bed not long after but she didn’t know it was a big enough complaint to warrant camp owner intervention (she knew technically neither Chef Martinez of Coach Scott owned the camp but she had yet to see the actual Taylor’s around so they were the owners in her eyes).

She couldn’t really blame the kids, if she was promised extra time as a preteen she probably would have been pissed if it meant sitting in a dark cabin. But they had found a way to make it other people’s problem, specifically Nat’s.

It wasn’t lost on her that most of the people who went to this camp had money, most of them lived in the suburbs. She knew when seeing how much this cost for a summer they were nothing short of flourishing financially. She could never imagine a person spending that much to have fun for two months.

“Okay settle down, we want to make the extra time more enjoyable for you all.” Coach Scott said.

There was an obvious positive shift in the campers.

“We were thinking you guys could play a game or something.”

She heard several sighs and groans.

“Hey!” Chef Martinez's voice rang through the room. Many of the kids stiffened with slight fear. “We are compromising here! Be grateful.”

The children actually had the decency to look sorry, some even hanging their heads. There was a group of boys in her group not to quietly complaining across the room. She saw Misty lightly smack  them on the arm and shush them. 

“As Martinez was saying we can’t just let you run around doing whatever you want in the dark separately, it’s not safe. We want you all to come up with some ideas, raise your hand when you have one and we’ll see about it.”

“Can we go swimming?” 

Nat almost shivered at the idea.

“No, late night swims are a reward for only the cabin clean up or special occasions.”

“Can we play soccer?”

The kid got shot down by multiple voices before Coach Scott could reply.

“Can we have a bonfire?” 

“Again no, only on Wednesdays do we have that and with the whole camp. We haven’t even gotten the bonfire started this year yet.”

“Watch a movie?”

“The Crickets counselor Van is currently working on fixing the TV.”

“Is there anything we can do?” One grouses.

“How about tag?” Coach Scott suggested with a bit too much enthusiasm.

She heard a chorus of groans from the campers.

“Hide and seek?” He tried again.

The reaction was about the same.

“Okay look you can either take one of the options he gave you or go to bed!” Chef Martinez said.

There was some mumbling from the mass of kids.

“Raise your hand for tag.” Martinez said.

A few children raised their hands.

“Now hide and seek.”

There were more people but it was clear most of the kids weren’t a fan of either option.

“Great, we’ll do it tomorrow.”

The campers made sounds of disappointment.

Why were they so vocal?

“Do you want to do it tonight?” Coach Scott asks with a sigh.

“Yes!” Some campers yelled.

He checked the clock. “Okay, you know what fine, counselors versus campers.”

Natalie openly gaped at the decision. She thought she would be supervising, not participating in whatever the hell this was.

“First round campers hide, second counselors do. We are going to use the Mess Hall and the area around it, don't go further than the field is that clear?”

The campers nodded.

“Good, the campers can hide first, counselors count for sixty seconds.”

Not a single counselor looked actually happy to be participating in this. They all reluctantly walked together to the middle of the room. 

“One, two-” They started.

“Close your eyes!” A camper yelled.

She groaned and lowered her head, eyes closing as they continued counting. 

Hide in seek was supposed to be a fast game, a game played with little kids that were really easy to find, not preteens who would do anything to avoid their bedtimes. She wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised if they lost one playing this game.

When the counting was finished they all opened their eyes, it was unsurprising to see no campers around them but it appeared Chef Martinez and Coach Scott had left. Figures.

They all stared at each other dumbly, no one actually wanting to go out there and play the game.

“Let’s go.” Jeff said. 

Misty followed behind him, then Mari with a groan, Lottie was silent as she walked out the door, Natalie was next, she could hear Kevyn scoff behind her.

“Are we just supposed to like look around?” Misty asked.

“Duh, haven’t you ever played?” Mari said.

“No.” She frowns.

Everyone turns to look at her. She doesn’t offer a follow up answer, she just clutches the sweater she put on not long after it got dark.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Jeff says with false determination.

“Yeah.” Mari adds sarcastically with a fist pump in the air.

She can practically feel Kevyn rolling his eyes and fiddling with his sharpied nails.

The group finally split up in sections Nat decides to go for the trees near the field, she has no clue if kids would actually be hiding over there, frankly she doesn’t care.

She hadn’t actually been outside at night. The cabins had a small bathroom and the doors creaked too loudly for her to have any reason to leave, besides the campers made sure she felt thoroughly spent by the end of every day. She was surprised she hadn’t yet snuck out yet. She had never been one to sleep easily but she had slept through every night at the camp so far.

She could hear snapping of twigs, either from campers or animals.

Nat hadn’t been aware until recently that chipmunks make a lot of noise when they move. They rustle every leaf, they make the sounds of branches cracking, but when you look in their direction you only barely catch the small animal scampering away.

She personally thinks there should be no fucking way they are that dramatic for how small they are.

She doesn’t try to hide her footsteps as she walks, children are loud no matter what. Which is why it isn’t surprising only a few moments later when she hears a girl whispering and badly hidden behind a tree. She doesn’t even notice Nat when she is a few feet away and can view the other girl she is engaged in conversation with.

“Boo.” She whispers with staged dramatics.

The girl screams. She actually screams and clutches at her chest like she has a knife or something. 

She rolls her eyes. It’s not even like Jackie’s excuse of her wearing her  “scary” makeup would make sense because she took it off over an hour ago. Besides the only thing someone had ever compared her to with it on was a racoon, racoons weren’t scary in the slightest. Just little trash ninjas. 

“What the fuck was that about?” She asks, throwing up her hands. Completely forgetting about the no swearing rule. She hadn’t been too good at it so far anyway.

“Why did you do that?” The girl is breathing heavily.

“It’s a game of hide and seek!”

“You didn’t have to say boo!”

“The word boo scares you?”

“No it's just…We just had a really good hiding spot.” She mutters. No they didn’t. 

“You were talking to your friend and not very quietly.”

The girl folds her arms and gives an angry look to her friend, it’s supposed to go over Nat’s head but it is the most obvious thing in front of her.

She turns to see a few other children nearby watching the argument. 

“Okay.” She sighs. “If I saw you then you are seekers as well, go find the others.”

They all stare at her for a few seconds before darting off to continue playing.

“Fuck my life.” She mutters to herself and then reluctantly continues looking for the campers.

They aren’t hard to spot and the help of the other counselors makes it go by very quickly. Nat prays this will not be a nightly occurrence. She can’t do this every night, she’ll have to start feigning illness. She has no doubt Van will attest to it.

When they are pretty sure all of the kids have been rounded up they meet by the tables near the entrance to the Mess Hall. They hope it's all the kids because Coach Scott and Chef Martinez left and they don’t know all the names nor the amount of kids in each group.

“You guys did a great job!” Jeff says, raising his voice.

Nat wants to point out hide and seek isn’t a winning game, at least in this case. Plus they were awful at hiding, it hasn’t even been fifteen minutes. The looks from Mari, Lottie, and what would have been Kevyn if he hadn’t disappeared mirror confirm she’s not alone in her train of thought.

“Next round the counselors will be hiding and you will be seeking. You count to sixty all together and when finished come looking for us.”

The kids nod before all huddling into a giant mass of bodies and start counting in unison. 

Nat takes a few steps forward and opens the Mess Hall door, she shuts it behind her softly. The room is a lot more pleasant at night. Chef Martinez had cleaned it after dinner and the lack of light made it peaceful. 

She will not be hiding in the corner or underneath a table. The counting must be around half way finished now. She pushes open the door to the kitchen. This room is tightly packed and she gets the idea if she’s found in here it won’t end well for her. She can just picture Chef Martinez lecturing her about it now.

She turns to see another door at the other end. She pushes it open and finds a large pantry. It has a main space and breaks off into smaller ones. She takes the right one which to her advantage has a small area she can fit in that can’t be seen at the entrance. She runs to shut the door and retakes her spot.

Nat can hear the children finish counting and break off to look. 

As minutes pass she can’t hear anything that sounds human. Maybe she should have chosen a worse hiding spot. She still has time to, but for some reason she kind of likes being here. 

Then she hears something that is definitely human. The door to the Mess Hall is being opened but it's not the one across the building, it's the one connected to the kitchen.

She is ninety percent certain that if Chef Martinez saw anyone camper using that door he would refuse to serve them dinner for the remainder of the summer.

The door is shut and she can hear light footsteps exploring the kitchen and then the entrance to the Mess Hall. She is confused when the footsteps stop.

She waits a few beats wondering what the person is doing before she can faintly hear the door knob to the pantry being turned.

The door slowly opens but Nat can't see who it is from her positioning. The person walks around the main area, then the left, then the right, which is where she is. The figure rounds and stares at her. 

It’s Lottie. Her brown wavy hair is up in a bun leaving only a few strands and her bangs out. She is wearing a camp shirt tucked into a pair of jean shorts.

“Can I stay here?” She whispers.

Nat nods.

When she did she was under the impression she meant in this room, not in the little nook she is hidden in. But Lottie stands opposite of her leaving possibly a foot of room in between the two of them. 

Nat has no fucking clue what to do or why her eyes are darting absolutely everywhere besides the girl in front of her. The space feels smaller than it did a minute ago, she tries to put more distance between them but she’s already pressed hard against the wood of the pantry shelves. 

She doesn’t know if she’s supposed to say something. She’s friends with Lottie. Maybe? They have meals together. She talks with Van and Van and Tai have become fast friends so she has no problem speaking to her. Lottie will join in conversations and Nat will happily converse with her then but this feels different. 

Her brain short circuiting in its tired state and doesn’t alert her that another person is here as well until the door is already open and there is a person coming towards them.

“Misty?” She whispers as the curly blonde hair comes into view.

“I was trying to hide in the bushes but I heard some kids talking about looking there so I decided to come in here. You don’t mind?”

“No it’s fine.”

She can’t see Misty well but she knows she gave her that polite somewhat forced smile.

Misty presses into her shoulder and against the same shelves. 

“You know I think not many of the counselors have been found yet.” 

“Oh really?” She says flatly.

“Yeah, I mean the three of us are here and I think we actually have a chance at winning.” She whispers excitedly.

“It’s just a game.”

“Right.” She says dejectedly.

Then there are footsteps coming from the Mess Hall, God knows how many times this has happened now. 

She is decidedly bad at picking hiding spots.

“Hey!” She hears a voice whisper shout.

“Hey!” It calls again.

“God damnit Misty I know you're in there.”

They all turn to Misty.

“Yes?” She whispers.

Mari walks over to where they are all standing and slots herself in next to Lottie.

“How did you find us?” Misty asks.

“I saw you come in here.”

After that it is quiet, the girls are packed like sardines and Nat hopes one of those kids has enough sense to actually come into this building.

There are no sounds for maybe ten minutes. Then it’s twenty, then thirty.

“Okay this game has to be over by now.” Lottie says in a normal tone, gone with the stealth it seems.

“I am going to go outside.” Mari says.

“Misty.” She hisses.

“What?” 

“Get off my foot.” 

“I’m not on your foot!”

“You are, just-” She huffs and stumbles out of the little area. 

When she gains her balance she walks over to the main part of the pantry and up to the door. The others can hear the door knob turning and no creak that signals the door opening.

“Fuck.”

The other three walk over to the door where Mari is twisting it and it is not opening.

“Maybe you're doing it wrong.” Misty offers.

“I know how to open a door.”

Misty gently shoves her out of the way and tries. The result is the same.

“There’s no lock, at least on this side.”

“So someone locked us in?” Nat asks.

“It’s possible it was just old and locked on itself.”

Nat tries the door next, except instead of trying the knob she bangs on it several times hoping it might give way. 

It doesn’t.

Lottie is the last to try. “Fuck!” She yells in exasperation when the door remains stubbornly shut.

“What the fuck are we supposed to do?” Mari asks.

“Wait until morning.” Misty says.

They all groan.

“Well we very well can’t bust the door down.” Misty argues.

Nat smirks at the idea but is stopped when she remembers she will likely be the one who would have to pay for it then and little miss Jackie already hated her guts so she could spin the story whatever way she pleased.

Mari sits down on the floor first. Lottie follows. Next Misty is taking a seat and then Nat. 

“Are there any blankets?” Mari questions.

“It’s a pantry.” Nat answers.

“Well I don’t know. It would be nice if we’re stuck here the whole fucking night.” She mumbles.

The four of them go quiet at the admission they are going to be stuck here for what may be twelve hours. 

“We could talk about things to make it go by faster?” Misty suggests.

“What? Why would we do that?” Nat asks.

“I don’t know!” She huffs. “I was trying to make it better.”

“Well you aren’t!” Mari says.

“I just thought we could talk about our favorite movies or something, make the most of our time here.” She mumbles dejectedly.

Nat closes her eyes and sighs at the knowledge she is going to do actually give in right now. She lets Misty ramble about her favorite movie and that leads to Mari interjecting about what in her opinion is the best movie in all of existence. At that point Nat feels the need to join in and by the time she is finished Lottie is recounting the plot of her own favorite. 

The topic of movies dies and it moves to other things, funny tales of high school, horses somehow, and pastries. Despite the darkness, chilliness, and overall terribleness of the situation she finds herself speaking and laughing with the other girls easily. 

Even Mari and Misty bond over their taste in men, an overlap she didn't at all see coming. She notices with their discussion of attractive actors Lottie stay's quiet. It could mean nothing. It probably meant nothing. It meant nothing to Nat. 

The conversation begins to slow and tiredness wins out. They try to arrange themselves in a way that’s slightly comfortable. None of them really succeed.

“Goodnight.” Misty whispers.

“Goodnight.” Lottie replies softly.

“Night.” Mari mutters.

Nat scoffs at the idea of saying goodnight, she doesn’t remember the last time she said the word but finds it slipping out of her mouth anyway. “Goodnight.”

***

The first thing that wakes Nat is the way her back hurts. The second is the light coming from the door that has now been opened.

She blinks the sleep out of her eyes and the figures in front of the door who she would call her heroes if she was a complete loser. 

In front of the door was Van, Taissa, Jackie, Shauna, Laura Lee, Jeff, and Coach Ben.

She removes her head from Lottie’s shoulder, she didn’t even realize it was there until her head was off of it. She brushed off a brief feeling of loss.

The others in the pantry are waking as well yet no one has uttered a word yet.

“What happened?” Coach Scott breaks the silence.

“That game last night.” Mari says, voice thicker with sleep. “The door locked.”

“Right.” He nods his head several times. “Sorry, the door is finicky.” He says turning the knob several times as if to prove his point.

“We know now.” Lottie says with enough professionalism to not be rude but her displeasure ever present. 

Nat bites back a smile.

“Chef Martinez is making pancakes.” Coach Scott tries.

Chapter Text

Jackie has always prided herself on being able to understand her campers moods. She can look at them and find out when they want to be left alone or when they need cheering up. This comes in handy quite often considering she works with the youngest group and it’s something it has taken her years to learn, she’ll credit the amount of time it took her to her lack of siblings. At the moment her campers aren’t acting bad exactly, just weird. Weirder than normal.

A few of them are off every day, someone either upsets them or something happens but it's always in small numbers and they are quick to revert back to their usual content selves. Yesterday she had to comfort a girl who lost her favorite pair of pink heart earrings. A week ago she had to resolve a fight between two boys because one said the other's hair was ‘too blonde’.

The campers aren’t acting like that today. This is different, specifically most of the girls are acting weird.

She almost didn’t notice it with the earlier events that happened today.

When Jackie had arrived at the Mess Hall to set up breakfast it was abnormally empty this morning. Over half of the campers weren’t there but she didn’t think much of it because the counselors would surely show up at one point or another with their campers not far behind. Maybe an alarm clock didn’t work or there was an argument in a group. 

But no, the children all showed up eventually, the only noticeable difference was a confusion they all wore but they still sat at their tables like nothing was amiss. A large amount of the counselors didn’t arrive as breakfast continued. It wasn’t until they ran out of paper plates and had to go in the storage closet to get more that they saw them all lying against shelving fast asleep. They were lucky that they had miscalculated the plates to be left out the day before or they would’ve been there a lot longer.

Sadly she hadn’t gotten the chance to ask any of them exactly what happened. She doubted Natalie would tell her, she didn’t speak to Lottie much, and as nice as Misty was she wanted to avoid asking her for fear she’d be stuck in conversation with her for an hour, Mari would likely tell her without a problem. But all of them rushed out of the room eating a quick breakfast while muttering to themselves and then leaving to shower and change. She couldn’t really blame them for not wanting to stick around too long or their moodiness. Getting locked in a pantry really can’t be fun.

She thinks maybe she could enjoy it or at least not hate it if Shauna was there but that would be the only exception. 

But now that the events of the morning had passed and the questions of it would have to wait, she would give her full attention to the children whose behavior was odd.

“They’re up to something.” She murmurs to Shauna as she watches, perhaps the largest group of them she has ever seen all huddle together in conversation during their free time.

“No they aren’t.” She replies, quickly glancing up from her book.

Shauna is slouched against a tree with her knees drawn up and the book resting on them. She’s put her hair up in a braid that frames her face perfectly and the sun from the last few days creates a sort of flush across her cheeks. Jackie averts her eyes when she stares too long and feels heat creeping up her neck. She can’t explain the feeling or why she can’t bear to look for longer than a few moments.

“Nicole and Lauren are talking.” She says, moving her eyes back to the campers.

“So?” She asks.

“They hate each other!”

She puts her book down. “Jackie, maybe you’re reading a bit too much into this.”

She huffs and forces herself to move her attention from the kids.

“What are you reading?”

“The Iliad.” She replies easily.

“Didn’t you already read that?”

“Yes.” She stiffens just slightly.

“Didn’t you say you never wanted to read it again?”

Jackie could remember the first time she read the book in ninth grade. Their English teacher had given a copy to her, warning her it was a bit difficult to read but Shauna felt the need to prove her wrong. Less than a week later she handed in the book with her head held high claiming it was no problem and their English teacher was nothing short of impressed. At lunch that day she told Jackie how much she disliked it and just wanted to get it over with.

Jackie had picked it up in a library about a year or so later when looking at books for a school project out of curiosity. She had no clue why Shauna would subject herself to it in the first place.

“I read it quickly and I was younger then. I just want a refresh before college starts, and besides while I’m rereading it I’m noticing a lot of new details.”

She laughs lightly. “As nice as Rutgers is, I don't think their English Program is prestigious enough you need to read the book twice before starting freshman year.”

It made her stomach twist to know Shauna was going to Rutgers with her in the fall. She wanted nothing more but the nagging feeling that Shauna was destined for more and Jackie was holding her back was inescapable. 

“You never know.” Shauna says, awkwardly shifting. It makes Jackie narrow her eyes, she’s acting different, like she’s hiding something.

She quickly casts away that thought, this is Shauna, her best friend. She wouldn’t hide anything from her and she was the smartest person she knew. She was just nervous about starting college and wanted to do her best. Nothing worth overanalyzing.

“I suppose.” Jackie agreed without truly meaning it.

With Shauna engrossed in the book again she had to turn to the kids who were busy with what now looked like making something. They were holding sticks and rocks and arranging them into something. She could hear the distant sound of arguing when it came to the designs of whatever they were doing.

It’s almost an hour or so later when she’s sufficiently bored to death that she finally decides to ask them what they’re doing. She walks up to where they’re all working with great determination. It would be nice if they could use this teamwork and drive to do their chores and activities.

“What are you making?” She asks.

Most of the kids keep their heads down towards the task and whisper to their friends. A few turn to her slowly like they are guilty. 

She prays this isn’t like almost a decade ago when a group tried to build a guillotine for crawfish. It was surprisingly somewhat successful. She still has nightmares about it sometimes.

“Nothing.” One of them replies.

She quirks her eyebrow. 

She knows she is a good counselor. The kids tell her, her parents do, even Coach Scott does. She isn’t embarrassed to admit that she’s good at her job. And being good at it normally means the kids feel comfortable enough to share when something happens or when they’re doing something.

So she was right. They’re up to something.

“That doesn’t look like nothing.” She says.

The girl exchanges hurried scared glances at the others who offer no support.

She folds her arms and fixes them a hard stare.

“Come with me.” A girl says.

She gets up from the task at hand and gestures for Jackie to walk with her. She almost scoffs at the way she is being treated as the child in this situation but thinks better of it. If this girl is going to tell her what’s up it’ll be worth it.

She has learned over the past weeks her name is Erin. She goes to a private school and she doesn’t take bullshit. She’s quite nice to people if they are to her as well. And she’s very honest, it can be good and bad at times.

“It’s not nothing.” Erin says quietly.

She waits for her to elaborate.

“Jackie?”

“Yeah?”

“We know you don’t have a boyfriend.” She says this in a such a disappointed way, like everyone at her age should have one and Jackie is missing out on a key experience.

“So?” Jackie asks in confusion.

“So. You should. You’re pretty and smart, not as smart as Shauna. She reads really big books. Like really big.”

She stretches out her arms to try and convey her words. Jackie can’t help the chuckle that escapes. She had carried Shauna’s book bag a few times and it was always so heavy with the many books inside of it weighing it down.

“But still you're a good person Jackie so you should have a boyfriend.” She says this like it's the most sensible logic, not at all a little demeaning.

“Erin, it’s very nice of you to be concerned but I am fine with not having a boyfriend.”

“You may think that but it’s only because you don’t have one. Look at me, my boyfriend Zach is not very smart but he picks me flowers and when he sees things that have hearts he gives them to me. He even kissed me on the cheek last week. Don’t you want these things?”

Jackie doesn’t know whether she wants to burst out laughing or roll her eyes.

“No I don’t. I am quite happy with how my life is now.”

“See we thought you’d say that, so we aren’t giving you a choice.”

She can’t help the way her jaw comically drops. She opens and closes her mouth a few times at the sheer arrogance of this little girl.

“Jeff is a good person. He is cute and I think he’s good at sports. I don’t know because I haven’t seen him play any but I think he would be good.”

“So?”

“You two would be great together. Just picture it.”

“Erin, no. Just no.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t like Jeff!” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

Erin doesn’t respond, she just stops walking and turns backwards, going back to where all the children are still engaged in making something that somehow relates to her dating Jeff.

“You okay?” A voice asks that most definitely doesn’t belong to one of her campers.

“Jesus Christ!” She shrieks. 

And of course Jeff has decided to appear now. 

“I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t.”

She’s still holding her hand against her chest in surprise. 

“Something wrong?”

“You know just the campers being weird.”

“When aren’t they?”

Jackie gives a wry smile.

“I think they want us to date.” She can’t help the way it slips out.

“What?”

“The campers.”

“Is that why they ask ed for my ring size?”

She just stares with wide eyes and makes a broken sound in the back of her throat. 

“Yeah I think they’re planning a bit more than us dating.” He blushes. “I’m sorry. I had no idea this was going on.”

“No I am, I don’t know how this idea got in their head.” Jackie replied.

It’s quiet for a moment, all they can hear are the muted sounds of the campers.

“If it helps I didn’t tell them my ring size.”

“I don’t think that deterred them in the slightest.”

“I can tell them to stop.”

“No it’s okay, I can.”

“We both can.”

“Sure.”

They both walk over to where the campers are absent mindedly working on what might be a wedding ceremony. 

“As nice as it is that you all are so focused on the happiness of me and Jackie we can assure you that we are both perfectly fine not dating, and not being married.”

“How do you know?” A girl asks.

“Yeah! Have you ever been married before?” Another says.

He pauses for a few seconds. “No and I am okay with that considering I turned eighteen less than a year ago.”

“Oh, so you’re too old for marriage?”

“What? No!”

“Eighteen is really old.”

“Yeah that’s like two decades.” A different girl tuts.

“You all are seven!” He says in exasperation.

They all blink back at him. “So?”

He pinches his brow and sighs. “I am not getting married right now. Me and Jackie are friends and we will stay friends. You all need to stop making this wedding thing.”

“But Sarah told me that Troy told Brooke that Randy said-” 

“Okay! Okay! That’s enough.” His cheeks are bright red. “Clean all this up.”

They groan and mutter to themselves but don’t make any further arguments.

“Thank you.” Jackie says to him genuinely as he makes his way back to his group.

“No problem.” He smiles at her. “I would do it anytime.”

With that he turns back and jogs off.

The kids are still sulking when she looks at them. One girl in particular looks like she’s about to cry. 

Oh fuck.

“Look, I really appreciate the fact you all went to such lengths to try and do something nice for us.” Jackie tries.

“Then why didn’t you let us go through with it?”

“It just wouldn’t be right.”

“What are we supposed to do with all of this stuff now?”

“Yeah! We have just started and it’s all for nothing.”

“We can use it for something else.”

“No we can’t!”

“Are there any animals that want to get married?” Jackie offers.

“Don’t be stupid you can’t force two animals that don’t want to get married to get married just because you want them to.”

It takes her so much restraint to not point out that is exactly what they were planning to do to her and Jeff.

She sighs. “Do any of you want to get married?”

No one answers.

“Do you want to marry someone else?” A girl asks.

“What?” Jackie asks in confusion.

“If not Jeff, is there someone else?”

“No.” 

“Randy?”

“No.”

“Travis?”

“No.”

“Kevyn?”

“No, the answer is no. I don’t want to marry any man.”

“So someone who's not a man?”

She pauses and fights for words. “No, no. I didn’t say that.”

“Shauna.”

She opens her mouth but no sound escapes.

“Are you ridiculous two girls can’t get married!” Another girl chimes.

“But they’re best friends and this would all be for nothing then.”

The group seems to take this into consideration.

“Okay then. Shauna and Jackie will get married.”

“What?” Jackie asks in utter confusion and disbelief.

“Yes. Don’t worry, we'll set the date.”

“What? I-” She can’t move and her mouth can’t produce complete sentences. Her brain feels jumbled. The campers are continuing to work on what will now be Jackie and Shauna’s wedding. The only saving grace is that the girl with tears in her eyes was now happily weaving together sticks.

She can’t do anything besides walk away back to where Shauna was sitting. She isn’t sure if she made the situation worse or better.

***

It isn’t until much later in the day when Jackie works up the courage to tell Shauna. She didn’t know why she didn’t tell her sooner. It was funny, her campers had tri ed to marry her to Jeff and then to her best friend. Purely comedic. Except it didn’t feel like it. The words to tell Shauna were caught in her throat and she was trying to find the most casual way to go about telling her.

It was stupid really, she had no reason to be embarrassed about telling Shauna. She would no doubt laugh it off and they would return to casual conversation.

It is about nine at night. Shauna is still reading but Jackie can tell she’s made great progress with the book today. The campers have all been put to sleep and the only light is coming from a lamp near the foot of Shauna’s bed Jackie had asked her parents to lend to her for the purpose of Shauna being able to read at night during summer.

If Shauna ever asked about it she would have no idea how it got there. 

Laura Lee was peacefully sleeping in her bed with a stuffed bear clenched in her hands near her head.

“Shauna?” 

She hums in acknowledgement.

“This funny thing happened today.” She whispers, not wanting to wake Laura Lee.

“What?” She whispers back.

“The campers tried to plan a wedding for me and Jeff.”

“Oh.” Her voice is more off than Jackie would have expected, almost annoyed or disappointed.

Jackie starts to ramble out of nervousness. “They were making rings and a walkway, that’s what the girls acting weird were working on this morning. Even some of the boys were helping them.” 

“Funny, yeah.” Indifference is not the emotion she hoped to get out of her. What emotion did she hope for?

“Do you like him?” Shauna blurted out.

Jackie was stunned for a second, she had no clue why. “No.”

“Really?”

She looks down. “Well I don’t know.”

She knew the answer. She didn’t like him. She didn’t like the way he spoke or the way he did his hair. She didn’t like the fact he was kind or how his face looked when so many other girls would. It drives her mad, truly that she can’t like him because he is someone that should be perfect for her. He is someone all teenage girls would swoon over. But she doesn’t, and it scares her a bit if she’s being honest with herself. If she can’t feel something for him, can she feel something for anyone?

“It’s okay if you do.” She says softly.

She couldn’t tell Shauna the truth. She couldn’t let someone know that she might be broken, she might not be capable of love. Shauna was her best friend and she didn’t want her to look at her in a pitying way. The sheer idea of speaking about love openly with Shauna was nothing short of terrifying.

“I told them to stop the wedding.” 

“Oh.” She wants to ask her what that means but she doesn’t.

There are no words to be spoken after that. Shauna continues reading her book and Jackie tries to flip through magazines out of boredom. It’s after Shauna puts down her book and switches off the light sending the room into darkness that Jackie remembers the reason she brought up the topic in the first place.

“Shipman?” She whispers, attempting to sound casual

“Yes?” She murmurs, clearly moments away from sleep.

“Are you still awake?”

“Obviously.” 

“The campers decided to marry us instead.”

The room goes quiet for a few seconds.

“What?” Her voice is louder now, the haze of sleep is gone as well.

“Um, yes.” She responds dumbly. What else was she supposed to say?

“Oh, okay.” Jackie hates that she has no clue what Shauna’s thinking.

“Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.”

She could tell sleep wouldn’t come easy to her tonight.

Chapter Text

There were certain times Lottie wished she had taken another job during this summer. It’s not that she disliked the outdoors but working at an ice cream parlor or…well that’s the only one she could think of right now, seemed preferable.

She had originally wanted to be at a summer camp because it would give her the excuse to get out of that house. She had wanted just to experience calling a different place home even if just temporarily and a farce for so long and it felt eerie most days opening her eyes in the morning to be met with wooden walls and a girl sharing her room instead of the tall ceilings and overwhelmingness of her usual grand bedroom.

She is aware that is probably a very stupid reason to become a camp counselor. The things the job requires are being able to work with kids and having an understanding of the outdoors.

 She has neither.

She had never babysat before, never gone on a camping trip, never had a sibling, a cousin, gone to a summer camp. These are all becoming apparent once employed at one.

She had wanted a sibling for a while but she knew why she didn’t. Regardless she had always liked the idea of having someone to take care of. Having a person she could whisper to while her parents argued. Perhaps even someone who shared her condition to make her feel less alone.

She could point to her sibling and say, “ See, there are others like me .” But no sibling ever came so no statement was made.

“I can burp the loudest!” One boy yelled.

“No I can!” Another responded.

Maybe the true reason she wishes she was working in an ice cream parlor is because it’s hot out and the campers are more than a bit annoying. Who has ever enjoyed watching preteens?

It’s giving her a newfound appreciation for her middle school teachers.

These kids made her wish she had a pet. Pets can’t talk. She really wished preteen boys couldn’t talk.

And that is how she found herself away from her group.

It wasn’t on purpose, her feet just carefully took her away towards the bathroom because that would be a sensible reason to leave her group. Except most stalls in the bathroom were locked and occupied, it also reminded her she doesn’t want to sit in the bathroom for an unknown period of time. That is shameful enough. So she was now wandering around the trails of camp. 

She thinks she’s pretty well acquainted with them after about two weeks of using them. She wouldn’t say leaving her group is a habit of hers but the kids can look after themselves well enough and sitting in the sun is just too miserable. Besides, it's not like she doesn’t notice Mari occasionally slipping away or Kevyn just getting up and leaving. 

What she’s doing isn’t harming anyone. In fact she had rescued a fellow counselor, Natalie, out of a tree so she would say she’s doing more good things for the camp than not.

Lottie still smiles at the humor of such a situation. She thinks only Nat could have done such a thing. On second thought she could imagine Jackie doing it as well.

She would say it’s only about ten minutes of wandering when she can hear someone behind her. She turns to find who she thinks is a Butterflies counselor. 

She has seen her around a few times. Her honey blonde hair flows down her back somehow perfectly straight, untangled, and by the looks of it freshly washed. She strictly wears pastels and white when it comes to clothing. Today she sports a yellow blouse with a skirt that comes to below her knees, the pattern of it is floral. Lottie has no idea how she packed so many long skirts and hasn’t traded them out for shorts yet. Her shoes are the only thing somewhat appropriate for the outdoors, a pink pair of converse.

The girl always has a cross pendant around her neck and never lets it rest under her clothing, it always rests on her shirt or dress for all to see. She thinks her name starts with an L but she’s not entirely sure due to the quietness of the girl. She almost finds it funny that the girl is not shy, not reserved, but just has a naturally quiet voice, even when speaking in a normal tone she has noticed it goes over others heads.

She had been told by many over the years that knew her well that she was good at noticing the details of people. In her opinion they are hidden in plain sight but everyone is too wrapped up in themselves and their own wants to look at what's plainly in front of them.

“Hello?” Lottie says after the girl isn’t making any move to walk past her.

“Hi.” She answers shyly.

“Are you okay?” She has no clue what she’s supposed to say.

“I-yes.” She says shakily.

Lottie knows she probably should ask what’s wrong, try to comfort her. The problem is she has never comforted anyone in her life. The friends she had at school and in sports and clubs were only a distraction for the time during those events. They never spoke about feeling and she certainly never saw them cry. The last time she saw anyone cry was her mother when she was six.

Lottie just gives her an unsure nod and starts slowly going forward prepared to end whatever awkward interaction this is.

“Wait.” The counselor says.

She turns.

“Can you help me find something?”

“Uh sure.” It gives her an excuse not to see her campers so it can’t be the worst thing in the world.

“I lost my bear.”

“Bear?”

“You know, like a stuffed animal.”

“One of your campers?”

She blushes in embarrassment. “No mine.”

“Oh okay.”

And yep this is happening. She is helping a girl who is almost eighteen or already eighteen look for her stuffed bear. 

“Do you know where you lost him?”

“No but I had him yesterday. Some of the campers wanted to take him with us to our activities. I didn’t really want to but it made them happy.”

“That’s nice of you.” She isn’t entirely sure if she’s saying this to make her feel better or because she means it.

“Thanks.”

“So where do you want to start looking?”

“I was going to go to where we have free time first.”

“Lead the way.”

The two of them walk in silence over to where the Butterflies were the previous day. It’s not a bad silence though, almost nice. The girl is herself which is refreshing to see in a person. Yes, it is weird she’s this old and brought her childhood stuffed animal to her job but she prefers it over the carbon copies and mirage of lies that made up her classmates in private school.

They scour the area but there is no sign of a stuffed bear.

“Do you think you lost it somewhere else?” Lottie questions.

“I guess I did.” She looks so defeated.

“We can keep looking."

The girl smiles softly up at her and guides her towards another spot her group went. 

The counselors continue looking for what felt like hours to Lottie but was probably close to a single hour. They go over the activities the Butterflies had the previous day multiple times and go to each spot. The girl recounts everything that happened at what time and where but there is no luck with finding the bear.

As each minute passes she can see the girl getting more and more distraught. 

She really hopes they find that fucking bear or else she’ll be stuck with her crying. 

“Let’s take a little break.” She offers.

Lottie sits down on the grass under the shade of a tree and slumps against the trunk.

It’s unbelievably hot and she didn’t bring a hair tie to at least get the hair out of her face and the back of her neck.

The girl takes a seat on the grass as well. Lottie can’t explain how she looks disoriented besides her face but something about her entire demeanor has shifted from the way she has normally observed her. 

She doesn’t doubt that she is the best Butterfly counselor. While Jackie loves her job, is good with the kids, and has history with the camp, it’s clear one of the main reasons is the excuse to be around Shauna and vice versa. Neither of them are bad with campers but this girl actually listens to what they have to say and doesn’t treat them as less because of their age. 

She observes the way she makes an effort to interact with all of them and just loves what she does. Lottie thinks she’d make a good elementary or preschool teacher, honestly she hopes that’s the profession she goes into partly because she’d enjoy it and partly because she thinks she is not quite capable of doing something else or being in the real world. 

That does make her wonder if her group got in a dangerous situation if she would be able to help her campers in any way or settle a dispute, she’s guessing the answer is no.

The girl's words pull her from her thoughts. “I’ve had him for years. My parents gave him to me when I was just a baby and now he’s gone.”

“We’ll find him.” She supplies with reassurance.

“But what if we don’t.”

“We will.”

“What if this is the Lord punishing me?” She whispers.

Okay, wow this got dark really quickly. Lottie was not prepared to have religion come into this, especially considering her religious experience was limited to her parents taking her to be evaluated by a Pastor once out of desperation.

“No-I-I highly doubt that.” She tries.

“You don’t get it.”

Lottie waits for her to respond.

“I’ve done some bad things.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t take your bear from you.” She replies awkwardly.

“But he would.” She sniffles. “I did horrible things to my piano teacher back home.”

“What?” Her voice cracks slightly. She couldn’t imagine this girl capable of horrible things.

“I’ve been learning piano for years. I had the same teacher since I was seven but she retired and I had a new one for my last year of high school. She was a lot more strict and would get more angry if I messed up a note. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” The last part is barely audible.

“Did you kill her?” 

“What?” She frowns, redirecting her gaze from the grass to Lottie.

That was probably a fair reaction. She had no clue what possessed her to say that.

“Yeah sorry.” She says sheepishly.

“But I did something close to it.”

“What did you do?”

“I called her a bad word. A really really bad word.”

“What was it?”

“Cunt.”

Lottie wants absolutely nothing more than to laugh hysterically but she thinks if she does the poor girl might burst into tears so she just barely contains herself.

“Only in my head though. I would never say that out loud to her, I never could. I mean when I said that in my head I didn’t take into account the fact she has a family, maybe a little baby. She has other students who she might be really nice to because they are better pianists than me. I think she’s fifty years old too, she’s right on death's door. She could be the kindest soul and I still said that horrible word to her. To think she could be in heaven for eternity and me in hell because I said that. And he took my Leonard to teach me a lesson.”

“You know I named him Leonard after the saint? He’s not a very popular saint. He was Frankish and alive around the year five hundred. I didn’t want him to be forgotten for all the good things he did so I thought I could name my bear after him. My parents said that was such a kind thing to do. They said I was a great daughter. But look at me now.”

Lottie just sits there in utter shock at this confession and the girl now crying before her which she still doesn’t know the name of and it is becoming more and more of a problem by the second.

“I am sure he just got misplaced. He’ll show up soon.” She places her hand on the counselor's arm gently and is surprised when the girl pulls her into a hug.

“You’re so kind. The Lord loves you, Lottie.”

And great this couldn’t get any more humiliating because this girl knows her name which means she should probably have known hers by now.

“Thank you?” She answers in confusion, trying to pat her back in a soothing way.

“It’s just the truth, you are a kind soul.” She says as she breaks off the hug so she can smile gently at her.

“Are you religious?” She asks hopefully.

“Um no.”

“Oh. Well if you ever want to be Christian I can baptize you. It would be better done by a real Pastor but I doubt the camp will let you leave unless there is an emergency so if you want to welcome the Lord into your heart we can make do with what we have.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

She half expects the girl to argue with her or look disappointed, on the contrary she doesn’t take the slightest offence to Lottie’s words. “It’s okay. You know where to find me if you ever change your mind.”

With that the girl stands up and glances in the direction of where her group is. She dusts off her skirt and readjusts her blouse from the subtle changes the hour of searching had done that Lottie supposes she isn’t proper enough to notice. “I should get back to them but thank you for helping me.” She says earnestly.

“No problem.” Lottie felt bad that they hadn’t found it with all their searching.

“Goodbye.”

The girl gives her a sad but thankful smile and walks off.

***

“Do you know whose this is?”  Natalie asks her in passing as she’s following her group to their next activity. “I know it’s not someone in my group and I doubt it’s someone in yours but I’m walking by so I might as well ask.”

Dangling from her hand was a stuffed bear.

“Leonard!” She exclaims a tad too loud no not look weird.

“He’s yours?” Nat looks at her skeptically, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Oh no, the Butterfly counselor lost her bear.”

“Laura Lee? The blonde one?”

Yes, that’s her name! Fucking finally.

“Yes.”

“I can’t take it to her, I have to go to Archery which is in the wrong direction of the Butterflies. I think they have Arts & Crafts at the moment, not sure.” She trails off.

“I can take it to her.”

Natalie hands the bear to her. True to Laura Lee’s words, he does look about eighteen years old. He is a pale brown now and his fur is scruffy, one of his eyes looks like it's on the verge of falling off.

“Where did you find him?” Lottie asks.

“By the Nature area, he was at the beginning of one of the trails.”

“Thank you.” She says truthfully.

“No problem.” Nat responds, handing the bear over and walking away. Lottie isn’t sure exactly why her eyes follow her longer than needed but when she becomes aware of it she pulls her gaze away and sets off in the direction of the Butterflies.

When she arrives at the Arts & Crafts cabin everything appears to be in full swing. She can hear the campers loudly speaking and shouting at one another. They look to be using colored pencils to draw pictures and somehow glitter is involved because she can see it scattered across the tables and covering some of the kids' faces.

Laura Lee smiles at her when she notices her approaching and her smile only widens when she notices what Lottie is holding in her hand.

She sits up from her table and rushes over to where Lottie is standing.

“You found him!” She gushes and wraps her arms around her in an even tighter hug than before. Lottie tries to hug her back but her limbs feel awkward holding another, she can’t remember the last time she hugged someone before today.

“Thank you.” 

“It was Nat who found him, not me.” Lottie says as she holds out the bear to her which she gratefully accepts.

“Well I’ll be sure to thank her, too.”

Lottie can’t think of anything more to say and is grateful when she doesn’t have to. Some of the Butterflies start to swarm her and Leonard, they excitedly tell Laura Lee how happy they are about his return and she listens to what each of them have to say patiently.

She takes it as her cue to leave. She checks the clock on exiting the cabin and is glad to see the time that has passed. She’s successfully avoided being around her campers for two hours.

Chapter Text

Van hadn’t gotten sick at many points in her childhood. The occasional cold here or there but she had always been lucky to not have any major illness or having been sick for an extended period of time. It never even came to her mind as something to be thankful for, that was until Nat had got sick. 

It was years ago when they were twelve. Natalie had always been more susceptible to sickness, Van had found it quite funny actually. The girl who always claimed she could do anything, the girl who listened to hard rock, the girl who scared others in the halls with simply a glance could get a cold and have it stick for a month.

Van could only imagine the struggle of a preteen trying to be menacing while sneezing and a tissue in hand.

Most of what Nat got sick with wasn’t detrimental, she would be fine in a few days or a week. But there was one time when it wasn’t.

It wasn’t with something serious. It was just that Nat didn't have the money to get anything besides basic painkillers to help it and it wasn’t like her parents would justify buying it or giving her just some help to work through it.

Van was in a similar financial situation which made it a bit difficult to help.

So she researched, when Nat’s symptoms were persistent and it was clear she was skipping school not out of boredom but need she knew she had to find some way to fix it. She went to the library, a place she had never been in their middle school. She had always assumed it would be an underwhelming room with the school being underfunded in all. She was correct, most of the shelves were empty and the books were hardly organized. She still managed to come across a book about what she thought Nat had and she looked for every way to cure it.

Of course the most effective ways were things she couldn’t give to Nat but she was willing to play nurse for a little while if that meant her best friend was okay in the end.

For almost two weeks she skipped various days and snuck into Nat’s house so she could check on her. She would go to the store after school and take medications, she didn’t really care if she got caught. In her mind Nat was worth it and Van’s opinion on that had never changed.

She wouldn’t just bring medication, she would try to snag some snacks at the store because Nat was unlikely to feed herself in that state. If she had a few hours of free time she would swing by the video store and bring her a movie.

Nat would always tell her she was doing too much but Van would scoff and say if Nat couldn’t even get out of bed she would use that as an excuse to make her watch her favorite films that Nat wouldn’t have done despite the situation.

Nat would glare at her but didn’t protest with the reasoning.

Once she got better she never had a sickness anywhere near as bad. As Natalie got older she grew out of it and got only common colds. Van still wouldn’t miss the opportunity to joke about it with her but after a while that grew old and forgotten.

In fact the memory had only resurfaced when she heard of the girl who was sick.

Jackie had shown up to breakfast that morning looking ragged which was weird. Van didn’t particularly care about Jackie but she always seemed to be chipper and have the same wavy hair perfectly styled without being styled and effortless face without wearing makeup. Today her hair looked rumpled, just a little but enough it was evident. There were bags under her eyes that weren’t there the previous day. The thing that tied it together was she was wearing two different socks, they were both white but different shades and lengths. How scandalous. 

Upon closer inspection all of the Butterfly counselors looked ragged. Shauna stared at her food, blinking slowly. She looked even less put together than Jackie, her hair was in a loose bun on top of her head. It looked slept in and like she hadn’t bothered to take it out. Upon closer inspection her shirt was inside out as well.

 Laura Lee’s head droops every few seconds before she raises it again and it inevitably falls back down.

It’s safe to say the Butterfly counselors look thoroughly exhausted.

“What the hell happened to them?” Nat asks. Due to her rivalry with Jackie she had expected it to be in a smug tone but there was nothing but curiosity in her voice.

“No clue.” Tai said inspecting them as well.

“One of their campers is sick.”

Everyone turned to Lottie.

“She was puking all night, no one in the cabin got any sleep. They might have to send her home. I doubt this camp has decent medication or that they can notify her parents to get it and then send it here.” When she was finished speaking she picked up her fork like nothing had happened and no one spoke. “Why are you all looking at me funny?”

“How do you know this stuff?” Nat asks.

“A magician never reveals his secrets.” She muses.

Nat just rolls her eyes but Van can see the quirk of her lip threatening to show a smile on her face.

With that the talk of it is finished for the meal though they all spare some pitying glances in their direction.

She doesn’t see the Butterfly group or hear of the sick girl again until after lunch. She is pleasantly enjoying having to walk to the Mess Hall again to grab a water bottle one of her campers left. At first she was annoyed, the girl was nine she could get her own water bottle easily but the break from children is almost heavenly and she won’t complain about the lack of talkativeness from the trees. 

After she gets the bottle she notices a girl outside of the bathroom near the Mess Hall. She looks like she has just been in the lake, upon closer inspection she is sweating profusely. Her cheeks are flushed, she is holding a hand against her chest, she appears to be breathing heavily. 

So this is the girl in the Butterfly cabin who got sick.

“You alright?” Van asks as she approaches her. She cringes internally at her words because the answer is clear in front of her that she is absolutely not.

The girl only nods.

“Let's take a seat in the Mess Hall for a second.” She offers, trying to be as kind as possible.

She nods again. 

Van walks towards it slowly and opens the door, she turns back several times to make sure the girl hasn’t passed out. 

“Do you feel nauseous?”

“A bit.” Her voice is gruff.

Before asking further she brings over a trash bin and sets it down in front of the girl. Her idea was proven helpful when the girl gags and only a few seconds later promptly empties her stomach into it.

“Lucy?” A new voice says.

The girl turns as well as Van and they see Jackie standing at the door.

“Why are you in here?” Jackie asks.

“Why aren’t you with her?” 

She looks somewhat offended Van would question her. “I had to look for medicine.”

“Did you find any?”

“Well no, but there probably is some. I had to go back to my cabin to get the keys to the office but I haven’t actually gone to look yet.”

Lucy retches again, more violently this time. Van feels bad for her, she can hear her gasping for breath. Her knuckles are white as she grasps the trash bin and she trembles.

Jackie looks affected by it as well, except she sports a look of mild disgust. She doubts Jackie is actually disgusted by the girl but Van is sure she has never looked after a sick person and sees the display as gross.

Van doesn’t. She can’t. She’s seen it too many times. Her mother the most, sometimes it would bring her comfort. As terrible of a reminder as it was it told her that she was alive.

“You can get the medication now.” She snaps. She didn’t mean to but Jackie was just standing there looking at the poor girl like she did something wrong, like it physically hurt her to watch the display that Lucy can’t control in the slightest.

“Right, sorry.” She apologizes.

“What’s going on?” When she turns this time at the door is Taissa. Her eyes flit between Van, Lucy, and Jackie. Behind her left shoulder is Shauna who is also accessing the situation.

“Jackie’s getting this girl medication. What are you doing here?” Van answers.

“I thought something happened, it was taking an awfully long time to retrieve a water bottle. I ran into Shauna on the way, she wanted to check on Jackie.”

She can’t help the warm feeling creeping up her neck at Tai coming to check on her. It was stupid. Van knew it was just because she was a good person and a good friend. Nothing more.

They both walked further into the Mess Hall. Shauna came beside the girl and she started to whisper soothing words to her while rubbing her back. Lucy looked like she appreciated the presence of her counselor and Van felt like she should leave them. She trailed after Jackie who was checking a key ring for the one that would unlock the office, Tai followed after.

After no more than a minute of fumbling and unsuccessful attempts to fit in the lock she finds the right one and the door is unlocked.

Van had never been in the office before, even when doing her interview it was conducted in the Mess Hall. Since the Mess Hall was connected to the office she has expected this to have a similar feel. It didn’t. While the Mess Hall was light and comforting this looked dark and damp.

Jackie flicked on a switch next to the door frame and they all watched the lightbulb slowly flicker to life. Jackie walks over the left half of the room which is almost entirely cabinets and starts opening them. Van and Tai follow suit.

“Is there anything from this decade?” Tai asks as she holds up a cough medicine bottle that expired in ‘91. 

“This was the nurse’s office as well for a long time but we haven’t had one in a while.”

“That has to be some code violation.” Taissa muttered.

Jackie didn’t deny it.

After what was maybe ten minutes of going through every cabinet they were able to set out a few pill bottles of things that weren’t expired or had only expired recently.

When they reenter the Mess Hall Lucy doesn’t look any better than she was before, if anything she looks worse.

“Can you call her parents?” Tai asks Jackie.

“Normally that’s a last minute thing. If it was really serious.”

No one gives an answer because the girl in front of them who looks quite unwell speaks loud enough.

“I’ll go do that now.” She squeaks. 

Van feels foolish for not offering that option earlier. Just because she couldn’t rely on her mother to pick up the phone doesn’t mean the sentiment is true for others.

She returns from the office around not long after. “Her mom can’t pick her up today but she’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

“What do we do with her until then?” Shauna asks.

“I guess we let her sleep in the cabin and someone watches her.”

“What if she’s contagious?” Tai questions.

“There has to be some place she can rest that's away from other campers.” Van adds.

She fiddles with the key ring and bites her lip in thought. “The old boys cabin!”

Everyone turns to her.

“It was for the boys that were specialty counselors like Melissa, Crystal, Akilah and so on who taught activities but there haven’t been enough boys teaching them for it to be in use for a few years. It’s out of service but there are still bunks in there and I think it would be safe for us to take her there for one night.”

“Let's go.” Tai says without missing a beat.

Shauna assists Lucy with sitting up and Van goes into the office to look for a small lined trash can they can bring with them, luckily she finds one. When everyone is ready Jackie leads them to the cabin. It is further out than the rest of the buildings, when they get close they can see the cabin where the girls specialty counselors sleep. The two cabins look almost identical and aren’t far apart. They are much smaller than the cabins they sleep in but Van can imagine it's worth it to sleep without the kids and their constant noise.

When Jackie unlocks the door they are met with two beds on opposite sides of the cabin. There is a bathroom in the far left corner of the room. Near the bathroom is a table with four chairs and close to the entrance is a couch. Despite it being uninhabited none of the furniture is in bad shape or looks particularly old. 

The room has a sort of damp smell, that she can’t decide her opinion on. Shauna leads Lucy over to the nearest bed. She sits down and breathes heavily from their long walk. She looks worse than before.

“Hey, who is watching our groups?” Van asks.

“Randy.” Tai says.

“Laura Lee.” Shauna answers at the same time.

“Why the fuck are they the ones in charge?” Van questions.

“I wanted to check on you! Who else was going to watch them?” Tai defends.

She really should argue more but the idea of Tai leaving them behind for her makes her stomach lurch in a not entirely unwelcome way. She definitely should be more worried about the kids than she is. 

Fuck she’s a terrible counselor isn’t she?

“I’ll go back.” Shauna offers.

“What no.” Jackie says.

“I wanted to check on you too but now I have and leaving Laura Lee with that many kids on her own is arguably worse than leaving Randy.”

They all silently agree.

“Fine.” She huffs and crosses her arms.

“Taissa aren't you coming?” Shauna asks.

“What?” 

“I’m not trying to say you can’t help but your group needs you more.” Shauna tries to say as politely as possible. Van knows she’s just telling the truth, while Laura Lee is terrible at getting kids to listen to her she actually tries quite hard to do her job well, Randy on the other hand is missing half the time.

“No I-” Tai argues, her eyebrows are knitted like she needs to stay with Van. She knows she’s just imagining it but it’s nice to pretend it could be real.

“Everyone else can go back. She doesn’t need a bunch of people watching over her right now and we all still have a job to do. I can stay with her until the morning.” Van’s tone leaves no room for argument.

The three of them filter out of the cabin without another word and through the window over the bed where Lucy sits she can see them all start off in the direction of their groups.

“Lay back.” Van instructs the girl. She does, leaning against the pillows but partially sitting upwards. When she is settled Van checks her temperature with her forehead quickly, her temple is slick with sweat.

“You’re too hot. How do you feel?”

“Awful.” She chokes out.

Van removes herself from her side and enters the bathroom. There is a cup next to the sink which she fills with water. She is pleasantly surprised to find the water running and that it appears to be clean.

She brings the glass back to her and gets out one of the pill bottles. She pulls up a chair closer to the bed and offers them out to her.

“This should help bring down your fever. It won’t do much for the vomiting sadly but an added bonus is it will make you tired so maybe that will help it indirectly. Do you want to take it?”

She nods quickly.

Lucy grasps two of the pills and the glass, she swallows them easily. It’s only around half an hour of sitting there with the trash bin close by before the girl nods off.

The sleep only lasts an hour. She is up again with the bin in hand and Van holding her hair out of her face as she retches. She takes her temperature when the girl's face gets too flushed. She knows she’s not well suited for the job, she doesn’t actually know what the girl is sick with or the real way it would be solved but she feels the need to keep her safe until morning.

The rest of the day follows the same pattern. Lucy will sleep, wake up, throw up, a fair amount of the time she just stares at the ceiling above her. She apologizes to Van multiple times, she tells her it's no problem. She doesn’t say it to be nice, she says it because it's real. She’s seen it too many times for it to phase her, the only thing she feels for the girl is pity for her condition.

Being sick in the middle of the woods has to suck.

When dinner rolls around Tai brings them both plates. Van thanks her and she tries to get Lucy to eat but she can’t manage more than a few bites .

As the sun falls lower in the sky and eventually they are plunged into darkness she finds herself nodding off at times. She won't allow herself to get up and walk to t he bed across the room.

Despite her best attempts at staying conscious she does fall asleep. When she wakes she glimpses her black hair and the bin clutched loosely in her hand even in sleep. The only person she sees for a second is Natalie, her hair before the bleach and the slope of her nose which had a startling similarity. It didn’t matter that she was years younger than Nat when she was sick, the light or lack thereof always had a way of playing tricks. 

She recalls Nat at twelve in Van’s trailer because it was quieter and she didn’t want her to have to worry about her father coming in at any moment and yelling at her until dawn. 

Her father had always hated Van. Most parents didn’t like her but Nat’s dad especially disliked her. She didn’t understand why for years but by the time she was a teen she did.

 He didn’t want his daughter becoming a dyke like she was. When they had sleepovers in the trailer he had always insisted the door stay open, she had never known why.

She reminded herself that this was Lucy. 

Even though she did this when she woke again, this time startled by the wind Nat was all she saw. The cycle repeated over and over until morning. Forgotten memories always had a way of making themselves known.