Work Text:
Shen Yuan wasn’t afraid of insects.
In fact, in university, Shen Yuan was the usual helpline whenever someone was crying and begging for help to “PLEASE HELP ME GET THIS BEE OUT OF MY ROOM!!!” And whenever he was called for bug-related help, he would sigh and wonder why some were so afraid of these tiny creatures. Thinking about it, Shen Yuan realized was quite fond of the creepy crawlers because of how strangely alien they were. (His brother Shen Jiu said before that it was the closest Shen Yuan would ever get to those monsters he read in webnovels… and, well, Shen Yuan didn’t disagree).
Ah, Shen Yuan really wasn’t a screamer when it came to spiders or caterpillars or moths. In fact, at his job at the daycare, he gently encouraged the little kids, so terrified of even ants, to let go of their fear: “The little spider is scared too, Yingying. It probably misses its mama. So, why don’t we put it in a cup and let it go back outside, okay?"
"No matter how clean or dirty your surroundings are, bugs will be everywhere. And even if we can’t avoid them, we must still be kind to them.”
Shen Yuan wasn't afraid of bugs. Not at all.
But.
But, one morning as he frantically ran through his house, already five minutes late for work, and grabbed a pair of multicolored socks and yanked his work shoes on and slammed open the door to his apartment and—
There was a cockroach.
There was a cockroach waiting politely, like a gentleman, right on his doormat.
It was FAT.
The cockroach’s wings began to lift, letting the early sunlight shine yellow rays onto a body that was ten centimeters in length. A ten-centimeter long cockroach... I've never seen this kind of cockroach before. Is it a rare species? Its wings are shivering slightly... I wonder if it's hurt? Its legs are trembling too! And also its antennae are— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Shen Yuan wasn’t afraid of bugs. But when the FAT cockroach began to LEAP and FLY onto his face— SHEN YUAN WASN’T AFRAID OF BUGS— SHEN YUAN WASN’T AFRAID OF BUGS—
I’M NOT SCARED!!!!!!!!!
…
…
…
Later that day, when the cute daycare kids worriedly questioned why his shirt was thoroughly soaked with sweat… he wondered if they'd believe their super “strong” Mr Shen was cornered by a FAT cockroach for an hour that morning…
—-----------
Shen Yuan wasn’t a hypocrite! If he taught those kids that “bugs aren’t disgusting, and we shouldn’t hurt them because they help us grow flowers” then he was going to stick to his word!!! How could he teach the next generation one thing, and do the opposite behind their back? That would be terrible! Treasonous! He’d get sent to some horrible acid-water prison and ripped into a human stick for this crime!
So, no. No killing bugs. But… Well, that shouldn’t be very hard, right? Despite not earning much money at the daycare, Shen Yuan lived in quite a nice apartment complex maintained regularly by quite a skillful pest extermination company. Bed bugs? Never heard of them. Silverfish? Wasn’t that from some block game?
Any bug in his apartment was usually some natural outside critter that accidentally wandered onto Shen Yuan’s doorstep. And this was likely the same situation with that poor FAT cockroach. Meaning: since it came from outside, it would likely chill for a bit in Shen Yuan’s apartment before heading back out into nature. It wasn’t some permanent thing. And, it meant there was only ONE cockroach in his home rather than a colony of pests here to stay.
See? No need to kill some poor confused bug. Eventually, the FATTY will go back outside to hunt ants or something. It will help maintain the local ecosystem and contribute to animal society. It will return back to the natural cycle. It will…
It will, eventually.
Eventually…
“...”
After being frightened that morning, Shen Yuan returned to his luxurious apartment with nothing more than hope and a prayer that it will eventually go back outside it will go outside on its own it will leave it will leave on its own it will leave—
A FAT cockroach skittered across his living room as if examining a new property. And when it heard the door open, it paused in its self-guided tour to stare at Shen Yuan. It looked at him as if Shen Yuan was intruding in the cockroach's apartment.
“...”
Ha ha no need to worry ha ha ha HA— even if the cockroach doesn’t leave on its own, it’ll likely keep itself in one room. Probably the kitchen— which is good! Because Shen Yuan never cooked for himself anyway! Actually, if it kept itself in the kitchen, he’d have a new excuse: “Jiu-ge, can I have some money to buy takeaway? If you don’t, then I won’t have anything to eat today! Oh, sorry, I can’t cook for myself because there’s a big FAT FATTY cockroach living in my kitchen and, ah? Wait. Is the cockroach moving again??? Is it AAAAAAAAAAA—
HA… HA… Did Shen Yuan smell like trash or something??? Why did the cockroach always fly at him??? Not to mention… WHY DOES IT ALWAYS AIM FOR MY FACE???
Then, a thought struck Shen Yuan’s mind like a thunderbolt God sends to strike the sinful: Is the cockroach… is it aiming for my lips?
“...”
“...”
“...”
Anyway… The next week went by horribly. The cockroach did not obediently sequester itself and hide in Shen Yuan’s nice high-tech (and unused) kitchen. In fact, it didn’t hide at all. It walked about his apartment like a regular human— even lying in wait for Shen Yuan to open doors so it could sprint into another room and inspect the new area.
And once the FATTY found Shen Yuan’s bedroom, this living nightmare very quickly transformed into some horrible endless abyss of hell.
Every night, after walking around his apartment for who knows what reason, that FAT cockroach would lie slanted on his bed pillow— the blankets folded open, his heated blanket (somehow) switched on and set to his favorite temperature— as if waiting for Shen Yuan to join him for a night under the blankets!
"..."
No.
Shen Yuan slammed the bedroom door closed.
The day after, Shen Yuan frantically searched for excuses to work overtime so he DIDN’T have to go home to this cockroach who laid on his pillow like a diligent wife lying seductively for her husband.
(Strangely, when he came home late and exhausted from those hours of voluntary unpaid overtime, he found his home cleaner than it was that morning. But… But that was just his imagination, right? Yeah, he washed the spoon he used earlier and just didn’t remember it. Yeah, there totally wasn’t some weird ghost washing his dishes, and mopping his floors, and cleaning the dust from his crusty keyboard, and…)
Standing on top of the computer monitor, the cockroach was staring at him as if looking for praise.
(The thing Shen Yuan was currently thinking… It… That… That definitely can’t be true…)
(The cockroach definitely wasn't cleaning his home like a cute little maid...)
"..."
Plop.
One day, Shen Yuan finished unloading quite a significant brown log into his porcelain throne. But when he reached behind to flush, and before he pressed the flush button, he realized the toilet had already flushed on its own!
How weird... Is the toilet broken? Do I need to call the plumber again? Ugh... I hope the plumbing hasn't gone bad.
No. It wasn’t the plumbing.
The cockroach had pressed the flush button for him.
And it had watched him poop.
And it was now flying towards his—
—-----------
Living with a FAT cockroach maid who also stalked him around the house (and on the toilet) was barely manageable. Shen Yuan didn't need any extra help, nor was he forced to take any extreme measures against the roach. But then, three days later, the final straw broke.
The fragrance of sizzling shrimp and freshly steamed rice engulfed the apartment in a magnificent aura. And this smell carried a taste so wonderful it rivaled the Michelin-star restaurants that Jiu-ge sometimes dragged him to.
Perhaps it was how that immeasurably good smell overwhelmed his mind with gluttony, or maybe it was because he was very late to work that morning— but Shen Yuan was somehow distracted from the threatening reality that a stranger was cooking in the kitchen.
But...
Actually, it wasn’t a stranger.
“...”
A cockroach was in the kitchen, surrounded by an open bag of rice (where did it come from? I never have ingredients at home) and a knife and a plastic bag of fresh shrimp and… and... and the cockroach was there. The cockroach was standing atop a glass tupperware filled to the brim with shrimp fried rice.
“...”
What do you do when a FAT cockroach cooks lunch for you to take to work? If he asked that on some public form, he was sure the comments would be saying: Cockroach? Fat? Are you talking about your ex-wife or something? Don’t call your ex-wife such a horrible nickname!
“...”
The cockroach stared at him expectantly.
“..”
“..”
“..”
Shen Yuan left before the cockroach could try to kiss him again.
—-------
“Cucumber-bro, that smells good! Did your evil brother finally hire a chef for you? What's wrong with it? Why aren’t you eating?”
“...”
How on earth was Shen Yuan supposed to respond to that question?
If he was the same Shen Yuan from a week ago, he would’ve shouted at his coworker— or he’d triumphantly brag about how his lunch was superior to this trash author’s weak and limp sandwich.
But this wasn’t the same Shen Yuan from last week. No, this Shen Yuan was defeated by the winds of fate that had blown from hell itself— bringing with it horrors and evils no man had experienced before. And right now, this Shen Yuan realized he couldn’t battle these demons alone.
He couldn't fight this on his own.
“A cockroach…”
Shang Qinghua paused mid-chew, crumbs from his sandwich hung from the corner of his lips. “A cockroach?”
Shen Yuan spoke as if he was stuck forever whirling in an unending heatstroke. Although his heart felt hot with horror, his face was white with fear. “There’s a cockroach in my apartment… It was cooking for me this morning… Cockroach fried rice…”
“...”
Shang Qinghua scrutinized his friend’s horrified expression, then at the tupperware, then at his friend, then again and again at the shrimp fried rice—
“...”
“So, you’re telling me a cockroach fried this rice?”
—-----------
He was mid-way through boxing training when he first saw Shen Yuan, shining beautifully, his face red, glimmering like the bright northern star against the pitch darkness of a countryside’s night sky.
And despite how loudly he argued with that despicable Shen Jiu about learning some martial art, Liu Qingge knew from that moment onwards— he knew it so clearly upon seeing this wonderful person with his own two eyes— he understood that I HAVE HEART DISEASE!?!?
LIU QINGGE'S HEART WAS BEATING TOO FAST WAS HE GOING TO DIE AND—
Nah.
Liu Qingge realized later he wasn’t experiencing acute heart failure (not yet, at least), nor was it some unknown and deadly illness. After exhaustive nights of research, he found himself lying on his university accommodation floor listening to some girly love song and—
Oh.
Liu Qingge stared directly into the ceiling lamp in an attempt to blind himself.
I’m in love, aren’t I?
This realization had shaken him to his very core. He spent the next month trying to will away this stupid infatuation for Shen Jiu’s younger brother to the point he seriously considered entering monkhood as a way to escape such filthy emotions.
(“Gege,” when his little sister visited his university for a weekend, she took one look at Liu Qingge’s red eyes and dark eyebags, and quickly sat him down for a serious discussion. “It’s fine to like someone like that. It’s not some weakness nor is it something filthy. If you seriously like him, then there’s no way of easily brushing away these feelings. And if you can’t get rid of this crush, you might as well make the most out of it, right?”)
(“Then… How do I make the most out of this… crush?” Liu Qingge truly felt lost. Throughout his whole life, he only cared about boxing. This passion got to the point where he willingly sacrificed his studies and entire social life to box more. In fact, he’d only been accepted to such a prestigious university because of a sports scholarship— and because his sister insisted he experience normal life at least once.)
(“Maybe you could confess to this Shen Yuan person? It’ll be hard, but confessing your feelings is the only way to settle a crush. AND IF YOU DO— TELL ME ABOUT IT. I WANT TO KNOW. I WANT TO KNOW TELL ME EVERYTHING—”)
Something about Liu Mingyan’s tone that day scared Liu Qingge from actually confessing his feelings.
But apart from his sister’s odd mood… He thought that her advice was quite sound. And so, he spent the next couple of years acting on his feelings and never inhibiting his emotions. He hung around Shen Yuan and became friends with him no matter how many briefcases of money Shen Jiu paid him to “GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER YOU GYM FREEAAAAAAAAAK.”
Now, it had been years since they first met and Liu Qingge was eager to take things further with Shen Yuan! He'll woo that man no matter what! So when he saw a pale and sleepless Shen Yuan waiting for him outside his boxing gym, he quickly realized that the perfect wooing opportunity was about to present itself.
“Please…” Shen Yuan looked like he was about to cry. (He was also holding a box of fried rice, for some reason.) “There’s something horrible in my home! You need to help me get rid of it! You’re the strongest person I know. So, please! PLEASE HELP ME.”
Ding! Ding! Ding!
The sound of marriage bells rang incessantly in Liu Qingge’s head.
This was amazing!!! Of course, he would NEVER want anything to hurt Shen Yuan… but life was life, and there would always be problems. The amazing part about this issue was that Liu Qingge was made to solve it! He knew he was a brute— an idiot without social skills or marketable qualities. But, this “horrible thing in my home” was something Shen Yuan believed a brute like him could deal with!
Yes! He will become a knight for his princess! He will save his beloved from the horror that plagues his home!
“...”
“...”
“...”
Why did Shen Yuan ask him to bring his expensive boxing gloves to kill a FAT cockroach—
“DON’T KILL IT!!!!”
Shen Yuan was hiding behind him— shivering, clinging to his tracksuit jacket like a fearful foal hiding behind its mother.
The FAT cockroach was staring at the pair. And Liu Qingge could almost believe that the roach looked jealous.
“...” Liu Qingge didn’t know what to do. If there was a pest, the only correct option was to kill it, right? “Then, what do you want me to do?”
“J-Just use a cup and… and— and throw it outside FAR FAR AWAY… I can’t catch it because it’s too quick…”
Huh. Liu Qingge felt uneasy. Shen Yuan had always talked about minor issues as if they were world-ending nuclear bombs, so Liu Qingge assumed he was being dragged here for some small issue. But... But Shen Yuan was really too scared… And Liu Qingge thought he liked bugs? He was sure he didn’t misremember such an important fact about—
The cockroach started flying.
“...”
“...”
“...”
That night, a pair of police detectives knocked on Shen Yuan’s door with a report that: “Earlier today, many neighbors heard a small girl screaming earlier. They all individually made police reports, worried that the girl was being harmed. Do you know anything about it?”
Ah… Mr Police Officer… About that scream earlier… Someone really was in trouble but…
Shen Yuan wanted to cry.
Liu Qingge isn’t a small girl…
—-----------
News that the famous boxer Liu Qingge was defeated by one singular cockroach quickly spread throughout Shen Yuan’s social circle. Even Shang Qinghua was asking him “does Liu Qingge really scream like a little toddler?”
Shen Yuan wanted to sigh and say: Yes. In fact, he has a better scream than most of the kids in this daycare. But he kept his mouth shut in hopes of preserving what little sanity Liu Qingge had left after the roach encounter...
Ah, who knew a cockroach could induce such emotions from a world-class professional boxer? This was a question many of Shen Yuan’s close contacts pondered about. And, unfortunately, this list of ponderers included his older brother who used the spare key to break into the apartment on Saturday morning and—
“I’m NOT breaking in!” Shen Jiu looked furious. As Shen Jiu stormed in, Yue Qingyuan appeared apologetically behind him. “A-Yuan, I’m staging an intervention!!!”
An intervention???
“A-YUAN! How could you POSSIBLY let MY apartment get to such a state that there’s COCKROACHES?!?!? Just because I let you live here, it doesn’t mean you can live like a PIG. AND— AND WHY DID YOU LET THAT BRUTE LIU QINGGE ENTER MY APARTMENT???”
“STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!! I HAVE A GOOD REASON! AND WHY DO YOU HATE QINGGE SO MUCH HE’S JUST—”
"Cough… Cough… Cough…"
Yue Qingyuan staged a couple of coughs— and the mere implication that his husband was sick was enough to make Shen Jiu rush to play nurse, forgetting Liu Qingge in the process. And after making sure the larger man was alright (and after giving him a little forehead kiss), Shen Jiu finally turned back to his useless younger brother.
Shen Jiu sighed. “If you're unwilling to clean, then just tell me. I don’t care if you’re lazy. I care that you live in a clean space." Then his Jiu-ge buried his face into the palm of his hands, seemingly on the verge of hateful tears. "A-Yuan... How could I have let you live with roaches…”
Ah... No matter how much they fought, Shen Yuan really couldn’t disobey his Gege.
They had both lost their parents at a very early age. And without any relatives, he and his Gege were apparently shunted from foster family to foster family— forced to live in homes and orphanages that lacked the funding or the willingness to care for the children under their roof.
At that point in time, they were nothing more than two little boys, forgotten by everyone. In a world where their lives were like candlelight trying to survive in a typhoon, they only had each other.
Shen Yuan was too young to remember any of this. However, Shen Jiu was too old to forget it. And although his Gege never brought up this period of their life (not even during the most intense of arguments), Shen Yuan knew how much those memories weighed on him.
Of course Shen Jiu ran here as fast as possible upon hearing there were roaches in his little brother’s home. The boy he so lovingly raised from trash... How could he let his A-Yuan live like back then?
But…
...
BUT YOU’VE GOT IT WRONG, JIU-GE!!!
“Qi-ge, find the vacuum cleaner and start vacuuming the mess! I’ll go find the mop and…”
Twinkle twinkle twinkle.
The floors were twinkling with fresh cleanliness.
“...”
“A-Yuan," Shen Jiu wondered if his brother's soul had been secretly swapped with someone else's. "Why is your apartment cleaner than before?”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“The… The cockroach cleaned it… Probably...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
Yue Qingyuan was smiling brighter than before. “Xiao-Jiu, maybe we should hear out A-Yuan before jumping to conclusions?”
YEAH! Why do you always think I'm super dirty and unhygienic!!! Don't jump to conclusions!
But Shen Jiu didn't shrink, instead, his rage grew larger. “Didn’t YOU agree with me when I speculated about the mess A-Yuan’s apartment was in? Didn’t YOU agree that A-Yuan was definitely too lazy to regularly clean his apartment to the point he’d get roaches!?”
Yue Qingyuan was smiling, but a sweatdrop was now dripping down his neck.
Meanwhile, Shen Yuan stared in horror at this brother-snatcher and thought: YUE QINGYUAN!!! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS??? IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN I’LL TELL GEGE ABOUT THAT SUPER EMBARRASSING THING YOU DID BACK THEN WHEN YOU—
Yue Qingyuan was gazing at him, eyes twinkling, searching for any morsel of pity that existed within Shen Yuan's unflinching soul.
"..."
Ah, whatever. There was a more pressing matter to discuss: the FATTY currently serving as his roommate!
“So…” After explaining the situation, Shen Yuan felt a little ashamed. He really did let such a little thing blow out of proportion, did he… Now even his busy Gege has been dragged into this mess… “That’s the situation, Jiu-ge…”
Shen Jiu didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “A-Yuan, even a cockroach is more responsible than you are…”
“...” Shen Yuan didn’t need to say anything. No matter how much he wanted to fight back right now, he knew that his Gege was espousing nothing but the truth.
“A-Yuan.” The brother-snatcher spoke in a calming voice. Knowing how much Shen Yuan secretly couldn't stomach the man his older brother married, Yue Qingyuan didn’t place a gentle hand on his shoulder. But, he always did speak kindly and gently to him— a substitution for any real relationship. “Do you want us to help get rid of the roach? If you don't want us to kill it, we can figure out another plan together or—”
“No. We're not figuring out a plan together with you, A-Yuan. Shut up. I don’t care.” Shen Jiu sewed his husband’s mouth up with a single look. “A-Yuan, you’ve already spent quite a while trying to get rid of this roach without killing it. And seeing how the issue hasn’t been resolved yet, I think we’re done trying to do this your way. Qi-ge, why don’t you grab a slipper and kill the roach— No. Actually, I’ll just do it myself.”
His Gege stood up.
He stared deep into the eyes of the boy he raised for almost two decades— burning green— scorching a familiar feeling into A-Yuan with a face looking half-murderous. “A-Yuan, where is the filthy beast that dares linger in your home? ”
A-Yuan felt himself shrink under his Gege’s gaze. It was an inhuman eye forged only through years of existence as human trash. It was forged by the knowledge of what happens when no help will come— that the only advice people can give to you is to die.
His Gege’s eyes burned.
They burned. They scorched him.
It was a gaze that smelt like trash boiling in the heatwave, and sounded like the darting feet of rats as big as cats that surrounded him, that bit him.
Gege was burning in that heatwave of the past, in the rodents whose teeth were still imprinted on A-Yuan's feet, chaining him forever to that time when memory couldn't.
This was not his annoying Jiu-ge who he could kick and scream at for dragging him to exhausting self-defense lessons. No, this was the Gege from years ago— the Gege who dug through the trash to find food for A-Yuan; the Gege who once grasped a large shard of glass, dripping with blood, holding it like a dagger. There, held in Gege's other hand, was a rich man’s leather wallet.
(“A-Yuan, one day we’ll have enough to buy a clean home, okay? That day, there will be no more bugs in your sleep. No more maggots in the bread.”)
(Gege had smiled back then. Gege had tried to wipe the blood from his hands. But even if Shen Yuan couldn't remember much from before, he’d never forget how dried blood clung to human skin despite multiple washes. And even if Shen Yuan had no memories from that time, during nightmares, he could still feel that leather wallet, clearly too expensive for someone like Gege to buy. He couldn't forget reading the ID inside of it, an ID with a too-familiar name:)
(Qiu Jianluo.)
(“A-Yuan. Don’t look so sad. I promise filth like that won’t ever touch us again.”)
(They buried that glass shard together.)
(And they never looked back.)
"..."
As if sensing Shen Yuan’s melancholy, a FAT FATTY FAT cockroach peered its head around the corner. It hid in Shen Yuan’s bedroom while these scary guests were being entertained in the living room. But upon seeing the downcast of Shen Yuan's eyes and the frown tugging at those lips, the roach gained an immense sense of bravery. It snuck out to comfort its beloved human.
When it fell into the sight of Shen Jiu's murderous gaze, the roach hesitated with a shiver of fear.
However, Shen Jiu didn’t need more than a second to deal with it.
In the blink of an eye, Shen Jiu had raced across the apartment. And without gloves, he snatched the cockroach from the floor and held it so tightly the thing began to squirm with pain.
“Roaches in the bedroom…” Shen Jiu was crushing the cockroach in the palm of his hand. Flakes of its wings began to scatter across the floor.
How could Shen Jiu be scared of a roach when, in the past, his bare skin had been touched by things much much worse?
(The apartment felt too warm. It felt like a heatwave was incinerating the trash outside.)
“How disgusting." Shen Jiu despised filth. He'd rather die than be touched like that again. He'd rather die. He'd rather... Thinking about that filthy time again...
(...)
(...)
(...)
Shen Jiu would rather die.
"It’s better to just get rid of horrible dirty things like—”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!”
Shen Yuan’s scream shook his Gege, and Yue Qingyuan’s hand on Shen Jiu's shoulder made him drop the cockroach.
“What the hell is wrong with the two of you—”
“Xiao-Jiu,” Yue Qingyuan squeezed his hand more, grounding Shen Jiu in place, letting the cockroach run free from its executor.
“Gege…” UGHHHH. Shen Yuan didn’t know what he was doing!!! Ugh, he certainly wanted that cockroach GONE. But to get rid of it in such a way… to remind his Gege of a time that was so painful… No. A little bit of filth was fine if it meant avoiding that!
In any case, this was a problem he should deal with himself. He shouldn't need Gege's help.
(And…)
Shen Yuan stared at the cockroach who was now hiding under his bed. Pieces of its wings were still lingering on the bedroom floor.
(Honestly, this bug nerd felt SUPER bad for the cockroach who had spent so much effort cleaning his apartment and making him strangely good food.)
(He was willing to let it escape his brother’s wrath.)
Unconsciously, Shen Yuan smiled to comfort the pitiful roach.
And the cockroach was staring at Shen Yuan as if a cockroach had fallen into a river of love in love-city.
(...)
(...)
(...)
Shen Yuan would rather die.
YOU’RE ONLY SAFE FOR NOW, YOU FAT ROACH!!!!
—------------
Since the BIG BACK roach couldn’t fly anymore, it resorted to crawling pitifully on the ground— unable to leap up and try to smooch Shen Yuan anymore.
And somehow…
Somehow…
WHY AM I MOVED BY SOME STUPID COCKROACH???
No.
That wasn’t the correct question.
WHY AM I COOKING FOOD FOR A ROACH???
Right now he was steaming some plain rice for the roach to eat. Shen Yuan made sure to boil it on the highest heat to personally reflect his own rage. Meanwhile, the cockroach in question was on the kitchen counter, patiently waiting to be fed like a cute little OBESE puppy!
Ugh… Horrible! Horrible! Horrible! Horrible things must be repeated three times!!! Has he turned a THICK cockroach into a pet??? Who knew that the first pet he’d ever have would be a COCKROACH!!!
This was horrific. But even more horrific was the reaction from his close social circle:
“CUCUMBER-BRO!!!” Shang Qinghua couldn’t get enough of it. After years of personal misfortune, Shang Qinghua was ecstatic at the sight of Shen Yuan finally suffering alongside him! He even asked about this in front of the daycare kids… “Is it true that the cockroach managed to defeat both the super world-famous boxer Liu Qingge AND your super evil and super spoiled older brother???”
Damn. Airplane really couldn’t shut up about it!!! So annoying!!! He kept on spreading rumors about this to almost every single person they mutually knew. And in pity, everyone was sending him BOXES full of cockroach spray!
(When the FATTY cockroach saw the mountain of various superpowered cockroach spray killers, it shuddered so pitifully that Shen Yuan felt his heart surge with sorrow. So, he hid the nuclear bomb worth of cockroach killer in a kitchen cupboard (the one above the stove) so the FAT roach didn’t have to see it. Whenever the roach misbehaved, Shen Yuan’s mere gaze towards that cupboard was enough to shake the bug into obedience.)
(Truly. Mutually assured destruction.)
But that hack author didn't even act the worst. No, he was far from being the worst reaction to this horrific situation.
Liu Qingge’s little sister had always been… odd. Apparently, she and Shang Qinghua often collaborated on webnovels together? Shen Yuan wasn’t too sure about it, and he wasn’t particularly interested in knowing what exactly that collaboration was. He only knew about this from Liu Qingge who looked white in the face at even the memory of what his sister and Shang Qinghua had written together.
Nope! Shen Yuan wasn’t interested!
However, life had never gone smoothly for him.
When gossip about Shen Yuan’s current situation reached her ears, she had apparently jolted up in her seat. She had been so excited by it that she immediately rushed to her laptop and began writing pages upon pages of…
Of…
“...”
WHO SPREAD THE RUMOUR THAT I’M DATING A COCKROACH???
But more importantly:
IT’S NOT A GAY RELATIONSHIP!!!
(“Don’t worry, Shen Yuan.” When he angrily called her on his phone, she had merely laughed at his concerns. “Everyone thinks ‘cockroach’ is a codeword for an ex-wife or something. Also, everyone knows it’s just a joke. Nobody REALLY believes you’re clapping cheeks with a—”)
(“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!!” Shen Yuan wanted to smack her smug face through the phone. “EVERYONE THINKS I’M GAY BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID STORY!!!”)
(“...” Liu Mingyan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I never gave the cockroach a gender. I used ‘it’ whenever I wrote about it.”)
(“No! That’s definitely not true! Or else why does everyone think I’m dating a cockroach AND that I'm gay???”)
(“...”)
(Liu Mingyan laughed directly into the phone microphone, intentionally, and Shen Yuan quit the call before she could mock him even more.)
(Horrible! Horrible! Horrible! Shen Yuan was shaking with rage even thinking about it! UGH!!! Even Jiu-ge called him to say: “WHY ARE YOU DATING A COCKROACH??? Didn’t I raise you better than this??? If you’re gonna find a man, don’t get some ex-wife or—”)
(“I’M NOT FINDING A MAN—”)
…
…
Huh.
Did the kitchen always smell like smoke?
BOOM!
In his rage, Shen Yuan had completely forgotten about the pot of rice he was cooking at very very high temperatures. Perhaps it was because the kitchen had rarely been used, or maybe it was just Shen Yuan’s own bad luck— but the stove had suddenly surged with heat and practically exploded into a ball of fire, scorching the surroundings.
Luckily, the explosion didn’t touch Shen Yuan, but it did touch the nuclear bomb of cockroach spray that was in the—
BOOM!
Shen Yuan instinctually reached to save the cockroach. But when he couldn’t find it no matter how hard he tried, he was forced to run out of the kitchen and run for his life lest he breathe in a nuclear wastefield worth of cockroach killer.
Truly! This was World War Three for this area’s insect population!!!
Unluckily for the outdoor bugs, the ventilation in his kitchen was better than in some scientific research labs that let their poor interns sniff corrosive chemicals twelve hours a day. With some difficulty, it managed to suck away the cloud of miasma outside, wreaking devastation on the population of insects in the nearby vicinity, but saving Shen Yuan's life.
And once the kitchen cleared up, Shen Yuan ran and sprinted and ran and ran to find the corpse of the cockroach—
“...”
“A-Yuan?”
No.
No???
All the chemicals in the various insecticides had mixed in that mushroom cloud of cockroach spray. And somehow, the product of that very scientific reaction was this:
The FAT cockroach had…
It had…
“A-Yuan! Don’t you recognize me?”
…
There was a naked man in his kitchen.
And Shen Yuan knew— oh, he KNEW— he knew this was the same FAT cockroach who haunted him for a month now. Somehow, the FAT roach had transformed into a rather handsome and NOT FAT human being with the prettiest face Shen Yuan had ever seen!
However, something lower down on this roach-human remained FAT.
And as the ex-cockroach leaped and flew into Shen Yuan’s face as it always did:
He saw that FAT roach-shaped heavenly pillar spin round and round like a helicopter— flinging around and around and around.
And at that moment, Shen Yuan understood that this world contained more frightening things than cockroaches.
—----------
CRASH!
The sound of a door lock shattering rang throughout the dark apartment.
Someone was breaking into Shen Yuan’s home.
The burglar was holding a large shard of broken glass— a makeshift dagger, blazing within the glow of the flashlight.
“Hurry.” One of the masked men whispered at his fellow burglar. “The silent alarm has already been triggered. Just grab everything you can. We need to be quick before security arrives.”
“I know, I know. Stop talking and just—”
“What’s that???”
The masked man aimed the flashlight at the ground.
There was a cockroach.
There was a cockroach waiting politely, like a gentleman, right in the entranceway.
It was FAT.
The cockroach’s wings began to lift, letting the flashlight shine yellow rays onto a body that was ten centimeters in length. That’s MASSIVE!!! I've never seen a ten-centimeter long cockroach before! What kind of trash hole house is this??? Is this apartment abandoned or something??? Wait. Its wings are shaking, and also its legs, and its antennae are— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”
CRASH!
Echoing throughout the apartment was the sound of a door being run through and falling off its hinge.
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Binghe, are they gone yet?”
In the blink of an eye, the FAT cockroach in his living room became a naked man with an equally FAT thing spinning and—
Shen Yuan averted his eyes. After all, he wasn’t gay.
“A-Yuan!!!” Luo Binghe jumped up and down like an excited puppy. And Shen Yuan could hear that FAT thing down there jump up and down too. “Didn’t I do a good job scaring them? Aren’t I better than a guard dog!?”
“Yes, yes, yes. Binghe, there’s no need to worry about the guard dog anymore. I’d never let Gege give me a guard dog if you weren’t happy with it…” Honestly, the real reason why he declined an offer of a guard dog was that he worried the dog may accidentally eat Luo Binghe in roach form…
(Honestly, that was probably the reason why Shen Jiu had been insistently offering him a cat or dog or insecticide smoke bomb recently…)
“A-Yuan!” Luo Binghe’s brown roach-colored eyes were shimmering with hope. “Because I was so good… can I have a reward please!!!”
“...”
“I want to sleep with you in my cockroach form tonight!”
“...”
Shen Yuan wanted to cry.
“A-Yuan! Why do you despise my roach form? Since the door has been knocked down, you need more protection! And my roach form is more intimidating and better at guarding you… A-Yuan! Why do you look like that!? I just want to keep you safe!!!”
“...”
(Ah, Gege would shiver at the thought of something filthy like a cockroach protecting me…)
(But…)
Shen Yuan sighed and headed back to their bedroom, ignoring the FAT cockroach flying after him from behind. “Fine. Just don’t sleep on my face. I might accidentally eat you in my sleep.”
Horrifyingly, he heard the FAT roach shiver with delight upon hearing those threatening words.
(Gege despises anything resembling the filth we used to live in.)
(But, whatever. It’ll be okay. Binghe’s not going away, so...)
(He’ll learn to live with it.)
(...)
(...)
(...)
(Eventually.)