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The problem with being professional monster hunters was that it wasn’t really a job that paid well.
In fact, it didn’t pay at all. If it weren’t for Shouto’s eagerness to drain every single yen out of his father’s black credit card, they would have been forced to disband and join the workforce a long time ago.
But, for now, they were doing alright: just the five of them. And a dog who might have as well been talking considering the amount of buttons with recorded words Mei had stuck around the van.
“Are you sure it’s here?” Ochako asked, leaning closer towards the window. “Usually, the areas we fight in are more… How do I say it, gloomy? This… Doesn’t really look like a place a monster would pick to live in…”
Izuku glanced up from where he was sat in the back, petting Small Might. He had to admit Ochako was right; The neighbourhood they were passing through looked very cherry, filled with sunlight. But…
“This is where the trail leads,” he said. “Unexplained murders, victims with holes in their necks, all signs of vampire activity. I guess it’s just… A non-emo vampire?”
Shouto snorted at that where he sat in the middle of the front row, still slurping the milkshake they got at the last petrol station. Kacchan sent him a glarey side-eye from the driver’s seat — he wasn’t a fan of people eating or drinking where it could get on the upholstery — but they were working together for so long, they were all immune to that.
All bark no bite, Small Might helpfully offered, stepping on the button Shouto programmed.
“Thank you, Small Might,” Shouto turned to solemnly nod at the dog.
“Less yapping, more working,” Kacchan grumbled, pulling to a stop in front of one of the residential buildings. It looked no different from all the others, except for the fact that their GPS chimed in with “you’ve arrived at your destination!” once they reached it.
They filed out of the van, stretching as they paused on the sidewalk. Mei stayed in the van, keeping an eye on the sensors and the data coming in from their bodycams.
They all had their roles, polished over years of practice. Mei was the tech support, keeping an eye on what they might miss in the heat of action and creating all of their equipment.
Kacchan was the designated driver and shared the position of their main firepower with Ochako, who also brought in the van with her. They both wore brass knuckles, but where Kacchan used firecrackers, Ochako favored a baseball bat.
Shouto was in it for the laughs, and also to more effectively waste the money his father kept giving him. He was also the strongest believer in the paranormal; Where even the most liberal people would start having doubts, he pushed forward with full steam.
Now, did that mean he believed the world was ruled by an underground council of lizardmen? Well, yes. But everyone had their flaws.
He mostly armed himself with a milkshake or a slushie, preferring non-violence, but when push came to shove, he could hold his own in a fight. And you could never underestimate the impact that dumping ice-cold drink down someone’s collar could have on your opponent.
Izuku’s role in the group was mostly research: he figured out where monsters could be hiding, what they were, how to defeat them. He came up with the more complicated plans when they needed something beyond “get in there and beat them up”.
Together, they worked tirelessly to purge the world of monsters (who turned out to be mostly land developers) and help innocent people (who, actually, turned out to be mainly mythical creatures struggling to survive).
So, yeah, perhaps calling themselves monster hunters was a bit of a misnomer, but it got the point across better than trying to explain it every time.
They make their way up the stairs to the front entrance, Small Might trailing behind them, and Ochako uses the brass knuckles to knock.
There’s silence inside the building. But after so long of dealing with this kind of business, they all had the ear to differentiate between a “nothing’s inside” kind of silence and a “there’s definitely something going on” silence.
And this was, without a doubt, the second one.
“Let me,” Shouto handed his cup to Kacchan, cracking his knuckles. He stepped towards the doors, clearing his throat. “PIZZA DELIVERY!”
The silence took on a bit of a suspicious tint. There was the sound of many, many locks unlocking before the doors were opened sharply, resting against a singular chain.
A black and white mask greeted them.
“...Where’s the pizza?” They asked. Then, immediately answered themselves- “There’s no pizza, stupid!”
“It’s magical pizza,” Shouto offered in a perfect deadpan. Despite of how many times Izuku watched him pull this routine, it never failed to amaze him. “It’ll appear when you let us in.”
“Oh, okay!” The masked person closed the doors to unlock the chain, pulling it open just as they changed their mind. “They’re lying!”
But it was too late. Kacchan had already pushed the doors fully open, the rest of the team filling in as the masked person just stood there, staring.
Usually, the monsters — or land developers in costume, as it might be — were a bit more aggressive at this stage. Their group wasn’t one to start the fights. And so, awkwardly they stood, waiting for something to happen.
And what happened was another voice piping in from the bowels of the house.
“The hell’s taking you so long, Twice?!”
The masked figure — Twice, evidently — flinched, wringing their hands together. They had just managed to take a step back when Shouto spoke, back straighter than Izuku had ever seen from him before.
“Wait,” he said. “I know that voice. That’s Touya,”
Twice froze, then tilted their head. “No, it’s not,” they said. Then added: “What a dumb name! Hah!”
“That is definitely Touya,” Shouto insisted. “About yay tall, stupid amount of piercings, dresses like a discount goth, super annoying-”
“That sounds about right!” Another voice — a blonde girl with hair in two buns, head popped from the nearest doorway — joined the conversation. “But his name’s Dabi!”
Shouto slaps his forehead. “Of course,” he says. “That was his username on the internet.”
Izuku was quite confused. Judging by the expressions on Kacchan’s and Ochako’s faces, so were they. He elected to count Twice amongst their number, too.
The girl bounced closer, moving to grab Shouto’s arm in a tight grip. “I like you!” She announced. “You’re fun! Call me Himiko!”
“Okay.”
Alright, so this wasn’t exactly how this normally went for them. But when even Small Might didn’t growl at the girl, instead going over to sniff at her curiously, Izuku couldn’t help but wonder if he had actually gotten the wrong house.
But then the girl grinned a bit too wide, chattering to Shouto about something or other, the sharp canines flashing in the light pouring in from the still open front doors, and he knew that he wasn’t wrong: she was a vampire.
Just a very friendly one.
“What’s taking you assholes so long-” The voice from before spoke again, from much closer, entering the hall.
Honestly, as much as Shouto believed it, Izuku didn’t see the family resemblance.
Shouto in question tilted his head, staring at the newcomer. “What happened to you?” He asked. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you got uglier.”
The newcomer — Dabi, the others said before — grimaced.
“Shouto,” he deadpanned. “Pleasant as always.”
***
Izuku wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but they all ended up in a messy living room, the window curtains pulled shut. Toga wasn’t the only vampire in the house — there was also a guy who looked like he hadn’t drank anything in centuries, ignoring them all in favour of video games — and other than Twice (unspecified) who was playing with Small Might, and Dabi (fully human disaster) they also had a humanoid lizard.
His name was Spinner and Izuku pitied him for having to field Shouto’s investigation into the “true” rulers of the world.
“So, like,” Ochako patted her fingers over the cup she was holding, though she wasn’t drinking. Honestly, Izuku had no intention of drinking the tea-like sludge he was given, either. “Is there… Anything we can do to convince you not to kill people?”
The attention of the inhabitants was instantly on her.
“Money,” they all chorused, even the vampire who was still glued to the screen.
“Oh, that’s easy,” Shouto shrugged. And then walked over to slug Dabi on the shoulder.
“What’s that for??”
Shouto produced the familiar black credit card. “You could have been using this the whole time,” he said. “You think father’s keeping track? Half of Natsuo’s uni class has one.”
Dabi accepted the card, shoulders hunched up. “Guess we can order real pizza, now,” he said, to much cheering.
Another successful mission was over!
