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“Hey!” Walker almost spilled his coffee mug as he hurried to reach the kitchen island in time.
But he was too slow. Before he could stop him, Little Bob had nudged his cereal bowl over the edge of the table. The ceramic shattered on the tiles and Little Bob quickly ran to hide in Yelena’s chest pocket as she snorted, Bob laughing nervously next to her.
“I swear to God,” Walker cursed. “Could you for once keep a better eye on him? Or like, train him or something? He’s worse than a cat I swear.” He knelt down and started picking up the pieces while Yelena secretly fed Lil Bob a piece of carrot. “I can’t deal with this today, I gotta be at the car dealership at nine.”
“I didn’t know you could drive,” Yelena snickered.
“What’s going on?” James asked, entering the kitchen as he cracked his neck, holding back a yawn.
“Little Bob is a menace to society,” Walker grunted, throwing the broken pieces into the trash can and smacking the lid shut. “That’s what’s going on.”
“Oooh don’t be so mean,” Yelena pouted. “Little Bob just wants to play, that's all.”
James sat down at the table. He’d only moved to tower a few days ago, but in that time, he'd already seen quite a lot of Little Bob. He hadn't expected to enjoy the little animal’s company as much as he had.
Even more surprising was the fact that Little Bob seemed to like him a lot too.
As if on cue, he scurried from Yelena’s jacket and dashed across the table, steering clear of Walker’s reach. James opened his vibranium fist in time for Little Bob to scramble up into his palm and settle there, like it was a warm bed made just for him.
By far, this wasn't the first time Little Bob had come to him.
James remembered that evening all too well, when they had all sat around the big TV to watch a movie.
Alexei and Yelena had been screaming at the screen, Bob was asleep on the couch, Walker was on his phone, and Ava was trying to pay attention to the plot twists. James was leaning back on his armchair when Little Bob climbed up on him and curled up on his chest, dozing off there with his fast breathing. Before James knew what he was doing, he’d found himself petting the little thing.
Little Bob had never looked happier.
And he never ceased to be fun for him and Yelena, though Walker wasn’t too fond of him. While Little Bob seemed to have favorites, he also seemed to have a feud with Walker, always stealing his stuff or pushing his things off tables.
Yelena thought it was hilarious.
So did James.
Little Bob’s company and affection was more than welcome, even therapeutic. Though perhaps sometimes Little Bob went a bit too far.
***
It was another one of those nightmares. James woke with a gasp, panting from the horrifying fear that something was amiss. That he was in danger. That he was the danger.
Then he blinked and looked down at his chest, and found two big black eyes staring right back at him.
“FUCK!” He scrambled up, Little Bob jumping to the ground in fear before scuttling under his bed.
James tried to calm his breathing. It had just been the guinea pig. Everything was okay.
Everything is okay.
“Little Bob?” James knelt by the bed and bent down, trying to find him in the dim light. Little Bob was hiding in the corner. “I’m sorry…” James took a deep breath and held out his hand. “You just scared me, is all. Come on.”
Ever so slowly, Little Bob inched towards him. He hesitated before he clambered onto his palm.
James pulled him closer and ran his fingers gently through Little Bob’s fur. “What were you doing in my room, hm?”
Little Bob gazed up with him with those big eyes, purring.
“Were you having nightmares too?”
The little thing was a curiosity, to be sure. Even more so after Yelena told James where she’d found the guy.
***
James was sitting by the window next to the chess board, drinking coffee as he admired the morning view of the city, when he heard the familiar pitter-patter of Little Bob running up to him.
He looked down at the little thing. “You here to apologize about last night?” It looked up at him, as if it understood him. “I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to frighten you. You just scared the shit out of me.”
Little Bob came a little closer.
“You're from a lab, right?” James asked before sipping some of his coffee. “So am I.”
James looked back outside. When he heard scurrying, he turned around again. Little Bob had climbed onto the low table and onto the chess board, knocking over one of the pawns.
“Oh don’t do that,” James chided as he set the figurines back up. “You wanna play chess, that it?”
Little Bob looked at him. Then, slowly, it turned and started pushing one of the pawns two squares towards him.
James froze. “You can’t… Wait. Can you… Don't tell me you can play.”
Little Bob just looked at him.
Taking his time, James made his own move.
As though by some miracle, Little Bob moved, pushing another pawn forwards.
James held his breath. Then he played his turn while Little Bob waited. It hesitated, as though it was thinking, before it pushed another pawn.
“Well holy shit.”
James stared in awe as they played, Little Bob moving all of the figurines correctly. The bishops diagonally, the rooks straight ahead… James couldn’t believe his eyes, and yet he kept playing.
Until, eventually, he lost.
James lost.
To Little Bob.
To the fucking guinea pig.
His heart hammered in his chest as he looked up. “Yelena!”
***
James eyed Little Bob as he sat innocently on the kitchen table, like he hadn't just won a round of chess. “I think he’s trying to tell me something.”
“Oh don’t be absurd. It’s just a guinea pig.”
“Pass me the Ouija board you and Bob keep playing with.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
James gave her his signature glare.
“Fine.”
Yelena moved to the games area, searching around all the board games until she found it. She pulled it out and smacked it on the table. “This is so stupid, Bucky. I can’t believe we’re doing this.”
She unfolded the board with the letters.
“There, you happy? Look. Little Bob is confused too. He —”
Yelena paused as Little Bob scurried forwards, sniffing the board. It hesitated before running across the alphabet, right to the last letter. It paused and looked up at James.
Yelena waved her hand away. “Purely coincidental that he stopped on a letter.”
Little Bob turned around, analyzed the board, and scampered towards the beginning of the alphabet, settling on the “E” before looking back up a James.
That finally got Yelena's mouth open in shock. “Oh my fucking god.”
It ran to “M” next. And then it went to “O”. That was where it stayed, gazing up at James with those black eyes.
“Zemo?” James muttered under his breath, while Yelena continued cursing under her breath.
James immediately got out his phone.
Yelena leaned over the table, trying to look at his screen. “Who are you calling?”
“Who do you think?” James tapped his finger against the table as he waited. “Hello, I’d like to talk to an inmate. Zemo. Helmut Zemo.”
The man on the other side of the line hesitated. “Sir, Zemo is not longer an inmate here.”
James froze. “Wait. What? How?”
“I’m afraid that’s classified information, sir.”
He cursed under his breath as he hung up and then immediately dialed another number.
“What is it?” Yelena asked wearily.
James waved her away as he got put through. “Where’s Zemo?”
Yelena glared at him as she finally caught on.
“And hello to you too, white wolf,” came Shuri’s exasperated voice.
“Where is he and why isn’t he at the raft?”
There was another short pause on the other end of the line. “Zemo escaped the raft a few months ago. We should have told you. I'm sorry.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“The Dora Milaje are on it. They have it all under control. They traced him to Malaysia. They’re still on the search. This is a Wakandan investigation, so I cannot divulge everything.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, I knew you were close.”
James growled. “I understand. Thanks anyway.”
He sighed as he hung up.
“What now?” Yelena asked.
“The lab was Valentina’s, right?”
***
Valentina hurried back until she hit the wall, taser in her hand. “You can’t kill me!”
She was clearly over-reacting, but James couldn't blame her. He and Yelena had barged into her office fully dressed for battle.
“We won't kill you,” James started with a smirk. “But we can torture the information out of you.” James easily smacked the taser from her hand. “Tell us what is up with that hamster.”
Valentina frowned. “Hamster?”
“Guinea pig,” Yelena corrected, crossing her arms as Little Bob climbed up on her shoulder.
Valentina’s eyes went big with recognition. “I don’t know anything about —”
James shoved her back, metal hand on her throat. “You're a bad liar. Last warning.”
“Alright alright!”
James let her go and she massaged her skin, like he’d actually strangled her. James had barely grazed her.
“Zemo… he... escaped the raft. He found out about the serum and the lab in Malaysia. He came to destroy it. My men had no choice, they were acting in self defense.”
“You killed him?”
“No. But… there was an accident.”
“What do you mean?”
“He was infected by one of the serums. The lab is full of them. I don’t know what he was expecting.”
James froze. “A super soldier serum?” He felt himself tense up. He knew that would destroy Zemo.
But Valentina shook her head. “Not quite. It was… another experiment.”
“What kind of experiment?” Yelena asked.
“DNA transformation at the click of a button.”
“DNA transformation?” A sudden idea rushed through James’ mind but he immediately dismissed it. It couldn’t be, could it? He eyed Little Bob on Yelena’s shoulder, immediately meeting those eyes. He swore he saw a resemblance to Zemo in there, but… it couldn’t be, right? “What do you mean, DNA transformation?”
Valentina just stared at Little Bob. “Zemo was transformed.”
Shit.
Holy fucking shit.
James shoved her against the wall again, hand hard around her throat. “Are you telling me Little Bob is Zemo!?”
“Who the hell is Little Bob?” Valentina wheezed.
“The guinea pig!” Yelena groaned, totally done with this shit. “Are you telling me you transformed this Zemo guy into this guinea pig?”
“I didn’t! It happened in the lab, okay? It was an accident.”
James cursed under his breath. “Please tell me we can turn him back.”
“You need the red button for that.”
“What are you waiting for? Go get it.”
***
James and Yelena waited as Valentina sifted through the contents of the vault in her office.
The guinea pig was now settled in Bucky's palm.
“I don't want to believe Little Bob is a man,” Yelena huffed.
“If it’s really Zemo, don't worry. He’s not too bad.”
Valentina made a sound that almost sounded like a snort.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. Oh, I found it.” She pulled out a red button that almost looked like a detonator.
What could go wrong?
James held out his hand. “Give it to me. Right now.”
Just as Valentina passed it to him, Little Bob jumped off Bucky and onto the button, pressing it for him.
Then the guinea pig leapt to the ground. Before he hit it, he transformed into Zemo.
Yelena shrieked, pressing her hands to her mouth. “Holy fucking shit!” Then she held her hands over her eyes. “He’s naked!”
“The clothes no longer fit me when I got turned the first time,” the baron explained, slowly getting up on all fours.
James quickly pulled off his jacket and knelt in front of him, wrapping it around him. “You okay?”
Instead of answering, Zemo looked daggers at Valentina. James swore he was planning murder.
“Don’t look at me,” she muttered. “It’s not my fault. I didn’t tell them to do that.”
“Yeah,” James glanced up at her. “You would have had him killed.”
“Nonsense. I would have offered him the super soldier serum,” Valentina shot back.
“Yeah right.” James turned back to Zemo, cupping his cheek, making sure he looked alright. “You good? That experience must have been awful. Being an animal, unable to communicate...”
“In all fairness, it was alright.” He gave a little smirk. “And you figured it out.” Zemo turned to Yelena, who now had her back turned to him. “Yelena… I owe you my life.”
She gave him a thumbs up without turning around. “Don’t mention it.”
***
“What do we tell the others?” James asked, after they had finished their meal. Of course Zemo knew a nice restaurant around the corner and insisted they go to celebrate his return to humanity, though James suspected the man was simply starving.
Of course, Yelena had made a quick pit stop at a clothes shop before they’d left Val’s. James had to admit that Zemo looked good like this, in those comfy clothes, refreshed.
“I don’t know.” Yelena shrugged, licking her plate clean.
“I would prefer to keep this between us,” Zemo said quietly. James realized how much he’d missed that raspy voice.
“It is a pretty awkward situation,” Yelena mused, slurping her bubble tea through a straw. “You really pissed Walker off. He might kill you. Bob will be confused and Alexei is going to tell everyone about this.”
“You're right,” James muttered.
“So what happens now? What do we do about all of," she motioned, "this?”
Zemo glanced between them. “Could we have a moment?”
“Okay okay,” Yelena stood up. “I'll be out front.”
Once she was gone, Zemo turned back to James, eyeing the other customers. “In private?”
James sighed and led him out to the alley at the back of the restaurant, secluded from unwanted eyes or ears.
“James…” Zemo started as soon as the door behind them was shut. “I understand why you did what you did at the memorial, but I implore you… please do not send me back to the raft.”
James worried his bottom lip as he looked into those eyes. “I won’t.”
Zemo sighed with relief.
“But the Dora Milaje are still looking for you. If they find out I’ve been helping you…”
“Then don’t let them find me.”
“How?”
He clasped his hands together and shrugged. “I would be unrecognizable in their eyes.”
“Zemo… you’re not saying what I think you’re saying, right?”
“All I am saying is that my time as Little Bob wasn’t that bad.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“Life was easier,” Zemo said. “I could eavesdrop and sneak around. People enjoyed my company.”
“And you could jump-scare me in the middle of the night.”
Zemo gave a low chuckle.“I am glad you figured it out nonetheless.” He looked down at his hands. “I missed having a human body.”
“I bet you missed the sound of your own voice too.” James smirked.
He smiled back. “That too.”
James eyed him for a few moments. “You kept coming to me. I thought Little Bob liked me, but… that was just you, trying to tell me something was off… right?”
Zemo gazed up at him before looking away.
“Zemo.”
“I missed…” Zemo took a deep breath before looking back up at him. “I missed the comfort of human touch, especially after the loneliness of the raft. And as Little Bob… it was so easy to come by. And I trusted you most of all.”
James nodded slowly. “So you used my ignorance against me. You knew I had no idea who you were, so you took advantage of it for my touch.”
“James, I didn’t —”
James placed a soft finger on Zemo’s lips. “Shh.”
Zemo froze in place, eyes darting between his.
“Okay, how about this: you can be Little Bob during the day, with the others. And then, at night, in my room, you transform back. No one would be the wiser. That way you're safe, secret, and you can have the best of both worlds.”
James could tell Zemo wanted to respond, but he kept his finger right there. So Zemo simply nodded.
“And if you want the comfort of my touch, you can just ask for it.”
Slowly he moved his hand away from those lips, to trace along the stubble of Zemo’s cheek, gazing at the way his finger moved.
“I would have asked,” Zemo murmured. “But I couldn’t talk.”
James raised his eyebrows at him. “You can now.”
Zemo’s whisper was soft in the quiet alley. “Touch me.”
***
“Little Bob!” Walker shouted as he furiously marched around the lobby. “Where is that little rascal?!” He raced to look under the sofa. “Little Bob!”
“What’s up?” James asked as he entered the room, stretching. He hoped no one had heard him and Zemo last night. But no one was giving him any weird looks. That was a good sign.
“Little Bob. He stole my car keys.”
James gave Yelena a look before they both laughed. “Reeeeally?” Yelena chuckled. “A guinea pig stole your car keys?”
“I swear I saw him run off with them!”
He ran around the room, tossing over cushions, looking behind corners, inside cabinets. When his back was turned, the guinea pig appeared and dashed across the floor. He scrambled up Bucky’s leg and up his jacket, holding Walker’s key chain by his little teeth.
James took the keys before scratching him behind his ears.
“Good job,” he murmured as Zemo settled into his chest pocket, right by his heart.