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Chan waits outside the hospital room. He's the picture of calm with his hands in his pockets so as two bodyguards pass by, bowing their heads as they go, they don’t see how anxious he really is; that the hands in his pockets are balled into fists and his jaw clenched so tightly he wouldn't be surprised if he's cracked a tooth.
When the doctor exits the room he feels like he can breathe, and it takes all of his years of training to not rush, but to step forward with a controlled air of detachment.
"He'll be fine, " the doctor says, in a way of greeting, since she is used to Chan turning up to check on bodyguards after an incident. "The bullet has been removed with no complications. There shouldn't be any permanent damage, but he won't be able to use that arm for at least a month. He'll have to be on reduced duties."
“Of course,” Chan nods. "I'm glad he's okay. Can I…?"
“He’s on pretty strong painkillers right now,” the doctor answers. “So he might be a bit…loopy when you speak to him.”
“I’m not going to try and get a debrief,” Chan says. “I just want to see how he for myself. Big is one of my best.”
The doctor hums thoughtfully at him, adjusting her glasses before stepping aside to allow him to enter.
Chan takes what he hopes is a silent, subtle breath before he heads inside the room.
Big is propped up in the hospital bed, his arm in a sling tied against his chest. He’s staring at the nurse as she jots down his vitals. His skin is pale, but he is alive and breathing, and Chan allows himself a brief moment to relax.
"Big," Chan says.
Big’s head lolls to the side to look at him. He blinks sluggishly and the look is so cute that Chan has to remind himself to be professional while the nurse is in the room. Chan is here as Big's superior, nothing more.
He approaches the bed. "How are…?"
"You're really handsome," Big says with a goofy, unfocused smile on his face.
Chan almost trips over his own foot in shock. He sees the nurse glance at him and she doesn't even try to hide her little smirk.
Chan coughs to cover up his awkwardness "..thank you Big, I…"
"Did Chan send you to check up on me? Is he mad I got shot?" Big asks, eyes going wide with hurt.
Chan bites back a laugh. "He did," Chan says, taking his hands out of his pockets and sitting on the edge of the bed. "And he isn't mad."
Big sighs with obvious relief. “Good. Chan shouldn’t get mad. He gets a frowny face when he’s mad.”
"A…frowny face?"
Big nods, head flopping back and forth before thumping back against a pillow. "Yeah. Like this." Big frowns and makes a grunting sound as he does. He stares at Chan, clearly waiting for a sign of understanding, which Chan gives in the form of a nod. Appeased, Big continues, "He's still handsome when he does though. Don't you think so?" Big asks earnestly.
"I…," Chan pauses, unsure how to answer in the face of Big's pleading expression. Is it arrogant to agree, even though Big thinks he is someone else? Thankfully the nurse finishes her tasks and leaves the room, saving him from the embarrassment of answering. But, now they are alone, and Big is being honest and open in a way he usually isn't, especially with Chan, so he takes the chance and asks, "Don't you think he's a bit mean? That he should be nicer to his subordinates?"
Big, who had been sinking into the pillow, snaps his eyes open and glares at Chan with venom. He seems ready to kill, and Chan is sure that Big wouldn't let his injury stop him trying.
"Chan is a good leader. He expects the best from us and we should expect it too," Big growls. "We're bodyguards, not children."
The answer makes Chan smile, his heart swelling with pride. There's a reason why Chan thinks of Big as one of the best bodyguards under his command, and it isn't just personal fondness. Big believes in what he does with everything he has.
"If you think he's being mean, you probably did something wrong and you should reflect on that."
Chan smiles as Big huffs, and tries to turn away, but his movements are awkward and he doesn't quite manage it.
"I'm sorry," Chan says, biting his tongue against laughing. "I didn't mean to offend you."
"Well you did," Big grumbles, pouting a little and Chan’s heart melts. "Everyone says bad things about Chan but he's not bad. He's not." Big insists.
"How do you know he's not?" Chan asks, curiosity winning over any care at giving himself away. "What makes you so sure?"
Big squints at him. "Why are you asking? Who are you? Do I know you?"
Chan leans in closer and though Big’s eyes go wide, they are unfocused.
"I'm just a concerned colleague," Chan says, taking pity on Big's confused state. "I'll let Chan know you're not badly hurt. He'll be relieved his best bodyguard has his back."
"I'm his best bodyguard?" Big asks, voice breathy with wonder and eyes sparkling.
Chan's heart skips a beat. He should remember to praise Big more, remind him that he is good at what he does. "You are," he says with a smile. He leans down and kisses Big's forehead.
Big attempts to shove him away, but the push is pathetically weak. "Hey! Who said you could do that?" He glares at Chan again as he wipes at his forehead. "Just because you are handsome, doesn't mean you get to do that. Only Chan does!"
Chan glances at the door. He's glad the nurse has already left; Theerapanyakul staff are prone to gossip and something like this would spread like wildfire.
"You're supposed to keep it a secret Big."
Big blushes - a perfect pink dancing across his cheeks. "I know! So you'd better not tell anyone either. Promise?"
"I promise."
Placated, Big tries to settle once more, but it's obviously a struggle with the use of one arm restricted. Chan stands up so he can shift the pillow into a better position and then carefully moves Big, being mindful of his injury. Big sighs contentedly and closes his eyes briefly. A strand of hair falls free onto Big's face and instinctively Chan brushes it back, his fingers lightly caressing Big's skin.
Big's eyes snap open again and he tries to sit up. "Who said you could touch my hair?"
Gently, Chan pushes Big back down. "Chan did," Chan says, smiling to himself. He quite likes this side of Big, that isn't afraid to fight back and argue with him. They're definitely going to circle back to this when Big has recovered.
Big's gaze softens. "Chan did? Why?"
"He couldn't be here so he sent me," Chan said. "And he gave me permission to touch your hair…" Chan strokes Big's hair and marvels at the way Big leans into the touch, "and to kiss your forehead. If you want it."
Chan pauses and watches as Big blinks, understanding creeping slowly into his eyes, before he nods his head, a quiet whisper of "yes" barely being heard despite the silence in the room. Slowly, Chan leans down and kisses Big's forehead. His lips linger, and he hears Big's breath hitch for a moment. Though he would love to stay longer, breathing in the faint scent of Big's shampoo and feeling the warmth and smoothness of his skin, Chan pulls himself away and stands up.
"Get some rest," Chan says, tucking away his feelings as he tucks the blanket carefully around Big's shoulders.
Big is staring at him with tired, distant eyes, but there is a hint of recognition in the way Big furrows his brow. Like he's been handed a puzzle piece but he hasn't quite worked out where it fits yet.
"Do you want me to tell Chan anything?" he asks Big.
He watches as Big swallows and his eyes look down at the blanket, anxiety evident in his posture. "Will you tell Chan I'm sorry? For making him worry."
Chan sighs softly, holding onto Big's shoulder, as much to ground himself as to provide Big with the reassurance he needs, but probably won't remember later.
"Chan will always worry about you Big, because he cares about you," Chan confesses. It's funny how easy it is to be honest like this, hiding behind a drug-induced anonymity. "But that's the price he's willing to pay to have you in his life." He cups Big's jaw, rubbing his thumb back and forth soothingly.
Big doesn't say anything more. Chan can see the fatigue winning the fight in the way the tension eases out of Big's body, in the way his eyes slowly drift shut.
"Sleep well," he tells Big. "I'll make sure Chan is here when you wake up."
The corners of Big's mouth twitch into a smile that only fades when the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest tells Chan he has fallen asleep.
Chan allows himself to watch for a few more minutes, taking in the sight of Big, alive and breathing and peaceful, before he turns to leave. He's got a lot of work to do if he's going to keep his promise.