Work Text:
The weather's worsened. Taesan's mother mentions a storm that might happen in a few days during dinner.
They talk about what they need to do to stay safe, mostly because Taesan's in high school and his mother works late sometimes. She's looking at him intently as she speaks, like she's trying to figure out why he was at the forest near their home earlier, alone in the dark.
Taesan doesn't reveal anything, just like he had nothing to say on his father's death anniversary. He doesn't know how to word his worries, and part of him is already ashamed of the emotions he's been feeling.
But… Leehan makes him a little less ashamed.
Taesan's afraid of how he feels when he stares at the back of Leehan’s head in the classes they share. It’s even worse every time Taesan braves a glance at Leehan inside the old, abandoned bus they often camp at, situated inside that very same forest.
They've been hanging out for months now – usually after school. And now, Taesan always looks forward to hanging out with Leehan, the taste of freedom without restraints exhilarating. Taesan's a little nervous now though, because he messed up and wanted – no, needed to fix things between him and Leehan.
Taesan never considered himself a particularly happy individual. He keeps quiet and prefers hiding in his room after heading home. But Leehan had pushed him out of his shell. Two days after walking home from school together (and a week of Taesan trying his hardest to ignore Leehan because of what the other boys at school said about him), Leehan had raced in front of him, asking if he wanted to see 'paradise'.
Taesan had tried to feign ignorance and seem cool (he's seventeen, not seven), but Leehan had lured him with the promise of pepero sticks and hotteok – two things Taesan had been craving for a while. Also, the prospect of seeing this place free of prying, judgmental eyes was incredibly tempting.
Taesan had struggled to contain his excitement at the sight of the bus, because while it looked rundown, with dirt and rust disfiguring the surface, he'd always wanted to try driving a vehicle.
He dashed inside, Leehan happily following after him, and there they spent maybe an hour just playing around with the steering wheel and pretending they were in one of his favorite action movies.
After they calmed down, Taesan told Leehan he was sorry for being so cold to him. ("It's ‘cause I felt different when you touched my hair in the art room," he wanted to add, but didn't.) Leehan said it was okay, overgrown bangs falling over crinkled eyes as he shrugged. He didn't seem bothered, just like he never appeared bothered by the taunts he'd been enduring from their classmates.
(Taesan had thrown a bag across the classroom to try and stop those boys one time, which had alarmed the teacher and pinned him as a 'troublemaker'. But it wasn't enough. Nothing ever seemed to be.)
Taesan places the small bouquet of daisies he'd wanted to give Leehan tonight on the nightstand. His text asking Leehan where he was is still unanswered.
As Taesan falls on his bed, the rainfall pelting down the roof, he thinks back to when they'd been playing this guessing game with pages torn from their notebooks, munching on some hotteok in the process. This was what the bus had turned into: a haven filled with personal trinkets and decorations that livened up the place. It was also raining outside, the drops like glitter against the cracked windows.
When Taesan had hinted at an animal that plays dead while attacked, Leehan yelled out loud, "Opossum?" which then somehow progressed into them talking about Leehan’s attitude to the bullying.
Taesan had apologized once more, because while they've spent a lot of time alone together, he still pretended Leehan didn't exist whenever they were in public because he was scared.
Leehan just shook his head (which only deepened Taesan's guilt). "The worst will be over soon. I just have to endure it for a little while."
Taesan hadn't thought much of it then, but the way Leehan tugged at his sweater sleeves seemed like he was also talking about something else.
Taesan studies the rain and remembers the ride home earlier, his mother asking about school and voicing her concerns.
"I need you safe and happy," she'd said, casting a gentle smile his way, as if she understood him. But Taesan knew she didn't, and never would. "So you can grow up, get married to a nice girl and live a good life like everyone else."
Taesan wanted to scream at her right then and there that he isn't like everyone else. How could he live a good life when he's everything but normal? He hated looking at his face in the mirror sometimes, because he sees that sickness in himself, a constant shadow that plagues his existence.
It's what led Taesan to cut his hair that time Leehan softly stroked it when they were alone together. What led him to act like he and Leehan weren't friends at school. It's what drove him into acting the way he had earlier with Leehan.
Leehan had gotten a cut on his arm and said it was from a kitchen knife, shrugging again like it wasn't a big deal. Taesan was concerned and volunteered to clean it for him with the first aid kit they had around for emergencies. As soon as he was done bandaging Leehan's arm, Taesan became hyper aware of how close they were, Leehan's face mere inches from his, and – and he panicked.
The worst thing was how Leehan hadn't even reacted when Taesan roughly shoved him away, all too used to it.
"It's alright, Taesan." He smiled, stepping a little closer, Taesan's heart thumping away in his throat. "I feel this way sometimes too."
Taesan hates how he ran out of the bus, on and on until his lungs gave out. Hates how he'd teared up, once again guilty and ashamed because he'd gone out of his way to hurt Leehan.
Now, as Taesan eventually drifts asleep, he tells himself that tomorrow, he's going to make it up to Leehan.
Leehan doesn't attend any of his classes.
Taesan, overwhelmed with anxiety, bikes his way over to Leehan's house that evening despite the aggressive rainfall. He doesn't know what to expect, but when he presses the doorbell, chest heaving, he freezes when a man shows up.
He glares at Taesan, looking so much like Leehan yet not – because Leehan will never look at him like that. Then the man yells Leehan's name.
Once Leehan arrives, there's a tense smile plastered on his face. Taesan's heart sinks when Leehan reveals he's leaving soon and going to his grandparents' to ‘get better’.
"He's going to meet a pretty girl there and finally act normal," Leehan's father adds, hands clutching his shoulders.
Taesan tries meeting Leehan's eyes, only for Leehan to avoid his gaze. "But Leehan's already normal."
Leehan's father spits out a 'goodnight' and drags Leehan inside with him. Taesan's head spins with millions of thoughts, dread creeping up his throat because Leehan's going away soon. And Taesan will never see him again.
All of a sudden, the door's shoved open, Leehan hurrying towards him.
"I lied. I don't wanna get better and I don't want to meet any girls," Leehan blurts, so frightened yet so relieved.
I already have someone I like, Leehan's gaze says, and Taesan's heart skips a beat.
Taesan attempts to reach out, wants to hug Leehan and never let go, but Leehan's father shows up and grabs him. Leehan shouts in pain and Taesan reacts, wanting to protect him from the man but the door is quickly slammed in his face.
Leehan's yells haunt Taesan the entire night.
The rain doesn't let up the following day, but Taesan doesn't care.
He's still afraid, for him and Leehan, but he's also determined, almost tripping over his bicycle as he rushes to Leehan's house, his clothes soaked.
Taesan's surprised to find the door unlocked, and hesitantly steps in. The place is dim, eerily quiet. When Taesan calls Leehan’s name, no one responds.
Taesan keeps moving, determined to know if Leehan's okay.
His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets the moment he sees Leehan in a filled bathtub, frozen with bruises all over his arms. Taesan runs towards him, tries to lift him from the tub, but it's difficult with Leehan unresponsive and just as soaked as he is. But Taesan doesn't want to give up.
He won't give up.
"It's alright, Leehan," Taesan exhales, nearly hyperventilating as he hauls Leehan away from the bathtub. "Everything will be fine. I know somewhere we can go. The place that – that always makes us happy."
It's hard to get there, inside that bus, but when they do it's like all their problems are no more. The downpour is drowned out, unable to touch them and their paradise, and all Taesan and Leehan can focus on is each other.
Leehan's eyes are sad, those dark bruises still on his arms. Mud cakes his shoes and jeans since they'd tripped earlier in their haste to get here. But, he's smiling now, and... and he's okay.
They play rock, paper, scissors as the rainfall intensifies, the game distracting them from reality. They're all smiles, laughing out loud whenever one of them loses.
"Do you think the rain can change you?" Leehan asks Taesan sometime during the storm, music playing in the background. It reminds Taesan of when Leehan confessed a month ago that he often thought about becoming a different person. “Like, wash away all the bad.”
"I don't know. Maybe?” Taesan replies, meeting Leehan’s eyes. He can't stop looking, loving how Leehan stares right back, his smile making his heart squeeze.
"If we were like, born again, would you still be with me?" Leehan asks, playfully nudging Taesan's leg.
Taesan isn't sure how to voice out everything he's feeling and has ever felt for Leehan. He's content, a bit anxious as he's outside during the storm and his mother would be incredibly worried, and he's happy, because he gets to spend this moment with Leehan. Everything would be alright, as long as they're together.
"I'll follow you everywhere," Taesan says, his hand in Leehan’s hair. He grins when Leehan laughs, leaning into his touch. "You can't get rid of me."
"I don't want to get rid of you," Leehan admits. The rain's relentless, a strong wind blowing outside, but it doesn't bother them.
Taesan holds Leehan’s smaller hand so they can thumb wrestle, only for the plan to fail since their fingers end up intertwined instead. They're both cold, but it's okay.
Taesan often wondered why he was the way he was. When he and his mother started going to church after his father died he never bothered to ask God for anything. How could he when he wasn't the person he was supposed to be? And what was the point when he'd never have the one thing he desperately desired?
But as Taesan stares into Leehan's eyes, it dawns on him that maybe God has been by his side all this time, because he brought Leehan into his life. And now, Taesan finds himself asking God – begging him to let them always be together.
"There's a book I left here earlier." Leehan stands, searching through the wooden box in the corner. "I've always wanted to read something with you."
Taesan pretends to gag as he sinks into the worn seat. "No. Not reading."
Leehan laughs before sliding right next to him. "There's no running away now." He pokes Taesan's cheek. "You'll always have me."
You'll always have me.
Taesan smiles, even as thunder crashes through the darkened sky.
It's daylight now, the earth glistening below the sun's rays.
Taesan steps out of the bus and winces at the startling sunlight. But his heart is full, and he's happy. Birds chirp above, the sky the clearest shade of blue he's ever seen.
Leehan runs to stand next to Taesan, and he's beaming. There's still mud on him, just like Taesan, but all his bruises are gone. "We made it."
Taesan nods and laughs. He doesn't even know why he's laughing. He just feels weightless, the warmth in his chest big and bright.
I'm not afraid anymore, Taesan realizes.
"Do you think we were reborn?" asks Leehan.
Taesan shrugs. "I look the same, so I don't think so. But I feel better."
"Me too."
They stare at each other, until Taesan tickles Leehan to get him to laugh. It works, but before Leehan can get his revenge, Taesan sprints deeper into the forest.
"Catch me if you can!" he yells.
"I will!" Leehan yells back, quickly gaining up on him. "I'll catch you in no time."
They're laughing again, loud and free. Safe. Nothing will harm them again.
Taesan yells into the air as he keeps going, the fastest and most uninhibited he's ever been. Leehan cheers him on, on his heels.
The sun burns, shining down on them, but it doesn't matter anymore.