Chapter Text
“Dog toy where the fuck were you?” Diego was sprawled on his bed apparently waiting for him to come back. “Doesn’t matter where I was fucks sake.” He felt foolish in a dress and he hated how it looked on him. But he admittedly did look good. “What the fuck are you wearing?” he had looked up from whatever he had been watching on his laptop. “Dress.” A gruff one-word answer, he wanted to get out of it and shower. “Yeah, I can see that-” Axel cuts him off “If you can see what I’m fucking wearing why ask retard?” he dumps the too tight denim jacket on the floor and starts aggressively pulling his shoes off in an attempt to ignore Diego’s staring. “No need to be a smart ass, why the fuck are you wearing a dress of all things? Thought you were transgender or something.”
Axel stalks off to the bathroom still pointedly ignoring Diego’s questioning. “Hey- Hey I didn’t mean to piss you off man.” The sound of a bed creaking as Diego gets up to follow him. “Focáil leat asal agus dún do bhéal a cunús Meicsiceach.” He slams the door shut and locks it behind him turning on the shower. God, he wanted to feeling of that guys hands off him, he didn’t even fuck him properly. Pulling the dress off over his head he drops it to the ground in disgust. Bra and underwear follow suit as he kicks them near the door. He stares at his reflection, – the made-up face clashing badly with the scars and how fucking disgusting he looked – turned the tap on and started scrubbing at his face viciously to get the makeup off. Fuck he hated this. He hated the dresses and the makeup and the shitty fucking sex that made him feel worthy of something. He turns the tap off and steps into the shower and finally let himself cry. He could trick himself into thinking it was the shower. Sometimes. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights.
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“Shittiest sex I’ve ever had. I’ve lasted longer wanking then he did. I let him fuck me and he came in three minutes. Why do men insist on never using a condom” He flops rather dramatically onto Diego’s bed ignoring that he was getting the sheets wet from his hair. “I fucking asked him to eat me out and he couldn’t even do that. Like if you’re gonna fuck someone at least make sure you’ve had sex with someone who isn’t a used and abused prostitute. Íosa Críost the only good thing about that was the money.” Diego was looking at him weird. “What?” he sits up from the bed and looks at him “God forbid I get something out of sex. As if you’ve never done that.” Diego looked serious now. “Axel.” He didn’t understand. “What? Why is it a problem that I’m having sex, fucks sake it’s not like you’ve never touched a girl before! You look like you’re gonna strangle me.”
“I might just. What do you mean ‘never using a condom?’ you didn’t fuck him without one did you? I don’t give a shit what you do but at least if you’re having sex use a fucking condom. Jesús, María y José Axel you fucking idiot. Don’t give me that look! Did you, or didn’t you?” he runs a hand through his hair in exasperation “I- Fuck, no. No, I didn’t. I wanted to but he just… didn’t want it and I didn’t feel like arguing so I went along with it,” Axel looks down at his lap, wringing the towel in his hands ashamedly. “You’ve never cared what I’ve done till now, why change your mind. It doesn’t matter for fucks sake.” He stands up, avoiding Diego's gaze, wishing he hadn’t fucking said anything now. “You’re acting like what I did was the end of the fucking world MY GOD DIEGO!” sure he was being a bit too loud but fuck it was irritating what Diego was doing, as if him having some shit sex was suddenly a crime against humanity.
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Diego had fucked off soon after he had started shouting and he felt bad now. Why did it matter so much to him that he had tried having some fun? It wasn’t as if Diego had never fucked a girl without a condom. Fuck, Diego was a cunt, what with his bullshitting about what he did on his days off. His hair was damp, he didn’t feel like drying it anymore. The only thing that shower had done was make him physically clean; he still felt the hands on him, still felt disgusting for having let some guy fuck him. At this point it wasn’t even about the money it was about the familiarity, how he could just drift, let his body be used and not have to think about it. Sure, it was illegal but he didn’t give a fuck, he needed something to distract himself and he didn’t fancy becoming dependant on alcohol. So now he spent his weekends getting fucked by different men to try and feel something other than the constant disgust and emptiness.
His phone rings from the crumpled form of his jacket on the floor. Fuck. He walks over to it and checks the caller ID, Diego. Fuck him right now. Turning off his phone he drops it on his jacket and goes back to his place on his bed intending on overthinking himself to sleep. A buzz, his phone again. Fucking hell could Diego not just leave him alone. Another buzz, fuck this was annoying. He hadn’t realised earlier but he was exhausted. Exhausted and hungry. He missed Hannah, even after all the shit she’d done to him. She was at least good at sex even if half the time he hadn’t wanted it. He would rather die than be with her again, as much as he missed her and it had been his fault; he was stronger than her and should’ve- his thoughts are interrupted again by his phone ringing. Was it Diego? He was willing to bet it was. Giving up by the third ring he slides off the bed rather pathetically and answers it. “What.” He was still annoyed at him. “I got you food.” A pause, Diego's way of saying sorry was usually by getting food or doing something for someone. He couldn’t stay mad at him forever. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.” He picked up the now crumpled jacket and threw it on his bed. “I know man.” He was still hungry, and now with the knowledge of Diego arriving with food it had him in a considerably better mood. “So,” A repeated echo of his words from the other man. “What’d you get?” he checks the time, nearly twelve. “You’ll have to wait till I’m back to find out. See you man.” the muffled sound of an indicator clicking on and Axel thumps onto his bed once more “Bye. Drive safe.”