Chapter Text
Patton nearly chocked on his cup of coffee, “I’m sorry you have a fucking what?”
Wally groaned, flinging his head back with a tired sigh. He pressed his fingers against his nose bridge, trying to keep his brain from falling apart. He was then met with another voice, “Don’t act like that! I can’t believe you’ve never told us!”
“Guys, please, you’re making a scene.” His tone was pleading as he begged the two across from him, eyes flicking anxiously around the cafe. The other was Fanny Fulbright. Her utter shock fueled her as she shot up from her seat and onto her feet. As the eyes of the cafe quickly shot their daggers, she became suddenly aware that she was on her feet. With a breath, she tucked a thick strand of her red hair behind her ear, trying to collect herself. She slowly lowered back into her seat, spine stiff. Legs crossed. Arms crossed.
The trio has been friends since they were college freshmen studying to work in medicine. Spending overnights and cramming together for exams, running on one collective brain cell and energy drinks. But even through all of that, Wally’s love life had remained completely off-limits. That was until this morning.
It was at the end-of-year party for students in their major, hosted at one of those busted-up college houses where the floorboards creaked louder than the music. Wally’s anatomy lab partner, Sam, had pulled him into the backyard. The lawn looked like it couldn’t decide whether it was alive or dead, with patches of dry grass, beer cans half-sunk in the mud, and red Solo cups scattered like confetti. But hey, at least there were fairy lights strung up on the decaying patio, giving it a half-hearted attempt at ambiance.
She wasn’t the first girl to fall for Wally, not by a long shot. Something about the Australian with the lazy accent and rough edges just pulled people in. Though the kill shot for her was when she couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d roll up his sleeves, forearms on full display.
No one could deny that she wasn’t attractive either. Silky blond hair that was almost gold compared to Wally’s. A waist that made other girls vomit out their dinner. To the watchers from the sidelines, they looked like an obvious pair. Yet when Sam had finally worked up the nerve to confess her feelings for him, Wally shut her down. He wasn’t particularly rude , but rather blunt.
A day or so passed, and here they were. Groggily stirring his coffee, Patton had asked what happened with Sam when she pulled him outside. Surprised by Wally’s extremely casual response to Sam’s confession, he asked Wally what he said.
“I’ve got a girlfriend.”
Tilting his head lazily, resting his cheek in one hand. He closed his eyes as Patton searched for something in the back of his mind. “Yeah, not that I think about it, you’ve never mentioned taking any interest in any girls when we go to any of the frats or bars.” He started to chuckle, and a sly grin made its way to his lips. “I was starting to think you were into guys, Beatles.”
“You’re absolutely disgusting, you know that, right?” Wally deadpanned. “I love you, too,” as he started to pucker his lips.
“Patton focus!” Fanny snapped, her eyes narrowing, “And you! Spill it! How long have you been seeing this girl?!”
He sighed with regret, knowing that there was no going back to a normal conversation. Hell, he’d rather be doing lab practicals than go down this waterfall of his love life. He gave in, just a bit. Wally slumped further down his seat and stared up at the ceiling. “… about two years now,” he attempted to keep his responses as minimal as possible.
The two stared at Wally, eyes wide. He predicted it would only be a few seconds before the two's thoughts finally caught up to their mouths, and he braced for impact.
“WHAT!” A unison of screams shook throughout the entire cafe. Wally once again cautiously looked around the room before he tried sinking further into his seat, wanting to evaporate on the spot.
“Two years!? Why haven't you said anything about it?!” as if she didn’t know what to do with her rage, Fanny almost knocked over her iced coffee.
“Dude. If being a huge ass and keeping secrets was a crime, you’d be on death row.” The coffee in Patton cup started to swirl as his thoughts finally caught up to his mouth “You’re not not fucking with us? Like… she’s real real? You’ve actually met her, right? She’s not some e-girl catfish situation-”
“Geez Patton, what do you take me for?!” Wally groaned, rubbing his temples. “You think I’m that desperate?” He rolled his eyes. “Well, so sorry to disappoint you, but no, she is one hundred percent real.”
Fanny gulped the rest of her iced coffee and slammed the cup against the table. Her eyebrows furrowed together. “Okay, then explain why we haven’t seen this girlfriend of yours that you claim to have if you’ve been dating her for that long.”
“She goes to UCLA. Long-distance, and she was abroad for a year, so last year we only visited each other one to two times a month. And even when she is around, y’all are too far gone, either sleep deprived or blacked out drunk. Which is probably why I didn’t tell y’all psychos anything.”
Patton quickly snapped back. “Oh, come on, like you yourself are any saint.”
Wally let out another groan and waved a hand dismissively. “Never said I was. Point is, I didn’t bring it up because, well… no one ever asked. And no offense, but I’ve always kind of seen my love life as my own business. I guess I’m just more private about that kind of stuff .”
Fanny's eyes started to turn sharp. “So you weren’t keeping this a secret?”
“Not on purpose!” Wally shrugged. “It just… didn’t come up. I also just feel weird talking about what goes on in my love life.”
Patton leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs and resting his hands behind his head.“I guess that's fair, but to be honest, this is still a little weird, though. You were judging Fanny and me for being single, yet here you were living some K-drama romance with a mystery girl? Cmon, dude.”
Fanny crossed her arms tightly, her voice sharp but not cruel. “I mean, really? Two years and not a word? When we were gonna find out, your wedding?” She let out a sigh as if to orchestrate the cacophony of her thoughts. “ Of course, we were gonna tease you about this, ” her voice softened even if her brows didn't, “but we still would’ve had your back. It just… sucks you didn’t trust us with it
Wally gave a small sigh, eyes fixed on not-as-cute-anymore latte art. “I don’t know. I guess… I didn’t think it mattered that much. Or maybe I just didn’t know how to talk about it without making things weird.” His voice wasn’t defensive, maybe hesitant. I was like he wasn’t used to being this exposed.
A silent truce was formed in the form of a kick to Fanny’s shin, “What was that for you idiot-”
“Anyways, well… maybe next time, trust that we’ll get it. We care because we’re your friends, dumbass.” His grin softened the words.
Deflated from the attack on her shin, Fanny spoke up. “Well, you can start making it up to us by telling us her name at least.”
Patton leaned in a little, now. “Yeah, c’mon, we’ve earned that much, haven’t we?” He let out a gentle a relieved sigh. Back straightened as he felt his chest a little lighter, now eager. As the thought of Wally actually dating someone was so foreign to him.
“Nope. Not telling you.” Wally snapped his head to the side, resting his chin on his hand. But after a moment of thought, his expression changed. He hesitated, then let out a quiet sigh. “...But she’s coming next week. Maybe you’ll meet her then.”
“WHAT!” Fanny and Patton once again screamed in unison.
Wally finally looked up from his phone, eyes so quick oi ngoing back to his signature unbothered default glare, “Guys please, I happen to really like this place, and I don't wanna get kick out because of your loud asses”
“She’s coming here!?” Fanny practically shouted, completely ignoring Wally.
“Okay Beatles, this better not be some elaborate prank. I swear, if this is just one big joke, I will post those photos I took of you at Sally’s party. Don’t test me."
“Holy shit yes she’s real, why do y’all refuse to believe that?”
“Well, that’s because this whole thing is suspicious!” Fanny snapped, holding up one finger. “First of all, you say you’ve been dating some girl for two years, and yet we’ve never met her.” She lifted another finger. “Second, you won’t tell us anything about this ‘girlfriend’ of yours.” A third finger popped up. “Then all of a sudden, you say she’s coming next week?” She slammed her hand down on the table.
Wally leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other as he eyed his two eager, riled-up friends. For the first time since this conversation started, Wally’s signature sneering smirk grew on his face. A look that Patton and Fanny were both all too familiar with. “How about this, if you can guess her name, I'll tell you everything and anything you wanna know, age, major, how we met. Hell, even photos.” Before his friends could say anything else, “And don't bother looking for her on social media, y’all ain't gonna find it.” It's not like she didn't have a social media presence, oh she did. It was a simple matter of fact that she just never used her real name.
Fanny raised one of her eyebrows in suspicion, “You’re messing with us.”
Wally simply shrugged, infuriatingly casual. “Guess or don’t. Makes no difference to me.” There was a pause. Fanny looked at Patton, who was already leaning forward like a dog waiting for the release command.
She sighed through her nose. “Fine. But only because I know you’re bluffing.” Of course, she was met with his arched brow as Wally was clearly amused.
Patton’s ears perked up, and he slammed his hand on the table. “Oh, you’re so on.” Patton stared dead into Wally’s eye, as if searching for any changes, any confirmation. He looks like he’d go for an Ashley.”
“Hell no, he’s into brunettes. So like, maybe Rachel.” Fanny crossed her arms, leaning back like she wasn’t invested, even though her tone said anything but.
Patton snapped his fingers. “Tori. Definitely a Tori.”
Wally only smirked, watching in complete satisfaction at the chaos that was unfolding right before his eyes. He knew that there was no way they’d guess her name.
“Cmon, Wally,” Fanny whined, leaning forward. “Can’t you give us something? A hint? Or at least tell us what she’s like?”
Wally smiled, eyes softening for just a second. “Gorgeous, smart, and the love of my life.” His response instantly caused Fanny to immediately recoil. “Oh barf, I was not expecting that,” she said, scrunching up her face in disgust.
Wally’s signature laugh started to ring throughout the cafe as his signature narcissistic grin took over. He raised both hands in the air, “Hey, I’m just telling y’all the truth!”
Patton groaned, slouching in his seat. “Ugh, when did you get so sappy? This guy isn’t gonna tell us anything.”
Fanny shook her head, waving her straw in Wally’s direction. “I bet she’s a huge tomboy,” she said with a grin, already laughing at the mental image. “You’re totally into girls who could rough you up a bit.”
“Ooh yes,” Patton chimed in, eyes wide with excitement. “I’m thinking black coffee, motorcycle type shit, can probably bench you like you’re nothing.” They were only met with Wally's snorts as he tried biting back a laugh. But he said nothing.
“You guys are fucking hilarious,” he said, chugging the last of his coffee. “Hope y’all have fun, cause I’m not telling you nothing.” He glanced at his watch. “Anyway, I gotta head to my hospital shift.” He stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder, and grabbed his glass cup, placing it neatly on the tray above the trash bin.
“Beatles, get back here!” Fanny slammed her palm on the table. “We are not done with you!”
“And I am.” Wally grinned, already halfway to the door. “See ya, losers.” He waved over his shoulder, laughter spilling from his lips as he exited the cafe.
And so, that's how it started. For the past few days, Patton and Fanny had been relentlessly hammering Wally about his mystery girlfriend. There were some days in which Fanny and Patton would just go to Wally’s dinky apartment just to continue their interrogation. Wally, unfortunately, was getting tired of the two of them bombarding him with guesses. It was entertaining at first, but now it was just pissing him off.
“Sarah”
“Lacy”
“Amy”
“Mary”
“Mary? Like Mother Mary, no way” Fanny sighs as she sprawls out on Wally’s living room carpet.. One arm flopped lazily over her stomach while the other held her phone up towards the ceiling light, scrolling through the list of names. Letting out a frustrated groan, “Wally, are you one hundred percent sure we haven’t said her name yet? I mean, I practically have a baby name book up in here.”
Wally strolled out from the kitchen, cradling a mug of coffee that, as always, had way more sugar than actual caffeine. He liked it sweet, always had. Maybe too sweet, Patton once joked, but Wally never minded. Some habits were hard to shake.
We walked over to Fanny and gently plucked her phone from her hands. “Hey-” she started, but he was already scrolling.” He scrolled as if he were scanning for something only he could see. Then he grinned, “Nope.” He popped the ‘p’ with a smug before handing it back.
Patton sat up from his lounging position, his hair a mess from the cushions. Wally’s couch had long become his unofficial nap spot. He always said it just hit differently. Running his hands through his hair, “Dude, you gotta give us a hint or something, this is starting to get kind of boring.”
Wally raised a brow, still reclined in his chair with that same annoyingly smug look. He took a slow sip of his coffee, the kind so sweet it could give you cavities just from the smell. “Hey, if you’re gonna keep interrogating me about my love life, the least I deserve is some entertainment.” Patton and Fanny groaned in response.
Wally chuckled. “But you’re right. I’m getting a bit bored myself.” He set his mug down on the coffee table with a soft clink. “Alright, fine. I’ll give you three hints. First off you are thinking waaay too normal. Second, her name starts with a ‘k’ and lastly, you’ve probably heard it before, in a bakery.”
Fanny sat up abruptly, resting on the palms of her hands, “Okay, none of those were helpful, except for the second part. Now you’re telling us she is named after a fucking cupcake?”
“Hey, I’m not the one who named her,” the blonde laughed.
Patton scratched his head. “Okay, wait. Like… Kakeleen? Krispie? Kremella?”
Fanny spun around to glare at him. “Kremella? Are you having a stroke right now?”
The noirette threw his hands up. “I'm grasping at anything right now, alright?!”
Wally couldn’t stop laughing at how unnecessarily stressed his friends were getting over a name. But that was what he loved about them, not just the chaos they brought into his life, but how they made even the dumbest things feel important. That even arguing about his girlfriend's name reminded him of the fun in the simplest things.
As she knew he was on his mind, his phone rang and lit up, however, Wally wasn’t a complete idiot as he snatched his phone as quickly as possible, refusing to let his friends even catch a glimpse.
Noticing how quickly Wally had reached for his phone, like a dog, Patton’s head perked up. “Is that… her?”
The two pairs of eyes meet each other, analyzing, predicting one another. "IT’S HER! FUCK GUESSING AND GET HIS PHONE!" Fanny shrieked, launching off the living room floor. In the blink of an eye, Wally vaulted over his seat and bolted to his front door. The red and black hair duo scrambled quickly to follow in pursuit. Patton nearly face-planting as he tripped over a stray hoodie on the floor. Despite the chaos, they had enough presence of mind to slam the door shut behind them. They weren’t complete monsters.
They rounded the corner just in time to see the elevator doors beginning to close, Wally already inside, back pressed to the wall like the smuggest bastard alive. Phone to his ear, he grinned. “Hey, what's up? Nah, not doing anything right now,” he said casually, before breaking into maniacal laughter as the doors shut right in their faces.
Patton slapped the elevator button repeatedly. “HE KNOWS.”
Fanny pounded her fist against the wall. “DAMMIT, BEATLES.”
The two dash down the stairs, just to make it in time to the lobby to see a flash of Wally's unkempt golden locks leave the door.
“Shit” Fanny gaspes as she places her hands on her knees. Out of breath, Patton wipes his forehead. In between breaths, “Fanny, remind me, why the hell are we running . It's not like we're not going to meet her eventually-”
“-This isn’t just about his girlfriend, Patton.” She takes a deep breath, at least trying to compose herself as she looks down at the lobby floor, “I mean, we’re his 'best friends', aren’t we? I mean shit we’ve known him as long as he’s been here. So why doesn’t he say anything?”
She yanked at his loose collar, likely from either the nap or the marathon he was just on. With her grip, his collar was going to get a lot more wrinkles. She held him in place like she needed herself to need stability.“Don’t you think even just a ‘Hey, just a heads up, I’ve been seeing someone. Nothing huge, just, y’know, two years. Thought you might wanna know... since you’re my best friends or whatever.”
Her grip still on his collar, “For as long as we’ve known him, he always keeps things to himself. Refuses to let anyone in. At times, he shuts us out like we’re not even here.”
Her voice cracked, not in anger, but in something quieter. “I just can’t accept that.”
She let out a shaky breath, and when she spoke again, her voice had softened, even if her grip hadn’t. “Doesn’t it bother you? That he never tells us anything? We’ve known him since freshman year, and yet he still acts like he’s on his own.”
Patton stares at Fanny, gentle and acknowledging, even though the grip on his collar has yet to loosen. His eyes grow soft, not out of pity but in understanding. “Fanny-”
“I’m-,” she started, then caught herself, tone attempting to shift. “We’re here for him, okay? That’s all.”
Patton watched the redhead in front of him. There was more she wasn’t saying, he could feel it in the way her voice had cracked, in the way her hand was still clenched around his collar like it was holding something else in place. But he didn’t push. If she wasn’t ready, then it wasn’t his place to drag it out of her. And truth be told, he didn’t need to. Patton had known Fanny longer than he’d known Wally. Long enough to recognize the look in her eyes, that tired flicker of something unspoken. Like a hum that was too afraid to sing. He already knew.
And maybe that’s why his voice was calm when he finally said, “Then why the hell are we just standing here? You want him to know that we're here? Then lets get in his fucking face.”