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Jason had always had frequent nightmares, that was one thing that hadn’t changed since his dip in the pit. Dark dreams and terrible scenes had ached behind his eyes… for pretty much as long as he could remember. Some of it may have been hazy, but the feeling… the feeling was always crystal. Tonight, the nightmare wasn’t a violent one, there wasn’t the Joker’s hideous smile, or the hardened fists of the street thugs who had nothing better to do than to take out their anger on a defenseless homeless kid.
It wasn’t even dramatic. It was soft. A half-memory of a woman’s voice—not Catherine, not Nocturna, or Talia, or any one person—but a smoky-voiced, cold whispering, “You were a mistake, one extra mouth to feed, a target on my back, a failed experiment.”
Jason woke up face-down in the plush sheets of the nursery bed, where Bruce had tucked him in a few hours ago, before he left. His cheek was wet from silent tears. The room was softly lit, moonlight pouring in through the large window that cast shadows across the mobile above his bed, they made it look like the bats and birds were flying backward. Something tight gripped his chest, the familiar dull ache of loneliness. The one that made him feel like an unwanted leftover, he was tired and nervous, but he didn’t want to wake Alfie… and he wasn’t wet so he didn’t need his help…
Without thinking, he slid out of bed. His socks made no sound on the hard parquet floor, except for a faint rustle as he shuffled, the short path over the landing towards the master bedroom. He wasn’t really paying attention to where he was going, he didn’t need to, he just shuffled along with muscle memory, his thumb already drifting to his mouth before he realized what he was doing. He knew Daddy— Bruce, was away, helping Dickie with work in Bludhaven, but he missed him terribly.
The scent of Daddy’s cologne made him feel more grounded, something he sorely needed tonight. He shyly pushed the oak door ajar and clambered onto the king-sized bed, burying his face in the soft cotton sheets, and taking deep inhales of the gentle scent of mandarin and cedar. Somehow, the comfort felt hollow, and empty… he missed his Daddy, he just wanted to be squeezed softly in his strong arms, and hear his deep voice. He felt like a bad boy, he’d tried to reassure Bruce that he’d be okay tonight… just for tonight, but he couldn’t even manage that.
Jason didn’t know how long he’d been curled up there. The soft cotton sheets still smelled like Bruce—it was the only thing anchoring him, but only barely. His cheek was still a little damp from earlier tears he didn’t remember crying. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He knew that. This wasn’t his bed, and Bruce wasn’t home tonight. But he didn’t want to go back to the nursery alone…and he felt guilty about bothering Alfred… It felt too big, too quiet. And the nightmare… or its horrible echo, was still there at the edges of his mind.
A noise.
The window sliding open…
Jason stiffened. It wasn’t loud, but in the silence of the master bedroom barely anything at all. But something had shifted in the room. A breath, maybe. Footsteps that didn’t belong to Alfred. Too light. Not Daddy’s either.
He tensed, eyes screwed shut, he didn’t want to talk—couldn’t talk, his voice was gripped tight as his throat clenched. He didn’t—he couldn’t… he…
Then came a voice, warm and smooth, with the subtle Narrows edge to the accent.
“Jason? Is that you?”
Jason blinked, opening his eyes and peeked up over the folds of the duvet. She was crouched beside the bed, her tanned face soft in the light of the moon. Her dark hair framed her eyes, and her gloved hand wasn’t reaching for him, just resting gently on the edge of the bed, like she didn’t want to scare him off.
He swallowed apprehensively, his pale blue-green eyes widening ever so slightly. There was no judgement in her tone, some confusion maybe, she kept her distance… but still wasn’t too far away, an expression of gentle concern on her face.
“S-s’lina?” he mumbled around his thumb.
“Yeah, Jayhoney, it’s me. You okay?”
Jason hesitated, this was new ground, and new ground was scary. Only Alfie or Daddy had seen him when he was little so far, well except for Dickie and Babs… but that was very different. He shifted slightly, trying to decide whether to sit up or stay curled where it felt safe. Selina didn’t move closer. She just watched him with an expression he couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t pity or any kind of judgement…
“I didn’t know Bruce was gone,” she said softly. “Thought I’d find him here. Guess you wanted to find him too?”
Jason’s reply was barely a whisper, “Kn-new Daddy was gone but… but… but…” That hollow feeling of loneliness overwhelmed him again and the floodgates opened. He tried to get words out in between sobs but all that came out was unintelligible cries. He whimpered as he felt wetness spread between his legs.
Then, Selina’s toned arms were around him, cradling him against her chest. Her perfume was different from Bruce’s, lavender and vanilla, and, at the moment, far more grounding than the empty sheets had been.
She gently shushed him as she held him, warm and steady. “Oh dear, Kitten, it’s okay, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. Can you try and breathe for me, honey?”
Shakily, Jason nodded. Slowly, his heartbeat lowered again, and his nervous breaths became regular again. The inside of Selina’s jacket was a cozy fleece that he just wanted to bury himself into, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling, worn out by the crashing emotions, so he simply rested his head against Selina’s warm body.
About a minute lanter, there was a knock on the doorframe, and Alfred stepped into view, he’d taken off the jumper and tie, and the first two buttons of his shirt were undone, by the looks of it, he’d been getting ready for bed himself. “Ah, I’m glad to see you’re safe, Jason. And welcome in, Miss Kyle.” There was a warm smile on the older man’s face as he took a couple of steps forward.
“Good evening, Alfred.”, Selina replied, smirking slightly, still with her hand on Jason’s back. “Jason was a bit upset, but we’ve calmed down a bit now, haven’t we, Kitten?”
The boy nodded, trying and failing to stifle a yawn. Alfred gave a sympathetic nod. “Well, I’m glad Miss Kyle found you, my boy…”, he came to the edge of the bed and bent over slightly, so he was on eye-level with Jason. “You know you can come and get me if there’s any trouble, even just bad dreams. Now, what say we get you back somewhere comfier, hmm?”
He straightened up again, and turned his gaze up to Selina. “If you would be so kind as to take young Jason over to the nursery? It’s just down the landing. Meanwhile, I shall go get a bottle, does that sound good, young master?”
His throat still sore from clenching a few minutes ago, Jason just nodded again, blinking slowly. He yawned again, and pressed his face further into Selina’s shoulder.
“Alright then, kitten, let’s get you tucked in.” She picked him up, not without effort, mind you, and let him burrow. Then she felt the wet spot on his pajama bottoms and fought back a grimace. Still, Jason needed her help right now, and she’d always had a fondness for stray kittens.
As Alfred left downstairs, she carried the little back to the nursery. By the time they got across the landing he could barely keep his eyes open. She had to say, she was impressed by it, the sturdy and functional furniture that somehow still managed to be cozy.
Jason felt safe and secure in Selina’s arms. Her scent, the soft lavender, and sweet vanilla curled around him like gentle sunlight. It was grounding, properly grounding, unlike the echo of Bruce’s cologne on the bed sheets. He was quiet, not really knowing what to say or do with himself.
He whined slightly as Selina set him down.
“I know, Jay-honey, I know. But you’re wet and need to change before you get into bed. Can you do it yourself? Or do you want me to help you?”
“Can do it…”
“Okay then, baby, I’m just going to be outside the door, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Selina said, gently as she retrieved another pull-up from the drawer.
Jason was slightly nervous, the anxiety from the nightmare still present. Selina squeezed his hand, and the comforting gesture felt like a link between them, even as she waited patiently outside the door.
Changing and cleaning himself was tricky in his state, and part of him internally kicked himself at being so slow and weak at doing such a trivial task. He felt shaky, but he took a deep breath in, just like Selina had helped him do, carefully placing the used pull-up in the bin. He fumbled at the new one, and the new trousers, unfolding them without them going flying was difficult, and he slightly wondered why he’d said yes, an older part of him reassured him that it was okay, and Selina was very new to this.
He managed to tug on a pair of soft, sky-blue cotton pajama pants, the fabric loose around his legs and comforting against his skin. Jason turned towards the doorway, Selina herself was just out of sight, hidden by the partially open door, but her shadow stretched across the floor, long and familiar in the warm nursery light. Unsure what to do now, he hesitated, he was done, and Selina was being so nice… she always was… but she wasn’t Daddy or Alfie, what did she expect? What should he expect?
Taking a deep breath to stop himself from spiraling further, and chewing his sleeve for comfort, Jason stepped towards the door, bare toes curling against the carpet. He peered around the door, Selina was on her phone, and didn’t notice him at first. Anxiously, he reached out and tugged at her arm.
“Selina?”
“Hi there, Jay, you all good?”
A small nod.
“Alright then…” Selina’s tone was warm but it seemed she was also hesitant. Saved by the bell, or in this case the butler, Alfred appeared again, holding a warm bottle of milk. Neither of them had heard him coming up the stairs, but then again, Alfred did have a way of seemingly moving about the manor that seemed magical. Nevertheless, the older man seemed to be more tired than when he had been up here last. Walking over, he gave Jason’s hair a quick ruffle before turning to Selina.
“Would you mind putting Jason to bed, my dear, I must confess I’m quite tired, and Master Bruce should be back in the morning, so, should you wish to stay here overnight, please be our guest, you know where everything is… would that be okay with you, young sir?” He inquired gently, his cool hazel eyes holding the ever-present expression of patience.
Jason nodded, he was flagging again, he leaned against Selina, she was warm, and smelled pretty, and nice, she’d take care of him.
“Sure thing, Alfred, get some sleep.” She rubbed small circles on Jason’s back again as she finished talking to Alfred, things Jason had stopped paying attention to. With a wave goodbye, the butler headed off, back to his own room, while Selina hoisted Jason onto her hip, carrying him and the bottle. She dimmed the nursery lights, and sat down on the plush rocking chair, with its pastel sunshine checkered cushions, and settled Jason into her lap.
He shifted willingly into her arms as she arranged them in the rocking chair, leaning him close to her warmth and her scent, all the energy having left him by now. Jason opened his mouth, as Selina tipped the bottle against his lips, suckling down the warm milk, sweet with the added touch of honey, without protest. He closed his eyes a moment later, fully relaxing.
“Good boy,” Selina whispered.
His fingers curled around her blouse, clutching weakly at her side. Not for attention—just for contact. He was drifting.
She let her chin rest against the top of his hair, jet black with the little white streak. She didn’t know what to think, as she felt the boy who’d she’d seen grow up far too quickly, gradually fall asleep in her lap.
This was a boy who’d had to fight for every inch, every millimetre of softness, and had come out broken. She was both surprised that Bruce had given him what he clearly needed, and not surprised at all. And somehow… had made room for her in it, even if he hadn’t said it out loud.
Jason shifted in her arms.
“Mmm—Momma…?”
The word was faint, but it made Selina freeze. Her chest tightened. It wasn’t panic, or fear, just… love. “Oh, kitten,” she whispered, brushing his hair back. “You’ve got no idea what you just did to me.”
But Jason was already asleep, the bottle slipping gently from his lips. Placing a tender kiss to the young boy’s forehead, she took the empty bottle and set it on the table nearby. To be honest, she was getting tired too, even though it was far earlier than when she usually settled down for the night. Little Jason seemed so comfortable, curled up in her lap… and honestly he was far lighter than she’d anticipated. She let out a deep breath, always running, always moving, she’d never stood still her entire life, but this, having this sweet, brave boy call her Momma—even unconsciously… being with Bruce, maybe, just this once, she could get an early night.
So, Selina did, kicking off her trainers, and pulling a blanket off the bed with her foot. She covered Jason and herself with the fleecy blanket, and wrapped Jason tighter into her own jacket. With another deep exhale, she lay her head back against the cushion of the rocking chair, and closed her eyes.