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What he struggles with most is the silence.
In the aftermath of what he has done, it is in the quiet that he is most afraid of being driven to madness.
I let her die. I let her die. I let her die.
He chose his love for a woman he had already lost over the love that was given freely; he had only needed to reach out his hand and the life he had wanted would have been his. Lila, sweet Lila. From the first moment, she had been all in. She had never held back from loving him. He had tried, really tried, to return that love.
She loved me and I let her die.
The M’kraan Crystal had already taken everything from him. He had offered it his love for Rogue, the most precious thing that he had, in order to obtain the crystal that would bring an end to this reality. When confronted with that choice, the right thing to do had turned out to be the easy thing. It was what he had wanted—no, what he had needed to do. Loving a woman who had married and had a child with someone else had brought him nothing but pain. He had thought back to the last time he saw her, perhaps the final time, when even the world’s greatest thief hadn’t managed to steal one more kiss before they were interrupted by the arrival of her son. Her son. With him. In that moment, Remy had made the decision to stop this. He was done, he had had enough, he wanted to be rid of her, and if he couldn’t be rid of her, well, he hadn’t cared about what could happen to him. He had been ready for death. He had almost welcomed it.
But the crystal had given him an opportunity. He was surprised to find that, even after sacrificing the precious gift of his love for Rogue, this was not a finite thing that could run out, be discarded, be given away or taken, even by one of the most powerful objects in the universe. No, that love was infinite. It lived in him still. He could not be rid of her.
Perhaps it was that realization that had led him to do what he had done. He had chosen the life of Rogue’s son over the life of the woman he had loved, in his way, but not in the way that mattered. She had been willing to make that sacrifice for the mission. But the knowledge of her willingness to die had not assuaged the guilt, the despair he now felt over his decision.
He had let Lila die. Rogue was still not his. He had succeeded in his mission; the crystal, once Erik figured out how to use it, would end the Age of Apocalypse for good. He had no idea, no expectations whatsoever for how this true reality would be. He could not imagine that the despair he now felt, having lost not one but two women, with nothing left to give, would be any worse. But it would not be better either.
And so, the silence.
~~~
“Remy?”
He turns and she is there, standing in the same place as the last time he saw her. Despite the urge to take her in his arms, he instead keeps them at his sides, his hands balled up into fists. He is afraid of what he might do the longer he looks at her.
“Rogue.”
In three strides she is standing in front of him, her beautiful eyes searching as she looks up at his face. He is surprised to find tears there, and the urge to hold her grows even stronger.
“Hello, chère.”
“Remy, I…” she begins, then falters. The tears hover, ready to fall. “I heard what you did for Charles. I know what you sacrificed, what you lost, to save my son’s life.” Deep breaths, and the tears trace paths down her cheeks. “I wanted to thank you. It’s not enough, nothing will ever be enough. But…thank you.”
He looks down at her, her green eyes shining. There will be no stolen kiss this evening, no flirtatious exchange, no lighthearted innuendo. He is not done with her, but she was done with him a long time ago. And so the infinite love for her that he still holds on to, even now, will find no other home but his restless heart.
“Is Erik ready?” he says, unwilling to respond to what she has said or continue down this road. It is still too raw.
She looks back toward the door. “Almost.”
“You sure you want to do this? You have an actual life here, Rogue. You have a husband, a child. What if you lose all of that?” He might choke on his words.
She answers, almost dismissively, “Of course I want to do this. We want to do this. There is no other choice. Apocalypse has warped reality and turned it into a hell of his making. It doesn’t have to be this way, Remy. I’m not afraid of what’s on the other side.” She looks away, hesitating, then looks at him again. “Are you?”
He considers this. “No. No, I’m not.”
“Well then. Let’s go inside. It’s time.”
~~~
Erik holds up the crystal. He speaks the right words. Suddenly, reality disappears. Remy finds himself reaching out for Rogue, but her hand is not there.
He wakes in an unfamiliar bed. Remy turns, and there is a wedding photo on the wall. Through bleary unfocused eyes, he recognizes himself, but not the woman standing next to him in her green dress and white veil. He thinks he sees a streak of white in her auburn hair, but he can’t be sure.
He hears noises coming from the kitchen. Someone is cooking breakfast. A voice, calling him downstairs. “Remy, sugar, it’s time!”