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Travis was a good couple of feet into the woods behind Cabin Eleven, far enough that he couldn’t even see the outline of the cabin itself, but not far enough that he’d gone out of the protective bubble around the camp that Thalia’s tree provided. It was late, so there was no one around to bother him besides the creatures that slept during the day and came alive during the night. Travis’ only source of light was from the fire in front of him, that he had intended to build on his own in the traditional way, using two dry sticks and rock like he’d seen Beckendorf once do before. Though unlike the son of Hephaestus, who had gotten the fire going immediately, it took Travis a few tries, meaning that he gave up and took the lighter out of his pocket and lit it that way.
“Travis, you could start a forest fire!” He imagined Katie Gardener saying with her hands on her hips, giving him that disappointed mom look that she had down perfectly. Which used to intimidate Travis when he was younger but now just made him laugh because they were the same age. Katie wasn’t wrong though. Travis could totally start a forest fire with what he was doing, but he was desperate. He couldn’t keep living a lie, telling everyone that he was okay when he wasn’t.
“Dad?” Travis called out, staring into the flames. He pulled a piece of bread from his pocket, throwing it into the fire as an offering, something that would bring his dad’s attention away from whatever he was doing to his son. It probably wouldn’t work, and Hermes would continue doing whatever, but Travis could hope that it would. Hope was something he had very little of lately, something that he faked behind bright smiles and stupid pranks. The truth was, Hermes Cabin was a ship doomed at sea, swept into a storm that was uncontrollable, and Travis was the captain doing everything in his power to keep it afloat.
“I went home this winter, Connor and I did. I don’t know if you know that, we usually stay here at camp,” Travis spoke aloud, his eyes never leaving the fire as they engulfed the bread, turning it into ash. He had never really done this before, praying to his father on his own, out loud as well. Though, he had been told that the gods never listened if you didn’t force them to hear. So, Travis sat out in the woods alone, praying to his father, speaking what he would normally say in his head to the night.
“I didn’t tell Connor this, but uh, I didn’t want to stay in the cabin without Luke ,” Travis’ voice broke as he whispered the name of his big brother. Something he used to say with so much pride and admiration turned into something he didn’t say at all. “So, I called Mom, and we went home. Connor thinks Mom invited us, but I really just begged her to let us go home.” Their mother never said it, but Travis knew that she resented them. To her, Travis and Connor were just a reminder of something she could have had if the man, who wasn’t even really a man, just a god disguised as one, she loved, had just stayed. Travis didn’t really blame her. It was cruel what his father did, giving his mother a glimpse of a domestic life they could have but ripping it away before it could ever be set in stone.
“It was our first Christmas, since forever without him.” As a result of their mother’s bitterness, Travis and Connor stayed at camp all year round. Luke did as well, and he had made Christmas amazing for all the campers who stayed, which very few, but most of those who stayed, came from Hermes Cabin.
“I don’t hate him, Dad,” Travis admitted. The first person he ever told that too being his dad, who he wasn’t even sure was listening. “I want too. I mean, fuck, he almost killed Percy and then, he left. He left and now, he’s who knows where. I should hate him but I don’t, I just can’t bring myself too.” He had tried to stay strong over the last year for his siblings but he didn’t much longer he could go doing this before he broke the façade. In truth, he had been breaking since Chiron had broken the news.
“Luke Castellan is no longer welcome here. After he attemped and failed to end the life of a camper in the name of Kronos.”
That moment last summer had shattered every single part of him, tearing everything out from Travis until all that was left was a six-year-old little boy. Who Luke had promised a safe haven to, somewhere where he and his little brother could be away from everything that lurked around the corner waiting to kill them. The same boy that spent his time trailing behind his big brother because he wanted to be just like him. It was like Travis was feeling the weight of Luke’s betrayal twice from two different places. Once as the fourteen-year-old that was sitting in the dining pavilion and another time as that six-year-old boy.
“You’re lying,” Travis had told Chiron, shaking his head. “Luke—he…he wouldn’t—I.” He stumbled over his words, his eyes sweeping around the dining pavilion. Everyone was staring at him with no remorse or sympathy for the boy, who’d just been told that his idol, his big brother, his rock who had betrayed him, who was planning on killing their dad and the rest of the gods. There was just fear and judgement in their eyes, fear that Travis and his siblings would end up just like Luke, angry and forgotten. Judgement because how could they all live with Luke and not know that he was going to do this, they had known of something and not said anything.
If Travis had known, would he have said something? He didn’t know. It’s wrong to say, but he probably wouldn’t have just begged Luke not to do it, to stay. That he could be angry that dad had all he wanted, but he didn’t have to do that. Travis was angry at their dad. He was tired of being ignored, but he would love him. He was his dad and that longing for a relationship with something would always out way the hatred because maybe if Travis made him proud, his dad would love him too. He knew it was a false hope because that need to make their dad proud had gotten Luke exactly where he was now. The leader of an army built on destroying their dad and the gods and everything they had ever built.
“I’m lost, Dad. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. It’s what normal kids do, right? They talk to their dad. I wish I was normal, then maybe none of this would ever happen.” Travis clutched the water bottle that was at his side, staring into the fire, willing it to show some sign that his dad was listening. There wasn’t even disappointment when nothing happened because he knew it wouldn’t. He took the lid off the bottle and poured the water onto the flame, letting the darkness engulf him.