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Amy's been used to this routine for a while, first to ten wins. Her and her hammer versus Cream and Cheese. The rabbit was far from agile, but she and her Chao were a strong team. They worked together, and gave Amy a run for her money. Two against one, with weights to nerf herself. She enjoyed the challenge.
She swung her hammer, feeling like it swung her around instead. Cream hopped into the air, out of Amy's range. She didn't want to jump after her, she already felt dizzy. The blue zip of a Chao headed her way, and she swiftly dashed away, watching Cream flutter back to the ground with her ears. The rabbit pointed, “Cheese, get her!” and the Chao followed quickly, knocking Amy nearly off her feet. She stumbled a few paces to the left.
Another dash from the Chao, she put her arms up to block, before dashing towards Cream, her Piko-Piko hammer squeaking as it knocked Cream to the side. She didn't hit too hard, as to not injure the young rabbit, but merely interrupt her.
However, she failed to take a certain Chao into account, as she felt herself get knocked forward, a full ache spiking in her back.
Cream has been getting stronger… or was Amy getting weaker? The pink hedgehog got up slowly, the rabbit and Chao high-fiving. Cream looked determined, until she saw Amy, when looking pale. Amy attempted to stand, but her vision kept blurring, black splotches covering her vision. Exhaustion consumed her. She didn't feel hitting the ground.
“...my?”
“Amy!”
She opened her eyes, head pounding, with a worried Cream and Cheese looking over her. She was tearing up. “Are you okay?” Cream frantically asked. “You passed out again…”
Amy sat up, clutching her head. The world spun around her, and she felt faint still. “Yeah, I'm fine, Cream.” She forced a smile, betraying her discomfort.
“Maybe we should take a break,” the young rabbit said, helping Amy to her feet.
Amy shook her head. “No way, I'm not giving up now! I said I was going to follow this routine and I intend to!” Her voice was raised louder than normal. She won't stop, she couldn't, she promised him he wouldn't, that she'd be good enough. “Besides, no pain, no gain, right?” She flexed her arm, showing the slight muscle she's gained.
Cream looked at Amy's arm, saddened. “You should heal up…” Her small hand reached out, pressing against the array of angry purple and sad yellow blotches across it. She's been bruising easily lately.
Amy looked at her arm, it took a lot of effort to even lift, as it was weighted. She looked at Cream, then Cheese, then sighed. “Fine, just this once .”
Cream smiled, then ushered her to her room. “Then go! I'll ask my mom to make you something to eat.”
“No!” She snapped quickly, the mention of food making her tense up. “I mean, you don't need to do that, Cream.” She felt her stomach tighten, but she ignored the pain.
Cream curled into herself slightly, pouting worriedly. “Promise me you'll at least eat something.”
Amy looked down at her feet. She didn't want to. She didn't feel hungry. All she wanted was to work more, work harder, feel the burn. “Okay, I'll get something.”
Cream cheered up slightly, but her expression still screamed apprehension. “Okay,” she mumbled, unlatching her weighted bracelets, setting them down.
Amy grabbed her water bottle as she walked out of the room, taking a swig of it. Her legs felt unsteady, but it didn't matter. She opened the fridge, finding her low calorie yogurt, and ate that. I wish I could have some strawberries or chocolate in this… she shook her head, pushing back the thoughts that felt taboo to her. No, you don't need it, Amy!
She picked at the yogurt with a spoon for a while, before relenting and letting herself eat. It tasted of guilt.
She finished it off and cleaned up the minimal mess, before heading to her room. She didn't mind the dizziness or headaches. She didn't want to care. She didn't pay mind to the near stumble or how cold she felt. She wanted to enjoy how her dress felt looser on her, but she couldn't.
She flopped down on her bed, threading her fingers through her quills. A few fell out, which she wasn't surprised by anymore—only saddened. What if all my quills keep falling out? Will I still be pretty? She felt a lump in her throat growing. Breathing was growing laborious. She hated the pitiful sounds that left her, the cries of a broken girl.
“Stop that—stop crying…” She placed her palm on her forehead, sniffling. “Grow up… nothing happened and you're bawling like a baby…” She weakly reaches over to her nightstand, fumbling around until she caught hold of a paper, a picture of Sonic. Tears fell from her eyes as she gazed longingly into the photograph, her thumb gently grazing over his cheek. “What would you think if you saw me like this…” her voice was hoarse. “Weak, pathetic, and desperate…”
She laughed softly, an empty, pitiful noise. “How do you do it?” She asked the picture. “How don't you let anything bother you? How can you just be fine with everything?” She felt new tears fall from her eyes. “Why am I never good enough for you? Why am I never strong enough… Why am I weak ?” She set the photo down on her nightstand. She grabbed her pillow, pressing it against her chest, holding it as tightly as she could muster. “Why am I never good enough…”
She let out a pitiable sob, followed by another.
She awoke to a knocking on her door, she hadn't even realized she fell asleep. She sat up, clenching her eyes as if it'd protect her from her wave of dizziness. “Come in.”
She looked as the door opened to the tall rabbit. “Amy, dear, dinner is ready.” Her voice was sweet like candy, every time Vanilla spoke it felt relaxing.
And still, Amy tensed up.
“I'm not really hungry,” Amy lied. Her stomach clenched with hunger, furious at her for depriving it. She felt a wave of nausea wash over her.
“Come on, Amy. A growing girl needs her nutrients, especially one who works as hard as you do.”
Amy bit her lip with shame. She knew Vanilla was right, but, in reality, she hasn't been letting herself eat. “I had some yogurt earlier, isn't that enough?”
“Hardly,” Vanilla insisted. “Cream and I will be waiting for you, don't take too long.”
Waiting for me? Dang it…
Amy flopped back down on her bed. She hated how, whenever she ate, she felt nauseous. The reason was beyond her. Sometimes it felt like starving was easier than eating.
She stood up, at least that wasn't as bad as earlier, and walked to the kitchen. Vanilla had already set a plate for Amy, which has enough food to make her head spin. It wasn't a crazy amount, but it didn't take much to intimidate her.
She sat, tentatively picking up her fork and poking and prodding at her food. Her appetite keeps getting less and less, and her apprehension has been growing. She more or less played with her food instead of eating it.
“We are supposed to eat our food, not play with it.” Amy's eyes snapped up to Vanilla, embarrassment coloring her cheeks. It took her a moment to notice that she wasn't the subject of the reminder, Cream was. She hadn't eaten a bite of food, and a look of anxiety painted her face, she looked pale. Vanilla spoke again, “Cream, did you hear me darling?”
Cream stood up, walking away from the table without an ounce of politeness, unlike her usual self. Something is wrong… Amy thought, trying to get up from the table.
But Vanilla stopped her. “I'll go check on her. Please, just eat up.”
Amy sat back down, eyes glued to the table as Vanilla walked away in her periphery. She was hesitant, but took a bite of food. It was delicious, she loved Vanilla's cooking, even if it was just rice and vegetables. A feeling of guilt weighed back onto her, a sinking feeling in her stomach that told her to stop. Another bite won't hurt , she convinced herself as she took another. Don't think about how you'll feel nauseous later , she took another. Just don't worry Vanilla again , she took another. She didn't notice she was tearing up until she saw her vision of the food was blurred, and a blink let the droplets of water fall down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes.
She made a dent in her plate. Maybe that was good enough? She felt the weight crawl back onto her shoulders, and she wondered how much she'd need to work out to make up for today. Just burn more than you take in… She felt her eyes well up again. She promised him she wouldn't stop, she needed to keep it up, or what would he think, what would he say if he knew she quit because he was gone? She wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath.
Soon, Cream and Vanilla reentered the room, Cream sniffling, eyes puffy. She looked at Amy, seeing her plate, and began to bawl again. She ran towards Amy, trapping her in a hug, burying her face in the cotton of Amy's dress. It must not have felt as comfortable as before, when she had more flesh. Amy held the young rabbit. “What's wrong, Cream?”
The young girl hiccuped and cried. “Please stop hurting yourself…!” Her words were broken up by cries. “I can't watch you do this anymore! I can't watch you faint one more time!”
Ah. So that's what this is about.
“It's okay, Cream… You don't need to Boxercise with me anymore…”
Cream pulled away, sniffling. She looked at Amy's plate, then back at Amy. “Please, just eat…”
Amy looked at her food, nausea renewed. “I don't know, Cream, your mother did give me a lot.”
Cream grit her teeth, as if biting back something she really wanted to say, but instead went and sat down. Cream never acted out like this before… What happened?
Cream ate her food like it was an act of rebellion, each bite being its own statement. She did everything to not look at Amy, while Vanilla sat herself down, eating awkwardly.
Amy clenched her eyes again, hoping her nausea would clear up so she could eat just one more bite. For Cream's sake.
Amy managed another bite or two, but she'd mostly been sitting awkwardly, watching Cream and Vanilla eat, and Cheese and Chocola bumble around. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife.
Cream finished her food, and walked her plate to the sink, grabbing her step stool to rinse it off herself. “Come on Cheese,” she mumbled as she walked off to her room.
Amy felt a thousand pounds heavier. After she heard Cream's door shut, she face planted on the table next to her plate.
“I'm sorry Cream has been so on edge lately, dear,” Vanilla cautiously explained. “She's still mourning… you know.”
A wave of emotions overcame Amy. His name was taboo to say, even to think about so soon after everything happened. Amy found it impossible to speak.
“And she's scared for you. She loves you a lot, and so do I. You're like my daughter, and her sister… She never did like seeing you hurting.”
Amy felt tears well up in her eyes.
“She hasn't been talking with me as much either… She just had a lot on her mind.”
“I'm sorry!” Amy's composure snapped, and soon she was bawling like a child. She felt the deep heavy sobs in her stomach, making her feel like she might vomit. But soon, she felt warm arms wrap around her, pulling her close.
“Don't apologize, child. You're trying your best. You're allowed to grieve.”
“It's not that…” Amy hiccupped, wiping her eyes. “I keep on starving myself,” Amy whimpered. Vanilla looked at Amy thoughtfully, before hugging tighter. “I wanted to get stronger, so I worked out, then I wanted to get prettier, then thinner, then…” a new wave of sobs overcame her, making it hard to breathe.
“You were always beautiful, Amy… Why would you ever believe you weren't?”
“Because he doesn't love me…” She admitted, the truth sounding foolish.
“Would Sonic really like to see you like this?” Vanilla asked, pulling Amy as close as she could.
Amy sniffled. “No…”
Vanilla continued, “What would Sonic want of you?”
“That I…” Amy felt her throat close as she thought of what he may think of her. That I stop being annoying, that I leave him alone, that I stop being weak. But that wasn't what Sonic wanted, was it?
Amy's shoulders were grabbed, and suddenly she was making eye contact with Vanilla. “That you be happy and healthy. And right now, you're neither.”
Amy felt herself begin to sob again, barely holding herself together.
“So please… Take care of yourself. For me, for Sonic, for Cream… and most importantly, for yourself.” Vanilla's gentle hands brushed tears from her cheek. “You deserve to be happy and healthy.” She gave Amy a loving maternal kiss to the forehead.
Amy hugged Vanilla tight, as tight as she could and even tighter than that. “But I promised him that… I'd keep dieting, that I'd become who Sonic wanted me to be.”
“He'd want you to be safe.”
Amy whimpered quietly.
“It's going to be a bumpy journey ahead, but we'll always be in your corner, do you hear me?”
Amy laughed softly, tears falling again. “I'm glad I have you, Vanilla…”
Vanilla brushed the tears away. “I'm glad I have you too, Amy. Never forget that.”