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This was the last straw, Papyrus decided.
Sans had not been well for months. He wasn’t eating right, he was always sleeping, he began to act moody and angry and there were days he couldn’t get himself out of bed. He had put on quite a lot of weight, too. It was all very worrying and Sans refused to talk about it.
Papyrus did some research, and he did not like what he found. The most likely cause for all of this, he concluded, was depression. It explained not only his behavior for the past couple of months, but for the past couple of years, too. It scared him to realize that his brother had probably been going through this for so long all by himself.
And so, after having dinner at Undyne’s (Sans didn’t want to come- he said he wasn’t feeling well, and Papyrus accepted it because he did look pretty bad) he decided to stage an intervention, as they often say on the sitcom dramas he watches.
When he walked through the front door of their house though, ready to speak his mind, he heard… crying. It didn’t sound like Sans. He didn’t really know what it sounded like, honestly. But it was coming from his brother’s room.
He opened the door and said, “Sans, I thought I heard crying, are you-“
And then stopped.
Because his brother was holding his hoodie in his arms.
And bundled up in that hoodie was a baby.
“uh. sorry bro. I, uh, tried to be quiet.”
“OH MY GOD.”
“wow, this is awkward.”
“DID YOU JUST GIVE BIRTH???”
It was a ridiculous question. Sans’s mattress, sheets, clothes and child were covered in the weird goopy substance that protected the baby while in the womb. By all means, the answer was a glaring yes.
“well. maybe?”
“I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. IS THIS WHAT YOU’VE BEEN HIDING ALL THIS TIME??”
Sans, looking sheepish, shrugged. The baby in his arms seemed to have calmed down and was looking around with teary eyes.
“uh. yeah. you wanna hold her?”
Her.
It just occurred to Papyrus that he was actually an uncle, and that baby- girl- in his brother’s arms was his niece, and Sans was actually a parent.
“OF COURSE I WANT TO HOLD HER!!”
It also just occurred to Papyrus that he shouldn’t scream around newborn babies. She started crying again. Sans looked flustered and started trying to calm her down. He seemed exhausted.
Papyrus held out his arms. His brother gratefully handed her over.
…And then he immediately passed out. Which was understandable.
Papyrus was going to have to give him a talking to later. Giving birth was a long and difficult process, and almost never done alone because it has a high chance of being fatal then. Not to mention the amount of magic the actual pregnancy required. Sans took a huge risk doing this by himself and Papyrus wasn’t going to let him off easy.
He glanced down to his crying niece.
She has her eyes tightly shut (a skill Papyrus himself had not inherited) and was flailing her arms and legs in an uncontrolled manner, tears streaming down her face.
Papyrus realized that he was probably looking at the most adorable thing he’s ever seen in his life. And he forgot to ask Sans if she had a name.
He started rocking her. He thinks it calmed her down a bit. He put his fingers near one of her hands and she grabbed onto it and held it a lot tighter than he was expecting.
He decided that his niece was the best thing to happen recently and squealed internally.
Eventually, she fell asleep. He doesn’t know how long it took. He decided to put her on Sans, who curled an arm around her in his sleep.
Papyrus totally took a photo.
Then he pulled up his contacts list.
“Undyne, I need to ask you a favor.”
“PAPYRUS! …Do you even know what time it is???”
Papyrus looked at the clock. Oh. Morning already.
…Or, rather, the middle of the night.
“OKAY WOW IT’S LATE but this is really important can you help?”
“Slow down! And, uh, I guess that depends on what it is??? What do you need?”
“Um. Remember how Sans was, like sick or something? But he refused to tell everyone what was wrong?”
“HA! Finally got him to crack, did'ja? Good job, Papyrus!”
“Well. No. I didn’t really do anything? But it turns out he was actually pregnant.”
There was silence on the other line.
“Come again?”
“Sans was pregnant.”
“Right, right. So I didn’t hear you wrong. But. Please tell me that my guess on why you said “was” is wrong.“
"He’s not pregnant anymore.”
“Oh my god.”
“Undyne I have a niece now.”
“Oh my god.”
“So can you go out and buy a crib or something? And baby clothes. And something to wash babies with. And-”
“I got it. I’ll just… go to a store that’s open, hope they sell baby stuff, and ask for everything that baby skeletons probably need. Hopefully they would know what baby skeletons need. You two are the only two skeletons I’ve ever seen so I’m not sure if anybody would know.”
“Thanks Undyne. I’ll pay you back.”
“Right. Ugh. I can’t believe that out of all things, this is what he was hiding.”
“I know right??? He waited until the baby was here and now we don’t have anything to properly care for her! And I have to find a place to put a crib because Sans is asleep and probably won’t wake up for a week!”
“Ha! Have fun. I’ll leave it to you then. Bye.”
“Goodbye!”
Then she hung up.
Papyrus looked around his brother’s room. There were socks. There was a treadmill in the middle that was never used. The lamp had a flashlight without batteries in the socket.
There was a self-sustaining trash tornado.
He had a lot of work to do.
—
Sans woke up while he was trying to figure out how to get rid of the tornado. He saw he was holding his daughter, adjusted his grip on her, and sat up.
“hey, pap?”
“Yes, Sans?”
“what are you doing?”
“Trying to figure out how to dismantle this tornado. How does it even work?”
Sans looked at the rest of his room. It was… clean. There was no treadmill. The lamp seemed to actually work.
“so, uh, why did you clean my room?”
Papyrus gave him a look.
“My niece needs to sleep somewhere, Sans! And because you just so happen to be her parent I thought that it was appropriate for her to stay here. Also, we are going to throw away your mattress and sheets and those clothes that you’re wearing because there is no saving them now. You need new ones, anyway!”
Sans shifted uncomfortably. He was, in fact, still coated in goop that was mostly dry by now, and so was his newborn child. Something probably needs to be done about that.
“uh. yeah. i’ll let you figure out that trash tornado, then. i need to… change.”
He stood up on wobbly legs, keeping a firm hold on his daughter, and slowly made his way to the door. It was difficult. Everything hurt.
“Sans,” Papyrus said. He turned around.
“yeah, bro?”
Papyrus crossed his arms and gave him another look. “We’re going to have to talk about your secret-keeping habit. That was a very dangerous thing to do by yourself, Sans! You could’ve died!”
Sans looked away and shrugged awkwardly. “uh. yeah. i’ll keep that in mind next time.”
There was brief silence.
“i mean, not that there’s going to be a next time.”
“Just go and take a bath.”
“will do.”
Sans slowly made his way to the bathroom, making sure not to jostle the bundle in his arms too much. She was, miraculously, still asleep.
When he reached his destination, he stared at her, unsure of how to proceed.
It was difficult to think that he… made this thing. It was difficult to think that he was actually a parent. It was super weird to think about anything concerning her, really.
But it was also really neat to look at her and know that she was his daughter, and that she’ll grow up and be an actual person one day. She was also really cute. He was probably biased, though. Being her mother and stuff.
She was still in desperate need of a bath.
He started the tap on the sink, keeping his hand under the water until it felt warm, and plugged the drain. Then he began to unravel his hoodie from her. He felt guilty about disturbing her sleep, but so far her existence has consisted of nothing but being covered in goop and that had to be fixed.
When he threw the hoodie to the corner of the bathroom, sadly thinking about how many times it had to be washed before it was wearable again, his baby blinked open her eyes and yawned.
Sans stared at his kid.
She stared back.
He should really decide on a name.
“hey there, kiddo,” he told her, smiling. “just in time for a bath, huh?”
It might have just been his imagination, or maybe because she was a skeleton, but he was pretty sure she smiled back.