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Rin had taught Meguru love. In Meguru's mind, that's what he believes. He had found him and raised him up, pulled him far from his past of excessive torment and unbearable solitude, instead leading him into a new world, one that put Rin at the center.
Meguru couldn't see anything else but him.
.
.
.
The clock ticks forward, and every second is increasingly agonizing. At the center of the quaint apartment, Meguru waits, sat on the couch with his foot tapping incessantly upon the hard oak floor.
The click of the front door being unlocked makes him spin his head towards it, jolting him up onto his feet.
Rin steps into the apartment, work shoes brushing against the front carpet. He doesn't give Meguru so much as a sideways glance as he slides his suit jacket off, letting it slump onto the ground as he shuts the door.
Sucking in a deep breath, Meguru approaches him, putting great effort into softening the sound his feet makes against the floor as he walks.
"Good evening. Hi, sweetie..." He greets Rin with a broken smile. "...How was work?"
Silence is Rin's response, still refusing to meet his eyes. He slides past Meguru breezily, leaving him standing by the door as he makes his way to the couch. Meguru watches him slump down into it, resting his elbow on the armrest and his face in his hand, a posture of pure exhaustion.
"...Your brother called." Meguru speaks again, unsure and slightly wary. He copies his boyfriend's steps, bringing himself to sit beside him on the couch. "He didn't say much, just-"
"What's for dinner." Rin asks.
Meguru gulps. "......It's in the kitchen, I-"
With that, Rin is stood up and exiting the room again. Meguru sees him disappear behind the kitchen wall, and his body eases upon that.
In all the effort he puts in to not provoke Rin in his state of exhaustion, everything seems to be going well enough this evening. Other nights tend to go a lot differently, when Rin's temper is a bit more irritable than usual. But that's true of anyone, isn't it? Work can be a lot, it's normal. The silent treatment may sting, but it's better than any crass yelling and personal insults.
He allows himself a couple deep breaths. He's fine. It's fine. He's-
"Meguru," Rin calls, just loud enough for him to hear, "Come here."
It's not fine. His heart sinks. He hesitates, worrying of his fate once he does as he's told, but fearing his punishment if he doesn't. So, he gets up, feet pattering slowly upon the floors until he reaches Rin, approaching him carefully.
"...Yes, Rin?"
"Why's it cold?" Rin picks up a plate and presents it to him.
Meguru's mouth opens, his brain begins to scramble for an answer, an excuse. "...I made it a couple hours ago, I didn't think you'd come home so late, I'm sorry. I can heat it up for you-"
"Did I ask you to heat it up for me?" Rin cuts him off, slamming the plate back down on the counter and lifting his eyes to have them pierce through the man in front of him.
"...No, but-"
"No. I didn't ask you for excuses either."
He begins to approach, slow, menacing. With every step he takes forward, Meguru takes one back.
"Rin, I'm sorry, I'll-"
"So, what? I bust my ass at work all day so I can pay for this shitty apartment, and you can't even put a hot meal on the table for me when I get home?"
Meguru's heart picks up, unable to hold the vicious weight of Rin's glare upon him. His head lowers as he begins to shiver, voice straining as he tries to correct it. "No- no, I promise I tried...I just- I didn't- I didn't think that-"
"For fuck's sake, Meguru!" Rin scoffs, and Meguru flinches. Abruptly, his neck is grabbed in a sharp, burning, caging grip, not strong enough to choke him out, but enough to keep him steady in place, locking him against Rin. "Look at me when I'm talking to you. How many times do I have to tell you? Can you do anything?!"
He barks out his words right into Meguru's face, who trembles and huffs in his hold. Up close, it's impossible to miss the brisk watering of his eyes as he swallows rigidly.
"...Rin, please, I'm sorry...please don't-"
"It's always like this with you. Do you never learn? I am sick of your shit, Meguru!"
Tears are falling before he can even attempt to hold them back. They spill out onto his cheeks and down his chin, dropping onto the veiny hand latched around his jugular. His words come out in panicked huffs, shaking his head frantically and twitching in Rin's hold.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, please! Rin, please...please..." He sobs through his frightened breaths.
Rin seethes from above him. His grip doesn't soften in the slightest. Nor does his wrathful expression, those teal, narrow eyes being the last thing Meguru sees before a fist is launched into his face, striking him in the nose with a wounding force and sending him crashing onto the kitchen tiles below.
Coughing at Rin's feet, Meguru shifts his body in a pitiful attempt to cower away. His hands crawl up, one to shield his head, the other to block the stream of blood swiftly starting to pour from his nostril.
"Fucking pathetic." Rin scoffs above him. "Get out of my sight."
Clutching onto the wound beginning to ache on his face, Meguru manages to pull himself to his feet, scrambling out of the kitchen fleetly.
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.
.
Meguru finds himself on the couch once again.
He'd ordered himself to stop the tears. He was able to reduce them to faint sniffles by the time Rin reentered the main room to begin his meal on the dining table behind him.
With every sniff, however, came a sharp, agonizing pain that Meguru did his all to not wince at. Rin's prescence nearby is a sense that keeps him alert, keeping him still as stone and maintaining the silent tranquility the apartment is settled in at the moment.
Every nerve in his body works to help him stay quiet and unreactive. It'd be stupid for him to break down over this, anyway. By now, he should've learnt his lesson. Rin hates cold food, he should've made sure the dish was still hot by the time Rin was home. He can't blame his boyfriend for getting mad at such an idiotic mistake.
Meguru thinks this, unmoving and hushed. Even as the scrape of Rin's chair sliding on the dining room floor screeches across the apartment when he gets up from his seat at the table, and his large footsteps echo as he begins to approach the couch.
Each step causes a skip of Meguru's heartbeat. When his body begins to shake involuntarily, he surmises he's in for another beating or two. He's sulking again, and Rin hates that. He tenses as a way to brace himself once Rin comes into sight in the corner of his eye.
He takes a seat beside Meguru, his weight sinking him down slightly with how close he chose to sit.
Meguru's eyes stay on the floor, a few drops of sweat upon his temple betraying his attempt to keep his worries subtle. If he speaks, he knows he's in trouble, let alone if he looks.
When he notices Rin's arm lift to reach towards him, he lets out an audible wince.
Rin's hand halts, hovering for a moment in something like hesitance, before it rests itself on Meguru's shoulder. He pulls, cautiously, until their eyes are meeting, Meguru's glassy with tears, whilst his boyfriend's pierce right through him.
Next, Rin is leaning forward. Meguru freezes, save from the occassional twitch his body seems to do every other moment, though that's vastly out of his control.
Rin's lips meet his. It's not rough, it doesn't hurt. Not in the slightest. His touch is soft, gently gripping the side of Meguru's jaw, fingertips brushing against his cheek and easing him into the kiss. Warm. Slow. Delicate. It's comfort. And Meguru's eyes close as he lets himself sink into it.
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By the night's end, various pieces of their clothing are scattered across the floor of their shared bedroom. Rin's suit pants hang over a nearby desk, wrinkled beside Meguru's beige sweater. The lights are dimmed and Rin had the fans turned on to accommodate for the heat of their session.
He keeps Meguru cradled in his arms upon the bed, holding him like a lover, running his slender fingers through his locks just the way Meguru likes it.
Moments like this are easier. When coddled up with Rin after a passionate evening, Meguru finds it simple to melt into his boyfriend's arms. Nothing more has to be said, not when they're together like this. It's these quiet times that make it all worth it. Such tender, gentle contact with another, Meguru knows how lucky he is to have this.
"What did he say?" Rin breaks the quiet, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Hm?"
"You said my brother called earlier. What did he say?"
Meguru blinks as he recalls the conversation, his fingertips dancing across Rin's collarbone. "Oh, right...it was nothing. He was just checking in from Spain. Him and Ryusei have settled in well."
Rin hums, barely giving it a thought. Though, Meguru takes a moment to ponder.
"...Spain can be really nice this time of year." He mumbles, lifting his head. "We could go back."
Rin's eyes stay sharp on him, as if scanning and studying his entire bare form. He seems calm. Meguru's had years of practice to determine the moods he's in just by taking a look at him. What happens next, however, he struggles to read.
His fingers halt in Meguru's hair, though he keeps them in their place. And then, he sees Rin's eyes soften.
His blank expression shifts to one that resembles...sorrow. Pity. A faint frown even appears upon his lips, one that feels uncanny on a face like his, for a man like him.
"...Why do you stay with me, Meguru?"
The question is sudden, unanticipated. Meguru is almost unsure he heard it correctly. He stammers slightly, trying to lower the worry under his voice. "What?"
With a sigh, Rin's hand lowers. It traces the remnants of the bruise staining the skin of his nose, the one he had given him no less than a few hours before.
"Look what I do to you." He mutters. His tone sounds hurt. Wounded. "I'm violent. Reckless. Yet, you put up with it. You could leave any time, yet, you don't. Why?"
Meguru blinks up at him.
He can't deny that it's a thought he himself hasn't had before. People would show concern over the various cuts and wounds that began to stack up all over his body when he began his relationship with Rin.
They'd, of course, assume the worst, and immediately offer their help and support, voicing methods on how he could escape, find safety and protection, leave the horrors of this man behind.
Meguru refused them all.
What he has with Rin, he can't give up. He knows that if he were to tumble back out into that world alone again, he'd be lost, petrified and harmed without Rin there to hold his hand. To guide him, hold him, guard him. Loving Rin can be hard at many times, but it's what he's got and it's what he needs. He needs this with Rin, he needs him.
His own hand trails up to grasp Rin's. He holds it tight, his eyes deadset on his lover's.
"Because, Rin...I love you." He says, and there's no hesitation. He's sincere. He's grounded, and he needs Rin to hear him. "I love all of you. I could never part with you, so I stay. I don't care how much it hurts, how much it bruises. I want this...with you. So give me all of it. Every last bit. Never let go of me, Rin."