Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lying lifeless on the sofa, Ronnie lay sleeping, his dreams filled with only one person. That’s all he ever dreamed of, memories of the past. The good memories filling his dreams, the bad memories filling his nightmares. He’d never missed anyone so much. He didn’t think it was possible to miss a friend this much, which always made him wonder if his relationship with Max was that little step beyond. It was certainly too strong to call him a friend, perhaps even too strong to call him a brother.
There was something special about Max. His eyes being one of the most special things. The deep sea green surrounded by black eyeliner. The constant spark that never failed to shine no matter what situation he was in. They were beautiful; breath-taking even. They always had been to; from the minute that he met Ronnie. His voice was another wonderful thing. It was the only voice that had comforted Ron whenever anything was wrong, something utterly unique about it. He’d always screamed the lines to his songs until his voice had near gone but no one ever gave him credit. Max didn’t mind though, he’d do anything for Ronnie. He was perfection in his eyes. His hair. His eyes. Everything about him from the tip of his head to his feet. He was completely perfect!
Radke woke with a start to the sound of his phone ringing violently. The same sense of heartache and longing took over him as he prayed that it was the voice he always held in his heart. Too many times has he built his hopes up for them to be knocked down. He had always tried his hardest not to let them take over him but he couldn’t fight longing this strong. Near impossible to pick up the phone, Ronnie wondered if he could take the heartache again. But he risked it…. Thank God he did. It was that voice, that perfect voice not just in his head but for real.
“Ronnie?” Max whispered, his voice trembling almost as much as his hands.
They both knew what they wanted to say but didn’t know how…
“Max! It’s really you?”
“It’s really me, man. You sound so different, there’s something about you-“
“I’ve missed you so much, Max!” Ronnie interrupted, “I’ve never stopped thinking about you. Every day that passed in that hell hole it got harder to fight what I was really feeling…” His voice trailed away.
They were both fighting tears, waiting for the other so say something. When they did, they spoke in unison, copying each other’s words as they escaped their mouths. It was those three words. The words they had always said but wondered if they truly meant. This time there was no doubt; “I love you” one of the most simple, yet most important sentences ever created.
Max started crying, allowing other people to hear him sobbing out of control for the first time since he was just a child.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve someone like you, you’ve been to hell and back yet I’m the one sobbing in the phone. My head’s everywhere with thoughts and every one of them is about you.” He mumbled between sobs.
“You really are wonderful, Max. Don’t you go making a habit of crying on me man, this is breaking my heart.”
“I just need to see you.”
“I miss you so much. Remember when I used to say people were talking bull when they said you could die from heartbreak? God was I wrong. I miss you so fucking much!”
“I’m coming round. I love you, see you soon.” Max said firmly as he ended the call. His stomach turned upside down as he collapsed on the floor.

Hauling his heavy black jacket over his shoulders, Max set off towards Ronnie’s house. He looked a mess. All he had done since Ronnie had left was try to carry on and fight what he was feeling. It had near torn him apart. Resulted in him fighting a serious drug addiction, way beyond that he had when Ron was there. Resulted in many sleepless nights full of heartache and regret. He had no one to turn to. No one at all. Mabbitt was there for him in the spotlight but not behind closed doors… No one really cared about him; it just proved that Ronnie really was his only real friend.
Lost in thought, Max realised where he was. This is it, he thought. His knock was almost silent. His heart had leapt into his throat and was beating harder and faster than a drum. He wasn’t sure if he was ready. Wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing the one he had left in a jail cell all alone. There was no going back now though. He could hear Ronnie’s footsteps getting louder as he got closer to the door.
Opening slowly, the door could no longer hide them. At first, neither knew what to expect. They both glared at each other speechless. Heartbroken they had allowed so much time to pass in between seeing each other. Max tried to speak but no words could form. He was paler than a ghost. The sparkle in his eyes struggling to glisten when he felt nothing but pain.
“Oh God man, it’s really fucking you! Come inside, sit down, we need to talk.” Ronnie struggled to speak… This was his best friend and he was near speechless.
Max felt his heartbeat increase as he realised just how much he had missed the man he was staring at. The man who was currently holding him at arm’s length making sure he was alright. The man he had grown up with and known since before he truly was a “man”. It broke his heart to see him with such heavy, dark circles around his eyes. His hair was in a tangled, unwashed mess around his shoulders and he had smudged eyeliner on from the time he had spent in front of the mirror reminiscing. What had he been doing to himself?

Ronnie straightened the cushions on his sofa, which had recently become more of a bed to him. He sat down slowly and patted the cushion next to him, willing Max to sit there. He did, only he did so quickly, trying to avoid fainting on the day he was reunited with the missing piece of his heart. Stretching his long arms out in front of him, Ronnie wrapped one around Max’s back and pulled him close,
“I’ve really missed you man. You’ve completely changed, your voice is different, and your hair’s different…” He was fighting tears again. “Even the sparkle in your eyes is fading.”
Max turned slightly so that he was facing him on the sofa, his legs crossed tightly beneath him.
“I’ve missed you too, Ronnie. God, I’ve felt like a fucking monster since the day I woke up and remembered I couldn’t see you. I reached for the phone and rang it three times and wondered why you wouldn’t answer. I was fucking terrified for days then I remembered. It broke my heart, man, seriously.” He reached forward and flung his arms around Ron. Squeezing tightly, he allowed himself to cry into his shoulder as Ronnie did the same. They held on tight for at least ten minutes, neither wanting to let go… Ever.
Finally, Max dragged himself away and lay back on the sofa. He spread his legs across Ronnie’s knees.
“I guess I’ve got some explaining to do, right?” Max sighed as he buried his head in his hand.
“I won’t make you talk about anything you don’t want to, you know that right? I’m just so glad you’re here and you’re safe. As long as you’re breathing and long as your hearts beating, that’s all that ever matters to me. That and you’re well. I just want you to be happy. I hope seeing me has made you a bit happier because I tell you now I’m over the moon.”
Max put his hand on his chest to find his heartbeat. Once he had found it, he felt it beating calmly and slow, like it was finally at ease. That was another thing about Ronnie; he could always calm him down. And even if he was completely frustrated, he always had time to listen to Max.
“Aww, Christ. You don’t half know how to get to me… I love you, man. And I really mean that.” He clenched his fist and beat his chest twice, “From the bottom of my heart, I’ll always love you.”
The room was silent. The television had been knocked off to make it easier to hear the knock. There was no sound at all apart from their breathing and the quite drips of water from the kitchen tap.
“I love you too… I’m off drugs by the way. Completely off all that shit. Drink, drugs, cigarettes. Everything. I wasn’t up for the hassle of it in there; it was partly why I had ended up there if I’m honest. I don’t know how you put up with me… I must have been such a dick to you. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop right there. You have nothing to be sorry about I swear. I’m the one who let you end up there; I’m the one who tried to carry the band on and got a new singer… I’m the one that fucked all of this up and I’ll never be able to make that up to you. Why did you let someone like me in your house? When you’ve made a life for yourself again, picked yourself up from rock bottom and I’m here like a ticking time bomb about to ruin everything again. You’re a great guy, Ronnie, don’t let anyone like me mess you up...”
It seemed as though Max was a completely different person, he was finally opening up to someone and it surprised even himself. Ronnie reached his arm out to Max once more as he began crying again.
“I just wish I was a better person… Even if I was just a tiny bit close to how amazing you are… I just-“
Max’s face was suddenly blank as snow. All he could see was the room spinning like a carousel as tiny sparkles began increasing. He tried to move but could only feel tingling in his legs.
“Oh fuck, are you ok Max?” Ronnie asked, panicked. He looked into his eyes to make sure but saw no glisten, just panicked, lost eyes looking back at him. Within seconds, Max had passed out in his arms. Ronnie shook him violently, again and again until he realised he wasn’t coming round.
“Oh god, oh fuck! Oh good god! Stay calm… You can be calm, just stay calm, you can’t help if you aren’t calm…” Of course, he was lying to himself. He wasn’t calm, he was terrified.
Lowering him carefully to the sofa, Ronnie tried to get in control and focus on how to bring him back round,
“Ok, when he fainted on stage, he said he woke up with his feet above his head… Alright, you can do this, Ron.”
Lifting his feet with both hands, Ronnie stood at the end of the sofa begging Max to be alright. He was terrified. Worried sick. Why had he just fainted like that? Was that his fault?
After a couple of minutes, Max woke up confused. He tried to get up but felt a warm hand pushing gently on his chest. As his eyes adjusted, he realised who it was and remembered the past half an hour.
“Fuck! I’m so sorry! I should have told you I felt dizzy… I’m so stupid. It’s anxiety related, I’ve turned into such a mess when you weren’t here.”
“That’s happened more than once? God, no way am I letting that happen again, ever.”
Max reached out for Ronnie’s hand and held it tightly, squeezing 3 times.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I love you…” Max blushed as he did it again. Ronnie squeezed it back.
Max’s hand was colder than ice and his fingertips were bordering on blue from lack of circulation. He looked weaker than ever and he had become severely frail. It was as though he just didn’t care what happened to himself anymore… The sparkle in his eyes returned slowly as time passed. Brushing his thick, black hair out of his eyes with his hand, he sat up and stretched.

Ronnie had frozen with fear. Max had lay down as he had done a while before and fallen asleep, clutching Ronnie’s arm. With the room completely silent, Ron had time to reflect.
“I wonder what it was like for him, the poor guy,” He thought, “He must have genuinely wanted to help me but I guess he couldn’t… If one day you’re best friend was behind bars and you were all alone on the outside.”
He gently placed his other hand on Max’s forehead to make sure he was getting better. He could see his chest rising and falling softly. It soothed him to see him so peaceful. It was as though things were back to normal again, but Max wasn’t very well at the minute and Ronnie wasn’t on drugs or drink anymore. Max was dreaming about the same person that had filled his nightmares. This was the first dream he had had in two years. He had forgotten what it felt like not to wake up covered in sweat and trembling…
Ronnie gently eased his arm away from Max’s loosening grip. He stirred slightly but didn’t wake. It was as though he hadn’t slept in weeks, which wasn’t straying far from the truth. He looked so content. So calm. It was impossible for Ronnie to want to wake him now. Tenderly wrapping his arms under Max’s lifeless body, he pulled him close to his chest and picked him up. His arms hung heavily on either side of his body. Stepping carefully on each step, Ronnie eased his way up the stairs and across the landing. He opened the thick, red door into his poster filled bedroom. His double bed had only ever been slept in on one side. The sense of relief took over him as he realised this was the first person he had ever had in his new house other than himself.
Max was soon tucked into bed and lost in a heavy sleep. After sitting at the end of the bed for a while listening to his heavy breathing, Ronnie eased out of the room and turned out the light. At last, Max was safe and free from worries…

Chapter Text

Chapter Two

The sun rose slowly behind the houses, staying dull and pale as it rested in the cold air. White frost rested on the trees. Singing loudly as they soared through the sky, the birds alerted people nearby to wake up.
Ronnie sat down at his kitchen table. He made no noise as he moved his chair. The television hummed quietly in the distance but he wasn’t able to make out any of the words. His house was only little, the front door leading in to the living room and only a few steps from the staircase that lead upstairs. Upstairs to where Ronnie had cried almost every day. Upstairs to where only last night, he had carried Max and lay him down to sleep.
Max wasn’t awake until late in the afternoon. When he woke, he had to rub his eyes to make sure that he was definitely awake. The room that surrounded him wasn’t anything he could remember. The walls were filled with posters of heavy metal bands and the carpet was a bright, immaculate white. Once he had hauled himself out of bed and clicked all of his half asleep joints, he began to look around. The bed had thick, red sheets covering it with four black pillows; a bedside table on either side. One was completely useless, of course, and had only been used to store old, useless song lyrics and story ideas.
Reaching out his long, pale arms, Max opened the curtains. He coughed as he did, as a choking cloud of dust rose into the air. The curtains had never been opened. Ronnie stayed in the house almost constantly, dedicating everything that he did to building up his career again. As the light flooded into the room, Max realised that Ronnie had left him some clothes, neatly folded on an armchair in the corner. Unfolding them, he saw what was on the t shirt and wasn’t sure how to feel. It was an old Escape The Fate shirt with a note clipped to the collar which read:
“I’ve missed you more than anything, and longed to see you more than the air I breathe. I just wish the things that happened in the past hadn’t of, so that I could have spent more time with you.”
Ronnie’s writing was almost unrecognisable on the tear smudged page. The letters were shaky and seeing how much effort he had put in, formed a sharp, agonising pain in Max’s heart.

He staggered downstairs, his body aching from head to toe. His breathing was quick and heavy as he tried to steady his nerves. Ronnie’s warm look welcomed him to reality.
“Are you feeling alright? Do you want to sit down? Is the t-shirt ok?” Ronnie’s words stumbled as they flooded from his mouth. Feeling uneasy, he ran his hands through his still tangled hair whilst staring at his feet. He shuffled them, rocking backwards and forwards on his toes.
“No, I’m alright, thanks… Sure, the t-shirts ok…” Max was sure he was going to be sick. His heart was racing again and he had the same electric feeling as when they had met yesterday. He wasn’t sure if it was a good feeling or not and was desperately trying to make sense of it. Was this normal?
“Max, you’re ill. You need to eat something, please.” Ronnie was almost begging.
The thought of food turned Max’s stomach upside down. Easing himself closer to Ronnie, he wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head against his chest. Ronnie was speechless. Max was squeezing tightly, trying to show him by his actions just how much he had missed him. It reassured him when he heard Ron’s heart beats go from racing like his, to steady.
“I love you…” The words were whispered as he mumbled into a warm, strong chest.
Ronnie breathed in deeply, as the smell of Max’s hair entered his senses. It smelled just as it had done years ago. The memories flooded both of their minds. Pulling away, Ronnie began to speak,
“You know I’d never let anything happen to you, right?”
Max smiled uneasily, “I guess I don’t, not at the minute…”
“You’re losing yourself, Max. Look at you, you’re wasting away!” He held his hand on his chest, “I’ve turned my life around, and I’ve only been able to do that, by constantly imagining you. I imagined what it would be like to finally be let out of prison and be able to feel your hugs again… They’re nowhere near like what they used to be. I remember when you could stop my breathing without even trying.”
Max didn’t know what Ronnie was trying to say to him. He stared blankly into the distance, not wanting to make eye contact but knew it would happen soon.
“Sorry if I’m confusing you,” Ronnie continued, “but it’s scaring me to see you so frail and scared…”
“I’m so sorry! I wish things had been different. I wished it had been me that went to jail every single day and still do... And, I’d nev-“
His sentence was cut short as he felt Ronnie’s lips meet his. The kiss was strong and passionate, allowing all of their emotions to be free. Wrapping his arms around his waist, Ronnie’s hands slowly crept down until they reached his buttocks. He squeezed them and giggled as he saw Max blush and hide his face. After a few minutes of longfull kissing, they let go. Their eyes were glued to each other’s, their skin burning like fire.
“I’ve always meant it when I said I loved you, I love you to fucking pieces!” Ronnie said breathlessly.
Max gazed up into Ronnie’s glistening eyes. They had never looked more alive. They were positively glowing with excitement, desire and want.
“I love you too. More than anything. Oh god, this is really happening isn’t it?”
“Are you alright? I don’t want to pressure you into this if you don’t want it…” The sparkle faded slightly as Ronnie ran his hands through his hair again, terrified that this had all been a mistake.
“The whole room’s spinning, Ronnie!” Max shouted as a smile spread across his perfect face.
“Well, there’s an easy way to fix that, Maxie!” He replied as he picked Max up, throwing him over his shoulder. Max kicked his legs violently into the air, begging to be put down in the short gasps between laughing. Running into the living room, Ronnie dived onto the sofa with Max cradled in his arms. Their breathing mirrored each other’s; quick and harsh.
“This needs to happen more often!”
“It can happen as many times as you want it to, darling.” Ronnie smiled, kissing his forehead.

Chapter Text

Rubbing his eyes, Ronnie sat up in bed, ready for the fourteenth day with Max. He reached his arm out to the side, but realised Max wasn’t there. The bed was made, with the pillows straightened, almost as though he had never slept there.
“Max?”
There was no reply. He stood up in a panic, his head spinning with worry.
“Max?” Where the fuck are you?”
Looking up, he noticed a letter that had been carefully wedged under the door. He read Max’s neatly printed writing and felt his heart sink,
“Hi baby, I’ve gone out with Craig, I’ll be back in time for tea.
Love, Maxie x”
“Oh that’s just fucking great. That tosser takes my band; then takes my fucking boyfriend two week after we get together…” Ronnie shouted as he fell to his knees. Tears flooded in his eyes. His heart pounded against his ribs as though it were trying to break out of a cage. He reached for his notepad and began to write lyrics furiously as he tried to explain his feelings…
“Caught like a fly in the web of your lies, it’s truth be told now or it’s meet your demise, and how did it feel when you held the knife that you stuck, right in my back, a thousand times?”
After two hours of angry writing and scribbling out, Ronnie stormed downstairs and threw himself on the sofa. He ran his fingers through his hair and remembered Max straightening it for him. He had waited for hours for him to brush through it all then straighten it until there wasn’t a single curl. It was a mess again today. As was his makeup, tear smudged eyeliner drowning his eyelids. He turned on the radio and was surprised when a CD began playing. Max had bought an old Escape The Fate disc for him… The tears flooded in Ronnie’s eyes again as he sat down on the floor, burying his head in his hands.

*

Max staggered into the house, the smell of alcohol strong on his breath. His eyes had a thick haze covering them and they couldn’t focus. He could barely stand. The moon shone brightly in the starless sky, a cold breeze whistling through the trees.
“Ronnie?” He slurred, laughing to himself.
Ronnie appeared, walking sternly, footsteps heavy and menacing.
“Where the fuck have you been? I wake up in the morning and you’re not there… I find a note and find out you’re with HIM. It could have been any other prick and I wouldn’t have cared but you had to pick him, didn’t you Maxie?” He yelled.
Max placed an uneasy step in front of him, shaking as he walked. He couldn’t see a thing and Ron’s voice was echoing in his ears.
“I’m gonna pass out, Ron…”
“You know what, I don’t even care. You should have thought of that before you got pissed out of your mind with him! Did you fuck him, Max? Did you?”
Max looked up, concerned. He tried to make eye contact but was far too dizzy.
“You always take things too far, Ronnie…” Max muttered as he edged closer.
“Oh, I better not break the habit, then. Get out! Run back to Craig!”
“You don’t mean that! It’s cold outside…” He looked at the floor, “I love you.”
Ronnie pointed to the door and Max crept out without looking back. He began walking, the lights of the road hurting his head. After a while, he reached Craig’s house and knocked desperately on the door. It opened almost immediately. He looked up and saw Craig looking into his eyes, panicked. Within seconds, the doorway grew further and further away and Max hit the ground. His body was shaking violently from head to toe and his chest was struggling to rise.
“Max?! Oh fuck!”
Craig grabbed his phone from his back pocket and stabbed blindly at the numbers; his heart racing faster than he thought was possible. When the paramedics came, they rushed them both into the ambulance, the blue lights flashing brightly as they raced along the empty roads.
Craig walked up and down the ward as the nurses tried to stabilise his friend. The ECG machine beeped away in the distance, the fast rhythm reminding them both just how serious Max’s condition was. The oxygen mask was filled with saliva and Max’s eyes were rolled back in his head.
“You’re going to be alright, Max. You have to be…” Craig whispered into his ear. Max stirred slightly but didn’t wake. Craig was still drunk and felt the blood pounding around his head. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end… Suddenly, Craig remembered Ronnie. He reached into Max’s pocket and dialled his number, waiting anxiously for him to pick up.
“Max? Are you ok?” Ronnie muttered sleepily, “It’s one in the morning…”
“Emm, Max is in hospital, Ron… He collapsed at my door and I had to ring an ambulance.”
“What did you do to him? Craig, what the fuck happened?!”
“I don’t want any arguments now, it isn’t the time. Max is really ill; they’ve got him on one of those breathing things.”
Ronnie’s vision blurred. He searched desperately for the light switch and threw himself out of bed.
“Thanks for looking after him, mate. Fucking hell, I never thought you’d be ringing me telling this.”
“Well, I’m not all bad. I do care about people other than myself and I’m sure you care about him a hell of a lot more than I do.”
“I guess… Cheers anyway; I’ll come up now.” Ronnie ended the call. He grabbed an old black t shirt and white skinny jeans and ran out of the door. He carried on running, willing himself not to stop until he reached Max. He imagined the Rocky theme playing but quickly dismissed the thought. The hospital doors opened automatically as he stood underneath the entrance.
“Are you alright, sir?” A nurse asked as Ronnie tried to catch his breath.
“Yeah…” He gasped, “I came to see Maxwell Green.”
The nurse smiled, trying to reassure him and led him to the emergency ward. When he saw Max lying on the bed, an IV drip in each of his wrists, his legs turned to jelly. Just as he was about to fall, Craig grabbed his arms and pulled him towards him, his chest resting against Ronnie’s back.
“Jesus! Are you ok? I’d sit down if I was you.” He led Ronnie to the seat beside Max and crouched next to him as Ron buried his head in his hands once more.
“They’ve stabilised him but they need to keep in in for a few days to run tests. Sure you’re alright, mate?” Craig asked again.
Ronnie didn’t want to speak. He wanted to close his eyes and end it all. He couldn’t stand to see Max like that, knowing he wouldn’t have ended up here if he hadn’t thrown him out.
“This is all my fault, isn’t it?” Ronnie asked, looking up.
“No, of course it isn’t your fault. Look at him, Ron, this couldn’t have been caused by anyone.”
“Thanks for staying strong, Craig. You’re a nice guy when you want to be…”
“Haha,” He laughed uneasily, “so can you. But seriously, without sounding like a pussy, if you ever need anyone, I’m here. I don’t want a band to ruin our lives… I know we’ll never be best friends but we have to try, for Max’s sake.”
The heart rate monitor screamed.
“What’s happening?” Ronnie asked desperately.
Doctors surrounded Max, each mumbling complicated medical terms. Ronnie ran out the room to catch his breath. Falling to his knees, he clasped his hands around his face. He had never been so scared; that was his boyfriend, fighting for life. Ronnie lifted his head, and watched as tears dripped from his face onto his knee. His eyes were lost in a dark shadow from crying. He couldn’t speak. He shook his head slightly, not wanting to move. Soon, the busy, heart stopping noises dimmed. The doctors left Max’s room one by one, knowing they had saved a life.
Craig stepped out into the corridor,
“There you are! I’ve looked everywhere for you. Are you alright?” He asked, approaching slowly. He held out his hand and put his arm around Ronnie as he got to his feet. “We’ll be allowed to see him soon; he’s going to be alright.”
The nurse alerted them that Max was waking up…

Chapter Text

Max’s eyes fluttered as they tried to adjust to the light. When they did, he saw Ronnie’s startled eyes staring down at him with his hand on his chest.
“Max! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean what I said! Oh God, I’ll never ever be able to make this up to you…”
Max didn’t recognise anyone. He gazed distantly, not understanding anything that the stranger was saying. The nurse tried to explain that Max’s memory might not return for a few days but told them it was important that they still tried to communicate.
“Max, hunny?” Ronnie tried again. “Don’t worry, everything will be alright. You’re in the hospital; nothing can hurt you here. “
“It’ll be alright, mate.” Craig said quietly.
Ronnie let his head flop onto the bed beside Max. He stared, terrified, into the white sheet before his eyes. Questions buzzed around his brain. What if he had explained his true feelings better? What if he had helped him upstairs and tucked him in again? What if he had shown that he cared? Would this have happened if he did?
Max hadn’t said a word. He just looked around, blankly; his face pale as the white sheets covering him.
“Help…” He whispered, his voice cracking.
“What do you need help with, Max?” Ronnie said, slowly. “Do you know who you are? Where are we now?”
Max smiled slightly then suddenly looked as though he was going to cry.
“I don’t know…” Max struggled. He held up his hand to itch his face, tugging at the wires in his nose.
“Don’t pull them! They’re making you better!” Ronnie panicked, grabbing Max’s hand and squeezing it to calm him down.
“It’s important that Maxwell gets a lot of rest now that he has just woken up. You’ll have to leave soon, sorry.”
“Can I stay with him? I’m begging you, please let me stay with him!” Ronnie begged hysterically.
The nurse contemplated the thought for a while then nodded slightly. She wasn’t happy but said that she didn’t mind as long as he was quiet and let him rest. Craig explained that he was going home and asked Ron to make sure that he got better. That hurt. That made everything seem real…
*
Max was released from hospital a week later after having been given the all clear. The cold air blew violently outside, shaking the thin tree branches. They trekked home together, keeping their heads down and gripping each other’s hand tightly. When they got in, Ronnie scooped Max into his arms again and whispered, “This is where you belong, darling. Nothing can hurt you here.”
Max smiled upwards like a new-born baby, cradled in his mother’s arms. He looked away quickly, trying to hide the fact he didn’t feel well.
“You feel ill, don’t you, love? “ Ronnie questioned, knowing the answer before he asked.
“Yeah… Sorry…”
“Do you want to go back to the hospital? They said you should go back if you feel ill again…”
“No. I’m not going back there, ever.” Max said, signalling to be put down. He struggled into the kitchen and tried to pour himself some water, his hands trembling slightly. He lifted it to his mouth, closing his eyes as it ran down his throat. Hobbling back to Ronnie, he stopped suddenly and grabbed the armchair.
“Oh FUCK!” Ronnie shouted as he ran and grabbed his waist.
Max yelped in pain, biting viciously into his bottom lip. “Shit! Don’t touch my back!”
He lifted his t-shirt to reveal a huge, black bruise swelling across his the bottom of his spine.
“Oh God, why didn’t you mention this?”
“I didn’t think it was worth it… I got it when I fell.”
Ronnie carefully placed his hands on the bruise and rubbed his thumbs up and down gently. He leaned forwards, resting his chin on Max’s low shoulder.
“Even thinking of you being in pain hurts me. I’m here to help and I can’t if I don’t know what’s wrong, love.” Ronnie reassured.
Max smiled as he cupped his boyfriend’s chin and reached upwards for a kiss. It was long and tender, their teeth clattering momentarily as it became more passionate. Carefully avoiding the bruise, Ronnie grabbed Max’s waist and thrusted towards him. They continued kissing, both aching for the same thing. Max let out tiny groans between breaths, making Ron laugh and mock him.
“You’re my bitch aren’t you, Maxie?” He joked.
He blushed and shouted, “Oh yes, and you’d better look after me, sir! Now, carry me up those stairs and make love to me!”
Ronnie grabbed Max’s hand and pulled him eagerly up the stairs. The door slammed shut and the couple prepared for a night of passion that they had both wanted from the day they met.

*
They both lay as still as a corpse but neither had felt so alive. Sweat was dripping from Ronnie's forhead, running onto the damp sheets beneath him.
"Wow." Was all that Max could manage to say. He ached from head to toe but he knew it was worth it. There were no more hidden feelings. No more treading on thin ice; that had been blown to smithereens.
Peeling himself away from the bedsheets, Ronnie went for a shower. Max was tempted to follow but he was just too shattered. Closing his eyes to reflect, he found himself drifting off to sleep and when Ron returned, Max may aswell have been in a coma.
"Bless him." Ronnie whispered before kissing his forhead. He pulled back the covers and blacked out in seconds. And so they slept...

Chapter Text

“Let’s just stay here, Max. Just let out everything you need to say to me.” Ronnie said firmly.
Their hands were tightly clasped. They were lying on the floor together in the garden, gazing up into the morning sky. Birds flew across the rising sun; the warm breeze tousling Ronnie’s straightened hair.
“I don’t know where to begin…” Max replied, squeezing Ron’s hand tighter.
“From the beginning; how long have you liked me? What was it like when I left? What happened when I was away?”
“I’ve liked you from the day we met really, but I didn’t know. I ignored it because I thought I was being stupid… God, am I sorry for that now. I think you’re perfect. You’re like an angel that’s always been there looking over me but I’ve never noticed until a few week ago. When you went into prison, it felt like my whole world had fallen apart and I realised how much you’ve changed me. When you weren’t there, I had no one to remind me that I was loved; so that made me think that I wasn’t and I ended up like this…”
“Awwwh, man. You’re a good soul, Max. I don’t deserve someone like you.”
“No you don’t… You deserve a million times better.”
Ronnie sat up, a puzzled look on his face. “You really think there’s anyone better than you out there? You need serious help, that I’ll give you, if you think you are anything less than perfect. I mean, I see you and you physically take my breath away. I wonder how I’ve stopped myself grabbing you and running away for so long… I love you.”
He leaned forward and kissed Max hard on the lips, wrapping his tattooed arms around his perfect partner. The wind blew stronger, sending a cold breeze down their spines but that was the least of their worries. They were keeping themselves warm. Keeping each-other warm.
“Fucking hell, Ron! Why are you so beautiful?” Max panted.
Laughing, Ronnie gazed down onto Max’s excited face. He couldn’t speak. There weren’t any words to describe this, even if he tried. They continued kissing each-other, not realising how fast the sun was rising and how much time was flying by. Before long, it was mid-day and all they had achieved was letting out a few feelings and made their lips ache… An awkward shout from the distance forced them to let go.
Hi, emmm can I talk with you?” It was Craig. He looked so vulnerable and scared, his hands flailing above his head to get their attention.
Ronnie rolled to the side and stared up at the sky. He was so angry; so hurt. Max kissed Ronnie’s hand before getting to his feet. He walked as quick as his injured back would allow, beginning to limp as he made the last few steps. Craig held out his hand to stop him falling, before wrapping his arm gently around his shoulders,
“I’m sorry for interrupting; I’ll go if you want me to.”
“No, there’s no need to go. What brings you here?” Max smiled, his perfect teeth biting into his bottom lip slightly.
“I came here to see Ronnie, actually… And to check up on you; are you ok?”
“I’m on the mend, I suppose. Are you really sure you want to talk to him? I don’t want any fights, Craig. If an inch of that brain wants to fight him, you can just leave now.” Max tried to sound strong but the hurt seeped through his voice.
He patted his friend on the back as carefully as he could before saying, “I won’t. You take of yourself, okay?”
Walking with shaking steps, Craig edged closer to one of his worst enemies. He could feel the tension before he even said a word. How had things ended up this bad between them?
“If that’s Craig, you can fuck off.” Ronnie protested, his back facing him like a young child. Max kept his distance, hiding his face in his hands to stop his building anxiety. There wasn’t a hope in heaven that this would end well.
“Yes it is Craig, moody arse. Calm down and look at me. I need to explain some things to you.”
Ronnie stayed silent and didn’t move…
“Right, well I’ll just say them anyway. I’m not here to say sorry to you because there’s nothing to apologize about… Bands come and go, someone else is singing my songs in Blessthefall but I moved on; I don’t care. You need to do that to, instead of lying on the floor like a fucking toddler. You’ve treat Max like shit, going into jail when you should have been there for him. Look at him for God’s sake. You don’t deserve that,” Craig shouted.
Ronnie jolted upright and held his clenched fists up to Craig’s face. He was shaking with fury but was trying to contain himself.
“Go on then, hit me. Get yourself locked up for something else because that’s how much you care about Max, isn’t it? He used to cry every night on tour for you. I heard his heart break, night after night and had to get out of bed and hold him. You caused that! You wanker; you caused that!”
They both looked like they wanted to collapse and cry; with Max on the verge of fainting again. Ronnie stared down into Craig’s eyes and saw flickering with hidden emotion in the blazing sun. He wanted to hit him so much. To feel his face against his fist and watch him fall would be heaven. He couldn’t though. All that he had said was true, even though it hurt to admit it. Standing as still as ice, they just looked at each other. Craig didn’t want to break his word to Max whereas Ronnie knew that what Mabbitt had said about going to jail was true.
“Just stop it.” Max mumbled from the background, “Just fucking stop it.”
He got to his feet, uneasily; agonising pain spreading across his body as he stumbled towards them.
“Sit down, love, please. I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me… Again.” Ronnie begged.
“It’s fine, Ron. I’m alright. Other than my bloody anxiety and my back hurting, the only thing that's wrong is you two yacking away in my ear. We're going to sort this like adults. Craig sit down and stop shouting, you said you weren't going to start a fight; but you're pretty fucking close to that if you ask me. Ronnie calm down, I'm here for you." Max blurted out between panicking breaths.
Craig obeyed him without saying a word and lowered himself to the floor, with Ronnie sitting on a chair beside him. Max sat himself gently on Ronnie's knee and smiled as he felt those reassuring arms wrap around his waist. All of their breaths matched the pace of each other’s but for different reasons. Craig was trying to think of a way to explain himself and was thinking back to his old band. Ronnie was fuming, his blood rushing around his body like a greyhound on a race track. Max was terrified, full stop. He couldn't help but feel like all of this was his fault. He was torn between two friends who were both fighting for him and it was breaking his heart.
"Right, keeping this nice and calm, we each need to explain our side of the story. Anyone that shouts is getting slapped because I'm really not in the mood for this. Ronnie first."
He wasn't expecting to have to go first. He found it hard to keep his temper under control, as the lyrics of his songs foretold.
"Fucking hell, I don't know where to begin... Imagine building up a lifestyle for yourself after your mother had left you. Imagine having everything you needed to make you happy and have it torn away from you, just like that. Okay, I admit I was a tosser, and I still am... I was always high because it was my way of releasing myself. 'I spent most of my teenage years, searching for her love. I could not find her anywhere, so I turned to drugs.' I wrote those lyrics for my mother. She fucking left me when I was a little boy. That's why all of this hurts so much more than it should. I made a band, me and my best friends doing the thing we loved, then one day, they all fucking left. When I needed them most after someone set me up, they all left. That's how much people love me, isn't it? They lie to my face, making it seem as though they don't despise me then they fucking leave me for dead. This isn't just about the band, Craig, it's everything. All my anger from when I was a kid up till now has built up inside and I can't get it out. I need help but I don't know where to get it. Max has been my soul mate since we met and even though he didn't help me in court, I forgave him in seconds. Him being in a band with you now makes me feel like complete shit..."
Ronnie had tears in his eyes and was squeezing Max as tightly as he could. It was almost stopping the blood supply to his upper body and was making his chest ache. That was okay though, that was the least of the things he should have done to him. Knocking him out and throwing him off a cliff wouldn't be enough to make up for what he had done. When his grip loosened and the blood had got back to his brain, Max sighed heavily.
"Jesus. I'm so sorry, Ronnie, I had no idea..." Craig stammered. "God I feel like such a wanker now, I wouldn't have said all that shit before if I knew about your past."
"It's alright, I guess. It was the truth, wasn't it? You wouldn't have said it if it wasn't, even if you are a two faced fuck." Ronnie said, trying to stay calm for Max.
"Ok, Craig's turn now. Let out everything you need to but no shouting." Max breathed.
"For fucks sake, I feel so shit now. Right, I'll just say what's been building up inside, but I want you to know that I respect you so much after hearing that... When I heard that you had been sent to prison, I judged you. And when I was asked to sing in the band and I got to know the members, I hated your guts for disrespecting them. I wondered why you'd get high so often when you had everything you needed to keep you happy all around you. Max seemed fine on the surface but through time I realised that he wasn't. As he opened up to me and his anxiety got worse, I realised just how much you meant to him and assumed you couldn't be as bad as I thought... When you got out, and you starting thrash talking and talking shit, I went back to my original feelings towards you. I thought you were a prick and not worth knowing. I'm sorry for that now. But with that said, when we met in the hospital, I didn't feel any anger towards you... It might have been because of the circumstances but I just didn't care about the past and focused my mind on making things better for Max's sake. Is that what you did too? Fuck, I'm sorry."
It fell silent again. Knowing each other’s feelings made everything change...
"Thank you. This is what I've wanted to hear for so long! See, shouting doesn't solve a thing. This is what makes things better. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Max lifted his arms toward the heavens. His eyes glistened in the light of the sun, glazing over with tears of relief. It had taken so long but it had finally happened. He stood up slowly and hugged them both as tightly as he could. Tears spilled down his cheeks.
"Thank you! Thank you..." He said repeatedly to himself.
Ronnie stood up and walked towards Craig before helping him to his feet. He threw his arms around the man he had hated and squeezed, letting out all of his hidden emotion through his actions. Craig hugged him back, struggling to work out what this was for. How had this happened? They hated each other a few minutes ago.
Maybe this was finally fixed... But it was impossible to say if it would last.