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English
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Published:
2025-06-20
Completed:
2025-07-01
Words:
2,585
Chapters:
12/12
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43
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My So-Called 'Diary'

Summary:

Sunshine and Casper make 5012 start a diary.

5012 documents the rebellion from his perspective.

[ AKA, 5012’s Metamorphosis Diary ]

Notes:

Written with all my love for this dumb reaper man... <3

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: Entry 0001

Chapter Text

Entry 0001, 17/12/20XX

I am not particularly interested in writing these words. Alas, I will, lest a certain sunny personality over my shoulder begin to harass me again if I stop moving this pen.

This is meant to be a journal regarding, quote, ‘my thoughts and feelings about life’. I am unsure how this note will assist me in such matters. So far, I only see a wasted piece of valuable paper— we have trouble restocking due to our… rebel activities.

‘Casper’ offered to create for me a virtual version of this process through an addition to the chat application. However, due to my concerns over its cybersecurity, I will not do so and risk information being leaked to our superiors— former superiors. (He argues that the security has improved since I hacked in; I only had to hack him again to make him cease complaining).

The sunny human behind me says no one will try to read these notes. But I will be cautious in the future nonetheless.

I believe I have been writing for long enough that I will not be bothered by them if I stop now.

Therefore I shall.

Chapter 2: Entry 0002

Chapter Text

Entry 0002, 24/12/20XX

This time, ‘Casper’ is the one behind me as I am forced to write another of these notes. He and his… partner keep referring to this as ‘forced introspection’. I do not see why they must force thought upon me, when I already think plenty enough for all of us.

I have used this argument; nonetheless, they reply that I am meant to ‘sometimes think for myself rather than others’. They refuse to budge despite my counter that I must think for others in this scenario and the individual is secondary in our cause. I think it’s because they are begrudgingly convinced but refuse to admit the reality of my words.

So far, we have been lying low to avoid the attention of our former superiors. Not a lot of activity has occurred beyond me locating a suitable hideout and securing sources of supplies (particularly supplies to sustain the human, who has extended needs compared to reapers). I will not reveal the location or quantity of supplies, but our progress is satisfactory for a team of three.

If I must use this journal to vent emotions, as ‘Casper’ behind me is grumbling about (due to his belief that I’m using this as a progress report— unfortunately I could not lie and went silent, which was enough to make him threaten to walk closer), then I will complain about his precious human.

Said human has been in low spirits due to the occurrence of the Overworld holiday called Christmas. Apparently, this holiday is something they will miss fully celebrating with ‘Casper’ due to the nature of our rebellious activities. I did not have much sympathy for the sentiment in our situation and reminded them that their soul is still a prime target. This did not improve the expression on their face.

Just a few hours ago, I caught them snogging under a plant hung in the doorway of the hideout’s kitchen. To my immense relief they were still clothed. They have both been less than clothed when I walked in before.

Writing that makes my head ache.

Chapter 3: Entry 0003

Chapter Text

Entry 0003, 30/12/20XX

Must be quick; handwriting is subpar.

We began to recruit reapers to our cause, ones that may already be inclined to assist. Under my own recommendation, we sought a certain reaper that I recall underwent disciplinary action in training.

This reaper heavily injured Casper's partner. Casper sustained lesser damage.

I admitted to my… mistake. Although this is a risk we all take.

I reexamined said reaper's history and provided a report on new behavioural considerations.

The human blinked slowly and shifted the paper aside. They said ‘I am just glad Casper is okay; he has no second chance’.

I agreed that he may have bled out from a similar wound.

We will take greater precautions in the future when contacting reapers and other entities for our cause. We are discussing what those precautions will entail.

My superiors would have discipli

They should hold me responsible when I fail.

Chapter 4: Entry 0004

Chapter Text

Entry 0004, 31/12/20XX

I must write another note today with Casper’s eyes over my shoulder, as they both think writing at least once-per-week will benefit me. I find it strange he bothered to remember this when his partner is recovering in another room.

The human will make a recovery soon enough. The strength of their soul and resistance to death are considerable, allowing the use of healing techniques that most purely human souls are unable to withstand. Yet Casper… worries and holds their hand when their frail human body needs many hours of sleep.

We reevaluated the terms of recruitment and adjusted accordingly for future outreach. Two other new recruits have been helping streamline previous tasks, such as increasing procurement of resources to sustain a larger force. Neither have acted suspiciously thus far.

I’ve taken on most of the guidance of new reapers, despite my disinclination to mentorship. I could not overly burden Casper immediately lest his injury be exacerbated. And, of course, the human is out of commission. I suppose the world is just in that I must compensate.

I have much to do besides writing. This should be enough to satisfy Casper.

Chapter 5: Entry 0005

Chapter Text

Entry 0005, 21/01/20XX

Several events stirred a disproportionate amount of activity lately.

For the sake of brevity, I will only mention that Sunshine has mostly recovered while Casper works part-time, we gained many more recruits, and I have been told that my mentorship style is unsatisfactory.

Unfortunately, I am inclined to agree with the errors identified. We are not meant to be the same militant force of our former superiors. Although I argued that some structure and rules are still necessary to maintain a functioning rebellion. Eventually, we compromised somewhere in the middle.

Fortunately, with Sunshine soon recovered alongside Casper, my duties will decrease shortly— I will no longer be a primary guide to new recruits. This is an immeasurable relief. Alas, I must do what is necessary until then.

Despite our disagreements, both Sunshine and Casper seemed… appreciative of my efforts in the last weeks. They brought me the necessary items for a ‘pizza party’ and ensured my consumption of at least one slice. The taste was chewy. And greasy.

Of course, neither of them could have rested if I were not there to cover for them. Even so, their acknowledgment did not seem warranted when I was the primary cause of their inability to operate at full capacity.

Chapter 6: Entry 0006

Chapter Text

Entry 0006, 09/03/20XX

I think being caught writing last time removed any desire that Casper and Sunshine had to remind me. To be contrary, I felt the urge to stop, hence the gap between notes. But I am seeing the merit of recording events, even within a singular point of view. Therefore I will continue at my own pace.

Activity has not slowed since the previous letter. As expected, my workload is less varied without primary involvement in recruitment, but resources are needed in far larger quantities now. This task has become mine more so than the others’, who are instead obsessively interested in ‘the psychology of successful recruitment’, helping reapers rediscover their names, and finding ways to improve the reach of our messaging. I gladly leave those duties to them.

I think procurement suits me as a task. Unlike the aforementioned aspects of the rebellion, supplies are a numbers and stealth game— and I excel at this. Perhaps to the point we don’t need more resources despite our growth…

Either way, laying the foundation to maintain our present and future force is a necessary function. I do not mind creating the groundwork for Sunshine and Casper to recruit upon, so to speak.

We recently recruited two reapers from… my own station. I’ve known them since I was a trainee myself. We did not talk, although they did acknowledge me. Both are proactive contributors. One has chosen a name already. I did not realize how much they were holding back all these years.

Many other reapers have chosen names, while some keep their number. Either way is considered acceptable for now. Sunshine wanted all reapers to ‘dig deep in their soul’ to find their name. But Casper reassured them that it was ‘okay to not have the answer’.

I am still in the latter category. I…

It’s too much to try right now. I am too busy.

Chapter 7: Entry 0007

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Entry 0007, 28/05/20XX

This time, I merely forgot to pen a letter. Managing the rebellion is increasingly tiring. Even with Sunshine and Casper alongside me, we struggle with our exponentially growing numbers.

Promoting captains was a subject of debate for the last month. Although slow-going, candidates had to be considered carefully. We finalized choices today.

Fortunately and unfortunately, telling the truth as reapers is enough to swiftly convince more of us than necessarily anticipated. Some other entities have joined as well, including demons. They are an entirely different breed of headache amongst our ranks.

Unlike with reapers, desires and passions are not foreign to demons. Many have taken it upon themselves to… reeducate reapers in these matters. Some reapers are wary while, reluctantly, many find discussions with them fascinating. Unsurprisingly, Sunshine managed to fit in and keep the demons in line— while securing access to certain spells.

Due to these additions, we are nearing the stage where our opposition cannot simply ignore the rebellion. As such, recruitment must be tighter than ever, yet still open enough for the influx of membership.

Chaos is brewing and… even after all of our tribulations, I am unsure if they will bear fruit.

Notes:

Crack Extra, 28/05/20XX

Speaking of desires… There is a certain reaper by the name of Douglas— the Second, specifically. His tissue passions continue even into joining the rebellion.

I regret including tissues on the list of supplies to obtain.

Chapter 8: Entry 0008

Chapter Text

Entry 0008, 13/06/20XX

I have not slept since approximately the last letter. Casper is angry at me.

I am writing this before I lay down.

A weak part of me sometimes wants the ease back. My old room, my old routine… my old rules. The unpredictability of our current situation is so overwhelming when I had resigned to accepted stagnation.

I find this admission distasteful even on a piece of paper. Though I refuse to tell anyone else when my doubts may influence others or undermine our work.

But I did not necessarily want to be here. The truth was forced in my face. Quite literally.

Ultimately, I will do what I must do. And I know… this is for the best. This is what should be. This is our justice, our mercy— our way forward when we stopped progressing.

I am tired though. And weary. Sometimes I wish I were a mere recruit, rather than in the ‘Founding Three’, as many call us. That way, I wouldn't be responsible for remembering so much. Our List grows only longer; our burdens only deeper.

Some sleep should soothe my momentary weakness.

I already loathe recording these pitiable thoughts.

Chapter 9: Entry 0009

Chapter Text

Entry 00089, 27/07/20XX

Long before now, we’ve been forced to terminate a few reapers in self-defense. Or mourn our own.

Sunshine doesn’t cry as openly as they used to. Casper makes an effort to know what each reaper’s number was, although he does prefer a name. He puts them on a List— no, a Memorial.

I joined Casper in remembering them a while ago. Even for the reapers I did not personally know.

The backlash of our rebellion is becoming severe. The masters of our opposition will do anything to wipe us out. They can cover the truth no longer, yet maintain the obedience of many reapers and other creatures through fear.

I understand their fear. And I do not blame them. There are no second chances for a dead reaper.

Some of our members get discouraged by an apparent lack of progress in our rebellion. Although the rebels are known to exist, we have no true power to influence reaper creation. The creation pods are well-protected, even more so now that the rebellion is acknowledged as a threat.

As such, many reapers are still mixed from human souls.

With our current size, we focused most efforts on infiltrating creation centers. Destroying or deactivating them are considered successes if possible. I am not convinced the former is a reasonable route, since we may need the pods on a consensual basis later. But I am aware that we may not have the luxury of time to disable them and reactivation is a concern if recaptured.

Our jobs have perhaps become easier in a way, however. Any reaper that remained with the organization is exhausted against us. They are severely overworked when the rebellion has taken a large amount of the active reaper force. Trainees are forced to graduate early. Even trainers and enforcers are sent out these days. Our attempt at negotiation includes bargaining our reapers’ work to alleviate soul assignments.

Thus far, we do not have a reply.

For the reapers’ sake, I… want to reach an agreement.

Chapter 10: Entry 0010

Chapter Text

Entry 0010, 10/08/20XX

I should not be writing. I can barely hold up my arms.

But I need… I need to leave a memory.

Our original stronghold was attacked. As the only Founding Three present at the time (a fact the organization gleaned from belatedly discovered spies), I was a prime target for termination.

I would not have survived without another’s death. One of my fellow Fifth Station reapers died for me— the one who didn’t yet choose a name.

6301 of the Fifth Station. That was xyr number.

No one will know xyr name.

… Xe wore a bonefish pin. Xe constantly fiddled with it in the dining hall.

The pin is in my quarters.

But there is nothing more I can do for xem.

Chapter 11: Entry 0011

Chapter Text

Entry 0011, 12/08/20XX

Casper and Sunshine came to see me in the recovery room today.

I forgot about Sunshine’s cat, although it lurked in the corners of the original base and occasionally required my attention for kibble acquisition.

They put the cat on my lap. It sniffed at me and mewed.

I stared at its small brown face.

Sunshine sighed dramatically and plopped my fingers on the cat’s scruff.

Updates regarding outside events were provided; dozens of reapers switched over to us. But Casper’s expression did not improve.

He has a keen instinct to him, Casper, although he acts a fool around Sunshine sometimes (oftentimes). His eyes widened when I said this after Sunshine went to bring lunch.

Casper then patted my shoulder. His axolotl plushie forcefully took residence behind my head.

Although our future is uncertain, I am confident that we can make a plan.

(PS: Casper may have forgotten Azrael— I tucked him more comfortably near my hip for now. Although the cat has disappeared.)

Chapter 12: Entry 0012

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Entry 0012, 05/11/20XX

Events have culminated with the organization. I ceased letters due to continued breaches into a concerning number of our safehouses. But they are not unscathed by us either.

This may be my last entry. Perhaps if a reaper in the future finds this diary, they will know we did all that we could.

Soon we will fall or soon we will prevail. I do not see another possible conclusion. If we fall, mercy will not be ours.

But I must believe in us. I must believe in Casper, in Sunshine. And myself.

Otherwise, there was no meaning to being part of this.

 

Reapers are not made to be remembered.

I hope our makers will never forget.

Notes:

Courage to Change by Sia fits well for 5012’s Metamorphosis <3

Scream about him with me in the 5012 Fanclub Discord (18+)

Would love to hear thoughts :3 (Any language welcome; translators are our friend)

Works inspired by this one: