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Finally at the hospital, Zen almost had to beg the man at the front desk to let him see V. Catching a glimpse of himself in the glass as he made a beeline to the man's room, Hyun did his best to shrug off the thoughts of how awful he looked after crying - it didn't matter at all, why did he have to keep thinking about it? - but it was like his mind went blank upon opening the door to V's room.
He was sleeping - or rather, unconscious - still, having been put into a hospital gown at some point. The older man's bandaged wrists were above the sheet blanket that covered a good portion of his body, and the left one was hooked to a blood drip.
Hyun felt like he was going to cry again.
[ZEN has entered the chatroom]
ZEN: V tried to kill himself.
Jaehee Kang: really?
[707 has entered the chatroom]
Jaehee Kang: is he okay?
ZEN: yeah. I guess.
707: kinda rude to leave me to deal with the cops zen
[Jumin Han has entered the chatroom]
Jumin Han: Luciel alerted me that the burglar alarm in V's home went off.
ZEN: I tripped it
ZEN: had to kick the door down to get in
707: Mister super dramatic action star Zen
707: saving the deadbeat daddy of the RFA.
Jaehee Kang: ...
Jumin Han: "deadbeat"?
ZEN: how can you joke right now?
707: srry
707: it's easier to think about it when it's a joke
Jaehee Kang: God…
ZEN: Do you even care about any of this?
707: ....
707: do you want me to be honest?
ZEN: YES. It's impossible to get a straight answer from you otherwise!!
707: I'm not sure I give a shit anymore.
707: after all he did to me and the people I care about
707: Why should I care if he dies?
Jaehee Kang: Luciel, I understand your frustration, but…
707: No you don't.
707: You don't know anything about me. You don't even know my name.
707: "Luciel".
707: What a joke.
[707 has left the chatroom]
Jumin Han: Hyun.
ZEN: what?
Jumin Han: I'll be calling you shortly.
[Jumin Han has left the chatroom]
Jaehee Kang: ….
Jaehee Kang: I think Mr. Han is upset.
ZEN: I guess that'd make sense.
ZEN: But why's Seven so pissy?
Jaehee Kang: I assume it has something to do with that "Mint Eye" foundation.
Jaehee Kang: Maybe he knows one of the former members?
Jaehee Kang: If someone I cared about was in a cult, and a person I trusted the way Luciel trusted V was lying about it…
Jaehee Kang: I think I'd be furious.
ZEN: I guess…
ZEN: oh, there goes my phone
ZEN: Guess I should take this…
Jaehee Kang: Go ahead, Zen.
[ZEN has left the chatroom]
He stared at the screen for a second and took a deep breath before picking up, taking a wayward glance at V as he stepped out of the room.
"Hey Jumin."
"I have a few questions."
He didn't sound any different than he normally did. Maybe he wasn't mad after all?
"Shoot."
"How is V?"
Another glance back at the room. "He's unconscious right now. The EMT I spoke to said he wasn't gonna die or anything, he just lost a lot of blood."
"I see."
A pause. He was about to open his mouth when Jumin beat him to it.
"Why do you think he did it?"
The man's voice was soft, like he was scared of waking someone. Hyun had never heard him talk like that before.
"... I think it's because he thought we were leaving him."
"It sounds like Yoosung and Luciel are leaving."
"Yeah.”
Silence again.
“Will you leave?”
The other man didn't respond for a long time, and Hyun was about to repeat himself when Jumin finally answered.
“I don't know.”
His voice was still soft.
"Which hospital is it?"
"Seong-yang."
Was Jumin going to come see Jihyun? It was hard to picture the guy in a hospital, but he was sure V would be happy to see - hear? - him.
"I'll have to make some calls, but there should be an ophthalmologist coming in the next few hours."
"Opthama-what?"
"Ophthalmologist. An eye doctor. The one I recommended V to."
"When did he agree to do the surgery?"
"He didn't."
Jumin's voice was dripping with something. Smugness? Spite? Both?
"If V wants to be selfish, I'll be selfish too."
"I don't really think this counts as being selfish…"
"I think it does. I know he has his reasons for saying no, but I don't care anymore."
He was quiet for a while. "This isn't like you."
"Maybe you're right."
For a second, Zen thought he'd somehow changed the man's mind.
"But I am sick and tired of him agonizing over something he won't do anything to change. If this is how I can stop him from it then that's what I'll do."
Zen let out a frustrated sigh. "Isn't this illegal or something…?"
"It's for his own good, so I'm sure the doctor won't mind. I'll pay him extra as well."
“That really isn't the problem Jumin.”
“Really? It's the only one I can think of.”
“You—”
“If you'll excuse me.”
“Jumin—”
The line went dead, and Hyun scoffed. Insufferable even when he was helping.
When Jihyun opened his eyes, he could make out individual panels in the ceiling.
He blinked. Again. And again. And again. Nothing changed other than a beeping noise becoming more frequent. Turning his head to the side, the man could see what looked like numbers on a screen, though he couldn't quite focus his eyes enough to read them.
He fought the urge to scream, and failed.
"V! Is everything alright?! What's wrong?"
Hyun stumbled into his room and Jihyun could feel his eyes attempting to refocus to land on the man, taking in more details of his face than he'd been able to in years, even if it was still somewhat blurred.
"You– I can see you!"
The panic on Hyun's face quickly shifted into excitement. "Really? Then it worked!"
"What are you talking about?"
"The surgery! The– the cornea transplant!"
His heart sank. "Who… how did you…"
"Jumin figured it all out, not me. He, um… He said he was sick of you being selfish.”
The older man inhaled sharply, and Hyun frowned.
“What's wrong? Aren't you glad to be able to see again?”
V remained silent for a moment before looking away, unable to face the man as he answered.
“No.”
Zen almost immediately grabbed him by the shoulders, turning his body so that Jihyun was forced to face him again.
“Why?!”
“I—”
“Rika isn't here for you to have to prove yourself to anymore!”
“Hyun—”
“You can move on with your life! You— you can take photos again! Why the fuck wouldn't you want that for yourself V?!”
Zen looked angry. Desperate. Jihyun felt his throat tighten.
“It was… it was supposed to be atonement. For everything I've done to hurt you a—”
“That's bullshit V! You know it is!”
The firm hands pressing down on his shoulders had so much force in them now that Jihyun was in pain.
“Why do you always have to martyr yourself?! You've suffered enough already, goddammit! You're not hurting yourself; you're just hurting everyone else now!”
“You're hurting me, Hyun…”
His words were barely above a whisper but the albino still heard them somehow, immediately letting V go with an unreadable expression.
An uncomfortable silence filled the air between them, neither knowing what to say or do anymore. Eventually, Hyun rose to his full height and stepped back from the hospital bed.
“I can't be around you right now, V. I'm too mad.”
“... I'm sor—”
“Stop it.”
Short and firm. Hyun picked up a leather jacket that had been hastily slung over a chair at some point.
“I'll be back in a few hours. Don't do anything reckless… please.”
Without waiting for a response, Zen walked out of the room and shut the door.
Hyun wanted to go for a ride. He wanted to pick up his motorcycle and drive as far away from V and Mint Eye and the RFA as he possibly could… but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He wouldn't. There was no way he could leave Jihyun without anybody in his corner, even if he was doing the stupid martyr thing again.
So instead he shoved his helmet on - at some point V had finally succeeded in convincing him to get and wear one regularly - and sped off to his normal spot to try and cool off.
[V has entered the chatroom]
V: I'm aware that my presence here is probably unwanted… I just wanted to apologize again.
V: I know that what I've done is unforgivable to many people, for many reasons.
V: I don't want to hurt anyone like that ever again.
V: So I will be stepping down as head of the RFA.
V: It isn't right for me to keep that level of power given everything I've done… I can only hope that you will all allow me to remain a member of the association, though I won't hold any grudges if I'm no longer welcome. It makes perfect sense.
Yoosung★: You're just running away again.
V: Oh… I didn't realize you were here, Yoosung.
Yoosung★: You won't even deny it?
V: ...
V: I can't.
[Yoosung★ has left the chatroom]
V: I'm sorry, everyone.
V: I'm so sorry.
His phone began to vibrate, and there was a ringtone that he hadn't heard in years.
[V has left the chatroom]
“Yoosung…?”
“You're a fucking asshole.”
He blinked, confused. “... Was that why you–”
“You think you can lie to everyone, cause all this pain, and just run away from it as soon as it gets difficult?!”
He couldn't say anything. What was there to say? Yoosung had already said it before: apologizing did nothing. It'd likely just make the younger man angrier.
“You're pathetic.”
The call was over just as quickly as it had begun, and Jihyun could do nothing but stare down at his unfocused hands.
Zen was in the hospital’s gift shop almost three hours later, trying to find something that V might like. Trinkets and stuffed bears holding Get Well Soon hearts seemed ridiculous given everything that had happened, and he had no idea what kinds of books the other liked to read.
… He didn't know much about V at all.
It was while he was reflecting on that fact that he came across a set of stuffed animals in a corner. They were all round, morphing the animals into strange overinflated balls. Hyun picked up one that seemed to be a deer. He knew that was Jihyun’s favorite animal, it was one of the few things that Zen was privy to.
Hopefully V liked gag gifts: this thing looked hideous.
When the albino returned to V’s room with the peace offering wrapped up in his jacket, the other was sitting in the dark staring at his phone.
“Geez, you just got surgery to fix your eyes and you're already making them worse!” Hyun attempted to tease as he turned the lights on in the room, and smiled at the older man. It fell when he noticed the redness in his eyes. Had he been crying? “What's wrong?”
Jihyun didn't respond, instead just shaking his head. Zen didn't really know what to do; today was the most vulnerable he'd ever seen V in the entire time they'd been friends.
Were they friends? Friends didn't keep secrets like the ones Jihyun did from each other, did they? Part of him wondered if this was just Jihyun feeling sorry for himself again, but… did that really even matter?
After putting the wrapped jacket down in the chair next to the bed, the albino caught a glimpse at the man's phone as he went to sit next to him: it was open to a picture of V, Yoosung, and… Rika.
“I miss when things were simple.” Jihyun's voice was strained, even more so from how quietly he spoke. “Before everything went wrong.”
The silence between them felt like it stretched for miles. But eventually Zen leaned in and lightly bumped their shoulders together.
“I miss it too.”
V didn't move, which… at least probably meant he didn't hate the physical contact? He still wasn't talking though… Hyun wondered if he'd made a mistake by saying anything. Maybe this was one of those times you were supposed to silently offer support.
“Is it my fault that it fell apart?”
Oh. Fuck.
“Uh…”
How did you answer that under normal circumstances? How the hell did you answer it when the person asking is suicidal? He didn't even know everything about what happened, how the fuck was he supposed to make a judgement call on that?
“... I don't think… that it's entirely your fault.”
Zen was putting a lot of focus into choosing the right words - he didn't want to make things worse, but he also didn't want to lie just to placate the older. “You definitely should've told someone what was happening, especially once… you lost your sight, but… at the end of the day, Rika is still the one who did those things.”
It was hard to get the words out; there was this constant fear that he'd say the wrong thing, and that it would send Jihyun spiraling again, but… he needed to hear it, apparently. He was the one who asked. “And, y'know, maybe we should've checked in more. I don't… know if you would've told us anything anyway, but… you both might not’ve felt so alone that way? Agh, I dunno…” Reaching up to scratch at his scalp as he thought, Zen… noticed that V had settled next to him with his head on the albino's shoulder, phone placed face down on the bed. Huh. He almost looked content.
“Thank you.” The older softly said, eyes closed. “Ever since the beginning, I felt like I needed to fix these things myself. That if she got worse, it was my fault. That everything she did… was a reflection on me. Her recovery was my responsibility. She was my responsibility. I still feel like she is.”
“Well… she's not. Our only responsibility is ourselves, yknow? Like… we can help others, but that doesn't make them our responsibility.”
The man nodded quietly and didn't speak again, so… Zen went ahead and relaxed too. For once the silence actually felt comfortable; he wasn't struggling with how to react or respond, just… taking in each other's presence.
At least he thought it was just a comfortable silence until he felt drool on his shirt about ten minutes later.
Cute… RAAGH that was besides the point! Hyun carefully laid V back down in the hospital bed, and unwrapped his jacket to place the deer abomination on top of his phone on the bedside table after pulling the sheet back over him.
Zen sat and watched the older sleep for… a little bit longer than he'd like to admit, then silently headed back home, feeling a bit lighter than he did at the start of the day.
Once Jihyun was discharged two days later, Zen insisted that V stayed in his apartment with him - “at least for a while”. And V couldn't bring himself to say no.