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2016-04-27
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What We Deserve and Need

Summary:

- After staring at Gabriel for far too long, Jesus turns sharply and moves to sit down on the front row on their right. Gabriel follows him and sits on Jesus' right.
"There was actually a reason I came", Jesus confesses. He leans his elbows on his knees and rubs his hands together before crossing them. Gabriel holds his hands on his lap and looks at Jesus with a questioning look.
"Yes?" he asks.
"I'm listening."

Work Text:

Jesus walks along the silent, empty roads of Alexandria. Yesterday they returned from the trip to stop the Saviours, and everyone’s a bit jumpy. Expect Rick and his family. They have seen worse, Jesus is sure. He walks his hands in his pockets, his beanie on his head and hair softly swayed by the wind. It’s an early evening and people prefer being inside. He sees Morgan playing with his stick again, Jesus thinks it looks kind of funny.
Jesus has his usual, soft smile on his face, but he isn’t entirely over the whole massacre thing yet. It was something he hasn’t done or really seen before. Sure, the Saviours have killed people from Hilltop, but this was different.

Jesus ends up by the church, and seeing it reminds him of the conversation in the car between father Gabriel and Tara. The conversation didn’t only open Jesus’ eyes about how lucky one can be in a world like this to have someone to love, but also the fact that Gabriel isn’t one of those priests who despise people who don’t happen to be heterosexual. It makes Jesus smile and feel happy, and maybe a little bit curious. The first time Jesus saw the priest he remembers thinking; “Funny, I’m nicknamed Jesus and he’s a priest” but also; “God, isn’t he handsome.”

Jesus steps a bit closer, he could see lit candles from the church's open door. Jesus is trying to decide, whether he should go in or not. Jesus is one of those get-straight-to-the-point-kind of guys, and he feels like he could just walk in and tell Gabriel he's handsome and he finds him interesting. But maybe Gabriel doesn't like him? Or maybe Jesus' confession makes him uncomfortable? Jesus really should think about the consequences in this one. He doesn't want the man to feel uneasy whenever near him, especially now as Alexandria and Hilltop are working together for the greater good.

"Jesus?"

Jesus snaps from his thoughts, subconsciously he had walked right before the church, just steps away from the door. Gabriel is standing by the door, his hand on the doubledoor's right one's handle. He's probably going to close the doors for today. Jesus stares at him for a few seconds, which feels like minutes. Gabriel's lips curve into a smallish smile and he gives a soft little chuckle. Jesus can't help adoring that bright smile. Something in it makes his insides turn.

Gabriel isn't sure why Jesus is staring at him, but he doesn't really feel bothered by it.
"Is there something I can help you with?" he asks, and Jesus clears his throat.
"Oh, nothing really... I was just planning on visiting you", Jesus answers him, Gabriel leans his head on side a bit.
"The doors are always open", Gabriel says and moves a bit from the way to let Jesus in. The man takes his hands behind his back and steps in the church, smiling brightly to Gabriel as he passes him. Gabriel stares back into his eyes, and even after him for a moment. He closes the other door, but leaves the other open. He walks behind Jesus, who turns around as he reaches the front row. He looks at Gabriel asking: "Is it strange for you to call me Jesus?"

Gabriel chuckles softly and shakes his head.
"Not at all. It is a name, like every other name", Gabriel answers and stops next to Jesus, looking back at him. Jesus nods. After staring at Gabriel for far too long, Jesus turns sharply and moves to sit down on the front row on their right. Gabriel follows him and sits on Jesus' right.
"There was actually a reason I came", Jesus confesses. He leans his elbows on his knees and rubs his hands together before crossing them. Gabriel holds his hands on his lap and looks at Jesus with a questioning look.
"Yes?" he asks.
"I'm listening."

Jesus hums and lifts his hands before his mouth, thinking for a moment. Why is this so hard? Usually he's able to just throw in whatever he had to say, but now... Gabriel looks at him, frowning just lightly. Jesus can't bring himself to say what he wanted to say, so he decides to start with something different. He turns his head to face Gabriel and asks: "That man in the grass. Your first human kill?" God, that was a bad starter. Well, what is said is said. Gabriel's smile fades just a little as he leans back a bit, but he doesn't turn his eyes off of Jesus.
"Yes", he answers.
"How are you holding up? Killing a human is always hard..." Jesus talks, lowering his hands back down. Gabriel shakes his head and looks away, wondering for a moment.
"I'm fine", he says and faces Jesus; "I never thought I'd have what it takes to kill someone. But if I hadn't had done that, our group would've been in danger. I did it, so others would be a bit safer."
"You fight for your family. Safety in numbers", Jesus says, and Gabriel nods; "Something like that."

"You're a great guy, Gabriel", Jesus says, his heart starting to beat faster. He's getting closer to the subject he came to discuss about with Gabriel. The priest smiles.
"You're a good man too, Jesus", he says, making Jesus chuckle softly. That sounds funny, even Gabriel chuckles at it. Before anything else reaches to happen, Jesus blurts out: "I want to kiss you."

Gabriel frowns, but it is not a bad frown. He still holds that smile on his face. Or it is kind of a smile, a confused one. Gabriel leans his head on side and asks: "What was that?" Jesus takes a deep breath and starts: "Well, I already started, so I can't back off anymore." He clears his throat and turns towards Gabriel, sitting straighter and hands signing while he speaks.
"I think you're a handsome, smart man, Gabriel. From what I've seen, no matter the fact we've known for such a short time, you are a man who cares for his family. I've seen how you handle Judith, how you listen and help people around here... You give them hope. You fulfill your part in this group, you keep us safe." Those words leave Gabriel wondering; he wasn't a good man in the beginning. He was more of a nuisance than help to this group.

Gabriel listens to him closely, however. He looks straight into his eyes, never looking away.
"And... I've also noticed, that there isn't anyone for you. I mean- there isn't a girlfriend, boyfriend... There isn't anyone for me either", Jesus continues and pokes his own chest with his his fingers.
"In a world like this... I think, even the smallest act could really lighten up this grey, cold world. It doesn't have to mean anything, it can only be a friendly kiss, or something... We deserve that, we... need that. Something to remind us of the goodness in the world."

Gabriel nods and looks away with his eyes, but returns them to Jesus then. Jesus is very stressed, what if Gabriel turns him down? That thought is a vain one, for Gabriel reaches to take Jesus' hand in his own. He smiles to him and says: "That was beautiful." Jesus cups Gabriel's hand inside of his own hands and moves just a bit closer.
"So... that's a permission?" Jesus asks, just to be sure, and Gabriel nods again. His smile is like the sun in a dark valley, Jesus gets butterflies every time he sees it. Jesus licks over his lips and starts coming closer, but he is struck by some kind of panic. He is really going to kiss Gabriel. Is this even happening?

Gabriel can see Jesus hesitate. He's excited, and a bit scared too, his heart is racing in his rib cage. But you can't really stop now, can you? Gabriel bites on his lower lip and proceeds. He takes his free hand behind Jesus' neck, fingers tangling with his hair, and pulls the man into a kiss. They both close their eyes automatically when their lips touch. This is surely something they both needed. And so not just a friendly kiss. Jesus can feel Gabriel move closer, their thighs are touching. Gabriel's thumb brushes behind Jesus' ear. Jesus removes his other hand from the cup and wraps it around Gabriel's shoulders.

Jesus deepens the innocently started kiss, and for his luck, Gabriel is into it as well. Soon, the kiss is not so innocent anymore. The two men are already changing a bit of saliva, their hands wander around each other's bodies. Gabriel's other hand is still on Jesus' neck, the other is resting on his side. Jesus' other arm is around Gabriel's shoulders, and the other is softly stroking the father's thigh. This continues- for how long now? Neither of them know, but it doesn't matter.

When finally comes the time to stop the kiss, both of them are softly gasping for air. They never go further than a few inches, their eyes locked on each other's. Gabriel leans his forehead on Jesus' and evens his breath. He smiles.
"Thank you", he whispers so softly Jesus hardly hears it. Gabriel places a kiss on Jesus' lips, a quick one, before softly leaning his head down and kissing his forehead. Wait, is he sobbing?
"Thank you", he repeats with a soft sob and pulls back. Now they are sitting face to face, and Jesus is smiling brightly too.
"Thank you", Jesus answers and strokes over Gabriel's cheek a couple of times.

"Thank you."