Archive of Our Own ^beta

In the comfort of his room, Seonghwa stares at the newly installed application on his phone. A dating app. Was he really that desperate?

He sighs, scolding himself internally. Dating apps aren’t for desperate people, that’s just a stupid misconception. Yeah, the process of finding a soulmate on such an application can be tedious and nearly impossible, but sometimes it’s a great way to meet new people with different hobbies or who work in various fields.

But this dating app was different from the ones available to the public eye. A few weeks ago, he was invited to an exclusive after-party related to a fashion show he attended. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a plus one. Hongjoong had declined him, so he didn’t know who else to ask. 

This brought him to the current situation: people kept asking him if he was single or not. After receiving some well-deserved compliments, someone slipped him a card with a QR code, which was an invitation to this exclusive-for-celebrities dating app.

He didn’t even know such a thing existed, but it made sense. The dating scene as an idol was never easy, always sneaking around, scared of hidden cameras. Searching out in public brought the uncertainty of not knowing what to expect from the other person. Were they genuinely interested or just another obsessed fan knowing every single detail about the artist’s life? And a normal app wouldn’t work because of too many catfishes.

Not that he has experimented with it. They don’t necessarily have a dating ban, but finding someone takes time, which Seonghwa never had. Unfortunately, he was feeling lonelier as time passed.

What was he looking for? A relationship? Sex? Having someone to talk to who understood him? He doesn’t know. What he is certain of is that the only person he has a great connection with is Hongjoong. Yes, all his members are great people, he wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. He would fight for them.

But what Seonghwa feels for Hongjoong is… different. They see eye to eye. They understand each other with no words involved. And Hongjoong is… he is caring, he is kind, he knows how to protect the people that he cares about the most.

Seonghwa catches himself smiling dumbly, thinking about Hongjoong. 

He has a crush on his best friend. Sue him.

Seonghwa sighs again. He’s tried for so long to ignore what he feels for Hongjoong. He is aware that it’s impossible to have more than this beautiful friendship with him. And he is ok with that. He would never open the dating topic with him anyway. Hongjoong was too reserved when it came to it. Plus, it would ruin everything, make things awkward. And Seonghwa is almost certain the other would never like him the same way. 

So it’s just better to push these thoughts somewhere in the corner of his mind to revisit them from time to time when he allows himself to be delulu before falling asleep.

But this doesn’t mean he will wait around forever until some miracle happens... He has to eventually find someone and become that person’s hopeless romantic that everyone accuses him of being.

Fuck it. Seonghwa presses the ‘Create Account’ button. 

He finds some pictures where his body looks good, cropping out his face from the pics… Seonghwa hesitates. Would anyone swipe to a faceless profile? 

He shrugs. It's supposed to be a celebrity-only app, so it should be expected of them to want to be as anonymous as possible. He presses the ‘Next’ button. 

He’s in.

The app welcomes him with someone’s profile on the home screen, and he sees abs. Seonghwa throws the phone somewhere in the bed, blushing. Is he actually doing this??

He retrieves the phone to swipe right. He does that for a few people. As anticipated, most of them had nicknames to be cryptic, but a lot of users shared their real names. Seonghwa was surprised to see some familiar faces, even idols from the industry.

‘Free swipes are over!’ pops up on the screen. Seonghwa is a bit disappointed, but he feels like there is no need to invest in the app right away. He closes it and finally goes to sleep, trying not to dream about a perfect life with his best friend once again.

~~~

“Seonghwa, can you look into Hongjoong's eyes? Yes, like that!” The photographer says, taking another series of pictures. 

Seonghwa listens to the indication, even though it is so hard for him not to blush. Today is their photoshoot day, and it was Matz unit's turn. Seonghwa loves taking pictures, being in the centre of attention, but right now his tummy is doing stupid flips as Hongjoong doesn’t break eye contact.

“Ok, it’s perfect, you two can take a break for now,” the photographer says, going back to the crew, checking on the pictures.

They finally break eye contact, and it’s a painful relief. Seonghwa tries to recollect himself.

“Why were you looking at me like that?” Hongjoong went to the side, returning with two bottles of water, handing one to Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa almost chokes. “Like what?” He is internally panicking, chugging more water to avoid the truth. “You heard the instructions! I'm doing my job here.”

Hongjoong chuckles. “What are you trying to say, that I'm not?”

“I'm being a professional here, don't interrupt my flow,” Seonghwa answers almost serious.

Hongjoong laughs. “You're such an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“Look, the photographer is coming back.” With those words, Hongjoong discards his water bottle and returns to the set. 

Seonghwa watches the younger attentively. It hurts, it hurts so bad that he will never be able to tell him his true feelings. And he knows it’s wrong to think about him in that way, but he just can’t control it. He can’t control his emotions or his thoughts.

Hongjoong looks back at him and sticks his tongue out. Seonghwa chuckles, finally joining him on the set. It's insane how their ‘captain’ is a goofball only when it's just the two of them.

“You two are a bit stiff. I need some physical contact,” the photographer instructs, waiting for them to move. 

Seonghwa gulps… Physical contact?... 

Before finishing the thought, Hongjoong puts a hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder, looking intensely into the older’s eyes with a dark look, almost dirty. Seonghwa can't look away, he's hypnotised, pulled in, like a sailor following the siren’s song to his doom.

“Yes, like that.” More shutter clicks are audible in the air. 

But Seonghwa isn't focusing on that anyway. Instead, he raises his chin to prove that he still is the taller one, the one who could be in charge. He tries so hard not to look at the younger’s lips, he needs a medal for his self-control.

And Hongjoong smirks. He fucking smirks and Seonghwa is so gone, putting all his efforts into calming down the internal voice panicking in his head, distracting himself from how easily he could be turned on right now.

“Ok, boys, we're good for today. The pics are great, thank you!” The photographer finally says, and reality hits Seonghwa.

Hongjoong breaks all physical and emotional contact he had with Seonghwa and turns to bow, thanking the crew. The older does the same thing on autopilot. 

Seonghwa follows Hongjoong to the changing room like a lost puppy. “What are you doing afterwards?” he asks.

“I have some things to do back at the company, you?”

Seonghwa tries to read him, Hongjoong’s calm expression not giving away what is hidden behind those dark eyes. What Seonghwa felt was only one-sided, wasn’t it? As it always is.

“Ah, ok… I’m going home for now. I was wondering if you wanted to go together.”

“Sorry… Maybe next time?”

Seonghwa nods. He got the message.

They part ways, and Seonghwa is so… so frustrated! How can he be this stupid, longing for something that will never happen, hanging on an impossible ‘maybe’? He knows he should just stop, focus on something else, on someone else. 

Yet, he can’t get him out of his head. It’s so annoying! It’s his best friend, he shouldn’t be thinking about this. They have a great connection, they are great together as they are, and most likely… no, surely it’s only one-sided! And it will forever be like this.

Now he’s horny and frustrated and he really needs a distraction. Seonghwa unlocks his phone and remembers the dating app. He opens it, hoping that at least one person would want to make nonsensical conversation so he can divert his mind from the current predicament.

After some swipes left and right, Seonghwa has some matches, but nothing that interesting. 

But a weird message catches his eye, making him open the empty conversation.

Seonghwa is a bit confused. Who would start a conversation with that? A typical username was missing, just an ‘8’ at the top of the screen. Seonghwa looks at the profile again. And blushes. Yeah, he remembers why he swiped right on him.

that…
 was a bad pickup line

did it work?

not really
maybe?

well you have the body of an idol
so i thought you might be a singer

you’re weird

it’s ok, you don’t have to tell me that
but really, you have a nice body

thank you
you do too

thanks
if it makes you feel better, i am an idol
if you even believe me
i promise i am not a bot

i don't know if i believe you
i need proof

A few seconds later, Seonghwa receives a picture. He throws his phone on the other side of the bed. He retrieves it, looking at the pic again: a prominent outline in the other's trousers.

8
is that proof enough?

ShiningStar
could be
and yeah, i am an idol too

knew it

this app is so weird

first time using it?
yeah, it's pretty weird
but it's fun meeting people on here

even when they don't have a name?

fair enough 
call me jack

jack?
ok?

what's wrong with my name?

it feels like you just thought about it
‘jack off’

you're funny, ngl
I just love Jack Sparrow
satisfied?

not really, not yet
how are we supposed to do this?

do what? 
ah, did my pic make you interested?

a bit :)

can i see?

Seonghwa hesitates. He’s a bit nervous, but too horny to actually care right now. Screw Hongjoong. He doesn’t need him. He can just have fun online with a stranger.

And oh, what fun he had. This ‘Jack’ was a sweet talker, he knew how to say just the right words. Even though everything happened behind a screen, Seonghwa wouldn’t say no to repeating the experience.

~~~

Luckily, Seonghwa’s interaction with Jack wasn't only a one-time thing. They started texting casually, exchanging messages whenever their schedules allowed it. Days started to become brighter as Seonghwa now has someone outside his comfort zone to talk to.

Seonghwa found out more things about the other man, which made him even more interested. They are both the same age, being idols in the industry. The guy didn’t want to tell him the company name, so he wouldn’t throw Seonghwa off. Ironically, he is a producer, and Seonghwa instantly thought of Hongjoong. Maybe he does have a type.

They bonded easily, conversation flowing naturally. His match liked adding spicy comments or thoughtful compliments to make Seonghwa blush randomly.

“Are you guys texting each other?” Wooyoung's sudden words interrupt Seonghwa's typing. He was almost giggling from the exchanged messages with Jack.

“What?” 

“Yeah, hyungs, you haven't paid attention to us at all,” San adds.

San and Wooyoung asked their hyungs to join them at lunch. The four of them were sitting at a table in this new restaurant they had been wanting to try for weeks. 

“I'm writing lyrics, don't interrupt me,” Hongjoong says with a straight face, still typing.

“Right now?”

“Never doubt the creative process,” Hongjoong answers San, but then puts his phone on the table, looking through the menu.

Seonghwa receives a new message, but decides to leave it for later. “I was texting my mom.”

“Sure,” San scoffs.

“You don't know how to lie, hyung,” Wooyoung adds.

Seonghwa ignores the accusation and changes the subject, making Wooyoung talk enthusiastically about some new dance moves he’s been trying to perfect. 

Seonghwa isn’t fully listening, focused on Hongjoong as the man checks his phone, sighs, then pockets it. Hongjoong doesn’t know how to lie either. To be fair, Seonghwa hasn’t been paying that much attention to him lately, but now he could’ve sworn he was also texting someone.

It’s weird. Seonghwa still feels that spark towards his best friend, but it isn’t the same anymore. He’d rather talk more to this stranger he’s met online than still cling to daydreaming about an ideal life. He could even try to talk to other people on the app. Although no one has intrigued him that much as Jack did.

As he got home, he had more time to text. Luckily, the other was available too.

8
tell me something random about you

ShiningStar 
i like collecting lego figures

ah, that's so cool
my best friend does that too

oh really?? 
i love the star wars series!

oh… he does too
i think you'd be great friends

maybe you could introduce me to him 
some day

maybe I could 
but then you'd be both nerds
talking about lego
and i would be left out

then tell me something you like doing 

i’m into fashion 
upcycling
reforming clothes
crafts
i like being creative

oh, you need to show me your pieces one day
you know, I'm also a model
sometimes

of course you are, with that body
i bet your face is as pretty 

your expectations are too high
i don't want to disappoint you

then you gotta prove to me that you won't :)

Seonghwa feels a bit nervous. He is scared of actually breaking the bubble, this space they have created. It’s familiar, it’s comfortable. But at the same time, he is very curious to meet the person behind all these confident words. He could almost bet his match is a dork in real life.

~~~

ShiningStar
what would you be doing right now if you weren’t an idol?

8
wdym?
as a job or?

no, i mean right now
ugh, i have a day off today
and i feel like i’m stuck inside
i’m scared someone might recognise me if i go out

ahh, i get what you mean
i’d probably like to travel somewhere
no managers
no cameras
just me and the landscapes

that sounds like the dream
i love travelling
i like planning everything to its last detail

ugh i hate planning
i’d rather take a random train
and see where i end up

that sounds so dangerous
i couldn’t go anywhere without a plan

well i think 
we’d be a great match if we went somewhere together

“Who are you talking to?” Wooyoung asks Seonghwa out of nowhere, startling him. He sneaked behind him, hovering above his shoulder where Seonghwa was sitting on the couch.

“No one” Seonghwa jumps, hiding his phone. “What are you doing here??”

“What, can’t a neighbour visit?” Wooyoung teases, sitting next to Seonghwa on the couch. “I’m looking for San. But you didn’t answer my question.”

Seonghwa sighs, hesitating.

“Oh, come on, I won’t tell anyone.”

Seonghwa raises an eyebrow.

“Not even San, I promise.”

“Oh, that’s huge, hiding something from San,” Seonghwa chuckles.

“Shut up, hyung! So, who is it?” Wooyoung asks in his typical gossipy tone.

Seonghwa rolls his eyes. He knows Wooyoung wouldn’t let this go easily. “It’s a guy I met…”

“Oh, really?” Wooyoung shifts his position, showing he is interested. ”And how is he?”

Seonghwa smiles, thinking about his match. “Well, we haven’t met in real life yet. But I can say that he’s so sweet, and kind, and thoughtful. And of course, he has a killer body. We usually fall into deeper conversations, he’s so easy to chat with.”

Wooyoung’s smile grows with Seonghwa’s. “Oh, that’s so nice, hyung! I’m happy for you, really!”

Seonghwa chuckles. “Thank you. I still can’t believe the fact that he’s a real person.”

“How long have you two been talking for?”

“I don’t know, a month or so…”

“And you met him online?”

“Yeah, on a dating app.”

“Dating app?“ Wooyoung seems intrigued. ”Let me see.”

Seonghwa shows him the application on his phone. 

“Oh wow, how did you have access to it? It’s so hard to get in, as far as I know. I think there’s only one other person that I’ve seen having it.”

That piqued Seonghwa’s interest. “Who?”

Wooyoung makes big eyes, slapping his mouth, realising he’s made a mistake.

“Wooyoung?”

“I’m not allowed to tell.”

Seonghwa raises an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, don’t force my hand now… Please, don't…”

Seonghwa keeps looking insistently at him.

“Ughh… you’re twisting my arm here… Fine! It was Hongjoong hyung, but you do not know this information, especially from me.” 

Seoghwa’s stomach drops. Hongjoong is… on this dating app? No, wait… 

That means-

That means Hongjoong is trying to find someone to date. Seonghwa feels anxiety creeping inside. 

Before he manages to process this information, Wooyoung gets up, leading his steps to San’s bedroom door. “In fact, you never saw me.”

“Who are you again?” Seonghwa tries to joke, keeping a fake smile on his face until Wooyoung disappears behind the door. His mood drops the moment the door closes. 

Of course Hongjoong would be using a dating app. Why wouldn’t he? He might even already be dating someone. Seonghwa is suddenly jealous, and he judges himself. Why is he even thinking about it? As if he isn’t doing the exact same thing. 

And Seonghwa doesn’t regret it one bit, he’s having a great connection with his match. 

Seonghwa opens the app, returning to the conversation Wooyoung has interrupted.

ShiningStar
i think i’d love that
going on a trip with you

8
i’ll go wherever you want to go

i think i am going crazy soon

why

i keep thinking about you
how it would be if we met irl
ignore this life we’re living
holding hands, walking together
no one judging us
is that wrong, am i moving too fast?

i don’t think so, no
i’d like to meet you too

let’s go on an official date then

i like that idea :)

~~~

‘Nervous’ isn’t enough to describe how Seonghwa is feeling. After changing at least five outfits, he stares at himself in the mirror, finally content with his appearance. He leaves the dorm in a good mood, excited. 

But as he approaches the coffee shop they agreed on, anxiety creeps in. What if someone notices them? What if someone is suspicious about the nature of their meeting?

Jack’s words were resonating in his head. ‘It would be like two idol friends meeting to catch up… Then you’ll know I'm real, and that I’m serious about you.’

Seonghwa enters the restaurant, looking around. ‘You’ll most likely recognise me right away.’ His date was very confident in his popularity. But no one catches Seonghwa’s eye, so he goes to the counter to order something. 

After getting the drink, he checks the time: he’s 15 minutes early. Him and his anxiety. He finds a table to sit at, scrolling through his phone, rereading the last messages of his date. Every single time the door opens, Seonghwa raises his head expectantly, disappointed it isn’t the person he’s waiting for. 

Seonghwa receives a message and he opens it right away.

8
i might be running late, something at the company came up
im so sorry

ShiningStar
it’s ok
i’m here already
i’ll be waiting for you

It’s been more than half an hour waiting and nothing… Seonghwa was growing impatient, really considering if he was ditched. Or scammed.

The bell chimes once again, Seonghwa turning his attention towards the door instantly, hoping for a familiar face. 

His eyes lock onto the newcomer and his eyebrows go up. 

That was not the person he was expecting to see. What is Hongjoong doing here?

They make eye contact. Hongjoong smiles and approaches Seonghwa’s table.

“Joongie, what are you doing here?” Seonghwa greets him as he gets closer. He looked good, put together, clearly ready for going out.

Hongjoong scans the room, like he is looking for someone purposefully. “I was supposed to meet a producer, but I think I mistook the cafe. You?”

“I was waiting for someone, but I feel like they stood me up.”

“A date?” He teases, and Seonghwa blushes.

“N-no! An old school friend,” he lies, and Hongjoong chuckles. He doesn’t believe him.

“Then good luck to your ‘not date’, I’ll go see if I find who I’m looking for.”

“Thank you,” Seonghwa mouths, although he feels like there isn’t a chance for him to enjoy the night anymore. “Have fun!”

“Thanks, it was nice seeing you, Seonghwa. Although I will most likely see you again at the dorm,” he jokes.

They finally say their goodbyes. Hongjoong leaves the cafe, while Seonghwa waits a few more minutes until he finishes the last drops of his drink. He finally gets up, leaving disappointed. On his way home, he receives a notification.

8
i was there but i didn’t see you
did you get scared or something?

Seonghwa reads the messages, and he is not very happy about the teasing tone.

ShiningStar
i waited almost 1 hour there
alone
i never saw you!

8
i ran a bit late, I’m sorry for that
but i looked everywhere for you, and you weren’t there
i even tried to follow some girls,
i was scared they recognised you

this is ridiculous

maybe we were both there at the same time
we just didn’t recognise each other

that might be possible

i'm really sorry
i was looking forward to meeting you today

yeah, me too…

i say
we should try again
this time maybe wear specific clothes?

i don’t know…

i’ll be honest, i like you
i dont want to give up on it just yet
just for a misunderstanding

it would be a shame really
because i kinda like you too
let’s just decide on a dress code this time, ok?

that sounds good
i’m really sorry for wasting your time 

it’s ok

let's reschedule

~~~

“Today, I will let Seonghwa talk more,” Hongjoong jokes with the host. “I can’t always be the one explaining things.”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong were both invited to a reality show, and they gladly accepted as it was hosted by an artist they both admire. They have already discussed their comeback concept, now talking about his and Hongjoong’s careers.

“And how did you decide on the company, Seonghwa?” The host asks, interested in the story. “When you debuted.” 

Seonghwa smiles warmly as the memories start flooding in. “My mom was my biggest supporter. She said that if I had wanted to debut, I would have had to go to Seoul. We searched around and eventually someone told me this: ‘There is a guy around your age at this academy, if you train as hard as him, you will be able to debut.’ And that was a challenge for me, so I did it.” Seonghwa turns his expression from the host to Hongjoong. “That’s how I met him.”

“Really?” The host turns towards Hongjoong, not believing the story. “You were that guy?”

Hongjoong had the biggest smile on his face, nodding proudly at the question. He touches Seonghwa’s knee softly, keeping his hand there. “Yes, it was meant to be.”

“That’s really sweet! So sweet!” The host adds.

Hongjoong keeps rambling about how passionate he was before debuting, how hard they had worked. Seonghwa studies the fondness on Hongjoong’s face and remembers it all. All the sleepless nights, all the long talks about how their life would be once they became famous, all the arduous practices. They walked through it all together .

Hongjoong glances at him, smiling, then continues talking to the host, making Seonghwa feel sparks igniting inside him.

The filming finishes too fast. They both had a great time with the host, talking more off-camera. Seonghwa has that content feeling in his heart, proud that their hard work has brought them to this moment in time.

Finally leaving, they both walk together to the car that drove them here. “Home?” Seonghwa asks in a happy tone.

“Yeah,” Hongjoong answers, distraught. He gets inside and takes his phone out, staring at it.

“Oh wow, sleeping at home for once?” Seonghwa makes a joke as he gets comfortable in his seat. “Remember when we used to be roommates and I had to beg you to sleep in your bed?” Seonghwa chuckles, still feeling nostalgic.

Hongjoong half laughs. “Yeah, I’ve always been a menace,” he answers, typing on his phone.

Seonghwa’s heart breaks a bit, and he sighs. Who could be Hongjoong texting that it is more important than going down memory lane together? It was impossible not to notice how he’s been glued to his phone lately.

Seonghwa’s phone lights up from a notification. He smiles, it's none other than Jack. He instantly forgets why he is upset, reading the text.

8
can’t wait to see you tomorrow
i bought a red shirt specifically for this

ShiningStar
you didn’t have a red shirt?!

nah, i’m more into neutral colours
though i have a question

what is it?

i keep thinking about it and i have to ask
when we see each other
would it be ok if i kissed you?

are you asking for my permission?

like a gentleman would

what if you say this now but you won't like my face?

that's impossible 
i bet you’re the most handsome man i’ll ever lay eyes on

oh shush it

are you blushing?

i’m not admitting anything

so is that a yes?

yeah, yeah, you can kiss me

Seonghwa almost giggles out loud, glancing at Hongjoong to see if he noticed. But instead, he sees a soft smile on his friend’s face as his eyes are glued to the phone’s screen. 

Seonghwa’s heart sinks a bit, but he doesn’t care that much. He’s going on a date tomorrow!

~~

Dressed in his favourite red blouse, Seonghwa confidently enters the restaurant they agreed on for the date. This time he ran a bit late, so he wouldn’t be the one waiting anxiously inside. 

He scans the place, looking for someone wearing the same colour as him, and his eyes land on a man. He was nothing that Seonghwa expected of him, he seemed a bit older.

Yet Seonghwa approaches him. “Hello, are you by any chance Jack?” Seonghwa asks politely, holding his breath.

“Who? Sorry, I don’t think I’m the person you’re looking for,” the man smiles at him apologetically.

“Ah… Sorry for bothering.”

Disappointed but relieved, Seonghwa keeps looking around, no one catching his eye. He walks to the other section of the restaurant, climbing some stairs to a more secluded space. 

Seonghwa is too close to spiralling. What if he gets stood up again? What if this fantasy he’s been living in was just a beautiful dream he’s waking up from?

This part of the restaurant isn’t as crowded, but Seonghwa starts losing hope, heart pounding, as no one is wearing the colour he was looking for.

And then-

His eyes land on a familiar pair of eyes. He was the last person he expected to see here today. 

Seonghwa approaches him. “Hongjoong? What are you doing here?”

Hongjoong’s expression changes the moment he recognises his friend. “Seonghwa? I… I’m waiting for someone, you?” He frowns, like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do.

“I’m looking for someone…” Seonghwa hesitantly says, trying to decide if he should tell his best friend the entire story, maybe get some advice, and find a conclusion together.

But that’s when Seonghwa notices the colour of Hongjoong’s shirt: red. Hongjoong never wears red.

Jack… Jack Sparrow… Captain Jack Sparrow. Hongjoong’s favourite character from Pirates of the Caribbean.

And the entire world collapses as the realisation washes over him.

“No. Fucking. Way.” 

Seonghwa finds himself swearing out loud, as his body automatically sits down on a chair in front of Hongjoong. His face changes from shock to confusion to excitement. 

Hongjoong is taken aback by Seonghwa’s outburst. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No fucking way!” Seonghwa repeats, and he starts laughing, still not believing it.

Hongjoong scoffs. “Ugh, I don’t have time right now, Seonghwa. I told you, I’m waiting for someone, and he could be arriving at any moment.”

“This is… this isn’t real!” Seonghwa still laughs like a madman and takes out his phone, sending a simple text to his date: ‘i’m here.’

Hongjoong’s phone lights up, and that makes Seonghwa crackle even more. “He said he’s here, you gotta leave now.”

“Oh my- you’re such an idiot. Smile!” Seonghwa snaps a picture of Hongjoong, sending it to his match on the dating app. 

“What are you doing?!”

Hongjoong’s phone lights up, and the entire universe holds its breath, each second passing in its own pace. He unlocks it, his annoyed expression turning into one of confusion, then pure shock.

“Told you I’m already here,” Seonghwa says triumphantly, shrugging as if the truth couldn’t be more obvious.

Hongjoong mouths something, but his words vanish in the shift from shock to realisation. His hands cover his agape mouth.

Seonghwa finally puts two and two together. “I guess… neither of us got stood up that day… We just didn’t realise we were looking for each other.”

Hongjoong finally gets the courage to say words out loud. “Wait, how did you- Seonghwa, this isn't funny! I-”

But Seonghwa doesn’t let him finish, relaxing a bit in his chair. “Honestly, I’m glad it’s you . And relieved in a way.”

“No, Seonghwa, wait- Our messages!” Hongjoong’s face turns instantly red, and he covers his face in embarrassment.

Seonghwa tries not to laugh as he thinks about the spicy messages and pictures they have exchanged over the past months. But then he turns serious as silence falls between the two of them. 

For Seonghwa, this is great news, because he has always liked Hongjoong… But how does Hongjoong feel? He has built a connection with a stranger, not Seonghwa, his best friend and bandmate. 

“Is it wrong if I don’t want to stop what we have started?” Seonghwa breaks the silence, his words as loud as a whisper.

“Seonghwa…” his friend says his name in a scolding tone.

Seonghwa takes a breath in. If he doesn’t say what he feels right now, he will never have the chance to do so. “I meant everything that I said in my messages. I have never clicked with someone like I have with you. And I’m glad it’s you.” Seonghwa smiles. “I have always wished it would be you. Not necessarily ‘you, this person I was talking to,’ but you, Hongjoong, my special someone.”

Seonghwa notices Hongjoong slowly uncovering his face, so he continues. “I guess it’s finally time to admit that I’ve always had a crush on you? Look, I installed this app just so I would distract myself from my feelings. Because I would’ve never done anything to ruin our friendship.”

“I knew…” Hongjoong whispers, finally fully uncovering his face.

“What?”

Hongjoong tries to chuckle. “I knew that you had a crush on me.”

“What?? Why didn’t you say anything then!?”

“Why would I? It was too fun to tease you. Plus, you weren’t that subtle, you know?”

“Oh, come on, you are oblivious!” 

Hongjoong smiles at his words. And Seonghwa finally sees it. Sees his best friend behind the persona he has created online. The same person he’s been flirting with for the past few months over text messages.

“Are you… disappointed?” Seonghwa finally asks him, not knowing if he could take the impact of a rejection.

“I’m mostly freaking out right now. I obviously wasn’t expecting it to be you- All that sexting!”

Seonghwa tries so hard not to laugh. “Are you really blushing right now?”

“Shut up!... It’s… It’s you! I’ve said all those things to you ! Oh my- I’ve sent you pictures of my-”

Seonghwa can’t restrain himself from laughing anymore. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve seen you naked waay before we started talking,” he says nonchalantly.

Hongjoong glares at him. “That’s not the point… ugh…” Hongjoong hesitates, trying to recollect his thoughts. “I told you I liked you, didn’t I?”

Seonghwa feels the anxiety creeping inside him once again. “And that isn’t true anymore?”

Hongjoong sighs. “It’s not that… I meant what I said, I do like the person I met on that app… But with you- well… I have never seen you in a sexual way.”

Seonghwa raises his eyebrows.

“No, don’t get me wrong. You’re beautiful, Seonghwa. Gorgeous even. You’re tall and handsome and sweet- But I have always pushed away any thought that would make me see you differently. Because we are friends, we are colleagues.”

“And what if you didn’t push any thought away? How do you actually feel about me ?”

Hongjoong scoffs, like no matter how he would answer that question, Seonghwa couldn’t understand.

“I never asked you to push those thoughts away.” Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat, trying to figure out if he is getting rejected or not. “Whatever we had on that app, it was real. Raw. Vulnerable. Who cares if we used some stupid nicknames? It was still us. And to be fair, I have always found it hilarious that the two of you were so similar.”

Hongjoong chuckles. “Tell me about it.”

“I will be honest, Hongjoong. I don’t want it to end. I am sure we could make it work. Right now it’s your call. Are you willing to risk it all for something beautiful that is about to begin if we allow it to?”

“You’ve always been a sweet talker,” Hongjoong half smiles.

“I do try,” Seonghwa chuckles, waiting for an answer.

Hongjoong bites his lip, thinking about it deeply. He hesitates, looking around, making sure no one’s attention is on them. Then he puts his hand on the table, palm facing up. “I would risk my entire career for you.”

Seonghwa is taken aback by his gesture. He doesn’t hesitate, putting a hand on top of his. And Seonghwa’s heart fills with heat, bursting into flame, their skin burning at the contact. “I am glad the feeling is mutual,” Seonghwa say, his lips curving into a genuine smile.

“This is so weird,” Hongjoong chuckles, holding onto Seonghwa’s hand, smiling. “You know… I am not mad it’s you. I have always trusted you, you’ve always been my anchor, my safe space… my shining star.” He laughs.

“Hongjoong!” Seonghwa blushes up to the ears. “That was disgustingly cheesy. And very sweet.”

“Hey, you’re not the only one who can be cringe!”

“I am never cringe!”

“Yes, you are!”

They both laugh, retracting their hands, proving how genuinely easy it is to fall into their usual banter. It is easy to fall into mindless conversation, returning to their usual stuff.

As they decide to go home together, they both wait for a manager to pick them up. Seonghwa is smiling softly. “Going to his place after the first date?” He says ironically as a joke.

“Oh, shut up!” Hongjoong laughs, bumping into Seonghwa’s shoulder.

Seonghwa chuckles, pleased with the outcome of the date. But as it is getting closer to the end, he feels some anxiety forming in the pit of his stomach. Everything will be different now.

They get inside when the car arrives, both sitting in the back, the middle seat empty. Seonghwa looks at the space between them, and he feels so awkward. He still can’t believe it… How hasn’t he realised it sooner? The signs were so obvious, right in his face.

Seonghwa turns to Hongjoong with an apologetic look. Hongjoong sighs, pulling out his phone. After a few seconds, Seonghwa’s phone vibrates, so he checks it. It’s a message on Kakao Talk.

Hongjoong
why do you look like a kicked puppy?

Seonghwa
because I don’t know what’s going to happen next
i’m scared

Hongjoong looks at him, then at the driver. He scoots closer, until their thighs touch. Hongjoong types another message and sends it, then he leans his head softly on Seonghwa’s shoulder. Seonghwa reads it and smiles, putting a hand on Hongjoong’s thigh.

Hongjoong
i’m not going anywhere

~~~

Seonghwa shouldn’t be alone right now. He is doing laps in his own room, retracing every step to see what might’ve led the universe to play this prank on him. He is excited and nervous and over the moon, and he wants to tell someone. Anyone! A member, Wooyoung, his mom- Doesn’t matter, because he will burst soon enough. It’s impossible to contain his excitement.

When they came home, it was so weird, like something shifted in the air. They walked together awkwardly until they stopped in front of the entrance door. They looked at each other, uncertain. And Hongjoong was a sweetheart, he took his hand in his and smiled, reassuringly. Then he got inside his own apartment, making Seonghwa look baffled after him.

He stayed there too long, staring at the door, then went inside his room to overthink it.

What if everything changes now? What if he screws things up? Say or do something wrong, driving Hongjoong away? He would do anything to keep the other close to him.

A notification stops him from spiralling. He sits down on the bed to answer.

8
hey, you up?

ShiningStar
joongie
 why are you texting me here?

i couldn’t sleep
and i was thinking about you

should i be flattered? :))

shut up! 
i was looking at the pictures you’ve sent me
and your profile
i still can’t believe i couldn’t recognise you

is that a good or a bad thing?

idk
i wouldn’t have talked to you if i knew

am i that bad?

hwa
you’re still my best friend
i dont want to ruin that

hey! 
nothing you could do would ruin this friendship
we’ve come so far

but what if we screw up
what if we got mad at each other
and created tension in the group…

ok, let’s say we tried this dating thing for a while
and then told me you didn’t like it
although that might devastate me, i can understand
attraction cannot be forced
but i won't be mad on you hongjoong

tbh
i dont think i would be against it
dating you

how long have you been thinking about it?

enough to make me come to this app to scroll through pics of you

you can google me you know?
there are some fancams i’d recommend

that’s disturbing

:)))))
or, you know
i live next door
you can always come over
we can always talk

i’ll be honest 
i’m a bit scared

scared of what?
of screwing things up?
of the fact that you feel things for me?

yes and no
i’m still getting to terms with the fact that it’s you that i like
it’s so weird admitting it
but i feel like deep down i always knew

aww that’s so sweet

oh shut up

what?
it’s nice hearing you say that
it feels good
especially because i always knew i liked you

why?

why what?

why do you like me?

because it’s you??
what kind of question is that

just answer it

fine
you’re sweet and caring and passionate
i’ve always admired you
and then sometimes i think about your cute smile
and how much I like it when you’re in charge

so you have liked me way before we started talking on here
i get that
but it’s a bit disappointing
because i cannot return it the same way 

hey, it’s not a competition
and don’t get me wrong
yeah, i had a crush on you way before, but it was just a crush
i started to know the real you on here
and i want to learn more about you
because the more i learn things about you, the more i want to be with you
what about you, how do you truly feel?

Seonghwa frowns as the replies to his messages have stopped. He soon hears the front door open, and he gets up, waiting expectantly. Hongjoong enters his room, all soft in his pyjamas, no makeup, hair messy. Seonghwa smiles, closing the door behind him. “What are you doing-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Hongjoong interrupts him, pinning him to the door, startling Seonghwa. “You wanna know how I really feel? I hate you. I hate that I’ve tried so hard not to think about you, just so we end up here. I hate that you make me feel things I’d never thought I'd feel towards you. Ugh, you make me so mad and I want so badly to fucking kiss you right now, it annoys me, i hate it so much.”

Seonghwa is so confused by his outburst, seeming so random, but he finally understands. Hongjoong doesn’t hate him, he hates the contradiction inside his heart. And there’s only one way to settle it. “Then do it.”

Hongjoong cups his cheek, looking straight into his eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do,” he whispers against Seonghwa’s lips like a command.

Seonghwa’s knees go jelly, his back sliding down the door. He catches Hongjoong’s waist for balance, and the height difference isn't there anymore. It’s impossible to look away from the dark expression in the other’s eyes, hypnotised, ready for impact.

“I fucking hate you, Seonghwa!” He says, crushing their lips together.

And Seonghwa accepts it gladly, so pliant for him, melting into the kiss. His entire being is on fire, it feels so strange yet so good to be kissed by him. A first kiss from the person he’s always had a crush on, and the guy he’s been wanting to date.

‘I love you too’ resonates in Seonghwa’s head, the fire in his stomach spreading towards his limbs. But it isn’t the right time to say it. Not yet. Not until Hongjoong comes to terms with the fact that they are actually doing this.

“I promised I’d kiss you no matter what, didn’t I?” Hongjoong whispers breathlessly above Seonghwa’s swollen red lips.

“Mmmh, you did,” Seonghwa answers, head dizzy. “Any regrets?”

“That we haven’t done this sooner,” Hongjoong says, capturing his lips hungrily. A knee finds its way between Seonghwa’s thighs, making him whimper.

Suffice it to say, neither of them got much sleep that night.

~~~

“How was the date?” Wooyoung sneaks his head inside Seonghwa’s room after a few days.

Seonghwa instantly blushes, hiding his naked body more under the covers, trying not to panic. He didn’t expect the random visit at that hour in the evening.

“Oh? There’s tea?” Wooyoung looks intrigued and enters the room, sitting on the bed next to Seonghwa. “Spill.”

“I don’t think I can,” Seonghwa says proudly, trying to calm his rushing heart down.

“Oh… He’s that famous??”

Seonghwa chuckles. “Let’s say that.”

“But how was it? Did he kiss you… Did you two fuck?”

“Wooyoung!”

“What, I need to know!” Wooyoung throws his hands in the air dramatically.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “It’s a bit weird now… knowing the bubbe is burst.”

“Seonghwa, where did you put your hair dryer- Oh, Wooyoung, what are you doing here?” Hongjoong appears in the door frame, hair damp, shirtless. He looks confused at the intruder.

“I could ask you the same question, hyung,” Wooyoung says defensively, crossing his arms.

Wooyoung looks at Hongjoong, then at Seonghwa. Then at Hongjoong again, then he makes big eyes. He instantly jumps off the bed. He dusts off his pants like he might’ve sat in something he wasn’t supposed to. “I feel like this is my cue to leave.”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong look amused as he storms out of the room. “Sannie is not gonna believe this!!” A distant shout echoes in the hallway.

Seonghwa looks at Hongjoong, and they both chuckle. 

“You told him?” Hongjoong approaches the bed.

“I didn’t have to. He figured it out by himself.” Seonghwa makes grabby hands at the other man.

Hongjoong chuckles. He sits on the bed and kisses Seonghwa’s forehead. “Hair dryer.”

Seonghwa puffs. “There, in the drawer.”

Hongjoong cups Seonghwa’s cheek, kissing his lips softly. “I’ll be back.” 

Seonghwa just pouts, admiring the other man as he moves around the room. He finds his phone on the nightstand and opens the camera to snap a picture of Hongjoong. As he unlocks it, he notices a familiar application, untouched for a few days. He chuckles, pressing the uninstall button.

Then he gets up to annoy Hongjoong with more kisses.