Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Just one last mission. This wasn't the first 'last' mission Mikhail had had; every time he told himself he would get out of this lifestyle, he would end up chickening out and going back to Valentina for more. It was always the easy choice; going back to what he'd known all his life. He couldn't count how many times he'd backed out at this point (a lie, it’d been twelve times). But it was different this time, there must be more to this—this life thing, than just following orders from some shady woman who he'd never trusted.

He’d already signed up for that stupid chocolate-making class he’d seen a flier for the other week, he'd narrowed his apartment choices down to two, and, after this mission, he could go on and “find himself” or whatever the fuck people did to make this empty feeling in their chests go away. It wasn’t like he thought being a chocolatier would be his calling, but the ad looked cute and it was a start.

His phone rang, Val's name popping up as Mikhail expected. He picked up without delay.

"Jesus, you pick up faster than my ex lasts in bed. Don't you have a life?", Valentina said on the other side.

Mikhail rolled his eyes: he knew Val just liked making jabs at him at every chance she could get. One last mission, he thought to himself, "Get to the point, Val."

"Have a sense of humor. I'm sending you the details for your next assignment. We have word that an individual is going to infiltrate one of O.X.E.'s facilities. Your job is to find out what asset he's trying to steal and stop him. Or kill him, I don't care."

"All right." Mikhail paused for a second, questioning whether he wanted to say the next part to begin with. "Hey, Val, just wanted to say thanks for taking a chance on me. It's really gonna help me get a head start on life once this is over."

He didn't know what to expect from Val's reaction, but hearing her laughing definitely wasn't the response he’d hoped for. "Yeah, yeah. I'll call you for the next one."

Yup, he did regret it. That's what he got for trying to be polite. Val hung up afterwards and Mikhail immediately received a file for his mission.

John Walker. Former Captain America. He knew the guy. He really fell off after that whole thing, didn't he? Mikhail finished reading the file and started to prepare for take off.

Something was wrong.

Mikhail got in the warehouse early, waiting for his chance to jump at his target. But instead of the former Captain America, someone else entirely had arrived instead – a familiar face. Yelena Belova studied her surroundings, taking paperwork in her hand. Mikhail had not been informed about her, could she be working with John Walker?

He didn't have the time to dwell on it as the man himself appeared on site. Before Mikhail could move, John Walker started to shoot at Yelena, and the two started brawling.

"You're not even my target," said the ex-Widow.

"You're mine," Walker responded.

Mikhail pushed his confusion aside; none of it mattered, he just needed to get rid of Walker and his job here would be done. He emerged from the shadows and lunged at Walker.

Both Yelena and Walker seemed confused too, and it didn't stop there as another party made an appearance – someone else from Mikhail's past. The Taskmaster took aim at Mikhail, and he narrowly dodged the shot by pulling Walker in front of him to block the bullets, his shield deflecting them.

"Antonia, it's me—!", Mikhail blurted.

It didn't stop there. Seemingly out of nowhere, a ghostly figure materialized and joined the fight. The five of them traded blows and shots one after the other. Mikhail fired a Black Widow's Bite at Walker to stun him, following up with a kick that sent him flying towards some crates. Before he could pursue any further, the Taskmaster tackled him to the ground and wrapped her hands around his neck.

He tried to tell her to stop. He tried to get her off. Before he could really do anything else, more gunfire went off: Antonia Dreykov's lifeless body fell to the ground, and Mikhail felt his chest sink a little.

Mikhail thought he was next, he wouldn't have the time to get away if the ghostly lady shot at him next, but she didn't. Or rather, she couldn't. A beeping sound grabbed everyone's attention and Mikhail took his chance to get up. This alerted the others and everyone pointed their guns at each other in a fivefold stalemate.

It lasted but a moment. The next second, all of them pointed their weapons at a man coming out of one of the containers.

The man wore what looked like hospital pajamas. He groaned and coughed as he crawled out of a crate. "Is she actually dea— oh." He tried to get away, but the exit he’d been going for got blocked off, and then all of the other exits followed.

Everyone's attention momentarily turned to the walls closing off the exits, and then back at the strange man as he hesitantly moved towards them. He put his hands in the air and recoiled. "Whoa, no no," he muttered.

"Hi— hey... I'm—I'm Bob.", he offered.

"Who sent you, ‘Bob’?" Mikhail and Yelena asked in unison.

"Nobody! Why would I be sent?" The man — Bob's face shifted slightly, "You were all sent?"

"I'm not sure what's happening here, but you are all exhausting and my job is done," The Ghost started to walk away but was quickly stopped by Yelena's gun pointed at her.

"My job is to keep an eye on you, so no, you are not going anywhere anymore," Yelena spat.

"So you're here to keep an eye on her, huh?" Walker said, distrustful, "That's a halfway decent cover for somebody stealing assets from O.X.E."

"Ha," Mikhail laughed at Walker's words. "Maybe take a good look in the mirror before you frame others for your own actions; I was sent here to stop you, not Yelena."

Yelena turned to Mikhail at the mention of her name, eyes narrowing for a moment before her face shifted, a mixture of realization and annoyance on her expressions. She held her hands up. "Okay. It's clear we have all worked for Valentina in some sort of shadow ops capacity."

The Ghost and Walker slowly lowered their weapons as Yelena spoke, Mikhail followed along. "Yeah, so?" Walker prompted.

"So all of this stuff is O.X.E.'s secrets, but so are we."

"Fuck," Mikhail cursed under his breath. "Val wanted us to take each other out."

"Speak for yourself", Walker countered.

"We are the evidence, and this is the shredder. She wants us gone." Yelena looked just about ready to punch Walker in the face, as if they hadn't been doing that this entire time.

"Your theory is flawed," said Walker. Mikhail couldn't help but scoff at Walker's denial.

"Oh please, go on," The Ghost jabbed sarcastically.

"Okay, well, look at the facts." Walker circled the people around him as he went on. "The infamous Ghost – S.H.I.E.L.D. reject on the run from fifteen nations. Dead one over there, she destroyed half of Budapest—"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Mikhail spat.

To this, Yelena seemingly lost her patience and directed her stare at Mikhail. "I'm sorry but who the hell are you again? Why do you have... those?" She gestured to his weapons, the very same ones she carried.

Mikhail swallowed. The answer was quite simple, but he couldn't think of the words to explain. His silence aggravated the ex-Widow, who pointed her gun at him, and Mikhail forced himself to say something.

"It's me, Yelena, please put the gun down," he blurted out in Russian. "I don't know if you remember me, but you freed me from Dreykov's control years ago."

Yelena's eyes narrowed, confusion washing over her face. Mikhail couldn't blame her, but before he could explain further, he was interrupted.

"Hey. No scheming in Russian," Walker complained and he, too, pointed his weapon at Mikhail.

"Okay, who I am doesn't matter. We have more important things at hand here."

"Yeah, that I'm clearly supposed to bring you all in for all your crimes," Walker confidently said.

"Pretty ludicrous coming from the dime-store Captain America," The Ghost retorted.

"I'll have you know I was actually the official Captain America."

"Yeah, for like two seconds," Yelena said.

"Before you publicly murdered an innocent man on the streets, do I have that right?" The Ghost added.

"And now you're doing Val's dirty work, just like the rest of us," said Mikhail.

"Hey, look. I'm a decorated combat veteran, okay? I have a loving wife and a son. Let's be honest, you guys are just cheap mercenaries, okay? So clearly I'm supposed to bring you in."

The Ghost and Yelena laughed at Walker, and Mikhail just rolled his eyes. He could believe that this was a trap set up for him to get arrested. But by this guy? Not a chance in hell.

Mikhail noticed a third person laughing and he turned around. He’d almost forgotten that Bob was here. "It's getting so tense in here," Bob said sheepishly. Walker glared at him which caused Bob to put his head down like a kicked puppy.

"I'm not leaving here without completing my mission." Walker started approaching Bob. "Valentina gave me a clean slate guarantee, I'm not screwing that up. But this weirdo wasn't part of the job, so I gotta know... how'd you get in?"

Bob shrugged. "I don't remember."

"Terrific answer," Walker retorted sarcastically.

"Hey, leave him alone. He looks more confused than any of us here," Mikhail scolded.

"Whatever," the former Captain muttered. "Okay, tie yourselves up," he ordered everyone.

"Wow. No," The Ghost deadpanned. "And goodbye."

She popped her helmet back on and vanished into thin air. Mikhail started to scout his surroundings to find any other way out of here seeing as the rest of them couldn't just phase through walls (that he knew of), but his ears got blasted by a deafening screech just seconds later, rendering him and everyone around him immobilized, even causing the Ghost to materialize back into existence. When she stepped away from the wall, the screeching stopped.

All of them were stunned, not really knowing what had just happened. The silence broke as Bob made a sound. "You guys hear that?" he asked.

"What the fuck," Mikhail exclaimed under his breath.

A few minutes had passed since the loud noise. Ghost lady walked around looking for a vent or something, careful not to approach a blocked door too closely so as not to trigger another sound wave. Former Captain America was doing god knows what, probably the same if Mikhail had to guess. Yelena sat on one of the containers, seemingly deep in thought. Mikhail approached Bob, studying him with his eyes.

"What?" Bob asked curiously, strands of his dark hair falling over his eyes.

"Nothing." Mikhail eyed the man from top to bottom, looking to see if there was a hidden weapon or anything, yet the only thing he could see was the hospital-esque, loose clothing on him. The man was taller than Mikhail, yet carried himself in a way that made him seem much smaller. Definitely not a fighting stance ready for battle. "You doing okay?"

"I'm fine." Bob looked at Mikhail as he responded, he genuinely seemed just as lost as the rest of them. Either he was really good at acting innocent, or he really might just be a civilian. "I think your friend's mad at me."

Mikhail raised a brow. "That guy? The Captain America wannabe?" He scoffed. "We're not friends. I was actually supposed to kill him."

Bob's face dropped and he took a step back away from Mikhail. After hearing his words in his head, Mikhail realized how disturbing that would sound for anyone. He put his hands up in the air. "Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?"

Bob's eyes scanned Mikhail. After a moment, he seemingly decided Mikhail was telling the truth. "What's your name?" he cautiously asked.

"I'm Mikhail," he introduced himself, using his Russian accent to say his name. The obviously correct way to say it.

"I— I don't think I can pronounce that." Bob chuckled nervously.

Mikhail let out a laugh. "It's okay. You can say it like ‘Mick-Hale’ like everyone else. Or actually, Misha. It’s like the short version of it.”

Bob's lips curved into a small smile, and for a second Mikhail realized he couldn't remember the last time someone had smiled at him for introducing himself. He didn’t really meet new people these days, not anyone that didn’t get a punch in the face soon after, anyway.

"Oh, okay. Misha." Bob repeated in a way that sounded like he was testing the waters.

"What about you? Just Bob? Not short for anything? Robert?"

"Well," Bob started, and immediately hesitated to continue. He swallowed before going on: "It is Robert, but everyone just calls me Bob." His eyes lowered to the floor.

"I like Bob," Mikhail told him, "It's short, sweet, straight to the point. It's a classic. I mean, who doesn't love Bob, right?"

Bob's smile grew but looked forced. Mikhail could only imagine how uncomfortable he was, being surrounded by mercenaries.

"Hey, listen. We're gonna get out of here safely, all right? I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

Mikhail didn't know why he'd even say that. He had no obligation to help Bob out of this situation; even if he only said that to calm Bob down, he had no reason to. Bob had been unusually calm throughout all of this for a civilian for the most part. Nevertheless, Bob nodded in response.

"Hey. Job or not, can you have some respect, please?" Yelena scolded the Ghost as she took one of Taskmaster's weapons.

"Yeah, Jesus," Walker added, as if he wasn't grabbing one for himself as well.

"Ooh," Mikhail exclaimed, "Someone grab me her shield."

The Ghost grabbed it where it fell on the floor and tossed it towards Mikhail. It was quite heavier than he’d imagined.

"Seriously?" Yelena deadpanned.

"Hey. She tried to kill me, okay? I think it's only fair." Mikhail stashed his newly acquired shield onto his back.

Before anything else could happen, a siren blasted all across the room; different from the sound waves blocking the Ghost from escaping. The lights dimmed sans some red lighting and an ominous timer counting down from two minutes appeared.

The Ghost deduced it was an incinerator which Walker immediately refuted. Mikhail rolled his eyes at the former Captain's denial, but even Walker couldn't deny the rising temperatures.

"Okay, it's an incinerator," he said, defeated.

"Oh boy, that is no way to go," said Bob.

"How would you like to die today, Bob?" Walker responded dryly.

Mikhail glared at John. The snark was not helpful.

Yelena ignored the guys and started planning their escape. They needed to find the power source for the sound barrier and deactivate it so Ghost Lady – Ava, her name was – could phase through and open the door for them.

They got to it without delay, even Bob tried to help them look for the source when he didn't even know what it would look like. It didn't take too long before Yelena found it and Walker promptly bashed it with his shield. Ava immediately took the opportunity to slip away.

Twenty-three seconds left. The rest of them stood in front of the door, waiting for it to be opened from the outside.

Seconds stretched into forever, until Bob spoke: "You think she's coming back?"

Those words twisted knots in Mikhail's chest. There was nothing stopping Ava from just leaving them here. Despite its ultimate irrelevance, she did accomplish what she came here to do; Taskmaster was dead, and leaving the rest of the people who would be liabilities to die at this point made logical sense, much to his dismay.

"Shit," he muttered and closed his eyes.

Eight seconds left. Seven. Six. Five. Four—

Mikhail suddenly heard a loud buzzing causing him to snap out of it. The door slid upward and everyone ran through just as the vents on the ceiling started spewing fire. Mikhail noticed Bob lagging behind, so he reached back and pulled on the man's arm, using the strength he could muster to throw Bob through the door.

His efforts were mostly futile in the end; the room behind them burst into a fiery explosion, the force of it propelling them into the air and blasting them out of the inferno the room had become. Most of them landed on the ground, but Yelena was pushed into a wall with Bob lying just next to her.

Grunts and groans were heard from most of them as they got up on their feet, all except for Bob and Yelena. Mikhail patted himself down before he approached the two to help them up. He noticed them looking at each other seemingly confused, which caused Mikhail to raise a brow.

"You guys okay?" said Mikhail as he offered an arm to both of them.

"Yeah—yeah," Bob stammered, and accepted Mikhail's aid.

Yelena did not. She got up on her own.

“Thanks, Misha. For back there. You helped me get out,” Bob said.

“No problem, Bob.” Mikhail gently patted the dark haired man on the shoulder.

“Hey,” Walker called out to Bob, suddenly hostile. “Everyone’s got a reason to be here except for you.”

Bob kind of just turned and looked away, seemingly getting absorbed in his own bubble.

“This is bullshit,” Walker said, the frustration in his tone increasing. He walked towards Bob. “You. Tell me how you got in here right goddamn now.”

“I swear man, I just woke up in this place,” Bob said as his demeanor became a little jittery. “One minute I was getting my blood drawn for this medical study, and the next I’m down here, in my pajamas. I don’t know what’s happening.”

“Okay, then show me where you woke up,” Walker demanded.

“In there,” Bob stammered and pointed to the previous room.

“Where everything’s on fire. That’s real convenient.” Walker walked away from Bob in frustration.

“Walker, relax,” Yelena tried.

Ava and Walker took turns trying to jog Bob’s memory. Bag over his head, needle on his neck, choke hold, nerve pinch, Bob remembered none of it. Not even poison gas, which Mikhail suggested.

“I think he’s just a civilian,” Yelena said.

“I think so too,” Mikhail added.

“If he’s a civilian he knows too much, if he’s an agent he sucks. Either way, I say we throw him back into the fire.”

“Wow,” Mikhail scoffed.

Bob laughed softly to himself. “You said you were Captain America?”

“Why’re you laughing?” Walker said, unamused.

“Just that—“ He shrugged. “You’re an asshole, you know.”

A second passed and Walker laughed through his teeth. He stepped towards Bob again, and the next thing they knew he was grabbing Bob by his shirt and slamming him against a nearby wall.

“Hey, whoa, okay, okay—“ Yelena jumped in between the two men and started pushing them away from each other. “We swung our tiny dicks, it was a lot of fun. You go over there—“ she ordered Walker as she pointed to the opposite side of the room, “Bob, come with me.”

She whisked Bob away. On his corner, Walker looked like he was sulking. Mikhail sighed and approached the former Captain.

“Save it,” John preemptively insisted.

“Jeez. Don’t you ever get tired of being defensive?” Mikhail retorted.

“I’m sorry I’m the only one trying to put things in perspective.” Walker’s words reeked of sarcasm. “Seriously, no one finds him suspicious?”

“Give us some credit here,” Ava said.

“Yeah, we’re not dumb, Walker. But antagonizing everyone here isn’t going to help. We all just want to get out of here too.”

“Fine. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner I can stop being around you weirdos.” Walker rolled his eyes and started to walk around to examine their surroundings.

“That’s the spirit!” Mikhail exclaimed with false enthusiasm.

Yelena and Bob were still conversing on the other side while the rest of them looked around for a way onward. At some point, Walker bashed one of the concrete pillars, revealing an opening.

“You guys done with therapy yet?” Walker called out to Bob and Yelena, “I think I found a way out.”

He headed in first, followed by Ava, then Mikhail. Bob and Yelena took a moment more before they went after the rest. There was another opening on the ceiling and everyone seemed to agree to head up without saying a single word.

It looked like an elevator shaft of some sort. The smooth, metallic walls closed in on them and gave them very little room to move around. Mikhail could only see so far before darkness covered the rest, not even the thin strip of lights on the wall were able to illuminate so far up in Mikhail’s field of vision. Everyone just stared at the void for a moment.

“So…” Yelena started, breaking the silence, “None of us fly? What, we all just punch and shoot?”

“Don’t worry. I got this.” Walker chuckled cockily.

Walker pushed everyone aside to make room for himself, ignoring Mikhail’s protests. Without hesitation, he leaped high up in the air and disappeared into the darkness, too high for the average person to ever be able to do. Must be all that Captain America juice or something, Mikhail thought. This was followed in his head by the question of whether Captain America was even supposed to have superpowers, but before he got to properly form thoughts about it, Walker dropped down, falling on his back.

Bob jumped, startled, while Yelena and Ava looked down to laugh at Walker’s failed attempt. Mikhail gave Bob’s back three gentle pats.

“You should try that again,” Ava teased.

Walker groaned in pain. “We’re pretty far down here.” He seemingly brushed it off effortlessly and got up without a problem. “Okay, why don’t you walk up through the walls or whatever and just throw us a rope down?”, he proposed to the ghostly woman.

Both Mikhail and Yelena nodded. It sounded like a logical suggestion.

“Well, first of all someone other than you would have to ask me,” Ava snarked at Walker, “And second of all, I have to know where I’m going because I’ve never been able to hold it for more than a minute, so I’d just get lost in an ocean of dirt and I’d be crushed to death. Alright?”

“May be worth a try—“ Mikhail started.

“Shut up,” Ava simply said.

Yelena buried her face in her palm. “Oh my god. We suck.”

Bob raised his hand. “Uh. I have an idea.”

The five of them huddled together, backs against each other and arms hooked from one person to another and legs pushed onto the wall holding them together from all sides of the diminutive space. Mikhail was skeptical of this plan, but nobody else could present anything else. And soon it’d been who knew how long of them taking one step at a time, climbing the shaft in the most inconvenient and uncomfortable way possible. They’d been at it long enough that when Mikhail dared to look down, all he saw was black.

Everyone was breathing heavier and panting at this point, even Walker with his Captain America stamina. It was taking Mikhail everything not to pay attention to his growing exhaustion and give in to it. He was not going to be the one to get everyone killed here.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

“Ew,” Yelena cut in, “Which one of you is wet?”

“I run hot,” said Bob, Mikhail could hear the embarrassment from his voice. “Sorry.”

He’d felt it a bit ago – Bob’s sweat – but he wasn’t going to point it out and put Bob on the spot like that. “No, yeah, it’s like a fucking oven in here,” Mikhail said.

“Someone’s got a weird, hard butt,” Walker protested. Mikhail supposed they were just gonna keep on complaining now which was really going to make ignoring the discomfort harder.

“It’s not my butt, that’s my suit,” Ava responded defensively.

“Well, you need to get a new suit,” Yelena whined.

“Well, pardon me for the inconvenience,” Ava snarked back. “I only spent my entire life in labs hooked up to machines so I could create this physical cage to keep my material body from disintegrating at all times. Again, so sorry for that.”

Mikhail groaned. “We get it, we all have sob stories.”

Yelena let out a cynical laugh. “You do not want to start the whole sob story game. I win; enslaved child assassin over here.”

“Okay, but—if I have the same sob story, do we tie for first place or do we do a tiebreaker?” Mikhail jabbed.

“How does that even work? I thought all Black Widows were women,” Walker pointed out.

“I don’t think this is the time for me to be introducing you to the concept of modern medicine, Cap.” While the environment truly was inappropriate to get into this right now, Mikhail also just did not feel the need to elaborate further.

Thankfully none of them really pressed on, though Mikhail sensed that Yelena had something to say. The group went back to chanting lefts and rights after that for a while – a while that felt like ages. Mikhail could feel Bob’s sweating intensifying and even Mikhail himself was forming beads on his forehead.

At some point Ava made a comment about not being able to see the floor. Bob pleaded not to talk about it and claimed he wasn’t great with heights. Mikhail gave the smallest of nudges with his shoulder to Bob’s, grabbing the man’s attention and prompting him to turn his head to face Mikhail.

“Just focus on me and don’t look down,” Mikhail advised.

Bob nodded slightly. “Okay.”

“Hey, I think I see the door,” Walker announced.

Everyone stopped climbing. Mikhail could only see it from the corner of his eyes. He exhaled a sigh of relief, but halfway through it his relief immediately went away when Yelena spoke.

“Now what?” she said.

“Um—“ Ava looked around, “I guess one of us should… go first…” she said, yet she herself didn’t seem to agree with that plan.

“Then the rest of us immediately fall!” Yelena argued.

“Shit,” Walker and Mikhail cursed in unison.

“Sorry. I guess I didn’t really think this far ahead,” Bob said apologetically.

“Genius plan, Bobby!” Walker scolded.

“Always making things worse,” Bob muttered to himself.

“Hey,” Mikhail called to Bob, “Your plan got us up here. We just need to—“

“Ugh!” Ava grunted. “These bloody boots – I don’t think I can hold this much longer.”

Mikhail turned to his other side and saw Ava’s boots starting to slip on the wall. A wave of panic washed over him and the beads of sweat were now dripping down his face, which of course made him even more uncomfortable and panicked.

“Stop moving!” Mikhail pleaded to Ava, to which she responded with an angry noise.

“Hand me your baton, I can reach it,” Walker told Yelena.

“What? No way! You’re just going to leave us!” she argued. “Okay – spin us around and I think I can latch us on.”

Mikhail felt Bob’s head jerking.

“I’m not spinning us around. Somebody has to go through—“

“Cucumber — cucumber, cucumber!” Bob exclaimed loudly.

“Are you having a stroke?” Mikhail blurted out.

“What the hell is happening?” Yelena asked quizzically.

“Growing up, somebody told me that you could stop a sneeze if you confuse your brain; I always yelled ‘cucumber,’” Bob explained, his voice very shaky.

“Okay?” Yelena probed.

“I have to sneeze, but if I sneeze I’m going to lose control—“

“This is insane! I can get us out of here, I just need to go first!” Walker barked, losing his patience.

“No!” Ava yelled, “There must be another way!”

Bob took a sharp breath. “Oh no—“

“Cucumber!” Mikhail shouted, with Yelena and Ava joining in soon after. “Cucumber! Cucumber!”

Walker yelled something that Mikhail couldn’t understand and suddenly felt a shift. In an instant, the former Captain grabbed one of Yelena’s batons and jumped out of the huddle.

Ava was quick to use her blade against the wall to stop herself from falling with Mikhail just barely being able to grab onto her. He shot a grappling hook to catch Yelena, and in the same fashion she shot hers to catch Bob by the ankle.

Bob sneezed.

Walker had gotten through the door and he reached out for the rest of them, helping them up one after the other. First was Ava who called him a selfish prick, then Mikhail and Yelena who angrily took her baton back. Bob was last, and after helping him up – well, Walker kind of just stood there for a moment. The rest of them watched him in confusion until Yelena broke the silence.

“Walker,” she called out. “What the hell are you doing?”

Mikhail looked at Bob as he walked towards the group with a questioning face. Bob shrugged in response.

Walker turned around, seemingly out of it, like he’d just woken up. “I’m fine,” he eventually said and joined the rest of them.

A door nearby glided smoothly open. The gang peeked around it, finally seeing their exit just in front of them. The problem was the whole battalion of soldiers waiting for them on the other side. Valentina’s people no doubt.

“We need to come up with a plan,” Yelena said.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do—“ Walker jumped in.

“And we’re listening to you, why?” Mikhail questioned.

“Well, I’m your only chance of getting out of here,” Walker said matter-of-factly.

“You almost got us killed!” Ava barked.

“I-I think I might just surrender, probably,” Bob muttered.

“Okay, fine. Every man for himself,” Walker agreed.

“No,” Mikhail argued, “No one’s fucking surrendering – they’ll kill any one of us.”

“Yeah. Why should you be in charge?” Yelena said to Walker with annoyance in her tone, “You almost killed us in there.”

“Well, let’s see—“ Walker started.

Mikhail groaned. Here we fucking go, he thought to himself.

“I’ve been in the trenches of every war-torn country on this planet,”

Yelena rolled her eyes.

“I’ve saved god knows how many hostages,”

Ava sighed.

“Shook the hands of two US presidents. What else? Oh. High school state football champion, back-to-back-to-back. Go Bears!”

“Oh wow,” Yelena exclaimed with the highest level of sarcasm. “When I was five I was in a peewee soccer team called the West Chesapeake Valley Thunderbolts sponsored by Shane’s Tire Shop. We won zero games, and this one time this girl Mindy, she did a poo midfield.”

Mikhail, Bob and Ava just looked at each other, most definitely feeling a bit awkward from this exchange.

“Anyone else have any pointless childhood stories to tell?” Yelena asked rhetorically.

“Grew up in a lab prison.” Ava said and tapped on Bob’s arm, urging him to go next.

“Meth-addicted, sign-twirling chicken. It was um, a summer job,” Bob said. He turned to Mikhail, looking at him expectantly.

“Murdered my fake-dad after like the hundredth time he beat me up,” Mikhail deadpanned.

All of them turned to him in horror (or disgust, who knew really?), except for Bob, who simply frowned.

There was a moment of awkward silence, then Yelena broke it.

“Right. Okay. Here’s the plan,” she started.

The team split up. Ava disappeared to find them an escape vehicle while the rest of them inside would have to cause an explosion to lure the troopers outside. They would have to turn on their night vision, giving them the chance to blind them once Yelena turned the lights back on, therefore giving Walker the opening to handle them, alone to be discreet. Mikhail would stay with Yelena to keep watch in case someone ambushed them. Walker argued an explosion would have too many variables, but he was outvoted.

And Bob — sweet Bob asked what he could do for the team. No one wanted to say it, but he would probably just get in the way. He didn’t seem to have any fighting experience and he’d just get himself killed. He was to stay close to Yelena and Mikhail.

Once in position, Yelena set off a small explosive and caused the lights to turn off. Just as they anticipated, this brought a group of soldiers to come and look for them inside the building. Yelena was in the break room trying to get the lights back on while Mikhail stood guard, and Bob stood with them.

The man fiddled with his fingers, clearly anxious. Mikhail supposed that anyone would be, assuming they weren’t, how had Walker put it? ‘Cheap mercenaries’?

“Maybe I should have a gun?” Bob suggested.

“No, it’s okay, Bob, we’ll protect you. We’re good at fighting. It’s kind of our whole thing,” Mikhail assured him.

Bob strained half a smile out.

“I don’t remember you,” Yelena said in a monotone voice, not peeling her eyes off the switches and buttons she was fussing around with.

Mikhail turned to her. “Well, I guess that would make sense.” He cleared his throat nervously, then started to speak in Russian. “I was stationed in New Mexico when you found me. It was raining, you slammed me against the wall before spraying me with that red dust. We had burgers after.”

Bob very clearly wasn’t understanding and even looked away as if he was giving the two some privacy. Yelena turned to Mikhail, trying to make sense of what he’d just said. Realization washed over her expression.

Yelena started to blurt out Mikhail’s old name, but he quickly interrupted her.

“I don’t go by that name anymore,” Mikhail cut in. “It’s Mikhail now.”

“Misha,” Bob added, grinning sheepishly.

Yelena’s eyes darted back and forth between the two men. “Right,” she mumbled. “What— I don’t even know how to ask it. What… happened?”

Mikhail’s lips curved into a small, empathetic smile. “Realized something about myself after you freed me, then the world blipped. I guess half the people disappearing helped speed up the waiting process for my treatments. Years later, this is me. It’s been me, just never had the chance to realize it until then.”

Yelena stood silently just absorbing what Mikhail had said. And then she simply nodded. “Okay,” she said before going back to her buttons.

“You chose your own name?” Bob asked.

Mikhail turned back to Bob. “Yeah.”

“That’s cool,” Bob said neither enthusiastically nor sarcastically.

“I guess so, yeah.” Mikhail smiled at Bob. “I kinda like to think of it as reclaiming a part of myself that’s my own, and not whatever the Red Room forced upon me.”

Yelena made a humming sound, and Mikhail wondered if she could relate.

“I don’t know a lot about the Red Room aside from some things I’ve seen online about that one Avenger,” said Bob, “but it doesn’t sound like a very nice place.”

“It was not,” Yelena confirmed.

“It’s cool that you guys are still nice people though.”

Mikhail and Yelena turned to look at each other. All was said in that one look; they didn’t think they were good people. After everything they’d done – after everything Mikhail had done even within his own agency… nice person would have been the last thing he’d call himself.

“I would not go that far,” Yelena deadpanned.

“Speak for yourself,” Mikhail teased, “I’m a very nice person.”

“No but— you are. I don’t think anyone would’ve gone through all of this just to help me.” There was something about Bob’s eyes that conveyed something Mikhail couldn’t put his finger on. Sincerity? Sympathy? Perhaps he was just trying to be cordial to the only people who could get him out of here.

Mikhail didn’t know what to say to that. He gave the other man a nod in response.

“Other people… don’t usually pay attention to me. They don’t even look at me, like I’m nothing. The medical trial was supposed to make me better, maybe make something of myself...” Bob lowered his head, purposefully avoiding eye contact.

Mikhail couldn’t do anything but relate. Perhaps their circumstances were worlds different, but wanting to be a better version of himself was something Mikhail could resonate with. It always seemed impossible. Breaking old habits was hard. Even this time, this one last mission was supposed to be his out, and somehow the universe out there had just decided to tell him to eat shit.

Maybe he was too far gone at this point, but he hated seeing someone else give up on the hope of a better self and a better future. It was a strange feeling to have for someone he’d only just met.

Mikhail tapped on Bob’s chin and lifted the taller man’s head up, looking straight into the man’s eyes. “Hey, listen. I promised I’d get you out safely, right? Then maybe you can take that chance to try and have a better life. I don’t know— sign up for a chocolate-making class or something.” He tried to fight a wince at his own private insult to himself.

Bob seemingly froze at Mikhail’s gesture and stayed silent. Mikhail wondered if he’d crossed a boundary with what he said, but before he had time to dwell on it they got startled by the sound of Yelena’s timer going off.

“Okay boys,” she called at them, monotone, “It’s time.”

Mikhail took his hand back and Bob seemingly snapped out of it and composed himself, clearing his throat.

“Wake up,” Yelena said as she pulled on the big lever.

Sparks flew and some lights around them flickered, but then – nothing. “Why did that not work?” she said panicked as she flipped more switches.

“But— you gotta turn the power back on, you gotta blind the guys,” Bob stammered.

“Yes, I know, Bob,” said Yelena.

“Are you sure you flipped the right switches?!” Mikhail asked as he started pressing buttons and flipping switches as well.

“You are not helping!” she scolded Mikhail, voice raised. She took the flashlight from Bob and started walking off. The two men followed along.

“I hate to say it, but I think Walter was right,” Bob said defeatedly.

“His name is Walker, Bob,” Yelena corrected.

As the three of them made their way to the hallway, they heard gunshots elsewhere. They ran towards the source of the sounds and discovered a pile of bodies.

“Where is he?” asked Bob.

“He’s gone,” Yelena responded coldly. “’Every man for himself,’ right?”

Walker’s words echoed in Mikhail’s head as Yelena repeated them. If the former Captain got to escape, it should be possible for them too. All they need to do was—

“Hold it right there!” several soldiers called out.

Yelena pulled Bob along as she ran away from the soldiers’ field of vision, Mikhail following behind. The troopers tossed a few gas bombs and soon the hallway was covered in fog. They went back to the bodies lying on the ground, took masks for themselves and quickly put them on.

Through the night vision, Mikhail saw Yelena giving him hand signs, telling him what to do for their ambush against their pursuers. He nodded and got into position.

Mikhail listened as the soldiers’ footsteps got louder and louder, and then Yelena jumped out, kicking two men down simultaneously. “Get down!” she ordered Bob as the soldiers opened fire.

For his part, Mikhail ducked down and lunged at a soldier, stunning them with a Widow’s Bite and sweeping his leg around to knock another down to the ground.

A second wave of soldiers arrived as Yelena threw a gun from one of the soldiers to Bob. “How do I use this?” Bob asked, panicked.

“You point and shoot,” Yelena said as she took down another soldier.

Mikhail grabbed his new shield and blocked the bullets coming from the front as Yelena shot them down. From the back, Mikhail heard more shots fired, immediately followed by Bob yelling “Sorry!”

With his own pistol, Mikhail fired at the soldier Bob had failed to take down, thinking it was the last of them. Within a second, Yelena grabbed Bob’s gun and shot in front of them, bullets crashing into something metallic.

“It’s me, John! Stop!” Walker shouted as he blocked Yelena’s shots.

“Where were you?!” Yelena yelled back.

“Where were you?!” John countered.

“The explosion fried the wires,” Yelena told him.

“Too many variables, I knew it!” Walker scolded.

“And then you didn’t wait,” Yelena said, pointing a finger at the former Captain.

“I did wait! And then—“

Before they could argue any further, they heard a voice coming from one of the comms. “What’s going on in there? Do we need to go lethal?” a man said.

“We don’t have time for this,” Mikhail sighed, “We need to get out of here and hopefully Ava found us a ride.” He looked around trying to see if there was anything they could use. He started taking off some of the soldiers’ gear. “Put these on, we’ll just have to blend in.”

The rest of them followed suit and soon after they were covered head to toe in military gear. They agreed that Bob should pretend to be hurt while Walker and Mikhail took him out. Yelena would follow soon after as to not draw suspicion having the four of them together.

“I don’t think I wanna be carried anymore,” Bob pleaded as they got out of the building.

“Shut up, Bob. You’re wounded, remember?”

“It’s fine, we just need to—“ Mikhail’s words got cut off as he saw someone through the corner of his eyes; Valentina de Fontaine. It would be so easy to take her down now, he thought to himself, and it was oh-so tempting. But he couldn’t risk the others’ safety. He saw John looking at her too and he wondered if he shared the same idea.

But they just kept on walking.

They got to a quieter spot near the trucks with Yelena reuniting with them soon after.

“We need to steal one of these trucks,” Walker suggested.

“Maybe Ava got us one already,” Mikhail said and immediately realized the stupidity of his optimism.

“She’s gone,” Bob said, deflated. “Of course she’s gone.”

And as if just to prove him wrong, a truck stopped behind them, with Ava at the wheel calling out to them: “Hey. Get in.”

The four of them looked at each other, all perhaps taken aback that she actually came back for them. They got off their feet and walked towards the back. Mikhail went in first, followed by Bob.

“You gonna be okay back here?” Yelena asked Bob.

“Yeah,” he said and gave her a thumbs up as he removed his helmet, “I’ll be fine, Misha’s here.”

Mikhail couldn’t help but smile a little at that, but he forced it to go away almost immediately. He removed his helmet as well and took a deep breath.

“Is this what it’s like for you all the time?” Bob asked.

Mikhail turned to the man sitting across from him and shook his head. “No, not really. Well— yeah, no, no.”

The shooting, the kicking, those things were normal. Breaking into facilities, sneaking out and the like. But being trapped by his employer, sent to be rid of, that was new. Now that Mikhail had time to think about it, he was realizing how fucked he was. What was supposed to come next? Hiding for the rest of his life? The chances of ever having a normal life had always been slim for him, but now even that was gone.

He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“You okay?” Bob asked, because of course he did.

“Ugh. Yeah, I’m fine. Just— This was supposed to be my final assignment. I wanted out and to just have a normal life after this.”

“Oh.”

The bus shook slightly and Mikhail could feel that they’d started moving. Almost out of here, he thought to himself.

“What does a normal life look like for you?” Bob asked after a moment.

The question stumped Mikhail. It’s something that he’d been asking himself for a while now as well, and every time he did, he couldn’t come up with what a normal life would entail. And — he really did not mean to dwell on it, but signing up for that stupid chocolate class was sounding dumber and dumber by the minute. Who would even choose that as the first thing they do when seeking out for some normalcy?

Mikhail shrugged in response.

“Hmm,” Bob hummed, “Wife and kids? Fancy house?”

Mikhail let out an awkward chuckle. “Wife and kids – no, not really my thing.”

“Oh.” Bob bit his lips, seemingly hesitating to say something. He eventually spoke again. “Husband?”

Mikhail let out a small laugh. “What about you? What’s life out there for Bob?” he said, diverting the topic off of him.

“I don’t — I don’t really know,” Bob muttered as he cut off eye contact with Mikhail.

He’d only gotten tiny bits and pieces about Bob at this point, but Mikhail could deduce that Bob probably didn’t have an easy life. Still, he couldn’t imagine what would have lead Bob into this predicament they were in. He nudged Bob’s knee with his own, offering some comfort and assurance.

Bob let his eyes connect back with Mikhail’s. He swallowed before he spoke.

“I’ve always had these episodes ever since I was a kid. There’s a high, then there’s a big low, and then my memory; it just goes blank. Always been like that, repeating like an endless cycle. I don’t think that’s ever going to change. That’s my normal life, I guess.”

Mikhail’s brow furrowed. An endless cycle; something he understood. All these attempts to feel something – to feel joy, to escape from the guilt that ate him up at every waking hour, to escape everything he’d done in the past, they had all been fruitless. He always fell back to the same old habits. He thought having his freedom meant he could finally have a life; his life. It turned out that he didn’t know what that meant, he didn’t know how to be without someone telling him what to do.

He really did try. He thought that once he was more comfortable in his body that it would lead to being able to exist in the world differently, to be able to climb out of the gray and see color. Maybe he had in some ways. But the emptiness never left. And it got harder and harder to keep trying each day that passed. He was still trying, but he didn’t think he could keep it up for long.

Before Mikhail could say anything, the truck stopped. He could hear a man’s muffled voice from outside and Walker talking back. The man was asking for identification and John wasn’t being able to shake him off.

Bob turned to the side, the look of fear washing over his face. Mikhail looked to see in the rear-view mirror that soldiers were starting to surround them.

Shit.

It was all up to Walker to get them off their trail, and he really wasn’t the most charming man to do this.

Mikhail noticed Bob’s expression shifting more and more for the worse. Mikhail would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried either. He reached for Bob’s hand and gave it a squeeze. The other man turned to him, and for a moment, Mikhail could see a faint ring of gold appear in Bob’s eyes.

And then – darkness.

Mikhail suddenly found himself in a hospital room, the sound of a heart monitor beeping echoed throughout. He blinked, and as he opened his eyes, he saw another him standing next to a bed with a woman in it.

Mama.

He remembered this, it was a bit over a year ago. After being freed from his brainwashing, Mikhail had done research about his family, his parents, and he’d found them. He never had the courage to talk to them, but he’d been keeping tabs on them. He only saw them in person once. His dad from afar as he roamed around a hospital, and his mom on her deathbed in that same hospital.

He only had a couple minutes to see her before anyone could find him in her room. “Mama,” his other self whispered under his breath.

Footsteps started to approach and his past-self made his way out. Current-Mikhail turned to where the footsteps came from, only to find Bob standing next to him, looking just as confused as he was.

Mikhail blinked, and all at once he was back in the truck. Bob wasn’t there anymore. Instead, Ava called to him. “Snap out of it!” she yelled out.

He blinked a few more times before he turned to her. “What’s going on?” He could hear gunfire outside.

“Oh no. Bob helped,” Mikhail heard Yelena say in the front.

Ava phased to the front of the vehicle. Mikhail peeked out the door of the truck and saw Bob running back towards the building, shooting his gun upwards. Before Mikhail could do anything, the soldiers opened fire.

“Bob!” Mikhail screamed, his voice drowned out by the cacophony of bullets.

It felt like an eternity before the guns stopped. Mikhail could feel something stuck in his throat. He wanted to yell out, but he froze as, from afar, he saw Bob’s body hitting the floor.

“Come on, let’s go,” he heard Ava say. “Come on, let’s go! That’s why he did it.”

And then the truck moved.

Mikhail closed the doors and went back to his seat. They’d gotten away… but at what cost.

It shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t fucking matter. He’d watched so many people die in his life, a lot of them by his own hands. Bob was just another. People died everyday. And yet, all he could think about were Bob’s eyes, the supposed sincerity they held when he told Mikhail that he was a nice person. The way he liked someone calling him Misha — the way he liked the way Bob called him that.

It didn’t fucking matter, people who didn’t deserve to die left this world unfairly all the time.

Bob… didn’t deserve to go like that.

Mikhail tried to steady his breathing. The road felt bumpy and he heard a rumbling outside. Or maybe that was his head spinning. It left as quickly as it came. Mikhail buried his face in his hands, still trying to get a rhythm for his breathing.

The rumbling came back about a minute later, Mikhail figured it was the weather outside. Then – a loud thud, and the truck jolted sideways, flying into the air.

The truck landed somewhere, and by some miracle, all four of them were intact. Mikhail busted himself out of the back and joined the other three. “What the hell was that?!” he blurted.

“That was — that was Bob,” Yelena said. “It’s her; Valentina. She did that to him.”

“B-Bob…?” Mikhail muttered.

He was alive? And could fly apparently, according to the others. Whatever that medical study Bob was in, it worked. And Val probably didn’t even know, she was going to burn him in that room along with the rest of them. She treated him as a disposable object, easily thrown away when she thought he had no purpose. The thought made Mikhail’s blood boil.

“She turned him into a tomahawk cruise missile,” Walker commented. “You were right, she’s trying to kill us.”

“To test on someone like that…” Yelena muttered to herself, “It’s inhuman.”

Mikhail knew where Yelena was coming from. He had no doubt they were thinking about the same thing.

“She’s lost it,” Walker said.

“Nope.” Yelena turned around and handed pieces of paper to Ava. “She found it. And she will use it.”

“What is this?” Ava asked as she flipped through the papers.

Project Sentry: Power of a Thousand Exploding Suns – Golden Guardian of Good. The Ghost handed the pages to Mikhail and Walker as she glanced at them.

“There was a rumor that O.X.E. was on the verge of some big breakthrough,” Walker started, “Whatever it was, it was way too extreme. Test subjects were dying. The government looked into it, Val shut it down, she put me on clean-up duty.”

Ava sighed. “I say we just forget all of this and get home.”

“And leave Bob?” Mikhail hissed.

“Anyone hungry?” Walker asked, everyone turning to him with a brow raised. “Cactus berry.” He got down on his knee and started hacking at some cactus.

“So um— that woman back there,” Ava prompted, “You guys knew her?”

Mikhail nodded.

“Yeah, I did,” Yelena responded. “She had a tough life. She killed a lot of people, and then she got killed. Same as us someday.”

Mikhail could feel the shield on his back getting heavier somehow. Antonia’s agency was taken from her all her life, just like his and Yelena’s. Maybe she even had it worse than them. He wished things could’ve been different.

“It’s a shit life,” Ava said, her voice breaking slightly.

“Well. What other lives can we have?” Walker said as he handed the group pieces of the cactus berry.

“I thought you said you had a loving wife and kid waiting for you back home,” Mikhail questioned.

Walker frowned. “Yeah. Well.”

“How do you do it?” Ava asked him.

John shrugged. “Just keep working at it everyday. Never give up.”

His words sounded like they were hanging on the last thread of hope.

“Wow. Beautiful,” Yelena teased, “Dr. Phil, that was really beautiful.”

The rest of them laughed, even Walker. They proceeded to walk onward, having exchanges and banter every now and again. For the first time this night, Mikhail felt like he could lower his guard a little bit around these people without getting himself killed.

Despite that, his mind was on Bob the entire time. Mikhail knew better than to feel sympathy for someone he’d just met hours ago. Bob was nobody to him, no one of importance. Just some guy that Mikhail had no obligation to save whatsoever. Just that – if even an ass-hat like John Walker could find it in himself to work alongside the rest of them, and if Ava could choose to come back for them when it was the easy choice to just leave, that had to count for something, right?

Maybe it didn’t matter that Bob was some nobody that Mikhail had only just met. He was choosing for it not to matter, and despite it not making sense, he was choosing for Bob to matter. And he was gonna do something about if it was the last fucking thing he did. He’d promised Bob he was gonna get him out, and he planned to keep that promise.

Hang tight, Bob. I’m coming.

Chapter Text

Most of Mikhail’s days were pretty routine. He would get up from bed and get a coffee at a cafe nearby. He’d read the paper or, if he had an assignment on that day, he would review the case, then go to bed at the end of the day. Anything in-between mostly blurred together in hazy memories. It wasn’t like anything special was happening, neither bad nor good. They were fine — his days were fine. For the most part, easy enough to get through.

Sometimes it felt unfair to complain about the emptiness. Things could be so much worse, he’d seen worse many times. So Mikhail learned to live with it. Some days he dared to challenge that if things could be worse, surely they could be better too. That’s where hope came in, and soon after followed disappointment.

What if he went to a restaurant too fancy for his taste and ordered something he’d never had before?

What if he learned to draw? What if he went on a roller coaster? What if he went on a date?

All of these; desperate attempts to fill some unspeakable void. Nothing really stuck. The days kept on going the same way they always did. So he did what he knew best, he worked. Valentina was the only one willing to put an ex-Widow to work, and Mikhail had never trusted her for a single second, but none of these government institutions were ever what they claimed to be. He just hoped that the good stuff outweighed the bad.

Apparently, something people did when they felt like this was go to therapy; sounded dumb. He gave it a try. It took one session for him to realize that he couldn’t say anything that wouldn’t incriminate him and get himself locked up.

Whatever. He didn’t see how talking to some stranger would help him anyway. And he was fine. He was able to get through the days just fine.

But he was still trying. Some days he couldn’t, some days he didn’t want to, but every now and again he’d tell himself that things were going to change, get better. He’d do something else besides do assignments and missions for Val.

This was supposed to have been the last one. Well, it still was, there was no way in hell he’d go back to working for Valentina, who wouldn’t take him back, seeing as she tried to kill him anyway. This was his last mission.

Except things had changed. It wasn’t about stopping John Walker from stealing O.X.E. assets anymore, it wasn’t about escaping the warehouse. Bob was waiting for him, and Mikhail was gonna get him out of this.

He couldn’t ask the others to help him, to risk their lives for whatever spontaneous nonsense this was. He was waiting until they could get away to safety before he’d go back. They walked for hours, the sun eventually rose up, and by some unpredictable turn of events, Yelena’s dad, the Red Guardian appeared, driving a limo.

“Yelena! It’s your dad!” the super soldier yelled out. “Don’t go in the vault! Valentina is going to burn you alive!”

Yelena looked like she wanted to hide away from embarrassment. She gave her dad a thumbs up before the group started walking towards him.

“Your dad is The Red Guardian?!” Mikhail giddily asked.

Yelena nodded in response. He would definitely need to ask her about it later, if he would even have a later, but for now it seemed like it was safe for him to leave the group.

He didn’t get the chance. The next thing he knew, they were being shot at; amidst the incessant gunfire, it was all they could do to enter the Red Guardian’s limo and drive off.

When he opened his eyes, Bob found himself in some dimly lit room. Before he could even wake up properly, a soft voice called out to him.

“Hi,” a woman said, “How are you feeling, Robert? You feeling comfortable?”

“Yeah,” Bob managed to croak out.

“My name is Valentina Allegra de Fontaine.”

Bob frantically sat up, pointing a finger at Valentina. “You tried to kill us.”

She shushed him, trying to calm him down. “Let me explain,” she said calmly, “would you like that?”

Bob nodded hesitantly.

“You signed up for a medical study, which was, as advertised, at the cutting edge of human improvement. But not everybody can handle the amount of greatness we had in mind—“

“What’s happened with Misha?” Bob cut in.

“Who?” Valentina responded, confusion on her face.

Bob frowned. “What about Yelena and the others?”

“Oh.“ Valentina’s expression shifted to one of skepticism. “Those people you were with, those people are not honest people. They’re criminals – villains, really.”

“No— they helped me…”

It all happened so fast. One moment Mikhail and the gang were trying to escape the soldiers chasing and shooting after them in what he could only describe as Alexei’s party limo, and the next, the Winter Soldier showed up and saved them? Except not really? Because the next thing Mikhail knew, Bucky had shot an explosive at them, tipping the vehicle over.

When he came to, Mikhail found himself tied up alongside the others in some abandoned garage, Yelena nudging him on his shoulder trying to get him to wake up.

“No, no, no!” Alexei exclaimed as he tried to squirm out of his cuffs, “Just when I get my team together. Mister Soldier, you are making terrible mistake!”

“Save it for the committee,” Bucky responded.

“What committee?” Yelena asked.

“You are all evidence against the impeachment trial against Valentina.”

Mikhail blinked as he turned to the others, who collectively chuckled cynically.

“We don’t even work for Valentina anymore, she tried to kill us,” Ava retorted.

“We were ordered to destroy all her secrets, but really we were sent to kill each other in this vault,” Walker added.

“She had a whole incinerator to burn us alive and everything,” Mikhail said.

“But then we met Bob,” Yelena said.

The mention of the man’s name made Mikhail wince. He couldn’t even imagine what they might be doing to him at that very moment. Every minute he spent here being tied up gave Val more time to hurt him.

“I have to save him,” he said. Yelena and the others turned to him, confusion on their faces. “Let me go back for him and I’ll testify against Val, anything you want.”

“Who the hell’s Bob?” Bucky asked.

“There was a man in the vault,” Yelena started, “she’s done something to him called Project Sentry.”

“He shot up into the sky, he exploded, and then he crashed into this mountain, and he died, didn’t die—“

“I got it,” Bucky cut Ava off, “he’s very, very scary.”

“That’s not the point—“ Mikhail started to say before Walker interrupted.

“Cut the shit, Bucky.”

The Winter Soldier turned to the former Captain, eyes narrowing. He approached Walker as he spoke. “Alright, Walker. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I know you, Congressman Barnes. So listen to what we’re trying to tell you.”

“Yeah, and I know you, John,” Bucky spat, “And you made your choices. I know it’s been hard since Olivia left you and took your kid, but still. This is on you.”

Walker looked like he had something stuck in his throat. Yelena and Mikhail turned to him as if expecting some sort of explanation, but he simply shrugged in response and looked away.

“Bucky, there won’t be a committee, okay?” Ava tried to reason. “There might not even be a government. She has some big—“

“Yeah, I got it,” Bucky interrupted once more, “named Bob, or Sentry, who flies, right? And you’re all heroes going after Val, ready to save the day—“

“We were just trying to get home alive, actually,” Yelena retorted.

“That’s even more pathetic!” Bucky scolded.

“Okay – you guys are going home, I’m going back for Bob,” Mikhail told everyone.

“When did you even decide this?” Yelena angrily spat out.

“I was just waiting until you guys got to safety and—“

“And you did not think to tell us?” Yelena said, her anger unwavering.

“I—“

Bucky’s phone rang. “Alright. Plane lands in six minutes. Stay quiet until then,” he told them before answering his phone.

“Why did you not tell us?” Yelena ignored Bucky and turned to Mikhail.

He took a breath before he spoke. “Look. None of us asked to be in this situation. I don’t even know what I’m doing, but I can’t just leave Bob, and I also can’t risk you guys getting further involved just because I’m stupid enough to want to save some guy we met last night.”

“That’s bullshit,” Walker argued.

“Excuse me?” Mikhail retorted.

“We are not saving anyone,” Ava countered. “We’re not even—“

Yelena shushed the group and gestured towards Bucky. Mikhail bit his tongue and turned his attention to the Winter Soldier.

“What guy?” Bucky asked the person on the other line after a few seconds. “Bob—“

“Bob!” the rest of them echoed.

The Winter Soldier’s expressions shifted as the phone call went on. Mikhail wondered what was being said on the other side of this conversation, but whatever they were saying it was finally making Bucky understand the gravity of the situation. Eventually the soldier hung up.

“Bob,” he said in agreement with all of them. The gang repeated the man’s name in response.

“It’s bad, Bucky,” Yelena told him.

Bucky seemed to be considering something, shaking his head and clenching his jaw. A moment after, he approached the group and uncuffed them one by one. “I’m letting you go. You’re coming with me.”

“Why?” Ava asked.

Alexei shushed her. “For the glory.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Well, you know Valentina. She’s got this thing out there,” Bucky started, ignoring the Red Guardian. “People are gonna get hurt and we gotta stop her.”

“Wait. Us?” Yelena responded.

“What, you got some place to be?” Bucky deadpanned.

“I’ll go with you,” Mikhail said and raised his hand. “But let the others go, this has nothing to do with them.”

“And it does with you?” Ava said.

“Well, no—“

“You’ll get yourself killed,” Walker added.

“I can’t do this alone,” Bucky interrupted. “I need your help.”

“Bucky, you have the wrong people. We’re not heroes,” Yelena said, shaking her head.

They fell silent. Mikhail knew she was right, everyone else probably did too. They weren’t even good people, forget heroes. Nothing he did could ever change that, his past always had and always would define him. But also— “I don’t think I care.”

The rest of them turned to Mikhail, even Bucky.

“I promised Bob I’d get him home. He put himself on the line just to get us out, I’d like to return the favor. I don’t care if it doesn’t erase everything I’ve done, that’s not why I’m— I just—” He bit his lip. Even Mikhail didn’t know where he was going with this. He had no words to explain why he felt so strongly about getting Bob out of there, it just was. Stopping Valentina, all that came second. All that mattered was for him to save his friend and get him home.

Friend. That word sounded nice.

Everyone looked at Mikhail, not saying a single word. Mikhail more than anyone would understand if the others didn’t want to get involved. Every man for himself; it wasn’t selfishness, it was knowing that the only real person anyone could count on was themselves in a world that constantly punished good deeds. Mikhail wanting to help Bob wasn’t coming from the goodness of his heart: it was for selfish, undecipherable reasons. And his penance would surely follow.

“Look. I’ve been where you are,” Bucky said, cutting through the silence. “You can run, but it doesn’t go away. Sooner or later it catches up to you, and when it does, it’s too late.” He turned to look each one of them in the eye. “So you can either do something about it now or live with it forever.”

Alexei turned to Yelena expectantly as she sighed. The rest of them followed, waiting for the ex-Widow’s decision. She looked to face Mikhail. “Stop Val, save Bob.”

Mikhail nodded. They turned to the others for their response.

“Fine,” Walker said.

Ava also nodded. “Come on then.”

“Yes!” Alexei roared so loudly that Ava winced at the sheer volume. “We are the West Chesapeake Valley Thunderbolts!”

Mikhail, Yelena, John, and Ava sat at the back of a truck, Alexei taking the front with Bucky driving. So much for that plane. At some point, Ava decided to showcase her array of weapons, Yelena and Walker followed after, and Mikhail told them he basically had the same things as Yelena, plus Antonia’s shield.

“Hey,” Mikhail started, but he didn’t really know how to continue. The others turned to him and as easy as it would’ve been to just not say anything at all, he figured it was too late now. “I’m glad you guys are coming.”

“You didn’t even tell us you were planning on going back,” Walker said, not aggressively more so than prompting.

Mikhail felt like shrinking. He had a good reason, one he thought everyone agreed with, he still thought they would’ve at the time. He felt some form of shame that kids probably felt when they got caught doing something wrong, for hiding something.

“I just thought that everyone just wanted to go home at that point. I did. Just that…” Mikhail’s words drifted off.

“Gotta do it for good ol’ Bob, yeah?” Ava finished for him.

Mikhail’s face lit up. He flashed a smile at Ava. “Yeah.”

“Why do you want to help him so badly?” Yelena asked beside him.

“Don’t you?” Mikhail responded quizzically.

“Well, yes, but you were planning on going back for him all this time. Why?” Yelena asked persistently.

Mikhail still didn’t have a clear answer. Maybe it was about not wanting to owe Bob for giving himself up so they could escape, but that didn’t make sense, and it would render his sacrifice pointless anyway. It must be because he’d somehow formed a sort of friendly connection with the man in the little time they’d spent together. Because he felt some form of sympathy and familiarity with the small dots he could connect about Bob. Felt that tug in his chest whenever the man called him Misha; when he thought about how Bob was the first person that seemed to genuinely believe that Mikhail could be a nice person, maybe even a good person. Despite the guns and the fighting and knowing that Mikhail was an ex-assassin, he had still found it possible to think of him as something else, something good.

And maybe, in some world that didn’t exist, once this whole thing was all over, Mikhail would like to see Bob again. To want to have more of that warm feeling he got during his short time with him in that vault. In some reality where they didn’t end up getting themselves killed by Valentina and her people, he thought he would like to be able to look forward to days where he wasn’t alone, where he was with his friend. Who called him Misha.

The words didn’t come. He failed to form a coherent answer for Yelena and started feeling a little uncomfortably warm, his face particularly. He bit his lip and shrugged, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He almost jumped when Yelena patted him on his shoulder.

“I see,” she said.

Mikhail heard a soft chuckle coming from John and Ava.

See what? Mikhail thought. He cleared his throat.

“He doesn’t deserve what Val did to him. And I have a bone to pick with that woman,” Mikhail said, deflecting the focus off Bob.

“She’s gonna get what’s coming for her,” Walker said determined.

“That’s the spirit, Cap,” Mikhail teased.

Walker rolled his eyes. “I’m not Captain America anymore, remember?”

“Why are you still wearing the suit though?” Ava chimed in.

He shrugged. “Val gave it to me when she hired me. Just changed the old one to black and gave me a new name; US Agent.”

Mikhail contemplated for a moment before making a face. “Doesn’t sound as catchy as Captain America.”

John rolled his eyes again.

The four of them went on with their idle chat. The question of code names came up, and when it came to Mikhail and Yelena, they simply shrugged and claimed it was probably just Black Widow for the both of them. They didn’t really get anything more specific than that in the Red Room. Ava commented on how that had the potential to get confusing, and Walker added that there was already an Avenger who went by that title.

Yelena briefly told them about her connection with Natasha. No one said anything else after that.

Eventually Bucky informed them that they would be arriving shortly. They double checked their gear and got ready for battle.

Bucky rammed the truck through the glass walls of the building. As soon as he got out, Valentina’s men immediately started shooting. The others got off soon after. Walker and Mikhail deflected the bullets with their shields and gave Yelena, Ava, and Alexei the opening to charge at them, taking them down one by one.

Once Walker took care of the ones shooting at them, Mikhail went over to Yelena, assisting her with the soldiers coming after her, the two stunning them with their Widow’s Bite in unison. Ava appeared and disappeared left and right, Alexei was bashing anyone that came close to him, and Bucky made use of his powerful metal arm.

It felt like they’d taken down dozens of them when a loud noise blared from the speakers, soon followed by a familiar voice.

“Jesus you guys, I literally just put that drywall in,” Valentina scolded, annoyance in her voice. “I left the door open for you, come up.”

All of them gave each other a knowing look – this was definitely a trap. The Winter Soldier bashed his head against the last of the troopers before dropping them on the ground and heading to the elevator, with the rest of them following behind.

They ascended in silence.

Mikhail didn’t like how calm Valentina sounded, she wasn’t worried at all. Even if his brain was telling him to expect the worst, Mikhail didn’t know what that would look like. He just needed Bob to be okay and the rest he would deal with.

The elevator door opened. As they got off, Val was there to welcome them, making herself a drink.

“How crazy is it to think of all the monumental fights that happened exactly here where you’re standing.”

Even Mikhail knew this one, this used to be the Avengers Tower before they disbanded. He’d heard that they were reforming though, so Val getting a hold of this place must’ve been some rich people shit.

“I don’t really care,” Val continued, “I mean, the place wasn’t cheap, but it’s got good optics.”

“This ends today,” Bucky said, ignoring her antics.

“Congressman Barnes, wow. You know, I never really thought you’d have a promising political career, but – less than half a term? Yikes.”

“We’re taking you in, Val,” Walker chimed in.

Valentina laughed at him. “I don’t think so, Junior Varsity Captain America.”

Walker rolled his eyes and reached for his gun. Bucky called for him to stop.

Valentina went on to take more jabs at everyone else, telling Yelena she looked awful and calling their little ‘team’ cute. She showed genuine confusion when she saw Alexei, claiming to never have heard of him.

“That’s enough, Val,” Mikhail demanded.

“Aww,” she exclaimed so condescendingly that it made Mikhail just want to punch her in the face, “Little Mickey always wanting to play nice. I don’t know why you’re mad at me, I gave you what you wanted; this was supposed to be your final assignment.”

“Eat shit, Valentina,” Yelena scolded.

He didn’t have the time to dwell on it, but Mikhail appreciated Yelena’s prompt defense.

“Where’s Mel?” asked Bucky.

“Mel?” Valentina feigned confusion. “Oh, Mel. She’s having a little loyalty issue, but I’m just so grateful that she stayed long enough to lure you all in.”

The Winter Soldier seemed to have gotten to his limit. He took Valentina’s drink and reached for her neck. Only he didn’t – his hand was stuck hovering just in front of Val.

“I’m not alone,” Val said coyly. “Robert?”

A figure descended from the stairs.

“Oh my god,” Yelena exclaimed.

Mikhail winced.

Coming down the stairs was Bob, except it was a completely different man. He wore a tight, golden suit with the Sentry Project emblem, his hair slicked back, not a single strand out of place. And he had a cape, because of-fucking-course.

“He’s changed a little…” Ava commented.

“Bob?” Mikhail called out.

“It is my great honor to introduce to you The Sentry,” Val announced proudly.

“Hey guys,” Bob greeted sheepishly.

It was still him. He stood taller, and his beautiful dark curls might be blonde now, but it was still him. Mikhail could tell from his eyes. Right?

“Wow. That’s cool name,” Alexei said.

“All-powerful. Invincible. Stronger than all of the Avengers rolled into one. And soon-to-be known as Earth’s mightiest hero.”

Mikhail would like nothing more than to wipe that smug look off of Val’s face. She took advantage of Bob’s vulnerability, his desire to become a better version of himself, and turned him into this… this—

“Have you dyed your hair?” Ava asked Bob.

“Y-yeah, well—“ Bob stammered.

“It was my idea,” Val cut in. “People love a classic hero.”

“I liked it better brown,” Mikhail spat at Val before turning to Bob, “You were prettier.”

Valentina made a face. Bob averted his gaze away from Mikhail and looked at the ground, seemingly not knowing what to say to that.

“So what’s the plan?” Bucky asked Valentina.

“You haven’t figured it out yet, Bucky?” Val shook her head. “At least you’re kinda cute.”

“You are not going to hurt people,” Alexei threatened.

“Oh, no – I’m not going to hurt people,” Val scoffed, “I’m going to hurt you. You see, the press is on their way here now. They’re gonna witness the awesome power of The Sentry as he takes down this ruthless group of rogue agents, thus beginning a new era in which I decide how to keep the American people safe – answering to no one. I’ll be unimpeachable.”

Val’s whole monologue sounded insane. Mikhail knew what ego looked like, this was on a new level. He eyed Bob as Val spewed her unhinged speech, and he wasn’t convinced the man actually wanted to be a part of this. He could still persuade his friend to stop this nonsense.

“That’s never gonna happen,” Bucky told Val.

Val shook her head. “Sentry. Your first mission is to take out these criminals.”

Bob hesitated. “I don’t wanna hurt you guys,” he said. “Why don’t you just turn yourselves in?”

“You don’t wanna do this, Bobby,” Walker threatened.

Bob’s eyes narrowed, wincing at the mention of his name. “You can call me Sentry.”

“I preferred Bob,” Mikhail stated firmly. “It’s short and sweet, it’s a classic, remember?”

The blonde man stared at him in the eyes, almost unmoving. “Bob was a nobody, Mikhail. I’m Sentry now.”

Mikhail could feel his face dropping. Val did something to him; poisoned him, put her own words in Bob’s mouth. That wasn’t Bob referring to Mikhail by his name, that was the target Valentina had put on him and the others. Mikhail the criminal, the rogue agent, the bad guy. Val had removed Misha from his friend.

“Robert, they don’t think you’re good enough,” Val said venomously.

“That’s not true!” Yelena countered desperately. “You can trust me, I know you.”

Bob shook his head. “I don’t think that you do,” he said coldly.

“Enough talking!” Alexei roared out. “No one messes with the West Chesapeake Valley Thunderbolts!”

“Thunderbolts?” Valentina questioned, raising her brow.

The Red Guardian charged at Val, but Sentry was quick to step in and send Alexei flying with just one punch. Bucky pulled out his guns and Walker threw his shield at Sentry. Ava momentarily ran forward before promptly dematerializing.

“No, no!” Yelena yelled as she tried to get in between the Thunderbolts and Sentry, but they ignored her and continued to charge at Sentry who sent them flying back with ease.

Mikhail saw Valentina getting away and went after her instead. With Sentry being distracted by the others, Mikhail slipped past him as he chased Valentina.

“You snake!” Mikhail hissed at her. “What did you do to him?!”

“Why do you even care? Don’t tell me you’ve gone soft, Mickey,” she said condescendingly. “Oh, Robert?” Before Mikhail could even get his hands on her, Sentry appeared from behind and grabbed Mikhail’s arm.

“Bob, stop this!” Mikhail pleaded.

“I don’t wanna hurt you. Just surrender.”

Mikhail swung his other arm and connected his Widow’s Bite on The Sentry, releasing a high voltage of electricity that seemed to do nothing. Sentry tossed him to the side.

Alexei drew a knife that did nothing. Sentry threw him into the air with telekinesis.

Bucky shot at him multiple times, Sentry stopped the bullets midair and sent them back Bucky’s way, with Walker jumping in to block the bullets with his shield.

Ava tried to sneak up on him, but Sentry caught her as she materialized and knocked her down with a single blow. Walker tried to hit him with his shield, but Sentry absorbed the attack with ease and bent US Agent's shield.

Yelena went to help Mikhail up and together they pounced on Sentry. Yelena jumped onto his shoulders and connected her Widow’s Bites on his neck while Mikhail tried to strike him on his legs with his batons. Sentry simply kicked Mikhail off and flew up to slam Yelena onto the ceiling before tossing her to the side.

Alexei, Walker and Ava tried once more, only to get overpowered just the same.

Bucky jumped at him, getting a few blows in that barely made Sentry flinch. The blonde man caught the Winter Soldier’s fist and forcibly ripped his metal arm off, smacking Bucky with it before dropping it on the floor like it was nothing.

Everyone went up in a panic, running back towards the elevator in retreat. Walker and Alexei had to carry Bucky’s limp body.

“I’m so glad you were able to catch a glimpse before your retirement,” Valentina mocked. “Camera crews are assembling, finish the job, Robert.”

Mikhail tried to approach Val and Sentry, but Yelena pulled him back into the elevator as the door closed. Before it started to descend, Mikhail could hear a faint “no” from Sentry.

Mikhail and the others somehow made it out of the building alive. If Sentry hadn’t said no, they’d surely be dead by now.

Bucky managed to stand on his own and asked for his arm back, which Ava had thankfully retrieved back in the complex.

“Okay, we need new plan,” Alexei panted out.

Walker groaned. “We don’t have any new plans. That thing is too powerful.”

“We just need to think and regroup. There’s got to be a way to stop that guy,” Alexei argued.

“We’re not regrouping. This isn’t even a team,” Walker said.

“Of course we are a team – we are The Thunderbolts!” Alexei pleaded.

Walker started to argue, Alexei yelled back, their voices overlapping so that Mikhail could barely understand anything. He stood quietly on the side, not having anything to add to this. He was just trying to block it out when Yelena snapped.

“Oh my god, stop!” she yelled out. “There is no us, there is no we. Bob changed into that thing and there is nothing any of you can do about it.”

“And what did you do exactly?” Ava snarked back. “Because I seem to remember you getting your arse beat way worse than mine.”

“Yeah, yeah! I suck! I’m terrible! We’re all terrible!” Yelena retorted. “Ava, you’re not a hero, you’re not even a good person!”

“Bitch,” Ava mumbled under her breath.

“Yeah. See?” Yelena shook her head.

People passing by started to give them weird looks.

“Okay. Let’s just—“ Mikhail started.

“If we did not listen to you, none of this would have happened!” Yelena interrupted him.

“So it’s my fault that Valentina turned Bob into some monster?” Mikhail spat back at her.

“It was your idea to go back because for some reason you wanted to help Bob!”

“Don’t you?” Mikhail said angrily.

She had no right to pin this on him. Everyone here had agreed to do this, everyone had agreed that Val needed to be stopped. Some people’s priorities were a bit different than others, but at the end of the day the goal was all the same; put an end to Val’s plans and save Bob. How was he supposed to have known that Val would turn Bob on them? How was he supposed to have known that Bob or Sentry or whomever was invincible? It was not on him what’d just happened. It was not on him that they hadn’t been able to get Bob back. It— it couldn’t be...

Yelena didn’t respond to Mikhail.

“Slow down, umnichka,” Alexei tried to calm her, laying a hand on her shoulder.

She recoiled and pushed him away. “Alexei, I am not your umnichka! I haven’t heard from you or seen you in a year!”

Alexei’s face dropped.

“Hey, go easy on him,” Walker tried to deescalate.

“Oh, so you’re nice now?” Yelena snapped back at him.

“It’s my turn?” he said in a low voice.

“No, you know you’re a piece of trash, Walker, and so does your family.”

“Jesus,” Walker managed to utter under his breath.

“We’re all losers,” Yelena shrugged, “and we lost.”

She turned around and walked off. Alexei called for her, but got no response in return. He decided to go after her. Ava popped her helmet back on and disappeared.

Mikhail felt deflated. Yelena was right, they’d lost. He failed to stop Val, he didn’t get Bob back, it was probably just a matter of time before Valentina sent someone to finish them off. It was time to go back into the shadows for him.

He turned and started to walk away.

“So you’re just gonna go?” Walker asked behind him.

“What else are we supposed to do?” Mikhail said. “We lost, it’s over. I’m getting out of here before Val finds me.”

Walker didn’t respond. Mikhail thought that Walker would leave him alone, but Mikhail could still hear the former Captain’s footsteps behind him. He turned around. “What?” Mikhail asked aggressively.

Walker stayed quiet, standing with his shoulders slumped, his now taco-shaped shield still in hand. Mikhail assumed that Walker didn’t really know what to do now, either. He probably wasn’t used to being in the shadows like Mikhail. Eventually, he spoke.

“Can I ask you something?”

Mikhail didn’t say anything back, just nodded slightly.

“Why were you working for Val?” There was no judgment in Walker’s voice, just genuine curiosity, like he was looking for answers from beyond his question.

“I needed a job,” Mikhail said.

“That’s it?”

“What do you want me to say Walker?” Mikhail snapped. “I worked for her because that’s all I know. I’m just a — how did you put it? A cheap mercenary. I knew Val wasn’t perfect, but I thought—“ He shook his head, baffled at his own stupidity. “I know no one in the government is ever who they say they are, but I thought— I hoped that whatever shady things Val told me to do were justified means for the bigger picture. I thought I was doing something good. Guess that’s on me. I—“

Mikhail was starting to get choked up; he was only able to get it back together thanks to the look John gave him, one that screamed that ‘that was not the time to break down.’ He shook it off.

“You know. After I got away from the Red Room, I told myself that for every bad thing I did in the past that I was gonna make it up with something good, and that one day I might be able to atone for them. It’s dumb.”

He shrugged. Walker still didn’t say anything.

“Why did you work for her?”

“I don’t know,” Walker said, now taking his turn to shrug. “Same reason why I accepted being Captain America, I guess. I wanted to help people.”

“How noble,” Mikhail commented almost sarcastically.

“No, like, I wanted to be someone who helped people. Someone people counted on and saw as a hero, or whatever. Less noble if you think about it.”

Mikhail nodded. “I guess at the end of the day we all just want someone to see us as something good. Except it’s so much easier to see the bad.”

A voice echoed in Mikhail’s head, Bob’s, telling him how he was nice in a way that had a complete lack of irony. It was baffling that that man who’d only met him a few hours then, would believe him to be someone good, even knowing that he’d been sent thereto kill someone else.

And Mikhail had lost him.

Val took advantage of Bob’s desire to be a better person and turned him into that monster. Val took away the one person that made him feel like maybe this whole thing was worth seeing through, that it would eventually let him feel something again.

Walker sighed. “What will you do now?”

Before Mikhail could answer, he noticed that the people around them were looking up in the sky. He turned around and up to find a dark, familiar figure hovering high over them. His chest sank. “Oh my god. That’s – that’s Bob.”

Two helicopters approached and the men inside started shooting at Bob, making very little to no impact whatsoever. Mikhail saw Bob lift his hand and the next thing he knew the copters were crashing into a scaffolding which then fell and collided into the old Avengers building.

Walker and Mikhail looked at each other, and without words they understood and wasted no time.

Chaos immediately ensued. Bystanders ran as chunks of buildings came crashing down on the ground. Mikhail tried to get as many people to safety as he could, pushing them away from the falling debris.

A little ahead, he saw Walker running towards a big slab of concrete about to fall on a civilian. The former Captain stopped it in time, but it seemed to be too heavy even for him. Mikhail sprinted over to aid him, and he too started pushing the slab with all he had, but it still wasn’t enough.

That is, until Ava appeared out of nowhere and lent them her strength, and soon after, Alexei, then Yelena and Bucky. With all six of them, they were able to push the heavy concrete slab down.

“You guys came back,” Mikhail breathed out, panting.

He almost jumped when applause broke from the people he hadn’t even noticed had gathered around. They clapped and cheered for them.

Sure, it was a nice feeling, but Mikhail mostly feltuncomfortable being in the spotlight. Some of them seemed to be enjoying the attention though, Alexei was even waving at and salutingthe people.

All of a sudden, the large man ran past the rest of them, rushing to a little girl about to be squashed by a chunk of concrete. Alexei used his sturdy body to block and break it. “You’re safe, little one,” he told the little girl.

It looked like Mikhail’s eyes were playing tricks on him: the next moment, the girl was gone, reduced to nothing but her stretched out shadow on the ground.

More people around them followed, and Mikhail felt a chill on the back of his neck. Bob’s black figure descended slowly.

“You’ll all know the truth,” it said. It raised its hand towards more running panicked civilians, turning them into shadows on the ground, too. The space around the figure grew darker and darker, all color and light draining to replace its surroundings with nothing but empty blackness. “You can’t outrun the emptiness.”

“I think Bob’s dark side got superpowers,” Walker said.

“Let’s go, let’s go!” Alexei called out to them. Walker, Ava, Alexei and Bucky started to gesture to the civilians to run the opposite direction from the dark figure. Mikhail noticed that Yelena had not moved.

The darkness was expanding more and more, swallowing the city and turning anyone it touched to mere shadows on the pavement. Yelena started to walk towards it.

“Yelena?” Mikhail called out from behind her. “What are you doing?!” he asked in their mother tongue.

The darkness approached them, Yelena gazing up at Bob’s figure. It spoke to her.

“It’s like you said; we’re all alone.” It turned slightly, facing Mikhail. “All of us.”

“Wait!” Alexei yelled from a distance. “Yelena!”

She turned to him for a moment before facing Mikhail, not saying a single word. She took a deep breath and before Mikhail knew it she took a step forward.

“Yelena!” Mikhail called out. He reached to grab her hand and pull her back, but as her foot touched the ground, she vanished, Mikhail along with her.

When Mikhail came to, he was in the middle of the woods. He could hear a soft voice calling to him, by a name he no longer went by.

“What did you want to show me?” the voice asked.

As soon as he got back on his feet, Mikhail scouted his surroundings and headed towards the voice. As soon as he saw her, it all came back to him. His first mission; his first kill.

Irina was so annoying. She always made fun of Mikhail, telling him his eyes looked funny, and making the other girls join in too. She took every opportunity to belittle him and make him look bad. And of course that always ended with Mikhail getting punished by their guardians.

At some point, Mikhail heard some words in passing about a first mission, what it entailed, so he befriended Irina, pretended to admire her. She acted so proud, like she was entitled to everyone’s respect and adoration. Mikhail was patient, endured Irina’s insufferable presence until the day he was given his first mission.

He’d convinced Irina that he’d seen something interesting in the woods and wanted to show it to her that night. ‘His little secret’ was what he’d told her, knowing she wouldn’t stand not knowing something Mikhail did.

So they’d gone to the woods. He’d taken her far enough that no one would hear a sound and then he’d left her alone for a minute, telling her he was gonna get something. Then, he’d returned with the man who gave him his mission and had shot her in cold blood.

Mikhail remembered it vividly. How he’d thought he’d feel some form of satisfaction, only for his heart to drop just as Irina’s body did on the ground. He’d regretted it immediately, had wanted to cry out and take it back, but he couldn’t. Any show of emotion would have led him to the same fate. So he said nothing and went back.

And now he was here again. The last thing he remembered was trying to stop Yelena from stepping forward, and then – darkness.

“Bob?” he called out, “Yelena?”

“Irina,” Mikhail heard from his younger self.

He turned around to see his instructor coming out of the shadows.

“No — no, no, no…!”

He ran to Irina and wrapped his arms around her, trying to block his instructor from shooting her. He thought he’d get shot down by his instructor, instead it was Irina who attacked him and threw him down on the ground.

Mikhail groaned from the pain, then he heard Irina’s voice calling out to him again. His instructor appeared and shot her. Then it repeated, and then again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled before he ran away.

“Yelena! Bob!” he called out as he sprinted.

Out of nowhere, a glass wall appeared and he crashed right into it, shattering the glass. His surroundings changed. No longer was he in the woods, but in a small room with many glass walls, each like a window showing himself at different points in his past.

One after another, the dead bodies dropped as Mikhail murdered them mercilessly. Each wall showed every instance he took a life under the orders of the Red Room, the past he could never get away from. Each gunshot boomed in his ears, each scream from the victims he’d stabbed with a knife pierced the air, and they cycled through in an endless, repeating loop.

Mikhail had to fight his urges to just drop down, close his eyes and block everything out. He looked around him, trying to find any way to get out of there, flinching every time one more body dropped dead.

“Bob, let me out of here!” he yelled out.

From the corner of his eye, he saw a side of the wall that was different from the others. It was still him, but he was just standing next to a bed. He took his shield and bashed through the glass, escaping his prison.

“Mama…”

He was back in the hospital room.

His past self stood next to his mom’s bed, gazing down on her. Mikhail remembered that back then, he’d only had a few minutes before he’d had to get out of there; he supposed that didn’t matter here. He approached his past self.

“Why did we never talk to them?” he asked the Mikhail in front of him rhetorically. He didn’t actually expect him to acknowledge him.

“You know why,” he said.

“I was worried they’d be ashamed of me.”

Past Mikhail shook his head. “You and I both know that’s not true,” he said skeptically.

“I—“

“Let me spell it out for you: you were afraid they wouldn’t care. You were afraid that they wouldn’t even remember you.”

Mikhail turned away from himself and stayed quiet. It was the truth. When he was doing research for his parents he’d learned that they had another child, his younger brother. Instead of looking for him, they just replaced him like he was a piece of furniture.

It wasn’t like he thought he could find his parents and everything would be good and they’d be a happy family. Just that – well, he didn’t know what he thought. That maybe if he reconnected with them that he’d get something that he’d lost a long time ago back, a piece of him that the Red Room had taken. That if there was anyone out there, anyone that could be capable of loving him, it would be his mom and dad.

“Does it ever go away?” Past Mikhail asked him.

“What?” he said, his back still turned.

“The emptiness. Does it go away?”

He couldn’t answer. The other Mikhail probably already knew the answer, he just wanted Mikhail to say it. No, the emptiness never went away. Sometimes it would take a step back, but it was always there inside. Any emotion, joy, whatever he would feel would eventually be snuffed out by the void. No matter how hard he tried, his days always ended in gray.

There was only one thing to say; no. He couldn’t lie to himself, it didn’t work like that, not in here. He sighed and opened his mouth, but before any words could come out, he heard a different voice.

“Misha?”

"What I said to you before was wrong, Bob. You can't stuff it down, you can't hold it in all alone. No one can. We have to let it out, we have to spend time together. And even if it doesn't make the emptiness go away I promise you it will feel lighter."

"How do you know?"

"Because it already has for me."

Bob lingered on Yelena's eye contact for a moment, eyes glassy and distant as if his mind had started to drift away elsewhere. Perhaps he was considering the possibility of Yelena's words being true, that the weight he carried in his chest could feel lighter if he had people around him. Someone who understood what it felt to carry this darkness through every waking moment. The thought of burdening these people with his existence didn't sit right with him, but for some reason he wanted to believe that maybe someone out there really did want to reach out, wanted to make a connection with him.

A slight tug pulled on his lips, the faintest of smiles forming. He turned to the side of the room from which Yelena had appeared just minutes ago. Yelena turned her head the same way, confused at first, but as an image of Mikhail materialized, the confusion faded away.

"Misha?" Bob called.

Mikhail turned to another of those many windows to his past, only this time he found his fellow ex-Widow and Bob sitting on the floor. His Bob, not The Sentry. "Come over here," Yelena simply said.

Mikhail took a deep breath. “I’m working on it,” he told his younger self. He took one last look at his mother before he stepped towards the mirror. Darkness engulfed him and the next thing he knew, he was in the same room with Bob and Yelena. "Been looking for you," he told Bob.

"You found me," Bob softly said to Mikhail.

Mikhail chuckled. “I think you found me.”

Mikhail took a seat next to Bob, putting him between the two ex-Widows. Bob's eyes darted to the floor and avoided eye contact. His lips curved into a small, cynical smile, maybe embarrassed. "Yelena said we should spend time together, that it'll make it easier."

Mikhail could only deduce so much of what had happened, but he assumed that Yelena had gotten the chance to talk to Bob a little, maybe she’d even convinced him to open the path for Mikhail to come here. He nodded towards Yelena, thanking her for leading him here, before he turned his attention to the solitary man. He reached for Bob's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

Bob always carried himself in a way that seemed like he was trying to make himself seem smaller, to take up less space. This time wasn't any different, he sat on the floor looking like he was trying to disappear along with the shame he bore. If Mikhail didn’t suspect that it was Bob’s choice for him to reach them, Bob’s demeanor would’ve made him think that Mikhail was the last person he wanted to see.

Mikhail didn't really know what to say, talking about feelings wasn't his area of expertise. He supposed he didn't really have anyone to do that with. But now here he was, at the end of the world, an abyss of shame, sitting with the first people he had felt some form of kinship with in a long time. If there was a time to try, now would be it. He swallowed.

"I saw my first mission," he started, "in one of the rooms." Mikhail took the Rubik’s Cube that Bob was fiddling with and started rotating the sides to solve it — his way of avoiding eye contact.

"Me too," Yelena responded.

"I guess we have more in common than I thought." Mikhail let out a dry laugh, finding zero humor in what he just said.

“I’m sorry,” said Bob.

"Don’t be. We all have things we're ashamed of. I thought I could run away from all of it, turns out that's just a recipe for loneliness and a whole lot of self-loathing. But I think... I'm willing to face them, and I think I'd like to do it together."

He solved the cube in less than a minute and dropped it on the floor, freeing his hand to reach for Bob's. He nudged the other man's shoulder with his, trying to get his attention. Bob's eyes met his own with hesitance. Mikhail gave Bob's hand a comforting squeeze, desperate to convey his intent.

Before anyone could respond, a loud, shattering noise echoed across the room. Beneath the cracks of the floorboards, Mikhail could see down into a different scene, one of three figures around a table.

“Oh, don’t mind them, that’ll be over soon,” Bob said with a wince.

The older man from below screamed at the boy and his mom, throwing stuff off the table in a fit of rage. The boy – Bob – stood between his father and mother in an attempt to protect her. “Don’t touch her,” the younger Bob said.

This only angered his dad more, who threw a chair to the side. “What do you think you are? A hero, Bobby?!”

“Don’t,” the woman said to her child, “You’re making it worse.”

His father raised his hand and swung a blow. Mikhail flinched and turned away, his eyes going back to face Bob.

Bob’s voice echoed in Mikhail’s head; ‘always making things worse’ he’d said back in the vault. The words felt like a punch in the gut.

"I’m sorry,” Mikhail breathed out, pushing away his own memories of a false-father he’d been assigned to as a child for a spy job.

“No, it’s fine,” Bob said forcefully. His expressions betrayed him as tears started to form around his eyes. He lowered his head shamefully.

Yelena took Bob’s other hand in her own.

“We don't have to go through this alone anymore. We’ll be here for each other.” Mikhail turned to Yelena. “Right?”

She nodded.

Bob sniffled and closed his eyes to let the tears drop. Mikhail could feel his chest sinking. How could one person hold this much pain? With his other hand, he reached up for Bob’s face and wiped his tears off. When Bob opened his eyes, Mikhail looked at him straight, a sympathetic smile on his face.

“We can try to find our way out of here together,” Yelena said to him. “Will you try and leave here with us?”

Bob turned to her. A moment of hesitation that went by just like that when Mikhail squeezed his hand once more. He nodded.

Yelena smiled at him. Before she could say anything, Bob wrapped himself around her.

“Look out!” he yelled as the table in the room threw itself at them, slamming against Bob and Yelena.

A chair followed, then everything else flew all around the room. The three of them got up and tried to shelter in a corner of the room, minimizing the angle the stuff around could fly at them from. But as Yelena touched a wall, it warped and tried to pull her in.

Bob grabbed a baseball bat, but was immediately knocked down by a bookshelf. Mikhail tried to help Yelena, but by the time he got close enough she’d elbowed the wall, freeing herself. The two of them went over to Bob in the middle of the room to help him up.

“Who is doing this, Bob?!” Yelena asked.

“I think I am—“ Bob started to say before a chair slammed against him.

Two sides of the curtains broke from its railing. The first one wrapped itself around Bob and Yelena’s necks on each end, while the other wrapped around Mikhail’s and hung itself onto the ceiling.

Mikhail squirmed and struggled to break free to no avail, hanging in the air as he watched Bob and Yelena being strangled as well.

“Try to get used to it, okay?” Bob suggested as the curtains wrapped tighter and tighter around their necks. “There’s no death here, pain only gets worse.”

It didn’t work. The curtains’ grip got stronger and stronger, Mikhail stopped being able to breathe. Just as Bob said, the pain only got worse. Getting used to it as Bob advised was impossible, but struggling wasn’t helping either. Mikhail could only close his eyes and wish for everything to end.

Death didn’t come, it couldn’t, as Bob stated. Instead, it was Bucky who arrived and hacked at the curtain, letting Mikhail drop down. Ava was also there and sliced the curtain restraining Bob and Yelena.

As the three of them took a moment to catch their breath, Walker and Alexei appeared as well, smashing and bashing at the objects and the walls that were trying to attack them.

“Lena…” Alexei breathed out.

“You guys came—“ Mikhail croaked out as he coughed.

“What did you see?” Yelena asked everyone, “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Bucky stated sarcastically. “I have a great past, so I’m totally fine.”

“This place is messed up,” Walker added.

“We are together, that’s all that matters,” Alexei said.

“Thank you, guys. Really.” Bob said to the others, his tone sincere and genuine.

“Of course,” Ava responded. “Here we are, Shane’s Elite Electronic Thunderbolts.”

“It’s not Shane’s!” Alexei moaned.

“Okay,” Walker said, changing the topic, “How do we get out of here?”

They all turned to Bob.

“As far as I know, it’s just endless rooms…”

“Wait,” Yelena started, “You said this was the nicest room you found, the others were way worse, right?”

“Yeah.” Bob nodded.

“Okay, well, show us the worst.”

Mikhail hated that idea. If this was the nicest room, a space where the pain could get so bad they wished for a death that would never come, he couldn’t even imagine the worst one. Nevertheless, it was a logical plan.

“We’ll be right here with you.” Mikhail flashed a determined smile at Bob. He wrapped his hand back around Bob’s and nodded for him to go on.

Bob took a deep breath before nodding back. He walked towards a doorway, the rest of them right behind him.

The hallway led them to a normal looking living room, the same angry man from before waiting for them. “Where are you going, Robert?!” he yelled at Bob.

Mikhail could feel him flinching, Bob’s fingers gripping his hand tighter. Walker wasted no time and stepped forward, bashing his taco-shaped shield onto the man’s face and knocking him down.

“He seems nice,” Ava deadpanned.

Bob’s father continued to yell, his words too slurred to be decipherable.

As the rest of them continued forward, the room started to shake and the walls closed in on them. They hurried through a closet door that threw them all of free-falling into the middle of a street. They barely got to compose themselves before Yelena got smacked in the face unusually hard by a plastic sign that read ALFREDO’S BAIL BONDS.

“Oh no—“ Bob mumbled.

A mascot chicken holding the sign screeched as it charged towards them, hitting anyone it could with its weaponized sign, twirling it expertly to attack them.

It swung at Mikhail, who in turn grabbed his shield to block the blow, but he was easily overpowered and was thrown back.

“Misha!” Bob called out.

Alexei was thrown at Bob whom he held onto to stabilize himself. “If you hit me with that sign one more time—“ Alexei was cut off as the chicken mascot swung at him again.

“I was on meth!” he yelled out apologetically.

The mascot started to charge towards Bob, but Mikhail quickly intercepted and stunned it with a Widow’s Bite. Bucky took the opening and launched his metallic fist to the chicken’s face, knocking it down.

“This way!” Mikhail heard Alexei call out.

He grabbed Bob by the hand and ran for the vent The Red Guardian was gesturing toward. The vent led them to another place, some sort of laboratory. The surroundings were devoid of color, the air felt cold and Mikhail could feel the hairs on his neck stick up. In front of them sat a dark figure, Bob’s figure, looking down and unmoving.

“I’ve been here before,” Yelena said.

“This is where it started,” Bob added, almost like a whisper. “I was roaming around Southeast Asia. I thought I’d figure something out, or at least find more drugs.”

The door behind them closed. Mikhail felt Bob letting go of his hand.

“And there’s this guy; he started talking to me about a medical study, a trial drug that could make me stronger. Felt like a miracle. I’d finally get to show everyone that I was more. That I was… something.”

A chilling voice spoke back. “And look what you’ve unleashed.”

The dark figure stood up and faced them. Mikhail realized it wasn’t Bob, but The Void. Despite everything about its appearance being too dark to be comprehensible, Mikhail couldn’t help but feel like it was staring right at him.

“The most shameful thing of all is thinking that you could be anything more than… nothing,” it said.

Bob winced.

“We’re leaving,” said Yelena, shaky determination in her voice.

The shadow stayed still for a moment. It wasn’t watching or observing them, it wasn’t thinking, it wasn’t being. Then, it shook its head. “No.”

A surgical table levitated into the air and promptly launched itself towards Yelena and Alexei, throwing them back and pinning the two against a wall. The table bent to restrict them from escaping.

At the same time, various objects launched towards the others, binding them in place and immobilizing each one. Mikhail dodged the table that flew at him, only to get caught by electrical cords that swiftly wrapped around his legs and dragged him next to a shelf. Another cord wrapped around his neck and tied him against the shelf. He tried to pull it off of him, but the more he tried, the tighter it got.

“Stop!” Bob pleaded. “Just let them go.”

“You think they care about you?” The shadow let out a cruel laugh. “You don’t matter. To anyone.”

“That’s not true!” Yelena yelled, but IV tubes wrapped around her neck before she could say more.

“Don’t listen to him, Bob!” Mikhail rasped through the choking. “There’s always someone who’ll care!”

Bob turned around to face Mikhail.

He couldn’t read Bob’s expressions. Maybe he didn’t believe Mikhail, and he couldn’t even blame Bob for it. Mikhail wasn’t sure he even believed himself. The thing was, he wanted to. To believe that even in the darkest corners of the world, there would always be someone who would be able to see them for who they are. Even in the worst room of this universe of shame, there would be six other people willing to give each other a chance.

The Void laughed again. “You know, your little fixation with him is embarrassing. Calling him by some cute nickname, acting like you’re friends, thinking that anyone could actually like you. Thinking that little Misha could actually see you as anything more than the pathetic failure that you are.”

Bob’s expressions shifted. Mikhail tried to call out to him, tell Bob that he didn’t think that way about him, but the electrical cords suffocated his voice. Bob turned back to face The Void, his fist clenching.

“Stop hurting them,” he told his shadow.

“Robert the Hero,” The Void mocked. It snapped its neck to the side, the glass in that direction shattering onto the rest of them.

Mikhail could only close his eyes to brace himself from the broken shards flying at them, cutting his skin from every which way.

“I’m stronger than you,” Mikhail heard Bob say.

Once the glass stopped Mikhail opened his eyes and turned back to Bob. He tried to call out once more, to no avail.

“Let’s see,” The Void taunted Bob.

Bob put his fists up. His form was far from ideal, he landed his first punch, but the next one was easily blocked by The Void who retaliated without hesitation. Two blows to Bob’s face followed by a punch to his ribs. The Void grabbed Bob by his neck and knocked him to the ground with a knee kick.

Mikhail flinched. He made another attempt to break free, only to make the pain worse again.

“Get up, Bobby,” John encouraged.

You thought you were gonna be some great man?” The Void mocked, “Some savior? You can’t even save yourself.”

Bob got up and took another swing at The Void. It dodged with ease and struck back, dealing three blows before bringing Bob back down.

“We will always be alone.”

The room warped, stretched, and Mikhail along with the others got pulled away from Bob, distancing them much further from him and The Void. Bob watched his friends as they struggled. Mikhail tried to call out to him again, but his voice was still trapped. Bob looked like he turned to face Mikhail for a moment before he turned around and lunged at The Void, pushing him down on the ground.

He threw one punch after the other, hitting his shadow with all he had. The Void didn’t even flinch; instead it smiled.

“Now you got it,” it provoked as it let out a bone-chilling laugh.

Bob didn’t stop. He kept hitting The Void repeatedly. The room started to shake, the walls cracking and the ceiling beginning to collapse.

The rest of them watched as Bob fought his shadow. It should have been a good thing, Bob had the upper hand, and yet there was that same sinking feeling in Mikhail’s chest telling him something was wrong.

“This isn’t right,” Bucky said.

“Bob, stop!” Yelena called out, her words unable to reach Bob.

The room distorted even more, Bob was being pushed away further and further by the second. From the distance, Mikhail could see the shadow overtaking Bob, the darkness creeping up on him. With everything that he’s got, he grabbed onto the wires wrapped around him and pulled.

With the help of Alexei, Yelena managed to escape her constrictions. She immediately sprinted towards Bob. The room shook violently, cabinets and shelves started to fly towards Yelena in an attempt to stop her advance, but she managed to dodge them all. By the time she reached Bob the darkness had spread up to his neck. She wrapped her arms around the man.

“I’m here,” she told him as Bob continued to hit his Void.

“It will always be just us,” The Void said like a promise.

Somehow, Mikhail managed to break free from his constraints. His body fell on the floor as he got to loosen the cords. Walker soon followed, and then Ava, Bucky and Alexei. Walker offered a hand to Mikhail which he promptly took, getting him back on his feet.

They ran.

They all ran towards Bob. Mikhail reached him and immediately wrapped his arms around Bob, his Bob.

“That’s enough, Bob, we’re here now,” Mikhail pleaded.

The rest of them followed, huddling around Bob. Walker grabbed one of Bob’s arms to stop him from hitting his shadow any further, Bucky grabbing the other. They all wrapped around Bob in a collective embrace, managing to stop Bob’s attacks.

Mikhail could hear him sobbing, and that only made him hug Bob tighter.

The shadow didn’t move, and then it left, turning into a stain on the floor. The seven of them stayed still for a moment, Bob grabbing onto the people wrapped around him. For a moment there was silence.

And then Mikhail heard Bob exhale.

They fell to the ground, and then they were back in New York, and the darkness that had so ominously enveloped the city now slowly drifted away.

The team managed to get on their feet just asevery person who had vanished came back as the light hit their shadows. Maybe it was the relief of managing to escape from that abyss, but Mikhail felt ten times lighter, and the heaviness in his chest faded away.

Bob turned to him, the pain in his eyes seemingly subsided. “Hi, Misha.”

Mikhail’s lips curved into a smile. He threw himself at Bob and hugged the man, wrapping his arms tightly and burying his face in Bob’s neck. “Hi Bob,” he mumbled.

“Oh. Hi. Again,” Bob muttered.

Mikhail heard someone scoff and he’d be willing to bet it was Yelena.

“You were great in there, Bob,” Walker said sincerely.

“Thanks, Walker.”

Mikhail let go of Bob to follow up Walker’s compliment, only to find confusion on Bob’s face.

“In where?” Bob asked. “Whoa… what happened here? Sorry, I’m just a little fuzzy.”

“Uh. Are you serious?” Alexei said, baffled.

“Are you okay?” Yelena asked him.

Bob turned to her and smiled as he nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Mikhail was about to say something when an annoyingly familiar voice spoke out.

“Yes, I need an extraction right now,” Val yelled to her phone. “What? No, I don’t have backup! I need help!”

“I’m going to kill that person,” Alexei said, pointing at Val.

“Wait, what happens when he regains his memory?” Walker asked.

Yelena turned to Bob. Bob turned to Mikhail, then to Yelena.

“Okay. Come on,” Yelena said as she grabbed Bob’s arm.

“Oh. Me too?” Bob said, confusion remaining in his voice.

“Yup. We stick together from now on. Come on Misha.”

Mikhail could sense the hint of teasing in Yelena’s tone, but nevertheless he grabbed Bob’s other arm as they walked towards Valentina together.

“This is nice,” Bob said sheepishly.

“We can’t kill her, we gotta take her in,” Bucky said in front of them.

Alexei protested.

“Ugh,” Ava moaned, “I’d love to kill her.”

“If he gets his memory back maybe he can fix this stupid thing,” Walker commented in passing as he tried (and failed) to shape his shield back to normal.

“Do you want mine?” Mikhail said to him teasingly.

“Guys,” Val called to them, “I know we’re going through a lot of feelings right now. I am too – I get it.”

“Hi,” Alexei greeted with a subtle hint of threat as he waved his hand at her, grinning widely.

“Give me just half a second.” With that, Valentina disappeared behind some wreckage.

As the team crossed to the other side, they were met with cameras flashing at them in every direction. Reporters holding microphones stood among the crown, and there was even a podium for Valentina. Mikhail couldn’t help but be amazed at how fast this woman could act.

“Are we live?” Val asked her crew. “Great.”

Mikhail turned to Bucky. “What the hell is going on?”

He only got a shrug in response.

“For years, I have been working secretly to develop a new age of protection. Today, the citizens of the United States needed that protection, and thanks to my hard work, they got it. Ladies and gentlemen, meet… The New Avengers.”

The crowd cheered. The camera flashes got more intense and the reporters pointed their microphones as they yelled out their questions.

Alexei smiled proudly, because of course he did. Yelena and Mikhail turned to each other, trying to figure out if the other knew anything about this. Ava and Walker just stood there bemused, and Bob — well, Bob just stepped to the side and started clapping, a goofy smile on his face.

Yelena sighed and shook her head. She approached Valentina and got close to her ear.

“We own you now,” Yelena said, loud enough only for her comrades to hear.

Mikhail couldn’t see Val’s face, but the small tremor he noticed from her was all the satisfaction he needed.

The press conference felt like it lasted forever. Mikhail had to be new levels of patient not to just walk out in the middle of it. He really hated being in the spotlight like that. But he behaved, answered every question aimed at him politely, and he consciously did not overshare.

Most importantly, he made sure to have Bob close to them at all times, made sure he was there for every photo taken and mentioned him every chance he could when talking to the press. He knew what Val was capable of, she could make Bob disappear like that, or paint him as someone he was not. Mikhail wasn’t going to let Val distort Bob into a casualty of whatever narrative she wanted to portray.

Alexei was very enthusiastic with his answers, so much so that Yelena had to remind him a couple times not to overdo it. Mikhail thought he was onto something though. The more the public knew him, the more he made his presence known, the smaller the chances of Val doing something shady to get rid of him.

Walker was more discreet, only giving necessary information. He seemed to get tense every time the press addressed him, Mikhail assumed it was due to worries about being asked about his Captain America past.

Ava was even more enigmatic. She was happy to share about some of her past, her condition and her abilities. But anything that crossed the boundary of being too personal was met with a diplomatic and vague response.

Bucky was asked about how this affected his political career. He announced that being in this new team now meant that he had to step down as congressman.

Bob was asked a couple of questions. The press didn’t seem very interested in him. When they asked him what role he played in events, he earnestly told them he didn’t remember. That, combined with the way he was dressed like a civilian, led the press to simply move on to the other members.

The final question addressed their code names. Walker chose to continue using US Agent, Ava introduced herself as Ghost, Alexei proudly announced his Red Guardian title. When Yelena stated that she would be Black Widow, some reporters asked her about Natasha, which she responded by telling them about their sisterhood.

Mikhail’s turn came and it was a bit hard to navigate. For some obvious reasons, Black Widow was not an option, and he didn’t feel comfortable disclosing that to the public anyway. No one seemed to question his similar gear to Yelena for some reason. There was also the matter of, well, being unsure if he wanted to be a part of this at all. He told the press it was still a work-in-progress.

One reporter thought to ask Bob his code name, and in response he shrugged and said that he was ‘just Bob.’

At the end, Valentina thanked the press for coming and to expect great things from The New Avengers. She quietly pleaded for the seven of them to follow her back to the tower, and Mikhail agreed to do so, wanting to have a proper talk with Valentina, the rest of them also following along.

“Okay,” Mikhail started when they got back to the complex, the very same place Sentry had been kicking their asses just earlier in the day, “I don’t think I can do this.”

“What?” Val asked very angrily.

“Val, I’m not gonna fucking work for you again. You literally tried to kill us.”

“No, no, no,” Yelena joined in, “We would not be working for her, she works for us now.”

“Yeah right. Until she finds some shady way to blackmail us, or worse,” Mikhail retorted cynically.

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen,” Bucky promised.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you want to be an Avenger?” Val asked, baffled at Mikhail.

“In case you forgot, last night was supposed to be my last assignment,” Mikhail reminded Val.

“That’s what you always say!” she exclaimed, unconvinced.

“Well— I mean it this time!”

“If he wants out, it’s his choice,” Ava said.

“Thank you,” Mikhail responded, gesturing at her.

“Come on, boy. Do it for the glory!” Alexei raised his fist into the air as he tried to convince Mikhail.

“You told me that you wanted to do some good in this world, to try and make up for your past,” Walker said.

Mikhail glared at him. He told Walker that in confidence, not for him to blast it to all these people and use it against him.

Val shook her head. “What could you possibly have going on that’s better than being an Avenger?”

“I—“ Mikhail tried to come up with something, but his mind mostly fell blank. And he didn’t feel like announcing it to everyone that he wanted to look for something that could fill the void in his life. “I have a chocolate-making class next week.”

He heard how it sounded in his head as soon as he said it and Mikhail regretted letting it come out of his mouth in the first place.

“Chocolate-making— what are you, an eight year old girl?” Val spat.

Mikhail rolled his eyes.

“Okay. Uncalled for,” Ava countered.

“I- I think that sounds kinda fun,” Bob chimed in.

Mikhail turned to Bob, who hadn’t said anything since arriving back here. He looked like he was still a bit confused over what was happening exactly. They hadn’t really gotten the chance to explain anything to him yet.

“But um...“

“But?” Mikhail urged him to continue.

“I just think that you’re good at helping people. If you can help someone like me, then think of all the people you could be helping out there.”

Bob looked at him with such soft eyes, Mikhail felt like it was almost unfair. How could this man just come up with words that pierced through him so easily? If only Bob realized how he made Mikhail feel inside his chest; full. Not heavy, not tight, just full. And warm, whatever that meant.

Mikhail sighed.

“Okay. Fine.”

Val’s face lit up. “Great!”

“Shut up, Val. This isn’t about you,” Mikhail snarked.

“You’re gonna be great, Misha.” Bob flashed him a smile.

And there it was again; hope. He still had some fight inside him, and it would be a long shot to finally get out of this empty hole after trying for so long, but maybe, hopefully, it was different this time. He had friends. And he had Bob. And thus, Mikhail Stepanov officially accepted becoming a New Avenger.

Chapter Text

first night

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Most of it was spent cleaning the compound and getting the broken walls and windows that got damaged during their fight with The Sentry fixed. As much as they could, anyway. They were left to their own devices as Val claimed she had to go take care of all the paperwork necessary to get The New Avengers legally operating. Not that Mikhail would trust that woman or her people to not just shoot at them if they got the chance anyway, although did Val have more to lose than them at this point.

When the sun set, they all realized how hungry they were and collectively agreed to order some pizza. And it was a lot of it; apparently, super soldiers have impossibly high metabolism, and they had three of those in their group.

They mostly ate in silence at first, but eventually the topic of rooms came up and which ones they’d be occupying. They ended up deciding someone should keep watch over Bob, much to his confusion, and that was how Mikhail got the room next to his. He didn’t mind, Bob didn’t seem like the type to be noisy anyway.

Yelena showed them a picture of her dog Fanny, which – okay, stinking adorable. She would be moving in with them the next day when Yelena got the chance to go fetch her.

Everyone turned in early, exhausted from everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours or so. It felt crazy to think that all of that had taken place in such a short amount of time.

Mikhail would have preferred to be able to go back to his place for the night, their stuff would only be moved in the next day, but at the very least there were some clothes he could use in the tower. They all had their own bathrooms, which Mikhail appreciated. The one in his room was ten times fancier than the one he had back at his place, too.

He took a shower thinking it would be relaxing, but the warm water only made his cuts and bruises sting like hell. There was one on his chin that was particularly nasty. So he cut his shower short and settled in for the night.

His room was spacious, but pretty much empty. He had a bed set against the wall, a nightstand next to it, and closets. The whole building did seem like it was still under construction, Mikhail assumed nobody had been supposed to move in there for a while. The space looked industrial, metallic, devoid of any personality or color.

It didn’t matter. So long as there was a bed to sleep in for the night, he was good. He settled in and let himself turn off for the day. It was barely ten o’clock when he passed out.

It was around two hours later, midnight, when he woke up: out of breath and sweating despite how cold it was in his room. Nightmares had woken him, images of himself being strangled by that curtain back in that horrid place lingered in his mind’s eye. He tried to stabilize himself, took deep breaths and familiarized himself with his surroundings. His hands kept reaching for his neck to pull off binds that didn’t exist.

He went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water in his face before just going back to bed. He didn’t go back to sleep though, just sat there with his phone. Articles about The New Avengers were already spreading online like wildfire.

WHO ARE THE NEW AVENGERS?

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW (AVENGERS)!

CAN WE REALLY TRUST THE NEW AVENGERS?

DISGRACED EX-CAPTAIN AMERICA NOW BACK AS AN AVENGER

NEW BLACK WIDOW AVENGER REVEALS CONNECTION TO AGENT ROMANOFF

There were tons of them, repeating each other’s words like an echo chamber. It probably wasn’t a good idea to be looking at these, but once Mikhail started he couldn’t help but fall into the rabbit hole. He had to see what people were saying about him.

It wasn’t a lot, not compared to some of the others, anyway. He was mentioned, sure, but most of the articles talked about Bucky and John’s pasts. Some went into detail about Yelena’s status as an ex-Black Widow assassin as well. Not a lot of it was about Alexei, which was surprising considering how much he talked about himself. Very little about ‘the enigmatic Ghost’ and even less on Mikhail.

Most mentions of Bob were echoing the same question, ‘who is this guy?’, and Mikhail was willing to bet the answer, that he was a human experiment meant to be discarded like trash, was a secret Val would ensure was well kept.

And then Mikhail fell further in his rabbit hole, to the point that the articles and threads got more and more uncomfortable. One in particular…

WHICH NEW AVENGER STUD IS THE INTERNET’S NEW OBSESSION?

He clicked on it. (He was just curious, okay?) It didn’t even say anything really, mostly people arguing between Bucky and John. He was scrolling down just to see if anyone was mentioning him at all when he heard four faint knocks on the wall. His brow raised. It couldn’t possibly be anything but the wind, or—

“Bob?” Mikhail called out.

For a moment, he was met with silence. It must’ve been the wind. Bob was probably asleep anyway, after all it was… almost two o’clock. Mikhail hadn’t realized that he’d been on his phone for more than an hour. He sighed to himself and put his device down. He was about to just get back into bed when he got a response.

“Misha?” he heard from the other side of the wall.

“Yeah?” Mikhail responded.

“Are—are you awake?” Bob said.

“Yeah. Did you need something?”

It took about thirty seconds before Bob spoke again.

“Never mind. Sorry. Go back to sleep,” he said.

He probably should, Mikhail’s body was begging for him to just get some rest and sleep this long day off. Bob would benefit from a night’s sleep as well anyway. It all sounded good, but instead Mikhail grabbed a shirt and headed straight out of his room and to Bob’s door. He knocked gently.

“Bob? Can I come in?”

He waited for the man to respond, and eventually Bob did.

“Yeah.”

When Mikhail entered the room he saw Bob sitting on his bed, his arms around his knees. His room was dark sans the faint light coming from a small lamp. Mikhail took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Can’t sleep either?” he asked Bob.

Bob shook his head in response.

He didn’t say anything. Mikhail was having trouble reading Bob’s expressions; he was avoiding eye contact and seemed to have shrunken the moment Mikhail had entered the room. Whatever the reason that was keeping Bob up, it probably wasn’t good.

Mikhail nudged the man with his elbow, trying to get his attention. Bob gave in and turned to face him, his eyes glassy. Mikhail tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled away.

“I remember today,” he said, voice shaky. “I hurt so many people. I hurt Yelena, I hurt you.”

“Oh.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. There were so many things he could tell Bob; that it wasn’t his fault, that he was manipulated by Val, that the experiments did that to him, that he didn’t mean to — all of them would sound hollow, and Mikhail was sure Bob wouldn’t listen to him.

Mikhail moved closer to Bob and, when he didn’t protest, Mikhail took it as a sign that he was fine with it.

“We all made it out in the end, right?” he tried to comfort Bob. “We’re all alive because of you, because you beat that thing.”

“It’s not just that,“ Bob winced. “The Sentry… I hurt our friends, I—“

“That wasn’t you,” Mikhail cut him off.

“But it was me.”

Mikhail shook his head. The person in front of him now and The Sentry were not the same person, at least not in his books. The Sentry; a broken weapon who was manipulated and controlled by an egomaniac CIA Director, the Golden Guardian of Good, the blonde man who called Mikhail by his full name in the coldest way… that couldn’t be Bob, not in Mikhail’s eyes.

“Val manipulated you—“

“But I wanted to be The Sentry,” Bob interrupted, “I wanted to be better, to be good.”

“Being superpowered and invincible doesn’t make anyone better, Bob.”

“But I still did end up hurting people. That was me, that was my body doing that to everyone…”

Bob reached up to Mikhail’s chin, laying his thumb on the wound. Mikhail flinched from the pain, causing Bob to recoil and take his hand back, mumbling an apology.

“It’s okay, it barely hurts,” Mikhail said. Bob seemed unconvinced.

Mikhail took a breath.

“You know, when we were in that place, I saw all the horrible things I’ve ever done. It was like everything I tried to run away from caught up to me all at once.” Just like Bucky said, Mikhail thought to himself.

Bob lowered his head, but Mikhail nudged him, urging him not to look away.

“But then I saw you, and Yelena, and the others. And I was thinking; maybe I don’t need to run away, you know? Maybe I could accept that it’ll always exist.” Mikhail shrugged. “And who knows, maybe one day I can move past it. Just try to do some good for the rest of my time here. And I was thinking that maybe we could try it together?”

Mikhail showed Bob a smile, not breaking eye contact.

“What if I can’t do it?” Bob eventually said.

“Then I’ll help you – we all will. You don’t have to do this alone anymore, remember?”

“Why? Why would you help me? I’m just a nobody.”

That had been a constant question throughout all this, and the answer had changed every time. Mikhail had wanted to keep his promise that he’d get Bob home safely, he’d wanted to repay Bob for what he did back at the vault in giving them the chance to get away, he’d wanted to stop Val, he’d wanted to save the one person capable of seeing something good in him, he’d wanted to have the person who called him Misha back…

They were probably all true in some capacity. But it felt like something was missing, and putting every one of those reasons into perspective really kind of made things clear.

“Because you helped me, Bob. I— I’m not so good with words, so I think all I can say is, for the short amount of time we’ve been together, you’ve helped me feel…”

It felt like the words were at the tip of Mikhail’s tongue, but he was having some trouble getting them out. Bob looked at him curiously, maybe still unconvincedly. Mikhail took a breath before he spoke again.

“You made me feel like... if my days had more moments like the ones we’ve shared where the big emptiness inside didn’t eat at me at every second, then maybe tomorrow would be worth living for.”

Bob just stared at him, his piercing blue eyes somehow managing to stand out even in the barely lit room. Mikhail could have never anticipated the burst of unexplainable sparks in his stomach when Bob’s lips curved into a soft smile.

“I don’t think you’re as bad with words as you think you are,” Bob earnestly said. His cheeks started to flush pink, or maybe that was Mikhail’s own face starting to get warmer. “I’m not used to anyone saying things like that to me,” Bob added.

Mikhail nodded. He shifted from the edge of the bed and sat next to Bob, Mikhail’s shoulders knocked against Bob’s upper arm.

“I’m not used to saying things like that to anyone either,” Mikhail told Bob, “Here’s to trying new things, right?”

Before he knew it, Bob was leaning closer and wrapped his arms around Mikhail into a tight hug. Mikhail was too caught off guard initially to react, but eventually he managed to compose himself. With one arm, he hugged Bob back, his hand resting on the other man’s back.

That feeling came back, the one that made Mikhail feel impossibly light in his chest. They stayed like that for a while, but eventually Mikhail pulled away (or was it Bob?), and for the next few hours that went by, the gravity that seemed to push Bob down faded away. Even from how Bob spoke it seemed like a weight had been lifted off.

They talked about some of the articles Mikhail saw and how he felt a bit daunted by how fast it spread, and how he wasn’t fully comfortable being in the spotlight like that, even if the media seemed more interested in the others than him.

Eventually Bob nodded off, and Mikhail, not wanting to wake him up, decided to just stay put. It wasn’t the most comfortable position to sleep in just sitting on the bed with their backs leaning on the headboard, so Mikhail figured that Bob must’ve been tired.

It didn’t take very long for Mikhail to get sleepy as well, and soon after he drifted off as well. It must’ve been a dreamless rest of the night as he wasn’t choking or sweating by the time the light from the sun hit his eyes and woke him up.

The two of them had barely moved, except Bob’s head was now leaning on Mikhail’s shoulder. He rubbed his eyes as he tried to shake the drowsiness off, careful not to move too much and wake the other man.

Bob slept soundly, his lips slightly parted and snoring softly. Strands of hair fell over his eyes – if only Mikhail dared to brush them to the side and out of his face. He looked so peaceful, almost unburdened by anything.

It was still quite early in the morning indicated by the digital clock on Bob’s nightstand. Mikhail would have been fine staying like this for a while and letting Bob get more sleep. He would’ve, if it wasn’t for the others whom Mikhail almost forgot were there with them.

“Mikhail, Bob, get up! Walker ordered breakfast,” Yelena called out from outside.

That woke Bob up, and Mikhail immediately missed the weight of him on his shoulder the moment Bob got up.

“Hello,” Bob mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

“Morning, Bob,” Mikhail greeted.

Bob blinked, seemingly still coming to. His expressions shifted into a gentle yet cautious smile. “Good morning, Misha.”

“You sleep okay?” Mikhail asked.

“Yeah… I think so. It was nice.”

The two of them left the room shortly after, not wanting to make the others wait. Which they weren’t seeing as Alexei was already stuffing his face with a croissant sandwich when they joined the team.

“How was everyone’s night?” Mikhail asked politely.

“Horrible,” Ava deadpanned.

“Bed’s too soft,” Walker added.

Bucky just shrugged.

“What about you two?” Yelena asked Mikhail and Bob.

“It was— it was good, yeah,” Mikhail stammered as he recalled the night in his mind’s eye.

He looked away from the group to avoid eye contact and landed on facing Bob, who just continued to smile at him. Mikhail cleared his throat and took a sandwich as he sat with the rest of them.

“Did you guys know that people are arguing over Bucky and John on who’s the most attractive guy in the team?” Mikhail blurted out, the first thing he could come up with to change the topic.

“What about Red Guardian?” Alexei asked quizzically.

names

Almost three weeks had gone by since the assembling of The New Avengers and they all have done nothing but stay at the tower (mostly, kind of). All of them have settled and have moved their belongings in, and they’ve even had an addition to the gang; Yelena’s dog Fanny.

Unsurprisingly, the American Akita had taken a liking to Bob. Mikhail couldn’t blame her.

Everyone was bored out of their minds at this point, but with the paperwork to get them officially and legally functional taking so long to process, there wasn’t anything they could do but sit and wait. There were a handful of things to keep busy with in the tower, but Mikhail mostly stuck with the gym – as did most of them really.

And they weren’t prisoners, they were allowed to leave the tower anytime they wanted to. They usually did in fact. Bucky still had to deal with his political business that Mikhail couldn’t understand most words of, Alexei liked to go out and see who would recognize him (not a lot of people), and whatever Ava, Walker and Yelena did were mysteries for Mikhail.

Bob never left the tower, some days he didn’t even leave his room at all. At first Mikhail thought he could help him get up, maybe by words of encouragement or show of support, but when Bob had his lows, it got really bad. The numbness did more than just take away Bob’s capabilities of feeling anything, but actively pushed him down.

After realizing there wasn’t much he could do, on those days, Mikhail would just try to stay close. Sometimes he’d be in his own room waiting to see if Bob would get up, sometimes Bob would let him in his room where Mikhail would just sit by the bed until the other man was feeling better. Bob would always apologize, as if he did something bad.

On the better days, Mikhail tried to get Bob more involved in his routine. He’d drag Bob to do some light workouts, mostly running a few laps around the gym. A handful of times Bob would go there and just watch as the team sparred with each other. He’d always cheer for the winner.

Today, Bob skipped out on the workouts. He was fine, just didn’t feel very energetic. Mikhail and Walker had been sparring for about an hour now, and the former had managed to take the ex-Captain down. Mikhail’s expression shifted into a smug one.

“Wipe that smirk off your face, I beat you the last three times,” John said as he got up.

“Only because you cheated!” Mikhail protested. John rolled his eyes.

Bucky entered the gym unannounced and promptly called for the two.

“You two, team meeting, now.”

He didn’t even wait for a response before leaving just as quickly as he’d arrived.

The two of them wiped their sweat off with towels before heading back to the main area. Yelena and Bucky were already there waiting for them. Mikhail knew that Bucky went with Valentina today to some meeting for New Avengers business, he assumed this was what he’d be talking about.

“How did the meeting go?” Mikhail preemptively asked Bucky.

“They said no to you also being Black Widow,” Bucky responded to him.

About a week ago Mikhail was informed that they needed to register the team and their code names, and he still hadn’t thought of one. Because a lot of articles have brought up the similarities of his and Yelena’s gear since they day they were assembled, he figured that sooner or later it was going to come out that he was a Black Widow assassin anyway, so he might as well give them that information by his own choice, and since he lacked the creativity to come up with a code name, he asked if he could just be Black Widow as well.

“Ah, well, it was a long shot anyway,” he told Bucky, shrugging.

“Val told me to tell you to come up with one today or she will.”

“Ugh,” Mikhail exclaimed in detestation, “No need for that, I’ll come up with something.”

“Really? You don’t want Valentina giving you a super awesome name?” Yelena teased.

Mikhail glared at her. “Why don’t you get a new name from her and I keep Black Widow?”

Yelena shrugged. “I claimed it first.”

Mikhail rolled his eyes.

Bucky proceeded to relay the rest of the meeting with them. Yelena brought up the absence of Ava and Alexei and if they should wait for them before going through with all these, but Bucky noted that there wasn’t anything really important that they couldn’t just give them a rundown when they got back.

He told Mikhail he had until the end of the day, otherwise Valentina would be naming him. A horrible, unspeakable thought, Mikhail would not let that happen. After the team meeting, Mikhail went back to his room so he could shower the workout sweat off of him.

By the time he’d finished and returned to the common area, everyone was gone, except for Bob who was sitting on the chair next to the window that he’d seem to have taken a liking to. He had a book in his hand and a mug of tea on the table next to him.

“Hey,” Mikhail greeted the man as he toweled his hair to dry, “Where did everyone go?”

Bob turned away from his book to face Mikhail who sat next to him. “Yelena went to her room, I don’t know where Bucky and Walker went.”

Mikhail nodded in response.

“Have you thought of a code name yet?” Bob asked curiously.

Mikhail shook his head in response. “Got any suggestions?”

Bob shrugged. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Hey,” Bob started, “You already gave yourself a name before, shouldn’t be too hard to come up with something, right?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

Mikhail took his phone out to look for some inspiration, though he didn’t know where to look. He searched online for some of the known heroes in the world, and while he didn’t find much about their superhero name origins, it didn’t seem like they came up with the names themselves, but rather was given or thrust upon them.

Halfway through reading a piece about when Tony Stark announced his identity as Iron Man, Bob spoke again.

“How did you choose your name?” he said, looking at Mikhail curiously. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Mikhail started, waving a hand dismissively. “Um. I just kind of liked the name Michael. That’s it really.”

Bob hummed in response. “It doesn’t mean anything special?”

“No. But I guess there was this one character that I liked from a show.” Mikhail put his phone down to face Bob as they conversed. “He was kind of a bad guy at first, but in the end he became a good person who learned to care for people. And people cared for him in return.”

Mikhail suddenly felt a bit embarrassed after sharing that detail. Even if he knew that liking some TV show character was so very ordinary. Bob didn’t seem to hold any judgment, the man’s expressions stayed just the same. Except for a slight smile, not mockingly, but sincerely.

“Kind of like you, huh?” Bob said.

“You calling me a bad guy, Bob?” Mikhail retorted teasingly.

Bob let out a small laugh as he shook his head. “No, but they tried to make you one. Val too. But despite all of that, you’re actually a good person.”

…

Bob kept doing this. He kept calling Mikhail a good person; in a way that Mikhail might start believing him. It made him uncomfortable to see someone genuinely believing that he was a good person when Mikhail knew deep inside that he was not.

And yet, every time Bob said it, it made him feel, maybe, a little hopeful inside. That if someone like Bob, who carried so much darkness in his entire person, could see something good in him, then maybe this whole thing wasn’t for nothing.

Mikhail didn’t say anything, just bit a smile and nodded in response. What was someone supposed to say to that anyway?

“Maybe I should start calling you Michael,” Bob said.

“God no, please don’t. Misha’s fine.”

Bob laughed.

“Don’t call me Michael and I won’t call you anything you don’t want me to,” Mikhail added. He said it innocently, with no meaning behind his words besides to joke, so why did he immediately feel guilty when Bob’s face shifted? His smile faded.

“Um— Bobby. Don’t call me Bobby, I guess.” He broke eye contact with Mikhail and looked away.

Mikhail recalled Bob’s father from the shame abyss yelling that name as he screamed and hurt his child. He didn’t need to ask why Bob would dislike the nickname.

The two sat in silence, and eventually Bob went back to reading his book. Mikhail continued to sit with him, mindlessly scrolling on his phone. Yelena came out of her room at some point, holding a bag of chips that she offered to the two of them.

Alexei came back from who knew where soon after. And even despite his loud greetings and annoying complaints about — honestly, Mikhail wasn’t listening — Bob didn’t say anything.

Other people came and went, a few hours went by. Bob stayed on the same spot with Mikhail loitering somewhere nearby. Eventually Bucky, too, had come back just before sundown.

“So?” The Winter Soldier said to Mikhail who was at the kitchen fixing himself and Walker some sandwiches. “What’s it going to be? Val needs a name.”

“Ugh,” Mikhail whined. “I don’t care at this point, make it Agent Stepanov or something. Simple enough, right?”

Bucky hummed. “That works.”

“Hold on—“ Walker chimed in. “I’m already US Agent.”

“So?” Mikhail said.

“So, we can’t both be Agents,” Walker responded apprehensively.

“If you think about it, we’re all agents,” Mikhail countered.

Bob appeared seemingly out of nowhere. He placed his empty mug in the sink and started rinsing it.

“I like it. It sounds cool,” he said before heading off and going back to his room.

A small smile tugged on Mikhail’s lips. As soon as he turned to John it turned into a smug one. “Looks like you’re outvoted, Cap.”

“I’m not Captain America,” John protested.

“He’s not Captain America,” Bucky said at the same time.

“Well maybe get a new costume then!” Mikhail responded with a bite of sandwich in his mouth. He handed John’s plate to him before he walked off to his room.

“It’s not a costume, it’s a suit!” Mikhail heard John calling out from behind.

Agent Stepanov – it wasn’t anything flashy, and Mikhail kind of disliked how it was basically just his name anyway. Who would want Mikhail Stepanov becoming some superhero, going around helping people? But apparently it sounded cool, and that was good enough for him. Maybe the name could mean something more with a little bit of time.

old friends, new team

It had been three days since Valentina last contacted The New Avengers, and for someone like her, that wasn’t normal. The team wondered if she was plotting something against them – the radio silence was too suspicious. Not to mention that The New Avengers had gotten approved and are now legally functional as of a week ago.

So the only logical thing to do was to send their stealthiest member to go spy on Val to see what she was up to — except Ava wasn’t available so they settled for the second best, which both Mikhail and Yelena had something to say about. Not reaching a conclusion, they both went instead.

The two of them sat in a car, Yelena taking the driver’s seat (as per her insistence) parked at a relative distance away from Val’s home. She tinkered with a gadget that supposedly would allow them to hack into Val’s devices. It was not working, and Mikhail knew better than to ask if he could give it a try, so he just sat there next to his fellow ex-Widow as she continuously tapped on the device’s screen. Apparently it was from some guy named Rick who was friends with Natasha, and Mikhail should just trust Yelena that it will work. Or something like that.

“Your boredom is distracting,” Yelena said.

“I’m not bored,” Mikhail responded defensively, “Just, anxious. The longer you take the higher the chances of someone finding us here.”

“Relax Mikhail. No one will find us here. And they can’t do anything to us anyway.”

“Maybe I should just go over and see what Val’s up to?” he suggested.

“No, no, I can get this to work. Just give me a minute.”

Mikhail rolled his eyes and leaned his head back on his seat. He was lying, he was bored. Why couldn’t they have decided to spy on Val a day or two ago when Ava wasn’t occupied by having to go on a mission? She would’ve been done by now. That wasn’t for a lack of confidence in his and Yelena’s skills to do this, but there was no arguing that the person who was literally called The Ghost could have sneaked in Val’s home and checked to see if she was up to anything shady and be home by dinner.

He pulled up his phone to check the time and noticed he had a couple notifications. The first one was of Alexei sending a photo in their group chat of some concoction in a pot that Mikhail could only describe as biohazardous goop with weird chunks. The second notification was a message from Bob, a photo of the same pot from another angle with the text ‘Alexei made beef stew… send help.’

Mikhail chuckled, which prompted Yelena to turn her head and face him. “What?” she asked.

He held his phone up and showed her Bob’s message. Yelena grimaced and shook her head.

“Now aren’t you happy you’re here with me?” Mikhail teased.

“Yup. Just like old times,” she deadpanned as she turned back to her device.

“We didn’t really go on a lot of missions together, I think,” Mikhail started. “It was just this one time when—“

“Let us not talk about it,” Yelena cut in. Mikhail nodded in agreement.

“I have a question, though,” she said, “What happened to your accent? Why do you speak like an American?”

“I’ve been living here for years, Yelena. At first it was just to adapt, but now I got used to it.” Mikhail cleared his throat and shifted to his Russian accent. “Would you prefer I talk like this?”

“Whatever you are comfortable with, Mikhail.”

“Okay.”

It felt a bit silly to talk about it. They were trained to be able to speak in all sorts of languages and accents after all.

“You know,” Yelena started, “Bob talks about you a lot. It’s kind of annoying.”

Besides Mikhail, Yelena was the person who spent the most time with Bob. Her holding her end of the bargain of spending time together to make the emptiness lighter, Mikhail supposed. They probably spent time in each other’s company more than Mikhail did. He’d noticed that Bob seemed more himself, more comfortable around Yelena, he didn’t have that slight hesitance that he usually did around Mikhail. That was fine, Yelena did make it easy for anyone to get along with her for the most part. Definitely not something Mikhail was bothered by. Nope.

“What did he say?” he asked curiously.

“That you’re nice,” Yelena said flatly.

“...Anything else?” Mikhail probed.

Mikhail swore he saw Yelena’s lips tug into a smirk, but it went away just as fast as it came.

“Why don’t you ask him?” she said.

“About what he’s saying about me?” Mikhail raised a brow.

“What he thinks about you,” Yelena corrected.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because it’s better than whatever it is you are doing to hide your little crush on him.”

“I don’t have a crush on him,” Mikhail countered defensively. “I don’t have crushes, I’m not twelve.”

Yelena just nodded, not looking away from her hacking thing. “Okay.”

“I just wanted to know if he doesn’t secretly hate me and I’m not actually annoying him when we’re together,” Mikhail added. Yelena nodded again in response.

Yelena didn’t say anything else, and that was supposed to be the end of that topic. Just that Mikhail had more to say because he couldn’t have someone – Yelena of all people – to think that he was having crushes.

“And he’s a coworker; a teammate.”

“He is technically not,” Yelena pointed out, “Val did not include him as an Avenger when getting us approved, remember?”

“Well—“

That was true. Mikhail figured it was more of Val trying to cover her own ass regarding the Sentry project, but at the same time Bob was probably in no condition to be doing missions nevertheless.

“Well, we don’t even know if he likes guys. Not that it matters,” Mikhail huffed.

“Sure,” Yelena responded flatly.

Mikhail hated how cryptic that was, however intentional from Yelena’s part.

His phone buzzed, prompting him to check on it. Another message from Bob. ‘It wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t so good either.’ Mikhail sighed.

He pocketed his phone and fiddled with his fingers. Not that sitting here waiting for Yelena to get her thing working was Mikhail’s ideal use of his time, but at least he wasn’t subjected to that toxic waste disguised as beef stew.

A moment passed, then another one. Mikhail spoke again.

“Do you know if he likes guys…?”

Yelena dropped the device on her lap and turned to Mikhail, eyes darting straight at his. “Mikhail, ask him.”

“I was just curious, okay?!” he responded defensively.

“You know, it’s okay to have a crush on him, Misha; he is an attractive man.”

“Okay,” Mikhail scoffed, “Maybe you have a crush on him.”

“No, I do not get crushes,” Yelena deadpanned.

“And I do?!”

Yelena held her hands up, gesturing a surrender before going back to her totally useless and stupid hacking thing.

“He is surprisingly fit,” Yelena added teasingly just as Mikhail thought she was done.

“Well— it’s probably just the Sentry experiments,” Mikhail muttered.

Out of nowhere, there was a knock on the car window. Mikhail reflexively pulled out his gun and pointed to where the sound came from, only to realize that Val’s assistant Mel was outside.

Shit.

Yelena rolled down the window.

“Guys, I have been trying to get you off Val’s network for an hour now and I don’t think you have any plans to give up, so I’m asking; can you stop, please?”

The two ex-Widows looked at each other quizzically. Definitely not what they were expecting would happen. They both turned to Mel.

“Where’s Val?” Mikhail demanded.

“We have not heard from her in three days. If she’s planning anything against us—“

“No! No no,” Mel cut Yelena off. “Val is… okay, Val is sick and she doesn’t want anyone to know because according to her getting sick is a weakness, so please don’t tell her I told you.”

Mel spoke very fast and nervously. If she was acting, she was good.

“Yeah, okay, so we’re just gonna believe you just like that,” Mikhail snarked sarcastically.

“No, see—“ Mel held up a tablet for Mikhail and Yelena to look at, the screen showing Valentina sleeping soundly in a bedroom, probably recorded from a security camera. “I’ve been handling whatever I can for her for the past few days, but she hasn’t spoken to anyone since she got sick.”

Yelena turned to face Mikhail again. She didn’t say anything, the two of them just shared a look. Mel looked like she was getting more nervous.

“I swear, guys,” Mel started, “She’s really just sick, nothing more.”

Yelena sighed. “Okay,” she told Mel with false enthusiasm before rolling the window back up and driving off.

They didn’t believe her, of course. So Yelena gave in and let Mikhail go to physically spy on Val. It wasn’t too hard, nothing Mikhail hadn’t done before, and in the end he confirmed that she was indeed sick and bedridden.

Again, Ava would’ve been able to do this in minutes.

They went home soon after notifying their teammates of the situation. It was a bit over one o’clock at night when they got back to the tower. The moment they entered the common area, Fanny, who was sitting next to Bob on the couch, ran towards Yelena, wagging her tail as her owner made funny (obnoxious) noises and petted her to her heart’s content.

“Hey guys,” Bob greeted as he approached the two. “Welcome home.”

“Hi, Bob,” Yelena greeted. “I’m tired, I’m going to bed. See you guys in the morning.”

Before she walked off, she turned to Mikhail and gave him a knowing look, a smirk on her face that she definitely made sure Mikhail saw.

“Goodnight,” Bob muttered to Yelena before turning back to Mikhail. “How are you feeling?”

“Um. Good, tired. Why aren’t you in bed yet?”

“I was— I was waiting for you guys to come home safely,” Bob stammered.

Mikhail tried to fight the smile that came, it would’ve just proved Yelena’s (false) point, but there was really nothing he could do but let himself react accordingly when someone was being that stupidly kind. They’d messaged the team that everything seemed okay and that they were coming home, and yet Bob, this man, stayed up to make sure they’d get home fine.

Mikhail smiled. “Uh, thanks.”

Bob nodded. “Well. Goodnight, Misha.”

“Night, Bob.”

The two of them headed to their own rooms.

Crushes were dumb and Mikhail definitely did not have the time for those.

bad day

To make up for his lost chance at normalcy, Mikhail had been trying new things whenever he could. He never ended up going to that chocolate-making class, so he tried it at home instead and followed a video tutorial online. It ended up being pretty underwhelming and tasted like something he could just get from shops. He tried his hand at learning to cook some dishes, which some of his teammates had something to contribute to. His favorite was Yelena’s contribution; boxed macaroni and cheese.

Well, most of the things he had tried were food-related. Anything else he either did not have the time for, or when he did he would give up on the idea with the mindset that it wouldn’t work out great and were pointless. Like, what would learning to play a musical instrument accomplish anyway?

So he mostly stuck to food stuff. It was the easy thing to do as he could just hide and eat the evidence himself if something turned out badly, the others would never know. Except that one time he made rock-hard muffins because he thought it’d be fine not adding baking powder. Those were not edible. He threw those away.

But the ones he made today were. Maybe he would even dare say that they were good. Once they were cool enough, he craftily laid them on a big plate and presented them to the others in the common area.

“I made muffins,” he proudly announced.

Walker didn’t even wait for Mikhail to finish his three words short sentence and grabbed one instinctively. Yelena looked at Mikhail apprehensively, and only with an enthusiastic nod from him did she decide to take one as well. Alexei took two.

“Where’s Bob?” Mikhail asked.

“He’s in his room,” Ava told him as she took a muffin.

Mikhail nodded. Ava tried to snag the whole plate from him, but he managed to get them away from her just in time. He needed Bob to taste his best creation yet. He quickly made his way over to Bob’s door, knocking three times.

No answer.

That usually meant two things; either he was asleep, or… well, it was one of those days. At this point, most of them knew it was best to leave Bob alone until he felt okay again. Sometimes Mikhail would keep him company in his room, sometimes Yelena did. Just so Bob knew he wasn’t alone.

“Bob? You okay?” Mikhail called out softly.

He didn’t get a response for almost half a minute, and he was just about to walk off thinking that the man was asleep, but then Bob spoke.

“I’m fine,” Bob faintly responded.

“I’m coming in, okay?” Mikhail said.

Bob didn’t say anything back. Mikhail took the absence of no as permission to go into Bob's room. He was lying in bed, almost fully covered by his blanket and facing away from the door. The curtains blocked off most of the sunlight, leaving his room barely lit.

Mikhail set down his plate of muffins on the nightstand and sat down on the floor by the bed. “I’ll be right here if you need anything,” he told Bob.

Sometimes he wondered if his presence helped at all. Maybe it had the opposite effect even. Bob never said anything about it, just a thanks every so often when days like these occurred. Mikhail preferred to be alone when he had his bad days, not that he was comparing his with Bob’s. Besides, Mikhail was preferring solitude less and less each day.

He liked being there for Bob, or maybe just being with Bob in general, even when he could barely get up and face the day. And sometimes that meant sitting on the floor for several hours.

Mikhail borrowed a pair of earbuds from Bob’s room and took his phone out. It was how he usually passed the time, just endlessly scrolling on his phone either to read some articles or watch videos about the team, or sometimes just nonsensical yet eye-catching videos. He didn’t like to advertise it to the others, but he was shamefully curious about what people said about them.

About half an hour later, he heard knocking. Mikhail turned to Bob first who didn’t seem to respond at all – he must be asleep – then he turned his attention to Yelena who had opened the bedroom door, the light from outside bleeding through the dark room.

She didn’t say anything. The look from Mikhail seemed to be all she needed to understand what was going on, nodding before gently closing the door and leaving. For a moment when the light had left the room, Mikhail felt cold, maybe a bit lonely.

He shrugged it off and went back to mindless activities on his phone.

Despite how funny it was to see cute dogs doing cute dog things, Mikhail dozed off. He came to when he felt Bob stirring in his bed. He didn’t know how long he’d napped for, but it must have been at least a couple of hours judging by how little the sun illuminated through the curtains’ gaps, even less so than earlier.

Mikhail straightened himself and stretched his arms, and at the same time Bob sat up. Mikhail could only really make up Bob’s figure in the dark, but as he turned to face the man, Bob was looking back at him.

“Hey,” Mikhail greeted, “You’re up. How are you feeling?”

“You’re still here,” Bob said flatly.

“Yeah. Well, you know…” Mikhail shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

Bob stayed silent for a moment, his figure unmoving. Eventually, he sighed. He got up from his bed and headed towards the bathroom in his room. Mikhail took the chance to also get on his feet and flicked the light switch for the bedroom, his eyes squinting as they tried to adapt from the sudden brightness.

When Bob came back, he eyed the muffins on his nightstand before walking past Mikhail to sit on his bed, his back turned on Mikhail. “Why are you still here?” he asked.

“Um…” Mikhail frowned. Bob surely knew why at this point. He’d never said anything like this before, not with that cold tone in his voice. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay, that’s all.”

“I’m not a child, Misha. You don’t have to treat me like one.”

Mikhail was properly taken aback at this point. It was never his intention to make Bob feel this way. Had he always felt this way? “I just didn’t want you to be alone, Bob,” he tried.

“Is that really just it?” Bob responded accusingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mikhail said defensively.

Bob didn’t say anything in return, only shaking his head as he remained facing away from Mikhail.

What the hell did Mikhail even do? All he was doing was keeping Bob company while he didn’t feel well. It wasn’t like they didn’t spend time together outside of that, he spent time with Bob regardless. He thought Bob liked his company, just as Mikhail liked Bob’s. If he wanted to be alone, he should’ve just said so.

He wasn’t doing this because he saw Bob as an incapable person, or thought Bob couldn’t handle being alone. In the time Mikhail had had with these people the more he learned that everyone was used to being by themselves. Perhaps not a preference, but something they were all familiar with. Mikhail simply wanted to be there for Bob.

“Maybe…” Bob started, seemingly hesitating to continue. “Nobody cares about me. Maybe you just feel better about yourself when you try to do nice things for me, so you feel obligated to be there for me.”

“Bob—“

That stung. It was dumb; being hurt that Bob would think Mikhail was only there for him out of obligation. It was dumb that he wished Bob knew he was there for him because he cared. That it wasn’t a common thing for Mikhail to be caring about someone like this and maybe he would’ve liked for the other person to feel genuinely cared for.

Before he could say anything, Bob spoke again.

“You— you told me that you felt better when you’re around me. So you try to cheer me up so you can feel good.”

“Bob, that’s not true!” Mikhail exclaimed, his chest sinking. “I really do care, okay?”

“But why?” Bob called out as he stood back up to face Mikhail. “I’m no one special to you, to anyone. When I asked you why you went back to save me that day, you said it’s because I make you feel good. If I stopped making you feel that way, I’m no one. You’re not here for me, you’re here for you.”

Bob’s lips quivered, his voice shaky. He broke eye contact with Mikhail as he finished his words, as if not wanting to see how Mikhail would react. He could see Bob’s eyes watering, or maybe that was his own.

“That’s not true, Bob,” Mikhail managed to let out.

Bob lowered his head, facing the ground. He didn’t seem to believe Mikhail’s words.

“Just go, please.”

There was nothing more Mikhail could say. He took his plate of baked goods and left Bob’s room. He dumped the muffins into the bin before heading to his room, ignoring Yelena who called out to him.

Bob was just having a bad day, he didn’t mean any of that…

Just that, Mikhail couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. Back then, he didn’t help Bob out of the kindness of his heart, no one in this world would do that, he did it because he liked the way Bob made him feel, and he wanted to have more of that.

Mikhail liked the way he felt when he was around Bob. He liked how he could make Bob smile in a way that didn’t feel like he was being mocked. He liked having someone he felt genuinely comfortable being around with, someone who made him feel secure enough to lower his guard with. He liked the warmth he felt in his chest when Bob would call him by his name, the sparks he would have in his stomach when he wrapped his arms around Bob in an embrace.

He genuinely cared about Bob – and that might possibly be the most selfish thing he’d done. Maybe Bob was right, maybe it wasn’t about Bob, but about Mikhail liking how he felt about it.

How he felt like the type of person he would want to be, because that was how Bob saw him.

Bob was right; it didn’t make sense why Mikhail would care so much, not unless he got something out of it too. That was how the world functioned, and Mikhail was just like any other person.

He sat on his bed, legs curled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He felt so unbelievably empty, as if the unspeakable yet familiar darkness was back and enveloped itself around him, cold and numb just like he remembered it. The indescribable emptiness didn’t feel so indescribable anymore.

It felt like a void.

Chapter Text

long day

After Mikhail was freed from his brainwashing, it felt like he acquired the right to return to a life that, in reality, never existed. After all, most of his being existed only to serve the Red Room, so when freedom came knocking at his door, it was like being given a blessing he didn’t ask for, and didn’t know what to do with.

It was a good thing, of course, the best thing. And he was luckily presented with a choice right off the bat: whether to join his fellow Widows and aid them in their quest to free the others. And that was what he chose. Mostly because it was the only choice he had, but of course – of course he wanted to help the others. And then half the universe blipped. And he had to be on his own.

Even now, he wasn’t sure if the mission officially ended at some point, or if any of the remaining Widows succeeded in breaking the rest’s mind control. At some point he started to believe that perhaps it didn’t make much of a difference, that with the Red Room gone there was no one to take advantage of the other Widows anymore, and they could live whatever life they managed to have.

So he was alone again. Maybe he didn’t have to be, but it was his own choice to be that way. Not having anyone around him meant not having anyone to care for, not having anyone to lose again. It seemed like the easier choice to make.

But it wasn’t exactly a breeze either, this whole life thing. What good was having the means to make his own choices if he didn’t have a clue which ones to make? No one had taught him how to live a life.

He was lucky to have gotten to where he was now. To be surrounded by these people that he’d grown to appreciate, maybe care for even. He didn’t think it was the better choice to be alone anymore.

But it still didn’t feel easy.

It should have been a great feeling, to care for people, to care for someone so deeply that even just being around them made everything feel lighter. So why was it that Mikhail felt guilty for it?

It had been a week since he last spoke to Bob. The day after their last exchange, Mikhail, along with Bucky and Ava, were assigned a mission elsewhere to find and stop a group of drug smugglers. Well, that was how it was presented, but they were actually smuggling illegal tech that Mikhail supposed the government did not want the public knowing about.

And it took a bit. Only six days later did they manage to complete their mission, so now the three Avengers were on a chopper that was heading back to New York.

They were an unusual trio, Mikhail thought. The three of them got along fine, but he wouldn’t exactly say Ava nor Bucky were his closest friends. Bucky first and foremost acted like the team’s leader, the most distant from everyone else. Ava was less of a loner, but still mostly kept to herself if she could help it.

That wasn’t to the detriment of their teamwork though. As far as missions went, Mikhail supposed that the past week had gone very smoothly.

“What’s going on with you?” Ava asked Mikhail though the intercom.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Mikhail responded, confused.

“You’ve been very distracted,” Bucky said matter-of-factly.

“No,” he exclaimed defensively, “I’ve been very focused. On our mission. That we successfully completed.”

Ava and Bucky shared a look before turning back to Mikhail. “You shot one of your stunny-thingies at me,” Ava said. “Phased through me, didn’t hurt, but yeah.”

“You took one of my guns instead of yours last night,” Bucky added as he held up Mikhail’s pistol and handed it to him.

Mikhail went to check the weapon safely tucked in his holster, confirming it was indeed not his. He begrudgingly traded pistols with Bucky.

“Sorry,” Mikhail muttered.

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked him.

Mikhail shrugged and shook his head slightly. There was nothing wrong, he was perfectly fine. Maybe a bit tired – exhausted actually, but they’d been on mission-mode for a week, it was normal that he’d be tired. Maybe he was a bit down too, but that was also normal and nothing he couldn’t push aside, he’d been doing it all for years after all. Maybe he was a bit sad as well, but actually, the entire team were all sad fucks who had their own things to sulk about.

Okay. Maybe he was downcast about the fact that he hadn’t spoken to his closest friend in a week, downcast about how things had gone the last time they talked. And as much as it didn’t make sense, as much as he’d tried to push it aside because it didn’t make sense, he felt guilty.

He couldn’t help but find some truth to what Bob had told him. Did he only care about Bob because it made him feel good? Mikhail didn’t realize caring for someone could be a selfish act, but here he was now, wracked with guilt for pushing himself onto someone without considering his side of things. It wasn’t like Mikhail thought Bob was faking their nice times together, but… did he really feel that Mikhail only cared about him because Mikhail felt nice around him?

Because he did, he did feel nice around Bob. Mikhail felt comfortable, like he could be a version of himself that didn’t feel like he was wearing a mask, and to be free to feel like he could one day get to a point where he didn’t hate what he’d become from all the years he’d lost because there was at least one person who liked him the way he was now.

Mikhail sighed as his head stooped down. He was just tired, that was all.

Ava cleared her throat. “Listen, mate,” she started, “you better sleep with one eye open if you even think about telling the other I said this—“

Alright. Dramatic much?

“But I guess we’re all friends or whatever you want to call it. You can tell us what’s bothering you.”

“Uh—“ Mikhail started.

“Or maybe I just don’t want to accidentally get hit by your stun thing,” Ava quickly cut in, as if she was taking back her previous statement. “Just tell us what’s going on with you.”

Mikhail bit his lips. He turned to Bucky who just stared at him in return. “Do you guys ever feel like you’re being selfish?”

“Okay…?” Ava prodded.

“Um…” Mikhail swallowed. He felt a bit silly having trouble opening up about this. “I’m wondering if the reason why I spend a lot of time with, um, Bob, is because I feel good when I’m around him.”

Ava raised a brow, so did Bucky, as if Mikhail had just said the most absurd thing. “And?” Ava said.

Mikhail gave them a look back, because how were they not getting it? “And, I’m wondering if I even… actually care about him, or am I just caring about myself?”

“You do know that those aren’t mutually exclusive, right? Just because you feel good being around someone doesn’t mean you can’t genuinely care about them as well,” Ava countered.

“No— I know. Obviously,” Mikhail said defensively. “I just… I don’t think he feels that way.”

“And how do you feel about it?” Ava prompted.

Mikhail said nothing and shrugged. How else would he feel about it? He liked being friends with Bob; they got along well, Mikhail would always have fun when they were together, and Bob genuinely was a good person. Bob made it very easy to care about him.

But caring about someone couldn’t be that easy, right? Caring about people meant giving a part of one’s self to that person, and that sounded like the furthest thing from being easy. So why did it feel like the simplest thing in the world to care about him? Did it really mean that Mikhail only cared because he got something out of it?

He sighed.

Bucky clicked his tongue before laying a hand on Mikhail’s shoulder. “Some people are lucky to have that one person they’d run to the end of the world for. Who gives a fuck about anything else?”

Mikhail bit his lips. “Bit dramatic,” he said, deflecting.

“Whatever,” Bucky grumbled as he took his hand back.

“Did you have someone like that?” Mikhail asked.

“I did.”

Mikhail didn’t say anything else. He wouldn’t understand the gravity of what it meant to be over a hundred years old, what one would have lost in all that time. Anything he might say could just cause harm.

“Just talk to him, Mikhail,” Ava started, “I’ve just gotten used to the two of you acting like inseparable schoolgirls, it would be annoying if you made things awkward at home now.”

“Okay. Uncalled for,” Mikhail retorted unseriously.

The rest of the ride was mostly silent after that. Mikhail secretly practiced what he was going to say to Bob in his head on their way home. The chopper landed back at the tower in the afternoon with Alexei ready to greet them as soon as they got off.

“Welcome home, team!” he exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Hi, Alexei,” the three of them said together as they went inside.

“Lena and Walker went out,” Alexei informed them.

Mikhail hummed in response, pausing for a moment before he spoke again. “Where’s Bob…?”

Like clockwork, the man appeared seemingly out of nowhere, crawling out of the shadows. He waved meekly. “Hi guys.”

Mikhail swallowed the lump in his throat. “Hey—“ He started to approach Bob, pushing through the voices in his head telling him not to make more of a fool of himself, but was quickly stopped when Val came barging in.

“Barnes, Starr, Stepanov; with me, now,” Val said as she tapped on her phone.

“Excuse me?” Ava questioned.

“You guys are scheduled to make an appearance with me today,” Val responded. “Where are Yelena and John?”

“Not home, apparently,” Bucky responded.

“Can we do it another time? We haven’t slept all night,” said Mikhail.

“No.”

“What about Red Guardian?” Alexei asked.

“Yeah, just have Alexei go with you, he’d be happy to,” Mikhail suggested.

Val made a face full of cynicism then shook her head. “Yeah, no.”

“Fine,” Mikhail groaned, “I’ll go get changed.”

“No, no, keep your costumes on. The press would love it.”

It was a suit, but okay, whatever. Val walked off, with Bucky and Ava begrudgingly following behind. Mikhail sighed before turning to face Bob.

“Can we talk later?” he asked the man.

Bob nodded. “Yeah. See you when you’re back.”

Mikhail nodded back before going to catch up with the others. He could hear Alexei’s frustrated words about not being appreciated behind him.

The nap Mikhail took during their car ride to the venue wasn’t nearly enough to get his energy back, and the fact that the event was incredibly boring didn’t help. It was basically endless hordes of rich people complimenting Valentina for her work with The New Avengers and the three of them being paraded like dogs in a pet show.

They got their photos taken every few seconds, and Mikhail really disliked all the attention. Even when he’d think he could get a moment for himself and get something to eat, there would be a photographer ready to snap a picture. Mikhail being mid-bite into a pig in a blanket didn’t make for a very flattering angle.

Every now and again they would get asked questions that were thankfully too uninspired and uninteresting to require them having to use any brain cells to answer.

“What’s it like being an Avenger?”

“Who’s the strongest super soldier?”

“Do you know any of the original Avengers?”

“Why didn’t you disclose your past as a Black Widow agent until later on?”

Because he didn’t fucking want to.

Mikhail was so incredibly bored, he couldn’t help but wonder if Walker and Yelena purposely went out so they wouldn’t have to be involved in this torture. All he wanted to do was get home and sleep. And talk to Bob. But no, Val just had to show them off like dolls while she tricked people into thinking she was the one responsible for ‘taking care of a very serious drug smuggling operation.’

And he would never admit it to anyone, but he was growing increasingly anxious over what he was even supposed to say to Bob. Should Mikhail apologize? But for what? For caring? That sounded so patronizing. And if Mikhail was being honest, he didn’t want to be sorry. Being sorry implied that he would work on not caring about Bob anymore, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Ava’s words echoed in his head; ‘just because you feel good being around someone doesn’t mean you can’t genuinely care about them as well’, and Mikhail really did want to believe that he cared not just for himself.

It was dumb anyway. Why didn’t he feel the same way about the others? He’d grown to care about them too, every single one of them. And he wasn’t wracking his brain trying to figure out whether he only cared about the team because he got something out of it.

Then again, there was the matter of Bob being the only one who had suggested that perhaps Mikhail’s heart was not in the right place… not in those exact words.

Being able to be a part of this team had been an absolute pleasure. He was still kind of working for Valentina, except not really, and his assignments were only moderately less shady now than before, but something about being an Avenger added weight to what he did, that perhaps he was fighting for the good side now. He supposed that was what it felt like being an Avenger.

But that was nothing compared to having his team around him. Getting to go home to these people had been the highlights of all his days, being around his friends where he felt truly seen, and on ambitious days, accepted.

And no one had made Mikhail feel as accepted as Bob did. Just from the way the man was willing to see him as a person capable of being more than what he was, no strings attached, how could anyone blame Mikhail for wanting to be around that?

His train of thought was interrupted by a crew member holding a giant camera at his face.

“Mr. Stepanov, over here!”

Mikhail put on a polite smile and turned to the man, waving a hello at him.

The rest of the day went on like this, endless cameras pointed at them for photos or being filmed as they got asked questions for whatever media outlet they were working for. Hours had passed and Mikhail could see the sun setting outside. He was just about ready to pass out.

As a desperate attempt to get out of here, he approached Valentina to ask if he could go home. Before he could say anything, she pulled him close to pose for yet another camera crew member.

“Can we please go home now? I’m running on fumes,” Mikhail mumbled to Val through his forced smile.

Val only nodded, clearly trying to give a reassuring look. There was nothing reassuring about her response at all. She walked off as the photographer had taken their picture and went to socialize with other important-looking people, Mel just always a step behind her.

And as it had been for most of the event, Mikhail wouldn’t even get a moment to himself as a reporter approached him alongside a cameraman behind her… no rest for the wicked.

“Mr. Stepanov, what can you tell us about what it’s like working with your fellow Avengers?” The reporter held her microphone close to Mikhail’s face.

He blinked.

“Um. It’s been great working with them. Best team I’ve ever had,” he answered somewhat robotically.

The reporter gestured for Mikhail to keep going, her smile becoming more unnerving by the second.

“We, um, we play to each other’s strengths. Like, John and Alexei are really strong, Ava can go through walls and it’s really useful. Oh— and Bucky’s metal arm is strong too.”

He was starting to slur his words a little and was having some trouble forming coherent thoughts to answer the reporter. He was so tired.

“Uhh… great. Thank you for your time,” the reporter awkwardly said. She was preparing to walk away when her cameraman whispered something to her ear. Her face lit up with realization held her microphone back to Mikhail. “Sorry, forgot to ask! What can you tell us about the mysterious man who stays at the Avengers Tower with you all: Bob?”

“Bob?” Mikhail echoed, and was met with a nod from the reporter. “He’s our friend. He’s— he’s great. He’s so nice, and sweet, and he’s my best friend, and he calls me Misha, and I really like it when he does, and I hope he doesn’t secretly hate me, and—“

Bucky appeared seemingly out of nowhere and grabbed Mikhail by the arm. “Sorry to cut this short, but we need to, uh, go over there for a sec.”

The reporter nodded confusingly and thanked Bucky. The Winter Soldier pulled him over to Mel who was tapping on her tablet as she watched over Val.

“We’re going home,” Bucky told her.

“But—“

“Now,” Bucky demanded.

Mel almost jumped from Bucky’s voice. Some people nearby turned to them, but went back to minding their own business almost immediately.

“I’ll call for the car then,” she said nervously and walked away.

“You okay?” Bucky asked Mikhail.

“I’m so fucking tired, man. I don’t know how you’re still standing fine.”

“Super soldier,” Bucky said with a monotone voice.

Ava joined them shortly and she looked just as exhausted as Mikhail. Fortunately, they didn’t have to wait long for their car ride to arrive. Despite Val’s protests, they left the venue and headed home. Mikhail fell asleep as soon as they got in the car.

He’d only intended to take the chance to nap, but the next time he opened his eyes, he found himself laying on the couch, a small blanket over him and, apparently, some company. Yelena and Bob sat next to each other on the other side of the couch, conversing about something Mikhail’s brain was still trying to process as it woke up.

“Oh. Look who’s awake,” he heard Yelena say.

Mikhail sat up and rubbed his eyes. It was dark out, which led him to believe that he’d been asleep for several hours at least.

“Ava and Bucky carried you up,” Yelena added, because she very much knew Mikhail hated hearing that. “Well, I am going to bed. Goodnight, Bob. Goodnight, Misha.”

“Thanks, Yelena,” Bob said to her as she walked off. He turned to Mikhail. “How’re you feeling, Misha?”

Mikhail blinked a few times, trying to shake off the drowsiness. “Fine. Tired. You?”

Bob shrugged. “I’m okay.”

“What time is it?”

“Like, twelve something. Everyone’s gone to bed.”

“Oh.”

Mikhail took the blanket off of him and folded it over to the side. He set his feet on the floor as he stretched out his arms and let out a yawn. He spoke again.

“How come you’re not in bed yet?”

“Um…” Bob twiddled his fingers. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“Right. Yeah.” Mikhail swallowed. “Listen—“

“I’m sorry,” Bob blurted out. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I was—”

“What – no! You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Mikhail interrupted.

“No, I do. I didn’t mean any of what I said. It was just…” Bob trailed off, seemingly not knowing what to say.

They stayed silent for a moment. Mikhail wondered what had been going on in Bob’s head for the past week, wondered if he’d even been thinking about Mikhail while he was gone, if he thought about what happened the last time they spoke. A soft chuckle came out of his mouth, prompting Bob to look confusingly at him.

“I wanted to talk to you to say that I think you might’ve been right,” Mikhail said.

“Oh.”

“Well, partly,” Mikhail added.

“Oh…?”

Mikhail looked into Bob’s eyes, not breaking contact as he spoke. “It’s really nice being around you, Bob. I don’t know, you just make it easier to…” He shrugged.

“To feel like tomorrow’s worth living for?” Bob prompted warily, which brought a smile on Mikhail’s face to know that Bob remembered what he had told him before.

“Yeah, that.” Mikhail took a deep breath before he spoke again. “I don’t want to stop feeling that way about you.”

“I don’t want you to either… it’s nice to know I make someone feel like that,” Bob said in a low, hesitant voice. “I don’t even know why I said what I said.”

“I have a thought,” Mikhail started.

Bob raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“I stop giving a fuck about why I like being around you and just let things be. I just— I genuinely care about you, Bob. Not just because I feel good when I’m around you.”

It was Bob who broke eye contact as he lowered his head. “What if that goes away? What if you grow tired of me? I know I’m not the easiest person to be with – especially during my, um, episodes.”

“Hey.” Mikhail laid a finger on Bob’s chin and lifted the man’s head up so that he would be looking back at him. “I’m not gonna get tired of you, okay? On the good days, or the bad ones. You’re like, my favorite guy, you know.”

Bob’s lips tugged into a smile as he let out a chuckle. “You’re my best friend, too.”

“Too?” Mikhail said, raising a brow in confusion.

“Um. I saw what you said about me on TV earlier,” Bob said shyly.

Mikhail’s confusion grew, but it didn’t take a lot of searching in his brain to remember the reporter asking him about Bob back at Val’s event. And he wanted to hide in a cave now please.

“Oh. That.” He let out a nervous laugh, but managed to shake it off. “I thought Yelena was your best friend,” he teased.

Bob chuckled again. “You’re both my best friends.”

Mikhail bumped his shoulder against Bob’s. “I’m glad you don’t secretly hate me.”

“Me too. About you, I mean.”

Before Mikhail could say anything back, Bob leaned forward and planted a kiss on Mikhail’s cheek. It only lasted for half a second, but it was enough to freeze in place as the feeling on Bob’s lips burned on his skin.

“Goodnight, Misha,” Bob said as he smiled sheepishly.

“Night, Bob,” Misha Mikhail muttered.

Bob walked off to his room, leaving Mikhail alone as he stumbled to compose himself. Even when he tried to stop it, there was no escaping the giddy smile surfacing on his face. Well, he was just glad, alright? That he and Bob were good now. Thinking about it, maybe they never were as bad as Mikhail made it out to be, just that their mission was so very ill-timed and he hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Bob all week.

Mikhail was still getting the hang of this whole caring about other people's business. After his fellow Widows got blipped, he only really had Val, and, okay, forgive him, but he was never going to care about her. And now he had a whole team around him.

And this wonderful person, this friend he had made that proved that the type of fondness he’d witnessed on TV shows and movies could actually be real, it just took finding the right person. Perhaps Mikhail had this whole thing backwards; maybe he didn’t care about Bob because Mikhail felt lighter around him, but that he felt that way because he’d grown to care for Bob.

That made no sense, and the only thing that made sense.

Despite being exhausted, Mikhail barely slept a wink that night. The invisible mark that Bob’s lips left on his cheek stayed for hours and hours.

loud, annoying birthday parties

It wasn’t like there hadn’t been a day that passed where Mikhail didn’t think about that night, but also, okay, there hadn’t been, because how could he exist without that occupying his mind every other thought? His memories were vivid, his cheek still burned every time he thought about it.

Despite his efforts to ignore it, it was kind of impossible with how much time he spent being around Bob, even more so than before now. One time during a solo mission, Bob insisted he’d keep Mikhail company on the phone as he worked with authorities to stop a bank robbery. (Side note: people still did that?)

He had a thought; something he dismissed every time it came up. It was fucking embarrassing because he wasn’t a fucking child. But. Maybe – and what was a big maybe – Yelena was right and he had a small, tiny, little crush on Bob (yes, that was how she put it, shut up). And hey, it didn’t sound that far fetched. The man was great.

But also, it sounded dumb, because he wasn’t some teenager, and who even got crushes nowadays anyway? Yet, it was the only thing that remotely made sense when he could feel his heartbeat going faster while he and Bob sat at the couch as the other man painted on his nails as they waited for everyone else to get ready for Walker’s kid’s birthday thing.

Why they were even invited was beyond Mikhail. But if he was being honest... maybe it was kind of nice that Walker told them he wanted the team to be there.

What wasn’t nice was Walker making them wait for who knew how long at this point. Where the man went, no one knew. So when he finally did show up, everyone else was just about over it.

“Why aren’t you guys ready?” Walker asked apprehensively.

The audacity.

“We are ready,” Yelena retorted. “We have been waiting for you. Where the hell have you been?”

“I was at the bakery getting a cake.” Walker held up the pink box he was carrying. “There was a huge line and apparently being US Agent doesn’t mean anything to those peopl—“

“You bought a cake?” Mikhail questioned. “You asked me to make one yesterday!”

“I helped,” Bob added, raising a hand.

“It’s literally sitting in the fridge right now,” Mikhail stated.

Walker just stared at Mikhail as if he was being slow at processing what Mikhail had just said. He totally forgot about Mikhail’s cake, the fucking asshole. He just shook his head and shrugged. “Well, now we can have that one for us. Come on, cars are waiting downstairs.”

“Fine,” Mikhail said deflated, “Let me go get my jacket.”

“No, there’s no time, we’re already so late,” Walker countered.

“And whose fault is that?” Ava sassed.

“Come on, come on!” Walker exclaimed impatiently.

“Fine!” Mikhail yelled out.

Mikhail got up and grumbled his way out the door with the rest of the team following behind. Bob took his hand and reminded him that the polish was still drying on his nails and to be careful not to smudge them.

He ignored how his body tensed up for a moment at Bob’s touch.

“Woo! Finally we are going!” Alexei cheered ahead.

Yelena, Ava and Alexei took the first car while Walker, Mikhail and Bob took the second. Bucky was out of town. Yelena was initially supposed to sit with Mikhail and Bob, but Alexei insisted they spend some time together on the car ride to Walker’s ex’s home. Mikhail wished her good luck.

Then again, a lot of the time spent in Mikhail’s car was him explaining the cake baking process to Walker and why it was very annoying that he’d forget about it. Mikhail knew he was being over the top at some point, scolding Walker like he was some child, but he couldn’t help but let the word vomit out. Walker most likely spaced out and stopped listening after a while anyway.

At least Bob said he enjoyed making the cake with him. Mikhail calmed down eventually.

“Hey, John, can I ask you a question?” Mikhail prompted warily a bit later on.

“What?”

“Is your family okay with, um…” Mikhail paused, not being able to find the words he needed.

“With?” Walker probed.

“People like me?” Mikhail ended up saying.

“Don’t worry about it. My ex knows I work with ex-Soviet assassins,” Walker said, waving a hand dismissively.

“Um. Not that, Walker. The other thing.”

Walker raised a brow. “The other thing? Oh. Oh. Jesus, who do you think we are?”

Mikhail shrugged. For no good reason, he couldn’t really trust basic levels of human decency from anyone these days.

“It’s mostly just gonna be Liv’s family there, but yes, you’re good, don’t worry.”

“Sure…” Mikhail muttered cautiously. Not that he needed to worry about ‘being good’ but sure.

He never cared about what people thought of him, so worrying about whether Walker's family would have a problem with him or not was new. It really wouldn’t have made a difference if they were idiots, but, well, it would be nice not to have conflict anyway.

Mikhail felt Bob grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. He turned to the man next to him, and Bob was flashing a warm, kind smile. Mikhail returned the gesture with a smile of his own as their fingers intertwined, the matching gold polish on their nails shimmering under the bright sunlight.

It was past lunch time when they arrived at John’s ex’s house and the party had seemingly already started, evident from all the children yelling in the distance. Mikhail wasn’t expecting it to be so… loud. The team went through the gate one by one, with Walker in the front carrying the cake box. His ex-wife came to greet them looking exhausted already.

“You’re late,” she told Walker, annoyance in her tone. “I’ve been waiting for the cake, John.”

Mikhail saw Walker tense up. “S-sorry—“

“It’s fine, just give me the cake,” she cut him off. She turned to the others when Walker handed her the box. “Party’s in the backyard, come on in,” she said as she went on ahead.

Walker faced the team, a nervous smile on his face as he shrugged clumsily before we followed Olivia Walker into the house.

“I will text Bucky to call us for a fake emergency so we can get out of here,” Yelena suggested.

“Oh, come now, Lena,” Alexei said.

“We should stay,” Bob, “Walker’s probably panicking inside, we should show our support.”

Yelena groaned. “You are so annoying, Bob,” she said as she went in.

He just chuckled in response before he, too, followed along with the rest of them.

Nothing could have ever prepared Mikhail for the chaos in Olivia Walker’s backyard. If this was how children’s birthday parties went, maybe he was a bit relieved that he’d never had one. Children were running all over the place waving their balloon animals in hand, screaming and yelling at each other in a way that supposedly conveyed that they were having fun.

The parents seemed like they were wearing invisible noise-canceling headphones or something, they were completely unfazed by all the noises their children were making and just conversed with one another. It was like some superpower they had developed or something.

“Okay, no,” Mikhail heard Ava say. “I can’t do this.”

As he turned to face her, he only caught a glimpse of her figure dematerializing out of existence.

“Hello, everybody! Red Guardian is here!” Alexei loudly announced.

That caught everyone’s attention. Some kids started running towards them, and that was Mikhail’s cue to distance himself from the group. The children jumped on Alexei who effortlessly lifted several of them up in the air as they hung onto his arms like monkeys on tree branches.

A handful of the adults also approached them, and even Mikhail couldn’t escape that.

The few that had approached him opened by saying how it was nice for John to have ‘nice coworkers’ around, which was supposed to be them being polite, Mikhail supposed. And immediately after that they started to ask him Avengers-related questions, and some of them Mikhail didn’t even know how to answer, or if he was even allowed to. How the hell was he supposed to know what the current Captain America: Sam Wilson thought about their team, he had never spoken to the man, and he never really thought to ask Bucky about him.

And then came the very invasive questions that made Mikhail very uncomfortable. He knew these people meant well, but he hardly talked about these topics to people he liked, let alone strangers. He deflected as much as he could, and luckily for him Olivia appeared and announced it was time for cake.

They sang happy birthday to Walker’s son, and while the team were still getting some attention afterwards, it slowly dwindled to just a person or two coming up to them to ‘get to meet an Avenger’ or something.

The noise didn’t die down though. Alexei was eating up all the attention, but Yelena looked like she was just trying to survive the day. Walker was with his kid as he socialized with who Mikhail assumed were old friends, or something like that. And Ava was still nowhere to be found. That lucky jerk.

Mikhail took his chance when he was finally alone and walked away to find a more quiet spot to hide from the party. In a more secluded corner of the yard, he found Bob sitting by himself, who straightened himself and waved when he saw Mikhail approaching.

“Hi, Misha,” he greeted warmly.

“You’ve been hiding here this whole time?” Mikhail asked as he sat beside Bob.

“No. Just since… a bit ago. It was getting a bit too loud over there.”

“Yeah…” Mikhail nodded. “I don’t know how parents do this everyday.”

Bob chuckled. “Well, I don’t think they have birthday parties every single day, so there’s that.”

“True.” Mikhail sighed. “I still don’t think I’d be able to do it, though. This whole… family thing.”

“Good thing wife and kids isn’t really your thing then, right?” Bob teased.

“Right,” Mikhail responded in a small laugh.

In the distance, they could see Walker with his son in his arms as he talked to some of his old friends. It was like seeing a whole different side of him that Mikhail rarely got to witness, if at all. The man rarely smiled, and right now he was beaming.

Mikhail could remember when Walker and his ex finally had a conversation about their parenthood situation, and when Olivia agreed to let him back in their child’s life, it was like a cosmic ball of sunshine and happiness hit the super soldier in the face. He couldn’t stop talking about his kid and how everything in the world was great and perfect and wonderful and great, or something like that. Probably not in those words. Mikhail was happy for his friend, of course.

But in this moment, seeing him like this, he couldn’t help but notice that there was something iffy in his chest. It wasn’t a new feeling, but Mikhail mostly ignored it whenever the same feeling would arise when he’d see Alexei with Yelena, because it wasn’t a big deal or anything. Just that this time he was feeling it towards Walker.

“I wonder if I would’ve gotten birthday parties like this, too,” he blurted out and regretted as soon as he did. He did not need to be sharing these what-ifs in his head with anyone.

“I didn’t have them either,” Bob responded.

Mikhail’s lips formed a thin line. He hooked his arm around Bob’s, not just for Bob’s comfort, but for his own as well.

“It’s nice to see Walker trying to be a better dad,” Bob started, “He looks like he really loves his son.”

“Yeah…” Mikhail breathed out.

“Have you ever tried to look for your dad?” Bob asked hesitantly.

“I have. I’ve never been able to bring myself to talk to him.”

“Oh.”

“Besides, I’ve kind of experienced having a dad anyway,” Mikhail said cynically.

Bob turned to him, brows raised in confusion. “The one you said you, um, murdered?”

“Yup,” Mikhail deadpanned, accentuating the ‘p’.

“I don’t think that counts.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Mikhail hesitated for a moment, he really wasn’t one to want to talk about these things. But since they were already talking about it… it wouldn’t hurt, right? “When I was assigned to play his child, I remember wanting to be like a normal family, even if it was just gonna be pretend. All the hurt he caused me; that’s not how dads are supposed to treat their children. And then there’s my actual family who don’t know I even exist anymore.”

Since forming the New Avengers, Mikhail had thought about perhaps giving talking to his father another try. Now that Mikhail was an Avenger, that had to count for something, right? Even if he had been forgotten and replaced like Mikhail had feared, his dad would still be able to see that great accomplishment and be proud of him, right?

But he always dismissed the idea. The thought of having his dad be able to accept him was nice, but it was nothing more than just a fantasy. He just needed to accept that there are things he’d lost that he would never be able to get back.

Bob hummed before he spoke. “I think we are allowed to choose who our family is. My dad will always be my dad, but he’s not my family anymore – you guys are. You, and Yelena, everyone… even Walker too sometimes.” He let out a small laugh.

Mikhail didn’t know what to say to that. He’d never thought about it like that. This was not some movie where people would eventually find others like them and form a bond or whatever, this was real life. The New Avengers didn’t even assemble on their own accord, it was thrust upon them. And everyone in the team could not be any more different from one another. But something about the idea of Mikhail treating their team as some sort of family felt nice, comforting. And the fact that Bob saw them as one was very heart-warming.

There was nothing Mikhail could do but let his lips curve into a smile, but it quickly went away as a chilling breeze passed by that made Mikhail shudder, his arms reflexively wrapped around himself.

“Oh. Here.” Bob started to shrug off his jacket.

“No, no need—“ Mikhail tried to say, but Bob went on to drape the hoodie on Mikhail’s shoulders anyway.

“It’s okay,” Bob said as he adjusted the jacket’s position, “I run hot anyway.”

Mikhail was suddenly very aware of how close Bob was, and Mikhail was very aware that this was the first time he was seeing Bob not being drowned by baggy layers of clothing, but just a plain, white, short-sleeved tee shirt.

His eyes lingered on Bob as the man fussed over his jacket to position it properly on Mikhail, until their gazes met. Mikhail’s heart felt like it was going to come out of his ribcage as it beat faster and faster in his chest. He was frozen in place, he hoped once Bob back away that he would be able to exhale the breath that he’d involuntarily held in, but the other man stayed in place as well, not breaking eye contact.

Mikhail could have sworn that it seemed like Bob was starting to lean forward, but the two of them practically jumped as they heard someone clearing their throat.

“Please don’t start making out, guys,” Ava said as she popped back to existence.

“What the hell, Ava?!” Mikhail exclaimed as he composed himself. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough,” she said, and Mikhail could feel his face burning up.

“Where have you been, anyway?” Mikhail stammered.

“Hiding from those people, mostly.” Ava pointed at the party participants.

“Oh.”

The three of them sat in their (slightly more) quiet little corner for the rest of the celebrations. Yelena noticed them at some point and joined their silent group. Alexei on the other hand remained in the party, being the center of everyone’s attention, much to Walker’s annoyance.

Mikhail only had bits and pieces of Yelena’s history with Alexei, he knew they didn’t have a perfect relationship, but the few times Yelena had talked about her childhood with him, and the many, many, many times Alexei did, her youth did seem quite pleasant. Before Alexei handed her to the Red Room.

But it was the way he tried, Mikhail could see that Alexei really was trying to make up for his mistakes, and Yelena might try to hide it, but he knew it made her happy. And Mikhail would never admit it, but seeing how Alexei cared for Yelena would always surround him with an uninvited air of melancholy with just a hint of envy. He was happy for her. Mikhail knew Alexei wasn’t perfect, but he was her family nonetheless.

Maybe there was something about what Bob said choosing who their family is. If anything, the sentiment was nice, and if Mikhail could choose to have anyone as his family, it would be these guys.

By the time it was time to go, everyone was practically spent. Mikhail didn’t realize how much he’d appreciate a quiet car ride home until the sound of children yelling finally faded away. Walker had a smile on his face the entire time, while Bob slept leaning his head on Mikhail’s shoulder.

When they got home, Mikhail had a slice of the cake he had baked just to spite Walker. It wasn’t until he was in his room to settle in for the night that he realized he was still wearing Bob’s jacket, and maybe he didn’t want to take it off – because it was so comfortable, of course. (He took it off anyway.)

another day

Mikhail tried his best not to be greedy. He had a good thing going in his life right now, having a job that he mostly didn’t hate with people he actually liked. He had made some close friends he never would’ve thought was even possible anymore before all of this.

However.

It was getting quite challenging to hold his urges to push further when feelings got involved. Because, okay, maybe he had developed some sort of stupid feelings, because apparently just having his ‘small, tiny, little crush’ on Bob wasn’t enough.

Getting to spend time with these people was nice, getting to spend time with Bob was always a delight, but every now and again he’d get the urge to push further. Some days he’d bring back a pastry for Bob just because Mikhail knew it would bring a smile to Bob’s face, sometimes he’d bump his knee against Bob’s when they sat next to each other because Bob would always bump back, or when he’d ask for Bob’s help in the kitchen even if he didn’t need it and just wanted his company.

It felt greedy, and even with things going well despite his greed, Mikhail would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop at the back of his head. It couldn’t just stay nice like this forever, right?

But he couldn’t help but keep wanting more. He would have to face the consequences once they came for him, but for now, he allowed himself to have this, as much as he could anyway.

Mikhail had a mission today: to successfully make a good pot of chili.

The dish came up last night when he was having dinner with the team. Bucky had mentioned how he used to go to fairs and get chili. He only spoke briefly of it, but it was enough for Mikhail to latch on it and get inspired for his next concoction. Now that he thought about it, he’d never had chili before, so it would be interesting to get to try it.

He had a recipe that he’d found online ready. The problem was that when he rummaged through the kitchen for the ingredients, he was missing one thing.

“Lena,” he called out to Yelena, “come with me to the supermarket.”

“No,” she said in a direct manner.

“Why not?”

“I am in the middle of something.” She held up the tablet in her hand momentarily.

“But I need to get cocoa powder,” Mikhail said, as if that justified why Yelena should go with him.

“We have hot chocolate mix,” she deadpanned.

“No, they’re different,” Mikhail stated matter-of-factly.

Yelena sighed. “Take Bob with you.”

Mikhail raised a brow. It would be his first instinct to ask Bob to go with him if it wasn’t for the fact that Bob didn’t normally like going out of the tower. Bob, who was sitting on his chair near the window, looked up at Mikhail at the mention of his name. “I would love to come, if you’ll have me.”

“Really?” Mikhail asked cautiously, to which Bob nodded in response.

“Have fun, you two,” Yelena said in a monotone voice, not even bothering to look away from her tablet.

The duo made their way out of the tower, and immediately as the two of them exited, a chill breeze passed through them. The sun was just warm enough to neutralize the coldness of the wind, and also, it was generally warm being around Bob. A small manifestation of his Sentry powers, they’ve deduced. It wasn’t just because of his feelings for Bob or anything like that, because that would be stupid.

There wasn’t much talking on their way to the supermarket, Bob mostly took in his surroundings and breathed in the fresh air. He stayed close to Mikhail at all times, even during their short stay at the grocery shop.

On their way back, they passed by the bakery where Mikhail would get pastries for Bob, so he asked the man if he wanted to get one since they were there anyway. They ended up getting “pastel de nata” tarts for the both of them, snacking on the pastries on their way home. They were very nice, and Bob thanked Mikhail for the treat.

Greedy.

Once they got home, Mikhail got onto working on the chili, with Bob offering to help. Didn’t even have to ask him this time. The online recipe also provided instructions for cornbread that the website suggested would pair well with the chili, so they made that as well.

Even with how regularly Mikhail would cook now, he still found some aspects to it to be quite tedious; the prepping more specifically. Bob helped with that. And while Bob’s knife skills weren’t the best, it wasn’t like Mikhail would be able to do any better. All that assassin training and none of it helped with slicing vegetables evenly? Really?

It was also laughable how little of the cocoa powder the recipe said to use, but he’d learned his lesson not to leave or change any ingredients out for these dishes. And by the time he tasted his dish, he couldn’t even tell there was any in it at all.

The chili itself; it was okay. Everyone else seemed to share the same sentiment during dinner. Mikhail had no point of comparison, so he wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be like that or if it was a him issue.

Bucky – whose input Mikhail was anticipating the most – didn’t really say anything besides a small humming sound that didn’t sound like discontentment, so that was something. And then there was Alexei who devoured the entire thing, but that Super Soldier would practically eat anything to begin with.

After dinner, Alexei suggested a movie, claiming he’d found ‘the perfect movie to show his support and appreciation’, looking directly at Mikhail as he said that. That was concerning, yet his curiosity was piqued.

The team cozied up while Alexei set the movie on their screen. Whatever expectations Mikhail could have conjured for the movie, nothing would have ever prepared him for the shitshow that the next two or so hours would bring.

Mikhail almost lost it only twenty minutes into the film when the characters started singing about surgical procedures, turning to his side to stifle his laugh discreetly. Bob, who was sitting next to him, turned to Mikhail as he held in his own laughter.

He tried his best to pay attention to the movie, but being subjected to that was like an out-of-body, dissociative experience and at some point Mikhail wondered if this was secretly Alexei’s way of torturing them, because none of his other comrades seemed to be taking the movie seriously.

When it finally ended, Alexei was so moved that Mikhail swore he could hear him sniffling.

“That…” Mikhail started, small laughter mixing with his words, “was the most offensive thing I’ve ever seen.”

“What?!” Alexei exclaimed, raw confusion in his voice. “What do you mean? It was beautiful movie! With beautiful message!”

“Did you know that the actress isn’t even Mexican?” Ava chimed in, holding up her phone to show them the lead’s Wikipedia page.

The team chuckled.

“But it won tons of awards,” Alexei said, his voice deflating with each word.

“I’m sure it did,” Mikhail said sarcastically. He cleared his throat before he spoke again. “Thank you, Alexei. I appreciate your sentiment.”

“Well, I’m going to bed,” Bucky announced. “Goodnight, everyone.”

He headed off, and the rest of them followed. Mikhail heard Alexei mumble something on his way out, with Yelena trying comforting him. Bob hadn’t left yet, and truly, Mikhail had no reason to stay behind as well besides wanting to have more time with the other man before the day ended.

Greedy.

Bob turned to him, the most gentle smile on his face that brought such tender warmth to Mikhail’s chest, yet at the same time felt so intense it could melt him.

“Today was nice,” Bob said after a moment.

“It was,” Mikhail muttered, “Thanks for, um, all your help today.”

Bob nodded sheepishly. He looked down for a second, seemingly hesitating on something. Mikhail tried to say something, but was caught off guard when Bob leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.

Mikhail tried not to freeze like a deer in headlights like last time, but the suddenness of Bob’s actions was too much for him to react accordingly. Mikhail could fight a gang of weapon-wielding thugs, trust his reflexes to react accordingly and come out unscathed. But with Bob, Mikhail was completely at his mercy, and it was pathetic.

“Goodnight, Misha,” Bob said as he pulled away.

It wasn’t until then that Misha Mikhail realized he’d been holding his breath. He let himself exhale before he responded. “Night, Bob. See you tomorrow.”

Bob smiled bashfully before turning and heading towards his room, Mikhail watching from the back as he went. A moment later, Mikhail followed suit and went to his own bedroom.

This had been the second time that Bob had done something like this, and just like before, Mikhail didn’t really know what to do with it. He knew what he wanted; he wanted more. He wanted to let his greed take over and just let himself want more without having to worry about the consequences.

Nothing had happened yet, he wasn’t being punished for pushing his luck, and that was what scared him. He just could not shake off the feeling that the more he had, the bigger the blowup was going to be. He had so much to lose, he wouldn’t know what he’d do with himself if he let that happen.

However.

Whenever he held himself back, it would always feel like his heart would come out of his throat. Like he would literally burst if he didn’t do something about it. He indulged himself with the small moments he could get, but it never stopped him from wanting more. Maybe it even did the opposite. Because there was nothing he wanted at this moment than to just knock on Bob’s door and—

His train of thought got cut short by someone knocking on his door. Mikhail wondered for a second if he was starting to hallucinate, if that sound was some manifestation of his desires, but Bob’s voice on the other side of the door all but confirmed it was real.

“Misha?” Bob’s muffled voice called out. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Mikhail managed to respond.

Bob entered the room with such mindfulness that Mikhail started to worry a little. He twiddled with his thumbs as he approached, his eyes avoiding contact with Mikhail’s. Only when Mikhail spoke did Bob dare to face him.

“Is everything okay?” Mikhail asked cautiously.

“Yeah— yeah, just…” Bob hesitated some more. He swallowed just before he spoke again. “Can I kiss you? On the lips?”

Mikhail blinked, his mind going blank. “What?” he blurted out.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for the longest time, but every time I try, I chicken out.” Bob stammered through his words, almost stumbling through them incoherently, his hands gesturing all over the place. “Every time I think I’m going to do it, get to kiss you, I get so scared that it’ll all blow up in my face. And I don’t even know if you feel the same way I do, and if you don’t then I’m so sorry, I’ll stop talking, I just had to ask—“

“Bob?” Mikhail interjected.

“Yeah…?”

“You can kiss me,” he muttered with wariness in his voice, like Mikhail wasn’t even sure how much of this was real and how any second it could all go away, leaving him with nothing but emptiness.

But it didn’t. Bob was still there, disbelief written all over his face, just like Mikhail’s. It took a second for Bob to step closer to Mikhail, still having the same mindfulness in his every movement.

He lifted a hand to reach for Mikhail’s face, and Mikhail couldn’t do anything but melt into it. Bob’s warm touch burned on Mikhail’s cheek, but in the best way imaginable.

Mikhail reached up and rested his own hand on Bob’s, and that was enough to give the incentive for Bob to go on. The taller man lowered his head and leaned down to press his lips against Mikhail’s, which sent jolts of electricity all over his entire being, making his eyes shut.

It was the chastest kiss Mikhail had ever had, and it only lasted for a few seconds instead of the forever he was hoping for. Bob’s lips were soft, tender, and when Bob pulled away, it took everything out of Mikhail not to draw him back into the kiss.

He was holding his breath again. Was the retribution for all his greed about to strike down on him right this moment? Mikhail couldn’t read what was going on in Bob’s head, he mostly looked like he was contemplating what had just happened.

And then, he smiled.

Bob leaned in once more, kissing Mikhail with much more passion than the first one, which Mikhail equally returned. Bob laid his hands behind Mikhail’s waist and pulled him closer, while Mikhail clasped his hands on either side of Bob’s face, kissing him harder.

Their lips crashed together in sloppy unison. Every few seconds one of them would pull back to catch their breath, only to return to the kiss shortly after.

Mikhail felt his heart pounding like a drum in his chest. His head was spinning despite all the clarity he was having; he couldn’t believe that it took until now for this to happen when nothing had made more sense than having this moment with Bob, their lips locked as their bodies swayed together in a rhythmic mess.

Bob pulled away again, and Mikhail immediately missed the feeling of the man’s lips on his when he didn’t return to the kiss, instead he looked into Mikhail’s eyes.

“Is— is this okay?” Bob asked as he panted, his face flustered and beet red.

Mikhail blinked, then chuckled through his shortness of breath. He wrapped his arms around the other man, holding Bob into a tight embrace with Mikhail’s face buried on his chest. He could feel Bob’s heartbeat, thumping just like his. Mikhail nodded slightly.

Yes, this was definitely okay.

He felt Bob’s own arms wrap around him tightly.

the next day

Mikhail had every belief that the next time he opened his eyes, he would find himself alone having woken from a dream. He stirred in his bed as he was coming to, and realized that he was in fact not by himself. Next to him, there laid Bob, sound asleep, an arm spread to the side which Mikhail’s own head was resting on.

He still wasn’t fully convinced that this wasn’t all just in his head, that any second this would all go away. Mikhail studied Bob’s face. He looked just as peaceful as that first day. Mikhail wondered if this was just an image his head had conjured from one of his most treasured memories.

It was so dumb. Everything felt real. Bob’s light snoring sounded real, the warmth that radiated off of him felt real, it felt real when Mikhail brushed his fingers against Bob’s face. It was pathetically a classic case of too good to be true.

Just as easy it was to believe none of this was real, all his doubts had seemingly magically gone away when Bob opened his eyes, his expressions shifting to a gentle face as he saw Mikhail looking at him.

“Good morning, Misha,” Bob said in a low yet very much real voice.

Mikhail shifted his position to get closer to the other man, nuzzling on Bob’s neck. “Morning,” he mumbled.

Bob buried his face in Mikhail’s hair and took a long breath, as if the man was taking Mikhail’s existence into account.

“Not gonna lie,” Bob began to say, “I expected to wake up and realize that last night was all just a dream. I know it sounds dumb, but…”

“No,” Mikhail said through a breathy chuckle, “I think I know what you mean.”

There was something cathartic about learning that he was not alone in having all these thoughts and doubts. It would be a blessing if he could somehow let all of them go, but shaking off the unsureness had always been impossible, somehow even more so when it came to Bob.

Why was it that Bob was the person he spent the most time with, the person he’d gotten to know the most out of everyone in his life, and yet he’d never had this much uncertainty about someone. Not about how Mikhail felt for him; on days where he could push past his hesitance and allow himself to stop denying his affections for Bob, Mikhail knew perfectly well how he felt about him.

What he was uncertain about was how Bob felt about him. Even with everything that had happened last night, and everything else before it, he wasn’t sure about what they all meant to Bob.

Was Mikhail allowed to throw caution in the wind and let himself want more than just having tiny specks of these moments with Bob? Was last night the confirmation, the green light for Mikhail to stop caring about all the hypothetical consequences that he’d built up in his head throughout his time being with these people?

He’d never felt like this for anyone before. He’d never felt the same care and affection he had for Bob, or anyone else in his team before for that matter. Mikhail believed that after everything he’d been through, after everything he needed to do to get his freedom, that having all this was impossible.

“What’re you thinking about?” Bob said, his gentle voice snapping Mikhail out of his train of thought. He repositioned the both of them so that he could face Mikhail, his warm gaze directed at Mikhail’s own eyes.

Mikhail shook his head lightly. “Nothing.”

“Misha,” Bob called his name out, unconvinced.

“I just…” He took a breath, gathering whatever courage existed in his person. “I like you so much, Bob. I like you so much that I’m scared I’ll fuck everything up if I make one wrong move. That I could lose whatever we have for being greedy and asking for too much.”

Bob didn’t say anything back at first, his expressions unmoving and indecipherable. Mikhail was starting to worry that he had said the wrong thing, but before he could do anything, Bob pressed his lips against Mikhail’s. The same electricity jolted all over Mikhail as the two shared a kiss.

“I like you too, Misha,” Bob said as he pulled away.

To that, Misha Mikhail’s lips curved into a smile, unable to form coherent words to respond to Bob.

“I get scared too. Like, all the time. I don’t even know how I got myself to knock on your door last night.” Bob shrugged with one shoulder. “But I don’t regret it. Do you?”

“No.” What grounds would Mikhail have to regret anything from last night?

“I don’t wanna let my fear take control of how I feel about you anymore. It already takes so much away from me, I’m not gonna let it take this away from me too.”

“And by ‘this’, you mean…?” Mikhail looked at Bob expectantly, coyness mixing with his unwavering smile.

Bob’s demeanor shifted, his lips curving into a shy grin. It was a curious sight to see him get bashful even now, when he was the more courageous one who knocked on Mikhail’s door last night. It was unbelievably charming.

“What I mean is, I think, maybe, I’m a little in love with you. And I want to keep falling in love with you, if you’ll allow me.”

Mikhail’s chest felt like it was about to burst again, but in the best way. It had never occurred to him that someone would one day say those words to him, how could they after all? And yet, Bob, this beautiful man right in front of him, the person who was always willing to see Mikhail for more than what he himself thought he was, was tearing down his life-long belief that he was destined to be eternally unlovable.

He nodded his head slightly. “I’d like that.”

The two of them stayed in bed a while longer. They talked about things where despite the mundanity of it all, still managed to feel delightful to discuss. They planted soft kisses on each other that made Mikhail question why he’d never realized he liked physical affection before when he loved every little thing Bob did. They laid there in silence, soaking up each other’s presence as they existed in one another’s arms.

Mikhail would have spent his forever like this, if it weren’t for his super annoying teammates who just had to call them for breakfast.

So they went. And it was the same as any other breakfast they’d had. Like how Alexei would continue pushing his Wheaties agenda or how John would consume an abnormal amount of eggs. There was nothing special about this meal, except for the fact that Mikhail felt so impossibly light in his chest the entire time.

He felt so undoubtedly happy that even he himself found it a bit obnoxious.

The Avengers would get called for a mission later in the day. Why they couldn’t just let that spider guy or the other dozen vigilantes handle whatever small crime was happening downtown was a mystery.

Actually, that wasn’t true. Mikhail knew it was because Val wanted the public opinion for ‘The New Avengers’ to improve. That much he could agree with, as much as he hated sharing any sentiments with that woman.

On their way out, Bob dared to give Mikhail a parting kiss, something he believed Bob did on purpose to embarrass him in front of their team. The group stared at them for a moment, but none said anything and decided to ignore it.

Except for Yelena, because of course she wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to make fun of Mikhail and give him a knowing look.

“What?” he practically shrilled. “I like him, and he likes me! Get over it!”

“Calm down, Misha, I did not even say anything,” Yelena said in a teasing tone.

Bob chuckled. Beside him, Fanny barked and wagged her tail.

Chapter Text

"Hello, Misha. It’s nice to see you again."

Mikhail should probably be surprised, but if he was being honest, it wasn’t much of a shock that it was back; the familiar darkness, and the Void along with it. Mikhail hated that it took Bob’s appearance. There was a logical reason, Mikhail knew that, but despite that, the shade entity resembling the person closest to his heart felt like a personal insult aimed at him. Especially with its insistence on using that name.

“Why are you back?”

“Back?” The Void hummed condescendingly before it spoke again. “I’m just here to see you, Misha. How are you?”

Mikhail didn’t respond. He looked straight into the Void’s beady eyes, almost indiscernible from the rest of its shadowy figure. He kept watch for any sudden movements, wary for any opening Mikhail could give for it to attack him.

But it didn’t move. It stayed still, almost inhumanly, like it wasn’t even breathing. Maybe it was just his imagination, but Mikhail could feel a pressure wrapping around his neck.

“Well…” it started, “Bob’s been doing well lately, hasn’t he?”

“And you’re here to ruin that for him?” Mikhail spat back.

“No. He’s doing a good job of that on his own.”

Mikhail’s jaw clenched, and it took everything in him not to just charge up to it and punch it in the face. He knew that it wouldn’t do anything judging from their last encounter with the darkness, but it would probably be satisfying to shut this thing up.

“And you, Misha? You’re doing well?”

Mikhail remained quiet for a moment, not wanting to give the Void anything it asked for. Yet at the same time, he felt compelled to let the darkness know that he was in fact doing well. That it lost. That they’re all doing fine and there was nothing it could do to change that.

“I am doing well, we’re all doing well,” Mikhail stated, “No thanks to you.”

The shadowy figure tilted its head curiously, its gaze never leaving Mikhail. “Big day tomorrow.”

Mikhail tensed up. “Shut up,” he barked.

The Void chuckled, its laughter echoing in Mikhail’s ears and sent chills down his spine. “I just wanted to wish you luck, Misha. That’s all.”

No words could come out of Mikhail’s mouth. The invisible rope around his neck felt tighter, but there was nothing there when he reached for them.

An unsettling smile formed on the shadowy entity’s expressions. “See you soon, Misha.”

The darkness around Mikhail expanded, almost like it was about to drown him. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but close his eyes, burdened by the weight of the emptiness that surrounded him. The air felt thicker, and trying to breathe felt like it suffocated him even more, so he held his breath. The silence of nothingness was deafening, so he tried to cover his ears.

None of it really worked, and the darkness remained.

“...Misha?”

Mikhail felt like he could almost hear Bob’s voice. He dared to open his eyes, and he found himself in the tower’s common area, with Bob and Yelena with him.

“Hello? Earth to Mikhail?” Yelena said, her words stretched and attention-grabbing.

Bob sat on a tall stool, a towel wrapped around him with Yelena just behind, scissors in hand. Right, she was attempting to give him a haircut.

Mikhail managed to snap out of it, and reality quickly came back all at once. He was sitting on the couch, back leaning and relaxed while he watched the two do their thing. It was funny, it was light, they were all having a nice time figuring this haircut ordeal together. Then everything went cold.

It was still cold, but in the usual way that living in this very metallic residence always felt. The rope around his neck had gone as well, everything that was just a moment ago faded away, like they never existed to begin with.

“Yeah?” Mikhail responded after clearing his throat.

Yelena raised a brow, which made Mikhail uncomfortable and prompted him to compose himself, trying to shake off any remnants of whatever that was.

“I said, what do you think?” she said, gesturing towards Bob’s freshly cut hair. “I think I did good, no?”

Bob looked at him expectantly. His dark curls no longer obscured his eyes, and the shorter hair framed his face differently. After a second of consideration, Mikhail decided that he liked it.

“You look handsome, Bob.”

Bob let out a toothy grin. “You think so?” He asked Yelena for a mirror, and he looked at himself curiously, seemingly unsure of what he thought about it.

“Yes, yes, very handsome. Stop being gross and mushy about it,” Yelena said, mock disgust in her voice.

They all laughed.

Mikhail helped out in cleaning the mess and sweeping the hairs off the floor. In the meantime, Bob went back to his room to shower, leaving just Yelena with Mikhail. After a moment, Yelena cleared her throat and started to speak.

“So, tomorrow—“ she tried to start.

“Hey, I’m going back to my room,” Mikhail interrupted, pretending he didn’t hear Yelena speaking first. “Thanks for your help today, Lena. Goodnight.”

He scurried away before Yelena could say anything else. Mikhail felt bad. He knew Yelena cared; she was probably about to say something sweet or encouraging about his trip tomorrow. Caring for these people, it had become a constant and familiar feeling at this point. Them caring back? That was still taking some getting used to.

It wasn’t like Mikhail didn’t like it, but, well, it was silly, but sometimes he would feel like he didn’t deserve it, that he was somehow doing something wrong by letting these people have regards for him. He knew that wasn’t the case, but the thought latched onto him like a stupid voice, perpetually residing in the darker corners of his mind. Their concern for him was genuinely appreciated. Yelena’s willingness to show her support was appreciated.

Just that… the thought of his friends supporting him right now felt uncomfortable. He didn’t want to somehow disappoint them if tomorrow didn’t go well.

The atmosphere of the familiar darkness loomed over him as he sat on his bed, back leaned against the headboard with a book in his hand – one of Bob’s books that he’d recommended to Mikhail recently, something to help him relax before settling in for the night.

Four soft knocks thumped on his door, followed by Bob’s gentle voice calling to his name. Mikhail gave word for him to come inside.

The other man had been sleeping over in his room every now and then since that night. It had been the most pleasant surprise when Mikhail realized that his concerns of having troubles sleeping with someone and waking up with another person next to him were practically nonexistent. It was nice, even. It was nice to find himself not being alone when he woke up in the morning, with Bob’s presence lighting up his room, almost interchangeable with the sun’s rays beaming through his window.

Bob entered Mikhail’s room, approached the bed and got under the sheets, cozying next to Mikhail and laying a soft kiss on his cheek.

That still gave him butterflies in his stomach, every time without fail.

His hair was slightly damp, and he had a small towel around his neck. He had that look in his eyes he would have when he wanted attention. Mikhail would never be able to put into words with how much he loved how comfortable Bob had gotten with him.

Mikhail leaned to return the kiss, a quick peck on Bob’s lips that seemed to catch him a bit by surprise. He didn’t seem to hate it though, judging from the smile curving from his lips.

“Hi,” Mikhail greeted.

“Hey. How you feeling?”

Mikhail shrugged slightly. “I’m fine,” he said dryly.

Bob nodded. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he instead grabbed the book he’d left in Mikhail’s room that he’d read whenever he spent his nights here.

The two of them buried their faces in their own books, existing in each other’s company in their isolated, little bubble. A nightly ritual at this point, a moment of respite from the overwhelming everything at the end of the day.

Some time passed, and the sound of Bob clearing his throat pierced through the delicate silence, his head turning to face Mikhail.

“Yeah?” he said to Bob.

“You all set for tomorrow?”

Tomorrow… Mikhail had been planning for it for a while; a trip back to his home city and paying a visit to his father, and finally talking to him.

It started a few months ago with a small thought, a vague hypothetical that manifested in his mind as John blabbed about his kid. And that thought lingered, staying in the corners of his mind, remaining unspoken until it wasn’t. Once he mentioned it to Bob, and his encouraging reception reaching Mikhail, it was practically set in stone.

Nothing really happened for a few weeks, with Mikhail’s hesitance deterring him from engaging with the thought. He brought it up every now and again, with his friends, and every time it would leave him thinking about what if he went through with it more and more. Eventually, he asked himself; what if?

What if he saw his father? What if he talked to him? What if he told him who he was? And now here he was, the night before he was to go to his home city, wondering if all of this was a mistake.

And all it took were a few meaningless words from the darkness.

“Mm-hmm,” Mikhail responded to Bob with a passive nod.

Bob didn’t say anything back, just looked back at Mikhail, seemingly unconvinced. Or maybe that was just something Mikhail needed to tell himself so he could allow himself to speak.

“I’m a little nervous about tomorrow…”

“I know,” Bob said, “It’s going to be okay.”

“I—  yeah. Whatever happens tomorrow, nothing’s going to change. But…”

“But, he’s your dad.”

“He’s my dad. And even if he’s a stranger to me, I guess— I don’t know. What if he doesn’t even care?”

Bob opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He just moved closer to Mikhail and wrapped an arm around him and held him tight.

Mikhail shifted and made himself comfortable in the man’s half embrace. He sent Bob a silent thanks. Though Mikhail’s worries didn’t subside, he at least felt comforted by Bob’s affections, and assured that no matter how catastrophic tomorrow may be, he would always have Bob and everyone else around him.

Probably.

When Mikhail got to his father’s shop’s doorstep, he found himself paralyzed with hesitation, unable to get himself to go inside. It felt like every little thing his brain had told him to convince himself that going through with this was a bad idea came crashing down in front of him in the form of a little shop in some corner in his home city.

Bob had stayed behind, he said it felt too personal for him to come along. It would only take one word from him for Mikhail to get the courage he would need to enter the shop.

Except he knew Bob would neither be pushing him through those doors nor telling him to give up. He would be telling Mikhail that he would support whatever decision he made, because that was just how Bob was.

And maybe Mikhail was projecting, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that despite that, Bob would still want him to enter this shop and meet his father. That was what he believed everyone back home would want. If he flaked out now, they would perhaps be disappointed in him. And that thought felt heavier than any exaggerated scenario regarding his father that went through his mind at this moment. It was dumb.

But with that in mind, he went in anyway.

“So… you didn’t get to talk to your dad?” Bob asked.

“Um, no, not really.”

Bob tilted his head with a confused look on his face. He gestured for Mikhail to elaborate.

“When I went into the shop, he was standing over the counter. I was going to go to him, but,” Mikhail took something out of his pocket, a bar of chocolate, and handed it to Bob, “I got candy instead. Then I left.”

Bob shifted from his seat and moved closer to Mikhail, reaching out for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Mikhail said as he nodded, “Maybe I just chickened out again, I don’t know, but I think—“ His words got stuck in his throat for a moment, and he took the chance to give it a final thought. It felt like whatever he said in this moment would finalize whatever sentiments he had for the matter, he worried that he wouldn’t be able to take back what he was about to say if he changed his mind in the future.

He would need to take a leap of faith, and he only had this second to decide if he was ready to jump.

“I think I’m okay with it. I think I’m fine not knowing how my father would react if I told him I’m… me. You know?”

Bob’s eyes studied Mikhail. Maybe he didn’t know what to say, maybe he didn’t believe him. Even Mikhail was unsure if he believed himself. “Yeah,” Bob responded cautiously.

It was only after Mikhail smiled that Bob’s lips curved into one of his own. This time, it was Mikhail’s turn to move closer to Bob, and he leaned his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“Ugh. I’m sorry I dragged you all the way here for nothing,” he said apologetically.

Bob nudged his shoulder playfully and chuckled. “It’s okay. I’ve never been to Russia, so it’s kind of cool.”

Mikhail sat up straight and turned to face Bob, shrugging his shoulders. “We still have the rest of the day before we have to go back, wanna check out the town with me?”

In response, Bob let out a grin and nodded.

The two walked around for a while. There wasn’t really a lot to check out, the town was as unremarkable as Mikhail remembered it. He wondered if that was why he was taken – a child from a place like this, no one would really pay mind. He was just some unimportant kid from an unimportant family.

And now he was an Avenger, and even then he still felt like his existence was inconsequential to whatever bigger narrative was out there. Some days he wondered if anything would be different if he wasn’t there at all, days when the darkness got louder.

But Mikhail realized that they seemed to happen less and less. Maybe he’d gotten busier with all this Avengers stuff, maybe he had less space to be listening to what the darkness had to say, or maybe he just preferred to pay attention to what was out there rather than stay in his gray prison. Laughing at Alexei’s movie choices, bantering with Yelena about the pettiest things, kicking John’s ass during training, all these insignificant things that for whatever reason felt so significant to Mikhail brought indescribable joys to his days. Even Ava who always wore a thin layer of hostility would give Mikhail some sense of fulfillment when they interacted. Heck, even Bucky with his whole brooding sad soldier thing going on would be able to pull Mikhail out of his darkness.

And then there was Bob, who taught Mikhail what the word ‘belong’ truly felt like. It used to be impossible to believe that he could care about someone this deeply, even more so to believe someone could care about him like this. Now, those things just were.

By nightfall, Mikhail and Bob were on a jet ride home, provided by Valentina. The pair sat next to each other as they shared snacks they bought from their small adventure earlier. Some of them Mikhail had never had before.

“I was thinking,” Bob started as he took a bite of a wafer biscuit, “I think I might ask Val to help me set up some classes or something.”

Mikhail looked at Bob curiously, wondering what prompted this idea.

“I never finished high school, and I dunno, I guess I was thinking that it’s something I could do. It’s dumb.”

Mikhail shook his head. “No, I think it could be great.”

Bob smiled at Mikhail’s encouragement.

Mikhail couldn’t tell what it was that compelled him in this moment, perhaps it was the melancholic nostalgia of being back in his hometown, maybe it was because the darkness was at its quietest in this moment, or maybe it was just that the words that came out of his mouth felt right. There were a lot of things he was uncertain of, the hats Valentina was forcing them to wear for example, but this… uncertainty wasn’t even an option.

“Love you.”

Despite his smile unwavering, Bob seemed like he was taken aback from Mikhail’s words. His brows raised ever so slightly as he responded. “Yeah…?”

“Yeah,” Mikhail said without hesitation.

Bob didn’t say anything back. Instead, he held Mikhail close and pressed his lips on Mikhail’s forehead. That was his way of saying it back, Mikhail figured.

When they got back, the whole team was waiting. Mikhail worried that he’d disappointed them when he told the (short) story of what happened, but nobody said anything, just nodded and moved on.

It was past midnight when Mikhail settled for the night. He stayed in Bob’s room this time, much like their first night here. Mikhail had never felt so thankful to have a place to belong, and for the people who made it his home.

Mikhail spent the night in comfortable slumber with the man he loved held close in his arms. He would never tire of wishing to be able to spend his forever like this.

Tomorrow was another day.