Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Story Summary:

The Geek - Life is good for Darla "The Geek" Cotton-Hound. Having grown up in the heart of the GUK, she is fully used to the chaotic, unpredictable yet organized mess that is her life. She has a living rock for a best friend, her parents are a crazy yet somehow effective pair of a dog and lagomorph, and she runs her own business in selling weapons and supplies across the multiverse. So what if she spends a lot of time alone in her lab, or has constant headaches from her growing psychic powers or has a habit of accidently creating new Toys of Power? She is completely fine and her family’s concern is completely misplaced. Wait, what's this about being sent to a psychic summer camp?

The Psychonaut - Razputin Aquato has just been promoted to junior agent and is on a winning streak: having stopped Agent Oleander from weaponizing the campers, saving the Head of the Psychonauts from a deranged dentist, and stopped the revival of the terrifying Maligula. He believes he’s ready for his next mission: Sasha and Milla believes he needs a break. The Junior Agents are volunteered to go to Whisper Rock Psychic Summer Camp to demonstrate what it’s like to be an agent to the campers. Raz is disappointed, but happy to see his old friends again. But there’s something fishy going on at the camp: the two new campers seem to be hiding something and psychics have been disappearing all over the globe. Maybe this mission won’t be too boring after all.

The Vampire - Count Duckula is the 17th in a long line of evil, blood thirsty Vampires. But all he wants in his immortal life is to be famous. That dream was partly fulfilled when the GUK introduced his talents to a wider audience. But alas, Igor hasn’t given up on his master learning to be evil and has been signing him up for various villain leagues, much to Duckula’s annoyance. But there’s something off about this one: the Witch running the show seems to have freakishly unnatural powers and many of the other Villains are acting strange. To make things worse, his frenemy/rival Danger Mouse has vanished off the face of the planet and no one seems to know where he’s gone. Just when Duckula is at the end of his wits, an advertisement for the Freelance Police flies into his castle. This may provide some answers.

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The following characters below will play main or major supporting roles in the upcoming story. Characters not listed here but have their fandoms listed will mostly be background characters or in minor supporting roles although this may change for some characters as the story progresses.

Character notes from observations and psychic foresight by Geek Cotton-Hound, as written in her journal:

Characters: Main

Darla “Geek” Cotton-Hound - "Snarky child genius with psychic powers" as said by many. I spend half my time reigning in my dads’ chaos and the other half building weapons of mass destruction.

Topaz Pandemik - My shy best friend who happens to be made out of living marble. Once lifted the neighbor's car with one hand to reach one of my lost hair ribbon. 

Rasputin “Raz” Aquato - Young psychic prodigy who has goals of becoming the best Psychonaut agent. Is not having the best day.

D’Artagnan “Dart” Lobo - Newest (and grumpiest) camper at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. Seemed to be suspect something the moment we met, thus making him the smartest person at this camp. And the most annoying.

Count Radish Duckula - Vegetarian vampire and the latest incarnation of the Duckula line. Tired of Igor signing him up for various villain leagues.

Side Characters: (Sam & Max)

Sam Wolfhound - The more “sane” and rational half of the Free Lance Police. Almost always pauses before asking a question.

Max Cottontail - The other more deranged and sociopathic half of the Free Lance Police. Is banned from driving the DeSoto until doomsday.

Kathy Marie - My favorite doll that I may or may not have accidentally turned into a living toy of power. Named after Katherine Johnson and Marie Curie, also makes fantastic coffee.

Steve “Lumpy” Bobophish - Unpaid intern Freelance Detective. Keeps track of the many lawsuits and tax notices.

Sybil Pandemik - Topaz’s mother and ex-wife of Abe. Became a successful businesswoman after creating a super adhesive that is used throughout the multiverse.

Abraham Lincoln - Animated marble statue of Abraham Lincoln and ex-husband of Sybil. Plays poker with Jimmy the Rat and is attempting to adjust to 21 Century parenting.

Flint Papers - Classic noir detective driven by revenge and booze. Taught me and Topaz in the art of interrogation (and how to not miss when shooting).

Bosco - Neighborhood paranoiac and weapons dealer. Is convinced the soda machine is possessed by pink elephants. 

Mama Bosco - The undead mother of Bosco possessing a cloned version of her body. Her company took off after the GUK and now owns most of Western Europe and Canada. 

Agent Superball - Secret Agent for the Government and former bodyguard for President Max. Was promoted to ambassador of (their) earth and works closely with Papierwaite.

Anton Papierwaite - The Curator of the Museum of Mostly-Natural History and former body host of Yog-Soggoth. Has recently come down with a strange disease.

Dr. Norrington AKA: Yog-Soggoth - An Elder God from the Dark Dimension. Tutors me in the powers of the Dark Dimension and the creation of the Toys of Power and teaches history on the side.

Satan - The Promoted Head of Management for Hell and ruler of the Underworld LLC. Max somehow convinced him to become my Godfather.

The C.O.P.S. - Comprised of Bob Bell, Buster Blaster, Curt 286, Chippy, and Carol. Disbanded after the GUK, with Carol and Chippy staying with the Freelance Police.

Grandpa Stinky - The owner and manager of Stinky’s Dinner. Still old, still grouchy, still stinky.

Sal Roach - Girl Stinky’s ex-boyfriend and recently resurrected from the dead. Now works for Mama Bosco as security and speaks zombie.

Jimmy the Rat - Finally moved out of Sam and Max’s building and started a successful wrestling ring. Plays poker with Abe and the Moleman on Tuesday’s.

Girl Stinky - Creation and “Granddaughter” of grandpa Stinky. Died when General Skun-ka’pe’s ship was destroyed.

General Skunkape - Former General of the most fearsome galactic army. Died when his ship was destroyed by Max self-destructing.

Side Characters: (Psychonauts)

Sasha Nein - Senior Psychonaut Agent and counselor at Little Whispering Psychic Summer Camp. Chose the wrong day to quit smoking.

Milla Vodello - Senior Psychonaut Agent and counselor at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. Has been trying to attempting to "connect" with me; is not going great.

Lili Zanotto - Camper at Whispering Rock and daughter of the Grand Head of the Psychonauts. Seems to sense something is off but can’t put a finger on it.

Dr. Caligosto Loboto - Mad dentist/scientist who used to work freelance before retiring after being “cured” by Rasputin. Dropped off the map after escaping Motherlobe.

Ford Cruller - One of the founders of the Psychonauts and former leader of the Psychic Seven. Currently recuperating from having his mind shattered but still has moments of insanity.

Hollis Forsythe - Second Head of the Psychonauts. Desperately needs a vacation.

Truman Zanotto - Grand Head of the Psychonauts and father to Lili Zanotto. Has his hands full with the mounting number of missing psychics. 

Coach Oleander - Former villain and instructor at Whisper Rock. Took over most of the teaching since Sasha locked himself in his lab.

Bob Zanotto-Fullbear - Member of the Psychic Seven and former alcoholic recluse. Now works as the grounds keeper for Whisper Rock Camp.

Helmut Zanotto-Fullbear - Member of the Psychic Seven and currently a disembodied brain. Now works as a therapist for the campers of Whisper Rock.

Dogen Boole - Camper at Whisper Rock Psychic Summer Camp with an unfortunate ability to detonate heads. Thought I was joking when I said the Zombie Apes were attacking. 

Chloe Barge - Camper at Whisper Rock Psychic Summer Camp and believes she comes from outer space. She’s one of the few campers worth hanging out with.

Norma Natividad - Junior Psychonaut Agent and volunteer at Whispering Rock. Should really learn to keep her nose out of situations that could come back to bite her.

Side Characters: (Count Duckula/Danger Mouse)

Igor - Butler of Castle Duckula and servant of the Duckula line for over 800 years. Trying to teach his master to be evil and is running out of ideas.

Nanny - The ditzy nanny and housekeeper for Count Duckula. Still can’t wrap her head around the concept of doors.

The Crow Brothers - A band of amature thieves comprised of four brothers: Ruffles, Burt, Junior, and Baggy. Now works part time for Duckula to repay their debt after getting caught trying to steal from him.

Dr. Von Goosewing - Mad scientist, genius inventor, and wannabe vampire hunter. Is convinced that Duckula has something to do with the strange lights in the sky.

Danger Mouse - Britain’s best super spy and one of the top agents in the Danger Agency, working directly under Colonel K. Has recently gone missing.  

Ernest Penfold - Danger Mouse’s best friend, assistant and sidekick. Has been looking for DM all over the globe and is running out of missing person posters.

Sir Colonel K - Head of the secret service and the Danger Agency. Lost his coffee cup under the giant mound of paperwork.

Prof. Professor Squakencluck - Head scientist of the Danger Agency. The GUK has allowed her to work closely with other genius scientists across the multiverse. I myself have worked with her on a few occasions. 

Jeopardy Mouse - America’s best super spy and one of the top agents in the Jeopardy Division (American parallel to Danger Agency). Investigating a new masked supervillain called The Shadow.

Baron Silas von Greenback - Danger Mouse’s most despicable villain who has tried (and failed) to take over the world. Recently received an invite for a new villain league.

Stiletto Mafiosa - Greenback’s right hand man and henchman. Lost the keys to the Frog’s Head Flyer sometime last Tuesday.

Villain Characters: The Emergence

The Witch - The apparent leader of the Emergence and seems to possess a strange and unnatural aura. Hates being called old or creaky.

The General - The General of the Zombie Apes and one of the few who can speak. High in strength while dropping into the negatives for intelligence. 

The Shadow - A mysterious and silent masked figure who acts as the Witch’s right hand. Currently charged with kidnapping, theft, and reckless driving.

The Puppet - A sentient, albeit damaged, wooden puppet. Is not happy about being stuck with the Witch and makes it everybody’s problem.

Chapter Text

Max & Sam’s World: 2016

9 months, 1 week, and 6 days since the world ended.

The city was quiet. 

Not the normal city quiet, where the streets are filled with angry shouts and honking cars and the sweet sound of rubber squealing on asphalt as one car cuts in front of another in crowded traffic. The kind of quiet created when the brain is bombarded with so much noise it adapts to think of it as “quiet” in order to preserve its sanity. 

No, that quiet died months ago. This was the eerie quiet that came from a complete absence of people. Cars were left where they had crashed onto the sidewalk, shops now sat vacant and unguarded, and the streets were empty except for a literal tumbleweed that somehow escaped the Midtown Cowboys set. 

It rolled down the sidewalk, only to be abruptly kicked out of the way by a hooded figure, sending it bouncing out into the road. This figure was short, with his face and upper body hidden by an oversized jacket and baseball cap. His large hands carried two, bulging paper bags that hung at his sides as he walked. The figure continued walking down the street before turning down a dark alley. 

Stepping over a large crack in the ground, he craned his neck to look up a nearby building. It was a typical brick apartment building: complete with finicky air-conditioning, poor plumbing, and a rickety fire escape. But it was still standing and didn’t threaten to cave in on him, which was all he needed.

The figure let out a sigh before lifting the bag handles to his mouth. He clenched down, securing the paper bags between his shark-like teeth. With surprising strength, the figure jumped clear six feet, grabbing onto the bottom rung of the fire escape and flipped backwards onto the landing. From there, he scaled the fire escape like a furry acrobat, until he reached a window on the third floor. It was propped open by a metal wrench, allowing him to push it fully open and slip inside. The window slammed down behind him.

The figure pulled down his hood and cap in one fluid movement revealing a strange creature. Two long rabbit ears that once stood erect now folded downward in the middle. The face and body was covered in off white fur that had grown tangled and unkempt. His beady black eyes - once shone with mania and violence - were now dull and carried a whole plane's worth of baggage. 

Safe to say Max had let himself go in the last few months.

He dumped the paper bags on the floor. One carried groceries consisting of soda, chips, candy, and a bottle of tap water with a fancy brand name. The other had wires, bolts, screw drivers and a dummy’s guide to quantum physics. A strange combination for sure. 

It was all stolen, but that went without question. Even if he did have cash on him, there was no one left to hold at gun point or ring him up on the till. No one but rats, but they were bigger thieves than he was.

Max snatched a bag of chips and ripped it open. He shoved a handful of extra-salty-lime-flavored crisps into his mouth before washing it down with a swig of caffeinated soda. It wasn’t like he was hungry, he had lost his appetite after the incident , but he needed the sugar rush to keep him going. 

Ever since the office got destroyed - along with most of the city - Max had been sheltering in this abandoned apartment building. It was dark, cramped, and a complete mess. Not that Max cared much. He couldn’t bring himself to care much about anything nowadays. The dinky apartment consisted of a small kitchenette, a sitting area that doubled as the bedroom with a pullout couch, a dirty bathroom separated by a door and the pièce de résistance: the time travel elevator.  

How it survived the Mariachis spacecraft self-destructing, Max had no idea. Nor did he care. All he cared about was getting the damn thing working again.

He dumped the now empty chip bag and soda can in the trash before picking up a 7/16 wrench. A year ago, Max wouldn’t have cared to know what sized the wrench was as he used it to smash skulls. Now, not only could he identify the size on sight, but he could solve complicated physics equations that would stump most brainiacs and had memorized three books on engineering science. 

It would be an understatement to say that his superego was ecstatic. The idea of Max - the hyperkinetic-rabbit-thing with a love of guns, violence, and greasy corndogs - sitting down and actually learning something practical like algebra was unthinkable. Impossible.

But so was the idea that your best friend/partner/boyfriend would turn into a giant-eldritch monster and go on a rampage that destroys most of the city and part of the east coast.

Max had always figured the whole monster-transformation thing would happen to him.

As he tinkered on the time elevator, Max felt his superego vibrate with pride and excitement.

“ Look at you! Studying quantum physics and engineering! Actually using a wrench correctly rather than a weapon of assault! Think of all you could have done if you had made use of these skills earlier in life! ” It rambled on and on. If the Superego had a physical form, Max would have strangled it.

“Shut. up.” He said through gritted teeth. He didn’t have a choice but to wrestle through his adhd and short attention span for weeks. No choice but to cram all those numbers and theories and calculations that made his throb. 

No choice, since he had no else to rely on. 

- - - - - - *

It all started about 9 months ago. It was a hot day in mid July. Max and Sam had been locked out of their apartment for “safety reasons” due to the giant crack that had opened up in the sidewalk. Max thought it was overkill, but even his position as president couldn’t stop them from becoming homeless. Now, they were stuck living out of their car until they found a hotel that would rent them a room. Something about having a history of damaging hotel property and not paying the bill put receptionists off giving them a key.  

Anyway, it was a hot day in July, and the two of them were enjoying some icepops to fend off the heat. Max was moving the last of the boxes when something down the alley caught his eye. Curiosity quickly getting the better of him, Max crossed over the fissure and approached a strange object. It was some kind of toy-goggle; dark blue with the words X-Ray painted in bold lettering on the front. He brought it up to his eyes and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. Disappointed, he shook it around violently and when nothing happened, he assumed it was broken.

“Hey, little buddy, watcha doing?” Max’s ears perked at the sound of Sam’s voice. He debated whether to just dump the defective toy there, but brought it with him anyway. 

Why did he do that? Why didn’t he just leave the damn thing? 

Sam was out by the car, on Bob Bell the phone chatting with the Commissioner about a drop in crime and goodwill being on the rise and boring stuff like that. 

“Hey Sam, look what I found.” He held up the weird X-Ray goggles, jumping up and down in an attempt to match his partner’s height. “It’s a broken piece of crap but who knows? Maybe it’s a collectible and we can fix it up and sell it on v-bay. Those basement-dwellers go crazy for this kinda stuff.” Max kept rambling on and on, as Sam just watched with a good natured grin. 

The big dog reached down and took the toy for a closer look. That’s when it all went wrong.

Lightning flashed. The sky went from clear and sunny to dark and cloudy in under a minute. The phone slipped from Sam’s shoulder as he levitated into the air, convulsing and vibrating with electricity. 

“ The brain is dying. ” he intoned, in a flat-mono-tone voice that was so unlike Sam, it set Max’s teeth on edge. Then it was over, Sam was back on the ground - albeit a bit dazed - completely fine except for the discovery of his own electromagnetic powers.

After the shock, Max was stoked. Just imagine all the new levels of chaos and crime-busting they could do now! Little did he know how much he would come to regret that day.

The following week was a blur of close calls, car chases - Max actually got to drive the DeSoto - and brain theft; concluding in one devastating explosion that left the city - and Max - in ruins.

- - - - - - *

It was getting dark out now. Max blinked up at the clock. When did that happen? Ever since Sam died, Max had been having trouble keeping track of time.

He put down the screw driver he was using. He had just finished redoing the wiring and securing the last panel. Now, all that was left was to turn it on.

His hands were unsteady as he plugged the cord. Months of sleepless nights were finally gonna pay off. Despite being the leader or object of multiple religions and cults, Max had never really been a religious person. But now he was praying to God - any god - that this would work.

He took a deep breath and pressed the button.

Nothing. The elevator just sat there like the dark and unmoving piece of it was junk. All of Max’s emotions bubbled up at once: desperation, grief, indignation, and anger. Lots of anger. Max slammed his foot against the side of the time elevator, barely registering the pain. His sight became blurry as tears started to stream down his face.

DING!

Max’s head shot up. The lights on the elevator flickered, once, twice, before becoming stable. The whole thing began to vibrate softly as the buttons slowly lit up. 

Max felt a huge grin split across his face as he dried away the tears. Out of his jacket pocket, he pulled a time card. The stamp was a little strange and the ink was a bit smeared, but he gripped it like a lifeline. Shaking slightly, Max ran the card through the card reader. The time elevator shook for a moment before the door slid open. 

He stood there, too sleep deprived and emotionally wrung out to move. Why was he hesitating? It wasn’t like there was anything holding him back. 

The newlyweds, Sybil and Abe Lincoln had evacuated with the rest of the city. Their new born baby had some health problems - something about his heart, Max wasn’t really paying attention - and they left to find a hospital that wasn’t destroyed.

 Jimmy Two-Teeth and the C.O.P.S. were buried alive under the rubble. Grandpa Stinky died of heartbreak after witnessing the remains of his precious dinner.

The Boscos and Flinter Paper got out of it fairly unscathed, but Max had lost contact with them four months ago. 

And Sam… 

Sam was dead. Shot through with a missile and then blew himself up to save everyone from Skunkape. Sam’s last moments flashed through Max’s mind, pulling him out of his stupor. The memory made him want to tear out his fur all over again; an urge he barely resisted. 

His Superego was quiet for the first time in what felt like ages.

Right. No more waiting. Max took in a deep breath and stepped inside. The door slid closed behind him and the elevator vanished in a flash of light.

No going back now.

*- - - - * - - - -*

Sam & Max’s world: 2015

DING!

The elevator door slid open. A cool breeze ruffled his fur as he stepped out. It smelled like smoke and sea salt. The old dock wood creaked under his weight. 

The dock was quiet, save for the gentle lapping sound of the water below. The destroyed statue of liberty could be seen off the coast, decapitated and armless.

Sam stood at the railing. He looked like a complete mess: his suit was ripped and smoking in some places and his white dress shirt, normally pristine, was unkempt and messy. His tie hung loose around his neck and his hat which was typically on his head now laid dejectedly on the dock railing. 

He looked like hell. But then, Max figured he didn’t look any better himself. 

The two stared at each. Neither moved.

Max blinked hard, finally coming back to himself. He flashed his trademark shark-toothed smile, attempting to channel the old him’s mischievous, unfazed energy.

“Oh, hi Sam.” Max barely got the words out of his mouth before he was lifted up off the ground and swept into the biggest bear hug he had ever experienced.

“Holy beer-battered Princes of Maine and Kings of New England in a glass bottom boat with a trip-hop DJ and the second runner up in the Miss Teen Oklahoma Pageant!” Sam exclaimed as he spun Max around, his strong arms warped around his smaller partner’s body. Max laughed like a giddy school girl, all the pressure in his chest dissipating. Man, he had missed Sam’s convoluted and nonsensical oaths.

When the big dog finally put him down, they were both gasping for air from laughing so hard.

“Max,” Sam wheezed, once he had gotten air back into lungs, “you’re r-really here.”

Max grinned back at him, eyes still wet from crying. “Yep.”

Sam’s smile slowly faded. His voice suddenly became quiet, but still shaky. “H-how are you here?” The question made Max shift uncomfortably. 

“Weelll that’s kinda a long story.” He walked some paces away, suddenly not wanting to look his friend in the eyes. “You see, we were on a case and you got turned into a giant eldritch monster with electromagnetic powers, so I kinda had to blow you up.”

He shuddered at the memory. “It was horrible .” He could feel his self control starting to break. Max didn’t know whether to let out a manic laugh or break down crying.

An awkward silence fell over them. Max heard the old wood creak as Sam moved towards him, but he kept his eyes on his feet. Wow, he really needed a bath, his white fur looked like it was dark grey. 

Max felt someone gently squeeze his arm. His head shot up, his gaze meeting Sam’s gentle brown eyes that reflected his own melancholy and grief.

 “Yeah, I know little buddy.” That was it. That was all he needed to say for Max to suddenly feel a hundred pounds lighter. Sam was always good at that.

The two stood there, a sort of peace settling over them. That was when the sky decided to blow up.