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There really was nothing like coming home. Even though her home had been forever changed. Had been that way for a while, and the last time she had been there things had been... Too difficult to stay. She'd stayed with her feelings a little more since then. It wasn't so bad to return to the place that had raised her, that had loved her. Even when that loss that had so permeated everything when she'd last been home was never quite going to dissipate. France was lovely, a beautiful place, a place for art. Not the place for Amy March… No, no, it was Amy Laurence now, had she still not gotten used to that? She’d dreamed of it well enough, engraved her new initials on every handkerchief she could, practiced signing her name just to see it, and yet… Wasn’t there still a part of her that would always be a March girl?
The same part of her that would live on forever with Beth, and with Jo and with Meg, but Jo and Meg and Amy, they would all move on and grow, let the other parts of themselves take up more space as they did. For Beth… Well, the best they could do now for Beth was to carry her with them. Beth had wanted the most to love her family, to care for them, to be there for them, and she had been. While Amy and Jo had… Had their differences, and she and Meg had been separated for a time by the years between them, Amy could easily say she had never felt anything but loved from Beth.
She really had been the best of them. Now they were the ones who all had to deal with going on, making their way in the world as it was. No staying behind in an idyllic childhood. They were all grown now.
Amy wondered what Beth would be if she had lived. If she’d never been so sickly, if she’d had that same opportunity for growth… Would she have ever married and become a wife? A mother? Or would she have stayed at home with their parents as she’d said she wanted to. Had that really been her truest desire, or had it been the best option available to her?
Amy knew a little bit about taking the best option available to her. She had pushed herself through it so much she hadn’t even realized until she had been married to Laurie a while, how much she would have dreaded the alternative. Living so far from her home, from her family, married to a man she did not love. She would have done it, of course, because she was the only one who could. It would have been the best thing for all of them. But, being able to have something so much better… There was a depth of gratitude within her that kept welling up past what she’d already felt.
Sometimes life could give out something from a fairy tale. For all it took away at other times. She couldn't say her life was perfect, but maybe it was as close as she could get. Given her circumstances... She had certainly found herself coming upon some good looking options.
She still grieved. Maybe she always would. But she lived too, she loved too.
“When will Jo be back from New York?”
“Her letter says she will be in by the end of the week.”
Jo. Marmee and Meg were still around, so close by, but somehow Amy knew she needed Jo here. At least for a while. In her letter, Jo had sounded happy enough to come and see her, to hear of her... New expectancy. Officially, Jo would be returning to help her prepare for the baby, and support her when she inevitably grew large and then… Well, had their baby. Hers and Laurie’s. Laurie’s baby. Theodore. Her Lord.
It was still strange to think they weren’t just playing at being Lord and Lady. They were no longer children, they were married and they had a child on the way. This was their home and this was their life. If she had thought she’d matured on her trip to Europe, which, she knew she had, this was something entirely different. Some part of her still felt like there should be a parent looking over their shoulder, making sure they did it right.
Soon enough they would be the parents. Had Marmee felt this way before she had Meg? Would this feeling lessen as she got older? More experienced?
Perhaps she should ask Meg. She must know. Meg was married, living on her own, raising her own children, and she had been for years now. Hopefully she would know if that feeling ever went away.
Maybe it was being with child that was making her feel that way.
Laurie looked at her and smiled, his eyes taking her in, lingering on her mid-section. She covered it with her hands folded in front of her. She wasn’t actually showing yet, so far as she could tell. Not through the dress in any case.
“Will the nursery be ready in time?”
Laurie cocked his head to the side, cute in that sort of way, a playful smile still on his lips. “In time for Jo? I’m not sure she’d want to stay in the nursery.”
Amy gave him a stern look, but had to purse her own lips to keep from smiling back. Ah, what was the use of being Lord and Lady if she had to be serious all the time? Her own parents had hardly been serious all the time, and it was not the serious moments that she remembered most fondly.
“You know what I meant.”
“Ah, yes. I think I’ll have to take you around to get your approval of everything, before we bring it in.”
“I don’t want anything that will make the baby sick.”
Perhaps she was a little anxious about that, it hadn’t been so long ago that Beth had died.
Laurie gave her a look. “I… Yes, duly noted.”
She knew he truly wanted to say something along the lines of ”I think it’s hard to tell what those things are at the outset.” Which would be perfectly reasonable, but do nothing to quell her own perfectly reasonable anxiety. It was fine he didn’t say it though. She caught his meaning well enough.
“I don’t want to give my approval to anything that isn’t approved by Meg and Marmee as well.” As long as she had them around, she shouldn’t feel bad about relying on their expertise.
“Of course.”
That was one good thing about Laurie too, aside from all the other good things about Laurie. He understood her love for her family, their love for her. Perhaps he had been jealous, when they had all been younger, of how close the March sisters were, but he had never been disrespectful. He had been accepted into their dynamic because he had been such a good fit. Still, he was making himself a good fit for their family.
“Had you thought of a name for the baby, My Lord?”
“I had thought you might want to decide on one, My Lady.”
“Actually, if it’s not too much trouble, I did have one name I wished to use. A name for… If the baby is a girl.”
“…Elizabeth?”
Amy smiled sadly, but, maybe not altogether sadly. “That’s the one.”
Laurie looked at her, understanding in his eyes. “That… I think that would be wonderful, Amy.”
Perhaps she should ask the others what they thought of it first. But, she was grown now, she had to make her own decisions. And if Laurie thought it sounded wonderful, then wasn’t that what mattered?