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Charlie should have seen it coming, the one weekend he wasn’t able to leave London and make it to Leeds for Nick’s rugby match, they lost. And not just a regular, ‘hey, Char we lost by a few points’ but from what Charlie had seen on the Leeds rugby website, it had been an embarrassing upset while playing at home. Nick texted him when the game was over, just two words, ‘we lost’ accompanied by a from the shoulders up shower selfie. While Charlie normally (very much) enjoyed Nick’s shower selfies, this one was sad. Water caused Nick’s hair to fall sadly across his boyfriend's face, and a red mark was starting to spread across his cheek just below his left eye.
[Char🐱]: hey sad boy
[Nick 🐶]: Not in the mood
right now Char, we’re
going out for drinks.
I’ll call you tonight
if it’s not too late.
Charlie read the message twice, concerned with how Nick was feeling, his fingers inching closer to the call button, when a second and third message appear on his screen.
[Nick 🐶]: We got our arses
handed to us and coach
really let me have it so I’m
just not in the mood to talk
right now
[Nick 🐶]: Love you baby
[Char🐱]: love you too
It’s a bit past one in the morning, and Charlie is finally wrapping up his part of the research paper that kept him in London for the weekend. Silently cursing his professor for adding a section to the project during class on Thursday and forcing Charlie to cancel his weekend trip to Leeds for Nick’s rugby match. Using Saturday to meet with his classmates and figure out the new requirements for the project, and then Sunday to complete his sections of it. Thankfully, wrapping things up before the 8am deadline Monday morning, leaving him time to sleep and grocery shop with the rest of his Sunday. Charlie expected a phone call, so when a text from Nick lit up his screen, he was curious to see what Nick had to say, but then his phone buzzed in his hand over and over again. Charlie laughed. Nick was drunk. And texts from drunk Nick™ were always a fun experience.
[Nick 🐶]: Charlie
[Nick 🐶]: Char
[Nick 🐶]: Little love of my life
[Nick 🐶]: Not that my love is little
[Nick 🐶]: I love you so fucking much
so big love of my life
[Nick 🐶]: But I found a twitter
account Char Char
[Nick 🐶]: And it speaks to me
[Char🐱]: well hello to you
too Nicholas, my little drunken
liability. lets see it then
[Nick 🐶]: It’s raccoons Chaaar,
silly little raccoons
[Char🐱]: oh nick, be straight
with me. tell me you aren’t
crying in the pub over
a cute raccoon page
[Nick 🐶]: But Charlie I can’t be straight
[Nick 🐶]: 
And that’s how it starts, how Charlie loses his once normal boyfriend of four years to a twitter meme page dedicated to posting silly and sometimes downright deranged pictures of raccoons. Nick had a habit of sprinkling them into their everyday text conversations, just when Charlie thought he was free of them, Nick would be back at it with another one. Charlie hated to admit it, but a majority of the time, they were funny, Nick somehow finding different memes to fit in with normal texting. He also never saw them coming. Nick would sometimes go weeks without sending him a picture of a raccoon, then he’d suddenly be spammed with raccoons.
[Nick 🐶]: Hey there
Charlie looks down at the message coming across his screen during class.
[Char🐱]: in class nicholas what
can i do for you?
[Nick 🐶]: Oh, nothing much,
just finished up a rugby promo thing
[Nick 🐶]: You know the one I told
you about where they were going to
film us while lifting and ask questions.
Was going to send you an outtake
shot, but if you’re busy
[Char🐱]: my professor is currently
droning on about latin verbs, i need
a picture of you all sweaty on my
phone in the next minute or i might die
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: i fucking hate you
[Nick 🐶]: whoops, sorry wrong picture
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: i better get an advance
copy of that interview if you know
what’s good for you
[Char🐱]: because, christ
sweetheart you look so
fucking good if we both
didn’t have class all day
tomorrow i’d be on a train
already. you better be ready
for a facetime tonight
[Nick 🐶]: What can I say 
[Nick 🐶]: facetime ❤️🥰
or facetime🔥🥵
[Char🐱]: neither, i’m breaking
up with you
Charlie thinks that it’s over, giggling to himself and trying to focus on his lecture and not the idea of there being a video out there somewhere of his boyfriend answering questions about the Leeds rugby team while lifting weights. He was hoping for more previews when his phone vibrated in his lap again.
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: 🔥🥵
[Nick 🐶]: luv u
[Char🐱]: ew you never
text like that
[Nick 🐶]: Sorry bit busy doing
things you like
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: love you
too, you giant loser
The weeks pass, and the raccoon pictures come and go. Charlie gets a break from them when Nick is in London visiting on a long weekend. Somehow, they managed to find a time when Nick was free on Friday and Charlie’s Monday was canceled due to a sick professor. Nick arrived Friday morning and left in time to make it to his 2pm Monday class, giving them almost four uninterrupted days with each other. They spent their days held up in Charlie’s room, coming out to make polite conversation with his flatmates and going out at night with his friends from the different social clubs he’d joined. Dancing so close together while Charlie’s friends joked that it was borderline public indecency.
“Charlie.” Nick groans, holding his hand against his head, blocking out the light coming through the living room window.
“Over here.” Charlie’s voice is soft. Nick looks to his left, finding his boyfriend curled up in an armchair holding a steaming glass of tea. “Yours is on the table.”
“Thanks.” Nick sits up, eyes watering and stomach rolling with last night's drink.
“Drink a bit much?” Charlie jokes, his tone light and playful. “Old age catching up with you?”
Nick sips his tea, letting the comforting warmth spread through him, knowing that Charlie made it just by the taste. “Never let me do shots again. Beer, I can handle, but all the liquor. God no. Never again.”
“Mmm, but I love drunk Nick. He’s quite funny and very, very nice to me in club bathrooms.”
“Please tell me we didn’t get kicked out.” Charlie shakes his head. “Why are we in the living room and not your bedroom?”
“You passed out on the couch when we got home. I tried to wake you up, but you told me no and rolled over. So I went to bed and left your sorry arse here.”
“And why is my arse sorry?”
“You called me bro,” Charlie says, with narrow eyes. “Multiple times, I might add, once in the Uber, so the driver told me how nice it was making sure I got my mate home. But then you proceed to try and kiss me in the Uber. The driver got a pretty good laugh at two great pals making heart eyes at each other. So I figured I could let my bro sleep on the couch.”
“You’re so mean to me.” Charlie shrugs, sipping his tea but smiling at Nick.
It isn’t until the next day, when Nick is on his way back to Leeds, that he finds the perfect response to Charlie’s reaction to Nick slipping up while drunk and falling into the ladish part of his brain.
[Nick 🐶]: Hi
[Char🐱]: hi
[Char🐱]: did you
forget something?
[Nick 🐶]: Nope, just wanted
to tell you something
you told me you loved me an embarrassing amount of times on the platform, and don’t think i didn’t see that lady roll her eyes at you complaining about leaving, so save the mush for next time nelson. i need a nap
[Nick 🐶]: Okay, crabby pants
Charlie’s prickly attitude did little to deter Nick’s fun, he knew hangovers sometimes hit Charlie later in the day. He’d push through in the morning and pretend he was fine, so Nick knew that the night out drinking paired with having to put his boyfriend on a train was the perfect pairing for a sour mood Charlie.
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Nick 🐶]: Charlie?
[Nick 🐶]: Hello?
[Nick 🐶]: Say it back now please
[Nick 🐶]: I know you didn’t fall
asleep that quickly, I’m going
to need you to say it back so
I know you aren’t really
cross with me
[Nick 🐶]: I mean, I know you aren’t
cross with me cause that would be
silly of you, and we’re past those
silly things.
[Nick 🐶]: Charlie, light of my life.
My little Char, am I going to
have to tell you about my long
and boring train ride until
you pay attention to me?
[Nick 🐶]: Fine
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: for the love of god i
was going to the bathroom and
left my phone on my bed
[Char🐱]: you are insane and i
don’t know why i love you
[Nick 🐶]: But you do love
me, right?
[Char🐱]: yes nicholas, despite
my better judgment i love you
[Char🐱]: bro
After what Charlie jokingly and Nick affectionately began referring to as the ‘bro incident,’ Nick’s raccoon memes became a bit predictable. While he still would add them randomly into their everyday conversations, but no matter what Charlie was doing or where he was, if Nick was drunk, he knew the raccoons would soon be joining their conversation. Whether Charlie was out with his friends, in his room studying, or like today, when he was sitting on the train on his way home to celebrate Oliver's birthday.
[Nick 🐶]: So I may have made a mistake
[Char🐱]: oh no, what did you do?
[Nick 🐶]: Well it’s 11:32 in the
morning, I am drunk and I’ve knocked
over a tray of drinks with my ass
[Char🐱]: pray tell, why are you
drunk so early and what did your
ass have to do with the drinks
[Nick 🐶]: Amber and Rachel,
ya know for queer soc asked
me to go to brunch well it turned
out to be drag brunch and you
know how I get at drag brunch
[Nick 🐶]: us, I’m the cute one
with the green bottle,
Rachel is the other raccoon
and Amber is the opossum
because she’s the most drunk
[Nick 🐶]: And well, as for the drinks
[Char🐱]: god nick you and
these fucking raccoons, i can’t
any more, they are so dumb
[Char🐱]: why me? why am i
the one stuck with a dumb ass
boyfriend who’s obsessed with
dirty street animals
[Char🐱]: you’re so lucky you
have a think ass
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: i swear nick send
me one more raccoon meme
[Nick 🐶]: This is you,
what are you going
to do about it
[Char🐱]: i’m going to start posting
your drunk raccoon ramblings on my
insta story so people can see the real
you then maybe you’ll calm down
[Nick 🐶]: Are you saying you
don’t love me and my raccoons
[Char🐱]: no just your raccoons
[Nick 🐶]: It’s me and the
raccoons not me or the
raccoons Chalres
[Char🐱]: jesus nick go drink
some water and come back when
you’re raccoonless
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Char🐱]: goodbye nicholas
[Nick 🐶]: What if I got on a
train, I could be in Kent
[Nick 🐶]: Come celebrate
Olly’s birthday
[Nick 🐶]: God I miss that kid,
Char tell me not to get on a train
[Nick 🐶]: Char
[Nick 🐶]: Hello?
[Nick 🐶]: Fuck it buying tickets
and chugging water
[Char🐱]: i love you and your raccoons
[Nick 🐶]: I’m coming
A few months pass, and Charlie thinks that he might finally be free of the raccoon memes, hoping that his boyfriend's passing interest has moved on to something else. Something that (maybe thankfully) Charlie hadn’t been introduced to yet. He was halfway through writing the first draft of a paper that was worth over half his grade when his phone buzzed, and Charlie knew it was either Nick or Tori since he had turned on his do not disturb. He glances up to see Nick's name briefly across the screen before it goes dark again.
[Nick 🐶]: 
[Nick 🐶]: Hi, just your overly anxious
boyfriend here. Are you free to talk?
[Char🐱]: sorry, love in the zone
writing a paper. is it nick needs
me to reassure him that everything
is fine because you messed up on a
quiz or something or are you actually
having a crisis?
[Nick 🐶]: I hate how well you know me
[Nick 🐶]: I’m going to spam
your phone. You reply when you
can, my little studious cutie
[Nick 🐶]: Okay, that was cringe even
for me to type, s word and all that
[Nick 🐶]: So we did have a quiz,
and I didn’t know about it because
I missed the announcement because of a
rugby match. My professor knew I was
missing the class she announced it in because
of the game, since that was all worked out by
my coach since it was a weird time makeup
match and she said she’d send me and
two of the other lads in the class anything
important but conveniently forgot to
mention the quiz. And she’s one of those sports
aren’t your future kinda teachers but well they are
kinda my future and you know we only had a make
up match cause the scout was there (that went well
btw we can talk about that more when you’re
actually free) but I failed the quiz and you know
how I get when I fail things.
[Nick 🐶]: Basically 
Charlie sighs, picking up his phone and hitting the call button. “Hello, my little idiot cutie.” He says as soon as Nick picks up the phone.
“If you called to make fun of me, I’m going to hang up.”
“I called to tell you that you aren’t dumb, one quiz doesn’t matter, you’re going to do great at sports, and I’m going to be very happy watching you professionally run around in rugby shorts in a little over a year's time.”
“Thanks Char.”
“Now go take a nap or something you numpty.” Nick makes a noise Charlie could only call somewhere between a groan and a sigh before the line goes silent. A few minutes tick by before his phone vibrates again.
[Nick 🐶]: 
Charlie gives his own groan/sigh and pulls up the train schedule, thankful to see one is leaving from the station closest to him for Leeds in thirty minutes. He throws a few things in a bag and jogs to the station, catching the train just in time. Almost three hours later, Nick assumes that Charlie must still be working on his paper since he hadn’t heard from him, so when a text comes through as Nick is starting to make dinner, he’s surprised.
[Char🐱]: 
[Char🐱]: come open your door
“Are you just here for my tits?” Nick says, grinning when he opens the door, and as if on cue, Charlie buries his face in Nick’s chest.
“That and the hopes that in person I won't be subjected to a mountain of raccoon memes.”