Chapter Text
This is not an original work. Any similarities between any other media are purely intentional. Also, most of it is stolen from bnha universe, and it's plot.
Inspired by works of adult swim, Spaceballs, and any work you can find on AO3 (aside of the ones written by clouds specifically)
I would also love to thank my family, friends and girlfriend for not supporting me while I was writting this.
I would also love to thank people from Mirrond's discord server for making the PLOT. And Mirrond from not banning us from there or erasing our conversation.
Also, the goal of this work is to give you brain aneurysm, entertain you, or all three at once.
The beginning:
“We can't know what's your son quirk is, but he surely had one as you can see from this scan, he only has one toe joint.”
“So I can still be helo like All Light?”
Doctor looks at him confused, but Onki, Suzuki's mother quickly explained: “He can't say r, he means All Right.”
“Ah, truly, All Light is an ancient hero, All Right makes much more sense.”
Year later.
“It seems your son is simply unable to say r, and our test confirmed that that is in fact his quirk.”
“But I can still be a helo like All Light?”
“Surely.”
Another year later.
“Hello, I am Suzuki Middledoliya, and I want to be a helo like All Light.”
Obviously, because of this introduction, Suzuki would be hated for years by his classmates and grow up a good, but isolated child.
Later
“Stupid Deku, how can you be a hero, when you can't even say R.” Screamed Banjo Kazoe, while explosions ring out from his head.
The rest of the playground was terrified by his unpredictable quirk, and kept their distance.
Long time latel (like x years)
Young Suzuki was walking sadly another route to his house, as his friend Banjo Kazoe bullied him again today, and even extra. Truly, his bullying got worse whenever he mentioned his dream, but it wasn't his fault he couldn't say R.
But suddenly, an platypus attacked him. It was blueish color, and looked like if you cut animal from animated media, bring him to life, and let physics work out how it looks. At first he wasn't sure who it was, but then it took out a hat, and Suzuki naturally screamed “Pelly the platypus?” Perry the Platypus was a dangerous villain responsible for hundreds of deaths, but he always evaded capture, no matter how many heroes he fought. He was also perfect at ambushes, appearing next to people unpredictably, and disappearing the same way.
After that, Suzuki almost died, but luckily, at last moment All Right appeared. He was a sickly looking skinny man, but every single one of his punches could change weather. He was also Number 1 126 780 in worldwide hero rankings, as the best heroes had very high numbers, and the worse had lower numbers. Any heroes who got to 1 126 thousands were well known in the world, and number of heroes was actually limited to 1 126 781, as that's a pretty even number.
The single hero better than All Right was called All Light, the first hero, now long dead. She was also the first quirked human. They left her the title mostly out of respect, as she died two months after the starts of her career, ran over by pack of man eating capybaras.
With a single punch, he threw Perry the Platypus away, and with thin voice screamed: “Surrender villain, because you shall not harm anymore citizens, as I am here, and everything shall be ALL RIGHT.”
Finally dust cleared, and Suzuki and All Right looked, and there was only a platypus. It quickly left the scene, and All Right had wanted to leave to, but at last moment Suzuki grabbed hold of his pants, and flew away with him.
Seconds later, they landed at roof of a building, and All Right asked Suzuki. “What did you want?”
And so Suzuki spoke “You see, I want to be a helo, but I can't say l, so no one believes me.”
All Right remember his own tragic backstory, and thought about how to help Suzuki, but suddenly he realized he reached his limit and inflated.
“Hey, who ale you and what did you do to All Light?”
“Ah you see my boy, I was terribly injured quite five years ago, and since then, most of the time my muscles take in excess amount of air and i stay inflated like this.” Spoke the giant of a man in low voice.
“Was it the…” Suzuki is trembling from fear of the name “Skibidi toilet.”
All Right too twitches at the name, and remembers the horrifying villain. “No, not that one, although he was truly terrible.”
All Right thinks for a bit more, but finally comes to a decision.
“You see, your backstory resonates with me, and so I shall give you this quirk I got from random drunk at the street last week.”
“What?”
“Apparently, it holds immense power to fight an ancient enemy, but by the time the drunk gave it to me I have already defeated the ancient enemy so it's useless to me.”
“So, will you… what's your name?”
“Suzuki Middledoliya.”
“Suzuki Middledoliya…”
“Middledolllliya.”
“Ah, Suzuki Middledoriya, will you accept the Mine for them as the…” All Right takes out a rugged piece of paper and counts something on his fingers. “1234 holder?”
“Yes.”
“Well then. EAT THIS” All Right gives him a hair.
Suzuki, now truly confused, eats the hair.
Suddenly, he hears a girls voice inside his head “Hello, Suzuki, you are the 1234 holder of my quirk which means you get the full deal. You have access to every quirk any user of Mine for them ever had, although I have no clue how it works.”
‘Who are you?’ Suzuki thinks.
“I am Lilith Shigiraki.”
‘Lilith is a city council member?’
“No, it's my name.”
‘Oh.’
“And listen here, this is very important. I had a sister who can take and give quirks, and you need to kill her.”
‘I can't kill people!’
“Did you think the quirk was for free?”
Rather than continuing the discussion, Suzuki speaks to All Right:
“Thank you so much, All Right, the quirk will surely be amazing. Wait, I can say R. I can be a hero now!”
“I am sure of it.” All Right laughs.”See you at UA.”
And so the first chapter of Middledoriya’s life was completed. He now can say R, and he will be a hero, even if he has a girl in his head that tries to convince him to murder people.
‘I am not trying to convince you to kill people, I just want you to kill my sister. Also, do you know that normal people don't monologue about their life in their own head?’
‘Go away!’
‘Nah, this place is pretty cool.’
‘I will just give you away.’
‘Nah, it won't work, we entered the singularity now.’
‘what?’
‘It would be too much world-building to explain anything. Go read All that's left or something.’
‘What?’
‘Shut up, I am breaking the fourth wall here.’
‘What?!’
‘Well, let's continue our discussion. My sister is extremely evil. Very very evil. You can't trust anything she says. Her first villainous steps were to break my castle from pillows, just at the age of five. Truly despicable human.’
‘Aren’t you just saying what normal kids do?’
‘Shut up.’
‘Okay.’
‘So first we need to get you trained. You can go to some beach with a lot of trash, and bring it to Waste collection center or what's it called in the future and start working towards the second goal of getting rich.
And so when you are rich and ripped, and a famous hero, you can seduce my sister and then leave her, so she will be depressed, and you will have an perfect opportunity to kill her, because next time she sees you she will be so happy she won't await such ambush.’
‘I have a feeling that someone else is a villain in your family.’
‘She did much worse things to me!’
‘Like?’
‘Once she ate all the cookies, and didn't give me a single one.’
‘...’
‘Another time, she took my stuffed bear and never gave it back.’
‘...’
‘The least evil thing she ever did to me was when she killed all my friends and burn down my home.’
‘That is actually evil.’
‘In Sims.’
Izuku facepalms.
And so Izuku picked up trash from the Dagobah beach. It took a long time, but the beach was clean by the time of UA exam. Contrary to belief of Lilith, he didn't get rich by collecting trash. He also learned that her sister was infact an evil crime lord, but that was secondary compared to other grudges she had.
But finally, the time for UA exam came. Izuku was hopeful, as he now could say R, and also trained a lot.
The UA was a beautiful building made entirely from white quartz. It was like that, because a hero Quartz, who could grow quartz out of nothing, was working at the UA and built the school.
And so he was going on the quartz pavement just in front of the school when he tripped. While he was falling, he felt someone touch him, and immediately he hit the ground hard.
Standing up, he saw an unfamiliar brown haired girl with apologetic look in her face.
“I am so sorry, I forgot I had a gravity magnifying quirk, I thought that you would float or something.”
‘I blame the author.’
“It’s alright. Best of luck at the exam!” year ago, Suzuki would have problems with talking with a girl, but Lilith has made him get used to it.
‘Haha, that's surely the first love interest. Our army shall soon grow.’
‘For the last time, I am 100% sure my life isn't a harem manga.’
‘But it could be.’
And so the exam started. Written test would be easy, if Lilith wasn't telling him answers. As they were all wrong.
Finally, he had an opportunity to fight robots.
‘Go ahead, punch it.’
‘I would break my arm.’
‘Believe in the Force, young padawan.’
And so Suzuki punched the robot. And it broke actually.
‘These are terribly made, you were supposed to break your arm.’
Izuku ignored the comment, instead punching the next robot, breaking it too, and continuing on the way.
The examination room
“This is ridiculous, how is that boy breaking my robots with his bare hands?” Asked Power-Hoarder.
“He is strong like me.” Answered Gigachad, hero name Gigachad, quirk Gigachad, body build Gigachad. “And also as attractive.”
Rest of the room ignored the conversation in favor of watching other children.
Back with Izuku sorry, Suzuki
So Suzuki now had a ton of points.
But then he saw something terrible happening. A giant robot appeared, and the gravity girl was stuck in it's path.
So he did the natural thing, and ran screaming at the robot.
‘USE MY POWER’ screamed Lilith helpfully.
Suzuki remembered what happened last time he did that.
“Listen here lady, you will give me all the money.” said a mugger with knife in hand.
“Everything will be all right, because I am here.” Screamed Suzuki.
‘Use my power, that will help.’
“Smash” he screamed as he jumped at the mugger.
He hit him, and strange feeling coursed to him.
The large man remained unmoved, now laughing.
“Stupid kid, you…” suddenly he stopped speaking and started screaming. Buzzing sounded all around as hundreds of insect burst from his skin, just to burst to dust second later.
Finally the body dropped to ground. The mugger was dead.
“Can we not talk about this?”
The mugged girl run away screaming.
‘See, we won.’
Back at exam
Suzuki was suddenly lifted by the robot's arm, and shocked he once again tried to use Mine for them.
The robot started morphing, his frame collapsing, until finally it colored yellow and turned into massive bath duck.
Back at examining room
The principal, know as Notzu, cackled like a crow, because he was a crow. But he was cackling at what the student just did to the zero pointer.
Power Hoarder meanwhile cried, because he was depressed at the death of his robot.
All Right remembered his successor, and saw that he was even more amazing than he thought.
“That is amazing quirk.” Said the Nonosquare, a hero with ability to erase quirks in kvadratical patterns. “But how what the hell is it?”
“It's an ancient power to defeat ancient Evil I got from a drunk, and after I found out I already accidentally defeated the ancient Evil, I gave it to Middledoriya.”
Everyone stopped and thought about these vise words from the old hero.
Back with Suzuki
Sadly, by now gravity got out of its shock at the horrible things Suzuki just did to laws of physics, and pulled him down.
Luckily, Suzuki landed safely on the duck, even though he had to be rescued from it's top.
‘I announce succes. One step closer to killing my sister.’
And with a smile on his face, Izuku left the school and went away.