Chapter Text
The overwhelming noise of snickering and laughing in classroom is so loud. The lackeys of kacchan’s are probably the loudest. Too bad Izuku can’t really hear them anyways, he can just tell that they are from the way they look at Izuku with pity, and disgust. The familiar smell of that sweet Carmel with a slight spice and smoke, Burning flesh, makes him want to gag. the scolding hot hand on his shoulder always seems to scare him. Even when Izuku has felt this and so much more. He looks up to stare at kacchan’s
his abusers
face. A scowl across his features.
a dangerous smirk spreads across his features, “If you know what’s best, you’d better stay out of my way. Quirkless Deku, How do you think you’ll get in without a quirk?” He snarls loud enough for Izuku to hear. He looks right into those murderous red eyes. He gives Izuku one last shove and stomping on the hand that was on the ground before turning around and walking to the doorway.
Stopping abruptly he turns his head with an unnaturally large smile. “You know if you want a quirk so bad.. how about you take a sea dive off the roof of the building! And pray for a quirk in your next life. ” He growled with howling laughter as he and his lackeys walked outside of the classroom. Izuku just stood there staring at the place where they last were, with furrowed eyebrows. He only caught the last sentence. No matter if his face is nonchalant about it. Inside is the turmoil of betrayal.
Tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Slamming his eyes shut refusing to let the tears fall. Keeping his tears at bay he walked out the classroom checking both sides of the hallway to check if it’s empty, before going on his way.
standing in front of the small koi pond wearing his backpack, his notebook was in the pond. Watching the fish ebb away at it, deciding they shouldn’t eat the notebook he leaned down and snatched it out of the pond.
He gave it a good shake to rid some of the water. “Stupid fish.. you can’t eat that” he said turning away and chucking it in the nearest trash can. He already knows what’s in that analysis book and he can always rewrite them. With a long sigh he walked away to the route home, switching between awareness and his own mind. And thinking back to the sentence he heard
‘how about you take a swan dive off the roof of the building! And pray for a quirk in your next life.’
Words repeating over and over again in his mind. He can’t help but think he truly doesn’t understand the meaning of his words. Kacchan was supposed to grow up and be a hero. And those words implied that he Wants Izuku to die, to become another statistic of those who lost their life to suicide. “Idiot if I did jump off the roof you’d be the most suspected person.” Izuku grumbles.
His legs were carrying him down familiar streets on autopilot. the familiar bridge steadily growing bigger. The world almost looks like it’s monochrome. Black and whites with all kinds of grey. Maybe that was better for now. He could probably unpack all of what had just gone down in the safety of his room.
He closes his eyes taking a deep breath,
Then he is drowning.
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Izuku tries to cringe away from it but the touch was everywhere. All around him holding him steady. The slime entering his mouth and nose leaving no room to breathe. A few meters away, he could make out an open gateway to the sewers. The sludge was talking, Izuku couldn’t hear anything less then mumbled gibberish.
He was talking and forcing himself down Izuku's throat, and into his lungs. Gross. Was this how he was going to die? Izuku cried pitifully. He knew he was. His vision was starting to turn black and a headache was starting to press on against the inside of his head, pounding in rhythm with his heart, just like his shoulder did.
He was trying to scream, do anything.
But he couldn’t, and then it was black
.
.
.
His entire body was hurting. His forehead was thumping and his shoulder was stinging. Everything was coming back to him. A small slap to his cheek making him more aware. His eyes flew open, immediately coming off blurry, he groans as he is sitting up.
“ Thought I lost you there, my boy!”
A cheery voice. It sounded happy. And booming right above him, easy to understand. Izuku blinked a few times. Once..then twice. He turned his head to look at the cheery voice seeing all might? “ Yes it’s me, all might!” The hero all but yells while chuckling. Oh how he wishes the ground would just swallow him up. ‘ I must have been mumbling..’
Roughly three meters away, his notebook laid undisturbed. With too quick movements, he scrambled to the now dry paper. He already signed it!
“Now my boy, I must be on my way!!”
All Might was ready to jump, Izuku could see that. The way his knees bend and the muscles in his legs flexed. And before he knew it he lunged forward holding onto his leg.
And then he blinked.
then he was in the air.
The wind, previously playing with Izuku's hair softly, like a mother caressing her young child, was now assaulting. He could feel it slamming against his face with previously unknown forces. Izuku did everything in his might to cling onto the pro hero's leg. If his grip loosened now-
“Young man, let go of my leg!!” All Might. Booming voice. Loud, louder than the wind.
“If I do I’ll fall to my death!!”
Curiously enough, that thought didn't scare him. At least not as much as it should. It almost felt like he was flying. It felt nice and peaceful. Besides the part if he lets go and he would fall to his death in front of all might. THE number one hero!! How cool is that.
Izuku pressed his eyes and mouth shut to protect them from the wind. No. He refused to become another statistic. He wasn't broken. He was useful. He was going to become a pro hero and safe lives. He just needed a “Yes”, nothing more. Just one approval, a single one to tell him he could achieve his dreams. All Might always said anyone could be a hero. He just needed to say it to Izuku's face. Just this once.
They landed on the rooftop. It was rough and Izuku was laying on the ground again. This time he was quick to get back up. Before the hero could say anything, Izuku was yelling. He didn't mean to yell, really, but the emotions were getting the better of him. It all has been building up the whole day, week, decade. The past ten years have taken its toll and the child is holding himself together with everything he had.
“Can someone like me become a hero? Even without a quirk.”
But when he looked up, tears streaming down his face once again like they did so often, All Might was gone. In his place stood a sickly looking, skeletal man. His eyes were sunken in, two long streaks of hair framing his face. The clothes were way too big for his figure.
But the man talked. It was hard to understand. Izuku stepped closer to understand better, watching the strangers lips move. He talked about things that passed through Izukus head in brief moments, too fast, too short, too slippery to grasp. To comprehend. The hero lifted his too big shirt and showed him a terrible, ugly wound, scarring the hero forever. From what Izuku gathered, he talked about Quirks and power and sucking in his gut at the pool.
The feeling of dread starts making the hairs on his nape stand up. All might had a look on his face that made Izuku regret even asking.
“So to answer your question, no I don’t think You can. You’ll just be a liability, be a little realistic. Maybe try being a doctor or a police officer. You don’t have to be a hero to help people,”
And then all night was gone behind the door downstairs.
And Izuku was left all alone, on the roof of the building.
Izuku just stood there for a while, staring. For once, maybe the first time in his life, there were no thoughts running through his head. He didn't believe a quirkless Deku like him could become a hero. He was too weak. Too worthless. He couldn't be a hero. He couldn't save people. He was useless. He was Broken. But he wanted to think that maybe, just maybe all might would have something different to say.
Be realistic.
So he really was just another statistic, huh?
He inched nearer, his lower body against the railing, leaning forward slowly. His gaze shifted downward to tiny dots—cars driving, people walking—moving ahead with time. He would soar freely, disconnected from reality.
Take a swan dive off the roof of a building!
Izuku recoiled, staggering from the railing, his body trembling like a leaf. His heart pounded, the fear of it bursting from his chest palpable. Tears welled up, sobs escaping, as he leaned against the door, feeling the pain in his shoulder but barely registering it. Was he truly contemplating jumping? No, it felt too selfish, an easy escape. Someone would miss him, wouldn't they? The thoughts swirled, relentless.
The boy quickly shook his head. He couldn't cry, not yet, not here. He took a deep, steadying breath. Just to make sure, he rubbed his eyes with his uniforms sleeve. No tears, no weakness.
Hurriedly departing from the rooftop, Izuku gripped his backpack straps while descending the stairs of the towering building. Aware of the fatal drop without a suitable Quirk, he hastened to a hallway lined with numbered doors, spotting an exit behind the stairs.he pushed the exit door open, dashing down the stairs to the building. his hand gripping the straps of his backpack tightly.
Upon reaching his neighborhood, Izuku finally eased his pace, halting in front of his apartment building. Leaning against the wall, drained. Endurance was not his strong suit. How could he aspire to be a hero if running left him breathless? It felt like a futile endeavor.
The adrenaline was fading out of his system and the exhaustion of the day was kicking in. His right hand was now pulsing in rhythm with his left shoulder and he could see how irritated his skin was. Lucky for him did he learn how to work with the pain early on. He walked up the stairs to his apartment.
Quickly, the child slipped through the open crack of the apartment door and clicked the lock shut. Briefly, he wondered if he should try reaching the bathroom to tend his wounds but quickly shook that thought out of his head. No need to risk making his mom even more upset. As he entered, the acrid scent of alcohol assaulted his senses, causing his stomach to churn. His mother must have had a tough day at the hospital. In moments like these, it was best to remain unseen, hoping for a better day for her next shift.
He swiftly left for his room, softly closing the door behind him before letting go out a breathe he didn’t even know he was holding. He winced softly as he changed out of his tattered middle school uniform, feeling sharp pangs in his hand and shoulder with every wrong move. It took longer than he liked, but he eventually donned loose sweatpants, opting to remain shirtless to avoid aggravating his aching shoulder. Izuku had decided early on that if he couldn't properly care for his wounds, he would rather not see the irritated skin on his shoulder or hand.
Without needing to search, Izuku seized his sewing kit, assembled over the years, and set it on his desk. He then placed his uniform beside it. Stitching the holes without much help from his right hand posed a challenge, but Izuku was up for it, with All Might's mocking grin watching from every corner of his room.
But it could have been worse. He could have faced death multiple times today, for instance. But would that have been truly worse? He would have experienced less pain, then.
The pain would stop.
The pain will stop eventually. He managed to get through it for this long, he can survive a couple more months. Or years.
Nobody would miss him.
Be realistic
He's not going to be just another statistic!
He already was.
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Even after taking out his contacts and a hour long shower, and maybe more of scrubbing his skin into an angry red, he could still feel the slime all around his body. Constantly moving with a fowl smell of trash. Izuku knew that he isn’t dirty in the least bit. But he could Feel the sludge still around him.
And so he listened to the most logical part of his brain and stopped, moved onto his hair. Because washing his hair could bring him some peace of mind, feeling his curls around his hand, all the way to his finger tips.
To say that it helped feeling a different texture was relaxing is an understatement. Izuku made sure to use the right hair products, so his hair was curly and not fuzzy in the least. Sure they were still drug store hair products but cmon. Not everyone got the money for that. Soon enough he got out of the shower, putting on his clothes was easy, so was brushing his teeth. But his hair was a different problem. So instead of just leaving it alone, he decided to just sit there and Brush EVERY CURL THERE WAS. And that took maybe a hour in its self.
And maybe he gave up halfway. But who’s judging, wild curls are a must for Izuku. Well.. not a must but it’s something he ain’t getting rid of. With a sigh izuku trudged back to his room. And looking around his room now kind of gave him goosebumps. ‘ Fucking creepy as hell. Maybe I should just sell all of this..” izuku mused as he looked at his most expensive hero merch. It wasn’t admittedly much his past fanboy self would’ve liked.
But he also only got this much before Inko became two different people. Mom and mother, and while there shouldn’t be no difference. There was a noticeable one that he sure as hell could see. With a resigned sigh (how many times has he sighed today??) he got to work on taking down his hero Merch scattered around his room, making sure they were clean and in good condition before placing them back in tubes or boxes.
He heard the door slam, his mother must’ve left her room. Double shifts? Probably, with a shrug he packed the last few things and shoved the boxes under his bed. Dusting off his clothes he looked around his room. It certainly seemed a lot more empty. He couldn’t believe he really loved hero’s after everything he has seen. Yeah he might not fight back at school, but that doesn’t mean he can’t.
He has seen hero’s look at a crime and walk away if they had mutations or anything resembling that. And yeah he couldn’t just make the assumption that all hero’s were like that. But he knew that a lot were. And that’s why he still tried to hang onto that. But now that he knows even the number one hero all might could be just like that.
Izuku is losing hope and fast. He knew that he wanted, no needed . It was a part so deep inside him. That need to protect, it’s not like he wants to exactly be all might. But he wants people to look at him when he says the words “ your safe now.” And just feel that bone deep relief. That they will just know he means it and they can just feel it.
And he will protect them too. It doesn’t matter what he sacrifices, he will and he can protect them. And that’s what he’ll do. And yeah maybe he still wants to be a hero. It’s a deep rooted dream Izuku had since he was a child. But a vigilante is a morbid sense of a hero. Even though most fall towards the other side. Izuku knows he won’t. Because no matter what. He won’t call towards the villains, he’ll stay on the middle and he will lean towards the hero’s.
But he knows that some of the villains had thought they had no choice. And maybe he wants to help them too. Because no matter what title they have. They are still people. And sometimes they turn to something they didn’t want to be. And that’s a cry of help. And maybe he is reading way too much into this. On second thought.. he turned to open his room door to peek out of his room.
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Yeah it was completely quiet. Okay he can work with that. He stepped out his room, looking at both the kitchen and the living room. it was dirty. But nothing he couldn’t work with either. He started by getting himself heavy duty gloves and trash bags. Cleaning up all the beer bottles was easy, all the trash is probably the easiest. Now what wasn’t easy was getting the stains and smell out.
Using some washing detergent Izuku used that and some cold water. Using a sponge to get all the blots at least decently absorbed, stepping back it’s looking better already. Feeling accomplished he worked on wiping down all of the tables and counters with bleach and good smelling cleaning products to get rid of the smell. And after a while of cleaning he was done. He took off his gloves and put away the products and stepped back. Izuku wasn’t kidding when he says it’s sparkling clean. He just hopes it stays that way.
Feeling fucking exhausted. Izuku decided he deserves at least a nap. Maybe a cat nap. His bed is comfortable don’t get him wrong, but he absolutely loves sleeping in different places. It’s been like this since he was a kid. So deciding to find a new place he trudged back to his room, closing the door behind him. He looks around. ‘ Not many places.. hm. Desk.. floor, no. Under the bed.. next time. Closet.. yeah. Yeah, that will do.’ And with that decided he walks up to his closet and looks.
On top of his closet now he finds himself in a comfortable spot that will probably make his neck hurt. But it’s obviously worth it. So with some obvious reasons he adjusts himself to a very very comfortable position and Izuku realizes. Why hadn’t he done this before? With an amused huff he just lets go. He closed his eyes, and Izuku lets himself fall into that sweet embracing warmth of darkness.
.
.…
….
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WAKE UP
His eyes snap open, his breathing ragged. He sits up partially, trying to catch his breath. A nightmare? But he doesn’t remember it. He doesn’t remember nothing but some of the words that were said. And strangely enough.. it was his mother’s voice.
And why is he outside? He looks around, his surroundings familiar, but it’s dark out. The building behind him looks strangely familiar as well..
why am I on the ground? And what’s on my hands?
He lifts his hand to look at it, and all he sees is red.