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After the talk with Dean, North didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He felt lost, like he was drifting alone in space, his only anchor out of reach. Deep down he knew Dean was right, that if he continued to pretend everything was alright and avoid Sonic as well, he would end up losing him as well. But there was still that voice in his head telling him it was too late, telling him that he no longer had a place in Sonic’s life, that they were on different paths now, that they changed, no longer the people they were before everything happened. The voice often sounded suspiciously like Sonic himself.
In the end, North didn’t make it very far, sitting down on the sideway just a couple hundred meters down from the bar, back leaning against a fence. His head was spinning and he felt like he was going to throw up. He hadn’t even had that much to drink. With a sigh he tilted his head back, stars starting to get blurry as tears slowly started gathering in the corner of his eyes. For once he didn’t try to wipe them away, hide them with a smile. He thought of unanswered calls and messages, Sonic’s coldness when he returned from France, he thought of denied invites for dinner, of Sonic turning away when North tried to reach out, his easy dismissal over North asking about his plans.
A small whimper escaped his lips. He wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling his knees close, head burying between them, as sobs shook his body. He just felt utterly helpless, as much as he wanted to reach out to Sonic, he no longer felt like it was wanted. Like he was wanted. He felt like the more he tried to insert himself in Sonic’s new life, the more he was reminded that he just didn’t fit anymore. At first he blamed it on the distance, that once Sonic came back they would fall in their usual rhythm again. With everything that happened between them the past weeks he wasn’t so sure anymore. All the fears he had, that stopped him from telling Sonic how he really felt, about Sonic leaving, about being left behind, about them, were coming true anyways. And he didn't know where he went wrong or how to fix it.
North tightened his grip on himself in an attempt to hold himself together. If he could only figure out how to properly fix everything he would do it in a heartbeat. If Sonic didn’t want him anymore then he would deal with it, somehow, but he wanted to at least know he was still part of his life in one way or the other. Even if it was just as a friend who would occasionally see Sonic when he was back in Bangkok. But maybe then he wouldn’t be refused a dinner together, or just the two of them hanging out, going to the bar, just anything. One hand drifted to his hair, pulling slightly. He just wanted to distract himself from the stinging pain in his chest.
He didn’t know how long he stayed in that position and it took him a while to notice his ringing phone, but when he finally did he noticed 7 missed calls from Alan. “Fuck,” he mumbled, quickly calling him back. He knew Alan had enough on his plate so he wouldn’t call unless it was really important. North just hoped that for once it wasn’t Tony related. “North?!” North quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeves, trying to keep his voice steady. “Hey, Uncle. What’s up?” “Don’t “what’s up” me, North! Do you have any idea how worried I was?” “What…why would you be worried, what happened? Is everyone alright?” North could hear the intake of breath through the speaker, mentally preparing himself for whatever it was. “Dean called me! Said you just left by yourself and wasn’t sure if you should be alone right now.” “Dean is being ridiculous. I’m okay. I was tired, so I went home,” North grumbled, head falling back, hitting the metal bars behind him. “Is that where you are then? At home?” North bit his lip. He should just say yes, tell Alan he was at home, ready to go to bed. He didn’t know what stopped him. “That’s what I thought,” Alan’s tone seemed to soften. “Where are you? Let me pick you up. You shouldn’t walk around alone. You might not be on Tony’s radar but let’s not take any risks.” “I’ll be fine. I-” “This isn’t up for discussion, North. I’m picking you up. Dean hasn’t told me much but I’ve been noticing it the last weeks as well. You don’t have to be alone right now. Let me pick you up. You don’t have to stay over but at least let me come get you.” North felt the tears in his eyes well up again. Of course he knew how much Alan cared for all of them, but with everyone worried at the moment and Sonic giving him the cold shoulder he felt more alone than ever. Usually he would try to hide it all, knowing his problems were atom-sized compared to what was going on with Tony again, but he was just so tired. So he allowed himself a moment of weakness. “Okay,” he sniffled. “I’m still near the bar…I’m sending you where I am.” He put Alan on speaker, tapping on their chat to send him his location. “Perfect, thank you. Stay right there, I’m on my way.” In the background North could hear a car engine starting. “Do you want me to stay on the line? Talk to you until I’m there?” “No, it’s okay…How long do you need?” North hated how small his voice sounded. “I should be there in 15 minutes. Is that alright?” He also hated the worry in Alan’s tone. He didn’t like bothering people with his problems. He was supposed to be the one they could rely on to keep the mood up, the cheerful one. “Of course it is, uncle. I know the elderly need a little longer,” even to himself the joke fell flat, Alan didn’t even dignify it with a response. “Okay, if you change your mind, just call me. I’ll be there as fast as I can. You better wait for me,” Alan said before hanging up.
North stared at his screen for a moment, already regretting a little to agreeing that easily. But now he could do nothing but wait. He dared another attempt at looking up, gazing at the stars. Now that his vision was more clear, he could see them better. His head was still spinning a little, but the tears had dried out for now. The sight of the stars and the moon was quite beautiful. North wondered how they felt. Up there, the moon alone in a sea of stars. Did it also feel lonely sometimes? Or did it know that no matter what there would always be someone checking on it, appreciating it even from afar. Did that help it feel less alone? Even if there wasn’t anyone close to it? Sonic would probably have an answer to it. He’d call North stupid for thinking that the moon would be lonely, but then tell him how it didn’t shine on his own. How it was warmed by the sun, reflecting its light, and therefore never truly alone. That even if it appeared to be by itself, it was never without the sun’s touch, always watching over the moon. His fingers itched to tell Sonic what he was thinking, how maybe they were like the sun and moon sometimes, how Sonic was like the sun, and North the moon, soaking up Sonic’s rays, not shining if Sonic didn’t either. But it felt too real. Too much like a confession, and at the same time not at all.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car horn. North couldn’t help but feel caught, quickly scrambling to get up. Before he fully got up, Alan was already by his side. “Have you just been sitting here the whole time? You must be cold.” Before North could protest a jacket was thrown around his shoulders. “I’m okay. I’m still young! I don’t get sick as fast as you.” Alan whacked him over the head, more gently than usual though. He must really feel bad for him. North gulped. “Thank you for picking me up…” Alan gave him a dismissal wave. “Where do you want to go?” North hesitated for a moment, he was still a little torn but as much as he didn’t want to bother Alan, the thought of going home to his empty apartment filled him with dread. “To yours,” he quickly muttered before he was able to reconsider. Alan nodded and gently guided him to the passenger door.
On the ride they were mostly silent, North for once not knowing how to break it. Alan eventually was the first one to speak. “Do you want to talk about it?” North looked out of the window. “I don’t know what to say.” “Want me to ask questions and you answer what you feel comfortable with?” Alan turned his head to him for a second. “I know you’re not the most outspoken, and I know I’m not as much of a relationship expert as you claim to be, but maybe I can help anyways? I am wiser after all,” he smiled gently. “Bring it on, old man,” North tried to grin. “This is about Sonic right?” His smile immediately dropped. North turned his head towards the window, watching the streetlights passing by. “Does everyone know?” “I’m afraid so. The mood between you two has been weird ever since Sonic came back,” Alan tried to keep his voice light, but North could tell how there was worry in his words. “I don’t know what's going on either..! I know he talked to you, telling you he wants to move on with his life. I didn’t even know there was anything to move on from!” North tried not to let his frustration show too much. Judging by the looks that were thrown at him, he failed. “North…” North didn’t let him continue. “He was the one who stopped answering after a while! I know he was busy, but he could have told me, instead of ghosting me for days on end. He won’t even meet me now. I know I’m not what he wants anymore, but did I really mean that little to him that he can just throw everything away?” North felt his voice break by the end, tears welling up once more so he quickly bit his lip. “Sorry. I didn’t mean-” Alan shook his head, a hand coming to rest on North’s thigh in an attempt to comfort him. “Don’t apologize. Let it all out. What did Sonic do to make you feel like you aren’t what he wants anymore?” North’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest, remembering what Sonic told him, told Alan. “He told you he was sick of it, didn’t he?” “He told me he was sick of you guys just being friends. That he wanted more.” “Then why did he never tell me?” “Why didn’t you?” North was silent for a moment. “Because I was scared it would ruin our friendship. After everything that happened last year I wasn’t sure if it was just the proximity that made it feel like he actually likes me back. But I was ready to tell him. Sonic was just faster in saying he will go to France to study. It felt selfish to tell him then,” he mumbled. Alan parked the car but made no move to get out. “What about now? Sonic is still here. He mentioned he was going to leave multiple times, but he hasn’t yet. Don’t you think that means something?” North shook his head. “Dean said the same thing you know. I don’t know why Sonic is still here. But I doubt it’s because of me. Why would it be? Everytime we talked it was because I tried to get him alone. He refused everytime I tried to ask him to meet up,” North let out a dry chuckle. “Did you know I had to pretend we had a team meeting for him to actually show up? We didn’t even get to eat really. He didn’t let me peel shrimp for him.” He looked over at Alan, a weak smile on his face. “I just don’t know what he wants. I used to be able to tell so easily. But I don’t know how to fix it, uncle. I want to so badly. But I don’t know what to do.” Alan’s thumb gently rubbed circles on his thigh, not saying anything else, letting North continue talking. “You say he might wait for me, but all I did was try to just talk to him. I don’t think he wants that anymore. I was too late. He might have someone in Paris already. Someone who understands him better now, who he can talk to better about his studies, who’s smart and who listens to him, who doesn’t try to make jokes out of everything, who can take care of him properly.” Now Alan did see the need to interrupt him. “North, where the hell is this coming from? You’re not usually this unsure about yourself. You and Sonic have a bond unlike any other.” North shook his head. “We used to. Not anymore. I heard him talk on the phone, a day after he came back. He didn’t tell me who it was but it sounded like it was someone in France.” Alan hummed. “It could just be a friend?” “Even then, he probably talked to that friend more than he talked to me, ever since he came home.” North crossed his arms, leaning back. “Now you’re being unfair,” Alan spoke in a warning tone, but not stopping his comforting motions. “Sonic is still staying here, and I think you are a large part as to why. He wanted to leave last week, but didn’t. He came to every single race. Always focused on you, checking up on you regularly while the rest of us were focused on Babe and Charlie.” Slowly, North turned his head back to Alan, a lonely tear running down his cheek. “Then why does it feel like it's just me hurting so much? It seems so easy for him to keep brushing me off whenever I try to get close. Even if I wanted to confess, I doubt he would be happy about it. I would get into the way of his future plans. He told me himself we are walking different paths now. Let’s say you’re right and he did have feelings for me, maybe still does, I don’t think he wants to have them.” He didn’t add that Sonic maybe didn’t want him. Judging by Alan’s expression, he didn’t have to. “I miss him so much,” more and more tears were running down his cheeks. “And he’s right there but every time I try to reach out he’s gone, like he was never there in the first place. The more I try to hold on, the more he slips from my grasp and I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose him, P’Alan.” Alan almost seemed to flinch at the last words. It had been so long since North called him anything but uncle that it really was a testament to North’s mental state right now. Wordlessly, Alan let go of North and climbed out of the car. North just blinked, taken aback by Alan suddenly leaving, until the passenger door opened up and Alan pulled him out of the car into a tight hug. With a small sob North buried his face in Alan’s shoulder, body shaking. Alan gently carded his fingers through North’s hair, the other arm wrapped tightly around him. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I should have spoken to you sooner. I always thought you were the one who would seek out a solution more quickly but I hadn’t realized how difficult Sonic made it this time. I’ve been noticing you shrinking into yourself every time, but was always hopeful that you would figure it out. I’m really sorry, North.” North shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. You don’t really have anything to do with this.” “Not with your situation, but you are like my kids sometimes. And I promised to take care of you properly. Let me make it right, okay?” North just hugged him more tightly in response, slightly overwhelmed with his own outburst of emotions and now the talk with Alan. “Let’s head inside and get you in more comfortable clothes. I’ll make you some hot chocolate and then we can think about what to do about you and Sonic. Does that sound okay?” North once more just nodded, but still didn’t quite let go. Alan didn’t make him. He just kept holding him until North himself took a small step back. “What are we waiting for?” a small smile was on his lips, rubbing the tears away from his eyes. “I was promised hot chocolate?” Alan chuckled, and led him to the door. “And you will get it. Jeff is also home, do you want me to send him upstairs?” “Nono, it’s okay. He can stay if he wants.” Even if North wasn’t too keen to involve more people into this mess, he figured Alan would tell Jeff anyway, might as well profit off of him and get another person to help with Sonic. The thought that Jeff maybe knew something because of his powers was quickly buried as quick as it came. “Do you also want to take a shower, while I prepare the drinks?” North hummed in agreement. “Alright, you know your way around. There should be some of your clothes in the spare bedroom, otherwise feel free to steal from me.” Alan gave North a gentle pat on the back as he made his way to the kitchen.
When North came back downstairs, freshly showered and dressed in comfy clothes from the back of Alan’s closet, a mug was already waiting for him on the coffee table by the sofa. Alan was already sitting there, Jeff leaning against his side, their hands intertwined. At first North felt a pang in his chest, a reminder of what he wanted so badly but couldn’t have but it was quickly replaced by hope. Something he hadn’t felt in a while. But maybe the three of them combined could come up with a way to fix what was broken between him and Sonic.
As soon as they noticed him they scooted apart to make space for North between them, Alan lifting the blanket so North could properly sit down. Jeff grinned at him. “I’m glad you’re letting Jeff stay,” Alan grinned. “He had to deal with so much because of Babe and Charlie, I’m sure you and Sonic will be a walk in the park in comparison.” Jeff nodded in agreement. “We will figure something out.” North reached for his mug. “So not all hope is lost?” He meant for it to come across as a joke, but couldn’t hide the worry in his tone. “Not at all.” Alan affirmed. “As long as Sonic is still in Thailand the two of you got a shot.” “Uncle filled me in on the important parts. When was the last time you spoke to Sonic?” North grinned sheepishly. “A couple hours ago? I invited him to a team meeting.” Jeff tilted his head in confusion. “I wanted to talk to him, he wouldn’t come otherwise,” North mumbled, hiding behind his mug. “I’m assuming it didn’t go too well?” As North answered, Alan put an arm around his shoulders, gently pulling him close. “No…he already didn’t seem happy that it was just us, so I tried to change the subject and told him to give Dean a chance,” North quickly kept talking as he saw the looks on Jeff’s and Alan’s face. “I know, I know… I shouldn’t have brought it up. But it was easier than asking him why he doesn’t want to talk to me either… But he said that Dean shouldn’t be trusted. And I didn’t really know what to do, I thought if I didn't agree with him, it would just be further proof to him that he is better off without me…so I said he was right.” Alan gave him another, less gentle, smack on the back of the head before pulling him close again. North huffed but didn’t otherwise complain, knowing he deserved that one. So he continued. “He didn’t like that either though, said I shouldn’t be so indecisive, said that was my problem. And then he left.” Alan groaned in frustration. “He left just like that?” “I’ve been telling you, that’s how it’s been since he came back!” “How did I not see before,” Alan mumbled, shaking his head. “Okay, he left. But he clearly meant something deeper right? I don’t think he would call you unsure if it was just related to Dean.” “Probably not? But I don’t know how I’m supposed to be clear with him if he won’t actually let me talk.” Jeff shifted a little in his spot. “P’North?” “Hm?” “I know this is going to sound a little harsh, but you might have to force him to hear you out. Letting you figure out all on your own what’s wrong isn’t quite fair on you. But if he isn’t taking the step towards you, you will have to. To me it seems like Sonic is stuck in the belief that you don’t really know what you want. Maybe his own insecurities are shadowing how much he actually knows you. If Sonic were sure of himself, he wouldn’t care as much. But you matter to him so much. And if he’s wrong, then it could ruin everything.” Alan’s eyes brightened up. “Yeah. That’s probably why he puts it on you. And maybe even blames you for it. Because he in reality blames himself.” Alan looked quite proud of himself for coming to that conclusion. “You really think that’s it? But what about the person in France…” “Is he in France right now?” Jeff asked. “No?” “Then why does it matter who’s in France? He is here now, and while he struggles talking to you, he still pays attention to your every move. I’m really sure he is just as scared as you are.” North looked down at his mug. “But what if you’re wrong?” Alan ruffled his hair. “You should start asking ‘What if we’re right?’.” “You really think so?” Jeff and Alan nodded vigorously. “How about we try and get you and Sonic alone tomorrow and you try to talk to him again. Just telling him everything you told us. Tell him how he made you feel. What you feel for him.” North cuddled a little more against Alan’s side, grumbling quietly. “But what if he leaves again.” Alans hand went back to his hair, gently brushing the messy strands. “He will have to, to finish his studies. But don’t you think being more secure in your relationship would help staying in contact? You don’t have to put a label on it immediately either. You can wait until he comes back for good if you want to. But I think if you are both on the same page you will be just fine.” “I also would really like to visit Paris at some point,” Jeff chimed in. “We can just all visit Sonic too then, so it’s not just him coming back here. I’m sure he would like to show us around as well.” North felt hope blossom in his chest. Maybe they were right. Maybe it could still work out after all. Maybe they weren’t doomed yet. “I’d like that,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. Thanks to Alan and Jeff his fear had mostly worn off for now, feeling cared for for the first time in a while. And cuddled up against Alan on his couch, Jeff leaning against him, he felt like no matter what, he would be okay. He had people around him. He wasn’t as alone as his brain convinced him to be. It didn’t take long for him to drift to sleep.
When Alan took him to the garage the next day, North was buzzing with nervous energy. Even though he slept better than he had in ages, he couldn’t remain calm, his brain coming up with the worst scenarios possible.
However, every doubt left his mind the second his eyes met Sonic’s. Without hesitation he stepped towards him, barely noticing how Alan quickly dragged out the other mechanics. “Alan? Where are you-” Sonic was about to step past North, to follow Alan, but North quickly grabbed his arm. “Sonic, wait.” “Let go.” North shook his head. “Only if you promise not to run away this time.” Sonic rolled his eyes, seemingly annoyed. He tugged his hand free, crossing his arms over his chest. “What do you want? I don’t have all day you know…” North tried to not let it sting. “I just want to talk to you.” He took a step closer, Sonic took one back. North took another step towards him, and again Sonic seemed to move away, until his back hit the glass wall. “Talk then?” Sonic cocked his head, nudging for North to speak his mind so he could leave. Hesitantly, North placed a hand right next to Sonic’s head. He felt a little bad about boxing him in like this, but he just wanted to say his mind, and then he would let Sonic go immediately. He just wanted to be heard out by the other for once. “You’ve been so distant since you came back-” “This again?” Sonic rolled his eyes. “I already told you-” “You told me I’m making it up, but I’m not am I? You have been avoiding me every chance you got.” Sonic made a weak attempt at pushing him away, creating a little bit of distance. “And yet, here you are.” “I am…because I finally figured it out,” North mumbled quietly. “And I’m sorry it took me so long.” As he looked closer he could see the hint of tears forming in the corners of Sonic’s eye. “So what have you figured out?” “I love you,” North whispered, his own eyes getting watery as his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. “I love you so much. And it hurts every time you push me away. I thought maybe I could finally be brave enough when you return, but then you were acting distant and I just didn’t know what to do.” His voice was still barely above a whisper, as he lifted his head to gently brush the tears away from Sonic’s cheek. “I missed you, Sonic.” Sonic’s eyes fluttered shut, leaning into the touch. “You’re such an idiot…” “What-” “I missed you too, of course I did…” Sonic let out a wet chuckle. “You were all I could think about all the time…I needed some distance. So I stopped replying…I wasn’t sure if you would ever feel the same way I did.” North leaned a little closer, hand still brushing Sonic’s cheek. “Can I kiss you?” His eyes were already drifting to his lips. When Sonic gave him a slight nod, North leaned closer and gently kissed him. The second their lips touched he felt like something slotted into place, like he finally found what he had been missing all along. The other half of his soul.
After what felt like ages they slowly pulled apart, both still with tears in their eyes. Years of untold feelings now clearly on both their faces, completely honest with each other for the first time. “I’m so sorry, North,” Sonic muttered. “I didn’t fully realize how much I hurt you. I think part of me wanted you to feel the same pain I felt but that wasn’t really fair, was it?” “It’s okay,” North smiled, through the tears. “I’m okay now. Just don’t leave me like this again?” Sonic nodded wordlessly, not trusting his voice any longer. North slowly pulled him into a hug, like he wanted to, since Sonic came back. He buried his face in his neck, holding on tightly, a few tears escaping his eyes. As Sonic hugged him back he felt like he was put together piece by piece, that the Sonic-shaped hole in his heart was finally full again, beating as one.
Later, when they were sitting curled up on one of the couches in the garage, Sonic turned his head to North. “You know I will have to leave again right?” He nervously fidgeted with North’s fingers. “I still have to finish my studies.” North hummed, leaning closer into him. “I know. But it’s okay. You said it yourself, right? That we are walking different paths now. But that doesn’t mean we are walking them alone? I will still be right here, a call away whenever you need me. And I will come and visit you, you can come back when you don’t have classes…I really want to make this work.” Sonic smiled warmly. “So do I.” “Then we will make it work,” North nodded, determined. “You know…I was looking at the moon last night, and thought we are kind of like the sun and moon, that I need you around to shine.” Before Sonic could interrupt, North stopped him with a soft squeeze of his hand. “But I’m realizing how wrong that was. We are more like stars, you and I,” he looked up with nothing but love in his eyes. “We are shining on our own, but together we can be a constellation, brightening up the night sky.”