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"Maki?"
"Maki?"
"Maki!"
An aggressive waving hand flew in front of Hirota Maki's face, snapping him out of his trance. He hadn't even realised he wasn't listening to whatever the members were blabbering about for that long, it was just natural for him to switch off and be swallowed by the dark hole of his own thoughts.
"Jeez, you really gotta stop spacing out like that," a familiar voice rang. It was his bandmate Nicholas, who also happened to be the one waving his hands in front of Maki's face like a crazy person. "Are you even listening to me?"
Maki's words got caught in his throat, "Y-yeah, of course I am," he lied.
"Uh-huh... What did I say to Euijoo after he insulted me then?" Nicholas asked with his arms crossed.
That question had garnered attention from a certain someone as they argued back, "Hey! More like you insulted me."
"Okay, so we're going to pretend you didn't call me annoying? I see how it is Byun Euijoo," Nicholas raised his voice as replied, stepping closer to Euijoo with a threatening fist.
It was getting loud. Too loud for Maki's liking. The yelling slowly became intelligible — like tinnitus that wouldn't go away — and he wished that he could disappear into his room, hiding under the sheets to be away from everyone. He sharply exhaled as his eyes drifted to the others in the room, acting as some sort of distraction.
They landed on Jo, who was silently watching the banter in confusion. He could still see the stars of amusement shining in his eyes like he normally had whenever dumb fights broke out between the group. Jo was politely quiet, always at the right times and shied away when he felt like he needed to. Maki saw him as a new moon, never willingly putting himself into the spotlight and slightly afraid of the attention, but everyone knew that behind his timidness was a fierce, skilful person patiently waiting for the light to let him glow. All he needed was time and for people to be patient with him so he could slowly turn into a whole new person. And Maki could wait an eternity if it meant Jo could be happy.
By Jo was none other than Yuma, of course. He was cat-like, laying on top of the taller boy's lap and fiddling with his shirt buttons, a huge smile plastered on his face. Yuma reminded Maki of a waxing crescent — beautiful, elegant, and someone who captured your attention effortlessly. He was a bit noisy unlike Jo, without overdoing it, though he could make a statement either way. Even if it was gradual, not rushed but still messy, Yuma would keep trying and giving it his all. Whether it was to love, show his worth, or simply living as Nakakita Yuma, he tried really hard. Honestly to Maki, that's all that mattered.
Maki couldn't help his eyes moving over to Taki next. He was deafeningly encouraging the fight, cheering on the two sides with visible excitement sizzling inside of him. Taki was most definitely a more outgoing, bubbly type, like the way he shone every single time he walked into a room was something Maki heavily envied. Just like the first quarter moon, opening itself to reveal the inside that isn't perfect, however, it still manages to be enough. You would think that a first quarter would be shy or afraid of people — this boy was the complete opposite of that. Taki could be independent with his two quarters, but two quarters doesn't make a whole, and he loved company more than anything. Who cared if he had one, two, three or thousands of people? All he wanted was to not be alone.
Adding to the noise was Nicholas' roaring voice. He didn't seem like he was going to give up his discourse with Euijoo any time soon, which was expected. Maki looked up to Nicholas like an older brother, in his eyes as a brave, waxing gibbous. He certainly had the confidence, in his intense glare with angry eyes, strong exterior, and just having an aura that was impossible to pinpoint. But still, a waxing gibbous isn't fully alight, and maybe Nicholas wasn't either? No. It wasn't that he didn't have that extra light or couldn't showcase his true self, it was just that he needed somebody. Someone's words, presence or encouragement was the key to bringing his potential out, not forcing it. In other words, letting him shine his light beautifully, as he deserved.
The youngest boy had soon realised that someone finally began breaking the two up, calming Taki down and getting Nicholas and Euijoo to shut up. That person was obviously Kei — Kei, the full moon, full of everything. Full of love to give, talent he had carried for years, hard work and responsibility of being the eldest. Despite this, nobody is perfect, and he was full of other things too. Full of many fears he masked, mistakes and hurt hid behind a smile, even frustration at times. But the only thing Kei wasn't full of was himself. He was so easy to trust, reliable, and a member that would support you in any situation. The owner of a precious, selfless heart needed nothing but protection and a lookout, as much as he looked out for others too.
That lookout was right behind him, always there to clean up the messes he may have made. A tough-looking, intimidating waning gibbous in the shape of Murata Fuma, almost showing its whole self. Though he and a waning gibbous could seem big and scary, Fuma was nothing but a shield for the people he loved, holding a heart bigger than the universe — not scary at all. He used words, not actions, and with his wit and empathy he solved problems and misunderstandings in an instant. Maki couldn't see the group without him. Never. Not even in another messed up universe. Without Fuma, everything would be messed up. Maki especially noticed that with Kei. A full moon puts in a lot of effort to keep shining so bright, it needs a person close by to remind them that it'll be okay. And the waning gibbous appearing right after the full moon perfectly fits that description.
His gaze shifted to Harua who was prettily laughing at the situation before his eyes. To Maki, Harua was a gorgeous last quarter moon. The phase often associated with reflection and letting go was something that summed up Harua perfectly. The boy was one to lose confidence and strength quickly and when he did, it smashed Maki's heart into pieces. Seeing him so blue, overthinking all of his moves and not being himself had an impact on not only him, but the whole group too. Every single time this happened, Maki made sure to bring him comfort, tell him he wasn't letting anyone down, allowing Harua to slowly, but surely, let everything go. Let his worries and pain bleed through a pool of tears on the younger's shoulder and chest.
As Maki looked back at Taki — the first quarter who needed his other half filled — he thought of the last quarter Harua, the best match for him. Polar opposites; one is revealing itself and one is fading away to darkness, but they fit like two puzzle pieces. Harua and Taki were made for one another, and they knew that as long as they had each other, they would never be alone. Ever. So that was why Maki didn't want Harua to be scared. He should know that he had all the support in the world.
The last person in the room was Euijoo, talking with Nicholas like they weren't at each other's throats ten seconds ago. Typical of them, Maki thought. Euijoo was a waning crescent, the gentle pillar of &TEAM, the leader with a calming presence. He was like the glue that pieced each member together, flaws and all. Loving unconditionally, prioritising heart over head and being there no matter what — all the bare minimum he did for the group. One person he was there for in particular was definitely Nicholas, the waxing gibbous that completed his waning crescent. Being same age friends and the only two foreigners meant they dove into everything head first, and most importantly, together. If Nicholas relied on a person to bring him out of his shell, Maki had no doubt that he would choose Euijoo in every universe, across the trillions stars of the galaxy. He also had no doubt that all the others would pick their fearless leader too, the leader they loved so dearly.
Then there was Maki. The one thinking all of this nonsense.
Eight phases of the moon, nine members of &TEAM, eight significant ones...
Maybe he was an asteroid, floating around, waiting to cause destruction and ruin everything. An excess part of the solar system that wasn't worthy enough to actually be something, just holding onto whatever was left. It's out of control, has a mind of its own — certainly no prettier than any phase of the moon.
Or space junk. A remnant of something that used to be valuable, now it's completely useless. All it does is cause problems for the future since it isn't worth noting anymore.
Forget it. What a joke to think he was even that relevant. If Maki was something in space, he'd be nothing more than a singular rock laying on a planet. A speck of dust that isn't even able to be seen, not serving a purpose, not catching anyone's attention. Barely existing.
All he wanted to be was that something. Why was that so hard?
Did he have to live with the fact he would never be good enough for the other members?
Space was a big place, much bigger than what Maki could handle. He wished to stand up, be brave, but he couldn't. It felt like he was being sucked in by a reckless black hole, grasping at anything to save himself from being devoured and forgotten.
Maki clutched onto his chest, breathing heavily. Everything was a blur. Tears blocked his vision and muffled talking filled his ears. He tried to listen — was it Kei? Was it Nicholas? He didn't know, he was numb. It was almost like he was in space without a helmet, losing consciousness, brain on the verge of exploding. His lungs were collapsing, losing the ability to work as he mindlessly drifted away.
Suddenly, a warm hand was placed on his shoulder, nearly hesitant, cautious of hurting him. His dizziness lightened as the warmth of the touch travelled through his whole body, comforting him. Wet droplets trickled down his cheeks, before getting quickly wiped away.
"Maki, can you hear me?"
The youngest couldn't use his words to make a sentence, so he pulled the person into a huge embrace, staining their clothes with a patch of tears. His weak body rapidly broke laying in the arms of the anonymous member.
"Hey, hey," they said while caressing his hair. "What's going on?"
Maki hiccupped, "I... I'm sorry," he whispered in a small voice, looking up. When his eyes focused, they revealed Kei, holding him tight and close with a concerned face.
He seemed to react confused to this. Still using a quiet voice, he asked, "Sorry...? What are you sorry for, Maki-chan?"
"I'm sorry for not being good enough," he mumbled out through a sob.
"Darling, what are you talking about? You did nothing wrong," Kei said, patting Maki's back.
Maki shook his head, "No, I did everything wrong. I can never be as amazing as you guys."
Kei pressed his lips together, "I have no idea where you got this from, but it's definitely not true," he stated, sternly and kindly at the same time.
"It is! I-I... I don't know why you're even saying all of this."
The taller put a finger to Maki's mouth, silencing him, "Why do you think you got into &TEAM?"
The vulnerable boy's eyes became all watery again as Kei continued, "Because you are amazing. You really mean so much—to us, to the fans, to everything."
"You have a light no one else can even compare to. Every single time you step onto a stage, you shine brighter than anything in the universe."
"Are you sure...?" Maki sniffed, unsure, not believing Kei's words.
Kei nodded confidently, with a giant grin on his face, "I'm sure. I'm one hundred percent sure."
He held Kei tighter, but slowly began feeling other bodies wrap their arms around the two. A few pressed kisses to Maki's head, others rubbing circles on his back. Maki's heart lost its heaviness and his breathing was normal again. He was alive, pulled out of the terrifying depths of space.
"I'm sure too," a high voice chimed in, who Maki recognised to be Harua. He turned his face away from Kei's chest to look at everyone, soft smiles on their faces.
"We love you, Maki. You're our sunshine," Euijoo pinched his reddish cheek, causing them all to giggle.
If Maki was something in space, he'd be the sun. Bringing warmth and light to the members everyday. A bundle of hope, joy and happiness, curing any negative emotions or doubt. Without the sun, the moons would have no light, no shine, no glow. Without the sun, the moons are nothing.
Without Maki, &TEAM is nothing.