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The woman on the screen was touring the camera crew towards her basement where she kept a red plastic container for her gasoline. Tamura watched her explain to the camera how taking sips from a literal poison actually kept her alive. All while he was having spoonful of salted caramel ice-cream.
It was Saturday night and Yaguchi was attending a "double" office party, since they were celebrating both the retirement of the old accounting manager and the guy they hired to replace him. This new figure in particular, made Yaguchi’s skin crawl in frustration and irritation twice: first because that position was promised to him in a form of a promotion (to which he doubled his shifts for) and despite his hard work, it went to someone belonging to a rich family who had ties with the CEO of the company, second, adding insult to the injury, the selected member was Keiichi Akemi.
Akemi's celebration was the precise reason Tamura decided to decline his invitation as Yaguchi's plus one, opting to eat pizza and ice-cream in front of trashy TV shows instead.
Yaguchi was short tempered, some times he managed to conceal it sometimes not, but in the end he never actually hated someone. He just got easily annoyed either if the nuisance came from a human or an appliance. With Akemi though the feeling was different and honest: he hated the guys’ guts. He never liked him when they were in high school and he put pretty much of the blame for his fianceé problems on him.
He clearly remembered that while several students and teachers held consequences for their actions, Akemi’s rich family made sure he wasn’t even lectured. As a results, he didn’t change a bit, he got smarter, but he was still bossy and acting like he was above everyone, and Yaguchi could not stand it. The guy even had the guts to ask Yaguchi if he and Tamura would join him and his new flame out for dinner, like they were good old friends or something.
Yaguchi was even considering leaving his job and actually started to look around for other potential employers, but as for the time being, success didn’t seem close.
When he was invited to the office party he did not want to go: he already had to bear with Akemi’s sight all week long, he didn’t want to see his shitty face in the weekends as well. The only reason he eventually decided to join was because Tanaka, one of the elderly accountants and actually the only one who voiced his disappointment with the treatment Yaguchi witnessed, was going. His wife of thirty years passed away few months prior after a long time of illness and he was feeling lonely. He was the one to teach Yaguchi through the job when he was hired and he and Tamura even went to dinner to his house a bunch of times. He would never admit it but Tanaka was like a uncle to him and the thought of having him all alone in that shark tank didn’t excite him the least.
It was around Midnight when the doorbell rang, Tamura put the ice-cream bowl he was eating on the carpet and headed towards the entrance. As he opened the door, he found Tanaka with a drank Yaguchi leaning on his side, almost as if he was hanging: “Good evening, sorry for bothering…” Tamura stepped forward to help Yaguchi in: ”Well, if something, he should be sorry for both-”
“Hey handsoome!” Yaguchi had launched himself on Tamura, making them both fall on the floor and was now squishing his face. Tanaka hurried to help them up as Yaguchi latched on Tamura for dear like: “How much did he drink?” Tanaka shook his head: “He constantly walked around with a glass, I tried to warn him but he couldn’t stand Akemi-san walking around. And when he asked about you well.. that’s when he kind of lost it. He chugged three glasses of sparkly wine in a row.” the elder man paused: “I probably should have done something, but I’ve bee there multiple times in the past and I know how awful it feels.” Tamura tightened his grip around Yaguchi’s waist since he was wobbling, which had Tanaka getting worried: “Do you need help?”
“No, thanks I got it. You were already too nice to bring him home. Now go get some rest, it’s late, I’ll take care of him.” The elder nodded: “Please don’t hesitate to call me if you need any help”.
Tamura slipped one of Yaguchi’s arm over his shoulder, helping him through the short walk towards the bathroom, as they were walking, Yaguchi kept on rubbing his head against Tamura, in his vision he was probably being seductive but in reality he looked like a bear scratching against a piece of wood. Tamura sat him on the toilet: “Okay, don’t move. I’m taking your nightwear” he wasn’t even able to make a step that Yaguchi latched his arms around his waist burying his face in his abdomen: “Naah, stay…” he then looked up, a goofy grin on his face: “…You…you know you look hot tonight?” Tamura looked down at his oversize grey hoodie and worn out sweatpants: “Dude, you’re not drunk, you’re shit-faced!” but Yaguchi wasn’t even listening: “What-what if you take this off…” he said, grabbing the hem of Tamura’s hoodie: “…and me and you have some fuuun time together?” Tamura stared at him deadpan as he gently released from his grip: “In this estate? No shit. Now we get you changed, you sleep, sober the fuck up and then we can talk about it.” after making sure Yaguchi was seated in a way his chances of falling down were reduced, Tamura went to pick some fresh clothes. Yaguchi cold have used a shower but in those conditions they would probably both end up with some bones fractured: “Heeey!” came a whiny call from the bathroom: “I want your metalhead hoodie…’swarm” Tamura snickered, he bought a Slayer hoodie during a sale and he once borrowed it to Yaguchi when they went on a road trip. It was unexpectedly chilly and his fianceé didn’t have appropriate clothes with him. Since then, Yaguchi had worn it more than he did, especially when Tamura was gone due to work or concerts, he would often find him wearing it at home. He found it to be extremely cute.
Getting Yaguchi out of his clothes wasn’t easy as he kept on moving and blabbering nonsense, including a whole list of: “Would you still love me if…” to which Tamura answered yes to every possible creature except the hornet, which genuinely terrified him. Once Yaguchi was all dressed for the night, Tamura lifted him up, carrying him to bed in bridal style. Those few meters gave him a wake up call on how bad he should start going to the gym, Yaguchi was short but 60 kilograms weren’t exactly lightgweight. Despite his back insulting him, Tamura manged to lay him down on the bed, as gently as he could he pulled him over to the side: “I’m going to turn the TV off and probably throw away that ice cream… can you manage to stay still for a minute?” Yaguchi nodded into the pillow, he looked ready to fall asleep. He was laying down with his eyes closed when Tamura walked back into the room but as soon as he laid down, Yaguchi plastered himself against him, burrowing his face into his hoodie. They were quiet for a minute before a muffled sound coming from his chest brought Tamura on the attention a second time: “Heeeyy…babe…” another pet name and Tamura was going to leave him out on the balcony, there was so much he could take:“Yeah…” he hummed back, hoping he would fall asleep soon: “Would still love me i-”
“Yeah” Tamura cut off: “You could be a rattling snake, a limestone or a Swiss knife, I’d still love you”
“Even if I did something baaad?” Tamura snickered: “That’s the funniest part of being together”
“Noooo” Yaguchi pounced him on the chest, which made Tamura hunch “I mean, something really bad like, like evil…” he then tried to dig his head further into Tamura’s shirt, blissfully ignoring the pressure he was putting on the sternum:”Pfft…Akemiass needs cons…consue…consuling…tehe”. Tamura sat up turning the light on, this was pronounced silly but sounded serious: “Kyosuke” he said flatly, putting a firm hand over his shoulder: “What did you do” Yaguchi maybe sensed the tension and turned on the other side, giving his back to Tamura who huffed half in worried and half in frustration.
“I’m not mad. I just need to know what to tell the cops.”
No response came from the other side, just a light squirm of the shoulders: “And I’d still love you, no matter what you did.” The words worked like a spell as Yaguchi, in a sudden spark of energy sat up. He lost his balance in the process and Tamura had to catch him before he slammed his face against the bed header.
“You know when Regina puts face cream but it’s foot cream?” it took Tamura some seconds to catch the reference: “Yes?” Yaguchi snickered: “Akemi has conditioner… for the hair! And he takes it from internet….and it comes to the office….”
“So, you put footcream in Akemi’s conditioner?” that was good news, although quite underwhelming. Yaguchi grinned in evil satisfaction: “Naah… four-hunderd yen… shaving cream. Guess who got bald?” he ended before exploding in a fragorous laugher: “Now he’s a dickhead…in and out”
Tamura felt relaxed all of the sudden, he knew probably nothing bad has happened but at the same time he cannot stop stressing out where he could get a shovel that late in the evening. As soon as the tension melted down, he started to laugh as well. The sight of Akemi panicking as handful of hair fell down did not fail to amuse him. He laid back down on the bed, letting Yaguchi snuggle back on his chest, his arms around him.
“You know, that was risky but you were fuckin’ smooth” appreciated Tamura as he turned the lights off “I was sooo smooth….” echoed Yaguchi: “…it didn’t smell…”
“Just, how the fuck did you manage to put back the tin foil?” that was more than a legitimate question since Yaguchi could not open a yogurt without tearing the lid apart.
“Shitty plastic…you pull up, mix the shit…close again: boom, bald Akemi!” Yaguchi started to relax: “I hate that asshole…He hurt you and I hurt him…” Tamura pulled him closer: “That was stupid” he paused, kissing him on the forehead: “Thank you” he then whispered in a softer voice:”For a second I though you actually killed him. I was worried I couldn’t find a shovel.”
“Ahh…you know killing’s against the law or something…”
“I was told so, yes” Yaguchi tilted his head up, the pale white of streets lights coming from the window clearing his features: “I love you so much I’d make a guy bald for you.” It was sudden and as it came out of his mouth he fell back asleep. Tamura snickered before closing his eyes: “And they say living together leads to boredom. What a bunch of frustrated losers.”